//------------------------------// // Recap with DIscord - Guest Chapter // Story: Borrowed Time // by Gambit Prawn //------------------------------// Luna’s huzzah broke the spell of silence on the auditorium, replacing it with a frantic and excited hubbub. Yelling and shouting quickly joined with the excited chatter to escalate the hubbub into a cacophony. I’m almost certain I heard somepony’s yelling about how they were yelling. This day was going to get so much longer. Then everything gradually drained of color, turning black and white, everypony’s talking suddenly sounded much quieter despite them not stopping. I looked around, concerned, until I saw Discord. He stood to the side in a suit, a bubblegum cigarette wafting bubbles from its place between his claws. “Submitted for your approval, Alice the alicorn. Take one human from a war torn world with only the barest traces of magic, add a princess with mothering issues and a dimension scrying mirror and mix. Let sit for several months or until Harmony gets bored and tosses magic willy nilly. A recipe fit to be served… In the Twilight Zone.” I didn’t respond. The play, Maniacal Laughter and now my new wings along with all the chaos —of course Discord would show up—all of it made me a bit numb, so I just stared at the mismatched spirit. “... Get it? The Twilight Zone? Crazy stuff happens around Twilight? You’re in ‘the zone’ as it were?” I stared blankly at him before sighing heavily. So this was going to be my day. “Bah! My genius is wasted once again. And I had so much more material too...” Discord lifted his candy cigarette and blew into it creating a huge bubble that filled my vision until it popped and we found ourselves in a place I couldn’t quite comprehend. Except for the floating island with the small house we were currently standing on that I had a good enough handle on. “Welcome to my chaotic slice of existence. So much easier to mess with time here, which is what we’re going to need for this little conversation of ours.” “What conversation is that?” I asked warily. “Why, what you’ll be doing with your new status as a demigod of course!” “I’m not a demigod. At—at least I don’t think I am…” I responded almost instinctively. Discord huffed. “I didn’t say you were. I said that was your new status. Like it or not, ponies tend to see you alicorns as ones to kowtow to. I have control over reality while alicorns are just overcharged ponies, but they’re the ones everyone wants to listen to!” With every word of his rant, Discord deflated a bit more. Taking a second to pull a bellows from nowhere, he began to re-inflate himself. “Sorry about that. I’ve been working through some issues with Fluttershy, and I’ve found it just kind of comes up all the time now. But! We’re here to discuss you, not me. I took time out of my busy schedule to give to you so that you could have a little heads-up about what’s coming your way. I personally don’t think the girls have realised they haven’t told you what’s racing down the tunnel you’re stuck in. So let’s start at the beginning shall we?” With a quick motion Discord booped my nose and my vision flashed with faces and places leaving me disoriented. “Here we are! ‘The life and times of Alice, the transdimensional alicorn’” Discord said hefting a book bound in my colors. “What? What is that?!” “Like I just said, you really should work on listening if you’re going to be a princess. This is the story of your life. Every thought and action, everything.” “Eh?! Wha, give it back!” I cried jumping for the book. “Now now, it’s just every secret you’ve ever had and private moment that I hold in my paw. What’s the fuss? Now let’s see…” Discord began to flip through the book at random, “Aha! So that’s what you think of me? Tedious am I!? Well it’s not the worst I’ve been called. Anyway let’s get this recap started.” “Ahem. A long long time ago in a reality far away there once were a people called humans. Humans spread out from their world and colonized new ones. For a long time they were left to their own devices and rivalries and settled many worlds, some even left their galaxy and went to new ones! They were very silly. One day, aliens from the galaxy next door saw they had new neighbors and decided they should fight, or the humans decided to fight them or, y’know what? It doesn’t matter. The humans lost and were conquered or surrendered or something. The point is part of what they gave up was a tract of space filled with planets including a little rough rock called Rhod filled with religious isolationists. The aliens didn’t want to babysit the humans forever so instead they had them mine a whole bunch, broke all their sci-fi toys, gave them a brickish thing they called a share and told them to ring them up when they got back to ‘civilised’ space. And ponies call me a jerk. “Anyway, a little while after the aliens beat up the humans for their lunch money, a portal opened up and spat out my step-brother-in-law/third-aunt-twice-added-once-removed Quarrel. Quarrel saw these aliens and thought they needed a good pranking and so, after a few small jokes he went all out and turned them all into ponies. That’s where things went a little sideways for Quarrel, which would normally be fine and good, but this was the bad kind of sideways. The kind where it turns out you aren’t plugged into an ocean of magic but are running on batteries and you nearly kill yourself and are shot straight into another galaxy. And land on a planet with sapient humans you can hardly tease in you current state, flee them and instead have to plant what little magic you have left to uplift some weird alien bears and then pass out for a good hard nap. “And that’s the story of how Quarrel became an alien trickster demon, bear god and originator of magic all in one day.” Discord wrapped up, closing the book. “I thought that was supposed to be my story. Besides, I don’t know that yet." Discord’s face went from satisfied to surprised. “Oh right. So why…” He muttered flipping back into the book. “Ah! Sorry, that was the prologue. Well the interesting bit of the prologue since it had a draconequus. I suppose I should continue. “Humans were a bit limited in their growth on Rhod, it being suboptimal for colonizing in the first place and so they never noticed another sophant race had begun to develop on the same planet. And so for a long time, say a thousand years I guess, that’s the standard, right? Everything was fine. Then humans and the magic space bears met each other and the humans decided they owned everything and the bears should be their rugs or something. The bears decided they didn’t want to be rugs and another war started. Hehehe monkeys versus bears. “Chapter One. Martha looked into Lawrence's eyes. This was their duty, but that didn’t mean they couldn’t take joy and comfort in one another's embrace. Her heart began to beat all the faster as he lent in for a kiss…” “Whoa what?! Wha, are you? Is this a recounting of my conception?!!” “Well it is chapter one. He took his—” “No! No no no!! I don’t want to hear this! LALALAAAAAA!” “This is beautiful! Why wouldn’t you want to hear this? Sheesh, you have issues with your own creation, no wonder you have personality problems.” “Big talk coming from you, mister bargain bin discount toy!” “Hey! My personality problems are all my own creation! You know what? Fine. You don’t deserve to hear this chapter of love. Maybe someday when you mature a little you’ll have learnt to appreciate its subtlety and nuance. Alright, cliff notes version. You had a mom and dad, a sister and three brothers, some were older and younger who cares.” “I care! That’s my family!” I yelled in indignation. In truth, I surprised myself with my outburst because as I said it, I realized I hadn’t given them much thought in some time. I missed them and felt guilty for having sort of forgotten them for a time. I… I know my parents wouldn’t accept me, at least not as I knew them. I’d had dreams of my sister that might have been real? She would accept me if that was really her. My brothers? I wasn’t sure… “Yes yes, good, self reflection. You miss your family, moving on. You all served your colony in the military like good patriotic drones.” “We served our people as they needed us and honorably…” I replied weakly in an old reflex. Discord looked at me with a knowing smirk. “You followed a short-sighted, greedy and misguided government because after getting yelled at, you never questioned propaganda. But don’t take it too hard. Others have done worse and thought less about it than you and your old people. Besides, they lost and were stopped. Wow, you humans sure do lose a lot don’t you?” “Now you’re just trying to provoke me for nothing.” “You’re so little fun. Get it? Cause you’re small?” He smiled widely and expectantly; it dropped an instant later. “Bah, fine enough of the social commentary. I don’t actually disapprove entirely, so much chaos! The drama! The uncertainty! The twists and turns! Really the only downside is the death. Which I guess is kind of central to the whole concept… Bleh, this is getting deeper than I thought, next!” Discord snapped a claw and a projector started to show a large grey rock with a creepy face about to crush a blonde kid wearing green. “Something’s not quite right here… I think he’s meant to be wearing red. Eh, close enough. You jumped in front of a big igneous bullet for your bro. Celestia was flipping through the channels on her pocket peep portal and saw your noble sacrifice and cause she likes to torture herself she checked your aura and saw it said alicorn. That and the whole mothering complex she has meant she just had to go for it. Good thing you spoke Equestrian, which by the way, what is with that?” “Well actually…” Nevermind, I don’t actually care. Picking up the pace now! Luna had a lapse in judgement—which between you and me I think something was at work there—you got whupped by a minotaur and grew a horn.” “He didn’t whup me!” “Let’s speed things up a bit shall we? Turned into a pony, then a filly. Been getting younger too yeah? Does Twilight have a wall height chart for you going in reverse? Made some friends without even thinking about it. Pfff, go on making it look easy why don’t you?” “It hasn’t been easy! Or maybe it was... I don’t know! I wasn’t trying to make friends with children you know. They keep coming at me and I’ve got to learn how to deal with them and all their problems too!” “Deal with their problems? So that’s how you do it?” “No! That’s not all it is, just part of it. I mean then there’s finding stuff in common…” “Yeah yeah, let’s save the friendship lessons for Purple, right? Let’s see what else there is... Job experience: Soldier, Matchmaker, Superhero sidekick and aspiring Actress?” He waggled his eyebrows. “Powers include interdimensional dream telepathy, color shifting, minor unicorn magic, so-called common sense, some competent combat skills and pure Acht-Ting Tal-Ent!” The Chaos Spirit’s body contorted and he reached high above him with both his claw and paw. Then he fell over dead and sank into the ground, an endless pit left in his wake. His voice came from behind, there he was sitting in a tie dye wingback chair while continuing to read. “So, superhero sidekick—what’s that like?” I was really getting sick of this whole thing at this point. “It’s a thing that happens.” I deadpanned. “Aw don’t be like that, or else I’ll have to get even more creative with our time together.” Discord smirked evilly. I knew enough about this mercurial guy to know I didn’t want that. “Fine, It’s a bizarre part of my life that I don’t understand. Why do these villains keep escaping? Why can’t the police, guard or apparently the princesses do anything but a filly and a bird can? Why can nopony see through a paper thin disguise? And why does it seem to only happen when I’m conveniently around? Ugghhh!” “Get it out of your system?” “...No.” “Such is life yes? So… how’s the dream telepathy?” Once more I was tempted to shut down on the question, then I recalled Discord’s threat of ‘creativity’. “Confusing. Despite what you say, I’m not sure it is telepathy. Sometimes there’s a brown stallion that changes my dreams and I haven’t figured out what he is or his deal. Wait, that’s not entirely true. I think maybe he’s trying to help me adapt to ponydom? And there’s a filly that shares her problems with me, asking for help and advice. Maybe my sister? And that other filly... I just… I don’t know.” I started to get lost in my thoughts. Discord coughed up a cannonball seizing my attention back and started flipped through some more pages. “Little Miss lucky here getting in a tizzy looking gift ponies in the mouth here! You need all the help you can get in pony lessons since you fail so consistently you’re hardly believable!” I looked to him, a question barely forming in my throat before he cut me off. “Or would you say your little Triple A was a success? Hehehe and your attempts to comfort ponies! Awkwardness gold.” His eyes were stretched out to the pages scanning them one word at a time until he came across something that grabbed his attention. “Ooh, here’s an interesting section! Enemies. They include a spoiled filly, changelings, supervillains and Krayoveoriug the eternally screaming.” “Wait, changelings and who was that last one?” “Uhh, nothing!” Discord slammed the book of my life (apparently) shut, it then dissolved into sand and he started pushing me toward a portal leading back to the school auditorium. “Well this has been great kiddo. Great recap. Really! On a scale of rubber ducks to cardboard tubes, this look at the slice that is your life has been a solid pipe cleaner. Twisty, bendable and covered in fuzz. Be careful while exiting Discord’s recap as there will be some minor disorientation upon exit. Side effects include, but are not limited too: memory loss of the recap, sudden bouts of paranoia and existentialism, the lingering taste of peppers and the condition known as hotdog hooves.” Over a PA system Discord's words repeated in Rhodish, Prench and then in another language I couldn’t identify. He was suddenly eye to eye with me, his breath smelling of violin music. “See you soon kiddo.” And with a ruffle of my mane he chucked me through the portal. Little would I remember, just feelings and impressions, but Discord’s shenanigans would be the highlight of the next 24 hours. Luna’s huzzah broke the spell of silence on the auditorium, replacing it with a frantic and excited hubbub. Yelling and shouting quickly joined with the excited chatter to escalate the hubbub into a cacophony. I’m almost certain I heard somepony’s yelling about how they were yelling. This day was going to get so much longer. And why do I taste peppers?