//------------------------------// // Prologue: Our Lives are Weird // Story: Undead Robot Bug Crusaders: Unusual Lives // by Banjo64 //------------------------------// It was dark out, with only the slightest hint of the sun hidden over the horizon. And somewhere within the darkness, a horrid, headless form of a pony rose up, its body making disgusting, unnatural noises as it moved. It raised it hooves toward its missing head and… “Horse apples. Ah snapped mah head off in mah sleep again,” cursed Apple Bloom. The undead filly reached back, grabbed her head off her pillow, and put it back on her neck where it belonged. “Ah’m gettin’ tired of doin’ this…” Apple Bloom grumbled. With a resigned sigh, Apple Bloom climbed out of bed and gave herself a quick check over to make sure nothing else had come loose in the middle of the night. Despite how dark it was, Apple Bloom’s glowing red eyes enabled her to see herself clearly. Everything seemed to be where it should be: still burnt black and making nauseating sounds with every move she made. Yet, Apple Bloom felt only a small trace of disgust. It really was amazing what a pony could get used to with enough time, friends, and books on the undead. And almost getting kidnapped, but that step wasn’t always necessary. Satisfied, Apple Bloom turned her attention elsewhere and looked out the window. A lifetime of experience and extremely early mornings told her it was still about half an hour until dawn. She was up a bit earlier than the rest of the family, which suited the young farm filly just fine. She needed the extra time to take her morning bubble bath. It was kind of necessary for her to take one every morning to address the fact that she smelled like a dead body, on account of kind of being a dead body. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! “Gah!” cried Sweetie Belle. Sweetie Belle woke up in a panic as a loud beeping noise echoed in her head. After taking a moment to gain her bearings, she swung a hoof over to turn off her alarm, only to remember that it wasn’t the alarm clock next to her bed that she’d set last night. Though the fact that she heard a loud beeping instead of a bell ringing should have been a dead give away. BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! Oh yeah… Deactivate alarm clock, thought Sweetie Belle. There was a much softer beep as her internal alarm shut off. Letting out a sigh of relief, Sweetie Belle let her head fall back down on her pillow. It was clear that she probably shouldn’t have tried using her newly discovered alarm clock system to wake up in the morning. Sweet Celestia, that was loud. Definitely going to have to change some settings before I try using that thing again, thought Sweetie Belle. Resigned to the fact that there was no way she was going to be able to continue snoozing after waking up to that, Sweetie Belle got back up and rubbed what little sleep remain from her eyes. “Another day. Might as well get up and face it,” Sweetie Belle mumbled. She hopped out of bed and started stretching, the now familiar sound of creaking metal echoed in her ears, but she ignored it. Her manual had stated that the noise wasn’t because she was straining her body, but rather the nano-tech recalibrating as her body shifted. Apparently, regular stretching helped her APP remain properly functional, though how in Equestria basic stretches affected this mysterious nano-tech was beyond her. Sweetie Belle once again cursed the fact that not even her manual would give her all the answers due to that stupid spoiler policy. Still... it kept her from learning why Tartarus spawn were apparently common place in the future... Morning everyone! Who wants pancakes? announced Butter. Like every other morning, Scootaloo didn’t need an alarm clock. She had an older brother that seemed to be allergic to a reasonable sleep cycle. Ugh… Butter! It’s six in the morning! cried Beetle. How many times do we have to tell you to stop doing this! demanded Poppy. Seriously! We have a test in first period today! Reminded Uno. Eh, you were all going to fail it anyway, added Twitch. Shut up, Twitch! yelled everyone else in the clutch. With a long-suffering sigh, Scootaloo tuned out the hivemind and sat up. Dang it, Butter. Now I’m in the mood for pancakes again, she grumbled. Letting out a yawn, Scootaloo hopped out of bed and made her way to the bathroom. The familiar sight of an orange changeling with a purple mane looked back at her in the mirror. “Another day, another case of bedmane,” she muttered. Instead of reaching for a comb, she simply focused her changeling magic. There was small burst of green fire and, boom, her mane was perfect. If by perfect you mean in desperate need of a haircut, I guess, commented Dove. Scootaloo ignored her sister and turned her attention to her toothbrush. With practiced ease that probably would have surprised her friends, she levitated it up with her magic, put some toothpaste on it, and start brushing, while taking special care around her fangs. Pony toothbrushes were far too easy to tear apart with those things. I really need to get around to getting a proper changeling-friendly toothbrush. Maybe I can swing by the hive this weekend, thought Scootaloo. Oh? Is Scootaloo stopping by for a visit? I’ll have to prepare a little surprise for you then, said Twitch with a cackle. Scootaloo quickly decided that the toothbrush could wait. She wasn’t going within two miles of the hive until Twitch got bored of waiting for her. After her bath, Apple Bloom returned to her room to see the sun was now inching its way into the sky. Time to head out and get started on her morning chores. But first, she grabbed her enchanted bow and tied it into her mane. A blink later, she was back to her normal, yellow self. True, she didn’t really need to wear the bow anymore, considering that everypony in town knew she was a ghoul now. But the enchantments helped her literally keep her head on straight, so she still put it on every day. That, and she enjoyed not looking like something that crawled out of Tartarus. Looking at herself in the mirror, Apple Bloom was almost able to convince herself that she wasn’t an evil abomination that spat in the face of all that was wholesome in the world. Too bad the bow’s enchantment couldn’t do anything about her lack of a pulse, or the cold that seemed to grip her very bones... With a sigh, Apple Bloom turned her gaze once more to the Everfree Forest. Like it or not, her fate was tied to that place. Somewhere out there was that cursed town, hidden behind veils of dark magic that would take almost a century to fade. And when that wretched place appeared again… Apple Bloom shook her head. “Alright, enough of bein’ miserable. It’s too early in the mornin’ to be thinkin’ ‘bout how mah curse is gonna affect me when Ah’m older. Ah ain’t lettin’ it bring me down now,” she declared with determination. After banging her hoof on the windowsill to reaffirm her claim, she turned and headed out the door. She had sworn to never let her curse define her. She wasn’t going to start slipping after so little time had passed since making that oath. Besides, not all undead were evil. Her two “mentors,” at least, were proof of that. Now done stretching, Sweetie Belle was ready for the second part of her morning routine. Activate protocol: refresh_2, thought Sweetie Belle, taking care to think the underscore. She’d hit the jackpot when she’d discovered that special little program in the manual. A small shiver went through her body as the artificial fibers of her coat all bristled at once before cleaning themselves to perfection. Her mangled mane flared around for a moment, before snapping into her favorite curls. There was a quick sensation of water in her mouth, which she knew was her teeth being cleaned, and a few other small systems ran to finish the job. And so, Sweetie Belle was clean, styled, and ready to face the day in a matter of seconds. Rarity had been soooooo jealous when Sweetie Belle had shown her this trick. Sweetie Belle grabbed her saddlebags, peeked inside to make sure her manual was packed, then glanced at herself in the mirror. The little robot filly reflection looked back, ready to face the day. Not for the first time, Sweetie Belle couldn’t help but wonder if this would be the day. Was she about to face whatever it was that time had be rewritten for? The reason she was even alive? Or was it still years away, and she was working herself up for nothing? Sighing in acknowledgement that she wasn’t going to find answers in the mirror, Sweetie Belle turned and headed out the door. The door to the kitchen, that is. Like every other gadget in her robot body, using the refresh system left her starving. Once again, Scootaloo found herself wondering if she should go to school without a disguise. Everypony in town knew she was a changeling, after all. And yet, looking at the pegasus that now appeared in the mirror… You’re just overthinking it, Scoots. It’s not like you can’t change your mind in the middle of the day or anything, commented Uno. I dunno. After the whole Scooter thing, I think she might be traumatized. You OK, Scootaloo? Not afraid of getting asked on another date if you try disguising yourself in public or something? asked Dove. Scootaloo rolled her eyes. She was about to make a sharp and witty retort, when she heard her mother’s voice cut through the mumbling of her siblings. My little firefly, you shouldn’t be worrying about it so much right now. Didn’t you agree to not put too much thought into whether you wanted to be a pegasus or a changeling until you're older? asked Blue Monarch. Scootaloo let out a sigh and shook her head. Yeah, yeah, I know. I guess I’m still having trouble of letting go of the idea. I’m just too used to having to worry about my disguise every morning, Scootaloo admitted. Well, we are officially public citizens. If there was ever a time to be letting go of old traditions, it’d be now, added Beetle. Scootaloo nodded in agreement, despite being alone in her room. Beetle had a point. But then Twitch decided to ruin the moment by singing at the top of his lungs. Traditiooooon! Tradition! Traditiooooooooooooooooooooon! Tradition! Scootaloo quickly tuned out the hivemind as completely as she could manage, and headed out the door. Tradition! In the name of the All-Mother, SHUT UP, TWITCH! “Mornin’, girls!” called Apple Bloom as she caught up with her friends. As always, the three of them meet up in the middle of town so they could make the rest of the trip to the schoolhouse together. With Apple Bloom’s arrival, the three turned and started trotting on their merry way. “Good morning, Apple Bloom,” said Sweetie Belle with a yawn. “Morning. I was just asking Sweetie Belle about that alarm thing we found yesterday,” said Scootaloo. “Well, it stinks. You think waking up to a normal alarm bell’s loud ringing is annoying? Trying having it coming from some kind of high-tech future bell inside your head,” said Sweetie Belle with a growl. “Ah well, not like ya have to use it or anythin’. At least we know it works,” said Apple Bloom with a shrug. “Yeah. Plus, with a bell in your head, you can live up to your name,” said Scootaloo with a smirk. “What’s that supposed to mean?” asked Sweetie Belle. “I’m just saying, Sweetie Bell,” said Scootaloo with a snicker. It took the other two a moment to get it. They then replied with eye rolls. “Wow, Scoots. That was such a clever pun. I bet you spent hours trying to come up with that one,” deadpanned Sweetie Belle. Scootaloo grinned, but said nothing. With sighs, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle shook their heads, but accepted that Scootaloo was neither sorry, nor about to offer an apology. At least she was aware of the horrible sin she had just committed. As so, with painful puns still lingering on their minds, the ghoul, robot, and changeling made their way to school, ready to face yet another ordinary day in their not so ordinary lives. Their futures were uncertain, but they were ready to face whatever came their way, one day at a time. Meanwhile, in Manehattan... Babs Seed was staring at her reflection again. She knew she wouldn’t find it, but she still couldn’t help but try and spot whatever it was that had been rewritten during her trip to the future. Did she always have freckles? Was her mane originally a different style? Were her eyes supposed to be bright yellow? “Ya know, you’ve been doin’ that so often, it’s gettin’ harder and harder for me to think you’re secretly a vampire,” noted Babs’ mom. Babs barely head back a groan, but didn’t bother turning to face her mother. She was utterly fed up with the joke at this point. “Ah thought sis was the one who put money on vampire,” grumbled Babs. “Yeah, that’s right. That’s why I let ya spend so much time doin’ it. That pot’s gonna be mine before too long,” continued her mom with a smirk. “That’s just great, ma. Maybe then you and sis’ll stop pesterin’ me about it,” complained Babs. “Now don’t you go givin’ me lip, filly. Ah didn’t raise no punk pony,” chided her mother. Babs rolled her eyes, trying her hardest to ignore her mother’s almost mohawk-like mane, and resisting the urge to point out the blatant hypocrisy on display. Seriously, that hair style was hideous. Maybe she should just get out a pair of scissors and fix it one of these days... “Alright, I’m sorry, ma,” said Babs. “Good. Now get your flanks downstairs. Breakfast is ready,” said Babs’ mom. Babs nodded as her mother turned and left her room. But before Babs followed after her, she asked herself a very important question: When did her life get so weird? … Oh, who was she kidding? She knew the exact moment: the day she went on a week long visit to the single craziest town in the nation. Her fate was sealed the moment she stepped on that train. With a sigh, Babs gave one last glance at the mirror, then turned and headed out the door. At least, whatever had happened, she hadn’t turned into a snake...