I looked at Daisy, sitting in her own table of the cafeteria, off by herself. I took a breath and walked to the table, taking my seat next to her. “Mind if I sit down?”
“Don’t you have a girlfriend?” she said, not looking at me, simply glancing at Starlight’s table, now an unofficial hub for school activity in the weeks after the assembly.
“Yeah,” I said, spearing the slimiest bit of mac and cheese ever with my fork. “And I love her to death, but I’ve never been what you’d call a ‘people person.’ Some days, a girl’s just got to eat lunch alone. Or as close to alone as you can get in Westercolt.”
“Oh, well, I won’t talk with you then,” she said. Nice, but that wasn’t the plan. “I’d just as rather be by myself, too.”
“Really,” I said, looking across the table at her. “Figured the head cheerleader would be a bit more of an extrovert. At least, that’s how it’s worked in every other school I went to.”
Daisy finally looked up at me, frown ground into her face. “And I bet in those schools, the head cheerleader didn’t have her best friend run away followed by her sort-of-boyfriend.” Around Starlight’s hub, people laughed. “And then, the two other girls who were supposed to be my friends just stopped talking with me, because I guess no one but Rose even even liked me, and she didn’t like me enough to tell me how much she was suffering, so maybe no one likes me. Hoops wasn’t really into me, right? I was just his… What was the word? His beard! So maybe, no one likes me. Maybe I’m unlikable.”
Yikes. We… we kind of fucked her up, and maybe she deserved it, but she didn’t seem like a mega bitch right now. “Well, you know, if you hadn’t helped Rose take that picture–”
She laughed, throwing her head back. “Oh, god, that stupid picture. You know, if I’d known Rose was about twelve hours from disappearing, maybe I wouldn’t have helped her, but I didn’t, so I chose surviving at school over protecting a girl who was going to get found out anyways. Ooh, or maybe after the vigil, I shouldn’t have– For being a secretly gay couple, Hoops and Score were great at acting straight.”
“Have you tried apologizing to Starlight?” I asked. Ok, so out of the Flowers she wasn’t the worst, but that was a low bar. She’d still thrown her lot in with them. Just like Starlight had, right up until she hadn’t.
“Would it matter?” Daisy asked? Knowing the plan: No, but…
I shrugged. “Starlight can surprise you sometimes. Maybe I’ll put in a good word for you.”
“It doesn’t matter, does it? Unless you’re secretly wanting to get rid of her, in which case, sure, I’ll be her friend.” Uh-huh. Not what I expected to hear from a Flower. I more expected chomping at the bit for a chance to be back in the center of attention. That’s what we’d built the plan around. If she wasn’t going to jump through every hoop we set up to be popular, I needed to make some alterations.
“No, I like having Starlight around, but you know, you’re not as awful as I first thought. You’re more than just a vapid Flower,” I said, charging right in with the new gamble.
“Is that…” She narrowed her eyes at me. “Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“A little,” I said, glancing out the window and nibbling at my mac and cheese. “Look, I’m not a bullshitter, I’m honest, and you made a shitty first impression on me, but now…” I looked back at her, doing my best to look reassuring. If only I had Starlight’s gift for acting. “Maybe my first impression was wrong or you’ve changed.”
“Oh,” she said, looking down at her food. My bet was on her changing. Maybe she just needed to get away from Rose to blossom. And now we were going to cut that blossom short.
I reached out to her and smiled. “Don’t worry, I have a feeling things will look up soon.” God have mercy on my soul.
***
Starlight and I laughed, running down a back alley, the camera clutched in Starlight’s hand. “Your turn, Sunny,” she said as we reached another street. “Who’s your pick for biggest asshole in Canterlot?”
Hmm. I took the camera from her, trying to remember any news stories involving Canterlot. “Didn’t Crystal Prep’s former headmistress get in trouble for bribery last year?” We’d decided to take a weekend vacation to Canterlot to blow off some steam and nothing blew off steam like asshole removal.
“That could be fun,” she said, pulling me down a street. “That reminds me, on the Westercolt front, what do you think of taking care of Ms. Fleming? She’s helping me out now, but the way she handled the disappearances was just so insensitive, can we let that stand?”
“The disappearances we caused?” I asked as a few raindrops came down. I followed behind Starlight, not sure where she was leading me to.
“Yes, but at least treat them with respect,” Starlight said. “Can we really afford to have narcissists like that in the utopia we’re building? People who just want to make everything about themselves?”
“No.” And obviously, Starlight was the very heart of generosity. “We don’t. But how many people are we talking about getting rid of? A few dozen? A hundred?”
“As many as needed.” She stopped in her tracks. “Sunset, do you… do you know where this headmistress is? Or her name? Or are we just going to be wandering around the city for hours?”
“No, but we know where Crystal Prep is, right?” She nodded. She did. Intensely. “So, maybe they’ll still have her address on file.”
She smiled at me. “Then let’s go.”
***
I watched the croquet ball Daisy had given me bounce off the wicket and right back at me. “You’re doing it wrong,” Daisy said as the ball came to a stop further away from the gate than it had started. “Aren’t you supposed to be athletic?”
“Sure, and if we were punching the croquet ball, I’d be stomping right now, but we’re not, so I’m not.” Also, how did you even get points? She explained it to me at least twice, but all I knew was hit ball through wickets. “Besides, playing with balls just isn’t my thing.”
She laughed, taking her mallet and tapping the ball through. She beamed at me. “See? Easy.”
“What can I say, you’re a natural,” I said, leaning against an oak tree. “And if it makes you feel better, I’m happy to lose to you anytime.”
“Thanks, Sunset.” She nodded at me and I moved to tap my ball to the wicket. It went through this time. “I’m sorry for being awful to you when we first met. I guess we both made bad first impressions.”
“Well, we’re fixing it now,” I said, watching her hit the ball towards the next gate. Croquet really was the dullest game ever made. But talking with Daisy made it at least a little better.
***
“Can you hurry up?” Starlight asked as I bent over the door to Crystal Prep’s head office, hair pin in hand.
“I’m going as fast as I can,” I whispered back, focusing on the lock and not my girlfriend standing over me with a flashlight. Hopefully no security guards would turn the corner on us in the minute or so it took to pick the lock. “Picking a lock isn’t easy, especially if you don’t keep the flashlight on the lock.”
“Sorry.” She directed the light on the handle, and I went back to work, feeling out the tumbler. “Do I want to ask how you learned to pick a lock?”
“Girl needs a hobby,” I said as I felt the lock catch. I turned the handle and opened the door wide for her.
“Thank you,” Starlight said, stepping past me. “Now, where are those academic records?”
“Don’t we need staff records?” I asked, looking at the rows and rows of cabinets. We’d be here all night looking. Did I even know the headmistress’s name?
“Oh, right,” Starlight said, still moving to the student records. She entwined her fingers and stretched. “While you look for that, is it ok if I indulge a personal itch?”
“Sure,” I said, pulling open the first staff filing cabinet and seeing the long list of everyone employed by Crystal Prep, every name in alphabetical order. I sighed and started at the beginning.
“Not long.” Behind me, Starlight was hunting down the letters, stopping when she reached ‘S.’ She pulled open the lowest cabinet. “I know the name, I just need to pull the file if they still have it.”
Uh-huh. I hurried my search, moving on to the ‘B’s.’ Just teachers and cleaners so far. And did this even matter? Rose, Hoops, Score, they made everyone around them miserable. They made the world a shittier place to live, and we lived under it, so sure, we needed to get rid of them. But looking up old teachers who might or might not have even existed just because? My hand hovered over the next file: Cinch, Abacus. Maybe that was making the world better, but–
“Found it!” Starlight shouted before peeling off into laughter. “He’s staying at Canterlot University, and he went through all the trouble of updating his mailing address with Prep.” She shook her head. “That’s so him.” She looked back at me. “So, Sunset, you want to take care of your principal or do you want to meet my middle school boyfriend?”
I closed my cabinet.
***
“Well done, Sunny,” Starlight said as she opened the bedroom window for me. “Daisy called a few minutes ago to apologize, and I told her it was all water under the bridge, and I’d love for her to sit with us Monday. What did you say?”
I pulled myself up through her window, swinging into her room and standing up. “Just that she should try reaching out to you and she’s not as alone as she thinks she is. But, hey, Starlight, I think we should change the plan.”
“Oh?” Starlight tilted her head and pursed her lips. The ice beneath my feet cracked. “Go on.”
“Ok, so as Flowers go, she’s not the worst, I think she’s doing some growth and self-reflection, and we kind of messed her up. Honestly, some of the stuff she said reminded me of you.”
“She reminded you of me?” She looked down at the duster I”d given her in thought. “What did the two of you do together?”
“Nothing much,” I said, sitting on the side of her bed. A second later, she was sitting next to me. “She tried to teach me how to play croquet, and I realized I fucking hate croquet.”
“You played croquet in her backyard?” Her voice was soft when she asked that question, then she wrapped her arm around me and tightened her grip. “I’m sorry, Sunset, but we just can’t. I know you think Daisy’s sweet, but you don’t know her like I do. If we let her stay, she’ll just undo everything we’re working for. I know it’s unpleasant, but it will only be for a few years. Once we’ve got things stable, we’ll let her go, rehabilitate her, and she’ll be so much happier than she is now. But first, we need to solidify our hold on Westercolt and Colt Lake, and we need to figure out how to expand our ideas, and there’s just no room in that for her. We need to stay focused, Sunset.”
Hadn’t I told her the same thing a few weeks ago? And Daisy did take that photo for Rose. So what about tomorrow? Would she still be nice and sweet then? Or would she fall under the sway of some other asshole and go back to making the world worse. “And we’re not getting rid of her forever, just getting her out of the picture for a while.” Or putting her in a picture.
“Exactly.” Starlight kissed my cheek. “I promise, once it’s time to start reintegrating and reforming the people we captured, we’ll let her out first. She can be our test case for redemption.” I looked at her and she smiled. “We’ll take care of everyone, Sunset, you’ll see.”
***
“I’ll take care of the talking, Sunset,” Starlight said in front of the dorm room, rain dripping from her hair. “You don’t even have to be here, you can just wait in the lobby and I’ll come get you when I’m done.”
“Please, and miss my chance to see the dumbest man in the whole world?” I asked, trying not to be too loud.
“Dumb? He graduated high school a year early,” Starlight said, either not getting what I hinted at or wanting me to be explicit.
“Yeah, but he left you. That seems like a pretty dumb thing to me,” I said. She blushed and knocked on the door.
“Did you lose your key again, Mac?” a high, nasal voice said from inside. “Well, just hold on a second. The door opened, and the guy who broke Starlight’s heart looked… way different than I expected. He had a shock of orange, unkempt hair, an almost emaciated frame, and his skin was about as orange as mine. If I didn’t know better, I would’ve said we were cousins, which I guess is what started this.
He blinked, eyes unsure who to focus on first. “Starlight?” he asked, scrunching up his brow. “It’s the middle of the night. And don’t the dorm’s doors lock?” They did, but we looked like we belonged and just lost our keys. Eventually, a good Samaritan took pity on us.
“I know,” she said, laughing. “But I was in the neighborhood, and I was talking with Sunset here, I said my old, best friend was in the area, and we decided to pay a visit. You know, talk about old times.”
“Best friends, huh?” he looked at me, I kept my expression neutral. “That’s how you introduced me to her?”
“Well, sure,” Starlight said, stepping past him into the dorm. I followed. “Ok, Sunset, Sunburst and I did date for a few months before he got accepted into his program, but after I sent a few letters to him and his parents, I moved on with my life.” She chuckled and smiled. “And for what it’s worth, I’m sorry about those letters.”
“Oh, uhh, it’s fine.” He scratched the back of his head and looked from me to Starlight. “We were twelve, I’m sure we both changed a lot since then.” I shut the door for him.
The smile thinned and she looked at the photos on his desk. A few of people I figured were his family, a lot of friends, and no Starlight. “We did. But anyways, I’m with Sunset now, life’s great, and I’m sure things are great for you too, right? Tell me everything.” She sat down on the lower bunk and looked at him, hand resting over her bag. Resting over the camera. “Or are you expecting your roommate to come back soon?”
Even if he said yes, the only thing that would change was how much time he left. But for a second, I imagined him showing us the door and the two of us just leaving and never coming back to this stupid city. “No, I think he’s staying over at his boyfriend’s house. It’s amazing how accepting Canterlot is compared to Colt Lake. You feel like you can be anyone here and people will accept you no matter what. And did you say the two of you are–?” He pointed at us, signalling dating the way you did when you weren’t comfortable enough to actually say dating.
Starlight nodded. “She really has changed my life for the better.”
“I see,” he said before looking at me, doing his best to convey a warning without alerting Starlight, not knowing how much trouble we were both in. I smiled back, nodding my head, before the two of us turned to Starlight.
***
I sat next to Daisy in the cafeteria for the final time. Apparently, she’d gotten cold feet, so I needed to give her a shove. “How was sitting at the popular table?” I asked her over cheeseburgers. “I think it sucks, but some people must like it.”
“It’s… fine,” she said, taking a bite of her cheeseburger. “I liked talking with Rose. I knew people thought she was this big bitch, and now she’s supposed to be some tortured spirit, but to me? She was just my friend, and she always made sure to look out for me, and I guess I did whatever she wanted, but why wouldn’t I? We’d been friends forever, and it’s hard to throw that away. But being popular? I know you like spending time with me because you like spending time with me, not because you just want something for me. You don’t get that when you’re popular.” Twist the fucking knife, why don’t you?
“Starlight likes you,” I lied. “I thought you were going to call her and talk.” I struggled to swallow my bite of cheeseburger.
“I did, and she said I should sit with them, but I don’t know. Maybe I should just make a clean break and try to be my own person.” She chewed on that, eyes drifting to the popular table. Starlight and I exchanged a look. I nodded.
“Trust me, friendship isn’t something you just throw away.” I gave her one final shove. Every utopia had a price, and we weren’t killing her, just… sealing herself away from everyone she knew for a few years, unable to talk to anyone else or even see anything that wasn’t a white void. She’d be fine. “There’s no harm in just talking with them, right?” I smiled, but not with Starlight’s natural, duplicitous charm.
“You’re right.” We both stood up, and I made for the exit, pausing at the cafeteria door to watch her make her way over to Starlight and Lily. To watch as Lily stood up, fueled by weeks of Starlight whispering into her ear about everything Daisy ever ‘said’ about her.
“You want to ‘reconcile?’” Lily laughed. I closed the door, heading to my locker, and slumping my head against it. We were making the world better. People like Rose and Hoops and Score and Lily, they needed to go, and Daisy? Collateral. It sucked, but if doing the right thing was easy, everyone would be doing it. And sometimes innocent people got hurt, that was life. For the majority, though, we were making things better. Westercolt was way more tolerant now, and that was completely on us. And it completely benefits you, too.
“I’m not a bad person!” A thud rang out as I slammed my fist against my locker, echoing towards where my hallway got bisected by another. I helped Starlight. I saved her from Rose. Would a bad person do that? Would a bad person save their girlfriend from a person they already hated?
From the split, from the cafeteria, I heard footsteps coming fast and looked just in time to see Daisy running by. I had just enough time to notice something orange in her hand before she ducked into the women’s restroom. I sprinted after her, shoving the door open just in time to see her empty a bottle of pills into her mouth.
“Go away,” she said, seeing my reflection in the mirror. “I want to be alone for this.” Mascara ran down her cheeks, and a few pills falling out of the side of her mouth.
“Well, too bad,” I said, walking towards her, my backpack feeling Starlight filled it with stones as some sort of prank. “Because I don’t think anyone should cry in a bathroom without a friend next to them.”
“You’re not my friend,” she said through sobs. “I thought you were, but why would you tell me to go talk with Starlight?”
“Because…” I looked at the Sunset in the mirror standing next to a crying girl. I reached out for her. “I thought she did. It’s been harder and harder for me to really get what’s going on in Starlight’s head, and I thought I could make things better, but it seems like everything I try, shit just gets worse, but believe me, I don’t want to hurt you.”
“Really?” she asked through sniffles. At least the sobbing’d stopped.
“Really,” I answered, holding a hand my other hand out under her mouth. “And I promise, no matter what anyone says, I’m not leaving your side. That’s what friends do, right?”
She opened her mouth and tilted her head down, saliva-slicked pills pouring out onto my hand before bouncing on the floor. I hugged her tight, pulling her away from the pills. “Do you have anymore on you?” I asked. She shook her head, another round of sobs hitting her.
“I’ve felt so alone since Rose left,” she choked out. “And then with Hoops and Score going missing, and Lily and Starlight turning their backs on me, I just felt like I was alone on a boat in the middle of the sea, alone and tossed about by every wave. But now? You’re here with me.” She closed her eyes.
“Hey, it’s ok,” I said, lifting her arm off me and trying to sneak out. “And don’t worry about that first night we met. I get what it’s like, feeling like you have to do something awful because the person you care about most in the world wants you to do it.”
She looked up at me, eyes opening. “You do?” I nodded, looking through my bag and pulling out the camera. Behind me, I heard the door crack open and I knew who was checking up on me. Who was making sure I did what I said I’d do. I looked over my shoulder to see her standing there, watching. Waiting. If I turned, I could surprise her and she wouldn’t know what hit her until too late. I looked down at my camera and took a breath. No time like the present.
***
Starlight laughed, sitting on Sunburst’s bed, her hand resting on the camera bag. “I can’t believe you were in Colt Lake just a few months ago and didn’t tell me. That’s so… something.”
“Well, from what I heard, you were doing pretty well for yourself. One of the Flowers? Never thought you’d be one of the popular girls, I thought your parents would have you graduate early or you’d still be down in the science lab conducting those little experiments, trying to figure out some way to make the world better.”
Starlight smiled and spared me a glance. “Well, I like to think I’m still trying to change the world, but I can do more working with people than hiding behind a bunsen burner.”
“By hanging out with the Flowers. Trying to find out if Rose has a heart? Or Daisy has a brain? Or Lily has a soul?” He shook his head, more relaxed than earlier, even as his time ran out. “I can’t wait to see your findings.”
Starlight clicked her tongue. “So, I guess you didn’t hear that Rose ran away? She left quite the note.” She reached into her bag, pulling out the camera, and beneath it, a copy of Rose’s farewell. “To think all this time, she was so complicated.” She passed him the copy. Did she just keep a copy of the faked farewell letters on her as a trophy? Or did she plan on meeting Sunburst this entire time?
“Wow,” he said, looking through the note. “I didn’t realize she had so much going on in her head.”
“Yeah, Daisy and Lily aren’t taking it too well, I hope neither of them does something drastic.” She sighed. “But you know what I’m thinking about right now?”
“Tell me,” he asked, studying the note, rereading it.
“I’m thinking about in third grade, when you didn’t want to run the mile, so I faked a note from your mom to say your asthma was acting up. I was so good at faking notes back then.” Her eyes drifted down to the note. “Well, I still am.” She stood up, standing between him and the door.
Sunburst dropped the note, standing up, back to the window. “You killed Rose.”
“Is that what you think of me? I’m a murderer?” She glanced at me. “I never killed anyone, I never even hurt anyone. I’m just trying to make the world better, and you know what I realized?”
“That you’re still a fucking crazy person and they never should have let you out of that hospital?” Damn. Also, hospital? Starlight never mentioned a hospital.
“No!” Starlight stomped a foot. “ I realized, Sunburst, that I could solve world hunger tomorrow, and it wouldn’t matter as long as assholes keep stomping around, demanding everything be their way, doing what they want, not caring about who they hurt or who they leave behind.” She blinked, and I could see a tear clinging to her eyelashes. “You were my only friend, Sunburst, and I loved you, and you just left me. And you never even wrote me back.”
“Somebody! Help!” he shouted. He tried to spring to the door, but I stood up, blocking his escape. “You’re really going to stand next to her? Even though she’s obviously only dating you because you remind her of me?”
“You know that’s a lie,” Starlight said, turning back to look at me. “You showed me so much more than he ever did, you opened my mind to the truth. I love you, Sunset. I couldn’t do this without you.” She smiled at me. “Please…”
I gripped his arms, staying on deck as the last lifeboat lowered. “The only way this ends is with your head hanging next to mine the moment you step out of line.”
“Then I guess–” I shoved him away from me and into frame. “I better not be a moron and break her heart.”
And god help me if I did. The camera flashed.
***
Blinding light faded, and I rubbed my eyes, looking at the spot where Daisy used to be as Starlight embraced. “I’m so happy you did that,” she said, plucking the photo from the camera. “I thought for a minute you wouldn’t. I thought you’d choose some girl you didn’t even really know over me, just because she acted a little nice to you. Did I ever tell you, she tried offering me up to Hoops and Score the night of Rose’s vigil? I wanted to tell you then, but you told me it didn’t matter, and I was just so embarrassed.” She shoved Daisy into the deep pockets of the duster, making sure I could never question her about it again. “She needed to go, just like Lily needs to go.” She hugged me tighter even as she pried the camera away from me. “They all need to go, Sunset. Every jerk, every asshole who makes us hurt, we can’t allow them to do that anymore, can we?”
I looked back at where Daisy had been, curled up against the bathroom wall, the only other person who might’ve understood what I felt at that moment, of clinging to anything you could find that would keep your head above water, and I might as well have killed her. “No, we can’t. We won’t.”
I clung on.