//------------------------------//
// Chapter 9: Holding Nothing back 
// Story: A Giant Adventure to Equestria 
// by ThePinkedWonder 
//------------------------------//

I tried to fess up, and badly failed, to Twilight and the others at Twilight's castle (except Starlight, who was off somewhere) about how much I really knew about them. Twilight got carried away when I kept stuttering, shook me with her magic to try to get me to keep talking, and accidentally hurt my arm. It wasn't anywhere close to a serious injury, but It was enough to make me panic. After that, Fluttershy got me out of there, away from Twilight, and took me to her cottage so I could calm down.

Starlight, not yet knowing what happened, came to Fluttershy's cottage by pure luck, and saw me really shaken up. I decided to fess up to them, and they both believed me. But Starlight had some info of her own.

Starlight rolled her eyes up trying to remember something, then turned them to me. "What you said, Eric, sounds like something I read about with my friend Sunburst when I was still a filly."

"Whoa, really?" I asked. "What is it?"

"Well, I don't remember everything about it, but it was something about the idea of other universes, or a 'Multiverse' I think it's called. And that some beings in one universe could subconsciously be aware of those in another."

Fluttershy put a hoof on her face. "Really, Starlight?"

"Yeah! I bet that's how she and these 'writers' in Eric's world knew about us and Equestria, and why they created this 'cartoon' about us."

"Hmm. I guess that's how you and Equestria exist, while everyone in my world thinking it's a made-up place."

This would also explain why in my world, despite MLP fans truly thinking that these "characters" didn't exist, many of us could still get in arguments over them like we were arguing over real beings. I always thought it was kinda silly, even though I did it sometimes too. But, it turns out that deep down, we KNEW they were real, and that was what made us be so passionate about the ones we really liked! Now it doesn't feel so silly when I did it over Applejack or Rarity.

Fluttershy took her wing off me, seeing I was calmer now. "And could that magic from the Nightmare Prevention Spell went to Eric's world when it 'vanished', Starlight?"

"Yep, and if we knew what Eric just said, we would've focused more on that. It'd helped us learn the counterspell a lot faster, and we might have even learned how to do it by now."

I yelled out in frustration and facepalmed harder than I have in my life after Starlight said that! 

If I'd told them the truth right away, all this mess since I got here -- except the part when Twilight tried to crush me -- might have never happened. Yep, Applejack was right about telling the truth, as usual.

Starlight seemed like she was about to ask why I yelled, but stopped herself. She changed the subject and asked me, "Hold on, why were you so scared of me when I got here? You know I'll never want to hurt you since that...misunderstanding when we met."

"I...thought you were Twilight at first."

"But I thought you two were good friends?" Starlight gasped. Still on her stomach, Starlight crawled closer to me. "Why are you so scared of her now? Did something happen?"

"Well, Starlight, at Twilight's castle Eric was trying to tell us what he just told the two of us" -- Fluttershy once again carefully put her wing around me -- "but we pressed him too hard and he got too nervous. Twilight got mad and she, well..."

Starlight gasped a bit louder than she did before. She already saw me act horrified when I saw her come in the door, thinking she was Twilight. Now she learned that, while she was away from the castle, Twilight did something to me that now made me really scared of her. And Starlight Glimmer did not like it. She crawled closer still with a frown showing not anger, but of concern. While she couldn't really look at me in "the eyes", because of my small size, but something about the way the pony's eyes - larger than me -- looked at me made it feel like she was. "Eric, tell me the truth. What did Twilight do to you in that castle?"

Because of Starlight's temper, I didn't want to tell her. But I was done with lying and didn't want to even try, but I still took a deep breath.

"Well, Starlight, she...shook me, really hard, when I got too scared to talk."

Starlight's eyes widened. "Wait, she what?"

"And...I think she threatened me when I didn't say anything."

Starlight jumped off the floor backward, with her mouth open, and I even felt slight vibrations when she landed. "WHAT?! You're serious?! Twilight actually threatened you?! What did she say?!"

"She said that if I didn't say anything, she'd do something. But Fluttershy told her to knock it off before she could finish saying whatever she'd do to me."

"T-That just can't be right! I know Twilight has a temper, but her making threats, to you? That doesn't sound like anything she'd ever do, unless you're a serious threat like Queen Chrysalis! Or if you've shown you can be, but you've never done that and wouldn't have a chance if you tried to fight her, and she knows it!" Starlight turned her head to Fluttershy. "Is what Eric said really true, Fluttershy?"

"Yes, Starlight. After I stopped Twilight, Eric was terrified, so I brought him here to get him away from her."

After a second, Starlight turned her head to me again. Her face had a frown that didn't want to believe what she just heard, but didn't think Fluttershy and I were trying to lie to her. "That...that just can't be. I can't believe Twilight would do that to you, Eric. I never thought she could act like that!" 

Starlight, who was still standing, lowered herself on her stomach and again crawled right up to me, just like she did when she wanted me to say what Twilight did to me. It again felt like she was looking at me in the eyes. I felt a vibe that Starlight could burst at any second. But probably because she didn't want to do something to scare me, she kept herself in check. With a big frown, showing that she was scared of what my answer to her next question would be, Starlight quietly asked, "Eric, when Twilight shook and threatened you, she didn't also hurt you, did she?"

I sighed, then slowly turned my head to, and carefully placed, my right hand on the upper part of my left arm where the muscle in the arm was hurt. "Well...I really don't think she meant to do it, Starlight. And it's not hurt bad, but--"

Oh, boy, that was all Starlight needed to hear. That Unicorn's mouth dropped and her eyes were bigger as they'd ever been. She stood right up with gritted teeth and was possibly using all her willpower to not blow up in anger. She spun her head to Fluttershy. "Okay, Fluttershy, where is Twilight Sparkle?"

Before Starlight could completely lose it and run to confront Twilight, Rarity came through the door, followed by Applejack.

"Hello, darlings! It's just Applejack and me, not Twilight!"

As soon as Rarity called out to us, Starlight ran right up to her and Applejack. "Rarity, Eric just told me Twilight threatened and hurt him! Where is she?! I want to talk to her!"

"Whoa, whoa, Starlight, calm down!" Applejack quickly said. "That was just a misunderstandin'! Twilight didn't threaten Eric!"

"Wait, really, Applejack?" I was already starting to feel a bit better, with a wave of relief passing through me.

Starlight, however, was stomping around, pacing back and forth, muttering, but I couldn't make out what she was saying to herself. But I begged, "Starlight, please, just try to calm down, for me! Let's hear what Rarity and Applejack have to say, okay?" 

"But..." Starlight stopped pacing to turn her head to me. About a second later, the tension on her face dropped, and she took a deep breath. She walked over to Fluttershy and me, lay down in front of me, and it was almost protectively. I was still on a couch, and Starlight stayed down low enough to not block my view. "Okay, what did Twilight say? And it better be good."

But Fluttershy suggested, "Wait, Starlight, let's tell Applejack and Rarity what Eric told us first."

After that, Fluttershy, Starlight, and I told Rarity and Applejack about what I just told them, about where I came from, and how I knew about them already. Starlight also told them about that Multiverse idea she was telling Fluttershy and me about. Because they saw how I reacted when Twilight picked up and shook me, and that it was a kind of reaction that's from someone who really wasn't up to anything, even Applejack was willing to believe it. Let alone Rarity, though they were quite surprised, to say the least.

Applejack and Rarity, in turn, told Starlight, Fluttershy and me what Twilight really meant, that she felt awful about shaking and scaring me so bad, and really wanted to see me and apologize for it.

"There, you see, Eric? I told you that Twilight would never do that!" Fluttershy reminded me.

With a grin, I responded, "Yep, you were right, Fluttershy!"

"Yeah, and I should've known it too." Starlight facehoofed. "I better apologize to her about thinking she actually threatened Eric. But I still don't like how she treated him back there."

"So, since ya know, do ya want to go see Twilight?" Applejack asked me. "She'll be really happy if she knows ya don't hate her."

"Yeah, I...uh..." That wave of relief I was feeling disappeared and was replaced with dread, remembering how I felt when I was trapped in Twilight's magic. Helplessly floating in the air, staring at the angry face of a giant, scared to the point of not wanting to move; not that I could've moved much anyway. Then shaken harshly in the air to the point of being injured. If nopony had stepped in, and Twilight didn't calm herself down in time, I could've been killed by her shaking without her even meaning or wanting to do it. And if that happened, Twilight saying "I'm sorry" wouldn't have brought me back. I knew that she didn't really threaten me, she felt really bad, and promised on her life to never do anything like that again, but...

Rarity walked closer to me and saw I was holding my arm. "Oh dear...Starlight said you were hurt, is it serious?"

"No, it's not hurt too bad, Rarity" -- I let go of my arm -- "and it'll be better in like a week, and I've been hurt much worse than this before."

"Whew, I'm glad to hear that it's not too bad, Eric, and trust me, Twilight would never --" Applejack put a hoof on her face "-- Whoa, nelly. This is bad. I mean, really bad."

"What's 'really bad'?" Rarity asked.

"Twilight feels awful enough as it is. If she knew she had physically hurt Eric before Fluttershy took him away from her, it's gonna crush her. Breaking the news to her is not gonna be easy."

I was just torn. I really did want to see Twilight and talk to her since I knew how she felt, and that I really shouldn't be scared of her. Not of Princess Twilight Sparkle. It also seemed like I was right on who I thought she was, I'd be safe with her, and I didn't want her to feel as awful as they said she did. It also wasn't like she'd lie about what she asked Rarity and Applejack to tell me. If she were, Applejack would've never told me what Twilight said, because she doesn't lie, and probably would've instead suggested to just stay away from Twilight, at least for the time being.

And yet I just couldn't shake a feeling of fear, no pun intended. Even after what I heard, I wasn't sure if I could really trust Twilight anymore. I was too aware that she wasn't a "character" that only did whatever the writers of a cartoon made her do, but a real living intelligent being that can make her own choices, just like me. And just like anyone, Twilight could make really bad mistakes, if mad enough. What if she ever got really mad at me again and forgot her promise? Would I feel like, to avoid being hurt again by the giant pony, that I'd need to always do whatever she said or asked? Doing that because she's a princess, I could've been like "whatever". But doing it out of fear of being hurt...was another story. In my head, I kept going back and forth on if I should go to Twilight or not.

They saw how I was clenching my fists and had my head down, deep in thoughts that they could guess were about. This made Rarity, while smiling, help give me an answer by assuring, "Darling, we won't be mad if you don't want to see Twilight, and neither will she."

"Yeah, Eric," Applejack chimed in, "and Twilight herself said it too. She even said that she didn't want ya to try to force yourself to see her if yer don't want to, or too scared to do it."

Applejack doesn't lie, so the fear in me dropped some and I felt a bit calmer on the inside, so it let me relax my fists and I lifted my head back up to the others. I knew Twilight wouldn't be mad at me if I did choose to not see her, and by its irony, that made me want to see her more. Even so, I was still just too bad a mess on the inside, and as I was, I wasn't ready to face Twilight, even though I wanted to see her.

"Well, I want to see Twilight, Applejack. But...I'm just not ready right now, so I'll need some time, but I will be ready to see her later."

"Hey, don't worry about trying to force yourself, sugarcube. Twilight can wait."

"Applejack's right. You take all the time you need, and Twilight will understand. Don't forget that she said so herself."

"Thanks, Rarity. And could you tell Twilight I don't hate her? I don't want her to think that."

"You got it, darling. We'll do it right now."

"Do you need anything, Eric?" Fluttershy asked me. "Are you hungry or thirsty?"

I shook my head. "No, not right now."

"Oh. Well, just me know if you do, or need anything. And you can stay here with me as long as you need to, if you'll want to stay away from Twilight's castle, okay?" 

I nodded at Fluttershy, but didn't say anything.

For the last ten or so seconds, while I wasn't really paying much attention, Starlight had turned her head to me and was staring at me. Finally, she turned to the others and said, "Hey, guys? I really need to talk with Eric, by ourselves, so I'll stay here when you go tell Twilight what Eric said."

"Okay, but why?" Applejack asked.

"I can't say why, Applejack. But don't worry; I'm not gonna hurt him or anything. I just want to talk to him, and we'll need to be alone for me to do it."

At first, I was a bit nervous when Starlight said she wanted to talk to me alone, especially since I was still so shaken up. But by her making sure to say she wasn't going to try to do something to me, it took care of any paranoia I was having. Plus, at that moment, vibes of safeness were coming from Starlight, and it was something that never happened before. There was something different about her, and it made me want to stay close to her more than I usually did.

Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy turned their heads at each other, then turned them to me at the same time, and I nodded my own head at them.

"Well, okay, Starlight, if ya say so. I don't know why ya want to talk to Eric alone, but we'll all go and tell Twilight what Eric told us," Applejack said.

"Okay, thanks, Applejack."

Rarity, Applejack, and Fluttershy left, leaving me alone with Starlight.



Starlight closed the door, went to a window, watching them all walk away. After she felt they were far enough, she (to her) slowly walked to and lay in front of me again with a frown.

"Starlight? What's going on?"

"Eric, you have a lot of emotion you're holding back right now, don't you?"

"Well..." I looked away, not wanting to admit it. 

"Yep, I knew it. That's why I wanted the others to leave, so it would be easier for you to let it out if you're just with me."

"Maybe, but I don't know if you'll understand how I feel."

Starlight crawled closer to me, so I was just inside the range of her hoof. Which she meant to do: Starlight placed her hoof -- or along with her foreleg, a long semi-soft purplish pink wall from my point of view -- to my right side, wanting me to look her in the eyes and  firmly yet comfortably said, "Eric, I will understand."

"How do you know, Starlight?"

"Because, it's me. Starlight Glimmer, Eric. You may already know that I'm not the greatest at friendship, but you should also know that I understand how it feels. Scared that nopony would have any idea how you'll feel, or that you should hold back your true feelings. I know how it feels, so as your friend, I want you to tell me everything you're holding in, and what you say can stay just between us. I know it's probably hard for you to not be scared of me, because I'm so big to you and have magic, but I promise, on my life, that I will never try to hurt you. You can trust me, Eric."

Boy, by her saying it like that, it hit home, big time. That's when I became truly aware of who I was looking at in the eyes. She wasn't "Starlight" but she was Starlight Glimmer. If there's anypony I could have not just trusted to talk to, but to be there with if I released all the emotions I was holding in and felt safe to do it, it's her. I realized it's why she made sure we were alone, before she started asking me to release everything I was holding in, and that she thought that she might be the one I'd feel the most comfortable to do it with. Even more than Fluttershy.

And Starlight was right. Knowing she was the only one that could hear me and still looking at her in the eyes, I felt more vibes of safeness, and I knew I could truly trust her. Thus I decided to spill out everything, just like she wanted me to do. She left her hoof -- the one on her left foreleg and was the one that nearly crushed me to death three weeks earlier -- beside me to use to hug, cry, or punch against. Starlight knew I'd need it. I wasn't strong enough to make her feel any pain if I started to beat my fist against her hoof out of sadness and anger, and we both knew it, so I wouldn't have to worry about hurting her.

"Okay." I nodded. "I trust you, Starlight Glimmer. So I'll do it."

"It's okay, Eric. Let it out, and hold nothing back, okay? I'm here."

I took a really deep breath and, with tears pouring out of my eyes, I yelled, "I'm just sick of being stuck here, Starlight! I'm so tired of crying so much, and it's embarrassing for a guy my age to do it so much, and I hate it! I feel so pathetic! I'm sick of almost getting killed by something so much bigger than me like I'm a bug! I'm no 'bug', and it's scary being this small! I'm sick of thinking I have to lie, and it's not like I want to do it! I miss being able to talk to my family!"

My thoughts switched to how Twilight shook and hurt me, and the emotions I was holding in about it flooded out, since up to this point I didn't feel safe enough to do it. With the tears still pouring from my eyes, I buried my face in the side of Starlight's hoof that she placed beside me before, getting it a little wet. I didn't think I was, and I was even trying to lie to myself about it but, I guess that deep down, while I still didn't "hate" Twilight, I was still much more mad and scared of her than I thought. Now came the beating of my right fist against Starlight's hoof, out of pure emotion, as I kept going, becoming even more upset since I was holding nothing back.

"I can't get over how Twilight did that to me! She...she hurt me, and I couldn't do a thing about it! I trusted that pony, and was even thinking of her as my big sister! Why...why...*sniff*...why weren't you there, Starlight? You should've been there! Twilight's so much bigger than me, and she could have done anything she wanted to me before Fluttershy got me out of there and if she comes after me, I'd be helpless! Twilight's not just an Alicorn, but to me, she's a giant Alicorn, Starlight! She's way too big for hitting her to do anything, I don't have magic to fight with, and if she grabs me with her magic, I wouldn't even be able to try to run away! I just can't take being here and this small anymore, Starlight!!"

Because of my hurt arm, Starlight couldn't hug me, so she nuzzled me instead to try to calm me down, careful to not touch my left arm, and I left my head buried in her hoof. The gentle rubbing of her muzzle on both my back and the back of my head made me less hysterical since I was at this point, and I stopped hitting her hoof and stayed still, but more quietly whimpered. 

While keeping her muzzle on my back, the closest she could come to hugging me, and in a soft voice that I never knew she could even do, Starlight told me, "I know, Eric, I know. And you're right: I should've been there, and I am so sorry I left when I did. I would've stepped in even before Fluttershy did, so you wouldn't be hurt right now if I were there. It's all my fault that you're going through all this and so small, so the least I can do is protect you, and Twilight Sparkle will never hurt you again, okay? I won't let her do it, and you can stay near me, or even be on my head, from now on if it would make you feel safer. But I really don't think you'll need to, and I do think that Twilight feels worse about doing that than you know. I'm still gonna give her a piece of my mind later, but she really does care about you, Eric, a lot."

Starlight moved her muzzle away and a second later, I turned my head to her and looked her in the eyes again. "But, Starlight, you're so powerful and so great at magic. Can't you learn the counterspell right now, since you said you have more to go on? Please, I'm begging you, you gotta do something! Please! I'm sick of being bug-sized!"

Now it was Starlight's turn to tear up. "Eric, I'm sorry. I really would do it if I could. I've always been able to learn spells fast. But even I can't learn a spell that complex that easily, even after what you told me about how you know about Equestria before coming here."

I buried my face back in Starlight's hoof and kept crying for a while, but not hysterically. That whole time, she barely moved, other than to nuzzle me a few times or to say something to comfort me. Wow. Just wow. I admit, I knew she could be kind, but not this kind. For the first time, Starlight Glimmer felt like a big sister, not a friend. That feeling of safeness I felt flow through me earlier flowed again and was even stronger, so I felt totally safe. Even from Twilight. It was even the first time that I was glad Starlight looked so huge: along with knowing she's a really strong Unicorn, it made me feel safer at that moment.

After I finally got done, Starlight sweetly asked if I felt better.

A bit out of breath I answered, "Yeah, a lot better. Thanks, Starlight, I really needed that bad." 

She moved her hoof off the couch, to how she'd normally have it, then moved back a bit from me. But Starlight kept lying down.

With my inner emotions calmed, I could think more clearly again. A thought popped in my mind that I didn't even think about, till now. 

"Hey, Starlight? Do you think Twilight felt really hurt about me lying to her?"

Starlight raised her head up, thinking about it, then lowered it back down with a frown. "I don't know for sure, but she probably was."

I facepalmed and groaned. I finally figured out why Twilight was so harsh to me, and man did it hurt! Yeah, she was mad that I wouldn't talk. But what made her truly upset was learning that l was still lying to her, even after we became so close. She trusted me, so finding out I was still hiding stuff just hurt her really bad, and that was why she shook me. And I lied to the others, including Starlight, and she had been about as nice to me as Twilight had been. She even just helped me got out the emotions I needed to get out of me so bad. 

Maybe I deserved every bit of what Twilight did to me, even my little injury. In fact, as I was thinking about how bad I might have broken her heart, I even thought that maybe I got off easy, because of how much she's been helping me, and how nice she's been to me. I started tearing up again. Starlight quickly moved closer and put her hoof beside me again, thinking I was about to start bawling again, but what I said next surprised her.

"Starlight, I just want you to know, that I wasn't blaming you for what's been happening to me. It was just emotion talking, and I'm not even mad at Twilight anymore. I now understand why she acted that way, and I don't blame her one bit. And I'm sorry I lied to you for so long about how much I really knew. Can you forgive me for lying to you? And, could you try to trust me again?"

"I already have, Eric"-- Starlight gave me a wink --"and I've done much worse than that, remember?"

I chuckled, but then frowned again. "Well, how about the others? Do...do you think they, and especially Twilight, will ever want to truly trust me again? Applejack and Rarity weren't just being nice, were they?"

"Ha, please, Eric. They forgave Discord and me for what we did to them, so I'm sure they'll forgive you for lying out of fear. And you know Applejack doesn't lie."

"Still, I just feel so bad for doing it for this long, Starlight, and I--"

Starlight very carefully placed her hoof to the right side of my head, as best she could. It was almost like she was trying to place it on my cheek, but her hoof's too big to do it. In a calm voice, she told me, "Eric, listen to me. I know that you feel guilty for lying to us, and especially to Twilight. And trust me on this: I really do understand, because you sound just like I did three weeks ago. But you blaming yourself like this won't help anypony, or you. That's why I'm trying so hard to learn the counterspell so I can fix the mistake I made: it'll help us all a lot better than if I just blamed myself and did nothing else."

"I know, Starlight, but what can I do to fix my mistake?"

"Well, you'll just have to tell them how you feel and say you're sorry."

With a finger on my chin, I looked down a bit, thinking about what Starlight just told me. I looked back at her, smiled, and said, "Okay, I understand, Starlight, and I think I'm ready to see Twilight. I want to get back on my big sister's head again."

Starlight moved her hoof away from me and smiled. But before she could say anything, there was a knock on the door, and Starlight went to see who it was. It was a green Unicorn I'd never seen before. She said that Starlight was needed badly down the road.

Starlight asked me if I wanted to go, but I said that I'd stay there, and she left.

Once she left, the pony that just told Starlight her help was needed, just stood there, and asked, "You're very good friends with Starlight Glimmer and Twilight Sparkle, right?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Oh, I just wanted to be sure."

Before I could ask what that meant, a green fire surrounded her, and she changed her form. What I saw...I just couldn't believe it!

She became taller, almost twice as tall as Twilight or most full-grown ponies.

Her skin was nearly a black color.

She had a blue mane...or it looked like a "mane", wings like an insect's that was more or less the same color, and a long, crooked black horn on her forehead.

The lower half of her legs had a few holes, similar to the holes in swiss cheese.

Right there in front of me, was Queen Chrysalis! And for some reason, she seemed to want me! But why? What did I do?! She gave her trademark evil laugh, as I just sat there staring, my eyes and mouth wide open, wishing Twilight or Starlight were there.