Sweetie Belle Gains a Soul

by Bad Dragon


18 - Heavy Thoughts

My lower jaw rested upon my chest. Saliva dripped from my open mouth onto my coat. The back of my neck ached from being in an unnatural position for too long. Worst of all, I felt as if there was an ant hill in the middle of my bed. The muscles in my buttocks cramped with an extremely unpleasant sensation.

I figured I just needed to turn myself to the side and lay my head on a pillow. Half asleep, I tilted my head and leaned forward. A weird feeling engulfed me. It was as if I floated up from my bed.

My eyes shot open. What I saw before me wasn’t a ceiling. It was the hard, unyielding ceramic tiles getting bigger. Nothing around me reminded me of my room. And motionless, midair levitation wasn’t what was going on. The bathroom floor swiftly approached as I toppled forth and plunged down ever faster!

I closed my eyes and braced myself for the pain that the bathroom tiles were about to unleash upon me.

KHH!

The scratching noises emanated from above my head,

I waited with clenched teeth, but the pain I was expecting never came. I opened my eyes to see why the collision hadn’t occurred. Maybe gravity really was just a theory, after all.

By all rights, it should have already started to affect me, yet, I was trapped in the air. My face levitated a mere hoof length away from the floor, indicating that I was no longer friends with gravity. It was either that or there was something ahoof in the restroom that prevented the inevitable impact?

I put both forelegs on the floor, just in case gravity decided to start working on me again. When I strained my leg muscles, my body remained still. I couldn’t push the ground away from me.

Waving one hoof above me didn’t reveal what the force holding me down was. Only empty air floated above. I wiggled both hind legs, but I couldn’t move from the spot because the toilet was wedged between them. It held them spread apart more than I was comfortable with. The position of my body was similar to the pose of a mare I’d seen in one of Twilight’s top-shelf books when I had attempted to get a librarian cutie mark.

I didn’t want to spend eternity looking at the bathroom floor, so I continued my efforts in finding the cause of my levitation. Whatever the culprit was, I needed to thank it for preventing my fall, and then, I needed to smack it for trapping me midair!

I touched the back of my head to make sure some cockatrice wasn’t turning me to stone. When I brushed a forehoof through my mane, I didn’t notice any hard, stony surface. Just my usual curly hair. I concluded that being turned to stone wasn’t the cause of my immobility.

My self-touching hoof hit upon something flat where my horn should have been. The surface extended in all directions. I dreaded to think about the notion of having a mere stump. My mind raced ever more because I didn’t feel anything boney or coney before me. There wasn’t any clingy sound like the last time I broke my horn but there had been a screeching sound after I had fallen off the toilet bowl.

I rolled up my eyes in hopes of seeing my horn, but it wasn’t there. The door before me engulfed my whole field of view. I couldn’t touch my cone; I couldn’t see it. My breath ceased. Shivers ran down my spine. “No! No! No! Not this again!” Having a horn was the only hope I had for casting magic spells in the future. It could even allow me to get the kind of cutie mark that only Unicorns and Alicorns could gain.

I didn’t have any guarantee that I could fix it that time around. For all I knew Zecora may have run out of healing potions and even if she had one, she’d probably try to get in my way again.

Panic was getting a hold of me. I pushed my head up and down then left and right. Nothing happened. It was as if my forehead was glued to the door. I knew that wasn’t the case because I wasn’t playing with glue recently. Still, something held me fixed on the spot. There must have been some other reason for my immobility then playing with gluing technology. I was almost sure of it.

When I thumped with both forelegs on the door, I felt my head jerk a little. I pushed with all the force I could muster against the door, and my head, finally, moved away from it. Escape from the booth was in progress.

The brief smile quickly faded as my head connected to the bathroom floor. “Ouch!”

With my face still plastered to the bathroom tiles, I looked up. My horn! I could see it. I was still attached to it.

When I softly bumped the horn with a foreleg, it didn’t hurt at all. After rubbing it up and down, I moaned from the realization that touching it wasn’t hurtful in any way. I’d touch myself more, but I was kind of tired from the recent fight with the flat wood.

In order to distract myself from distracting myself, I looked forth. There was a scratch in the middle of the door and a hole as wide as my horn on the bottom of it. “Whoops!” I put a hoof to my muzzle then quickly shoved it away when I remembered I haven’t washed my hooves yet. My first instinct was to open the faucet to clean them up as is proper, but I stopped halfway. Who’s gonna know? Grown-ups already had me follow so many stupid rules: don’t jump in puddles; comb your mane; don’t pee on the lawn; write your homework; don’t sing out loud at night; brush your horn, don’t break windows… I’d show them! I’d show them all by disobeying their instructions without them knowing about my naughtiness. That would teach them. I could even add the door to that scheme, as long as they wouldn’t find out it was I who broke it.

I promptly forgave myself for the damage I’ve done. There was no use thinking about it any longer. My body was intact, and that was all that mattered. It was a bit odd, though. I gazed at the door. It was wrecked, but for some reason, I didn’t get hurt at all. My horn had smashed through the wood with all my weight behind it, but I didn’t feel any pain. It was as if nothing had happened.

After swinging open the hollow door, I stepped up to the mirror and observed my horn in the reflection. It was there alright.

I moved closer to see how bad I grazed it. By rotating my head in front of the mirror, I observed the bony surface from different angles. My horn was undamaged, despite the merciless battle I’d waged with the solid wooden door. There weren't even any scratches or cracks. Nothing. It was smooth along all the surface. The shade was a bit reddish, but it might have been like that even before I noticed it.

It wasn’t thumping from the inside like that time I smashed it against the branch or the time I broke it on the castle’s door. It just resided on me like the rest of my limbs. I could still feel it. It was a part of me, and I was a part of it. We were one.

The bathroom window cast bright sunrays on the floor. How long was I out? I gasped. Class!

I ran out of the bathroom and burst into the classroom.

The heads of everypony turned to me.

“Sweetie Belle!” A voice from behind the lectern boomed. “You’re late again!”

“I was—” I wanted to say ‘in the restroom’, but I remembered the hole I made in one of the doors and I didn’t want to associate myself with that.. “—late to come to school.” I was really proud of myself because I reacted so crafty. Nopony could accuse me of the damage I made, if I was late, to begin with. “But I came straight to class.” I couldn’t possibly be the culprit.

“Straight to the class as opposed to…”

“Taking a detour?”

She facehooved. “Sweetie Belle, maybe you should have woken up earlier today. Then, you could come to school in time for once.”

“But…” I woke up when it was still dark, and she wanted me to wake up even earlier than that. If I were to try it, I’d have to be waking up before I’d fall asleep. I wasn’t sure if that was even possible. “Earlier would be too early!”

“There aren’t any objective causes that would prevent you from coming to class on time. I’d tolerate you being late here and again if your family still lived in Canterlot and the morning train was held up. Yet, such is not the case; I can see the top of your house from this very window. It’s just a little over a stone-kicking distance away.”

I didn’t know why she would want to kick stones at my house. It would probably be to wake me up before I’d go to sleep. If she could actually kick a stone so far, she might break a window or something. My parents probably wouldn’t be happy about that. If I wasn’t allowed to do it anymore, neither should she. Then again, she was an adult and they might make an exception for her. Ponyville, along with the rest of Equestria, was really oppressive when it came to equal rights. Adults had way more of them than the rest of us ponies.

“How hard can it be to get to school on time, Sweetie Belle?”

“I have to get ready for school, first.”

“And what does that involve besides getting out of your bed?”

“Well... that. And, um, I have to decide on what to wear for the day.”

“You never wear anything...”

“Exactly! I have to go through my whole wardrobe before I get to nothing.”

“Enough excuses, Sweetie Belle!” She groaned. “All it takes you is a few dozen steps from your bed to here. It’s just a matter of walking here when you hear the school bell.”

She had no idea how many distractions were strategically placed on the path to school, school bell being merely one of many. Just thinking of all the distractions sometimes distracted me enough that I would forget to walk forward.

“School is important, Sweetie Belle! If you don’t get a proper education, you’ll never amount to anything. Now, sit down! Tomorrow I expect you to come to school in time. I don’t want to hear any more excuses from you in the future.”

When I sat down behind my desk, an uneasy, splashy feeling oozed from the seat below me. My cheeks got warm. In the heat of the battle with the bathroom door, I had forgotten to use toilet paper for my tush. I silently squealed from the embarrassment. My face stiffened in determination right after. Just because I hadn’t done one of the many basic hygiene practices, it didn’t mean I was failing in any way. I looked at my unwashed hooves. Well... two things... “Ugh!” I’ll still amount to something! 

What does amounting even mean? I continued the conversation with myself in my head. How will I even know if I’m amounting? I placed both forehooves on the table before me and slumped on them as I sighed.

My body leaned back as I lifted a hoof. I’ll get a cutie mark, that’s how! I turned my left hoof toward the right one to bring the point across.

Yes! Of course! I nodded with the right forehoof. I was bound to get it because everypony obtains it sooner or later. It was obvious. The wandering pony who Twilight had told me about, for instance, had gotten it without doing anything special.

It was decided. I’d also get a cutie mark even if I didn’t do nothing. But, what would a symbol representing nada look like? I really hoped it wouldn’t be all white. That would make it really hard to see on my whitish coat.

A thought dawned on me. Wouldn’t getting a cutie mark for nothing mean exactly what Cheerilee implied. Not amounting to anything.

But I wouldn’t get it for nothing anyway. I’d get it before that. I’d get it for—something. Something amountingful or awesome like…

My thought process stopped. I’ve never even considered that some cutie marks might be cooler than others. It must have been true, though. I knew the cutie mark Scootaloo would name if I asked her which one is the coolest. Without even thinking about it, she’d say a rainbow-colored lightning bolt, coming from a fluffy cloud.

Too bad I couldn’t get that one. I imagined only a skilled Pegasus or an Alicorn could get a cutie mark of that sort. Maybe Cheerilee was right and there really was a limit to my amounting.

The only way I could get such a cool cutie mark would be if I grew wings. I scoffed at the silly thought. As if somepony could just grow wings…

Twilight Sparkle! She grew them. I remembered her from before. She had been just a Unicorn like I was. Then, one day, she had decided to erect new appendages. The way I’d heard it, she used magic to turn herself into an Alicorn.

Even Rainbow Dash with the coolest cutie mark was jealous of her.

That made no sense to me. Why would she be jealous if she was the one with the coolest cutie mark around? Could it be that Twilight’s cutie mark was more awesome?

The stars supposedly represented magic. Twilight was, without a doubt, good with magic. She had even beaten Trixie who had insisted that she could do anything better than anypony else. The moon on her cutie mark also symbolized magic.

I wondered if a space-themed cutie mark might even be better than the one Rainbow Dash had? With a magic cutie mark, you could grow wings and get—immortality?

That’s what Rainbow Dash had been jealous of when I had met her the last time. She wasn’t afraid of anything and yet was afraid of death?

I supported my head with both forehooves. Maybe dying is a bad thing. And Twilight, being immortal, could avoid it. That sweet deal of alicorning herself surely demanded a lot of magic. Perhaps if I learned enough of it to become an Alicorn, I’d have a better chance of getting a cutie mark eventually. Twilight said that I would be using a lot of magic if I broke the barrier. I had broken a whole horn before, but I wasn’t sure if that counted.

If I wanted to have a shot at getting a magic cutie mark, it would probably take a lot of training. I just wished it wasn’t so hard. I remembered Twilight’s earlier teachings and her disappointment when I couldn’t even produce a single spark. She made it sound so easy. The session with her got me thinking that I might have gotten really bad at magic after I had cracked my horn and even worse after I broke it off entirely.

I looked around the class. They were all looking at Cheerilee. She drew different kinds of clouds on the board.

I might as well try. It wasn’t like I had anything better to do.

The energies flowed within my forehead. It wasn’t like the throbbing that I had felt when I’d hit the castle's door; I sensed the cony magic-maker with my very being. It seemed almost like another limb that I could make use of.

I closed my eyes and relaxed the muscles. Both forelegs slipped loosely off the table to my sides. I bowed my head and reached out with the channels. My focus was aimed at the horn. The force extended outward, and my mind became one with the surroundings. It wasn’t the way I ‘touched’ the door in the bathroom but soft and sensual. I could feel the slick texture of the surface.

I opened my eyes. It was the table that I sensed. I was touching it. But I wasn’t physically feeling it out. I was sensing it with my channels.

My horn! It glowed! No! Bright things glow. That illumination was different. Black aura radiated through the air. It was more absorbing light than producing it.

The game of light bubbles popping in and out was mesmerizing. I could just stare at the purple bubbles, but I was more curious about what I could do than how my magic looked like.

I thought about touching myself with the mystical channels, but remembered one of many Rarity’s scoldings. Supposedly, touching oneself in public was bad, for some reason.

Must resist touching myself! I kept repeating in my mind. It was hard to hold myself back because there was nothing around me to put on the table to distract myself from the boredom around me.

In my mind, I felt the soil I could play with even before I looked down to see it. My hooves were dirty. That was normal, but with all the running I’ve done, they were even more filthy than usual.

When I rubbed my hooves together, some grime fell from them onto the table. Among it was a small pebble. With my hooves, I isolated it from its natural environment. I bowed my head and focused my charged horn on the target. The energies reached out and touched it. Despite my eyes being closed, I saw the shape of the pebble in my mind. And not just from the side facing me, but from all the angles at once. I felt it better than I could if I was actually touching it with my hooves.

The memories of the times I could use magic dawned on my mind. I had used to be able to do so much more…

Touching the pebble with my mind was nothing, I wanted to move it. My forehead puckered. As the focus increased, so too did the details of the surface I sensed. Even the tiniest bumps and crannies that I probably couldn’t see with my naked eyes were plain to me at that time.

All that nerdy focus strained me, but I kept at the task at hoof. When I yelled at the pebble in my mind, it rolled to the side in reality! I didn’t just see it happen; I felt it with my magic. It probably wasn’t my mental screaming but something else.

I tightened the muscles throughout my body, but the pebble stayed put. The only result of my strain was a silent fart that escaped my behind. I relaxed my muscles so it wouldn’t turn into a loud one.

The instructions that Twilight sang at the training dawned on my mind. It was the flow that needed guidance! When I focused on my body, I could sense the inner tingling. My legs, tummy and head… It wasn't the muscles that tickled me; it was the energies from within. I wasn’t just feeling the flow; I could lead it toward my horn. The arcane presence responded to my whim. I was doing magic again!

Here goes nothing! I focused back on the pebble, then redirected some flow to my horn.

The pebble moved again. I was doing it!

I tried to steer the pebble by focusing on just one side of it. When I channeled the flow against its surface, it moved in the right direction, which brought a smile on my face. I could do telekinesis again! The talent that only Unicorns and Alicorns could learn was within my reach.

But, I wasn’t fully amounting yet. The task wasn’t about merely pushing. I had to levitate the pebble or it wouldn’t count as legit telekinesis!

I focused on the bottom of the rocky plaything. The flow drifted from within me toward my horn. I tapped into my inner energies and increased them ever so slightly.

The pebble moved left and right as if it was trying to resist me. I focused on its sides, and the more flow I opened the more it stabilized. A black aura formed around it. 

Here we go! I directed my attention to the bottom of the pebble. It jumped up in an arch. I decreased the flow and it glided back down.

Almost there! I just needed to equalize the forces on all sides. My focus spread out on every side of the pebble. The black, translucent layer enveloped the entire rocky surface.

I then pushed from below. When I increased the inner flow, the pebble slowly floated up. I followed it with my eyes as it lifted above me.

Even after closing my eyes, I could still feel the small mass hovering in the air.

Magic was fun! The more I was doing it, the easier it became. Almost as if I was holding the pebble up with a hoof. Just more—special.

I had the magic part covered and was in the midst of amounting. The pebble was under my complete control. I proved that I had the ability; at least for the basic stuff. For the advanced magic, I’d probably have to read a bunch of books. I gasped as a thought glinted through my mind. Twilight did that most of her waking hours. That activity seemed very dangerous to me; it was a wonder that she didn’t already die of boredom.

The mortal danger wasn’t my only concern. Even if reading was a safe activity, I didn’t know where I’d find all the time for book-drooling. With school, crusades and everything else, a day just wasn’t long enough. Even if I wrote a letter to Princess Celestia to knock it off with her speedy sun, she probably wouldn’t want to chillax for my sake. Adults never listened to me.

Ditching school wasn’t an option, either. Grown-ups were really strict about proper indoctrination. Unless I did more stuff at the same time, I wouldn’t be able to do it all. A grin graced my face. The idea of sneaking books from Twilight’s castle library and secretly reading them while waiting for pointless school to be over was intriguing.

“I don't know, okay?” I heard Diamond Tiara raise her voice. “But at least I know what the question was. Unlike Sweetie Belle, who isn’t even paying any attention to you at all!”

“Whaa?” I opened my eyes and lifted my head. Diamond Tiara accusingly pointed a hoof at me.

“Is that true Sweetie Belle?” Cheerilee stepped closer to my table and glared at my floating pebble. “Do you know what I asked?”

Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon high-hoofed behind Cheerilee's back.

I had no idea what the question was. The bubbly horn light started to fade. My head, along with the pebble in the air, drifted down in shame.

“How about you stop showing off your magic and pay attention to the class instead!”

I’d probably be forbidden to use my horn in the classroom from then on. Figuring that I’d get scolded even more, I closed my eyes in surrender. Suddenly, my eyes shot open as if by themselves. My head rose high. The aura around my horn thickened.

Cheerilee lifted her eyebrows. When I rose on my hind legs, she moved back and cocked her head. A wide opened eye stared at me.

The bubbly aura darkened as the pebble floated high in the air. “You asked what Wendigos are.” My lip slid back into a grin. “They’re ancient, flying, magical creatures. In appearance resembling dragons, but are of a different breed. They employ clouds for elevation and can, utilizing hatred as a catalyst, induce magic storms to consume heat energy from the affected areas. They are the Enders of conflict.”

I felt myself slip back into my seat. Everypony looked at me, mouths agape. Except for Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon. They glared at me while clenching their teeth together. Silence engulfed the classroom.

“Well…” Cheerilee exhaled. “That is both the question I asked and the correct answer. At least the first part. I'd have to brush up some more on mystical Wendigos myself to confirm the second part, though. How did you learn all this, Sweetie Belle?” She smiled at me.

A voice boomed in my mind, So this is what you strive for, tutor? All desires are merely doors for exploitation. I can fulfil more of your wants, for a price! “I sometimes bring books to the classroom and read them in secret, so that I can learn even more about the things you are teaching.” I didn’t remember reading any book on Wendigos, though. The only mention of them I recalled was from a school play about Hearth's Warming Eve.

“There's no need for you to hide your thirst for knowledge, Sweetie Belle. As long as you're paying attention in the class, you can check your books openly. In fact, I encourage all of you”—she looked around the classroom—“to further your knowledge on your own accord when you hear a subject that spikes your interest.”

She looked back at me. “Your magic usage, however, could present a distraction for somepony.”

How about you allow me to do that as well! I floated the pebble closer and caressed it with a hoof. I looked up at Cheerilee with my big eyes. “But this is the only thing that keeps me focused. Without it, my mind would just drift away, and I wouldn't be able to follow all your teachings, let alone build upon them.”

“Um, okay then…” She turned around and slammed a hoof against Silver Spoon's desk to break her conversation with Diamond Tiara, then continued her way to the lectern.