After ordering Smolder to go find an inn or something to spend the night in and stop pointing out my thoughts, I finished my walk back to the Flare Garden. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, ponies are not good at naming things. We just aren’t. I mean, like what kind of egotistical moron names her house after her? And before any hypothetical dragons correct me, the Sundowner is completely different and also a delicious cocktail. The fact that I created it is completely coincidental.
“Ah, you came!” Sunny said, opening the door. She was wearing clothes. If I cared about fashion, I’d guess that the midnight-blue dress and star earrings actually complimented her green coat and pink mane pretty well.
“Obviously I came. This town doesn’t have a bar.”
“Well, do come in. I picked out an apple brandy. It was the best I could get on such short notice.”
“Sounds cool. Lead the way.” I said. Sunny proceeded to show me through her store, making insipid comments about her choice of material or cut of the dress or whatever. I smiled and nodded until we got to her living room. Two couches and an armchair sat around a fireplace. A few bookshelves held bad mystery novels and spy romances. Tacky art hung on the walls. There was a bottle and two champagne glasses on the coffee table.
“Do make yourself at home,” Sunny said, taking a seat on the couch, gesturing for me to join her.
“Aren’t you forgetting something?”
“What would that be?”
“The fire. It isn’t there.”
“Oh! I’m so sorry, are you cold? Should I get you a blanket?”
“Not really. But thanks for the chance to show off.” I said, preparing a Heat spell. The cyan ray hit the dry wood and it burst instantly into flames. I sat down after that, next to Sunny.
“That was quite impressive.” She said, reaching to pour the brandy.
“Again, wrong. You can’t pour brandy into that.”
“Why not, dearie? They’re rather nice glasses, don’t you think? The crystal really does make the firelight look quite marvelous.”
“Yeah, they look cool but that’s not how you drink it. I hate to say this, but there are actually rules here.”
She frowned, “I’m sorry, I’m quite new to this.”
“I guessed. It’s not really a problem, I mean it’ll still taste fine but it looks kind of trashy.”
“Go on.”
“I mean, that’s a major faux pas in Canterlot. They’d literally kick you out of some places for trying that.” I lied. Well, maybe they would at Zesty Gourmand’s restaurant, but the sort of places I went to generally served everything either by the bottle or in a rocks glass. Sunny shot out of the couch like I’d set it on fire and galloped into what was presumably her kitchen.
I sat back and levitated the bottle over to me. Bright Mac’s Genuine Applejack it said. The label showed a smiling Earth Pony standing next to a vaguely familiar filly, presumably his daughter. I had a sip. It was fine. Not the best I’ve ever had but far from the worst. It tasted like a combination of apples and transmission fluid. Don’t ask how I know what the latter tastes like. Cloudsdale gets wild during the winter.
Sunny returned shortly afterward, carrying a tray with two actually appropriate snifters and a platter of cheese and crackers.
“Great,” I said, taking the platter and carving myself half a block of brie. “I’m starving.”
“Oh, yes, I do suppose you haven’t found a restaurant yet, considering that you are new around town.”
“Not like I plan on staying.”
“I see, but you absolutely must try Chevelle Café before you leave. The chef there, Sour Sweet, is simply unbelievable in the kitchen.”
“I couldn’t believe her in the foyer either.”
“You met her?”
“That bitch tried to make me pay to get her carpets cleaned,” I said, eating another slice of cheese.
“I’m terribly sorry to hear that. Sour isn’t very good at first impressions. But how have you been finding the rest of the town, dearie?” Sunny asked, finally pouring me a drink.
“Pretty boring. Lemon’s cool but, honestly, the rest can go to Tartarus.”
Sunny’s smile dropped right off her face. That was not an improvement. Though I'm actually pretty surprised it could move, considering how much makeup she was coated in.
“Excluding you, obviously. You’re cool too.”
“Thank you. That means quite a bit coming from a Canterlot Unicorn and Luna’s personal student.”
“Sure thing. But I’m still leaving tomorrow, after your little party. I sort of blew off a date with Fleur de Lis to be here right now and she does not like to be kept waiting.”
“You know Fleur?” Sunny shouted.
“Know her? Yeah, you could say that. She and I know each other pretty well. Fancy Pants’ head almost exploded when he found out. It was in the papers for weeks. Or don’t you get those out here?”
“We certainly get the papers. I just didn’t make the connection between you and her.”
“What, you think that there’s like two Sunset Shimmers running around Canterlot?”
“Well, that world always just seemed so far away. I didn’t believe you’d actually come here, to Ponyville, to my store.”
“I’m here now, alright. And you fulfilled the end of the bargain so ask away.”
“What bargain? I don’t recall making any deals.”
“I said I’d tell you about Canterlot in exchange for a glass of something that’d get me drunk. And here we are, drinking Applejack and eating cheese and crackers. I repeat, ask away.”
“Oh, you were serious about that. Just give me a second then, I think I have a list somewhere.” Sunny said, rushing out of the room again.
Have I mentioned yet that I hate lists? Anyway, she turned over half her workshop looking for the damn piece of paper. It was kind of impressive to watch, actually. She moved pretty gracefully, and I guess choking down Sour’s food must do you some kind of good because she had a figure to kill for. Which, on an unrelated note, is how I got my own figure. Don’t worry though, Tirek totally had it coming. And she wasn’t exactly to shy where she moved her tail either, giving me quite a good view.
“I found it, Sunset!” Sunny said after a few minutes, dragging a notebook out from under a pile of cloth.
“Good for you. Where do we begin?”
“On the couch,” Sunny said, taking my hoof.
“Hey, hold on. Are you a filly-fooler?”
She blushed bright red and let go of me. Good. I don’t like being touched. I like touching. “Is that a problem?” She asked.
“Obviously not. It was a question.”
“I’m not. I just thought you might want to sit down since I’ve got a lot of questions.”
Sure, you did, Sunny. Sure. You just so happened to put on an expensive perfume and a cute dress and wave your flanks in the air because you’re enamored with my culture and you’re trying to be hospitable. And yeah, I still don’t care about fashion. I just know what Trop Cher smells like because it’s Fleur’s favorite and I bought her a bottle of it while she was still cheating on Fancy.
“Sure. I’ve still got a bottle of brandy to finish anyway.” I said, walking back to the living room, in-denial mare behind me.
“You’re seriously going to drink an entire bottle of Applejack in one sitting, dearie?”
“Hey, you’re welcome to join me.”
“Well, when in Canterlot…”
“Exactly. Cheers.” I said, refilling the glasses, levitating one over to Sunny and clinking them together. “Now, the questions.”
“Excellent. Question one: Tell me your entire life story, and don’t leave anything out.”
Funny. She wants to hear about all the times I woke up hangover on somebody else’s front lawn. Well, whatever gets your rocks off. I am so glad I learned the Headache Removal spell in my second year with Luna.
“I suppose you can skip those parts. Unless that’s some high-society tradition I haven’t heard of.”
“What?”
“You were thinking out loud, Sunset.”
So, Smolder was right. I do do that. Here I thought dragons could just read minds.
“Excuse me?”
“Never mind. And yeah, waking up in random places after a night of partying is totally Canterlot culture. I mean, this one time I went out clubbing with Shining Armor and he woke up naked in a palace fountain. He was so mad that I’d drawn a pair of balls on his forehead so his horn looked like a dick, I thought he was going to kill me…”
“... And that's why I gave up on this whole ambition shtick and focused on trying to drink every vintage of wine in the world. Turns out life as an aristocrat is way more fun with you can leave all the governing to your nutjob sister-in-law...”