It has been about a month, and Heart’s and Hooves day is in a week. Today’s the sixth, Sunday. I’ve kept the Checkpoint in good shape, but the new manager should be picked soon. Lucky went back to Canterlot, she just wanted to say bye to all of us before leaving again.
I’m surprised by how many stupid requests there were. Surprisingly enough, I never got any backlash for my ‘Fuck You’ pile of papers. In any case, I improved the Checkpoint a lot. Unicorns have enchanted most of the guards’ armor. Their weapons were also replaced with newer ones. The crossbow I have is upgraded slightly, I don’t have to manually load it now. I don’t understand why no one allowed my crossbow to be capable of shooting more than one God damn bolt. I also allowed the Checkpoint to have archers stationed in the skies surrounding it. After all, my aim might fail me. It is a fucking crossbow. Seriously, when I tried shooting the first time, I had to take in a lot of practice. While I didn’t have a bad aim, the crossbow itself was fucking unwieldy.
Anyway, I sit on the couch in my house, lazily surfing the channels. Whisk has been extremely tired lately, so I let her sleep in. She managed to find someone to run her bar on Sundays, Mondays, and Tuesdays. I think the one she hired was a pony named Berry Punch. At first, I did not like her at all, but she’s alright. She remembers me from Ponyville though. She was in the crowd that stormed my room. Again, did not like her at all. However, she apologized. That’s more than I can say for most of Ponyville. I asked her why everyone blamed Twilight about the whole fiasco. Turns out, they blamed her because of the wording. As I suspected, Spike. Then, I asked why no one blamed Spike. Her answer was simply, ‘Because it’s Spike, and he’s too young to understand.’ It was then that it struck me how old Spike was. Dragons grow at the same rate as ponies. I’ve been around for more than ten years, and I know that when I first showed up, he was able to read and write. So, if I’m correct, he should be in his late teens.
Long story short, I called her an idiot, which she agreed, and she told everyone about her conversation. Spike personally wrote me an apology letter, to which I accepted. I could actually see a couple of faint tear stains on it, which both makes me feel bad and confused. How the fuck can there be tear stains if he sends his messages by blowing flames on it? In any case, that checked off one of the questions I’ve been meaning to ask.
So, here I am, laying on the couch, watching tv, waiting for the chat session.
“-To show you the power of Dex Wrap-“ the pony in the commercial gestures to the left, making the camera look over to see a metal boat on its rear. The pony walks over, and pulls a chainsaw out of nowhere. I have a feeling I’ve seen this before. The pony cranks the saw and thrusts it into the boat. The boat falls, showing that it was indeed cut in half, and the pony gestures to it. “I sawed this boat in half!”
“Ten years, and I still can’t escape power of God,” I mutter, smirking at the joke. Suddenly, a poof sounds, and a scroll falls into my lap. I quirk eyebrow and pick it up. It’s from Twilight. I unroll it to see the contents.
Dear Anon,
I am sorry to inform you that I am needed in Ponyville, Spike’s sick and he can barely lift a claw. Thank you for your understanding.
Twilight
I scoff. Welp, I just got a whole day to myself. I look out the window to see it’s actually pretty clear. There’s a little snow, but not much to hinder anyone from walking. I’m not going to just sit around for a day. I shrug to myself and get up. I’m already wearing a red shirt and grey pants, I just need my coat. I grab it and put it on. You know, I should seriously consider a bit more color to my clothes. I rummage through my pockets to find that I have my keys, my wallet, and a pen. I started carrying a pen the other day, since Shoeside broke my only quill on accident. I go to the kitchen, take a paper towel, and wrote ‘went out to walk -Anon’ with my pen. I go to the living room and place the makeshift note on the couch. I stretch my arms and yawn. I don’t really know when I’ll be back. I look at the clock to see it’s about eleven in the morning. I guess I’ll be back around two or something.
I just closed the door to my house, when I hear galloping behind me. “Yo! Anon!” I hear. I sigh and turn around to see Segway and Spearhead, without their armor. Spearhead’s white, with a grey mane, and Segway’s a light grey with a light grey with a blue mane. It has just occurred to me that I rarely ever see them without their armor, and I almost didn’t recognize them. “Dude, we need your help,” Segway continues. I quirk an eyebrow.
“You see, Hearts and Hooves day is coming up pretty soon,” Spearhead says, stepping up. “My wife’s out to help her parents, and I thought it would be nice to get her a gift,” he continues. I nod, gesturing for him to continue even more. “Well, I was looking around, when Sergui came up and explained how old fashioned I was!” I can literally see the fear in his eyes. I just give Segway an unamused expression. He simply sighs.
“Yeah yeah, I bucked up,” he admits. “I tried to tell him it’s okay-“ Spearhead turns to Segway, grabs his head, and forces him to look into his eyes. His glaring eyes, that is.
“My wife deserves the best, and I will not insult her with old-fashioned gifts!” He says aggressively. He lets go of Segway, facing me. “Anon, I know you’re way older than me, but can you help us find something new for her?” He asks. I quirk an eyebrow.
“What do you mean I’m way older than you?” I ask.
“... Anon, I’m twenty eight,” Spearhead says. Segway nods. I’m confused.
“So?” I ask, crossing my arms. “I’m only two years older than you.” Spearhead and Segway snicker.
“Yeah, but now you’re in your thirties,” Segway says. I roll my eyes.
“Fine, whatever, I’ll help. I gotta get something for Whisk anyway,” I say, starting our ‘adventure’.
So, here we are. I’m walking down town to the mall, with both guards one either side. We’re a couple blocks away by now, and the sun’s up high in the sky. As we walk, we started our own conversation. “Hey, Anon?” Segway starts. “I was just wondering, how did you and Spearhead meet?” He asks. Spearhead and I tried to stifle our laughs at the same time.
“It was... interesting,” Spearhead remarks.
December 1, 20XIX
I sigh as I walk to work. Diplomats have finally decided to cross Manehatten’s border. Not for simplicity, mind you, but because they feel like Canterlot’s a little fuckin’ stale at this point. Well, that and because the increase of attacks on Canterlot’s Border has been concerning to the princesses. My boss fucking sucks, as I’ve found out. She implemented a new rule yesterday, taking out some of the pay for various workers due to the sudden drop of economy as a whole. My rent’s not particularly high, but I’d rather not have to worry about being laid off due to shitty ponies. As I walk to work, I notice a guard walking towards me. I frown. Oh joy. An idiot. The guard’s aren’t particularly smart. Or strong. Or helpful in any way possible in the past week. Or ever. Wow, now that I’m thinking about it, Equestria’s guard sucks.
“Inspector,” he calls, walking up.
“Fuck nugget,” I greet half assedly. He stops for a moment before shaking his head.
“Look, I need a favor-“
“Fuck you, that’s my answer,” I say, continuing to walk past him. He sputters.
“Can’t you at least wait!?”
“Nope, work’s in five minutes.”
“It’ll only take a minute!” I stop and groan loudly. I turn around, looking at the guard who calls after me.
“Fine, what?” I ask impatiently.
“I need cash,” he says, walking up. I roll my eyes.
“Okay, why would you need it?” I ask. He frowns. “Gambled too much? Drank too many pints?”
“My wife’s sick,” he says. I scoff.
“Really? That sounds like a completely original problem,” I say. I cross my arms as he huffs. “Why don’t you ask someone else?”
“I did.”
“Hm. Tough luck then,” I say, turning around.
“Please wait!”
“No, you’ve wasted too much time already,” I say coldly, taking a step forward. He groans and stomps the floor in frustration as I walk away.
I walk into my office, immediately sitting down. I look up to see that asshole’s back, standing at attention in front of the window. I frown.
“Look, if you can pull off the puppy dog eyes, you could earn a couple bits from everyone each. Ponies are too weak hearted,” I say, taking out a newspaper from under my coat. He sighs.
“Look, I know a way for both of us to get money,” he says. I quirk an eyebrow as I read the paper.
“Uh huh,” I say, uninterested.
“Every time you detain someone, I get a small bonus,” he says. “If you detain enough creatures, I can give you half of it. Deal?” He asks. I look up and see him holding out a hoof. I roll my eyes.
“I don’t need the money you know,” I say, going back to my paper. The guard stares at me for a minute before scoffing.
“You know,” he starts. Oh boy, another sob story. “I was having a tough day, but my wife was there. She was there to help me. She has been there to help me throughout most of my problems. From when I was in Zebrica, to when I was stationed here.” He takes off his helmet, but I don’t look up. It seems that I got a little fame from telling that griffon diplomat to fuck off. I wouldn’t have said it if he hadn’t kept telling me how I have such a foul mouth. “Please, I’m begging you, I need the-“
“Just get out and do your job,” I say, flipping the newspaper to the next page. Silence follows us for a minute.
“... They were right, you’re just as much of a jackass as everyone says you are,” he says, putting on his helmet back on and leaving. I scoff as he leaves. Yeah, I am. I lean over to the mic.
“Next!”
The next day
I sit in my office as my boss goes on and on about some shit. “... and furthermore, I don’t care if the princesses are okay with it, you need to cease your swear words from now on,” she says. I look up and remember to look down.
“Sorry, did you need to find your parents?” I ask, giving her a shit eating grin. She only stares at me for a second before sighing.
“Okay, allow me to reiterate my point.” Her horn lights up and my rulebook glows. The book slams into my face and I double over, holding my nose as I feel immense pain. I pull my hand away to find blood. “Don’t do your usual bullshit,” she says, walking out.
“Mother fucker,” I curse, wiping away the blood from my face. I hear a set of hooves walk in, with the clanking of armor.
“I see you got what you deserved.”
“Gee, no shit Sherlock,” I say, sitting up, revealing my bloody mess. The guard’s eyes widen as he sees it.
“Oh Celestia, did she-“ I gesture for him to shut up as I look down to rummage through my pockets. I take out a bag of bits and set them on the desk. The guard looks down in confusion.
“Take it before I change my mind,” I say, looking under my desk to see if there were any tissues. It seems that needs to be on my shopping list for when I go out next time. The guard looks at the bag for a moment before nodding, taking it.
“Thank you,” he says.
“Now fuck off, I got work to do,” I mutter, holding a hand to my nose as it slowly stops bleeding. I look at the rule book on the floor to see it has a couple splotches of blood. Great.
“Right,” the guard says, turning to leave. He stops, standing there for a minute before turning to me. “My name’s Spearhead, by the way.”
“Don’t give a shit,” I say, sitting up. I lean towards the mic. “Next!” Spearhead chuckles.
“You’re certainly an ass,” He comments, starting to walk out. “But you’re alright in my book.” I watch on as he leaves, wiping up the blood with the end of my coat’s sleeve. Faintly, I smirk for a moment. Not gonna lie, it felt good to do that. I feel the stinging pain of my nose linger, but somehow lighten. I recompose myself, frowning and sitting up straight.
Right now though, I have a job to do.
Present
“Really?” Segway asks. I nod.
“Yep. He called me an ass. Truly the most insulting of phrases,” I sarcastically say.
“Well no, I mean, I kinda figured you guys hit it off,” he says. Spearhead and I laugh.
“Hell no we didn’t,” I say, smiling.
“... Huh,” Segway says, looking thoughtful. I nod.
“Sometimes, the best relationships start at rock bottom,” I say. He nods.
“Anyway, do either of you know what we should get my wife?” He asks. I scoff.
“No,” I say, as if it’s obvious. Segway chuckles.
“Spear, buddy, I don’t even have a marefriend, what makes you think I would know what to get?” He asks. I nod
“Yeah, why bring the v-card holder?” I ask. Spearhead laughs while Segway frowns at me.
“V-card holder, really?” He asks. He grows a smug look. “And what about you? I doubt you ever get action-“
“Never bothered,” I casually say. Spearhead and Segway stop and look at me in confusion.
“What?” They ask simultaneously. I stop as well to look at them in confusion.
“What?” I ask back. Segway was quick to speak.
“Well, when you and Whisk got together, we kinda assumed you two would...” he trails off, looking at Spearhead nervously. He rolls his eyes.
“We thought you two would have banged by now,” he simply says. Segway nods. I roll my eyes.
“And, why would we?” I ask. They both shrug. I sigh. “Look, if Whisk wants to, maybe I’ll try. I’m not exactly interested in that kind of relationship yet.” I get flashbacks to my first girlfriend, making me grimace. “I had that kind of relationship, didn’t really like it.” Segway quirks a brow.
“Did you tell her that?” I clear my throat, getting increasingly uncomfortable.
“Yeah.” I look up to see the mall was a little ways away. “Hey, can we hurry up a little, it’s driving me crazy on how close we are to the mall,” I say, keeping my gaze trained on the building. Before my friends could reply, I go back to walking towards it. They look at each other in confusion before following me.
We’re walking inside the mall, seeing various little shops along the way. The place is three stories tall, extremely wide, and with enough space to fit hundreds of ponies. We keep our little formation together as we walk, throwing up ideas for gifts. “Potted plant?” I offer.
“No, she’s allergic to flowers.” I scoff.
“Weird how a zebra is allergic to flowers, but okay.”
“What about a cake?” Segway offers. Spearhead sighs.
“Sergui, it’ll be too sweet for her.” Segway nods.
“How about a potted cactus?” I ask. Spearhead’s sigh expressed how stupid it sounded.
“Anon, she doesn’t care for cacti.”
“What about one of those little fans that you can tote around?” Segway offers.
“She would call it a waste of bits.”
“How about a potted lightbulb?” I lazily offer. Spearhead tosses me an unamused look.
“Oh! We should get her an air freshener!” Segway genuinely suggests. Spearhead and I give him the best ‘dafuq?’ look we could muster.
“I’m starting to realize this was a mistake,” Spearhead comments, shaking his head.
“What does she like to do? Maybe we can find something that can give her something to do?” Segway suggests.
“Well, she likes tennis, reading romance novels-“ I get flashbacks to Twilight. Fuck that book. “-chess, and a few other things,” he says. I nod.
“Maybe we should get a racket for her,” I say. He gasps.
“Why didn’t I think of that!? Her old racket broke the other day!” He immediately gallops on to find rackets, leaving Segway and I in the dust.
“Hey! Wait for us!” Segway yells, running after him. I chuckle as I start to run as well.
“Mr Inspector?” A robotic voice calls, stopping me in my tracks. I look at the source of the voice to find that same robot pony I had encountered at the Checkpoint before the Christmas holidays. However, he certainly changed. His metal body had changed from a boring grey to a charcoal black, with an electric blue fifteen on his flank.
“Robot?” I ask. He trots up to me mechanically.
“Hello! However, my name is not Robot, it is Steve now!” He says happily.
“... Steve?” I ask. That is a surprisingly human name.
“Well, my creator had found me after our encounter, and asked me what I was doing. So, I proceeded to answer her question by explaining something I have been experiencing. It turns out, my creator wanted to hear such things,” Steve says. He mechanically smiles, and his blue eyes brighten slightly. “I was feeling such a positive emotion when he said I was a success!”
“Steve?” A voice asks. I look over to see a blue mare with electric blue hair. “Who’s that?” She asks. Steve turns to her.
“Creator, this is my friend, Anonymous the Human of the Manehatten Border Checkpoint!” He says. I quirk an eyebrow. Friend? I talked to him for like, two minutes. I shrug. Oh well, it’s not like he’s causing a robotic uprising.
“Oh! Hello! My name is Elli Trissy, but just call me Elli!” She says, smiling. Elli Trissy. Goddammit ponyland.
“Well, you know who I am,” I say. Steve nods.
“Mr Inspector, would you like to join our objective in obtaining an organism of a nutritional substance?” He asks. Elli sighs as I look at him in confusion.
“.... Do you mean food?” I ask dumbly. He nods sharply.
“Correct!”
“Sorry, I gotta help my friend pick a gift for his wife,” I say. He nods.
“Do not worry human! These are acceptable conditions!” He robotically turns around and walks away, with a clunk in each step. Elli sighs.
“I have got to fix his speech patterns,” she mutters, trotting after him. She looks back to me, smiling. “It was nice meeting you!” I wave bye and turn to keep walking. As I walk, I look around to find my friends. I also keep an eye out for any items that could be nice gifts for Whisk. I finally spot my companions in a sports ware shop. They’re at the front, facing away from me. I take notice of how Segway and Spearhead are talking as if they’re trying to be quiet. I shrug and walk over to them.
“... But, what if she doesn’t-“
“Segway, the worst she can do is say no,” Spearhead cuts in. “Trust me, I’ve been there.”
“B-but she’s pretty! I can’t just say I like her, she doesn’t even know me!” He argues.
“Hey dipshits,” I announce nonchalantly. Spearhead looks at me with a grin.
“Somebody’s got a little crush!” He jabs, gesturing to Segway. He blushes furiously, and glares at him.
“It’s not a crush!” He says, reminding me of a five year old. Spearhead scoffs. Segway looks at me. “Anon, just don’t butt in on this, okay?” I simply stare at him for a minute before looking at Spearhead.
“So, who’s he crushing on?” I ask.
“No!” He whisper-yells.
“See the red mare over there, next to the baseball bats?” Spearhead asks. I look around and spot a red mare with flat, pink hair.
“Kay, watch this,” I say. Spearhead looks at me in confusion while I walk over to her. Segway’s confused as well. The mare’s checking out a bat as I walk up. “Yo, ma’am,” I call. She looks up and turns to me in confusion. “One of my friends thinks you’re hot,” I say, using my thumb to point at Segway. “He’s the one that acts like a complete wuss.” The mare blinks and looks at Segway. He yelps and tries to act like nothing’s wrong, while Spearhead just points his hoof at Segway. The mare just stares on before turning to me.
“Really?” She asks. I nod.
“You should check him out, he’s a nice guy, but he can be really stupid,” I warn. She snickers.
“Alright, thank you,” she says, trotting towards Segway. I walk over as well, towards Spearhead. Segway tries to act macho, as if nothing’s wrong, but everyone can see he’s wishing he was dead. “Hey, cutie, come with me,” the mare orders. Segway jumps and looks at the mare in surprise. She smiles and turns around, starting to trot away. Segway stares for a second before humbly walking over to her. Spearhead snickers as they walk off.
“How’d you know that would work?” He asks. I shrug.
“Dunno, just didn’t care enough to think about it,” I say. He scoffs, but doesn’t press into it any further. We continue to look around the store, looking for any tennis rackets. I start getting frustrated as I realize there isn’t anything tennis related in the store. I look around and spot the cashier. I walk up to her with a frustrated expression. “Hey, is there any tennis equipment around?” I ask. The mare scoffs.
“Tennis isn’t a real sport, you just hit a ball with a paddle,” she says. I scoff right back.
“So? Hoofball is just running with and kicking a ball to opposite ends of a field. Basketball is just throwing a ball into something that isn’t even a fucking basket to begin with, and soccer is just kicking a ball into a goddamn net,” I point out. The mare sighs.
“Look, we don’t have tennis equipment, whether you like it or not,” she says. Spearhead trots up behind me.
“Seriously? Nothing at all?” He asks. The mare nods.
“But that’s stupid!” I point out. Spearhead puts a hoof to my back in an attempt to grab my attention.
“Look, you know what, it’s fine Anon, let’s just go find-“
“No! I refuse to believe this bullshit!” I yell. The mare sighs.
“Security!” She yells. Instantly, I hear two big stallions walk into the store. They both stop upon seeing me.
“Holy Celestia, Anon?” One of them asks with an accent. I stop and look over to find Dusty Powder, dressed in a blue uniform with the word ‘Security’ on his chest.
“Dusty? Where the hell have you been for the past seven months!?” I ask, smiling a little at him as the mare behind the counter is confused.
“Oh, you know! I do good things with life as soon as I got part time job! Wife is doing good-“
“Wait, wife?” Spearhead cuts in.
“Yes, I eloped with marefriend two months ago! That griffon always had my heart captured in her talons,” Dusty says, smiling a little. The guard next to him looks at me in confusion.
“You’re Anon?” He asks.
“Excuse me, but can you two please escort them out of here for unreasonable behavior?” The cashier asks impatiently. Dusty quirks an eyebrow at her.
“Unreasonable? Anon is best Inspector! If he has problem, there is reason,” he says. He turns to me. “So, what is reason?”
“They don’t sell tennis equipment,” I say, crossing my arms. Dusty stares at me for a minute before turning to the mare.
“Seriously? No tennis equipment?” He asks. The mare sputters. “What kind of sports ware shop does not sell tennis equipment?”
“S-so what if we don’t sell tennis equipment!” She yells.
“I mean, Inspector had good point,” he continues.
“Look, it’s just that this store doesn’t sell tennis equipment!” The mare explains.
“But yet, you have surf boards?” Dusty asks in genuine confusion.
Meanwhile...
Celestia sighs, leaving a freshly adjourned meeting. They just signed a treaty with the other half of the hippogriffs, the Crystal Empire, and zebras. Unlike the war treaty the griffons had signed into, the four countries that signed into this have agreed to help each other out during any crisis that will or might unfold. However, Celestia has one last meeting for today. The griffons. Sadly, she doesn’t have the luxury of meeting with Featherbird again. He will only go to Manehatten, and the meeting was to take place in Canterlot. Celestia walks down the royal-looking hallways of her castle. The hallway’s long, so she slows down a little to try and prolong the inevitable meeting. The Canterlot meeting will be held with her, and the griffon diplomat Dreamfeather. He’s the nephew of Featherbird, so Celestia is hoping he will be just as pleasant.
Celestia looks out the windows that line the right of the hall. It’s a nice day today for a meeting. Couple of clouds here and there. She smiles to herself. How she wishes to be those clouds, with no actual work to do other than sitting there for the sake of being there. She giggles softly. Of course, such a dream could not become real. It would be chaos without her. Ponies tend to jump to conclusions faster than they realize. If it wasn’t for her, there would have been many wars. When Luna left, it was much worse. It was a time when nightmares went rampant and gave ponies ideas of the worst case scenarios. If anything, it might have caused ponies to be specist.
However, with the return of Luna, things calmed down, but damage was to be repaired. It took almost ten years, but now ponies are more accepting. Celestia sighs to herself again. If only it was simple enough to be done at that point, but it had proven to be a constant struggle. The main problem is the fear deep within ponies. However, their fear is starting to disappear quickly. Celestia’s smile widens a little as she thinks of Twilight’s School of Friendship. It has certainly helped, that is for sure. Of course, it was not making the acceptance of creatures as fast as she had liked, though that changed when Anon stepped into the picture at the Manehatten Checkpoint. Celestia has to admit, she was uneasy about Anon being the inspector there. However, he has been exceeding all of her expectations by a large margin. Celestia honestly didn’t think he could pull off the flawless work that he has on the first day. He followed the rules, and only the rules. After the first day, she realized that he was fine.
Of course, every single noble that heard of this has objected to it strongly. A non-pony running an Equestrian Border? It was blasphemy to them. Yet, all of a sudden, Manehatten started being diverse in terms of species. Celestia realized that and looked into it a while back. She was shocked, if not mortified, by how many of the Passport Inspectors were specist. There were only a hoof full that weren’t, including Anon. Thus, many Checkpoints’ employees were fired and replaced. She then decided to have a yearly mandatory check on personal views. For all they know however, it’s just a regular meeting. She knows this is not the end-all-be-all kind of law, but she knows it will surely help.
She feels at peace as she takes the moment to keep staring out the window, at the blue, peaceful sky. She blinks out of her trance and sighs, remembering that now is not the time to gaze. She has a war to avoid.
The room Dreamfeather sits in is nice, spacious, and fancy. However, he’s still a little bored. After all, he expected Canterlot to be like Manehatten. Manehatten was interesting, with various creatures, shops, businesses, and entertainment! Canterlot was just... fancy. That’s not to say he does not appreciate such things, but after everyone congratulated him for being picked to attend this meeting, he kinda expected more. The table in front of him is made of wood, with a purple cloth draped over it. The floors and walls were a white marble, spotless and such. There was a big window, taking up the wall to the left of Dreamfeather. He stares through it, watching the blue sky. He scoffs.
“‘Canterlot’s the best place ever,’ they said. ‘Canterlot will be much more pleasant than Manehatten,’ they said,” he grumbles quietly. He thinks back to the ‘professional’ ponies that barely acknowledged his existence as he went through the city. “I must’ve misheard them, because this city has been disappointing.”
“I’m sorry you feel that way,” a new voice says in amusement. Dreamfeather jumps at the sudden sound of another pony’s voice. He sighs.
“Doesn’t anyone know how to knock?” He asks in agitation.
“Well, we thought that it would be nice to dismiss mine pleasantries of announcing our presence,” the voice answers, giggling a little. Dreamfeather turns to glare at the owner of the voice, but freezes when he sees the lunar princess. Princess Luna. He gulps and quickly bows. “Please, at this moment, we art equals.”
“Forgive me, I didn’t know it was you, Princess,” he says.
“Do not fear, it was an honest mistake,” she says. She uses her magic to pull a flask out from behind her. “Here, take a sip of this.” The griffon looks up and his face turns into one of confusion
“... Is there alcohol in that?” He asks. Luna nods.
“Verily.”
“... Alright,” Dreamfeather replies. He takes a hold of the flask and takes a swig of the liquid courage. He sighs and gives the diarch her flask back. “I would not have guessed one of the princesses was a drinker.” Luna nods, smiling.
“We hath realized that alcohol is a nice way for us to relax. We take a tiny sip when we art nervous,” she says. The griffons chuckles.
“It’s nice to see someone else that’s unprofessional,” he jabs. Luna giggles.
“Indeed. We hath come to this revelation when we started drinking with our bar buddy,” Luna says. “‘Twas a pleasant night indeed.”
“Bar buddy?”
“An intriguing creature indeed. His name is Anonymous, the only human on Equis- er, Earth,” Luna corrects herself. Dreamfeather quirks an eyebrow.
“This, ‘Anonymous’, you speak of, is he tall?” He asks. Luna nods. “... does he swear a lot?” Luna nods again.
“Yes, he is one of the most foul mouthed creatures I hath ever met. Ironically, he works at the Manehatten Border Checkpoint.” Dreamfeather laughs.
“Funny, I met him about a year ago,” he says. “He gave me something like a wake up call.” Luna nods.
“Indeed, he doth that for most creatures. We had returned the favor by sending him to therapy,” Luna says. Dreamfeather chuckles.
“I doubt he cared for it,” he says. Luna nods again. She’s choosing to leave out the fact that she might have been slightly tipsy during that time. And by slightly, I mean very drunk. After all, it’s pretty nerve-racking when you have to tell your friend that he’s pissed all the time and that he needs to fix it. Thus, Luna might have had twenty swigs too many. Ponies would wonder how Luna can chug fifty bottles of whiskey and stand still long enough to say ‘buck you’ in hundreds languages. The trick is, Luna’s drunk, but she’s able to be surprisingly coherent and stable... Luna makes a mental note to try and lay off the liquor for the rest of the day.
Celestia grumbles to herself as she traverses the hallways. “Me dammit, I live in this castle and even I can’t figure out where the Tartarus anywhere is,” she mumbles. Normally, she would have her metaphorical mask to hide her annoyance. However, she is losing patience fast since this meeting kinda depends on her to help Equestria and Griffonstone avoid a war. She finally finds a door in this Godforsaken place. She opens the door to find Luna and Dreamfeather laughing together. All the negative emotions she had felt before suddenly vanish, seeing her sister in such a good mood. She hasn’t been the same ever since the ‘therapy incident’. She actually felt horrible, but Anon doesn’t seem to mind nowadays... She thinks so anyway. “I hope I am not interrupting anything?” She asks, smirking. The griffon and princess stop immediately and stare at Celestia like deers in headlights.
“Princess! I’m sorry, I-“
“It’s quite alright, one would need to calm down for matters such as this,” Celestia says, sitting down on a chair at the table. The griffons quickly takes his place across from her. Luna sits next to her solar sister and pulls out a flask to sip on. She stops midway and sighs before capping it and putting it away. “Now, shall we begin?”
“Ahem, Princess Celestia, I would like to bring forth a rather urgent subject,” Dreamfeather starts. “It’s about the special forces we found. We need to-“
“I’ll answer your questions,” Celestia cuts in. “I have finally been given enough information to clearly assess the situation.” The griffon gives a small sigh.
“Good, so tell me, what happened?”
“Before the new year, one of the spec ops agents went missing, and we were worried. Thus, we sent forth another agent to recover the mia pony. As you can see, he did not return.”
“And why couldn’t you say this?”
“Because we needed to check something.”
“... How did you check it?” Celestia graces herself as she answers.
“We sent in a spy.” Celestia admits, this feels like this will start a war, however, being completely honest is probably the best choice right now.
“You what!?”
“We found out something even more urgent,” Celestia continues. The griffon tries to say something, but sighs and gestures for her to continue. “They were mind controlled.”
“... Yes, we figured out as much,” Dreamfeather says. “Anything else?”
“We had sent a group of agents to follow their hoofsteps. It was rather disturbing that we found out that we could not get far. However, we have concluded it was done by somepony’s magic.”
“Why the emphasis on pony?”
“Because this is not unicorn magic. Unicorns have a distinct trace. This was done by a pony, but it must have been either an earth pony or pegasus.”
“Celestia, this is troubling news to hear.”
“I know. However, there is more.” Dreamfeather furrowed his brow at that.
“What else?”
“There will be an attack. It will most likely be an attack on one of Equestria’s rulers,” Celestia says, making Dreamfeather raise an eyebrow.
“Why?”
“I do not know. All we know, is that this pony will attack in a week or so.”
“What will you do to prepare?”
“Leave that to us. However, I do have another bit of business to discuss with you.” Dreamfeather quirks an eyebrow.
“What?”
“We would like to include you in a treaty that we have drafted up,” Celestia says. Luna nods. Dreamfeather huffs.
“What’s it about?” Luna take the scroll from somewhere and places it on the table, turning it to face him. He quirks an eyebrow and looks at it. He looks up in confusion. “Aid upon any necessary needs?”
“It means that, unlike the treaty you made with the Minotaurs, we shall aid your country during various circumstances,” Celestia explains. “Not only for war.” Dreamfeather scoffs.
“What’s the real difference?”
“Their treaty allows them to be able to decline helping your country in terms of economy and famine. The only thing they actually have to do is lend soldiers, and even then they only have to send small groups that can retreat at any time.” Dreamfeather hums in interest, looking at the paper.
“I can see that the Crystal Empire and the Dictatorial Hippogriffian Queendom has signed. Do you plan on making any other country sign it?”
“I am planning to offer it to a few other countries, yes,” Celestia answers professionally.
“... Of course, I myself cannot sign it, I would have to take a copy of it to my country and come back. Is that acceptable?” Celestia and Luna nod simultaneously. “Good.” Dreamfeather starts to relax, but a troubling thought comes back to him. “Oh, before I forget, is there anything else you would like to share in terms of the events prior to this month?” Celestia sighs.
“No, other than that we ask that your country does not threaten us with war,” Celestia says tiredly.
“Do not worry Princess, while the explanation is unprofessionally late, I believe my higher ups will... somewhat understand it.” Celestia and Luna smile and nod in thanks. With that, Celestia clones the offered treaty, and Dreamfeather rolls it up to put it up. “I wish upon you farewell Princesses.”
“Farewell Dreamfeather, we hope that if any of your diplomats come back, it is with good news,” Celestia says. He nods and walks out of the room. He smiles to himself. Maybe there won’t be a war with them after all!
Meanwhile...
I keep my steady pace towards my house. Couldn’t find Segway after him and what’s-her-face went off to do whatever, and Spearhead went home to wrap up his girlfriend’s gift. I pass by the various grey buildings of Manehatten, with my own present for my special one. I got Whisk a plush bunny. I notice a hooded figure running in my direction in front of me. Judging by how the figure’s steps sound, it’s a griffon. “Hold up dude!” He yells. I quirk an eyebrow as he walks up to me. He pants as he takes a breath. “When your kid sets the rug on fire, it’s not his fault. Taking care of that cat is like an escort mission with legendary difficulty on.” I blink in complete confusion as the figure apparently looks up. I can just barely see his beak “Ah hell, I need to go.” He begins running again as I look at him in shock and confusion.
“... Dafuq?” I ask out loud. The figure stops, groans in frustration, and comes back to me.
“Lock up the evil voodoo book in a bank or something too,” he says, quickly turning around and running off. I just stand in place for a few minutes, trying to process what all he said.
“... You know what? Fuck it, don’t care anymore,” I say, returning to my original route. I keep the guy’s warning in mind though. I stop again as I finally realized he made a Back to the Future reference. “...” Wordlessly, I continue my walk, deciding that I really just don’t care right now. Right now, I gotta worry about wrapping this up quickly before Whisk can see it.
February 14, 20XXI
I sigh as I continue to check this stallion’s passport. “I really couldn’t give a fuck about your relationship problems,” I tell him. He scoffs.
“C’mon dude, I’m not expecting an answer for everything I-“
“No, I mean I have literally listened to everyone else’s sob story long enough to know for certain that I could not give a fuck,” I explain. The stallion blinks before glaring.
“Oh, I bet you have such a great relationship,” he says with a hint of venom.
“I do actually, gave her a gift this morning, and she loved it,” I say cheerfully, stamping the guy’s passport green. He huffs and takes his papers and enters his homeland. I sigh again and slump in my chair. It’s only Monday and I want to fucking die. It certainly didn’t help when Celestia sent me a letter to be wary of the entrants. Apparently, someone was planning to try and off one of Equestria’s princesses. This threat was received weeks ago. Thus I’ve been keeping a close eye on everyone as they go through the border. I lean towards the mic. “Next!”
The next entrant is a yak. “Human! We meet yet again!” He yells, making me smirk.
“Oh fuckin’ hell yeah! What da fuck brings you here!?”
“Meeting with princess! Yaks want part in treaty!” The yak yells, smiling despite talking about a serious subject. I frown at the mention of a treaty.
“Treaty?” I repeat.
“Yes! Ponies make treaty with half hippos and other ponies! Griffons might join, but also might not!” I feel a sense of historical deja vu.
“Huh. I hope it goes well,” I offer, giving him the green stamp. The yak nods, but stops smiling.
“Yak realizes that human is very stressed, so please-“ he stops to take something out of his bag. He holds it up to me with a smile. I look at it to find a golden figure of a yak in a triumphant pose. “Take present from yak!” I chuckle and take it. I place it on my desk, making it face me.
“Thank you,” I say. The yak nods and takes his papers. He gives me another energetic goodbye and leaves.
Suddenly, my door busts open, with a panicked Spearhead in the doorway. “Anon, close the Checkpoint,” he says. I give him a look of confusion as he rushes off to tell everyone else to stop. I lean towards the mic.
“I’m sorry everyone, but the border will be closed for the rest of the day due to an emergency,” I say. I hear a collective group of groans outside. I frown and lean back in. “That means get your shit and get out before the guards forcefully shows you the damn door.” I didn’t get any sassy reply that time.
I walk out of my office, and notice that it’s about noon. Strange. The clock said it was two o’clock. I frown and look around. No one’s here. I walk to my Management Building and enter through the front door. Immediately, I see a crowd of guards quietly listening to the radio. “- This is a national emergency! All Checkpoints, please close the borders!” I feel concern growing within me as the radio continues. “At eleven o’clock, A M this morning, the Crystal Empire had received the most devastating of blows! Princess Cadence, the princess of love, was the target of an assassination attempt!”