Home Again, Home Again, Jiggety-jig

by Justice3442


Chapter 9: We’ve finally got through the entire 1 minute, 20 seconds before the theme song hits!

Sunset Shimmer stood gobsmacked in the middle of her foalhood room, embarrassment rolling over her as she looked at the ostentatious furniture she had picked out in her youth. Furniture plated and leafed with gold that gleamed in the setting sun that flooded the room from massive windows on the far wall. It all might have looked somewhat regal - if overdone - were it not for the walls completely covered in posters. Posters featuring bands exclusively composed of adolescent colts and barely adult stallions who looked like they were seconds away from breaking into song or leaping from their 2-dimensional confines and ravaging whoever was on the other side, or possibly both simultaneously.

Standing next to Sunset was - depending on what was going on that moment, and usually more than one category at a time - friend/partner in crime/the pony she often had to discipline or play parole officer to Starlight Glimmer. Starlight said nothing. She didn’t need to. The clearly amused expression on her face said it all.

Towering above the pair, Celestia beamed with parental pride. “I’ve kept it just as it was when you left!” she announced proudly.

“Really?” Sunset said in a droll tone, as she wondered if her mother escorted her and Starlight right into the room to ensure Sunset’s embarrassment was complete. “I would have burned it as an effigy to a childhood misspent,” she growled.

“Nonsense,” Celestia said in her characteristically melodic tone, “you had perfectly normal interest for a filly your age.”

Sunset scoffed. “Right, except for the megalomania.”

Starlight frowned. “Wait, that’s not normal?”

Sunset grimaced as Celestia paused and stared down at Starlight with a look of genuine concern. Specifically of the ‘I might have a responsibility to uphold here’ kind. Sunset quickly slapped on a smile and let out something that was half giggle, half laughter, and all nervous. “Ha ha ha heh… Such a kidder.”

“Oh,” Celestia said as relief washed over her and she let out a polite chuckle. “Yes, very amusing.”

Starlight frowned. “Wait, did I say something wro—”

Sunset cleared her throat. “Well aside from that topic, my perfectly normal interests were marred by my perfectly abnormal access to anything I thought was a good idea to decorate my room with.” Sunset sighed as she glanced upwards and took notice of the gold leafing on the ceiling which matcher her gold-plated bed posts, gold-plated dresser, and gold-framed mirror. “You really should have torched this place. I mean, this stuff is probably worth more melted than intact.”

Still clearly moved by the bounty of colts giving smoldering looks on the walls, Starlight let out a snicker. “Well, except the wallpaper,” Starlight joked. “I’m sure you can still find a pony who’s still in sync with these bands enough that they’d happily make a back street deal and pay you hansonly for it all.”

“You shut your dirty whore mouth, Starlight Glimmer!” Sunset snapped. “I’m sure if there’s a room out there you abandoned as a wayward youth, it’s just as embarrassing!” Sunset narrowed her eyes. “Heck, maybe even more embarrassing, given you were just a little filly when you decided the world had wronged you, and you needed to express your itty-bitty-filly rage at it all.”

Starlight abruptly clamped her mouth shut.

Celestia, on the other hoof, let out a mirthful laugh before she gave Sunset a smile that was fully demonic. “I didn’t think you’d be so kriss kross about this.”

The conflicting ideas that Sunset was being made fun of but that this was probably actually funny crashed inside the orange alicorns head and came out as a snarl.

Celestia let out another chuckle, but one out of endearment this time. “I still think it’s adorable. You used to spend hours in here just singing… Oh, how’d go…?” Much to Sunset’s infinite horror, Celestia began to sing, “Tell me why~! A’int nothin’ but a heaaaaart-ache!~ Tell me why~! A’int nothin’ but a miiissss-taaaaaake!”

“Mistake-like-taking-us-all-to-my-room!” Sunset said hurriedly as her horn blazed red.

“Now-get-the-buck-out!” Sunset quickly pushed both Starlight and the much larger, cackling Celestia out of her room and slammed the door behind her. This was followed by an utterance of “You take that teen-aged, smoldering look to HELL, Timberlake!” the sound of rustling laminated paper, a ‘phwoosh!’, and then the faint smell of burnt laminate and shame in that order.

Starlight didn’t even have time to process what had just happened as Celestia let out a joyous, wistful sigh. “Ah… that takes me back.”

Starlight looked up and raised an eyebrow. “The fit? The being kicked out of the room?” Starlight sniffed the air. “Or the smell of torched poster that followed?”

“Yes,” Celestia answered simply. She smiled down at Starlight. “Well, let me show you to your room, my little pony.” Giggling, she added, “It’s not as decorated as, Sunset’s I’m afraid.” She took a look at Sunset’s door and smirked. “I suppose you’ll just have to ask her from some spare posters and gold-leafing.”

“Hate you! Hate you both!” Sunset yelled through her closed door.

Giggling to herself, Celestia escorted Starlight down the hall.


With a “Sleep well, my little pony!” from Celestia that was far giddier than Starlight would have ever considered capable from the ruler, the closing of the door, and massive hooves cantering excitedly away, Starlight was finally left alone. Alone for the first time since the day had begun; which also hopefully meant she could get a handle on her assignment, and figure out just how her friendship problem partner could aid her in figuring things out without cratering half of Canterlot.

She took a brief moment to take in her surroundings - a room that was set in one of Canterlot Castle’s many, many towers, which she and Celestia had gotten to after crossing several bridges, going down a tonne of identical-looking hallways and - Damnit, I know what I’ll need Sunset for! Finding my way to literally anywhere! While the room was not nearly as spacious as Sunset’s ‘princess suite’ it did have a number of large plate glass windows set in the rounded walls, several mirrors in between the ornate gray pillars, and plenty of furniture including a desk, stool, dresser, and bed.

Regarding the latter, Starlight wasted no time flopping her back onto the comfy surface and let out a sigh laden with the stress of the day. Still, inconvenient to get to as it was, the room was quite nice. So nice, in fact, Starlight’s thoughts began to momentarily dwell on if a pony like her really deserved such pleasant treatment given her checkered past.

“Psst! Pssst!”

Starlight shot up on her haunches at the sound, her head snapping and eyes widening in the direction of something plucking out a simple tune. On the desk next to a purple lamp was a small, but familiar purple alicorn which was wearing a ballerina’s outfit and spinning to the sound of music from the vaguely heart-shaped, golden music player below. The dancing ‘figure’ was clearly looking and smiling right at her. Creepily.

“Twilight?” Right, right, this was, in fact, a living Tartarus that Starlight was forced to go through as punishment for her crimes, which… to be fair, were numerous and heinous. Starlight jumped off the bed and trotted up to the desk. “Is that you? How are you here?”

“I’m not. I’m still home. It’s an easy spell.” Twilight said with a dismissive swipe of her extended forehoof. “I’ll show you later. Anyway, enough about me. I had to check on you.” Her eyes widened. “Not-in-a-meddling-kind-of-way!-In-a-friendly-‘how’s-it-going?’-kind-of-way. Soooo, how’s it going?” She concluded with a smile that Starlight recognized as a bit too symmetrical and not quite fully earnest.

“Oh, my Mom! Sparkles the Wonder Horse, you are the literal worst!”

Twilight’s eyes shot upwards and Starlight began internally screaming at the sound of Sunset’s voice coming from the lamp on the desk.

“Sunset?” Twilight said, shielding her eyes and squinting as she looked up past the purple lampshade.

“Yes,” Sunset answered as Starlight’s horn glowed electric blue and she took off the lampshade. “The only other pony who’s supposed to be here!”

With another flash of her horn, a glimmering pair of electric blue sunglasses appeared over Starlight’s eyes. “Except you’re not because this is my room.”

“Guest room!” Sunset hissed out as she held the lamp’s light high above her head with one forehoof. “If you recall, this castle belongs to my mom, which makes the whole thing practically mine.”

Squinting, Twilight spoke up. “Er, Sunset? I think you might be letting your return home get to your head just a bit.”

“I don’t recall asking for your opinion, peasant,” Sunset replied brusquely.

Starlight groaned to herself and tapped at her aching head with a forehoof. “None of this is helping…”

“How do you know this spell, anyway?” Twilight asked.

Sunset blew a gust of air past her lips that caused them to flap up and down. “Oh, wow! Now look who needs to get off their high-horse! Somedays you seem to really think you’ve been Celestia’s one and only personal student.”

“Okay, sorry!” Twilight said in a clearly irritated tone. “I wasn’t trying to be disrespectful… unlike some ponies…” she uttered to herself.

“Hah!” Sunset exclaimed. “Losers ‘try’, Twilight. Winners succeeded.”

Starlight could feel the pain in her head crescendo to a near-unbearable level. “Can we please talk about the friendship problem so you can both leave me alone and I can eat an entire bottle of aspirin before passing out?!”

“She started it!” Sunset and Twilight snapped as they pointed their miniature forelegs accusingly at each other.

Starlight groaned. “Look, Sunset and I talked to Celestia and Luna, and well… We think the problem might be between them.”

—“It’s clearly 100% between them, but sure, let’s play make-believe!”—

“Oh no, that’s terrible!” Twilight exclaimed as she raised her forehooves to her cheeks. “I mean, what makes you say that?” she inquired in a more cheerful tone.

—“You’d know why if you spent any real time with my Mom, but okay.” —

Starlight glanced upward for a moment. “You know how some ponies say nothing’s wrong but you can tell something’s definitely wrong?”

—“That’s like half mom’s entire deal” —

“Nooooooooo…” Twilight said, punctuating her answer with a nervous giggle and another not-quite-sincere grin.

—“I take it back, you clearly have spent a bunch of time with Celestia.” —

Starlight tossed a glare at the lamp. “Are you done?”

—“Bitch, have you met me?!”—

Starlight let out yet another groan. “Well, that’s basically what the Princess did when I said there was a friendship problem. Only they did it more, you know, regally.”

Twilight’s shoulders and wings slumped forward. “Oh, I wish I could help you,”

—“I don’t!”—

“But I can’t - both for map reasons and because I have no idea! This is big!” she added in a near panic as she placed her forehooves on the side of her head. “Like, really big!”

Twilight quickly covered her mouth with both forehooves as Starlight gave her a panicked expression.

“Oh, my Mom!” Sunset exclaimed. “Does she ever having you buying into this ‘immortal god-pony’ thing she likes to project.” Smile on her face, Sunset rolled her eyes. “Look, underneath all that, Mom’s just a stressed-out, somewhat neurotic pony who spends each day smiling while she runs around secretly on the verge of a complete mental breakdown, just like everypony else!”

“Yeah,” Starlight said, “except her breakdowns can destroy towns! Maybe the whole world!”

There was a beat of silence while all three mares just quietly looked at each other.

“Wow, we are not a great group to pass judgment here…” Starlight mused.

“No, no we are not,” Twilight agreed.

“It’s fine!” Sunset insisted. “Tomorrow we explain to them what we’ve seen, I tell Mom she’s probably being stupid and everything is likely her fault, bingo-bango, friendship problem solved!”

“WHAT?!” Twilight cried. “You can’t just tell Princess Celestia she’s being stupid and expect everything to just work out!”

Sunset rolled her eyes. “Oh, get over yourself! I used to tell Mom she was being an idiot all the time and…” Sunset paused and rubbed her chin with a forehoof. “No… no, okay. You may have a point.”

Starlight rubbed the back of her head. “Uh, Sunset? I’ve been meaning to mention this, but I might agree with Twilight in you maybe have adjusted to being home a little too well and too quickly.”

“HEY!” Sunset snapped. “Do I come into your room and harass you about the things you say?!”

“YES!” Starlight cried. “You’re literally doing it right now!”

Sunset took a look at her surroundings. “Touché, Starlight Glimmer. Touché.”

Twilight snickered.

Starlight raised an eyebrow. “Oh, like you’re in a position to laugh.”

Realization almost made Twilight go cross-eyed and she clamped her mouth shut.

Starlight huffed out a sigh and turned her attention to Sunset. “Look, tomorrow we’ll spend some time with the Princesses and covertly figure out what the deal is between them then share our observations with them. Hopefully, that’ll at least get them talking. You’ll get to spend time with your family, we’ll figure out what’s wrong, and nopony will do anything insanely rash and impulsive to solve this problem!”

Sunset glared at Starlight.

“What?!” Starlight replied. “I thought it was a solid plan!”

“It is a solid plan!” Sunset begrudged. “I’m just a bit ticked that you of all the ponies in this room, through magic or otherwise, came up with it!”

“Uhhh… Thanks?” Starlight replied. “I think?”

Seemingly relaxing, Twilight smiled up at Starlight. “Well, I’m here if you ever need to talk! Or listen to music!” she added as she began to spin again and the music box played a little tune.

Sunset glared down at Twilight. “And I’m actually here, you know, just a few towers over, if you want to come to and discuss our cutie-mark-map-tiny-dog-ordained mission!”

From behind her magical shades, Starlight gave Sunset a very serious look. “I have no idea how to get literally anywhere from this room, and fear I might die here.”

Sunset nodded. “I know you’ve got a terrible sense of direction and have already informed the guards they need to send someone to escort you to”—Sunset cringed as if it was painful to say the word that followed— “breakfast, tomorrow morning.”

“Oh, thank Celestia!” Starlight cried.

“Hey! Don’t thank Mom! Thank me!”

An unmistakable countenance of envy on her face, Twilight spoke up. “Okay, but I still have music.”

Gritting her teeth, Sunset looked down. “Keep pressing that button, Twilight. See what happens… I can guarantee that everyone loses, but at least that includes you.”

Twilight gave Sunset a quizzical look. “What are you going to do? Sing? You’re just a lamp.”

Sunset clenched her eyes shut and let out an exasperated sigh. “Just remember that you made me do this! I didn’t want to, but you made me!” Sunset’s horn glowed red and a split second later the entire castle began to shake to the sound of “MMMMMMMBOP, BA DUPA DOP, BA DU BOP~”

“AHHHHHH!” Twilight screamed as she covered her ears. “I’m hearing that in stereo!”

“AHHHHHH!” Starlight cried as she also covered her ears. “I’m hearing that in all my internal organs!”

“BA DUBA DOP, BA DU BOP~”

Luna’s bellowing voice suddenly cut into the sounds of a trio of colts singing their hearts out on what was clearly a contender for Equestria’s best entertainment system. “SO ‘TIS A SHOUTING MATCH YOU DESIRE, OH DEMONS OF THE ABYSS?!”

BA DUBA DOP, BA DU, YEAH-YEAH!~

“SO BE IT!Luna began to shriek with a near earthquake causing loudness. “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!”

“MMMMMMMBOP, BA DUPA DOP, BA DU BOP~”

“I SHALL BE TRIUMPHANT! AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!”

“BA DUBA DOP, BA DU BOP~”

“AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!”

Twilight threw up her forelegs “Okay, okay! Message received by me and literally everypony in 100 leagues!”

BA DUBA DOP, BA DU, YEAH-YEAH!~

The music came to an abrupt stop. “Yeah! That’s what I thought!” Sunset said in the most angrily victorious tone Starlight had ever heard a pony speak in.

“VICTORY IS MINE!”

Correction, the second most angrily victorious tone.

Twilight tilted her head slightly. “How old is that song, anyway?!” she asked. “I haven’t heard that since before I got my cutie mark!”

Sunset seemed to briefly consider tossing the bright bulb of light she held aloft at the pony below her. “You know I can see your house from here, right Twilight? While you might think it’s very large and made of super-resilient crystal, but from here it looks tiny and very explodable!”

Starlight grit her teeth hard, as a pulsating vein surfaced on her forehead. “Oh-my-gosh-I-am-so-done-with-this-goodnight!” she shouted as she took both music box and lamp an electric glow and hurled them through one of the large windows which shattered easily upon impact.

WAIT, STARILGIHT,” Twilight pleaded. “GIVE ME Time to undo the speeeelll…”

“OH MOMMY,” Sunset cried, LAMP-ME APPArently can’t fly! This is so sca…”

With a huff, Starlight’s horn glowed again and the broken window shimmered with magic before it was once again whole, all before the two possessed items could meet their fate with the oh so solid ground below.

‘THUD!’

‘SHATTER!’

“Ow, OW! Your sour grape response to my superior vocal skills has been noted, demons! You shall pay for this brutal attack upon my personage!”

Starlight flung herself back on the bed, face down this time, but taking a small glance at the other items in her room to make sure they wouldn’t come to life. Satisfied that she was finally alone she let her mind wander back to tomorrow’s friendship problem and hoped that maybe, just maybe, Sunset could move beyond her past at the castle and find the peace she was looking for.

In no time at all, sleep claimed Starlight. Sleep that could have used fewer nightmares about warring princess and being tiny and thrown into bottomless chasms.


With an “Aaaaah!” and a ‘THUD!’ Sunset fell face first onto her old bedroom floor, which - while uncomfortably hard - was still impacted with far less force than the lethal amount her brain had just been telling her she was going to hit at.

Sunset scrambled to her hooves and placed a forehoof over her chest. Her heart was still racing, but she took a few deep breaths to try to calm it. For a moment, she felt anger bubble to the surface of her thoughts, but it quickly subsided as Sunset realized she kind of deserved what had happened. At least, she couldn’t really blame Starlight for how she reacted, but it wasn’t Sunset’s fault that Twilight couldn’t wait to check up on the unicorn instead of, you know… give Sunset a moment to talk about being home after so long and how it felt like being an anthill with a stick stuck inside it that was shaken around were Sunset was somehow both anthill and stick!

Sunset clambered onto a large, cushioned chair. While the regal purple color and gold trim of the chair blended in well with the rest of the room’s decor, the worn and even split condition of the chair’s cushions stood in stark comparison to everything else. Once upon a time, the chair belonged to a powerful ruler. She’d sit, and snuggle with her adopted daughter as the two quietly read, enjoyed afternoon teas, and simply enjoyed each other’s company. Though, one day it was thought the chair was past its prime and was to be tossed out. After some civil discourse of the hysterical crying kind, the chair quickly found a new home inside the room of the adopted daughter where it lived happily ever after!

The chair that is. The daughter’s happy ending was still very much a work in progress.

Even now, Sunset felt comforted by the chair’s lumpy and uneven cushions, but, as always, it wasn’t quite enough to calm the stampeding herd of thoughts going around in her head. Her Mom and Auntie Luna were clearly not happy with each other, but apparently, their solution was to quietly simmer about the issue until it magically went away, which was so classic Celestia that Sunset could feel a pang in her chest. Still, it’s not like she had done anything but delay Starlight getting to them and made a general mess of everything up to that point…

Sunset glanced around her room and caught her reflection on one of the many mirrors that adorned the room. While usually, her own stunning appearance would cause a brief bout of joy, instead she glared at it and growled out, “What the buck is wrong with you?” She caught several pairs of eyes looking back at her through the mirror. “No, not you, wall-army of teen heartthrobs. Sorry, but this is a problem I don’t think your sexy smoldering looks and feel-good lyrics can fix.”

“Maybe I can help, My Little Shimmering Sunshine?”

Sunset’s heart caught in her throat as anger once again bubbled to the surface of her thoughts, emotions, and face. She turned to glower at an orange lamp. A lamp that Sunset quickly ripped off the shade of revealing her mother’s smiling face as she held up the bulb in both forehooves.

“Sorry!” Celestia began, clearly catching the look of pure rage on Sunset’s face. “But we haven’t talked in so long and you played your ‘feel-better’ music loud enough that half the nation could hear it, so I thought I’d just check and see if—”

“GET THE HELL OUT OF MY ROOM!” Sunset screamed. A demand that became non-negotiable as the lamp was quickly flung out of a closed window that shattered upon impact.

“OKAY SWEETIE, I'LL TALK TO YOU Later, I love you, goodniiiiiight!”

‘SHATTER!’

“OW! I SWEAR I SHALL DEVOTE THIS ENTIRE NIGHT TO FINDING YOU AND ALL YOUR FRAGILE POLTERGEIST MINIONS, DEMONS!”

Sunset groaned, repaired the window in a magic shimmer, and made it from chair to massive, four-post bed in a single leap. She crawled under the thick orange comforter that bared her cutie mark.

Tomorrow… Sunset thought. Tomorrow I’m sure I’ll get my act together…

Her thoughts on her aunt Luna, Starlight, and her mom and how she assuredly was going to do right by them, Sunset passed into sleep. Sleep that really would have been more restful without demon her laughing maniacally and declaring “I’m the real you!” but seriously… What else was new?