Well, I sure found myself in a weird situation. I begged asked Starlight to cast a spell so I could forget the weirdness that her, Twilight, Pinkie, Rarity, Applejack, and Rainbow's flirting did to me when they were under a spell from Discord.
But I really should've thought that through, with Starlight's tendency to screw-up spells when she uses them for plans like this one. The spell I asked Starlight to cast backfired, and a "side effect" from it had almost every mare thinking I'm their boyfriend.
Trixie was the first to come after me, and she even tried to drag me away to give me the "greatest show of my life" in her magic! But Starlight freed me, and got Trixie to leave me alone...for now. Then Fluttershy took a turn when I, along with Starlight and Spike, went to her place, hoping I could hide there. Another lie from Starlight got Flutterlovergirl to let me go, and we got out of there! I will hope that a certain Lord of Chaos doesn't get mad about Fluttershy doing that.
And apparently, any mare that's not Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie, Rainbow, or Starlight would give me the same kind of "treatment" Trixie and Fluttershy did if they see me, until Starlight can fix the spell on me. But for the time being, she's just focused on finding me a safe place to hide out, and Spike's with us to try to help us.
Now hiding in some bushes, Starlight, Spike, and I were trying to plan our next move.
"Okay, so the castle and Fluttershy's place are out, so what now?" Spike asked.
"Well, maybe I can hide at Applejack's farm for now."
Starlight reminded, "You know Applejack's gonna let you and me have it, for trying this 'stunt' she'll probably call it, right, Buggie?"
"Oh...yeah, she will. We better pick another place then."
Spike suggested, "Well, what about if we hide Eric at Rainbow's place?"
"Hmm. That could work, and she's immune the this spell's side effect, right, Starie?"
"Yeah, she will be, let's hurry over there!"
To avoid me being seen, Starlight cast an invisibility spell on me, I got on her back so she and Spike would know where I was, and we sped off to Rainbow's place. She's strong enough to carry me on her back without too much trouble, even when I'm normal-sized, and is as tall as her.
At Rainbow's, in front of her door, Starlight removed her invisibility spell on me, I got off her back, and we told Rainbow what happened. She got a good laugh out of it.
"Ha, ha! Oh, this is too rich! And Trixie tried to drag you away with her, Eric? Ha ha ha!"
I was not amused, and I whined, "It's not funny, Rainbow!"
"Well, of course not, for you! But I'll stop....ha ha ha!" Rainbow put a hoof on her chest. I guess it was hurting from her laughing.
Starlight rolled her eyes, and asked, "Well, if you must keep laughing, Rainbow, can Buggie at least go hide inside while you do it?'
Still laughing and holding her chest, Rainbow nodded her head. But before I could get in, I felt something grab me from behind, and I found myself in the hooves of...Spitfire, who was giving me -- you guessed it -- a romantic smile, and tried to bat her eyes. She did not do it better than Rainbow.
But now a mare I barely even know had gotten into the act! Rainbow finally stopped laughing about my "mare" problem, when she saw who had me in her grip.
"S-Spitfire? What are you doing here?!" Rainbow asked, with her mouth open at the sight of me in Spitfire's grip.
Turning her head in Rainbow's direction, Spitfire told Rainbow, "Why do you think, Rainbow Crash? I'm here to kiss my boyfriend!" She turned her head back to me, and told me, "Now, big boy, here comes the biggest kiss of your life!" She tried to kiss me on the lips, and I turned away, as you probably guessed I would.
"Aw, now that's cute, but I'll get you on the lips eventually. I didn't get where I am on the Wonderbolts for giving up easy!"
Spitfire started trying to get me on the lips, forcing me to hold her back. After a few moments stunned, Starlight snapped out of it and finally stepped in to free me from Spitfire's grip with her magic.
"Wait, wait, Spitfire! Buggie's not prepared for...this. And you of all ponies should know how important it is to be prepared! Don't you want to get the best kiss of your life from your....boyfriend?"
"Uh, yeah! Starlight's right, Spitfire!" Spike yelled out. "Give us some time to get him ready, okay?"
"Uh...Yes! I can give you the biggest kiss of your life, but you gotta give me some time to prepare, okay, my little, uh...Firecracker?"
I have no idea what made me call Spitfire "Firecracker" as a pet name. But I do know I was just trying to say anything to get Spitfire to go away.
"Oh, 'Firecracker', I like that! I knew my boyfriend was something special! All right you take some time, Hot Lips, and I'll come back later. And then, your 'Firecracker' will give you the greatest kiss of your life!"
I shuddered, as Spitfire flapped her wings and flew away.
Hearing all that made Rainbow Dash fall on her back, as she cracked up laughing again, even louder than she was before. "Ha, ha! Oh, that was even richer! And you called Spitfire, 'My little Firecracker'? Oh, Eric! Ha ha ha!"
I sarcastically laughed at Rainbow, then turned to Starlight. "Well, I guess this place is out too, now what?"
"You know that Buggie? Let's just head to Applejack's. At least she won't laugh about it like Rainbow is."
The laughing Hyena Pegasus finally stopped her laughing and agreed with Starlight. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry about that. But that really does sound like a good idea, but you know she's gonna give you all a hard time, right?"
"Yeah, I know. But I'll take that over what you just did, Rainbow. Plus, I don't think I'll have to worry about being hit on over there."
And with that, Starlight, Spike, and I headed over to Applejack's, after Starlight recast the invisibility spell, and I got on her back again.
At Applejack's farm, in her house, sitting in chairs around a wooden table, we told Applejack what was going on. After we did, as you probably guessed would happen, she let Starlight and me have it.
"Are you two crazy?! Eric, I can get why yer still a bit freaked-out over last week, and again, I'm really sorry about that. But asking Starlight to cast this kind of spell? And ya went along with it, Starlight?"
Rubbing the back of my head, I confessed, "Well, I'll admit, this wasn't one of my better ideas. But I just wanted to forget that feeling from last week! It was just too weird!"
Starlight rubbed the back of her head as well with a hoof, and admitted, "And you're right, I shouldn't have done the spell."
Taking my hand off my head, I asked, "But can I hide here, so Starlight can focus on fixing this spell? She can't work on doing it if she's worried about some love-sick mare coming out from somewhere."
"Well, I guess so, if almost every mare will be after...wait, hold on," Applejack looked in the direction of her back door. "Maybe ya shouldn't hide here."
"What's wrong?" Spike asked.
"You three said every mare that's not me, Pinkie, Rainbow, Twilight, Rarity, or Starlight would be after Eric, right?"
Starlight said, "If you're worried about Apple Bloom trying anything, this spell's effect won't affect her, because she's still a filly. Fillies wouldn't be affected by a spell like this."
"Oh, I wasn't thinkin' about Apple Bloom, I was thinkin' about--"
Just then, from behind the back door, we heard a voice call out, "Hey, Applejack, is that my boyfriend--"
It was Granny Smith! Oh, buck no! As soon as I heard her voice, I didn't stick around any longer to hear what she said after that: I jumped off my chair, picked up Spike with one arm, grabbed Starlight's hoof on one of her forelegs with a hand on my other arm. Then, I ran out of that house through the front door, carrying Spike in an arm and dragging Starlight behind me by her hoof. The only way I could have gotten out any faster was if I teleported out!
After we ran away from the farm, with me still dragging her, Starlight called out, "I think we're a safe distance away, Buggie, so you can stop dragging me!"
"I'm not taking any chances, Starie! Till we get in that bush in front of us, I am not gonna stop running!"
I jumped into that bush, taking Spike and Starlight in it with me. Carrying Spike wasn't that bad, but dragging Starlight, a full-grown pony, as far as I did, was tiring, so I had to catch my breath. Starlight had to catch her breath a bit too, for being dragged on the ground so far.
"Okay...I guess we should've thought a little harder when we picked the Apple farm."
"You guess, Spike? I'll rather go back to Trixie and let her drag me away to whatever she wanted to do than kiss Granny Smith on the lips!"
Spike agreed, "I wouldn't blame you."
"Well, time to think of another place for me to hide."
"Well, since Pinkie's immune to this spell's side effect, maybe we can hide you in her room at Sugarcube Corner, Buggie?"
"Well, as long as Granny Smith isn't going to go there anytime soon, I'm game to try to hide there."
Now at Sugarcube Corner, we were going to tell Pinkie Pie all that happened, and why I want to hide in her room till Starlight fixes the side effect of the spell on me. But she was nowhere to be seen, and the place seemed empty. This time, even though I still got on Starlight's back, she forgot to recast her invisibility spell, so I was visible the whole time we ran to Sugarcube Corner. And after what happened with Granny Smith, I forgot to remind her. Though, I'm not sure what made Spike and Starlight forget.
Spike walked around the empty bakery. "Odd. I thought Pinkie was working today."
With a hand on my chin, I answered, "Maybe she's on her break or something?"
All of a sudden, Mrs. Cake barged through the entrance door, and you know what she did: she ran up to me with a romantic smile, batting her eyes (worse than Rainbow, but better than Spitfire) wrapped her forelegs around me, and tried to kiss me on the lips. Of course, I turned away.
"My big cupcake's in a teasing mood today, huh? But what took you so long to get here?"
Great. Not only was I going through this again, but now it's a married mare that I was in the grip of. Mr. Cake might want to kick my butt all over Equestria if he saw this! It's a good thing Starlight's with me. I might need the protection of her, one of the most powerful Unicorns in Equestria if he saw Mrs. Cake doing this.
"Wait, Mrs. Cake!" I shouted. "We can't do this! What about Mr. Cake?!"
"Oh, forget that old fart! I want myself a real stallion! Even if you're not technically a 'stallion'!"
Starlight broke me from Mrs. lovin's grip with her magic before she landed a kiss on my lips, and Spike said, "W-W-Wait, Mrs. Cake? Don't you want to have a big party to celebrate you getting a real, uh, 'stallion'?"
"Oh, of course, Spike! Why didn't I think of that before? I'll get right on that!"
Lyra ran in through the still-open door, knocking down Starlight and Spike (because they were standing in front of it) and had a romantic smile. She's a Unicorn, so she used her magic to drag me to her, threw her forelegs around me, batted her eyes, and landed a kiss on my lips! Just like with Trixie, because I was in Lyra's magic, I couldn't turn my head in time. I did still wipe my mouth though. And did I say that Unicorns are OP?
"Surprise! You didn't have to come here to buy me any sweets, you're the only 'sweet' I need, Sweet Stuff!"
Mrs. Cake didn't like that. She went over to Lyra, poked her in the eye to force her to release me from her magical grip, and yelled, "Get your own boyfriend, Lyra! This sweet cupcake is mine!"
Lyra yelled back, "Don't you call him a 'cupcake'! Only I get to call him pet names like that, you old hag!"
Now Bon Bon ran through the open door! I was free, so before Mrs. Cake, Lyra, or I could react, she ran to me, threw her forelegs around me, and kissed me on the lips! At this point, I was just too stunned and tired to resist her. She yelled to Mrs. Cake and Lyra, "Keep your hooves off my boyfriend! Can't you two see he's not interested in you two? Sweet Lips here will want a real mare, like me, not one of you two wannabes!"
Lyra responded, "But I don't think Eric wants a real disappointment of a mare like you, Bon Bon!"
"Yeah, so let him go, get out of my bakery, and take that other real disappointment away with you, Bon Bon! My cupcake and I want to be alone!"
And things just kept getting worse for me.
Miss Cheerilee ran in through the open door, and forced Bon Bon to loosen her grip by biting her on the side of a hoof she still had wrapped around me. Once I was free, Cheerilee wrapped her forelegs around me, gave that 'ol romantic smile and eye batting, and kissed me on the lips. And I wasn't feeling too good at this point.
"What's wrong, Sugar Bear? Are you tired?"
In a weak voice, I answered, "Y-yeah, I am, Miss Cheerilee."
Cheerilee let me go, and placed me on her back, saying, "Well come with me, and I'll help you to relax, Sweet Thing!
And we can't make this a party without her: Derpy came flying through the open door! She crashed into Cheerilee, and since I was still on Cheerilee's back, all three of us hit the floor. Derpy was at least nice enough to help me up, before doing what the other mares up to this point has done, and got me to the lips.
Why couldn't something like this happen to me when I was still in my old human world?! Oh, right, it had no Starlight Glimmer in it to do a spell like this, and have it backfire like this!
During all this, Spike and Starlight were still lying on the floor, from when Lyra knocked them down when she ran though the door to Sugarcube Corner, with their mouths wide open at the...attention I was getting in front of them.
Spike finally got up and said to Starlight, "I think this is getting out of control, Starlight! And how did they all know Eric was here?"
Starlight, still lying on her stomach, facehoofed. "Uh-oh, Spike. I forgot to recast that invisibility spell, so they must've seen Buggie come in with us!"
Still in Derpy's grip, I finally screamed, "Starlight! Your little brother could use his big sister's help right about now!!"
I didn't have to ask my big sis twice. She finally stood up and teleported me to her. Not even trying to think of an excuse to tell the love-struck mares, she just told me to run. And run I did!
With Mrs. Cake, Bon Bon, Lyra, Cheerilee, and Derpy chasing us, Starlight, Spike, and I ran out of Sugarcube Corner and around it in a circle. But Spike and I couldn't run as fast as Starlight when she's running at full speed, so once she saw us falling behind she picked us up with her magic and levitated us beside her, so we could keep up with her.
After Starlight turned around a corner of the building, she dived into some bushes, taking us in with her. The five crazy mares chasing us ran right past the bushes we were hiding behind. After a minute, they thought we got away, and gave up their chase.
After I caught my breath I yelled, "Okay, this is getting ridiculous! Is there any place in Ponyville I can hide?!"
"I'm starting to think 'No', Buggie. At this rate, I'll never get the chance to figure out how to reverse that spell on you! It won't be nearly as hard as it was to learn the counterspell to the Nightmare Prevention Spell, but I'll still need about an hour at least to do it!"
Turns out, Starlight picked the wrong bush to hide in. I felt myself get yanked out by a hoof and I found myself in the forelegs of everyone's favorite rock-lover, Maud, who somehow knew we would be there if she waited. Maybe she used her Maud Sense?
"Hi. What took you so long?"
This might've been the most awkward embrace yet. Maud stared right in my eyes, she didn't smile, but she batted her eyes two times, but believe it or not: she still did it better than Spitfire, and she also gave the longest kiss, at eight seconds. This was definitely one of those days I wished I stayed in bed.
After she got done, I just weakly asked, "Uh...Starlight? Help?"
Starlight facehoofed, and said flatly, "Okay, this is getting annoying now."
Starlight's horn glowed, and she teleported herself, Spike, and I back in Twilight's castle, in front of the Cutie Map.
I fell on my back on the floor, and half-joked, "Okay, maybe we should use a time spell and go back in time, so I can stop myself from asking you to cast that spell, Starie."
"At this point, I'm almost considering it, Buggie. This is just crazy!
Spike suggested, "But before we do, maybe we should first just hide Eric somewhere outside of Ponyville?"
"Oh, of course! We can hide him at Sunburst's! Because very few mares besides me visits him, he should be safe there!"
I'm not completely sure if Starlight was trying to roast Sunburst by that, or if she was just stating a fact. But I was on board with that idea, and so was Spike.
"Well, I'm good with that idea."
"Me too. So, Starie, Spike, let's go to the Crystal Empire!"
The three of us headed over to the train station, to catch a train to the Crystal Empire. We were hoping things would go smoothly once we got there. Turns out, we were wrong. Badly wrong.
Oh, and Lyra, Bon Bon, Miss Cheerilee, and Derpy all batted their eyes better than how Rainbow did it.