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Barro- Demonetized before he made money
"...there he goes, he's coming to now. Alright, help him up."
Once again, Dan awoke having little idea of where he was or how he got there. Before his eyes even fully opened, a pair of arms, human or at least human-like arms, hoisted him up by the shoulders and propped him up.
"There we go. Hey champ, how you doing?"
Dan blinked. He was in an industrial-sized kitchen of some sort. His hands were bound, always a sign of friendship. Ovens, steel tables, racks and trays, looked like he was in the kitchen of the supermarket. But which one was it- the Tesco or the Sainsbury's?
When his eyes adjusted to the lights, he saw a pony he didn't recognize in front of him. A gray pegasus with a darker gray mane was in front of him. In fact, he almost looked like Rumble if he'd suddenly grown up, but Dan knew a lot of ponies looked a like. This guy moved and spoke nothing like Rumble, his brother, or any other ponies. Nopony from Ponyville, a bad sign. A cake floated into view and landed on the steel table in front of him.
"You'll have to forgive me about the arrangements at the moment. You can let him go, guys." Whoever or whatever was holding onto Dan let loose. He resisted the urge to swing his bound hands at his captors and instead glanced over his shoulder at them. They were a pair of Magnetons, though Dan did not know exactly what they were or care. The twin trios of magnetic Pokemon shifted and warbled, then departed in separate directions.
"So, how many of there are you?" Dan asked, before the strange pony could get started. "I'd like to know ahead of time."
The gray stallion smiled. "How many of us what? How many are here in this building?"
Dan shook his head. "No, how many of you there are in general, like how many guys you have your organization. I like to know in advance how many asses I'm going to have to kick because I might want to take a break, stretch, get something to eat between beatings."
Now, Dan had been in many situations like this. Immediately, it brought back memories of when he had been interrogated by Mirror Twilight, Mirror Rarity and Mirror Applejack in the Mirror Universe. He liked giving his captors and those who thought they were over him aggressive answers, make it known he was going to eviscerate them. First, he liked the honesty and giving opponents the chance to concede and second, he liked pissing them off and catching them off-guard.
But this pony wasn't caught off-guard. "An understandable concern. I honestly don't know how many of us there are- I do know it's quite a few. You wouldn't be the first who wanted that information, however. But I can help you get it."
That actually caught Dan off-guard a little. "Well uh, let's start with wherever we are."
"How about we start with cake?" The pony cut a slice of the rectangular cake and put it on a plate. A simple gesture, but it drew Dan's attention to what was on the cake- a picture of him. Chris and Elise were on either side of him, Mr. Mumbles at his feet, the words "Happy Birthday Lady Leomon" arcing across them and Dan's car in the background. In the top-right hand corner, as now was expected, was a crude drawing of a Star Destroyer being shot out of the sky, though this time it was made of frosting. And it was upside-down.
"Where are those?!" Dan pointed angrily at Chris and Elise, "Those are mine- those are my friends! What have you done with them?" The pony said nothing, but took a single bite of the cake. Dan had had enough and walked around the table to feed him a knuckle sandwich chaser when he was stopped. A wall of glass divided the rooms... or at least something that acted like glass.
"Mmm, not bad. I don't know where those two are, but I know where the rest of your little pony friends are," he said. He held up a hoof. "One sec." He then pulled up his muzzle, as if it had been attached by a string. The pony than removed her wings, revealing she wasn't a gray pegasus at all. And she was a mare.
Dan stepped back. "Who... what the hell are you?"
"We are GenoHaradan."
Shadow, Darkness and Night
GenoHaradan
Assassin's Guild
"And you were told to come alone," the mare said sternly. When she took off her mask, apparently the friendly expression came off with it.
"What the hell are the... Geno-whatever? And why are you operating in the back of a frickin' Tesco?"
"We're a guild of assassins, bounty hunters and entrepreneurs. We're the quiet, guiding voice of fate, the writers of history in-between the lines. We're an afterthought, an accident, a question never quite asked or pondered that dances at the edge of the mind and the abyss," the mare explained. "We are the shadows dancing in the darkness of the night."
Dan shook his head. "Okay, I got none of that after 'we're a guild of assassins.' You didn't really need to say all that other crap after that- guild of assassins. I got it, you're assassins."
The mare nodded slowly, hooves touching as she took a seat to finish her cake. "The theatrics usually impress new recruits."
Dan shrugged. "I'm more of a straight shooter. I've already been with HYDRA, the League of Shadows, the Patriots, so I don't really- wait, did you say recruit?"
She nodded again. "We were impressed with your defeat of Zen Zeal. Not to mention everything else you've accomplished. We've actually been trying to recruit you for a while now."
Dan squinted quizzically. "You want me to join a guild of assassins? Wait-" He remembered the pony that bumped into him back at the castle camp, "you've been around for a while." He started to pace, thinking back to every time a pony looked at him for a little too long. There was definitely Lyra...
"Longer than you realize. And we've helped you, too."
"How?"
"Little things. Like suggesting to Twilight Sparkle that she fly in a tank to help you. Putting an explosives shed next to a tool shed. Updating the programming of the Magic Gears allowing them to transform into smaller, portable units. On top of giving them access to the satellite defense grid, despite Vice's efforts to lock them out of it and use it to vaporize you," the mare said, hooves still touching in front of her. She looked up at Dan, smiled and added, "And who do you think kept Pone Depot stocked with exactly what you needed?"
Dan stopped pacing and turned to her. "You supply Pone Depot?"
"Heh. Dan, we own Pone Depot."
The human's mouth gaped. "Dear god."
"There's more."
"No..."
She frowned at him. "We're not doing that."
"No," Dan continued, "No, Pone Depot is sacred!" He grabbed the cake with his bound hands, then grabbed the edge of the table. "PONE DEPOT IS SACRED!!!" He flipped the table and it clattered against the transparent wall. The cake had been whole when it had been set down, now it was clearly in half. This was Equestrian magic at work, the kind of illusion magic Trixie was an expert at.
"It can still be sacred," she said, casually finishing her cake. "We own many front companies. Tesco, Planet Pants, a few stores on Electric Avenue, Sugar Cube Corner-"
"No... not Sugar Cube Corner," Dan shook his head slowly.
The mare nodded. "We're already a part of your life, your world. You just didn't know it until now," she cleaned her mouth and stood up. Then, she unzipped her mask, revealing that she was actually a zebra. A male zebra he had already met before- Zen Zeal. "We like Equestria, Dan. We've always liked democracy; representative government presents many opportunities. Like the Republic, we've helped shape Equestria from the shadows, providing stability for the structure."
"Through assassination," Dan stated. "Through deceit and... manipulation."
"More knives than lies. We're not politicians." The zebra dusted off his stripes revealing they were... a stallion like the one Dan had first scene.
"Why the hell do you keep doing that? I get it- you have disguises. I dressed up as a pizza guy once to-"
"-break into Canterlot Castle, yes, we know of that, too," the pony said. "My name is Visor."
"Like Supervisor or Adviser?"
"Whichever you like."
"I'd like my hands back. Now." And just like that, the binders around Dan's wrists detached. They fell to the ground and disappeared. Again, this was not technology, not like what Vice Grip or Rice Puddinghead did. This was magic at work again.
Dan rubbed his wrists. It was a lot to take in, as were most of the revelations he received regularly. Every time he thought he knew Equestria, it went and changed on him, something else was uncovered. Perhaps that was the same with Earth, too; he'd seen his fair share of shadowy organizations back home. Not that he'd ever talked to Chris and Elise that much about it.
"We want to help you eliminate Rice Puddinghead and restore Equestria's sovereignty."
Those words made Dan's eyes go wide. "Go on."
"I thought that would catch your attention. Look, your world has changed and you're going to have to admit that sooner or later." Visor got up and started to pace in circles, hooves clasped behind his back. That was something Dan had seen before. "We've been doing this for quite some time. Even Celestia and Luna knew about us, though not the extent of our operations. Or our goals. But we quite like Equestria; this kingdom is a lot like the Republic."
"Where are my friends?" Dan asked through partially-gritted teeth.
"They're being loaded up to be delivered to Rice's testing ground. We're not sure what he's using them for yet," Visor explained. "But the frozen ones are just the ones from Ponyville. The rest of them are in-"
"Tartarus?" Dan guessed.
She confirmed it with a nod. "From what we can tell, yes."
"Twilight's there?" Dan pressed. "With Chrys and Fluffle Puff? And Nicky and-"
"From what we can tell, yes, they are," she made a pushback gesture with her hooves. "We gathered from the Doctor that you're going to try to break into Tartarus through the Donquestrians and we want to help you with that as well. We just want you to do us a favor or two along the way."
Dan folded his arms. "And what might that be?"
She leaned forward on the table, looked down at the cake. "Some of our agents have not been so lucky. The donkeys are quite good at security- almost as good as you."
"I'll believe that when I- actually, no, I just don't believe that."
"The gate to Tartarus is deep within the bowels of the donkey's most heavily-secured prison: the Bursavis Prison Complex," she explained. "The only way to get through to Donquestria is to pass through the gates at New Troy."
"Why can't we just fly there? You got any airships?"
The pony sneered slightly. "Not any more. There's a ship in orbit the likes of which we've never seen before. No record of it. It's shot everything down that even tries to take off. We lost all our ships to it, so did the griffons and the goats."
"What kind of ship? Wait-" Dan thought, "Does it look like a weird golfbag?"
Visor shook his head. "It's a fighter. Small, but it's got one helluva gun on it. Shoots everything down from orbit so nothing can even get close. Honestly, it would be very, very useful to have it on our side. We only know it's up there because we tried to contact it using an observatory. Got a decent enough look at it before it turned the telescope into slag."
Dan thought again. "The ship from Galaga? Old arcade game?"
He nodded. "Sounds about right, to be honest. Flying is out of the question and to get through those gates, you're going to have to use the train."
"Fantastic. I remember the last time I was on a train and it involved donkeys," Dan remarked. "So while I'm at this prison, you want me to break out some of your agents? Other assassins? Is that it?"
"Yes. There's also a few other individuals we want you to look out for while you're there, and these-"
Dan slammed the table. "Look. I don't care about you assassins or your creed. Equestria's on good terms with the donkeys and I happen to be a royal guard captain."
He held his hooves up defensively. "We're willing to work with your diplomatic ties-"
"I'm NOT going to be dishonest. I'm NOT betraying my friends OR our allies. I'm NOT joining your fruity little club, bub," Dan declared. "Write that in your secret history book."
Visor smiled. "I don't have to. Bring him in!"
From the other end of the kitchen, Boba Fett stepped through with Doctor Whooves. The former pointed a rifle at the latter.