1/9/2019
1:15 AM
I'm tired. I am so very tired. I've been working hard on a new series of books, I don't know why I havent't been taking care of myself. I've been doing research, taking notes, attempting to write a chapter, hating it, and starting over. I haven't been able to rest in a little over a few weeks now. I'm not in good shape. I hurt all over and my rear end is sick of sitting for so long.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we continue to work our way through each day. wallowing in self-pity, anger, pain, and sadness? There are more bad emotions than bad ones. Think about it. Anger, sadness, jealousy, fear. In contrast, you have happiness. How is that a fair fight?
It's not. It's not fair. The world isn't fair. The world decides whether or not you're worth it's time and then chucks you fast one. It tells you to get up and try and again before giving you a beat down because you weren't good enough. The world hates you, the world hates us. the world hates everything...
and we hate ourselves.
Yes, much as you don't want to admit it, we hate ourselves. This hatred is a burning feeling that we've felt for our entire lives. How do we do this? We compare ourselves to greater beings, we jokingly reprimand ourselves and call ourselves names in for the purpose of comedy.
But we love ourselves too. When we help others we feel a warm beating in our chest. When we make others laugh, we want to laugh with them. Sometime when we compare ourselves to other things, we realized how much better we are or how much better we can be.
Hate and love don't go hand in hand. They are an endless battle. Continuously trying to gain possession of your soul. We fight till we die. Then we can rest. Until then. We are nothing but our selves. That's not good enough...
it's better.
1/17/2019
12:21 AM
I've been spending a long time in Equestria, the land of ponies, where singing songs is a daily occurrence. I've moved into a small village in a forrest next to Galloping Gorge, a short distance from Vanhoover. First time arriving here, I found it a little strange. Most ponies are surprised to see a Griffon in pony towns. I've gotten tons of looks over the years.
Here? Nothing. I got some waves, a few smiles, and possibly a sidelong glance. But surprise or shock was the last thing on any of their faces. Turns out, the village privately excluded itself from Equestria. I'm basically living in a different country.
The reason they did this only became clear after I went to the library to get some quiet time. The librarian...was a changeling. Yes, you heard me. The librarian was a changeling. That's the half of it though. He also wasn't colorful like many of the other changelings that were being slowly accepted, but it turns out he and other changelings had been living in this village for years, long before Chrysalis' little invasion.
That little inquisitive side of me may have taken over because I started throwing questions as the poor guy. Didn't mean to...just...I had a lot of information I wanted to know. After all, it's not everyday that you find a village, separated from Equestria, coexisting with a different species.
The changeling librarian went by the name Cicada. He wore a pair of comically large glasses, and a light blue thermal. He's in his eighties (which happens to be young for changelings) and is the youngest of three siblings, a brother and sister. His brother, Trochanter, is the oldest, and happens to be the real reason as to the villages accepting nature. Apparently he was found just outside the village, half-dead, by one of the residents. Whoever the pony was, he took in the changeling and with the help of a unicorn who had been passing through town at the time, nursed him back to health.
Everything changed (pun not intended) after that. A few years afterwards, the invasion happened and Royal Guards were sent from Canterlot to take him in, but by the time they got there, the entire town was on Trochanter side, and refused to let him go. There was almost a full-scale battle, but such a terrible event was deterred by Trochanter, who gave himself up peacefully. Several secret hearings were heard, until the decision had been made: life in prison. The resident who had saved Trochanter organized the town, and seceded from Equestria. They made sure to do so in a private manner but proclaimed that Trochanter was a resident, and that Equestria keeping him prisoner without due reason. Needless to say, Trochanter was returned.
Rumor has it though that he made a deal with Celestia. He found a changeling who could be a representative for the new changeling empire. A changeling by the name of Thorax or something.
Cicada suggested that I go to meet Trochanter, and his pony friend. Deciding that I had nothing better to do, I took my leave, after getting directions of course. It was a long walk, but I'll admit it felt short. The smiles and waves I received were very inviting and pleasant. As I passed the bar, I saw a few fellow Griffons. I don't know why I was surprised. Some of them stopped me and invited me in for a drink. I kindly declined and went on my way, not before eyeing a few of the females.
What? I'm only mortal.
The house was at the very edge of town. It was two floored, thatch-roofed, and showed signs of having encountered fires. I got this from the remaining burn marks and scratches that adorned parts of it. One of the windows was boarded over. I chose not to question it for now.
I knocked and someone screamed. I heard some shouting, a few cluttering sounds, possibly an explosion, and...I think laughing? I was about to knock again when the door opened. There stood a changeling, covered in what smelled like cookie batter. He was sweating and smiling. I took notice that his eyes were each different colors, one blue and one green. I'd never heard of a changeling having heterochromia iridium, but I guess it makes sense. I didn't major in biology though.
"Yes?" he asked, "Is there something you need? We're kind of held up right now. Unless...Oh!" his face shifted into surprise and then happiness, "Please come in!" He grabbed my claw and brought me inside. I think I was just a little too surprised to say anything.
When I was indoors I took notice of the interior. It was simple a enough. The living area had a couch and a few chairs. That wasn't the strange part. What was weird was that some strange wooden contraption was in the living room. An earth pony walked out from behind it and started moving parts and tying certain parts together with rope. There was method to whatever he was doing, but I couldn't see it. The purpose for whatever he was building was completely unclear.
His attention was finally brought to me when Trochanter called his name, Tremor. He was brown coated and grey maned. His eyes were a bright burning red. His tale color reminded me of a foggy mist during the night. What I found awfully surprising was his lack of a cutie mark. Both of his flanks were bare.
I thought it best not to bring it up and instead just smiled and nodded. He didn't smile at me but he nodded back. Perhaps he was used to Trochanter bringing in strangers.
--
My question was eventually answered though. I hadn't noticed but apparently they were renting out an extra room on the top floor. I didn't plan on staying but after some thought, I realized I didn't actually have any ideas. I'd been passing through the village to get to Vanhoover. I was going to meet a cousin there before getting a hotel a room. This...might actually be a better arrangement. I'll have to go to Vanhoover to meet my cousin still, but now I had a place to stay, and the rent costs a whole lot less than a hotel.
Oh, and there's a zebra in the room across from mine I think.