//------------------------------// // Chapter 54: The Hearts of Maidens, Part Two // Story: Princess Essenta // by Pone_Heap //------------------------------// Antecedence Arc Feeling no activity of immediate import in the next cavity Cassia saw no further reason not to look in on Dechaa, then and there. Already regretting the way she’d handled things with Orni—that encouraged little mare—she figured on going about with Dechaa differently. She’d have to anyway, she figured; her next target would surely prove to present herself very differently. Cassia hadn’t expected to find a corporeal plane within Dechaa’s mind; ponies could either generate one or not and Cassia couldn’t just create one. But she could see vague glimpses of things. There was a lot of confusion in there and considering what Dechaa had been through in just the last couple of days—being very receptive to the mental stressors occuring—this was underwhelming... at first. The decided serenity within Orni was gone. Cassia looked upon herself; she was her familiar, elderly self but at least she wasn’t in pain. Not feeling any pain—or anything else, really—she moved effortlessly but was unable to create a plane upon which to walk; she was forced to drift about. Cassia knew what she was looking for; she said to herself, “Dechaa’s essence is around here somewhere… Let’s see where…” Things were… different, Cassia had concluded after only a moment. As skilled as she was, she knew it might take time to locate Dechaa’s being in the mess of emotion and activity around her. She’d only seen this exact kind of turmoil—it wasn’t the most extreme, but unique—in somepony in the throes of a seizure, which Dechaa wasn’t having. It had appeared underwhelming at first, but things got strange in a hurry. Perhaps she wouldn't "have to change" her approach; she had little choice and was simply in for a ride. It was one of the oddest things she’d ever seen in a mind: it was as if it had been carefully ordered until just recently and… then somepony came along and just scattered it in every imaginable direction. Something appeared to Cassia’s side; it surprised her slightly, causing her to flinch. She saw a young filly—obviously a younger Dechaa—hunched at a desk. At least Dechaa can see things from the ‘outside’… Cassia had been dreading seeing everything through Dechaa’s eyes, having encountered nothing concrete until that point. “…I don’t know why you keep reading those books, Dechaa,” a sharp-faced Pegasus mare in a severe tunic—likely beautiful at some point in her life—lounged on a sofa on the other side of the room. Cassia felt a hotness, pulsating from the filly, as she twitched. The young one gritted her teeth and went on reading. Looking about, the room appeared a library. Mother… Cassia gathered… and Mother was a little drunk, apparently. Cassia took in the scene. To Cassia, the older mare resembled a bird, somehow; she considered her wineglass, turning it in her hoof, “Your father’s been soft on the matter but it’s high time you started shadowing him… and me.” Little Dechaa, certainly no older than 11 or 12, had her back to her mother; she was tense! Cassia could feel a pent-up frustration building, likely invisible to and/or overlooked by the Pegasus. Cassia heard Dechaa’s teeth creak as she ground them. “Wardeness…” a voice came from the door to a hallway. Cassia looked to see a plainly-clad Earth pony mare, supporting a jug. Lady Beiren lazily turned to the mare, “Yes?” “Lady Beiren, I’ve brought the fresh wine you requested.” The Pegasus snorted, a drunken giggle building in her throat, “Who?” The Earth pony smiled, “Lady Brigid, I’ve brought the fresh wine you requested.” “Atta girl,” Lady Beiren again waved her glass. “Any friend of mine can use my given name... Mind topping me off?” “Not at all.” Cassia looked on, noting the disgusted Dechaa. The little unicorn was positively bristling at the sound of the wineglass filling. “Thank you, Risa,” Lady Beiren slurred. “Leave the jug, will you?” Risa stood uneasily, noting Dechaa; she noticed something was wrong and whispered to the wardeness, “Uh… this is your husband’s study… Do you really want to…?” “Leave the jug,” Lady Beiren purred. “Yes, Wardeness,” Risa didn’t argue further. Cassia kept watch a while, seeing Dechaa’s manner worsen as her mother’s did, the former becoming more tense and the latter beginning to get hammered. She grimaced, realizing it was all intentional on the mother’s part. It was a time before Lady Beiren spoke again; her words came through garbled, “Your brother’s training to be a soldier… If he shows promise they’ll groom him for command…” Dechaa cringed, trying to bury herself in her book. Cassia was positive her horn glowed, however faintly; she’d felt Dechaa was on the cusp of something awful and became anxious. Lady Beiren went on, “And your sister… it’s like she was born for this. Someday she’ll be the warden of the castle.” Cassia picked up another feeling from Dechaa… Brother... Sister… Pegasi… Like Mother… I see… Cassia took this in. The unfavored daughter… Not only that, but there was no denying it: Dechaa’s horn sparked… and not in a pleasant way. Lady Beiren smirked to her daughters back, draining another wineglass, “You, though…” With that, Dechaa stood up and deftly yet fluidly returned the book to a place on the shelf. Cassia could read the book’s spine: Medicinal Herbs of the Western Forests Cassia was sure she heard a chuckle from the wardeness as Dechaa began to stride out with purpose. In Dechaa’s heart, she detected a powerful blackness. And Cassia realized she wouldn’t be able to follow Dechaa, her mind not being “physically navigable” as Orni’s was. But the feeling wasn’t difficult to follow, and she was sure she’d be able to see Dechaa again. It was even easier than expected, finding her. The next scene encountered had Cassia realizing Dechaa had some frustration built, if the time in the study hadn’t been evidence enough. Feeling a great conflict in Dechaa, Cassia found her next simmering in a nearby rocky outcropping. It was a most unpleasant thing, what she witnessed. It wasn’t difficult to detect the rage continuing to build up, as Dechaa seethed, tears forming in her eyes, horn beginning to spark. Cassia wished she’d be able to stand back but couldn’t do much other than watch. She also knew this was Dechaa’s “venting grounds” and the scorched boulders and earth supported this. With the guttural cry of a wounded animal, Dechaa let go all the pent-up fury she’d been holding. Cassia watched in horror as Dechaa—for a full minute—blasted her horn at a boulder, screaming the while. It wasn’t particularly powerful—Cassia realized Dechaa had experienced overextending herself, this being nothing novel—but it was still frightening. It was practiced. Dechaa’s mind was whirling, though she didn’t give words to her dark thoughts; something stopped her from saying it all out loud. Fuck! Drunken bitch cunt! Asshole! Asshole! Asshole! Fuck! Cunt! I hate you! Die, asshole! Kill you! I want to watch you die! Cunt! Cunt! Cunt! Cunt! Cunt! Cunt! CUNT! Go away! Leave me alone! Die! Die! Die! Die! DIE! That and much more made itself known to Cassia. A lot of it made no sense; it was just blind rage, pure and simple. When the blast dried up, Dechaa reduced herself to stomping and tearing the ground beneath her; again, she worked herself up and soon fell, crying softly into the grass. Cassia saw this passage dissolve and next found them back in what she knew to be Greendale, the capitol of the Dale. Dechaa was slowly paddling down a street, evidence of her emotions streaking her face. “Dechaa…” a small voice sounded from the side. Cassia looked and beheld another unicorn filly, just as pretty as Dechaa. Her coat was a pastel orange and her ebony mane—though carefully maintained—betrayed a messiness that no hairbrush could tame. Dechaa tried to hide her face, “Calleha! What are you doing out here?” Calleha was a little taken aback, obviously noting Dechaa’s trouble, “I’m… looking for my sister.” If Dechaa seemed raw—though experienced—with her misery, Calleha was downtrodden. Cassia saw Dechaa’s demeanor not improve, but change, encountering the smaller unicorn. “Come with me, Calleha.” Cassia, seeing things fade out a moment, felt them rematerialize in what appeared to be a workshop. Calleha looked about, “This is my sister’s shop…!” “And it’s my laboratory as well,” Dechaa’s spirit rose visibly, being in her place of solace. “I thought you kept that in your room…” Calleha said innocently, looking around at Dechaa’s glassware. Dechaa twinged at the words, but didn’t take out anything on Calleha, “You know my mother, dear… like you know your own.” Calleha huddled up at the words, sitting on a worn sofa on the wall, “Yes… they…” Dechaa nodded sadly, “They don’t approve of our pastimes… Sen and I.” Sen? Cassia wondered. Calleha further retreated into the sofa, “Right… Essenta…” Cassia felt a jolt… Princess Essenta’s little sister…?! She certainly was such. Dechaa had begun to set out a couple of potted plants and a clippers; she had maintenance to do on her herbs but relented upon seeing just how down Calleha was. The forthcoming healer paddled over to the sofa, sitting beside the other, “It’s about your mother, I see…” Dechaa put a hoof over Calleha’s shoulder. “She just… doesn’t talk to me… or sing or play her harp for me anymore…” the little one was on the verge of tears. Dechaa sighed and gave an understandingly sad smile, “I know…” Calleha sniffled. Dechaa thought a moment, “Your baby brother… you understand things, right?” Calleha looked guilty but soon acknowledged, “I think so…” Not unkindly, Dechaa explained, “Your mother had a very difficult pregnancy with Durenes… She’s still recovering and… and he’s still very sick. I know it’s hard to understand but…” Calleha wiped her eyes, “I know… I’m being selfish…” Dechaa kneaded her shoulder, “Don’t think that way, Calleha… You’re not selfish—at all, really… You know he needs her… and he needs your father, too.” Calleha bobbed her head in a nod, “Abe’s taking it pretty hard…” “I know…” Dechaa sighed. “I know…” “And Valles… even he misses Father.” “Yes.” Calleha snorted, her nose running some, “Essenta, though…” Dechaa picked up on the tone, “What about her?” “How can I be more like her?” the childlike question came immediately. Dechaa betrayed no response at first; she considered the younger filly’s face, “How you can be like her…?” “Yes… you’re her best friend! Tell me!” Dechaa appeared wary. Calleha persisted, “She doesn’t spend as much time with me anymore, either… and I really want her to… If I’m more like her, then maybe…” But her words died in her throat; Calleha mumbled it off. Dechaa took her time. She knew Calleha didn’t want that in her heart and the little unicorn knew what it entailed… It entailed an ugly thing. And it was a very ugly thing. “Calleha… your sister loves you… more than anything. You know that, right?” Calleha nodded, a few more tears squeezing from her eyes. “I know it’s hard… but try to be patient… And help Abe; he’s not as tough as you might think.” Calleha actually snorked at this, a little grin showing through, “I know…” Dechaa jostled her, “You’ll be okay, Calleha… and if you need to talk, I’m here.” At this, Calleha started; it took her a moment to formulate, “Dechaa… is there anything you want to talk about?” Dechaa gave a long stare. She knew Calleha wasn’t foolish… that she knew of her hurts. Not entirely lying, Dechaa hugged Calleha, “I feel better, Calleha… Sometimes we just need to put things into perspective. Talking’s not just good for you, after all; it is for me, too.” Calleha again wiped her eyes, “I see… Thanks, Dechaa.” “So, buck up… You’re a princess of the Dale.” “Right…” “Now run along,” Dechaa stood Calleha up and ushered her to the door. “You have lessons to attend.” Calleha started, other things forgotten, “Oh, you’re right!” Dechaa watched the little princess gallop away. Cassia wasn’t sure if Dechaa would return to her work or go elsewhere. Though it didn’t surprise her that Dechaa closed up shop and strode out with purpose. Cassia felt the “air” change; she was going on another trip in Dechaa’s mind. ... ... ... Ka-Boooooooooooooom! Cassia gave a "mental leap", brought abruptly into the next segment. “Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!” “Fuckin’ A, right, Cap! Yeah!” Cassia turned to see two fillies, roughly Dechaa’s age, cheering raucously at a smoking crater in the ground. “Oh, watch out!” the filly Cassia recognized as Zyra looked up. The other looked up and said, “Meh…” And a rock big enough to kill her landed harmlessly not a leg’s length away from her, embedding in the ground. A few smaller chunks fell about nearby, but most of them were not to be seen. “Shit, Cap!” Zyra crowed. “You’re nuts!” Essenta cackled, the smoke clearing. While Zyra looked much the same—aside from keeping a longer mane and tail—Essenta looked markedly different. The first princess of the Dale was all legs, her mane and tail shortly cropped. Both fillies were covered in all manner of filth and paddled to a dirty blanket set out. Zyra brushed her hooves together, rubbing off some of the dust, magicking ink and quill to paper, “Okay… so we blended the new gunpowder a little too strong…” “But that was cool!” Essenta crowed. “Too much saltpeter and not enough sulfur… You know that’s not stable; it takes too much input for ignition.” “Whatever,” the princess chuckled. “Cap, we’re trying to make better fireworks… not blow rocks into the stratosphere…” Zyra had a delighted hyperbole about her voice. This is Dechaa’s memory… where is she? Cassia thought. “What are you two doing?!” a voice cried. Essenta and Zyra turned. There Dechaa was… Zyra looked less than pleased to see her, “Ah, what is it? Come to spoil our fun? S’not like we have any lessons this afternoon.” Dechaa took in the surroundings and knew what they’d been up to. It wasn’t just the noise; she knew her friends. Dechaa didn’t pay any attention to Zyra; she strode to Essenta, “Sen!” Essenta gave a lopsided grin, “Yeah?” Dechaa scowled, looking at her best friend with disgust, “Your mother’s gonna have a fit when she sees that manecut you gave yourself… and your father…” Essenta gave an unsteady giggle, “I know…” Dechaa sniffed the air between them; she looked aghast, “No… You’ve been drinking!” Essenta pointed to a small cask off to the side, “Sure.” “Where’d you get that?!” Zyra put in, laughing, “She hooked it from the kitchen.” “Best ale in town!” Essenta was clearly not entirely sober. Dechaa was disgusted, “You idiots!” “Hey, I didn’t touch the stuff!” Zyra shook her head. But Dechaa was less concerned about the magical prodigy and more so of the princess, “Drinking and playing with dangerous stuff! You know better, Sen!” Essenta wasn’t having it, “Re-lax, pal… We’re just having a little fun.” Dechaa’s sharp eyes narrowed, “…Fun… you say?” Zyra felt the atmosphere change; she knew things were about to get heated and backed up. Dechaa shoved Essenta hard... right to the ground, “Just what are you thinking, Sen?” Essenta, taken aback at the sudden violence, didn’t fully register what was happening, “Hey! What was that for?!” Dechaa spoke loudly, standing above—and already quite a bit taller than—the princess, “You’re a princess of the Dale! You’re the first princess of the Dale! What are you thinking?! Drinking and playing with gunpowder!” “Hey, fuck you!” Essenta yelled back. Dechaa didn't like that answer; she pushed Essenta back down as she tried to stand. “Gah!” Essenta went over like a sack of potatoes. Dechaa bristled, “Again…! You’re the first princess of the Dale, Sen!” “Hey, leave me alone!” Essenta wasn’t in touch with her higher brain functions enough to deal with this. “No, Sen!” Dechaa commanded. “You listen!” “…Dechaa…” Zyra implored. The taller unicorn glared at the other, knocking off any such implorations, "Zyra… you’re an initiate to our magic guild—the youngest ever—but you can't just do whatever you want! So... shut up! I don’t care how powerful you are!” Zyra, seeing Dechaa's horn flaring, fell off like the clap and pulled back. Dechaa looked back to Essenta, “Listen, Essenta!” Essenta jilted; it was rare Dechaa called her by her actual name, “…” “I know you’re just loving the lack of attention, now, but you have a responsibility!” Dechaa’s voice came clear as a bell. “What do you mean?” Essenta was trying to sluff this off. “If you don’t care about your duties as a princess, then think of Calleha! Think of Abe! Even Valles!” “…” “They need you! They need their big sister!” Essenta recoiled. “And your parents… They need you.” Dechaa’s words stung; Essenta huddled up, “Shut up… it’s not my fault that little shit’s retar-” “That’s your baby brother!” Dechaa hollered. “And those are your parents! They need you!” “Fuck you…” Essenta muttered. Dechaa leered, “Fuck me…?” Zyra again intervened, “Hey, uh… Dechaa? You know that…” Dechaa gave a venomous glance; she didn’t need to say it… Yes, Sen very nearly hates her parents… But Zyra went on, “You know how it is…” Easy for you to say… Zyra… your family’s long gone… Dechaa thought. “I can’t be like Calleha…” Essenta murmured. Dechaa looked at her friend with annoyance, “Say what you mean.” Essenta did, “She should know better… than to 'play princess'…” “Be glad Calleha’s not like you…” Dechaa’s words cut. Zyra looked horrified; she was astonished Dechaa would say that. Essenta heard it alright; she began to cry. Yes... perhaps Essenta wasn't lost... that she could at least try to be closer to her parents—particularly her mother. Dechaa may not be able to do it... but Essenta wasn't lost. Dechaa—regretting her harsh words but knowing them to be true—knelt. Essenta withdrew. “Sen…” Dechaa’s voice came gently. “You can’t be out here doing careless things… You’re worth more than that. Calleha and Abe need their big sister. They’re hurting. Valles… I don’t know, really. But Calleha and Abe need you—more than ever.” Essenta sniffled and buried her face in Dechaa’s tunic. “Zyra…” Dechaa’s voice pulled the mage back. “Yes?” Zyra was on pins and needles. “Clean all this up, please… I’ll take Sen.” Zyra nodded and proceeded to do so. Cassia watched as Dechaa guided Essenta back and lovingly washed her up, fixed her mane and tail so they didn’t look so bad, and saw she sobered up to better grasp her duties as a sister. The current scene faded, giving Cassia some time to think. Dechaa presented an interesting—and frightening—duality. And the other things she saw only reinforced this. It was non-linear, with the jumble of memories being out of order, but there was plenty to see. Cassia saw Dechaa succeed in her aspirations and take up the role of apprentice apothecary. The triumph over her mother’s assholery gave her much reason to mellow out. But she often bottled up her emotions; she vented less, and it may not have been for the best. She tried to keep Essenta “far enough away from trouble” and Zyra on track with her own responsibilities. She tried to see things from a different point of view, lightening her thoughts about many things, and feeling much less black about some things. Cassia saw little of Dechaa’s father, the milquetoast unicorn he was, but she saw a lot more of Lady Beiren; the wardeness loved her Pegasi much more than her unicorns. Dechaa admired her brother and tolerated her sister and loved them both; they were their own ponies and had their own paths. Only rarely did Dechaa ever defend herself or even think of herself… other than pursuing the life of an apothecary. Shocking was her encounter with Prince Dagda. A moment of jealousy for the less-than-visually-receptive princess and her own lust led to a closet and a hoofjob, a game of stink-hoof, and fellatio, among other things. Cassia witnessed the fear and unsureness, the excitement and mingled horror of leaving the Dale and their encounters in the wilderness. New friends… New experiences… New fears throughout the trip... The night raid was something Cassia didn’t fully appreciate until “being there”. The same could be said of their healing. Most disturbing, perhaps, was her fight with Orni, right before the little Knollwing joined their party. Dechaa had cast her own life aside—whether she meant to or not—to win (or rather, tie with Orni). It was still unclear even to Dechaa why she’d taken such a crippling and potentially fatal blow. And, of course, she became more and more frustrated with their troubles, letting too many things build up inside. And now, Dechaa’s mind had just about cracked, with recent things. The sensation of the dying filly in Nuinhof had come close to breaking her. She was finally ready to fall off the edge; all she needed was a tip in the wrong direction and gravity would take over. Cassia came to know all this, and it still didn’t make much sense to her. About all that was clear was Dechaa loved her friends very much... more than herself. The conclusion wasn’t an easy one: she was unable to find Dechaa’s actual essence. Cassia had been in minds with far more pain… but never with such conflict. It was the first time in her life she’d been unable to make contact with a pony’s spirit. Dechaa’s essence wasn’t locked away… but lost in the jumble. Cassia had had enough; it was time to leave. Dechaa, already being out like a light, remained on the floor. Cassia grimaced, stepping away from the healer, “Gah… This one’s twisted up inside.” Delia freaked, “What did you tell her?!” Cassia shook her head, her mind swimming, “Nothing… I couldn’t… 'find' her in there…” To Essenta, Cassia’s bewilderedness was obvious; it wasn’t to Delia. “YEEEAARRRGGH!” Delia bucked at the magic bubble, making quite a fuss. “You’re lying! What did you do?” “Eep!” Essenta squealed; there wasn’t much room in the bubble for roughhousing. “Stop this,” Cassia said tiredly. “I’m gonna kill you!” Delia thundered. “Let me out!” Cassia knew there was no getting through. “Quiet…” she pointed her horn at the roaring janitor. With that, Delia’s outburst became completely silent; the former maid looked quite deranged, raging in the space. Cassia had her concerns: Dechaa was wrecked inside… but she didn’t know just how much time she had left and chose to go on with her chosen task. Turning towards the next chamber, Cassia limped away, “Now... I have a bone to pick with the Terran.” Leaving the raging Delia and the glum Essenta behind, Cassia entered the next chamber. Perhaps she was wrong in all this... but she didn't care.