A Christmas to Remember

by TwiPON3


We're All About to be Criminals, and My Name's Not Seth Anymore, It's Alex Ivanov

Things went... sort of planned. Sofia was arrested, but went to jail instead of a crazy-home. The following day, Autumn and Speedy went to his house for... festivities while the Rainbooms were gathered in Seth's house, looking for a cheap laptop somewhere in a spot of junk.

"Girls," Seth said, "Which of you has high-speed internet access?"

"Why?" Rainbow Dash asked, scared as Seth started looking in the microwave, "You let your sister go to puh-rison!"

"That was just to appease the cops. She won't be there for long, and we all know it."

"Are ya sayin' we're breakin' her out?"

"Nie, ty hrobany prydurak fiermiera! My zbirajemsia ŭziać savieckuju Radzimu nazad ŭ časie ŭ epochu Iosifa Stalina! Što ty dumaješ, čort pabiary!" Seth yelled.

"What?"

"I'm sorry, Applejack. By the way, my name's actually Alex Ivanov, not Seth DeMeats," he said, the atmosphere around him suddenly changing ever-so-slightly with that fact being out in the open, "Thinking back, I'm glad you didn't understand that, or any Byelorussian for that matter."

"Uh, yeah."

"Is this it with the upside-down letters on the box!?" Pinkie called from the basement.

"Bring it up!"

Pinkie came up with an unopened box, clearly with tech inside, and she was rotating it at weird angles, "I can't read it!"

Мінск Кампутары - Пустыя ноўтбукі

"Well," Alex said, "I don't want to use a Soviet laptop to do this, but I'll be more pissed at myself if I let her rot in jail for longer than I have to," he opened it, seeing a brand-new, 2008-era laptop and a note inside.

Алекс, шкада, што я не магу прыехаць у Нью-Ёрк на дзень нараджэння. Я ведаю, што вы будзеце любіць гэта амаль столькі ж, як і вы мама і мяне. Сыстэмы.

"I remember when they shipped it to me from Minsk," Alex said, plugging it in and looking at the keyboard, grateful that it was a Standard-Soviet/International-English hybrid.

"We have high-speed at the barn," Applejack said, as the laptop returned an error that read Там няма сістэмы прывада.

"Good," he said, getting a book of matches from a drawer, "We're gonna need to burn the laptop afterwards, so is there a good place to do it?"

"Don't worry 'bout a thing."

"Good," he said, pulling a USB from the drawer labelled пайшоў на хуй.

"What is that, darling?" Rarity asked.

"USB Key to install FUL."

"What?"

"It means, 'Fuck You Linux'," he replied, causing her face to go red, "I wrote it in 2012 with the intent of breaking into Jonagold's phone to ruin his marriage so he'd ship me back off to at least Ostberlin, but his wife was a slut and thought that the more places her žančyna Pliamy were online, the more he liked her. Spoiler, I never got to move back to the Motherland. The reason I chose the name, I went up to him one day and said, 'Fuck you, I'm a Soviet!' before dislocating his jawbone."

Later, they headed out to Applejack's house and began working.