//------------------------------// // 076 - The Dark Tower // Story: Songs of the Spheres // by GMBlackjack //------------------------------// “Eve, do you know if any Flowers or PPC agents are here?” Starbeat asked. Eve sat in her seat at the Golden Joke’s main meeting hall, a book open in her lap, her expression glazed over. “Nooooo idea. It’s not like any of this is in our control anymore.” “Wait, seriously?” Eve examined Starbeat and her group – Alushy, Squeaky, Minna, and Blackjack. “Yeah. Neither Valentine nor I have been able to do anything since Nanoha brought the Flowers in. And if you find Nanoha, I’m sure she’ll give you an earful about how controlling the Flowers are about the whole situation. They’ll send us reports that don’t really say anything, but otherwise I haven’t seen one here since Chrysanthemum.” Eve sighed. “They really don’t care much for us. I don’t know if that’s just because they’re arrogant or because they don’t like our resistance to their methods.” “I’d bet both,” Starbeat said. Eve nodded. “I’m sorry, I can’t help you find them. Maybe I can do something instead of them?” “Eh… Do you know how to get to the Dark Tower?” “The Nexus,” Eve said. “Not the one the Celestialsapiens took from us, the one Corona got stuck in. We even have the coordinates of the planet, though from what Corona relayed about Deep Thought’s observations it might not be so easy to find again.” “And if we go there and don’t find it, we’d be stuck,” Squeaky pointed out. “Charge in anyway,” Blackjack suggested. “Have our own years-long adventure!” Alushy laughed. “…I don’t want to be away from Mom that long,” Minna said, tugging nervously on Alushy’s mane. “Don’t know what to tell you then,” Eve admitted. “We know the Tower manifests in more than one universe, and that those worlds are in the center of the Strands. Unlike moving across the Strands, moving into them is a bit beyond us. And then we’d have to find the instance of the Tower in there. …If I understand how it works. Which I’m pretty sure I don’t.” “Thanks anyway,” Starbeat said, despondent. “We’ll think of something…” She turned around, leading her band of misfits away. “Starbeat?” Eve called. “Hm?” Eve smiled warmly. “…It’s good to see you free. Sorry we haven’t been able to celebrate with you.” Starbeat smiled back. “Thanks.” “And Blackjack?” Blackjack lost her cheerful grin. “Here we go…” “About what happened in the Games-” “I don’t want to talk about it,” Blackjack muttered. “It happened, it’s over, let’s not dwell on it.” “…If that’s what you want.” “It is. Come on Starbeat, let’s go.” They moved away from Eve, letting her get back to her book. The rest of the people in the Golden Joke were of a similar mind – they all felt like they had to be present for such a crisis, and yet were unable to actually do anything. There was little in the way of conversation, creating an ominous hush over the crowded room. “That was mean,” Minna said, glaring at Blackjack. “Yeah. But she needs to get yelled at,” Blackjack muttered. “She clearly doesn’t get it enough.” “Don’t listen to her, she’s upset,” Squeaky told Minna. “Sometimes adults just can’t be nice to each other.” “…Huh,” Minna said, clearly not surprised by this. “We have two options,” Starbeat said. “One, go to the Nexus and hope nothing’s changed. Two, take a Skiff and try to cut into the Strands. Both are likely to take a while. Longer than the Flowers are going to take.” “So the third option is to just wait,” Squeaky said. “You hear that Minna?” “Yes,” Minna said. “Not good enough.” Squeaky sighed. “Question. Why are we listening to the whims of this kid?” Blackjack asked. “You tell her no,” Alushy dared. Blackjack took one look at Minna and decided against that. “I don’t know how Allure does it…” Squeaky muttered. Starbeat shrugged. “Well, if we’re really meant to find it, ka will provide a way to the Dark Tower.” They heard a loud, exasperated sigh to their left. The five turned to see Reverend Glimmer clutching her head with a hoof. “You okay?” Starbeat asked. “No, because I just heard someone say ‘a way to the Dark Tower’ while I was passing by. And it happens to be people I like. People who are going to ask me. People I’m not going to be able to blow off.” She looked at the five of them with a tired expression. “You have the calling to go the the Tower, huh?” “Yep!” Minna declared, smiling. “Can you tell us how to get there?” “I know the dimensional coordinates of the Dark Tower.” “That was easy,” Blackjack commented. “No, it’s not,” Rev said. “Because the Dark Tower redirects virtually all direct connections to a random universe. Dialing the Dark Tower directly is what you do when you want to get horribly lost. You could even end up in the Unrealities.” “I know what my new hobby is,” Alushy declared. “So how can we get there?” Starbeat asked. Rev looked into the distance. “I don’t actually know anything specific. I did leave the Nexus via the Tower long ago, but I never really understood what it was. Still don’t, not really. What I do know is the only people that ever actually arrive are those ‘ka wills’ or something. Which, from what I’ve heard, generally means a long journey. In the case of Corona and I, it makes sense. It took us a while to get there.” Minna glared. “What’s with everyone always saying things have to take time!?” “Because good things come to those who wait, little one,” Rev told her. “You have another idea,” Starbeat said. “Otherwise you wouldn’t have groaned so loudly.” Rev rubbed the back of her head. “Yes. I know of a world where everyone worships the Dark Tower as God. I… take serious issues with the place. But they know about the Dark Tower. They probably know more about it than anyone. They wouldn’t tell me anything while I was there, but they may be willing to help those with the calling.” “So we have to join a mysterious Tower based religion?” Alushy asked. “Sign me up!” Rev shrugged. “Maybe? I wouldn’t trust them though. They’re worse than the Flowers. The Flowers view ka and the Tower as a sort of baseline by which to measure the way ‘things should be’. These people worship it in a very very crazy way. Like, end-of-the-world cult crazy.” Starbeat glanced at Minna. “Taking a kid into the center of a multiversal doomsday cult to find her mother. Yeah, sounds like something that wouldn’t ever be done. That means it’ll work.” “Now we’re talking!” Blackjack whooped. Squeaky didn’t say anything. She just took in a sharp, agonized breath. Rev pulled out her dimensional device. “Shall we go right now?” “YES!” Minna practically screamed. “Get us to Mom!” Rev smiled. “Ah, to be young again…” She activated the device, taking them to another world. ~~~ “Right!” Pinkie declared, slamming her hoof on the solid gold table she had chosen for their meeting. “How was mission ‘learn everything we could about the Collector’?” The rest of her team and Allure started talking all at once. Pinkie facehooved. “Allure, as the current Sixth Ranger, you go first.” “He’s human,” Allure offered. “That metal suit’s hiding a human man. One that’s apparently normal, according to the Collected who can sense such things. A floating brain told me there was no way for him to accommodate as much information as he does with a simple human mind.” “The suit augments him,” Nova offered. “It’s tapped into many energy signatures – magic-based, spirit-based, eldritch-based, everything. I can’t even identify most of the things in it, probably because he’s accumulated a lot of additions to it over time.” “The Collector is at least ten thousand years old,” Flutterfree offers. “He’s been here since the beginning and he’s never been replaced. On a psychological level, he’s got a tremendous hero complex that drives the entire Collection to ‘better’ the multiverse. He came from an Earth where he was heavily invested in fiction – and his favorite stories were what comprised the early Collection. Stargate. Star Trek. Final Fantasy. My Little Pony.” “Of course,” Vriska muttered. “A fanboy. Makes perfect sense.” She folded her arms. “Apparently the Collector’s a nice guy if you’ll let him. The few who can work past his utter dominion over them consider him a friend. Good listener, has amazing thoughts about life, yada yada, standard Mary Sue stuff.” Jotaro looked into Pinkie’s eyes. “He has a plan. He will mention it occasionally, but nobody knows what it is. As far as the Collection is concerned all their missions are unrelated things designed to help the multiverse in small ways. But they believe the plan will come to fruition because the Collector knows so much.” Pinkie nodded. “Good work team! I found out that he’s not Aware. At all. He just has a lot of Pinkies and others who are Aware working for him. A few Prophets to boot. Though he doesn’t have them write things for him that often.” Allure furrowed her brow. “I don’t get him. Well, I do, but at the same time I don’t. I’ve come to terms with the slavery being ‘for the greater good’ and all that, but… it just seems like there’s more to him than that, y’know?” “Fun fact: he’s not that much of a Sonic fan,” Vriska offered. “…Then why does he dress like Metal Sonic?” Allure asked. “Don’t ask me, I’m just here to fuel your internal brain burning.” Allure grunted, ramming her head into the table. “…How does all of this help us anyway? We can’t use anything we find even if it is useful. And we can’t tell anyone because of the stupid loyalty thing.” “Did anyone figure out how that works?” Pinkie asked. Nova lifted a hoof. “I remember hearing something. It’s run by a machine here, in the Collection. I don’t pretend to know how it does this, or why, I didn’t really ask about it.” Pinkie furrowed her brow. “That sounds like a lead. If there’s a machine that runs it, it could be destroyed. At least interrupt the control.” Jotaro raised an eyebrow. “And how are we going to destroy it?” “By accident?” Vriska shook her head. “Pretty sure he’s worked that out already. Rick could have forced an ‘accident’ for his benefit already.” Flutterfree looked down at her reflection in the gold table. “Pinkie, what are we doing?” “Gathering information!” “I know that. But that doesn’t answer the question you know I asked. If we were just gathering information because it’s good to know things, there’d be no problem. But we’re specifically looking for ways to fight back, even though we know that if we find something, it’ll be useless to us.” Pinkie frowned. “…You never know. It might be helpful to know these things.” “I just think we shouldn’t be giving ourselves false hope. We’ll have to be rescued – we’re not going to be able to do anything about this ourselves.” “Gee, way to be a downer,” Vriska muttered. Allure wiped a tear from her face. “Allure!” Flutterfree said, panic evident in her voice. “I’m so sorry that was inconsiderate of me!” “…You’re right though. I can’t do anything to get back to Minna.” Allure shook her head. “We just have to hope Starbeat’s scans worked and that nothing goes wrong after that.” They all nodded, silence falling around them. The door to the room opened. “Hey, I reserved this for a private meeting!” Pinkie blurted. “Why d-” she stopped short when she realized who it was. Lightning stood in the doorway, expression unreadable. “I have reports that you six are asking a lot of questions about the Collector.” They gulped. ~~~ “Second to last universe,” Rev declared as they walked onto a planet made entirely out of giant bones. “…Grim, I know, but it’s the fastest way.” Alushy sniffed the air. “Ah, I love the smell of death in the morning!” “This world has seven suns, there’s no such thing as morning.” “Why aren’t we burning to a crisp?” Blackjack asked. “The heat coefficient is different here,” Rev and Starbeat answered at the same time. “Eggheads,” Alushy whispered to Minna, who had decided the back of the vampire-pegasus was a great place to be. “Eggheads,” Minna agreed. Rev smacked her dimensional device. “Looks like it needs more charge to make the last jump. Give me a minute.” “We can use mine,” Starbeat said, pulling it out. “…Wait, that’s odd, it’s empty. But I always keep it charged.” Alushy took out hers. “Empty as well.” Starbeat’s pupils dilated. She took out a ka sensor. “We’re screwed.” Squeaky whimpered. “The readings suggest giant monster attack,” Starbeat reported. “This world is dead though,” Rev said, working to charge up her device. “How cou-” A skull rose out of the planet of bones like they were a liquid, a tremendous spine the width of a great redwood all that kept the skull rooted to the ground. A soft black haze wafted off the giant bone creature. It opened its mouth, attempting to roar – but it lacked vocal cords, so it produced only an eerie silence. Then it charged. “Who’s ready for Complete Bullshit?” Alushy asked. “That’s right, one bone snake!” She tossed Minna off of her and onto Squeaky. The vampire rose into the air, opting to let her wings transform into shadows. She latched onto the interior of the skull monster’s mouth, driving black spires through its bony nose. It bit down on her, dividing her in half. Alushy didn’t care. She entered full shadow state, tearing through the bone with jagged shadows and teeth, eyes rippling all around her body. “I’ll protect you,” Squeaky told Minna, trying to cover her eyes. “Hey! I wanna see! This is awesome!” Blackjack entered the fray, producing her grenade launcher and decimating the creature’s spine. Where it was weakened, she used her starmetal sword to cut the trunk-sized bone clean through. Its head was now severed from the body and came crashing down to the earth, shattering among the other bones. Starbeat blinked. “Wow. You two really are impressive.” Alushy formed herself back into her pegasus form, putting a spare pair of red glasses on her face. “The correct term is fudgemotheringly awesome.” “…What? No. Never in the history of ever has that been the correct term,” Blackjack retorted. “It is when you’re me! I’m a fudgemothering vampire! I killed a lo-” “Cut the speech,” Starbeat muttered. “Rev?” Rev opened a portal. “Of course it’s ready now.” “It’s how these things work.” “That was amazing!” Minna cheered, hopping back onto Alushy’s back. Alushy rolled her eyes. “Yes. Yes it was. But can you say fudgemotheringly awesome?” “Stop trying to get me to say words Mom doesn’t want me to say.” “Smart kid,” Blackjack observed. “Terrifyingly so,” Alushy agreed. The six of them stepped through the portal to another world – one where every single building was black, tall, and round. Every one was clearly based after the Dark Tower, though they could see the tops of all of them. The sky was a brilliant red on one side, a bright blue on the other. No sun was visible. The streets were black cobblestone, occupied only by a few humans wearing black cloaks with a brown symbol imprinted on their backs: a circle with four sharp lines drawn through it, giving a vague representation of the letters K and A together. “Starbeat and company, we’ve been expecting you,” a man said. He was an elderly human with a significant hunch in his posture, so crooked he needed a cane to keep himself upright. He was bald and his forehead wrinkles were so extreme they almost covered his eyes. “Marias,” Rev said, the name obviously leaving distaste in her mouth. “It’s been a while.” “The past is the past, almost another story entirely,” Marias said, waving Rev away dismissively. “Come, Starbeat, we will talk in my room.” He walked to the nearest tower and knocked the door six times. It opened on its own, revealing a simple, black interior with a bed, bookshelf, cabinet, and staircase to the next level. He took a meditating position in the middle of the floor and gestured for the others to come in. Starbeat sat down in front of him. “Marias… Who are you?” “A reader for the Order of Gan,” Marias answered. “One of many orders devoted to the Tower’s Testament.” “The Tower’s Testament?” “A series of books compiled relating to the Dark Tower and its role in our lives.” Marias smiled warmly, despite his ancient features. “A role you are well acquainted with.” “Just get on with it,” Rev muttered. Marias ignored her, instead taking Starbeat’s hoof in his hands. “You have been cured… But is it really a cure? Or just a different fate the Tower allowed you to take? Were you always destined to come on this path? Was there really a choice?” Starbeat blinked. “I don’t know. Those are the things you’re supposed to know, right?” Marias nodded. “You’re going to be disappointed. The nature of Free Will is one of the largest debates among the followers of the Tower. Is there Free Will? Or does the Tower dictate everything? What is our role in its plan?” A million questions swirled around Starbeat’s head, but one rose to the surface, screaming to be answered. “Marias… What is the Dark Tower, really?” Marias smiled softly. “…The last time I was asked that question, the asker didn’t deserve to know the answer.” He glanced at Rev with an unreadable expression. “But you, Starbeat… You’ve been touched by the Tower, and fought against it. If there was ever a person in this multiverse who deserved an answer to their deepest questions, it is you.” He had the complete attention of all six visitors, including Rev. He cleared his throat. “To truly understand the Dark Tower, we must go back to the very beginning…” ~~~ Lightning sat down at the golden table, putting her feet up. “What would you like to know about him?” Allure blinked. “Wait, what? You aren’t upset?” “Why would I be? It’s natural for new recruits to want to know about him.” Lightning waved a hand in the air. “If I got angry at that, I’d be angry at everyone.” “The bigger mystery is why you’re willing to tell us things about him,” Jotaro pointed out. “He doesn’t have many secrets. Most people aren’t willing to go talk to him, so I’m the source of information.” She looked at them expectantly. “Ask anything. Chances are I’ll have an answer for you.” “What is he?” Flutterfree asked. “A human in a robot suit,” Lightning said, raising an eyebrow. “Though to answer your real question, he is a Gary Stu Self-Insert from a standard Earth, written by his Prophet to be an unbeatable conqueror who gathers his favorite characters and, by force, creates teams with them. He then uses these teams to turn the multiverse into what he wants, over time.” “That’s… concise,” Nova admitted. “Doesn’t give us much to go off of,” Allure said. “…What’s a Self-Insert?” “When an Author writes themselves into the story – usually not the literal version of themselves writing the story, but a character based on them,” Lightning answered. “So an evil or sadistic Prophet, then?” Allure shuddered at the thought. Lightning shrugged. “No. The Prophet is just some kid typing away at a keyboard on some Earth somewhere. Not evil, just curious to see what would happen.” Vriska folded her arms. “At least he has no idea what he’s doing. There are some particular orange fucktards who most definitely do.” Lightning shrugged. “I wouldn’t know.” “What’s his plan?” Pinkie asked Lightning. “Can’t tell you that, it has to be a surprise.” “But you know.” “And for all I know, you do as well,” Lightning said. “The difference being that you are physically incapable of telling anyone about the plan if you do know it.” Pinkie’s left eye twitched. “You’re gooood.” “You’re not the first Pinkie we’ve had here. Far from it, in fact.” Pinkie nodded, sitting back in her chair. “You know we’re the heroes, right?” Lightning nodded slowly. “There’s a reason you didn’t capture us back at the audition, and that’s because our ka was too strong. What changed so suddenly, Lightning?” Lightning looked at Pinkie. “I can’t tell you that.” “AHA! So it has something to do with the plan! Gotcha! I’ll weasel out information from you yet!” Lightning's expression did not shift. Pinkie glanced at Jotaro. He did not offer her any assistance in reading Lightning’s poker face. The pony sighed and slouched in her chair. “Ptooey.” “Here’s my question,” Allure spoke up. “Why does he dress like Metal Sonic if he’s not a Sonic fan?” A small smile came to Lightning’s lips. “He had a friend, once, who used Metal Sonic as a symbol for themselves. The appearance is to honor them.” “…That was more mundane than I was expecting.” “It doesn’t hurt that it makes it easy to keep adding more and more technology.” “Still mundane.” Vriska looked at Lightning and smirked. “How exactly does the loyalty thing work?” Lightning folded her hands, performing an internal calculation. “There’s a machine. He calls it the Catcher. As in, it catches exceptions. It’s what allows the Collector to ensure your obedience without resorting to pure, brainwashing mind control. You keep your entire personality, memories, and other connections – but the Catcher has a part of itself within you, one that continually watches so it can catch when you’re about to go against the Collector. Over time it has gotten absurdly complicated – needing to work in organic, digital, and magical minds, not to mention continually having to evolve to catch loopholes.” “Can you show us?” Flutterfree asked. “Yes. I won’t though. Find it yourselves, it’ll be like a treasure hunt.” She stood up. “There are a few locations in the Collection that are specifically hidden to give the Collection stuff to talk about, the Catcher is one of them. There are only a few places you actually can’t go, like the Collector’s office.” “This place is weird,” Allure said for the umpteenth time. Lightning nodded. “But we call it home.” She turned to leave. “What exactly is your relationship with the Collector?” Nova asked. Lightning paused at this one. “…I am his second in command. And his old friend.” She decided the conversation was over and left before they could ask any follow-ups. Pinkie took in a breath. “Well, it’s time to go hunt down this Catcher.” “Why?” Allure asked. “So we can throw a ‘we found the Catcher’ party, duh!” Pinkie said, rolling her eyes. ~~~ There was a beginning to the Multiverse, you know. Many have spun wild theories about how it all began. The First Universe was one without time, the scientists say, so the idea of a beginning may not even apply. The First Universe was Earth, others say, explaining the prevalence of humanity and the sheer volume of Earthly variants. Still others say the First Universe was God Himself. Or, perhaps, the Sea of Infinite Possibility existed in its nonexistence and for a moment forgot it was nonexistence. The crazy things people delve into when trying to explain true origins. I want to take a moment to remind everyone we don’t even know for sure there was a First Universe. All we know for certain is that there was a First Multiversal Society, and that’s it. Did they come from the First World and create every other universe they ran across? Perhaps. Was there a natural way to create universes back then? Also a possibility. The sad truth is we don’t know, and there is no way for us to know. The ‘why’ will become apparent soon enough. The Story begins not with the First Society, but the ones that came after. We know that there were two Class 1 Societies at the time – the Weavers, and the Builders, the latter of which are sometimes called the Great Old Ones, though this conflicts with the name for high eldritch deities. The Weavers are known, even today, for using their awe-inspiring power to chain universes together into pieces of art. Grand structures designed to bring beauty to the multiverse. It is theorized they are the reason why the Strands are so easy to move through and why the Multiverse is organized into three Spheres in the first place. They brought order to whatever the arrangement was prior. The Builders were different. They were not satisfied with simply bringing beauty and order to the multiverse. They were at the top and were struck, as a society, by how pointless everything seemed. They could do anything, be anyone, create any universe… But what was the point of it all? This was a question one of their members asked all his life. His name was Gan. He finally came up with the answer. The multiverse had no inherent meaning to it – everything was pointless, meaningless, and void of any real substance. But Gan had realized something – in their desire for meaning, they had created meaning. This meaning was not to be found in their lives, but in their stories. Their legends. The worlds they imagined apart from the worlds they lived. Gan was eventually able to convince his entire society that bringing stories to life was the way to bring meaning to the world. And so began the construction of the Dark Tower. While the Weavers carved out the multiverse, the Builders placed a stake in the effective center of what the Weavers were making and called it their own. They built one structure compared to the Weaver’s hundreds of thousands – but it is the most important multiversal structure in existence. Gan knew that bringing stories to life would require alterations to the way things were – a force that would be able to overwrite the predictable, tedious, pointless physics whenever needed to drive the true essence of an event where it needed to go. But this force could not be consistent, nor could it be based off only one culture’s stories – that would make it biased. It had to be neutral so it could create the most inclusive of all possible stories. It was Gan’s genius that created the Dark Tower’s true inner workings – it would not operate on an internal computer, nor a database of every piece of fiction known to man. No, it would tap into the minds of those with the creative drive to build a world. The Dark Tower would take the visions of these people and create entire worlds based on them – and then it would fill in the gaps with what it learned from other authors. Every background character would get a life, every trope would be played out in the background, every tree that fell with nobody to hear would make a sound. The Dark Tower turned a multiverse with no direction into one brimming with stories, life, and powerful meaning spilling over the edges of people’s lives. It weaves everything together. After it was completed, the Builders’ society collapsed. They had put every last resource into making the Tower, and because of it, they fell. They understood it was their creation’s way of telling them their story was done, it was time to make way for the others. They didn’t fight it. The Weavers tried to fight, but they did not know how to operate in a multiverse where ka suddenly existed. There were rules they couldn’t understand, and they failed to adapt, vanishing as well – leaving the multiverse a fresh stomping ground for anyone who wanted to take the torch. Shortly thereafter, relatively speaking, we have the legend of Roland and how he ensured the Dark Tower would never fall, but that’s a story for another time. Nobody is exactly sure how long ago that was in metatime. So long that there have been multiple versions of many Class 1 societies at least, a timescale so vast it couldn’t be accurately measured even in the lifespans of ‘immortal’ eldritch deities. What is the Dark Tower? It is what allows for the impossible. An entire society devoted everything about themselves to create a way for the ordinary person to accomplish things they never could. It creates heroes and villains. It creates magic and mad science. It allows people to see the future – and see the past; at least as far back as the Tower itself has existed. For no true story can be written about a time in which the Dark Tower didn’t exist. The Dark Tower is the center of the multiverse. It has a connection to every universe in existence, giving each one the amount of ka it needs. It shapes the events in every world to have an impact. The Dark Tower provides a reason to live. Its will is beyond our will – The will of the Tower is perfection. ~~~ Starbeat and her five companions stared at Marias, rather dumbfounded by all the information they had just been told. Some of it they had suspected already – but there were parts that challenged their view of reality. “…Wow,” Starbeat eventually said. “Quite the answer, isn’t it?” Marias asked. “You could say that.” “Are you kidding?” Blackjack blurted. “We just learned the secret of the multiverse! We know what drives all of existence!” “A lost civilization’s dying breath…” Squeaky commented. “That’s… all very interesting, Marias,” Rev said nervously. “But that doesn’t help us get to the Dark Tower. It diverts all incoming traffic from other universes, because if everyone could find the Dark Tower it wouldn’t be as special.” “True…” Marias said, scratching his chin. “Let’s move on to a second sort of explanation. The Dark Tower is connected to universes in three ways. The first is the simplest – in every universe, there lies a direct connection to the Dark Tower. One can always try to dial it directly. One will always fail. You must take a journey to a universe where the Dark Tower manifests.” “The Nexus?” Starbeat asked. Marias nodded. “The Nexus is close enough to the Dark Tower that it has a direct manifestation. The Dark Tower appears, as itself, in a field of roses in those types of universes. In theory, anyone could walk up to the Tower and try to enter, though in practice it never makes it that easy.” He looked Starbeat in the eye. “This universe is the third type.” “The third type?” “Not far enough to only have a connection, but not close enough for a full manifestation. Many think our structures are designed to hide the real Dark Tower in this world, but that is simply intentional misdirection to make people think there is a direct manifestation here…” Rev glared. “….Marias, why are you telling us all this?” Marias ignored her, producing a rose from within the folds of his robe. It was the most rose-like rose Starbeat had ever seen. The petals were perfect, undamaged. The stalk was free of dirt and grime, despite the small flowerpot it occupied. The leaves glistened in the light and the thorns seemed sharp enough to tear across reality. It didn’t glow with a holy aura, but a meaningful aura. An aura that captivated them all, drawing them in. “This is a secondary manifestation,” Marias said. “An object or entity within a single universe that is brimming with the Dark Tower’s power. Such things can be useful, to the right people.” Starbeat became lost within the intricate folds of the rose, the way it moved in the air making it impossible to look away. It invited her to the secrets of existence, offering her a reason for everything… It must be protected… Starbeat wouldn’t let any harm come to it… It took some time for her to realize she was looking at a different, less important, rose. She shook the confusion out of her head and looked around. She stood in a field of roses. None as powerful as the one she had just been staring at, but all more than just normal roses. The sky was a moody purple lit by two moons, telling her this most certainly wasn’t the Nexus. But the Dark Tower was there. It stood, rising into the sky, an impossibly tall cylinder of darkness. The doors of the entrance beckoned to her, telling her that her time had come. She lifted a hoof to walk to the tower, an impossibly sharp thorn cutting her skin enough to bleed. She scarcely paid it any mind, only enough to go for self-levitation rather than walking the rest of the way. She reached the door – and pushed. ~~~ It wasn’t really like a treasure hunt. This was probably because the combination of Vriska’s Luck and Flutterfree’s Stand made it possible to cheat through just about every little puzzle, obstacle, or mystery on the hunt, making it decidedly boring. After asking a few questions around about the Catcher, they were directed to a door that, supposedly, could not be opened. Vriska knocked on it a few times, popping it open. There was a maze next that Vriska walked through, first time, without a problem. Then there was a ‘choose the real door’ puzzle that Lolo solved instantly. Then there had been a puzzle box that Lolo also made quick work of. Apparently Revelation worked on the interiors of locked boxes as well. The secret inside wanted to be seen so badly Lolo just knew how to open it. “Good going Flutters!” Vriska cheered, taking the keycard that had been inside the box. Flutterfree beamed. “Aw, thanks.” “Wonder if we’ll get a puzzle you two can’t solve next,” Nova muttered. Jotaro shrugged, indicating that he didn’t particularly care that he wasn’t needed to solve the puzzles. Vriska slid the keycard into the next door. The vault-like chunk of metal in the wall whirred internally, dispelling its invulnerability and opening for them – revealing another room with a locked door on the other end. Allure groaned. “How long does this go on?” “Enough,” Vriska said, strolling in with a big smile. She began to search the room, looking for any clues or puzzle objects. She found none. “…Huh. Yeah, I still have decent amounts of luck, I should be able to see something.” Flutterfree sent Lolo across the room – finding nothing hidden. “Weird.” Pinkie bounced up to the exit door, pressing her face to it. “Hrm… Quite a poser, this one. The door has no reader, no handle, no puzzle lock…” Nova scanned it. “Also no invulnerability spell.” Jotaro adjusted his hat. “Tch.” He summoned Star Platinum and began to whale on the door. “ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA ORA!” The foot-thick chunk of reinforced metal began to cave, buckling under the Stand’s impressive strength. It opened before it finished caving, revealing the face of Rick. “You only have to knock once, retard.” “Rick!?” Vriska blurted. “What are you doing in the treasure hunt!?” “I’m not,” Rick said, grunting. “I’m at the Catcher.” He threw his arms wide, gesturing at the large room they were in. Every surface was covered in an almost black metal, including the pillar in the center. Said pillar would pulse blue every few seconds, revealing complex circuitry along the outside. “Behold, the brainwasher,” Rick said. “Pat yourselves on the back for working out all those childish puzzles. Now realize your only reward is to look at the instrument of your own hell.” “Gee, you’re cheery,” Nova observed. Rick sat down in a beach chair, pulling a device out of his labcoat that summoned a bottle of beer. He drank and burped. “What do you expect? Me to suddenly gain the ability to smile at everything because, I’m a fucking slave? Or maybe I should feel happy about cheating my way through all those puzzles, huh? Or, here’s a kicker, I know exactly how to destroy this thing and what it will do!” Rick laughed. “See, he apparently designed it with a weakness in mind, just to taunt us. Either that or he’s an absolute fuckwit. You see that area at the base I’ve outlined with red spray paint?” Allure walked over to it and poked it with her hoof. “Yeah?” “Shoot that with enough power and the entire thing comes crashing down. Boom. No more loyalty program.” Jotaro curled his fist. “Yare yare daze…” “It’s right there!” Nova shouted. “Right there! The solution! And we can’t. Do. Anything!” “AUGH!” Pinkie yelled, ramming her face into a wall. “Just… Why can’t we catch a break?” Rick burped. “Because you’re part of the Collection now, shitheads. Get used to the constant feeling of powerlessness. I hope you like being absolutely dominated because that’s how things work around here.” Nova glared at him. “You are a terrible human being.” “What a stunning revelation,” Rick deadpanned. He put on a pair of sunglasses and leaned back in his chair. “If you want to make it even worse, I have some doomsday weapons in my lab next door. You can point them at that spot to try and make yourselves feel better.” Nova twitched. “Oh, here’s another idea! How about you use them to break into the Collector’s office? Or into the ‘uncontrollables’ room that’s just a little ways below us? Oh wait, we’re not allowed in those places.” He spread his hands wide. “So you can’t even start the plan to get to them!” He launched out of his chair and threw his sunglasses away. “Do you understand how truly fucked up this is yet!?” Allure stared at him, tears in her eyes. “…We got that already, Rick.” “I don’t think you did, because you’re still romping around trying to be little escapee heroes! Let me tell you something – there were no real heroes out there, it was all fake! Everything was just a pathetic lie you told yourselves. You’re not ‘heroes’, there’s no such thing. The difference between a hero and a slave to the Collector is nothing. Give it up. Your life was pointless before and now it’s hell. Take a good, long look.” “...You miss Morty, don’t you?” Flutterfree asked. “If I needed a Morty in here I would just order an alternate version,” Rick said. “But there’s nothing to hide from here, so who cares?” Flutterfree blinked. “You’re… You’re not kidding! What in the name of Celestia is wrong with you!?” “Many things. Sentimentality ain’t one of them,” Rick said. Vriska cracked her knuckles. “You’re about to have a whole lot of problems…” Rick pulled a gun out from under his chair and shot Vriska. The Catcher didn’t allow lethal force, but luckily Vriska was conditionally immortal. Her vaporized dust congealed back into a solid form after a few seconds. “F-fuck…” “You threaten the Rick, you don’t get burned, you just die,” Rick declared. “This thing has a nonlethal setting for the rest of you contemplating making a move on me. A nonlethal setting that makes you eject every fluid in your body out of every orifice until you wish you died.” Pinkie looked at Rick with sad eyes. “Let’s go, girls. We aren’t wanted here.” “No shit,” Vriska muttered, glaring at Rick. She turned tail and followed Pinkie out of the room. Rick returned to sitting in a dark room with his sunglasses on. ~~~ Rev grabbed Marias’ collar in her magic. “What did you do to Starbeat!?” Blackjack added a gun pressed to Marias’s head while Alushy flashed her fangs. Marias smirked. “As we predicted, she was chosen to make the journey to the Dark Tower.” “But what about Minna?” Squeaky blurted. “She’s the one who needs to find her mother!” “Banking on one plotline for a result is a dangerous thing,” Marias said. “Fate may have chosen another for the task. It may turn out not to really be the child’s story. In fact, it will turn out to not be any of your stories.” Rev started to sweat. “Marias…” “Starbeat was the only one who deserved to know. The rest of you are in possession of knowledge you are not meant to have.” “Everyone out of here!” Rev blurted, readying a teleport spell. A magic nullification field swept through the room, cancelling the spell. Marias grinned, drawing a ceremonial knife. “You all end here.” Blackjack cut Marias’s head in two with the starmetal sword. “Yeah, not everything uses magic, bucko.” She quickly handed a gun to each of her companions save Minna. “You know how to fire guns, right?” “Bit-design?” Squeaky asked, turning the shotgun around in her hooves. “Unicorn, actually, but it has a retractable bit you can put in your mouth in emergencies like this,” Blackjack offered. “Isn’t the best, but it’ll do.” Alushy took her dual pistols out of her red coat, tossing Blackjack’s gun back to her. “I’ll just use my preferred method of execution, thank you. It’s killin’ time.” “Minna, close your eyes,” Squeaky said as she cocked the shotgun. “I’m going to watch every blood-soaked minute of this.” “I was afraid of that…” Rev looked at the gun in her hooves. For a moment, she contemplated using it. Then she tossed it to the side. “I have more than just magic I can use.” She made a cross motion in the air, her necklace taking on a white glow. “They haven’t cancelled Divine eldritch esoteries.” Alushy kicked the doors of the room down, ready to take on anything. There was nobody out there. Not only were the streets empty, but there wasn’t even a city around them. “What the freshly squeezed hellfruit?” Alushy wondered. She turned around – Squeaky, Minna, Rev, and Blackjack were still with her, but there was no building behind them. It was as if the city had just vanished. Rev narrowed her eyes, looking around nervously. “What I wouldn’t give for Lolo right about now.” Blackjack pulled out her dimensional device. “Of course, blocked. YOU CAN’T KEEP US STUCK HERE FOREVER!” “They might try,” Squeaky pointed out. “Even without magic, we’re not exactly weak.” “They want us dead for our forbidden knowledge,” Rev reminded her. “They’ll kill us ritualistically if they can.” The world around them rumbled. Brown, flat creatures began to rise from the earth, each taking the form of one of the five of them. Alicorn, unicorn, pegasus, or human girl. The number of these brown creatures just kept increasing and increasing, quickly reaching numbers so high they could not be counted. Alushy narrowed her eyes. “We’re fucked.” All the Blackjack-copies fired their guns at the five tributes. Rev’s necklace flashed, a white aura surrounding all five of them. All attacks either missed or deflected off harmlessly. She entered a kneeling pose, trying to keep the holy barrier up. She knew it wouldn’t last forever, but she had no idea how long. …The problem was, if her allies started killing and it was deemed an unholy act, the barrier would likely be cancelled. She had no idea if the brown creatures in front of them were people or not… Alushy started shooting. “Incoming breakfast!” Rev felt her barrier weaken. “Alushy, acts of viole-” “STOP!” Minna shouted, holding her hand high. Blood dripped from her wrist, accentuating the color of the object she held in her hand. The rose. The brown creatures kept shooting. Some began to move in, ready to physically take the rose. Minna put her other hand over the rose, preparing to crush it. “I’ll destroy it! Don’t think I won’t!” They kept coming. Minna pulled a petal off the rose. In response, the universe trembled, a small crack appearing in the ground beneath them. The shriek of reality made all the ponies feel like they had to protect the rose from Minna. They couldn’t let her destroy it! Minna cupped her hand around the top of the rose. “Move and I crush it.” Alushy, Rev, Blackjack, and Squeaky froze. An acolyte of the Order of Gan – a woman in black robes – appeared as if from nowhere. “Child, you cannot harm the rose.” “Yes I can,” Minna said. “And I will. Unless you let us go.” “Child…” “LET ME GO!” Minna shouted, pressing her hand down on the rose. The universe wobbled like a marble in a cup. “LET ME GO TO MOM!” “Return the rose and we’ll talk about it…” “Portal first,” Minna demanded. The acolyte stared at her, dumbfounded. “How can you do this? The rose demands that all protect it! You can’t fight its importance!” “Mom’s more important than this dumb rose!” The acolyte stared at her in fear. “What… are you?” Minna glared at her, refusing to answer. “Portal. Now.” The acolyte nodded, allowing magic to return to them. Rev was able to charge up her dimensional device and dial out. Minna tossed the rose to the ground. Such brazen disregard for a holy artifact made the acolyte scream in agony – but the rose itself suffered no damage from the drop. They appeared back on the world of bones. Nobody tried to follow them. “H-how did you do that!?” Rev asked Minna. “I’m not sure if even I could have harmed the rose!” “…It was just a rose,” Minna said, confused. “What’s so hard about crushing a flower?” The four of them stared at her in fear – including Alushy. They were unable to fathom how anyone couldn’t understand the importance of the rose. Rev wordlessly opened another portal. “Wait! What about Mom?” Minna demanded. “Starbeat made it through,” Rev said. “She’ll find her for you.” “…Are you sure?” Rev tried to look at Minna with a calming expression – but her nerves got the better of her. “Y-yes.” “What’s wrong?” Minna asked. Nobody would tell her. They moved through the portal, leaving the bone world behind. They didn’t see two men standing on top of a nearby skull. “An interesting child, wouldn’t you say?” Randall Flagg asked, turning to the other man. The Doctor furrowed his brow. “She’s like you.” “Us, you mean,” Flagg corrected. “She can see pure beauty distilled to perfection… And not care.” The Doctor didn’t retort. “The best part is I have literally no idea where she came from!” Flagg spread threw his arms wide. “Isn’t that an exciting prospect Doctor? A mystery in the form of a child!” “Stay away from her.” “Naturally. Merodi Universalis beat me once already, I’m not going to tempt fate just yet.” He held up Black Thirteen. “But their fate sure is an interesting one… Always changing, shifting, but always powerful. The Tower has played exceptionally nice with them.” “You would know how rare that is.” Flagg laughed. “Sometimes, Doctor, I almost think you know me.” He twisted Black Thirteen in his hand – and was gone. The Doctor simply walked away. ~~~ The doors of the Dark Tower slammed shut. Starbeat was alone, though this fact did not surprise her in the slightest. Here she was. Inside the structure that had given her so much hell through the years. The reason she’d been cursed until earlier that day. And yet… she couldn’t bring herself to hate the thing she was standing in. The air calmed her, made her feel a strange reverence for life and existence. It was definitely manipulating her to feel this way. She knew it. But it wasn’t like she could fight it. She started walking up the spiral staircase, feeling the material of the Tower beneath her hooves. She suddenly understood what Lieshy had told her – that it felt like flesh, but not a normal kind of flesh. Starbeat was certain the steps she was walking on were alive and breathing, but she couldn’t tell anyone why she was sure of that. The stairs weren’t moving, and they didn’t feel like flesh. They didn’t feel like stone either… The Dark Tower… It was built on the corpses of Gan and his people. Was it literally made out of their bodies? Or was it a metaphor the Tower had brought to life after the fact? Was the tower Gan? Or was it separate? These questions tickled the back of her mind, but answers were not forthcoming. She was left to flounder in her mind, searching for answers with but a taste of the real information contained within the center of existence. She came to the first door and opened it. The day her Sunburst moved away. …Had that not happened, she knew she would never have declared war on the love curse. She would have been enthralled by it… Perhaps had one of the rare relationships that lasted a lifetime. But he moved away, and she slowly went mad internally… Moving to the next door, she looked out over a field of roses. She closed the door – it wasn’t where she needed to be. As she climbed further, the life of the Tower urged her forward, begging her to continue her journey. A journey that she was so lucky to be able to take. Or perhaps it was a journey she had been taking her entire life? She didn’t know. What she did know was the next door held the day she had gotten her cutie mark. She felt a ‘click’ with someone – a gray colt named Stormfly. It was a brilliant, powerful spark between the two of them. She rejected it, gaining the cutie mark of a falling spark – a rejection of the ‘brilliance’ of her world’s love. How stupid was that? She moved on, leaving yet another question unanswered. The moment she got her goggles came next. She had custom made them herself because she wanted something to do other than panic about moving around in public. Other than study the curse to no end. Then Eve and her team had come… They had saved her. Took her away from her home, gave her a lab, and allowed her to do what she wanted. There was the memory of her killing Cream, even though she didn’t really do that. There was the memory of her meeting Vriska… of Vriska giving her the diamond card… of Vriska and her laughing about their days together… Tears dropped down her face. “I’m coming for you,” she promised. She increased her pace, trotting up more and more stairs. But she couldn’t bring herself to levitate the rest of the way up – there was something about the journey that mattered. She opened a door to see herself getting cured. She closed it quickly, moving to the next one. If Lieshy’s retelling of her time in the Tower was right, this one would be… “Right,” Starbeat said, looking at herself opening a door. “Well, nice seeing you self, bye now.” She closed the door in her face. She looked at the next door. Her future lay behind that one. But she knew it would not be one she could change. The Dark Tower didn’t just show a possible future, it showed an absolute future. She trotted past all the doors, rising higher and higher into the Tower. She lost track of everything – steps, passage of time, number of doors – but she didn’t care. She needed to get to the top of this. She needed to see it. She arrived at the last door. It was much bigger than all the others, and the knob was shaped like a rose mixed with a starburst. One word was engraved on the door. STARBEAT Starbeat knew that, when she went through this door, she would go to where she needed to go. But she wasn’t going to walk through right away – she was going to open it and look into the room at the top of the Dark Tower. She was going to see what Lieshy had only caught a glimpse of. The mechanisms. The room on the other side was round, and the walls were covered in symbols of every shape and kind. She saw symbols she recognized from Vriska’s and Aradia’s outfits, what she swore were cutie marks, numerous greek letters, and in a few places that appeared to be copies of Lai runes. She had no idea what the carved symbols meant, if anything. In the center of the room was a round, gray podium. Above this podium was an eternally-shifting white spirograph that could never decide on a shape, but was brimming with energy. The Source. Behind the Source was a tall grandfather clock that sat still, unticking, the large pendulum motionless. The top of the clock contained a spirograph symbol, though it was static unlike the Source. Starbeat was filled with dread for reasons she didn’t understand. All she knew was that the clock should never start ticking. Ever. She knew she wasn’t going to get anything more out of looking at the room. She would have to enter – and she wasn’t going to be let in. She may have been chosen, but she wasn’t chosen for that high of an honor. She stepped through the doorway… and appeared in the Plaza of the Collection. She grinned. Success. Even better, she saw Vriska and the rest of them walking nearby. “Hey!” she called, waving at them. “Starbeat!?” Vriska blurted. Starbeat grinned, tackling Vriska to the ground in a hug. “Yep! It’s me!” She tossed her mane. “Notice anything different about me?” Pinkie gasped. “YOU GOT A HAIRCUT!” Starbeat rolled her eyes. “…No.” Vriska looked at Starbeat’s front hoof. “…You don’t have your bracelet on.” “That’s right! I don’t need it anymore!” Vriska blinked. “You… Were cured?” “Yep! No more bad romance, no more drive to kiss everything that moves! I’m just a unicorn in goggles now.” Vriska laughed joyously. “Starbeat, I… how?” “Flowers. We got a ka-signature of the Collector and gave it to a bunch of beings who like to take out things like him. As a gift, they cured me.” She clapped her hooves together. “Of course then you got captured,” Pinkie said. “Yeah. Collected,” Starbeat lied. “Looks like I’m here now until they figure out where exactly here is. It’s not the easiest place to find.” “Not surprising,” Flutterfree admitted. “Well, while we’re waiting, let’s throw a party!” Pinkie shouted. “The Starbeat is cured party! Woohoooooooo!” “Yeah. I’d like that,” Starbeat said, smiling. “Oh, and Allure?” “Yeah?” “Your daughter really is something. She’s got Alushy doing her bidding trying to find you.” Allure blinked. “Excuse me while I have a freak-out of both pride and panic.” “I understand. Take your time.” They all had a good laugh at Allure’s hyperventilation. Starbeat smirked. Of course, the Flowers aren’t going to have difficulty for much longer… The whole point of coming here was to tell them where it was. My ka beacon is more than enough to lead them right here… ~~~ “Ka beacon transmission detected!” Thanos reported, ramming his fists into a console. “Someone got here!” For once, the Collector was surprised. “Already?” “Yes. It only existed for a moment, we couldn’t pinpoint it’s location… But I’ll find them soon.” “Don’t bother,” the Collector said. “We were already prepared for the assault. If it happens now or two days from now, it doesn’t matter.” “We haven’t had time to prepare the Collection!” “Some of our best agents are out on missions,” Lightning pointed out. “Recall everyone you can,” the Collector said. “The instant any Flower presence actually shows up, Bill will activate the weirdness bubble. Double check our ka output to make sure everything’s feasible.” Thanos nodded, moving to a console and pressing his hand to it, interfacing directly. The Collector curled his hands into fists and rubbed his knuckles together. “You’re nervous,” Lightning observed. “Of course I’m nervous, the plan’s moving faster than expected.” “No plan survives contact with the enemy.” “I know,” the Collector muttered. “I’m beginning to wonder if it’s really worth it… first Them, now something I didn’t see coming accelerating the clock… Are we really ready?” Lightning stared at him. “You’ve already committed.” “…Yes. I know. I know.” “I won’t let you stop now, you know that.” The Collector nodded slowly. “Right… We go ahead with what we have. Time is meaningless, more or less, right? In some cases anyway.” He shook his head. “Go, prepare our star agents for the inevitable attack. Leave out the Merodi. I’ll let them be surprised.” Lightning nodded, jogging away from his sights. He rubbed his knuckles together again. “Achieving victory always calms me down,” Thanos offered. “Thanks,” the Collector said. “It doesn’t do as much for me though. Perhaps because I’ve been doing it for so long.” He shook his head. “Just keep analyzing. They’ll be here very soon. Actually, come to think of it, they’re likely going to pull a ‘we were here already’ on us with those plot holes of theirs.” “We have a contingency for that.” The Collector nodded. “Yes. It’s still going to be confusing though.” “No argument here.” ~~~ Flowers didn’t generally make their own ships. There were a few organic constructs they used to get around their local worlds, but their military was largely composed of ships they ‘found’ from other worlds upgraded with the best Flower technology available. Star Trek was the most popular, since it was one of the favorites among PPC agents. There were so many Enterprises in the fleet it wasn’t even funny. Jay, one of the most well-known members of the Department of Mary Sues, sat on the bridge of the flagship Enterprise – a version of the Enterprise-D from an alternate universe where it had three warp nacelles. A somewhat rare find in the multiverse, and Jay loved it. Well, had loved it. She also had loved the assignment the Sunflower Official had given her when she heard about it. “Acacia, what did you expect when you agreed to lead a fleet against a Gary Stu?” “Explosions,” Jay’s partner, Acacia said. “Right. You know, I really think we would have found some explosions by now. Except we haven’t. We’ve been sitting here jumping from universe to universe in this merry-go-round of mindscrewery, getting nowhere. I want a good fight!” “It’s still going to be a few days until we process everything,” Acacia reminded her. “That sucks,” Jay muttered. “Biggest mission in recent history. Most of it spent waiting.” “Good things come to those who wait,” Acacia said, dropping a data pad in front of Jay. “We’ve just picked up a transmission from someone. It was only for a moment, but it’s enough. We’ve got a complete trail to the Collection complete with its dimensional signature. Even if he starts moving it around, we’ve got him.” Jay stood up tall. “What are we waiting for? Call Upstairs, send a message to those people who told us about him, and activate the plot hole! Prepare all weapons – and tell those bozos in the Imperium Warship to stop being drunk and start being ready for war!” Acacia smiled. “Sure thing.” Jay grinned. “All right little Collector, your reign of terror on the Plot Continuum is over. Justice has come to your doorstep, demanding payment for all you’ve done. You can’t run from it, you can’t hide from it, and you’ll definitely suffer for it.” “Really? I was thinking I could do all of those things and more. Say, fight it.” Jay and Acacia whirled to see a hologram of the Collector on their ship. “I hate it when you guys do this,” Jay muttered. “Can you evil-Sue types stop with the need to monologue for once in your lives?” “I doubt it,” the Collector admitted, folding his arms. “I also doubt it’ll be as simple as you want.” Acacia held a data pad in front of the Collector’s face. “Here’s your charges in case we don’t have time to read them aloud to you later.” “Murder, enslavement, disruption of the multiversal fabric, being a heartless bas-” he stopped short. “Quite the list here.” “Don’t forget ‘being an Overpowered Cheating Self-Insert Gary Stu’,” Jay said. “We’re coming for you, Collector. And your little dog too!” Acacia and the Collector facepalmed. “Just activate the plot hole.” The Collector nodded. “I look forward to this. I would ask for an honorable fight, but neither of us are going to do that. So instead, I’ll just let you know how I respect what you do – but that I must disagree with your need to remove me. Sorry it has to be this way.” “Stop being so polite,” Jay muttered. The Collector shrugged, vanishing. Jay curled her hand into a fist. “Why isn’t that plot hole activated!?”