The Rainbooms and the Shadowbolts conspired, early during winter break, to throw the biggest interscholastic New Year's Eve party Canterlot City had ever seen. After the ball dropped, an ever-expanding group of friends sat around a pair of pushed-together tables littered with the wreckage of massive snackage, taking a break from all the dancing and laughing and general commotion.
"Man, this was a blast!" Lemon Zest said cheerfully, rocking back and forth in the cheap plastic chair she was straddling backwards.
"You said it," Rainbow Dash said, letting out a tremendous belch as she patted her ballooning belly.
"So, what are everyone's New Year's resolutions?" Rarity asked as she examined her fingernails.
"Pssh, why bother makin' 'em?" Indigo Zap scoffed. "It's not like anybody ever keeps those."
"The entire point of a New Year's resolution is to acknowledge your awareness of a personal shortcoming," Sugarcoat said as she refilled her empty soda cup. "It doesn't matter whether you keep it or not, it's about admitting you're aware of something about yourself that needs improvement."
"Wow, that's really profound," Juniper Montage said.
"But then if you're aware you've got shortcomings you need to work on, then you make a resolution to do that, and then you never do...then what's the point?" Twilight Sparkle wondered. "I mean, it's like you're saying you're okay with being flawed."
"Well...yeah," Sunset Shimmer said, toying with a paper napkin. "I mean, our flaws are part of who we are. Sure, you can work on things that maybe aren't so great about yourself, but...people aren't meant to be perfect. That's why we have friends. Our friends make up for our flaws, and we make up for theirs!" She gestured at Fluttershy. "Take Fluttershy, for example. She's painfully shy and self-conscious, has trouble speaking up for herself. But she's friends with Rainbow Dash, who's loud, outgoing, and has an out of control ego."
"HEY!" Rainbow Dash cried.
"I see what you're saying," Wallflower Blush said. "They balance each other out!"
"Something like that, yeah," Sunset said.
Fluttershy blinked. "I...never thought of it like that," she said softly.
"Still," Sunny Flare put in, "if you know you could stand to improve certain things about yourself, shouldn't you make the effort? Simply accepting your faults and doing nothing to correct them seems indifferent and lazy."
"So what would you change?" Applejack challenged.
Sunny Flare blinked, caught off-guard. "W-well," she stammered. "I mean, I..." She cast about lamely, looking into the expectant sea of faces around her. Coughing, she said, "I...well...I suppose I'd resolve to finally have a certain...a certain mole removed."
The others stared at her flatly.
"A mole," Rarity said in a tone as dry as the desert.
"Yes," Sunny Flare said, lifting her chin defiantly. "A mole."
"Your big New Year's resolution is to have a mole removed," Sunset Shimmer said.
"Well—it is a flaw!" Sunny Flare defended hotly.
"Uh-huh," Sunset said, folding her arms. "And just where is this alleged mole?"
Sunny Flare's face turned beet red, and she looked away. "Umm."
Lemon Zest grinned. "Oh, you mean that mole!"
"LEMON ZEST!"
"Oh, now I gotta know," Rainbow Dash said, leaning forward and grinning.
"Lemon Zest, so help me—"
"It's on her PUSSY!" Lemon Zest declared boldly, tipping her chair over backward and giggling. Sunny Flare let out a banshee wail of fury and tackled her; both girls went down with a crash, with Lemon's shrieking laughter exploding from under the table.
"It really is," Sugarcoat said idly, one cheek propped against an open hand as she twirled her straw around in her cup. "Directly on her labia."
"Yikes," Sunset said.
"Oh my," Fluttershy said, beet red, covering her face with her hands. Then she started giggling. "Oh, s-sorry, but...that's actually...kinda funny..."
"It kind of is, yeah," Indigo Zap agreed, sniggering.
Sunny emerged, flouncing her hair and straightening her clothing, and resumed her seat with as prim and unruffled an air as she could manage. "Well then, Indigo, perhaps you could tell us your resolution?" she said stiffly.
Indigo shrugged. "Get my grades up," she said.
"Yeah, I hear ya there," Rainbow said. "I mean, my grades aren't bad, but they could be better, y'know? Besides, I wanna get good scholarships an' the best ones want you to have good grades on top of good skills." She poked Fluttershy in the side. "How 'bout you, Shy? Same as usual?"
"Huh? Oh...hmm." Fluttershy frowned pensively. "Actually? I think this year I'll resolve to put in a little more time exercising." She looked down at her tummy. "I'm getting a little chubby."
The others gawked at her. "Bullshit," Indigo said. "You've got a bikini model body if I've ever seen one!"
Fluttershy blushed. "W-well, maybe," she said, "but I do eat an ice cream sundae every day and lately I haven't been, well...active enough to burn it off. It's not much, but I've gained some weight."
"In your tits, maybe," Rainbow said. She shook her head. "Anyone else?"
Wallflower shifted in her seat. "I, umm...I resolve to try harder to stand out and be noticed," she said hesitantly. "To, umm...actually make more of an effort to make friends and get involved with other people."
Sunset reached over and pulled her into a hug. "You're already well on your way," she said. She let Wallflower go, then brushed her fingers through her hair. "Umm...right, I guess I might as well make a resolution." She thought about it for a minute before a guilty expression slipped onto her face. "I guess...the most important thing I can resolve to do is make another trip to Equestria to visit Mom and Dad," she said. "I...haven't seen them in ages." She ducked her head, shamefaced. "Gosh, I don't even know if they'll want to see me..."
A pall of heavy silence fell over the table at that.
"Think Ah'm gonna resolve t' spend more time with Grand Pear," Applejack said. "Ah mean, he did move back t' Canterlot t' get t' know his grandkids an' all."
"I should maybe go up to Holder's Boulder and visit Granny Pie soon," Pinkie Pie said, her usual cheer diminished. "I mean, she's really really old, y'know? I haven't seen her since I was a twinky-winky Pinkie."
"How come?" Twilight asked.
Pinkie sighed. "She doesn't get along with Mom and Dad so much," she said. "She's more like, well...me." She smiled gamely.
"Oh," Twilight said. "Sorry. Ah! Not that...I mean—"
"I know what you mean," Pinkie said. "It's all good." She smiled brightly. "What about you, Twilight? What's your resolution?"
Twilight twiddled her fingers. "W-well..." She ducked her head. "I guess...maybe getting more of a handle on emoji-speak," she said. "I still don't know what half the texts and comments I get from my friends are even saying. It's a little embarrassing and frustrating."
"I resolve to find a proper boyfriend this year," Rarity said. "It simply won't do that the most fabulous girl at CHS is the most notoriously undated girl at CHS."
Everyone looked at Juniper Montage, who blinked. "Huh? Oh, umm..." She toyed nervously with her pigtails. "I...guess I resolve to work to rebuild my uncle's trust in me so I can get my old job back," she said.
"We'll help you however we can," Sunset said with a smile. She looked around the table. "Hmm...who hasn't gone yet?"
"Me, Sour Sweet, and Lemon Zest," Sugarcoat said. "I don't have a New Year's resolution. I'm comfortable with everything about myself."
"Fair enough," Sunset said. "Lemon?"
Lemon Zest tipped her head back in thought. "Hmm..." She shrugged. "Yeah, same as Sugarcoat," she decided. "I mean, we already fixed the main thing we needed to work on, or we wouldn't all be here now, am I right?" She turned to Sour Sweet. "Looks like you're up last."
Sour Sweet wrinkled her nose. "Oh, I just love being put on the spot," she said. She sighed. "I guess...I'm with Rarity," she decided. "Guys just don't want anything to do with me for some weird reason. It'd be nice to have one boyfriend before I graduate." She grimaced. "One that isn't plastic and runs on batteries, anyway."
"WAY too much information, darling," Rarity said.
* * * * *
"So, Sister, what is your New Year's resolution?"
A bleary-eyed Celestia peered into her coffee cup. "Either to cut back on the coffee or to finally actually get myself up to speed on all the magical weirdness at school," she said. She drained the dregs of her coffee, then stood to refill the cup. "There's a portal to another dimension fifty yards from my office. You'd think I'd make it a point to do my homework and finally understand all this crap Sunset Shimmer dragged over here from her world. Yet, every time some new magical weirdness happens, I'm left standing around confused and useless."
"Hmm. Indeed," Luna said with a nod. "I must confess, I've stopped even asking questions and decided it's Sunset Shimmer's problem." She looked into her own coffee cup with a frown. "Between the Friendship Games and Camp Everfree, it's clear that Sunset and her friends don't especially need our help to deal with any magical situations that arise, so the best thing for us to do is stay out of their way when an incident arises."
Celestia sighed. "True," she admitted, "but it still would be nice to at least understand the strange things happening around us." She shrugged. "Anyway, what's your resolution?"
Luna grimaced sourly. "To do something about my abysmal lack of a love life," she said. "I can't even remember the last time I went on a date, let alone the last time I had sex. I swear I'm growing cobwebs down there."
Celestia laughed ruefully. "I know what you mean. You'd think two attractive women our age would have no trouble whatsoever getting laid," she lamented. "Especially since we run a freaking high school with hundreds of hormonal teenage boys!"
Luna shot her a scathing look. "Alright, two things. One: Nobody has forgotten that time you had a gentleman caller in your office."
Celestia winced.
"Two," Luna continued, "you just suggested something highly illegal and inappropriate."
Celestia made a 'pssh' sound and waved a hand airily. "Oh come on!" she cried. "I mean, when it's a teenage boy getting it on with a hot older teacher, that's not a crime, it's...it's bragging rights!"
Luna folded her arms and gave Celestia a glare that could cut steel.
"It's a victimless crime!" Celestia ranted, throwing up her arms. "Besides, it's not like you've never thought about it!"
Luna coughed and shuffled awkwardly, tugging at the hem of her blouse, studiously avoiding Celestia's eyes. Celestia smirked.