The Jerk
Chapter 9
Wait! Are you sure we can't work out some kind of deal? Said the voice in my head, with a panicked tone as I headed toward my predesignated exit.
"Nope. No one fucks with me. Nobody."
Please man? It was just a joke honestly.
"Buddy I am getting real tired of this conversation, now shut the fuck up, or I swear to god your death will be more painful than anything you have ever imagined."
Fine. He said and he finally shut up. Peace and quiet. My little refugee lizard was asleep in my right arm, and we were making good progress towards the exit. It was a rather peaceful walk, as opposed to almost everything else in my life. Nothing trying to shoot me, stab me, or bite my head off. Yup, just one long nice walk. Just walking...and walking. I stopped.
Something was off. Perhaps it was just my instincts acting up, you know telling me that something should have tried to kill me by now, but no. That wasn't it, but I couldn't place it. Something was seriously wrong with this place but I couldn't say what. It wasn't until about fifteen minutes later, when I arrived at the scene of my battle of dumbassery, that I realized, the dead bodies were missing. Every single dead changeling was missing. Even more disturbingly, was that there were a large amount of hoof tracks. The amount of which looked like a large group of the foul insects had come through earlier.
Dead insects. Said the voice that couldn't leave me alone for more than half an hour.
"Dude, I killed those motherfuckers. No way in hell could they be alive. Things weren't even that tough."
Yes, but who says that they couldn't come back?
"Didn't you hear me, I said they were dead. You can't bring back dead things." I said this, but for the first time in a while, even if I didn't want to admit it, I was, just the tiniest bit, uncertain about my words. I quickly did a thorough check of my remaining medical supplies. I had plenty of Med-X, I wasn't going to run out any time soon, plenty of psycho, but I was lacking in the one thing that I needed. Stimpacks. I only had about 15 left, and that wouldn't do.
I can't tell you how hard it was for me to swallow my pride to do this, but just know it was difficult.
"I need your help." I said under my breath.
Sorry what was that? He asked. He actually hadn't been paying attention, but he was for sure going to start mocking me.
"I said 'I need your help'." I replied with a dark look on my face.
Why should I help you? he said in a very serious tone. I thought that you were going to kill me?
"Because if I die here, I will brutally murder you from beyond the grave." I said ominously.
What happens if I do help you? You murder me conventionally?
"No, you get to live." He fell silent for a moment as he was contemplating my offer.
Deal. He said to me.
"Alright first things first, you tell me where the fuck all the dead bodies went."
Well, honestly I don't know. My head gave a barely noticeable twitch, but he took the hint.
Alright, alright. I don't know where they went, but I can tell you what happened.
"Please do."
For the past year or so when the changelings invaded Canterlot, I have been monitoring their progress, in everything they have been doing. This 'artificial love' they have been creating, while it works just fine and it satisfies their need for raw pony emotion, it has...more ominous long term effects.
"Explain. Now."
Such haste! Anyways, the 'love'...hmmm how to explain. While it affects a living changeling no differently than its proper effects, because it is a liquid, it affects most bodily nerves, and the formula results in them firing in junction, and rendering the creature living even if clinical death has resulted.
"What the hell does that mean?" I asked now checking every possible angle of approach around me. "Are they dead or alive?"
Clinically they are dead. However their nerve receptors are still firing in the brain, which results in full control of the body..
"So what, I can't kill them?"
Technically yes, but they will still be moving that's all.
"Any explanations on how this works?"
The artificial love is a living creature, a bacteria, that has been specially evolved and enhanced to provide every fiber of the changelings being with the ability to produce its own food. However these bacteria cannot make the body preform the functions it did while alive, such as eat, speak ect. They also cannot stop the process of natural decay. Their bodies will rot, and wither.
"So I am fighting a bunch of dead changelings that are being controlled by these bacteria?"
Yes.
"Well that's just fucking wonderful." A thought occurred in my mind. "Hey do you know anything about the giant changeling that attacked me?"
Oh that. That was just one of their desperate attempts to stop you. Horrible experiments on a strain of changeling that resulted in a very large body, but very low intelligence. One of a kind.
"Well that's good."
Well except for the eggs. If I had been drinking something I would have done a spit take.
"Where are they?"
Science lab X-2, west wing. I checked my Pip-Boy, and found the appropriate place and began heading out.
"I just can't get a fucking break. It's like I'm back in the wasteland again." I grumbled as I kept walking. I encountered none of the aforementioned 'undead'. I kept nervously glancing over my shoulder but seeing nothing. I felt as if something was watching me, but every time I turned around there was nothing there. I kept walking, and it was then that I realized that the lizard was not in my arms.
"Hey jackass, do you know where the lizard went?"
Oh Spike? Yea, he just hopped out of your arms and ran away when he saw a pair of glowing eyes.
"What!? Where!?" I said as I whipped my head around.
Over in that alleyway there. I looked at it. Dark, spooky...man I really hated going into dark places. There was always some kind of fucking mutant trying to kill you. I approached the alleyway and I saw a ball of green and purple spines and scales curled up into a ball.
"Hey there kid. Hey, why did you run off like that?" After much more coaxing he relaxed and was about to get up but something happened. His eyes...there was something wrong with them.
"Uhhh, man what happens if anything other than changelings encounter this bacteria?"
Well first I would assume the immune system would try to fight it off. The bacteria, being attacked, would also fight back. Why?
"Uhhh..." I said as I glanced back at him and his eyes were back to normal. "Nothing I guess, just curious." I bent over to pick up the lizard, but upon looking at him again I didn't.
"Kid are you okay?" I asked as he began shaking violently. His eyes were turning a pale yellow color that was slightly glowing. "Oh fuck no..." I said as he stopped shaking and slumped over, dead. The light in his eyes faded, and I gently closed them. I gently pounded the ground with a fist.
"Damn it. Why do people always die around me." I said weakly. Every damn time. It even happened with Fawkes. Sure he could take care of himself, but he died in the end. They always died in the end. I let out a shaky breath and got up. I never felt sorry for any assholes that I killed, but every time someone came even a little close to me they died. This time it was a kid. He had a whole life ahead of him. One not filled with death and violence.
"What is your name?" I asked seemingly into open air, but I received a response.
Discord. Entity of chaos. I gave no reply and kept walking. I ignored the feeling of being watched, and nothing happened on the walk to the science lab. I arrived entered the went wing, and was not prepared for what I saw. Inside were several sluggish moving changelings with pale yellow glowing eyes, and they were all over the hall. And, go figure, what I needed was at the end.
"Motherfucker." Upon hearing my voice they all looked up to find me. They began to stumble forward, and they echoed a horrible, horrible, scream. After stumbling a few steps they began speeding up and their steps gaining coordination.
"Oh that's fucking great. They learn." The first one reached me, and it lunged forward at me. Right before it bit me, I grabbed its head and snapped its neck, taking care to break its spine as well. The now quadriplegic changeling fell down. Without limb control they couldn't move and I was safe. The rest of the group were now sprinting towards me, still screaming that horrible scream. I briefly covered my ears as the scream got exponentially louder, and one tackled me. I grabbed him by the sides of his head and began to squeeze as hard as I could.
I felt something cracking, and a few seconds later its carapace, and skull shattered inwards and it was actually dead this time. Several others jumped on top of me before I could get up, and I pulled out my pistol. They tried biting me, but nothing happened as my armor, while not power armor in any regard, was still pretty tough. I put the pistol at the base of their heads, and fired several rounds into their brains. The rounds pierced their skulls and brains no problem, but they kept attacking me.
"Oh shit this is going to hurt." I said.
What are you talking abo- Discord was asking when I pulled out a plasma grenade and detonated it. I allowed myself a scream of agony as the green waves hammered my nerves, and while my suit was protecting me from damage, it still hurt. A lot. After about five seconds, of an eternity of pain, I returned to my senses. My whole body was sore, and when I moved my muscles screamed at me.
"Son of a bitch man, that hurts." I said with a groan while I forced myself to get up. I looked at my Pip-Boy to check how much damage the grenade had done to me, and as it turns out, it wasn't that bad. I had major tissue damage all over my body, but it was nothing I couldn't handle. About a year in the wasteland, I had learned to tolerate the pain. But, I wan't going to go walking around in this state if I could help it. I applied a single stimpack to all of my limbs. There was an itching sensation, and the pain was gone. Only 10 stimpacks left. Noticing that I hadn't been attacked again, I looked at what remained of the bodies of the changelings. Mostly piles of green goo.
I pushed all thoughts to the back of my head, and walked towards the end of the hall. I pushed open the double doors, and found myself in a science lab. Looking around and seeing nothing more than broken terminals and beakers, I entered the next room. I found myself face to face with a whole lot of greenish transparent eggs, that were abnormally large. They were attached to the walls, and the ceiling. I reached for my plasma explosives, and pulled out several mines. I set them up in a spiderweb pattern that would detonate all of them if one went off.
I set the last one at the doorway, and I retreated several yards away. I aimed the pistol at the lone mine, and squeezed off the shot. Plasma explosions aren't particularly loud, but when all of them go off at once, it sounds pretty bad. Sorta like if you took a rusted cheese grater to a tin can over a loudspeaker. I covered my ears and hit behind a desk as the plasma raced over it. Once the noise stopped, I uncovered my ears and looked at the room. The floor was covered with the green shit that plasma does to living things. Satisfied with my work, I walked back into the hallway to see something that scared me to death.
There standing at the other end of the hallway, was Spike, his eyes glowing the same pale yellow color as the changelings.