The Human Pet

by RushyFiction

Chapter 5

You smile as the dirt path you're on leads you past the apple farm. Since you're no longer busy running or worried for your life, you take the time to gaze at the fields properly, admiring the vast expanse of healthy, strong apple trees, line after line of them, with luscious fruit growing on all. "Sweet." You murmur. It's unfortunate that your path takes you away from the gate and into the wilder-looking part of the countryside. Nevertheless, your smile stays on. You feel like a man on a mission. It's an incredibly small step towards getting you home, but it's a step nonetheless and just knowing that makes you feel better.

As you brush past the overgrown foliage, you decide to make some chit-chat and turn your head slightly towards your right shoulder. "So what's your story? I mean, somehow I doubt bunnies are as hard to find as humans are around here. So how come you're living with our beautiful host?"

The bunny makes a heart symbol with his paws. "You're in love with her?" You shrug. "Sounds complicated." Suddenly, you stop and pick the bunny off of your shoulder, looking him straight into the eyes. The bunny looks back awkwardly, slightly creeped out by the attention. "You understood me. I... I said something and you understood me. How does that work?"

You raise an eyebrow as the bunny starts to flippantly wave its paws around. "What does that mean?" The bunny puts one hind paw over the other in imitation of a human in deep thought and rests his elbow on his knee, tapping the other paw against his cheek. His eyes widened, and you could swear an invisible light bulb turned on over his head. The bunny starts to frantically point at his forehead and make rubbing motions. You squint, the lewd motion reminding you now of... "Horn... magic?" The bunny claps.

"Magic, great..." Thinking of Lavender Lady, you remember her trying to soothe her horn after the headache that performing magic on your phone caused. "But I don't have any. In fact, I think I'm pretty much immune to magic." You sigh. The bunny points at himself and then to you. "Me... you? I don't understand." The bunny repeats the motion and then points to his forehead before shaking it. "You... me... horn... no. No magic. That's it, that's key, isn't it?!" The two of you both grin as understanding is achieved. "You aren't magical either, or at the very least, you're closer to me than they are!" You cheer loudly, only to stop when you hear distant shouting.

Frowning, you turn around and spot two little horses galloping towards you from between the trees in the distance. Though it's hard to tell, you think one of them is the farm filly you encountered yesterday. But what could they want with- OOMPH!

You collapse as a big orange furry thing crashes into you, and trip on some metal pipe to boot, landing facefirst in dirt. As you moan and push yourself into a sitting position, you find your arms full of orange fur, namely that of another filly, whose head is protected by a bike helmet, which she then promptly discards, releasing an unruly quiff of light purple. The little rascal starts gently rubbing at your scrapes with her hooves, brushing off the dirt and avoiding your gaze in obvious embarrassment. The bunny(who'd fallen off of your shoulder in the crash) growls and spitefully hits the little horse on the hoof with his hindpaw, though it has no effect. "Hey, play nice!" You bark. "I'm sure it was an accident."

The bunny crosses his paws and huffs. You got the impression that he did this a lot.

By that point, the other two fillies finally made it. You were right: one of them was the little apple farm filly. The other had a delightfully snow white color and a curly two-toned mane, taffy in color. All three of them help to push you to your feet. The white filly also moves to pet the bunny, but he points his tongue at her instead and quickly runs up your leg and back to your right shoulder. Irritated at his behaviour, you flick his nose, making the little bunny yelp. "Chill out, or I'll stuff you in my pocket."

As you turn back to the three fillies, you see them neigh at each other nervously and point at you, clearly having some kind of a discussion. Finally, the apple filly steps forward and points back to the road where you came from, and then frantically waves her hoof in a "follow me!" motion before trotting off. Without warning, the other two bite down on your pants with their teeth and start aggressively dragging you back towards the farm and out of the forest. "Whoa-whoa-whoa, girls, what is this about? Hey!" Even the bunny joins in by pushing the back of your head to get his point across. "Ow! Jesus! This better be good."

Suddenly, a roar interrupts all of you, and the fillies quietly release your trousers as several shadows loom over them. Gulping, you turn around to face a surreal sight: a wolf built out of deadwood, yet still very much alive and not on any strings that you can see. As it snarls at you and the two fillies left beside you, you see its sharp, splintery teeth.


You pat your pockets and pull out your set of keys, dangling them in front of the creature. "Come get your nom-nom..." you mutter and try not to hyperventilate. In a desperate move, you throw the keys at the wolf, who snatches them in his mouth. Though irises are absent from his eyes, you can still make out a shocked expression on his face moments later, and the wolf starts to claw at his throat desperately, making coughing sounds. As it's distracted by its choking, you grab the orange filly's scooter and start pounding away at the wolf until it crumbles into a pile of broken branches.

Fortunately, it didn't take too long for Apple Buttocks and... erm, Mr. Buttocks(the red stallion) to find you, having been alerted by the little farm filly you assumed was their daughter. The other two fillies slipped out from your grasp and ran to them. You smile with fondness as you watch Apple Buttocks nuzzle them both and comfort the two obviously distraught girls and OOMPH!

For the second time today, you hit the ground from a strong punch to the chest, and this one actually kicks your breath out of you. Gasping for air, you see the red stallion loom over you with murder in his eyes. You try desperately to get up, but your body's still recovering from the hoof to the lungs and doesn't obey you. He raises his hoof again and all you can do is cover yourself with your hand. You close your eyes, ready to get the snot beaten of you.

Two sharp whinnies interrupts the stallion however, and you open your eyes to find that both the white and orange fillies have come to your defence, standing in front of the stallion defiantly and wildly gesticulating and making noise. After a few short minutes, the stallion backs off and you breathe a sigh of relief. Scooter and Snowy both nuzzle and pet your hair softly and you give them a bear hug, ignoring the stallion's twitching at the sight. Still, you're not one to push your luck so you put the two fillies down quickly and start heading back to Sweetheart's cottage, deciding that you've had enough adventures for one day.

Scooter and Snowy run ahead of you, however and block your path by grabbing onto your pants again and pulling you towards the farm instead. Not eager for another fight, you comply and let the fillies lead you through the gate and down into the middle of an apple grove, where a rickety treehouse rests on a particularly large tree. Inside, you find exactly what you'd expect to find from any treehouse - a couple of wooden boxes for chairs, a few pictures on the walls, even a chest of drawers filled with all kinds of junk. You are impressed by the lantern hanging from a rope in the middle of the house, however, as well as the pretty pink curtains on the windows. Heck, the windows even had glass put in, presumably the contribution of the older farmers.

You spent the rest of the day there, playing tag, hide and seek and some other games that you didn't really understand due to the lack of communication, but enjoyed nonetheless just because they did. Like Lavender Lady, they seemed curious about your physiology, and after donning identical crimson capes with a blue sigil awkwardly stitched in, they spent at least an hour fussing around with you, albeit more like girls than actual scientist. This fussing included - attempting to apply make-up on you(you responded by showing them your canines), trying to get you to speak horse, trying to paint pictures of you, trying to mimic your bipedal manner of walking and most amusingly of all, getting a piggyback ride much like humans would ride on ponies.

It was during this last game that you garnered some insight into their personalities - the white one you dubbed Snowy seemed fairly delicate, and loved it when you gave her ear scritches or played with her mane. On the contrary, Buttocks Jr played rough and enjoyed arm- er, hoof wrestling and chases. Your personal favourite, however, was Scooter's reaction when you tried to get her to fly. At first, you'd tried miming the movement of wings with your hands, but when that brought no results, you picked up the orange filly and raised her above yourself whilst holding onto her barrel and then started to walk around and wave her about, imitating flight as best as possible. Soon enough, the filly began to squeal in delight and her little wings buzzed like a bumblebee's so you let go, thinking she was ready to fly.

Turns out, however, that apparently she's not ready for that, though you were able to catch her just in time and patted her awkwardly, hoping she'd forgive you for that. The forgiveness apparently came 5 seconds in, as she immediately raised her hooves up and non-verbally demanded to be picked up again. So you did, and took her outside to minimise the chances of her getting hurt. There, the game continued until suddenly, Scooter disappeared from your hands in a blue flash. "Huh?" You mumble and look around. Something pokes the back of your neck. You turn around only to see empty air and the giggling faces of the other two fillies. Poke. You dash around, but still nothing other than apple trees.

Finally, a poke to the very top of your head. Okay now, seriously, what the hell? Rolling your eyes, you look up only to feel something squiggling between your legs, pushing up so that the ground falls away from you. At breakneck speed. You scream like a little girl and give the only thing between you and at least a kilometer of air the deathgrip. And then stare in immense shock as you realise you're holding onto multicoloured hairs on the back of a baby blue pegasus. Flying at what feels like supersonic speed.

The flight ends... mid-air, as the two of you drop down towards the earth like pebbles off a cliff and you're forced to squeeze your legs tight around the sides of the crazy flying horse to prevent being carried away by the wind. Oh God please, I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die, I don't wanna die... I am gonna die.

At the last second, the pegasus remembers to open her wings again, using them as a parachute to land softly. Softly being relative as you still crash into the greenery of a tree and then get to enjoy your body being scraped by the branches from at least 50 places. But hey, you didn't splatter. Finally, you end up falling into a soft, pink bed and stay there for a while, shivering. When you finally dare to open your eyes, you see the blue pegasus gazing at you smugly from the other side of the bed, her head supported on one hoof whilst the other hoof rests on her hip. The kind of pose that just says: Yeah, I'm pretty awesome, I know.

Fortunately, Daredevil's high-and-mighty attitude is quickly flushed down the toilet when Sweetheart walks in the door, blinking at the hole in her roof. You make an O-face as you realise that the blue pegasus dragged you back home and sit up, waiting for the two flying horses to finish chatting. Suddenly, the blue pegasus disappears into a rainbow blur that speeds out of the same hole she made coming in.

"Shit... the Flash has nothing on that."

Your heart sinks when Sweetheart turns towards you, her eyes full of disapproval and sadness. Yeaaah, she heard about what happened to us in the woods and- oh, wait... where's that snippy bunny?!

For a moment, you tense up, but then you feel something weakly tapping against your back inside your shirt and you pull it out of your trousers, letting the frazzled bunny drop out, his eyes glazed and his walk similar to that of a drunkard's. You look back at Sweetheart. "Errr, sorry?"

The yellow pegasus closes her eyes and takes a breath before pointing down the stairs with her hoof. I really hate to do this, but um, I think it would be for the best, if you took, um, a time-out? I mean, if you think so too.

You slump and walk out of the bedroom, feeling terrible. Still worn out from Daredevil's flight, you collapse onto your pet cot and decide to take a nap. Sweetheart carries her bunny to the kitchen counter and fixes him a fancy salad topped with a cherry. She also fixes you a few toasted cheese sandwiches with tomatoes and carrots for dinner. No juicy salmon this time. After finishing dinner and stopping her from washing any of the dishes, night falls and you head off to brush your teeth whilst Sweetheart slowly blows out all the candles. Once she's done, you feel her poke at your backside. You turn around and kneel in front of the little horse, who takes a bottle of antiseptic and a towel. She then puts her hoof into your hand and gives you a cautious look. This will hurt a bit, but it's okay. Trust me?

You nod and let her clean your scratches up. Personally, although there's many of them, you don't think there's anything worth this kind of treatment(none of them bleed ferociously, after all), but you let Sweetheart do what Sweetheart does. You especially enjoy the loving kisses she puts on the tiniest scrape before putting a plaster on them.

Finally, you're all patched up and you hug your wonderful caretaker. "Sweetheart? I know you can't understand me, but I have to go back to that forest. It's my best chance at finding a way home."

Sweetheart lets out a melancholy whinny, and hides her expression behind her pink mane.