It was night time and Sanies decided to wander into a garden full of statues to see how many of them were crooks and how many of them were just normal statues. And what better way of doing that than by meditating and seeing how many voices he can here. Annoyingly, he can only here one voice, with that voice coming from the draconequus statue. It wouldn't be so bad if it weren't for the fact that the voice is singing.
I used to wonder wonder what friendship could be,
My Little Dissy,
Until you ponies petrified me!
Sanies then crawled to the statue in order to give it some choice words.
"Can you please not sing? It makes it difficult for me to concentrate on my telepathy magic"
"Ooh, someone who could listen in on my thoughts! What do you think of my singing?"
"I'm not going to dignify that with a response"
"Could be worse, I could be singing 'The Doom Song'. Now THAT would make it difficult for you to concentrate on your magic. Speaking of which, I did not know dragons can do magic. What can you do? Make a bunny appear out of thin air by breathing fire?"
Clearly, Sanies has heard enough from the statue and decided to head off. Maybe he would have better luck finding allies in the Badlands. Would be funny if he bumped into Sacanas on the way. Then the statue spoke again, much to Sanies' growing annoyance.
"Perhaps we should introduce ourselves to one-another. After all, you're a bad guy, I'm a bad guy. We could be bad guys together"
"How do you know of my moral alignment?"
"Well, the look and voice kinda gave it away. I'll start. Hi, my name is Discord and I'm a statue. I was a draconequus that lived in a quaint little house in Chaosville, then I got bored because there was nothing to do and so I decided to visit a land filled with centaurs and gargoyles to see if I could make some friends. When I got there, I did what I did best: create some chaos"
"You mean make it rain chocolate?"
"Hey! Who's telling the story here?! It's rude to interrupt a storyteller you know"
"So is, quote on quote, creating chaos"
"Aaaaaaanyways, the ruler of the centaurs, King Vorak, found my antics to be amusing and appointed me as his court jester. But after finding out that the centaurs and gargoyles were laughing AT me rather than with me, I left Vorak's services. I mean, how am I funny?! Do I look like a clown?! Am I here to amuse you?! And when I tried telling jokes, THEY WERE STARING AT ME LIKE THEY WERE WONDERING WHAT THE TARTARUS I WAS ON ABOUT!!!! Ahem, but I digress. And so I heard of this land called Equestria, courtesy of the king's son, Tirek, trying to steal all the magic there. So I thought why not have a bit of fun there. Now the interesting thing here is that while the centaurs found my brand of chaos to be hilarious, the little ponies were screaming their heads off! Now that's funny! Who needs friendship when you can create as much chaos as you want? It's not like anyone would accept my chaotic nature!"
"You and Sacanas would make great allies one day. Well, since you introduced yourself to me (even though I never asked for your introduction) I suppose it would seem fair to introduce myself. I am Sanies, I like flying, long walks on the beach, and petrifying people then smashing the resulting statues into irrepairable pieces"
That last sentence shut Discord up as Sanies looked on with a smirk. He then decided to leave the garden to travel to the Badlands. Even if a reality-warping, chaos-loving draconequus would benefit Sanies greatly, there are two things about Discord that undermine the fact that he could be an ace in the hole. One: As the spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, he is inherently unpredictable and might betray you for nothing more than kicks and giggles. Two: He is incredibly annoying, even more so than Sacanas. But the moment Sanies left the garden, someone threw a big rock at him.
WHACK!
When he came too, he noticed he was tied up somewhere and two ponies, one a blond-maned unicorn wearing an extremely flamboyant outfit and clown make-up, and the other an Earth Pony with green hair, ruby red lips and scars on his cheeks, also wearing clown make-up. The green-haired one spoke up.
"Here's how we do this little tango, you tell us how you can talk to our lord and saviour Discord, and maybe we might think about not killing you"
"Magic" Sanies deadpanned. That earned him a hoof to the face.
"THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH!" the earth pony shouted "Me and my compadre here have bombs for days and we will turn you into a bomb until you tell us HOW WERE YOU TALKING TO DISCORD!!!!"
"Oh no, I'm wetting myself" Sanies said sarcastically while trying not to laugh "Okay, if you want an answer, here it is: I know telepathy and if you help me with certain errands, I might teach you how to talk to your beloved Discord". That seemed to have resonated with the clowns, who then untied him and introduced themselves.
"I'm Killing Joke" the earth pony introduced himself "And my unicorn counterpart over here is Divine Comedy". Divine Comedy then laughed a surprisingly familiar, if a bit creepy, laugh. And then Killing Joke laughed as well.
"Great, I'm stuck with a bunch of lunatics" Sanies thought to himself, wondering how in Tartarus did he get into his situation. But enough thinking about the negativity of having these clowns as minions, he had a plan to enact.
"Here's the plan" Sanies announced "You will proceed to rob every citizen in Yakyakistan. If they have gems, crystals and bits, take as much as possible and, in order to create distrust between ponies and yaks, kill as many yaks as possible"
Divine Comedy just laughed his head off at that "plan", much to Sanies' annoyance.
"What's so funny this time?"
"Kill as many yaks as we like?! HOHOHOHOOO! Have you met us?! Especially me because I LIVE for the destruction of everything in this Tartarus forsaken world!"
"In that case, you and me are going to get along swimmingly. Now, after you have done that, teleport to Canterlot and take at least one-hundred unicorns hostage and then teleport back here before Celestia and her cronies show up. So that way, I can easily absorb their magic before personally killing them myself"
Sanies then handed Killing Joke and Divine Comedy some bits
"These can be used to hire Diamond Dogs and other nasty creatures to help you take hostages so you could have more time escaping Canterlot once you are done with Yakyakistan. And if anyone you hire complains about the small amount of bits, tell them I will pay them rather handsomely for their hard work after Celestia shows up"