//------------------------------// // Chapter 2: Forsaken // Story: Failing Firmaments // by MidKnight Erratum //------------------------------// Forsaken Twilight found herself staring at a meaningless sunflower for far too long. Her mind muddled with fleeting thoughts. Everything was meaningless now, yet her mind sought an organized purpose. An anchor for her absent conscious to grasp, and drag herself back to reality. Yet Twilight couldn't find such a prospect. She stood shell-shocked as time passed, ignoring her in it's onward march. Forsaken by the vision she had once held dear. For all her life chasing her studies, the constant rush of things to accomplish. Now she had to deal with the time she had lost. With nothing to show for the years spent in a dream, now forced to the realization that her life was a neglected nightmare. Now everything she, Twilight Sparkle, had ever aspired for was meaningless. The awakening from her dream had come in a haunting flare from the beautiful sun shining through the cracks of unfulfilled emptiness. Casting the light of truth on the dreamy darkness of deceit. Lies she had pursued for so long, believing she could be the difference in the world. A catalyst of good to bring forth the forbidden beauty, she had witnessed. And now the chain reaction could not be undone. Twilight's paradigm forever shifted beyond repair. For she had seen the truth, for a splitting moment that fractured the firmaments forever. And now all that remained was a numbing misery. Meaningless. Forsakenness. I don't care anymore. The thought was a whisper, a desperate plea to help lighten the world's weight, as it rested on her shoulders. It was unlike her, she had to care. Because it… her studies HAD to matter. She needed to stay vigilant to working on her assignments. You're never going to get another assignment, you already failed. The demons laughed, as Twilight mentally grasped for straws, or whatever she could to try and keep the small ember of hope from dying. With it's death it would shatter her, trapped forever in a frigid endless escape from which she feared she would be lost forever. Forsaken in an endless death of... Soul? Passion?... It didn't matter. Hesitantly Twilight let her mind explore the possibility of moving on, forgetting her studies and allowing herself to be forgotten as well. The possibility of ignoring the burden of failure, for blissful naivety. And allow nothing to matter anymore. But it did matter, because of her Celestia had been forced to… Celestia had been forced to use the elements against the Nightmare, that had now seeped into her own life. Haunting her with it's unfailing reminder of her eternal sin. Celestia had petrified her own sister in stone to save Equestria; because she, Twilight Sparkle, had been a fool. It was all Her fault. She was the one to blame. “I'm sorry…” Twilight uttered, barely speaking as tears threatened to burst. Almost spewing forth in jumbled streams of sobs and fitful breaths, but Twilight managed to keep her anguish held within. Staring more intently at that Celestia damned sunflower. Twilight suddenly didn't want to be outside the library anymore. She didn't want to be around anypony. She felt surrounded by cheerful ponies all around, but alone in her wallowing sadness. Twilight adjusted her sweater and scarf in the sun's blistering heat, and turned abruptly from the hideous flower. As she made her way back towards the solitude of the library’s solitary confinement. The long walk back was exhausting, menial and strenuous. As Twilight avoided the gaze of the townsfolk, as she trod through the miserably sunny streets of Ponyville. She could feel the rumors growing like a cancerous tumor, as she marched in defeat to the steps of the old town's library. She threw the door carelessly closed behind her, as she returned to find the library vacant as when she’d left it. The air filled with a frigid silence that echoed through the shelves. Twilight tried to avoid disturbing the stillness, as she tread lightly to her room. All her energy once more deserting her like the perfidy befitting her shortcomings. Twilight didn’t bother taking off her sweater, instead opting to collapse onto the bed, and lay there for a long while. Letting her mind rest empty, as she drifted through the passing time’s dreamless state. Her ears perked at the sound of the front door opening. Followed by faint two legged footfalls of a particularly familiar purple scaled dragon. His voice catching the echo a moment later, as he called out to her. “H-hey, Twilight?...” He sounded concerned, and it made Twilight’s skin crawl. She was being weak. “What is it Spike?” She answered, not bothering to roll over to face him. There was a moment of hesitation, a question left unspoken. As Spike thought better on disturbing her. Eventually mumbling something to himself, as he left the room. Twilight didn’t care. She listened to him walk away, only because there was nothing else that interested her. The sensation of boredom crept into her aching muscles. Perching it’s heavy weight upon her shoulders, as she sighed with the burden. It’s hunger insatiable, as she lay hungry for something to occupy the time that marched on without her. Twilight’s stomach churned and she glanced at the clock, noting it was barely noon. She decided to snail her way out of bed, to look for something to fill the empty hunger inside her. She strode timelessly down the stairs, taking every moment possible as she wasn’t in any hurry to check off lunch today. She didn’t even care for keeping track of a checklist at present. She reached the lower floor, and walked past Spike who had busied himself finishing what she hadn’t. Methodically reorganizing book after forsaken book. Another reminder of how useless she truly was. She entered the kitchen, and rummaged through the fridge. Staring at the box of cupcakes, considering how much of a healthy lunch they would actually be. Against better judgement, she levitated the box to the small table, as she also took out an old daisy sandwich, along with several apples. The hunger forcing her to take a larger portion of food from the fridge than she normally would have. Not all her hunger came from her disregard of breakfast. Yet it felt good to be eating. To be doing something. To have some form of company, besides her boredom. Even if gluttony wasn’t the most delightful of guests. Do you really deserve to eat so much? Her inner demons mocked, as Twilight bit into the juicy apple. It's crisp sweetness a bitter reward for her mind. As she hesitated to take another bite of the apple. How could she be allowed a small bit of joy, when she was a living abomination? A failure, unworthy of such trivial things. You're a pig, sitting here eating when you don't even deserve to live. The sudden harsh thought made Twilight pause. She needed food, and it seemed to make her feel better about her current situation. But the pit growing inside her with every bite was a poison to her detriment. The sadness was growing, just as much as the joy she was trying to reclaim. The pain made it clear it would be larger than any relief she could hope to find. Fine, go ahead and eat. Eat until you die. The voice chided, as Twilight reluctantly devoured the rest of her lunch, and felt her famished belly swell. The cupcakes, with their sultry icing, were the perfect garnish to such a horrid meal of greed. Finished, Twilight left the table, and began the long trek back to her bedroom. Her hunger now replaced by a nauseating satisfaction that beckoned her to sleep. A request of which, she had no reluctance in complying with. However, Spike interrupted her ideas of such relief. “Twilight?” “What? Spike!” Twilight whirled on him glaring maliciously. Putting extra care to line her words with sharp anger that cut like razors. “You have a letter…” Spike said, hesitantly. Flinching in anticipation of pain, before continuing. “From; Princess Celestia.” It took some time for Twilight to realize what Spike had said. Her grumbling demeanor melting with fear. Like inky dark tendrils in the back of her mind, enveloping her thoughts and chilling her to the bone thoroughly. “What does it say?” Twilight inquired halfheartedly, and she saw a bit of curious surprise in Spike's gaze. As he sheepishly opened his gaze. Clearly he had expected a more aggressive outburst, but Twilight was fighting the urge to upend her stomach's contents onto the wooden floor. Her mind swimming with sickness at what the piece of neatly rolled parchment may contain. “I don't know. I haven’t opened it yet…” “Why not? Where is it?” She asked in a skittish anxiousness. Shivering with anticipation and dread. “Here,” Spike answered, producing the letter in his purple claws, and Twilight enveloped it in her telekinesis. Nervously continuing to her room. Now in an energetic anxiety of her great fear coming to fruition. Twilight closed the door to her room behind her, as she began to pace. The rhythmic stride of her hoof clops across the grainy wood the only sound to the companionship of Twilight’s inner demons. Twilight sat on her bed. Looking around the room, eyes lingering on anything, except the letter. She couldn’t open it. For all the time she had spent in the day, she could not bring herself to open the letter. She trembled with fear of what it might hold. The very prospect of receiving a repudiation letter, from Princess Celestia herself, was too much to bear. It would douse the weak flame of her last hope, and bring the fragile fragments of her life crashing to the ground. A final nail in the coffin Twilight had made for herself. She could feel the void opening before her, and all she needed was a push. She could feel the noose tightening with every passing moment. The urgency to reply to her princess, to be devout. To be faithful once more. Conflicting with the repulse of being rejected by the goddess she worshiped. Twilight couldn’t open the Letter. She WOULDN’T open the letter. Twilight affixed her determination in such, that if the Princess was going to banish her. Then She would have to look into Twilight’s steeled gaze. And see… What would Celestia see in her vision?... A forsaken plea for mercy? A betrayal of Twilight’s weakness? An immovable hatred? Steadfast stubbornness? Defiance? A cry for repentance? Guilty acceptance?... It didn’t matter, all Twilight desired was a last glimpse of enlightening truth to her darkening reality. She wanted to see Princess Celestia face to face, one last time. Before her nightmare would consume her. Was it so hard to ask? For a last visitation of the Sun’s deliverance, before being damned to an endless fate of misery, befitting her treachery. But what did Twilight want to see in Celestia’s eyes? An eternal sadness? The pain of losing another forsaken soul? Bitter resentment to ignite the flames of detestation? A righteous vengeance? Retribution? A tear shed, like the one before princess Celestia had been forced to banish Luna to a timeless prison of petrified stone?… Twilight felt her rock exterior crumbling away at the thought. The darkness would soon feast upon her sanity soon enough. Except it would leave Twilight a wandering husk, ever searching for the Dawn’s glorious burning flame. Twilight discarded the unopened letter in a wastebasket. Knowing full well, that Celestia would not be pleased. But she’d just have to slather that punishment atop the rest when the Princess delivered Twilight’s conviction in pony. Having finally decided on disposing of the forsaken letter. A last act of defiant freedom Twilight had claimed for herself, against the rapidly deteriorating influence of her own free will. Twilight collapsed exhausted, onto her bed. Enveloping herself in her own warmth as she decided to take a nap. Not sleeping the entire night after Nightmare Moon’s defeat, aided Twilight as she surrendered to her weakness. Allowing the world to fade into its forsaken meaningless facade, and allowing her mind the solace it so desperately craved. And dreamed of a better world in which she, Twilight Sparkle, didn't belong.