Dear Princess Luna,
I've spent the last few days considering your last letter--all whilst taking care to breathe, breathe, breathe--and I've decided... that I don't know precisely what I feel. Which is bizarre! Weird! Strange! I may be a lot of things, but Luna, I'm usually not undecided. What I am is impulsive. An idea pops into my head and I roll with it, sometimes without fully thinking through the potential consequences! How can this be? How can I not have a clear heading on this? It seems an easy answer, right? Sunburst is my friend. How can I see him as anything else? Only the matter didn't feel settled. I couldn't bring myself to come outright and refuse him. Was I afraid of hurting him? Yes. But that wasn't it. My mind was working overtime, but my gut was refusing to play along! In fact, my insides just twisted around like I'd just had three beet smoothies in a row. The more I tried to deny, the worse my stomach pains felt.
Maybe you saw it during your nightly duties, but I had a dream that I was playing poker with three versions of myself in an arid desert. The high noon sun beat down on us and I was thirsty, but there wasn't a thing to drink. I had a great hoof of cards, but I was trying to keep from giving myself away. I wanted my other selves to ante up so that I could earn more when it came time to put our cards down.
My other selves were like pure embodiments of my negative emotions: fear, anger, and sadness. Angery Me kept accusing me of cheating. Sad Me kept sighing that she was going to lose, but she made small bets anyway. Fearful Me dragged the game out whenever her turn came, second-guessing on whether to bet or fold. I felt sure I had them all beat until it was time to show our hooves. I went first, and when I did I got a shock. Luna, my cards became blank! The others just stared at me, and I stared back at them. No one else moved or did anything. Heck, I even think a tumbleweed went by. That's about when I woke up.
I kept wondering what the dream could possibly mean. I almost wrote to you the night it happened, hoping you'd help me decipher it. I decided against it because I realized that I had to confront this myself. After a bottle or two of cider, I remembered what you said about the "why." For what reason was I actually going to reject Sunburst? Was it for his personality? No! We get along quite well! Is it because of his looks? No! He isn't hard on the eyes at all! Over and over, the reasons came and fell away.
So then I just kind of came to this gradual conclusion that I have no reason to turn him down. Not yet. Not until I can give him a real chance, y'know? But while I'm willing to go on another date with him (a real one this time) I can't say I return his feelings just yet. Today, I'm going to tell him as much. My coat reeks of sweat, I'm so nervous! I think I've bathed five times today and it's barely past noon!
Wish me luck!
Sincerely,
Starlight Glimmer
P.S.
The lavender did help, thanks.