//------------------------------// // It Gets Much, Much Worse // Story: Wedding Bell Blues // by Darth Link 22 //------------------------------// Twilight and Shining Armor managed to hop the first train out of Canterlot, disguised as common travelers. They were both hoping that Celestia wouldn’t notice them missing until it was too late. “We’re committing treason here,” Twilight said. “We’re committing treason against a kingdom that’s willing to tie us down to two crazy creatures. I think we’ll be vindicated in the history books.” Twilight sighed, pushing her sunglasses up and trying to disappear into her trench coat. “Where can we go to?” “I heard Zebrica is nice this time of year... we don’t have to hide for long, I’m sure once everything has calmed down, Celestia can get us out of this.” Twilight didn’t look so sure, and tried her best to make herself as invisible as possible without actually casting a spell. Eventually, they found their way into an empty car and sat down. There  was remarkably little travel going on, given that they were leaving a city in turmoil, so the car was vacant. As they took their seats, Shining Armor poked his head out from under the huge hat he was hiding under. “I wouldn’t worry, there’s so much going on, I don’t think we’ll be missed until it’s too late.” The car lurched and began to move. “See? We’re already on the way. We’ll get off at Ponyville, go through Everfree, and we’re home free.” “I hope you’re right,” Twilight said. They sat in silence for a moment. Now that the horrifying events were in the background, the reality that this was the first time that they had talked since the traumatizing event in the reception hall. “Twilight... I don’t think I ever gave you a proper apology,” Shining Armor said. “You don’t need to apologize. You were brainwashed... weren’t you?” “...You know, maybe I was,” he said quickly. “I’m not entirely clear how the brainwashing works, maybe...” “No, no, I was brainwashed,” he said quickly. “I’m still really sorry about everything, now let’s never discuss this again.” “Yeah, I guess it’s not really much of a problem. I’ve forgiven worse... I think. I’m pretty sure I would...” At that point, there was a sudden thud, and Twilight and Shining Armor were thrown off their seats. As she rubbed her head, a terrifying wave of realization dawned over Twilight. That lurch wasn’t because the car had stopped, it had been because it had been dropped. The doors to the car came open, and a squad of Pegasus guards entered. “Sorry, Captain Armor, we have orders not to let you leave.” Celestia was surprised when she indeed found Discord slumped over a desk, looking over what appeared to be a big thick law book. “...Discord?” “Oh, hey Celestia,” the Spirit of Chaos said. He didn’t look up from the law book. “...Why are you looking through Equestria’s old law books?” “Thought I could cut out some of the unnecessary ones... things that have no relevance anymore... and some of these need to be updated...” “Okay, let me rephrase that: why are you helping us? Why are you doing everything so... orderly?” “Because there’s no need for me,” the Spirit said sadly. “I prided myself on causing chaos all over Equestria, and when I get back out I find out that the entire city of Canterlot drove itself into chaos entirely on its own. I mean, look at you: letting a terrorist free just because she promised to be nice, forcing a completely loyal, if incompetent, soldier to marry her for political gain, forcing your student to marry a sexual deviant for political gain, after completely traumatizing her... you’ve done more damage than I ever could.” “...Gee, thanks, Discord,” Celestia said, her voice dripping with anger. “You’re welcome. But what’s my motivation? If the entire kingdom can crumble without me, what’s the point?” “Well, cheer up. I’m sure there’s a lot more chaos you could be spreading...” Suddenly it occurred to Celestia what she was doing. “Actually, probably not. Say, have you ever taken the time to have a chat with Fluttershy? I think she could help you find a new path in life.” Discord scoffed, waving his taloned hand. “Please, and bore me with that friendship talk?” “What do you have to lose at this point?” Discord thought about that a while. “I suppose you’re right. So where is Fluttershy?” “I think she’s in Luna’s room... come to think of it, I haven’t seen Luna since the wedding. She better not be blowing off her royal duties to play video games again.” Discord blinked. “Video games?” “Oh yes, you were a statue when they were invented. They are electronic games you play on a television.” Discord tilted his head. “Television?” Twilight whined, desperately trying to pull the cap on her horn off as the three chambermaids held her down and forced her into her wedding dress. “You know, you’re not making this go any faster,” one of them said. “Good,” she said. She continued to thrash and try to escape, but it was of little use. Without her magic, she was helpless. “Come on, it’s not that bad. Cadance is a lovely mare.” “But I’m not into mares!” Twilight said. All three chambermaids stopped and looked at her. “What?” “I’m into stallions. And only stallions.” “...I don’t understand.” “Nopony does!” Twilight yelled as she went back to thrashing. The three mares went back to trying to wrestle her into her wedding outfit. “Come on now, it won’t be so bad,” one of the chambermaids assured her. “Think of all the doors that being married to a princess could open for you.” “I’m already the personal apprentice to an immortal princess who loves me like a daughter, the savior of another royal princess, and the leader of the bearers of the most powerful artifacts ever seen in Equestrian history. What doors could this marriage possibly open for me?” “Huh. Good point. Well, I guess you’re screwed.” “This wasn’t an argument I wanted to win!” she wailed. Shining Armor was pacing in his own room. There was no need to put a seal on his horn, his magic wasn’t nearly as powerful as his sister’s, and Chrysalis was as good as any watchdog. “Why me? What did I do to deserve this? ...Oh yeah,” he said. There was a knock on the door. “Shiny? Your Queen wants to talk to you!” Shining Armor nearly jumped out of his skin. She made a move for his suite’s bathroom door. Before he could reach it, Chrysalis managed to force her way in. The door hit the wall with a loud bang as she entered. Shining Armor froze in place, temporarily too scared to make a move. Chrysalis came forward. “I know we aren’t supposed to see each other before the wedding, but I couldn't stay away. How about we have a little fun? “Chrysalis... really, I don’t...” “Still lovesick over Cadance? Oh, don’t worry,” Chrysalis said as she lit up her horn. She was bathed in green flames, and when they subsided Cadance was standing in her place. “Of course, she’s not the absolute epitome of beauty according to you ponies, is she? That’s still no problem.” With another wave of green flames, Princess Celestia was now present. “Or do you prefer the other princess?” And the flames came again, turning her into Princess Luna. At this point, Shining Armor finally freaked out and ran into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. “Shiny? Come on, I can transform into literally anypony! I could be your literal dream girl!” Shining cowered behind the doorway, shaking in fear. “When is she going to learn that I don’t want someone who can make my every sexual desire come true!” ... ... ... ... “What am I doing?” Shining Armor opened the door to a very pleased looking Chrysalis. “Uh... can I see the Cadance form again?” Discord sighed. “This is boring!” Luna looked at him. His controller was hanging in his… hands, for lack of a better descriptor. “Why? I thought you’d like that one. You get to beat up innocents, run them over, rob banks...” “Yeah, but that’s all in pursuit of a goal! Who wants something like that! They call this random insanity, but it’s not random at all!” “Hmm... maybe WarioWare would be good for you...” Shining Armor walked out of the bedroom, feeling better than he had in a long time. His fiancee, Chrysalis, strolled right beside him, looking equally satisfied. “You know, maybe this won’t be so bad,” Shining Armor said. “I thought you might start to approve. Now that we’re on better terms, I think the next step is to meet my parents.” Shining nearly stopped at that. It was hard to picture Chrysalis as even having parents. “Are they coming to the wedding?” “Well, my mother is,” Chrysalis said. “My father isn’t around anymore.” “Oh. That’s sad. How’d he die?” “From the post-impregnation ritual.” Shining Armor stopped dead in his tracks at that. “The what now!” “Oh, it’s the most romantic part of the relationship! You see, after you impregnate me with a child, I bite your head off and eat it so the nutrients will make the baby strong! You give your life for your child, and you’ll make sure time doesn’t spoil our perfect love!” “...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!”