The Potion Shop

by Ashfur


Quackmageddon

It was another average day in Rainbow Falls.  Arca was back home, which was why most of the town was sweeping up tufts of fur from his latest try at the mane growth potion.  This time it made fur start growing rapidly, then fall out, then regrow…

Regardless, it was a pretty normal day so far.  Emerald was enjoying a nice trot through the market, when she heard a noise.  It was a common noise where she came from, so she paid it no mind, but the rest of the townsponies seemed to freeze in terror, praying it was their imagination.

“Quack.”

“EVERYPONY RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!”

Emerald barely dove out of the way as all the ponies in the market stampeded towards the train station to get anywhere but where they were at the moment.  Pegasi took to the air at speeds rivaling the wonderbolts to escape.

Emerald looked on in horror as something rounded the corner among the dust kicked up by the fleeing ponies.

“Quack.”

“Wait, it's just a bucking duck?”

“Quack.”  Sure enough, a single, uninteresting white duck waddled up to her, looked around for bread, and waddled off down an alley.

“Is… is THAT what everypony was scared of?  Why?”

“Hello, pony who I don't know but kinda looks familiar!  Have you seen a waterfowl around here?”

Emerald turned around, glaring.  “Arca.” Upon seeing the object of her ire, her eyes widened in shock.  “Wait… why are you wearing a camouflage lab coat, covered in leaves, and towing seventeen military grade cannons?!”

The town's resident potion maker gestured to his artillery, all connected to a single cord.  “Because sixteen wasn't enough last time. Also, I'm legally required to tell you to evacuate the town.  Mayor Silver doesn't like it when I go up against my arch-nemesis. But one of these days, I'm going to win!”

“Quack.”

Arca's right eye twitched, his head pivoting around slowly.  There it was, sticking its head into one of the cannons, appearing to examine the echo of its voice.  It fell inwards, only its rump sticking out of the weapon, its legs kicking fruitlessly.

“YOU MOTHERBUCKING SON OF A FLAP-FLAP,  I'M GONNA KILL YOU DEAD! ALL CANNONS! FIRE!”

“Qua-”

The Duck didn't get to finish as Arca pulled the ripcord, and all seventeen cannons fired their salvo in rapid succession, including the one The Duck happened to be stuck in at the moment.  It also just so happened that all of them were pointed directly at Emerald's recently redecorated jewelry store.

“My shop!”  Emerald cried out in anger.  “You will pay for every bit of repairs I have to do, and then I will have you jailed, you bonehead!”  she flinched as she said that, knowing what destruction Arca was capable of.  Calling a unicorn a ‘bonehead’ was akin to calling an earth pony a ‘filthy mud pony’ (which they were, in her opinion, but that's beside the point), and she didn't want to face him directly.

However, Arca simply waved her off with a hoof.  “Eh, collateral damage. It matters not, I even don't care about that racial slur you just called me!  I think I finally got him!”

“Quack.”

There was a light flapping of wings, and The Duck perched on Arcane's head and began preening itself.

“I hate you.  So bucking much.”

“Quack.”

“You wanna play like that?  Fine. ALL CANNONS! FIRE TWO!”  There was another series of explosions, and Emerald looked even more furious.  “Eheheh… whoops. Forgot to aim them. I feel bad for whoever runs that shop.” He then turned the cannons to face him head-on.

“Qua-”

“FIRE THREE!”

As the dust settled, a white duck walked away from the carnage as Arca, covered in soot and dust but somehow uninjured, weakly poked a hoof from the rubble and shook it in anger.  “Curse you, The Duck… Just you wait until next time!”


Mayor Silver had been off on a nature walk when the panic started, and as such thought all the screaming was something else Arca-related.  So when he returned to find the town empty and a giant anvil made of a combination of smaller anvils and cannons hanging by a thick rope above a pile of birdseed, and Arca hiding behind a sign that read ‘Nopony here, eat the free birdseed’, he knew that it was trouble.

“Arca, let me guess.  Is it The Duck again?”

“SSSSH!  I'm not here.  That blasted bird is back and this time I'm sure I'll finally have it!”

“Quack.”

Arca and Silver both turned to look at the the noise.  The Duck was there, eating the birdseed. Arca leapt from his ‘hiding spot’ and pulled the rope, crying out triumphantly.

“Ah HA!”

...Only for all the cannons to fire to the side, swinging the massive anvil as the rope let go, crushing Arca into the ground.  From under the pile of iron and weaponry, Silver heard voices.

“I am okay!  Is it dead?”
“Quack.”
“HOW DID YOU GET DOWN HERE?!”

Silver sighed.  “Right, I'm going to leave now.  Have fun trying to kill The Duck for the umpteenth time.”

“Okay, have a nice day, Mayor Silver!  If you can find a way to help, let me know!”

“Noted, Arca.  Also, it seems to be eating the birdseed again.”

“HOW DID IT GET OUT BEFORE I DID?!  FLOOF THAT BIRD!”