“Hello, Everypony!” Spike announces to the gathering ponies. The mares of the herd have set up a number of courses on one of the open fields between Sweet Apple Acres and Ponyville. They have dozens of crates to serve as stadium seating of sorts, the youngest fillies sitting up front while the mares and older fillies choose to stand closer to the action. Even Big Mac and Granny Smith have braved the mild afternoon sun in order to watch.
“Welcome to the first annual Iron Pony Competition!” Spike holds up a short stick, complete with leaf, as a microphone. His claw sweeps to reveal a large banner reading the same, a scoreboard with two placards: one of a crescent moon and wand, the other a six pointed star with five other stars arranged around. Fluttershy waves back to him from a stack of numbered signs.
“Today, we have two competitors vying for the enviable position of sixth, and some might say luckiest, mare of Herd Apple!” Spike’s voice deepens as he rolls his claw towards the two unicorns like he is rolling his consonants, pulling out a long piece of paper, “In-n-n the Purple corner we have Ponyville’s very own Tw-w-wilight Sparkle, r-resident l-l-librarian of the Golden Oaks Library! Wiel-l-lder of the El-l-lement of Magic! First at Pr-r-rincess Cel-l-lestia’s School to-”
“Hurry it up already!” shouts Scootaloo, a smattering of laughter from the fillies.
“Yeah! We wanna hear about the G and P T!” snorts Apple Bloom.
“Tell us about the time Trixie defeated the Ursa Minor!” yells Sweetie Belle.
Spike rolls his eyes, dropping the paper. It unfurls as he continues, “An-n-nd in the Blue corner… Wait, I’m getting a correction here. In-n-n the Azure corner we have the newest, but by no means least, resident of Ponyville. Give it up for Tr-r-rixie L-l-lu-u-ul-l-la-a-amo-o-on! Through the clever use of her magic, she-”
“Go back to Canterlot!” shouts Apple Bloom.
“Las Pegasus!” corrects Sweetie Belle with a harsh whisper.
“Oh, right.” Apple Bloom shouts again, “Go back to Las Pegasus!”
“Your only fans are Snips and Snails!” jeers Scootaloo.
“Tell us about the time Twilight defeated the Ursa Minor!” yells Sweetie Belle.
Applejack walks up behind the three fillies, roughly knocking their heads together. “What in the hay are you three doing?” Applejack grunts out through clenched teeth, her best stare leveled at the trio. Trixie and Twilight exchange smirks, trying to keep from bursting out laughing as most of the ponies watch.
Apple Bloom cheerfully responds, “Cutie Mark Crusader Opinion Designators!”
Scootaloo continues, “We’re trying to get our cutie marks in heckling!”
“For the record, I was not on board with this plan,” Sweetie Belle says, rubbing her head.
“But it was on the list,” Scootaloo says, holding up a long sheet of paper, pointing a hoof at a picture of a filly’s head with a text bubble filled with lots of weird punctuation. “So Twilight said it was okay.”
“Let me see that!” Applejack says as she swipes the list. “Campaign profiteer? Underwater basket weaving? Communications? You call this communicating?”
“Y-yes?” Apple Bloom says, offering a large smile. “We weren’t pickin’ on nopony!”
“Yeah!” Scootaloo says, nodding along. “We’re equal opportunity hecklers here!”
Sweetie Belle squats down, folding her forelegs. “For the record, still not on board.”
Applejack firmly sets her hoof on Sweetie Belle’s withers, “And yet, sometimes Ah think those two need to hear that voice of reason, repeated over and over, until they stop doing what you know you all shouldn’t be doing.” Applejack turns to the other two, pointing a hoof at each in turn, “And Ah better not hear another peep out of you two that ain’t encouraging. ‘Cause if Ah do, there will be consequences. Got it?”
Two thoroughly cowed and repentant fillies nod to Applejack. The orange mare stares at each of them for another second before huffing, walking away to join Rainbow Dash at the start of the first contest.
Spike returns to his announcing, “For the Iron Pony Competition, we have a series of twenty events that will test both mind and body. Each event is a staple in many of the rodeos popular in this and many other earth pony towns. First off, the barrel lead!”
Trixie and Twilight walk to a long path staked out in the grass. Ten colorful barrels are set up, each ten yards away from the last, offset two yards to the side with a finish line after the last barrel. Twilight stares at the barrels, then at Trixie, finally asking, “So, what do we do here?”
Applejack forces a smile to her muzzle, her eyes conveying just the slightest bit of disappointment for the unicorn in front of her. “It’s a race. You have to pass outside of each barrel, and then cross the finish line at the end.”
“Oh.” Twilight rubs a hoof to her chin, “And that’s it?”
Applejack continues, “Well, you’re not supposed to touch the barrels. There’s a five second penalty for nudging, and a ten point for knocking it over or for failing to pass outside.”
“And you want to do this as fast as possible?” Twilight asks.
Rainbow slaps a hoof to her forehead at the constant clarification, muttering to herself, “It’s going to be like this for everything, isn’t it.”
Applejack nods, “Yes. As low a time as you can. Observe.”
Applejack moves to the starting line as Spike holds up a stopwatch. He depresses one side, Applejack taking off like a bolt. She weaves back and forth through the barrels, though she barely nudges the second to last one as her hoof slightly slips. “Dagnabbit!” she exclaims as she finishes the race, shaking her head as she trots back to the two.
“Seventeen seconds!” announces Spike, holding up the stopwatch for everypony to see.
“You’re kidding!” says Applejack, though she rubs the side that nudged the barrel. “Alright, Trixie, you’re up first.”
“Very well,” Trixie says, stretching her legs before she walks up to the starting line. She bends down, about to begin as Twilight walks next to her. Trixie raises an eyebrow, but Twilight merely stops, meditating. Trixie shakes her head, readying herself.
The click of a stopwatch starting rings out, Trixie taking off. She is noticeably slower than Applejack, but takes extra care on her corners, not bumping any of the barrels.
Spike clicks the stopwatch as Trixie gallops across the finish line, announcing, “Twenty eight seconds!”
“Not bad for a first run!” Applejack says, smiling at the slightly out of breath unicorn. “Okay, Twilight, you ready?”
Twilight doesn’t respond, merely continuing her mediation, her horn dimly lit.
“Um,” Applejack says, cocking her head to the side and squinting. “You okay there, Twi?”
Twilight barely nods her head, her eyes remaining closed.
“Okay, then.” Applejack shrugs, nodding to Spike. Spike shrugs back at her, depressing the stopwatch with a metallic ‘clack’.
Twilight’s eyes spring open, pure white orbs as she calculates. Her horn flares a deep raspberry, and after one second she disappears from the starting line, reappearing on the outside of the first barrel. Half a second later she disappears again, teleporting to the outside of the second barrel. Eight more times she repeats the feat of magic, quite out of breath as she trots across the finish line.
Applejack stares, slack jawed, along with most of the other ponies present.
Twilight’s pace turns to a slower walk as she returns to the group, smiling brightly. “That was fun! So, who won?”
After a few seconds Spike announces, “Uh… eight seconds!” He glances around, settling on Rainbow and saying, “Is, um, is that a new record?”
“Pff,” Rainbow snorts, shaking her head. “For an earth pony, sure. But if you can use magic?” Rainbow snatches the stopwatch from Spike’s claws. Rainbow shouts, “Agility!” as she tosses the stopwatch ten feet into the air.
A rainbow blur originates from where Rainbow Dash was hovering, leaving a lightning bolt shaped rainbow contrail that weaves back and forth between the barrels, none of them disturbed even while the grass to either side is flattened by the wind. The blur hits the finish line, arcing over the racecourse as Rainbow lands next to Spike, catching the stopwatch out of midair. She bows as she smugly says, “They don’t call me Rainbow and Dash for nothing!” to the hoof stomps of the spectators.
“Twilight!” Applejack exclaims, stomping a hoof on the ground. “You ain’t supposed to use magic in these contests!”
“Really?” Twilight says, raising an eyebrow. “That seems like something you should have said before the race.” She glances over at Doug, their unofficial judge sitting nearby the scoreboards.
Applejack sputters, “Well, that’s ‘cause Ah didn’t think Ah needed to say it!” She turns to Doug, the human rifling through a few pages of rules.
“Well,” Doug says, grimacing a little, “The rules are pretty old. They say that ’Each competitor will compete without the use of any outside magic or other assistance.’ But, these rules are written for earth pony competitors. A lot of the contests, like the long jump, don’t make sense if you have a pegasus using their wings, or a unicorn who can levitate themselves.”
“You’re foaling me!” Applejack sputters, trotting over to Doug. He spins the papers around for her to read, a hoof tracing line by line, mouthing the words. She grunts as she flips to the next page, just descriptions of the contests. “Ah can’t believe we didn’t write that down.” She glances at Doug, “Do we make ‘em redo it?”
Doug, his smile neutral, looks up at Fluttershy, the yellow pegasus holding up a large ‘1’ placard but unsure of where to place it. Doug slowly considers; he doesn’t want them to use magic for Applejack’s sake, but quite a number of the contests would be a lot more interesting to watch if they could use magic.
“Usin’ magic’s cheatin’!” shouts Apple Bloom.
“Not using magic denies who they are!” returns Sweetie Belle.
“Rainbow Dash is the best!” adds Scootaloo.
“Alright, you three,” Applejack grunts out, corralling the trio. “That does it. You’re coming with me.”
“Oh, no!” they chorus, whimpering a little as Applejack leads them to the third and fourth contest.
Doug stands up, clearing his throat. He announces, “The rules will be amended to state that there will be no use of wings or horns during the main Iron Pony competition. However, since I personally want to see how you perform with magic in some of the other contests, the tiebreaker will be who can win the most contests with the use of their magic. However, there may be some restrictions on what spells you can use.”
“Aww, you mean I can’t just teleport to win everything?” asks Twilight with a grin.
Doug shakes his head, “Nope, sorry. Are those rules agreeable to both parties?” The two unicorns nod, Doug continuing as he writes down the rules amendment, “So, Trixie, you are able to run the barrel lead again, with magic.”
Trixie sighs, unable to think of a way to use her magic to speed herself up, much less cut her time in third. “Trixie forfeits that race.”
“Very well.” Doug tallies on one of the pieces of paper as he motions to the barrels, “Alright, Twilight, you are up one to zero in the magic rounds, but you need to run the race again. Good luck.”
Twilight mumbles to herself as she gets to the starting line, “Okay, Twilight, you can do this. You read all about running, and cornering, and pacing yourself!” She readies herself, her horn definitely not lit this time, as she calculates how fast she needs to go to beat Trixie.
Spike clicks the stopwatch, Twilight taking off with a puff of dust. Her pace is slightly faster than Trixie, and even though her cornering isn’t nearly as quick she doesn’t hit any of the barrels. Twilight gallops across the finish line as Spike announces, “Twenty seven seconds! Twilight wins the barrel lead!”
“Wohoo!” Twilight cheers as Fluttershy places the ‘1’ placard next to Twilight’s cutie mark.
“Trixie lost?” Trixie stomps a hoof in frustration, “Don’t think you can get used to that, Twilight! Trixie is sure to win the next round!”