//------------------------------// // 16 - Restlessness // Story: Sweetie Belle Gains a Soul // by Bad Dragon //------------------------------// My thoughts had raced all through the night. Something inside me silently screamed. I couldn't relax for a moment. My muscles ached as if I had run a Sisterhood social competition. Resting shouldn’t feel that tiring. My bed had always been a place where I could escape to whenever I felt tense. There was no escape from it that night. Laying there, somehow, only made the pressure within me worse. I tossed and turned in bed, trying out all the positions I could think of. Nothing worked. It was as if I was destined to be uncomfortable. My skin itched no matter how I turned. The silky sheets still smelled of freshness. New bed linen had usually made me very cozy, but not at the time. When my coat slid against them, it felt like rubbing a fresh skin scratch on coarse sand. My bed was the softest one I knew, yet I hurt all over after it violated me throughout the night. I tried wrestling the covers, but it didn’t help. The pressure still poked me no matter how I turned. The bedding pulled me in as if it tried to eat me. There was no escape because I weighed a ton. Every move I made demanded loads of effort. Yet, when I tried to rest, the torture increased further. My breathing was loud and sporadic. I was exhausted, but lying still made me breathe even faster. My teeth were clenched so hard that they hurt. I was trapped. Something pressed on me. Not from the outside—but from within me. It tried to push me out of my own body. The pressure intensified and I got more and more uncomfortable as if there wasn’t enough room for me in me. My body was too tight to fit me anymore. I stretched out my legs, but it didn’t help. Nothing helped. Confusing thoughts had raced through my head all night long. I didn’t even know what kind of problem I’d been trying to solve. There were haziness and chaotic images echoing through the tired mind. My head ached, and I had to make an effort just to think straight. The more I tried to put heavy thoughts to rest, the more they would flare up, fighting to break to the surface. My eyes were wide open, focused on the ceiling. It wasn’t just the blackness anymore. The darkness of the night thinned enough for me to notice cracks in the plaster. I looked out through the window. The sky was turning dark blue. Only the brightest stars shone from the background. It felt as if there was a presence all around me and even within me. Surely, such wasn’t the case. There was nopony in my room when I looked around to inspect it. I only saw my sorry self. Obviously, I was alone. It was stupid of me to feel as if I was being watched. Nopony was there with me! After sitting myself up, I leaned on both forehooves and looked at my bed. It was inviting. I wanted to sleep, more than anything. My body and mind were exhausted. My eyes, however, insisted on staying wide open. I could force them shut, of course, but it wouldn’t help. I wouldn’t be getting any sleep. And even if I would, it would be a short nap because it was a school day and the dawn creeped on me fast. Faking illness to excuse me from school was a possibility. I’ve never actually tried it before. My parents would probably see through me in an instant, and I’d have to go to school anyway. No! Why would I even want to stay under the covers? I did that all night long and it was horrible. The further away I’d get myself from the violating bed, the better. I jumped on the floor and almost rolled over. Spreading all four legs helped with retaining my balance, but the world still spun. I focused my eyes through the window on the distant hills. My vision stilled, and the room stood motionless again. I had no idea where to go and what to do at such an early hour, I just felt the urge to escape. In order to distract myself, I went to pee in the bathroom. I didn’t drink anything before bedtime, so I didn’t really have to go, but I just felt like doing—something. Anything was better than just staring into the air. When I returned to my room I stood in the middle of it and looked around for the next distraction candidate. Thinking of what I could do next with all the bothersome time on my hooves, I looked out the window yet again. Perhaps the cold morning air could freshen me up a bit, I thought. Anything was better than just standing in misery. I opened the door and slipped downstairs. There were no dirty mugs in the sink. My parents always had to drink coffee before they woke up. Therefore, they must have still been sleeping and maybe they weren’t even out of their bed yet. There was also no newspaper on the table. When I stepped outside, I looked left and right, but the mailmare Derpy Hooves wasn’t in sight. It wouldn’t be the first time she got lost on the way to our house. Or maybe it was something more serious… A terrifying thought glinted in my mind, What if the world ran out of coffee and everypony will sleep for a thousand years? I gasped in horror at the realization but quickly made up an outlandish excuse why Ponyville seemed deserted. The sun wasn’t up yet and nopony was out because it was too early. In my mind, I knew that the far-fetched idea was too obvious to be true, but that’s why it’s called wishful thinking. It felt nice and I didn’t even care about it not being true. I kept on fantasizing. Perhaps everypony in town was just waiting for the morning to start existing so they could begin their day in earnest. It would be kind of awkward if they met and couldn’t say ‘good morning’ to each other. I thought about what I would say if I met somepony. It wasn’t night anymore, so goodnight was out of the question. Maybe I could greet them with ‘good twilight’, instead. But what if I met Twilight? Would I say to her, “Good twilight, Twilight! Say, Twilight, sure is a twilightish twilight this lovely twilight, ‘m I right, Twilight?” “Ugh!” A soft poking in my head reminded me that I was reaching the very limits of cleverness and should stop. I knew that if I broke the smartness limit, I could find the answer to everything. If that were to ever happen, it would make everypony sad because I’d be the only one with the meaning of life and they would be without it. “Ouch!” I pressed a hoof on my head to ease the pounding. I wished I could be just a normal pony in bed. But I wasn’t. For some reason, I could get no rest. The nervousness remained, and even distracting myself with myself didn’t help much. The tension within me was still on the rise. It felt as if something wanted to burst right out of my chest. The pressure was too frustrating to be ignored. I had to fix it. The problem was, I didn’t know in what way I could do that. How does one fight oneself without getting hurt in the process? “Aaa!” I broke into an aimless gallop. I wasn’t in a hurry to get anywhere. School wouldn’t start for some time. It was the jitters that forced me to act out. I had to get the uneasy feeling out of my system, somehow. When I trotted around the house the second time, I yelped at the noise I made. The dark prospect of explaining myself to my sleeping, coffee-less parents dawned on me. I didn’t want to deal with anypony; I couldn’t even deal with myself. It was best to make myself scarce. I couldn’t excuse myself, even if I wanted to. Acting on my gut feeling had always been easier for me than making up reasons for doing stuff. At the time, my gut urged me to run. So I did just that. I ran. At the crossroad where the big, ancient, one moon-old alien tree stood, I took a turn and kept galloping toward the center of Ponyville. I leaned to the side as I adjusted my sprint along the main road. Even after passing the town hall, I just kept on running. I felt the sting of sweat all over my coat, my legs tingled from the strain, and I raped every time I inhaled. Still, I pushed on. Both eyes teared up, but I didn’t want to stop just so I could wipe them dry with a hoof. I needed my legs for running. Fighting my body made me feel alive and in control. The more physical pain I was in, the less I noticed my mental stress. The mind was liberated and calm, but the body swayed from exhaustion. I knew I couldn’t keep at the self-imposed marethon for long. At the same time, I dreaded the thought of facing myself again. When I whizzed past Sugarcube Corner, I accidentally tripped myself on a swaying leg. It was obvious what would follow next. Instinctively, I cocked my head to avoid falling on my horn. I hit the ground with a shoulder then rolled over my back. All four legs impacted the ground, sending tremors throughout my body. It turned out to be one of my better falls. Aside from a few scrapes, I didn’t get injured much. My hard hooves absorbed most of the impact. For a moment I pondered how some rare creatures could live without hooves. I felt sorry for them. Every time they took a step forward with their unhooved legs, it probably felt like slamming face-first into the pavement with nothing to dampen the blow. I laid there, still gasping. Dust from the street burned in my lungs, but I didn’t let myself be bothered by it. Sun peeked from the distant mountains and glared straight into my eyes. I half-closed my eyes, defying the warm rays. Relaxing my muscles and playing dead felt so natural. I was relieved as if I just escaped the clutches of a scary monster and made my way to safety. Oddly enough, I had no clue who the monster was. Just then, a figure blocked the sun from reaching my eyes. I opened them wide and focused on the growing silhouette. It approached, waving from side to side. As it closed the distance between us, the details on the grimace became clear. Clenched teeth and dangling ears. Veiny eyes from the front observed me as floppy eyelids swung up and down over them. “Hehe!” was the last thing I heard before the head leaned over me.