//------------------------------// // Introduction to Chaos! // Story: Apprentice of Chaos // by Wing Dancer //------------------------------// „Oh now, don’t be like that! You can’t ignore me forever~” sing-sang Discord, floating around Lazy Afternoon. The colt was at his wit’s end as it was and his eye developed an unhealthy twitch. The most disturbing thing was that nopony else seemed to have noticed the master of Chaos lazily swimming in mid-air, kicking his feet in the air to keep up with the rather fast pace Afternoon picked up. Was he going crazy? Was he so stressed out yesterday he’s imagining things? Did that bolt of lightning coming from from Celestia knew where damage his brain? “Comeeee ooooon, taaaaalk to meeee~” * * * Ponyville hospital was a rather busy place at the moment – given the time of the year, it was quite odd. Nurses and doctors ran around, checking up on patients, talking to families or writing something down in some papers. One of the medical ponies noticed Lazy Afternoon shuffling near the entrance, glancing left and right. The colt was clearly distressed, so the mare approached him with a friendly smile. “Hello there! Is everything alright?” The stallion jumped slightly, only now noticing the nurse. He stuttered for a second before clearing his throat. “I uhm… I came to run some tests. I think there’s something wrong with my… Uh… Head…” “Head trauma? Where does it hurt? Are you having nausea or have trouble keeping balance?” “Umm… No… I, uh…” Lazy Afternoon pecked the ground with his hoof. “I… See things and hear… Voices…” “Oh, so there is somepony else here too? Oh, what a terrible host you are, pony! Why didn’t you introduce me?” Discord floated around the surprised mare, making funny faces behind her back and pretending to mess with her mane. He couldn’t really touch her and Afternoon noticed that his hands simply sunk into her body. “Voices?” repeated the nurse, rubbing her chin. “That sounds serious… When did you start hearing these voices?” she asked, beckoning the colt to follow her to the reception. “Yesterday… Umm, that thing, Discord, it assaulted me. With lightning. It hurt.” “Oh my!” gasped the pony, filling out a paper with a levitated quill. “That really sounds bad! Most of our patients today came with problems that started after that awful spirit appeared in town. Broken ankles, hypothermia, sore throats or colds; why, one would think a disaster hit Ponyville!” “It kind of did, too!” finished the mare, opening a door for Lazy Afternoon. Inside was a pony wearing a white coat, bent over some files. “Doctor? Could you spare a moment? This patient seems to have suffered some kind of head trauma. He says lighting hit him.” “Lightning, dancing buffalo, stampeding mutated bunnies… Ugh, the mess that abomination from yesterday left behind is just outrageous!” “Well, look who’s talking, Mr. I-have-a-nest-on-my-head. I at least don’t blind ponies when they look at the back of my head. Nyyyyy!” Discord proceeded to make funny faces at the oblivious doctor. The colt motioned Lazy to lie down, which the he gladly did. The pony then proceeded to check the stallion’s head, massaging it and humming to himself. “There doesn’t seem to be any bone damage. Does it hurt anywhere? ” “No. I just hear… Voices. And see things.” “C’mon, turn him into a frog. Mares love frogs.” Chuckled Discord, mimicking a large toad. Lazy Afternoon shook his head. “Voices? Are you hearing them right now? What are they saying?” “Tell him! Tell him… Oh, oh I know! Tell him that Lord Smooze is coming, that the end is nigh! That his toad-face shall explode into a thousand suns, giving birth to the uber-pony who shall rule Equestria till next Friday! Go ahead, tell him!” “It’s all… Nonsense. Please, doctor, I really need help.” Lazy was shaking hard now, trying to ignore the Spirit who was noticeably disappointed. “Of aaaaall the ponies in Equestria, why is it the least funny one? What the buck, Chaos?” “Hmm… I understand. Is it a sort of murmuring, or a voice that says audible words?” “Words. I can hear words.” “And the images?” “Can see them as clear as day, doctor.” Discord was now on top of the doctor, pretending to ride him. He pulled out an oversized cowpony hat from Celestia knows where and was making all kinds of wild cheers. “Hmm… But what exactly do you see?” “Jam. Tell him you see winged jam! C’mon!” “I see… I see that Spirit. Discord.” “Did Discord do this to you? The lightning I mean.” “Yes, doctor.” The medical pony nodded his head, smiling gently and patting Lazy on the back. “I understand. It must have been a traumatic experience, surely. I wouldn’t be surprised if you had a sort of paranoia right now. We’ll prescribe you some drugs and see if the images and voices go away. We’ll need to keep an eye on you, so I would appreciate it if you packed some essentials and came back to the hospital by the end of the day. Leave your address and name at the reception, okay?” The doctor smiled and showed his patient to the door. “Don’t worry, everything will be okay! Next!” * * * Lazy was moving along slowly, still trying to ignore the Spirit buzzing around his head like a stubborn fly. “There is nothing wrong with you, you know,” stated Discord, admiring his eagle talon. “No. There is something very wrong with me. But you’ll be gone soon. The doctor will heal me. And then, when it’s over, I’ll take a nap. And you know what? You won’t be there!” the colt chuckled to himself, causing a few worried heads to turn in his direction. “I truly doubt that, pony. If you recall, you have been blessed with the power of Chaos. It’s not a condition one just recovers from. It isn’t a condition at all! Chaos isn’t a state you are in. It is an entity, a being if you will, one that has its own… Well, let’s call it mind.” “I’m not listeniiiing~” sing-sang Lazy, picking up the pace. Get to his home, pack a tooth-brush, some clothes, his blanket, then to the hospital. As soon as possible. “Oh, but I don’t think you have a choice, my apprentice! You see, I might be defeated and cast into cold, cold stone by those heartless Elements of Harmony… But part of my power, nay, part of my being is now within you. I may be downed, but I shall never be defeated! Buahhaahhah~haaaa.” Afternoon was now running, trying to lose Discord who now apparently was travelling on a small sailboat. “Look at me, now at yourself, now back to me. Sadly, you are not me.” The draconequus picked up a bottle of some shampoo that had his face on it. “However, if you use this New Spice spray, you can at least smell as divine as me. Hah, I kid, nopony can smell as great as me. You can still try though! Each and every one of your desires is just a snap of the fingers away!” “Oh yeah? Then I wish you’d disappear!” yelled Lazy Afternoon, trotting through the center of Ponyville, causing a stir in the community. “So be it! Just snap your fingers and I’m gone!” Lazy stopped and finally looked Discord straight in the face, deadpan. “I don’t have fingers.” The Spirit looked at the colt’s four hooves, smiled and then started rolling in mid-air with laughter. “That-That’s a good one! I really dig your sense of humor Chaos! Good one! Bravo! I daresay Bravo! Encore! Encore!” “What’s so funny you freak?” hissed Lazy, lowering his head as the ponies around him begun to whisper about. “Aha-Aha-Ahahaha~haaa…” The fit of laughter stopped as suddenly as it begun and Discord was now standing upright, again summoning a bunch of trinkets out of nowhere. This time, it was a scholar’s robe and hat, complete with a monocle and big, heavy tome under his lion’s paw. “For starters, I am not a freak, and you will address me as Discord-sensei. I, am a draconequus,” said the Spirit, opening the book to show a picture of himself in something that was probably a magnificent pose. The text around the image was written in some kind of strange font and language that seemed to be twisting and shifting, sending Lazy’s head into a spin. “Now that we have that out of the way, let me tell you a few things about Chaos” The book closed shut violently, snapping Afternoon out of the trance he was in. “Chaos. Chaos everywhere.” Discord enfolded most of Lazy’s body with his lion’s paw, his other hand motioning to the view in front of the pony’s muzzle. “It is not a single thing. It does not have shape, substance, consistency – you can’t measure Chaos, you can’t cause it or summon it. It is and isn’t, it exists and is nowhere to be found. It even isn’t an it! She prefers to be called a Lady.” “Why am I even listening to you,” murmured Lazy, finally resuming his trip home. Discord floated alongside the colt, continuing his lecture regardless. “You see, what I did back there wasn’t what you think it was. I didn’t zap you. It was Chaos saying ‘Hello! How are you!’ She is the real prank master, not me. You can’t simply wield the power of Chaos – she chooses to let you call her and sometimes does what you want. I like her ideas very much, she is such an artist! I say blue, she makes things green with magenta polka dots! I want a square, she gives me a smiley face! The thing we both agree on, though, is…” The Spirit snapped his fingers, materializing a glass with some brown liquid inside. “… That chocolate milk is the Bauss.” “Bleh, I hate chocolate milk,” snapped Lazy. To his surprise, Discord stopped dead in his tracks and let go of the glass. The liquid spattered on the floor and the container flew sky high, giving a last gleam in the sunlight before vanishing from view. “You… You don’t… Chocolate Milk?! Infidell! I KILL YOU!” The colt’s eyes shrunk and he darted away, the Spiprit of Chaos hot on his heels, yelling some inaudible curses at the fleeing pony. The chase lasted up until Lazy was too tired to run anymore, falling over at his own doorstep. Discord was flailing above him, making all sorts of choking motions around his neck and pretending to slice him with an invisible sword. All of it was harmless of course. “Why?! Why in the world would you select and equine that didn’t like chocolate milk? For what sins? Oh, wait, don’t answer that question, khem.” Afternoon was beat. Tired, scared and beat. The Spirit was literary draining his sanity, a resource that was almost depleted by now. Without delay, the colt started packing, looking for a suitable suitcase to store his stuff in. “Ah, what the hay, maybe that is the point? Not only are you being introduced to Chaos, but maybe we’ll be able to convert another lost soul to the only chocolate true way?” “Lalilalalaaaa, I’m gonna get stoooooned with druuuugs, no more vooooices, no more teeeeears~” sang Lazy Afternoon, blocking out the Spirit who rambled something about the pros of chocolate milk over any other beverage. “Haha, I can see you’re finally getting into the spirit of things! Insanity is but only one of the faces Chaos treasures so much!” “I’m not doing anything, okay?!” snapped the colt, his eye twitching like mad now. “I just want you gone! If this Chaos is so mighty, why can’t I use it to get rid of you?!” “Oh, you weren’t paying attention~” intoned Discord, smiling widely. “Chaos is not a thing. She is a Lady, and wants to be treated like one. But she does have an affinity for certain noises. Like a finger snap. Oh, she likes that sound. It took me a while to find a suitable sound to draw her attention from the plethora of things she has to manage! I tried many things – tambourines, armpit farts, high-pitched squeals – yep, done ‘em all. Finger snapping worked perfectly for me.” “Well, I don’t have fingers, you can see that, can’t you?!” Lazy waved a hoof at Discord, who chuckled. “Yes, of course! You know, you could just snap your fingers and ask chaos for some fingers! Of course she would probably just elongate your legs or twist your joints the other way for feathers and giggles, but you’d be a bit closer to her nonetheless!” “I. Don’t. Have. Fingers.” “Well then ,we’ll just have to look for another sound to lure the Lady’s attention to your meager self! How about clapping your hind hooves?” “What? How am I supposed to… How does that even make sense!?” “It doesn’t! That’s the whole point, silly-dilly! Unexpected events, unforeseen outcomes, it is all that Chaos is about! ” “Ugh… No, I won’t! You’re just a sick part of my mind begging for attention. No, I won’t listen to your stupid requests. You’ll be gone by tomorrow, and I’ll be able to finally rest from your constant jabbering!” “Suit yourself. I have all the time in the world. Stone isn’t maybe the most comfortable of places to be, but it does have a way of lasting forever, you know. You will listen to my words, I can guarantee you that much. Soon.” Lazy finished packing his bag and exited his home, closing the door and cutting off the disturbing laughter of Discord. * * * “Hi there, Lazy Afternoon! How are we feeling today?” The colt was wearing a hospital overall and lying in a simple bed. His personal blanket was put over the light green one the nurses gave to him. Lazy looked quite happy, all things considered. “I feel wonderful, doctor.” “That’s good to hear! Any voices or images haunting you?” “No, doctor, nothing. Its peace and quiet. No tirades about chocolate milk, no stupid dragons floating about…” “Splendid! The medication is working then. We’ll keep you here for some time, in case the symptoms resurface. I’ll come back later this afternoon to give you your next dosage.” “Thank you, doctor. I mean it. What you did to me is… Thank you.” The doctor smiled, holding his chin up in pride. Another satisfied patient, and yet another casualty of the horrible Spirit on its way to full recovery. The medical pony closed the doors behind him, leaving Lazy in a sedated state of bliss and happiness. Whatever the doc gave him, it was wonderful. The sun was shining, a gentle breeze cooled his skin, not a sound was made… Bliss, just bliss. To his left he had some biscuits and milk, which he nibbled on from time to time. He turned towards the glass, meaning to pick it up; instead, he stared at it, his brain too slow to catch up to the sight before him. The glass was dirty. No. The liquid inside was dirty. It wasn’t it either. The milk… It was brown… Was it… Chocolate… Suddenly, the world went dark as two hands reached from behind to cover Lazy’s eyes. “Guess who?” NNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO