Discord opens the door, and struts into the room as the bell rings around the entire school. The entire class stares at the oddly dressed man.
His brown t-shirt barely visible behind his coat. The coat is a long, and very battered looking affair. Fur once white, now grey, puffs near the collar and cuffs at the end of dirty yellow sleeves. It trails down to his battered green cargo shorts, with mismatched long socks covering up the rest of his leg. One sock is red, the other is brown. It comes to an end with his sandals, with many stings hanging off that it shows obvious repeated use. He smiles as he enters the room, his teeth being the cleanest thing about him. Shining white. His hair is a mess that looks like the fur in the jacket, and just as dirty. He obviously has colored contact lenses, as his eyes are a dirty yellow. His pupils themselves different sizes and red. To finish the look off is the short goatee that hangs off his chin.
He drops his plastic bag full of supplies on the desk, and turns to look at the class, “Hello there everybody! My name is Discord, feel free to add a Mister before that if you wish. I am your substitute teacher!”
Many kids start to murmur among themselves, and Discord’s smile drops a little bit. One kid finally speaks up, “Isn’t Doctor Turner supposed to be our teacher?”
Discord nods, “That you are right! But, sadly, the good Doctor shan’t be able to teach you.” He leans over his desk backwards, staring at the kid through his new upside-down perspective, “I’m afraid he came down with a terrible case of pushed-down-the-stairs-itis. He should be hospitalized for...” he raises his arm, moves his sleeve, and looks at a watch drawn in by crayon, “the rest of the year.”
One kid raises his hand from the back of the class. Discord stands back up, and turns to look at him. Nerd, that’s all that this kid looks like. The kid takes Discord looking at him to be the sign to speak, “You do know ‘itis’ means inflammation, right?”
Discord loses his smile completely as he stares at the kid with his best deadpan, “Oh my me, shut up. Please, for your own safety, never say something like that again. This isn’t CinemaSins, alright. You might think your clever for saying that, you might think you will get all the women with that one. Let me tell you, saying that line will get you nothing but bullying. And when you wonder what you did to be targeted by a bully, remember every time you said that to somebody. Word of advice right here, stop saying that.”
The entrie class turns to glare at him as he turns away, ashamed of his life choices.
Discord smiles once more, “Now, as I was saying before the nerd interrupted. I am your new teacher! Well, one of them anyway.” He pulls out a marker, and draws on the board. First, he draws a really crude piece of Swiss cheese shaped like a human, “You will also have three other teachers. Miss Chrysalis, who will come right after me.” He then draws a piece of gal shaped like a person, “Mister Sombra, who comes after her.” Then he finally draws a cane with a strange horse head at the top, “And Mister Tirek. After him, the cycle resets with me.” He turns and smiles at the students, “Any questions about anything?”
One student raises their hand, who’s skin is marshmallow white, and hair is purple, “Why are you wearing such garish clothing? Isn’t that against the Dress Code?”
“Dress code?” Discord says it out loud once more before falling over with laughter. After about a minute of laughter, and banging his gist on the desk, Discord picks himself up and wipes his eyes, “Oh, dear, you actually think there’s a dress code?”
The students all share confused looks before they look back at him.
He laughs once more, “Dress Code means people enforce it, my dear. They tell you how you ‘should’ dress, but they don’t enforce it. They aren’t rules, more... guidelines.” He motions his hand to the back of class, “I mean, if there was a dress code, Miss ‘wears leather jacket even though it’s ninety outside’ would’ve been caught a long time ago.”
Said student in the back growls back at Discord, “Do you even know who you’re talking too?”
Discord takes a long look at the person. Orange and yellow hair, orangish-yellow skin, and the leather jacket. He strokes his goatee, “Hmm, can’t say I have. Oh! Is this a guessing game!? I’m great at guessing games!” He points a finger out, “Bacon Hair! No, too simple. Bacon Pone! No, she wouldn’t know of them. Oh, Mustard Skin! No. Oh, oh, Mustard Bacon! That’s it, nailed it on the bacon looking head!”
She growls an answer back, “My name is Sunset Shimmer.”
Discord let’s the name phase past him, “You say that like it means something.”
She scoffs, “Yeah, I’ve only won the Fall Formal for the last few years.”
Discord shrugs, “Is that supposed to impress me?”
She glares at him, “Then why don’t you tell us what you’ve done, Discord.”
He smiles, “Well lets see. I have been given the award for best janitor in five different establishments over six years. I have been given about ninety awards for best janitor in this very school, one for each year. I was given the award for best coach for two hundred years. I am the proud owner of fifty victories in the Friendship Games back when I was a student. I was voted King of the Fall Formal ten times. I spend fifty years on run from the F.B.I without getting caught. I helped the F.B.I search for me for four years. I was the leader of the Russian Mafia for ninety, and the Italians for one hundred. I fought for the British Empire for about three hundred years. I was given award for best substitute teacher one hundred times. Then I had to suddenly quit and came back.”
She slightly smiles, “You expect to believe you have been alive for... hey, nerd, how much is that!?”
The nerd from before jumps in suprise, “One thousand!”
She nods, “Yeah. You expect us to believe you have been alive for one thousand years?”
He nods, “Yes. Without me, where’s the fun in the world!”
She leans back, “You don’t make any sense.”
He smiles, “Sense? Oh what fun is there in making sense, my dear? If fact, I think that’s what you shall all learn!”
He scambles around his grocery sack once again, until he pulls out another marker.
He draws a bunch of hieroglyphics that look slightly like the word ‘history’ and x’s it out. He smiles, and writes in big letters beneath it, “History is useless if you don’t know how to use it! So this class will now be Tactics!” He underlines ‘Tactics’ on the whiteboard , and turns to face the class, “Lesson One! This is what I do. Get used to it, for I am going to teach you the best tactic to defeat any enemy! Suprise!”