//------------------------------// // Chapter twenty eight, Manehattan Menageries Part Deux: Cheerful cow. // Story: Airship Mauled // by Darkonshadows //------------------------------// -Arizona- It was another day in Manehattan, the Vibrant Vikings were putting on a day long sparring exhibition to show off the strength of their culture and how much stamina they had. I got in a round with Fortitude ‘the fantastically foul smelling’ and things were generally okay, I didn’t win because Fortitude ignores the rules of reality so well that I can hardly even hurt him! Fortitude didn’t need stamina, he just needed to stand still and let his opponent tire themselves out on him. It was a complete exercise in frustration, it was like attacking a brick wall that just won’t go down. I could take a sledge to him while putting everything I had behind it and he’d still be standing there. Things were currently in a weird area between me and Velvet. What were we to each other? Did we like each other enough to get together? I know we’re friends at least, since we could keep sniping at each other and Velvet is always ready to put up a vicious fight. Never knew someone who put a lot of time into her looks can be as rough and tumble as Velvet gets, mess up her floof and you’ll have a bad time. I moved over to sit down next to Jade as she watched Generic and an earth pony wrestle with one another. “I was wondering if there was something I can talk to you about.” I was a little surprised Jade didn’t spend much time with Fizzle or Maries this morning, though they were busy preparing for their play. You’d think Jade would get as much time with them as she could, given how affectionate she is with both of them in general. “Look if it’s about me giving Maries and Fizzle space this morning, then I would just like to say I’m going to try and relax all day today.” Where was Jade going with this? This was not what I wanted to talk about, but I better let her get it off her chest before I say anything. “I have a date with both of them at the exact same time. My first one with both of them really, instead of all the one on one stuff we’ve been doing with one another. That’s going to be pretty stressful for me, on top of wanting to scout out the museum while we take it all in.” “Yeah, that open secret you’re going to rob the place does actually have some of us concerned.” Not that I, or anyone else for that matter, were going to stop Jade from doing it. “That’s not what I wanted to ask about though.” “Oh… still, I just know that dating both Maries and Fizzle at the same time is going to be rough for me, because giving all four of them the same amount of attention is something I’m having problems planning for.” Says the cat that planned a convoluted getaway on a unicycle. “So what did you want to ask?” Said unicycle escape, had her somehow make connections with a squirrel based mafia and setting up quite a number of things ahead of time without anyone else finding out how far she could plan ahead. What next a pogo stick based escape? While ridiculous, I wouldn’t put it past Jade to do just that. Or… or better yet a tiny tricycle, which would be even sillier! I grinned at the idea of Jade trying to ride a tiny tricycle out of Canterlot. “So I recently kissed Velvet and then she kissed me back.” Sometimes I felt like there were things we didn’t know about Jade, but I couldn’t put a hoof on what. “She slapped me both times though, but I’ve learned from her that it’s not just me who has been feeling the tension between us whenever we do things together. She also came out as being gay with issues and well… I didn’t see what the issue was with that until she told me about her parents, apparently noble blood is as disastrously bad as it ever is. Only something good came of it in Velvet at least.” “Yeah, that practically sounds like your relationship snapped like a rubber band does when it gets stretched too far.” We knew a lot about Jade, but she seemed to be a little too intelligent sometimes and more so than for her own good. She didn’t seem to care about anything being a detriment to her if she could enrich the lives of those she loves, I could use some advice based on that kind of mentality to compare it to my own. “Why are you coming to me about this Zone? I’m not exactly an expert in relationships, even if I am dating a lovely proud chimera trio and a strikingly beautiful pony.” “It kind of feels odd to ask you this, but how would you handle a prissy reindeer without offending her any further than you do on a general basis by just existing?” I received such a flat glance, Jade slowly put her left paw to her face and groaned. “You just gave me a headache just by asking a question about how to get your relationship with Velvet off the ground, that’s really quite an amazing accomplishment coming from you.” Glaring at Jade, I let loose an angry mooing noise. She held up her hands defensively, knowing she couldn’t take me in a straight fight. “Hey, I know your actually quite bright and all, but this is starting to turn out like how Jacky is dancing around the issue of Generic. They should just go on a date already and see if they could be even the slightest bit compatible. Generic seems curious, but he’s waiting on Jacky to actually make a move. Vikings tend to value ‘almost blind’ brain dead courage even in the face of death, he knows Jacky is quite courageous and finds her inability to ask him on a date quite odd.” I knew she’d fight dirty like crazy if it came to blows between us, she’d use every trick she currently had on her to slow me down and eventually wear me out. She could do it, but I wouldn’t make it easy for her if she got me seriously mad. “That’ll be difficult for Jacky, because it’s hard to read Generic sometimes when you talk to him.” I considered what I was saying, Generic was abnormal among griffon kind for being friendly and not obsessed about gold. Also his visible emotional range was about as flat as Maud Pie’s and he never yells. I was somewhat disturbed by his very existence, possibly like Jade almost certainly was. “He seems so emotionally bland, but he is pretty darn strong given he wrestles with a dragon and yak on a regular basis.” We turned to witness Gene grappling and pile driving the pony painfully into the ground without using his wings, mostly because they were currently tied to his back in the spirit of fairness for this current fight. “Woohoo, yeah, that’s how you do it!” It was Cherry again, I wonder what she would say if she knew a goddess of war was teaching us how to use our bodies as weapons? Our teacher’s sister was certainly enjoying the culture of Viking rumbles. “Whoever has been teaching you those moves knows their stuff!” I knew it wasn’t Cheerilee, mostly because she had already left an hour into watching the trio roughhouse to go explore the festival and do some fun things with her free time. Cheerilee’s sister was apparently an avid fan of the day long endurance test the Viking boys were putting on, I could say I was too. Watching the Vibrant Vikings keep going was quite amazing. With only five minute breaks between every match to catch their breaths, they got back into the thick of it ludicrously fast. More so amazing when you consider that none of them have lost a single fight yet and have been at this for hours. “You’ve been talking with him?” I finally cottoned onto something Jade had recently said. “Well of course I have, I’m not about to let Generic date Jacky without doing the whole protective sister thing. Everyone knows that it is a timeless social prerogative based tradition to intimidate potential boyfriends or girlfriends for those who you see as close family, it’s quite a classic even!” Okay Jade, I could get behind that with Grace in mind. My airheaded surrogate mother was definitely someone I’d defend like that if some made a pass at her. “I let him know as such and he shrugged while smirking at me, even told me that I would have nothing to worry about from him. He even swore that to me on his honor that he would do right by Jacky if it came down to it. He also said he’d be willing to face me in combat if I wished to challenge him over it, but only if he wishes to eventually pursue a relationship with Jacky.” “Okay then, let’s bring this topic back to me and Velvet.” Because I had a suspicion that you were trying to distract and distance me from what I came to you for Jade. The not so silent groan was telling. “Wasn’t born yesterday Jade.” “Didn’t think you were and I would never imply as such.” Yet, you would still think it if you could get away with it Jade, that’s why I liked you only as a friend. “You came to me for advice and I might as well get started on it if you’re going to press the issue.” “Yes, please do get back to what I wanted advice on.” Determined to get some help with Velvet from the one who had working relationships, I stared at her waiting for an answer. “You do realize that I am literally the worst possible being you could be going to for advice about this from. A better candidate would be my mother who had a successful loving relationship.” This stare was not moving Jade, I wanted that answer. “Okay tell me honestly, do you like her enough to want to be around her for the rest of your life?” “She’s annoying as all get out when she’s being prissy and full of herself, but I think I really like that about her.” I looked over to the see the crowd cheering as Flamberge had beaten a Minotaur, that wasn’t bad for Flamberge. “So yes, I could stand to live with Velvet around for the rest of my life.” “There you go, that’s your answer. Do everything you want to do to make her happy if you can.” Jade nodded as if what she said was wise, she had a little more to say. “I think KISS applies to love, Keep It Stupid Simple. Now when are you going to declare your love her or are you going to?” “I think what we have right now is okay thank you very much. Is just keeping it simple really all you’re going to tell me, that’s all you have to say?” Made me wonder what, if anything, made velvet like me so much. Jade just shrugged and watched as Fortitude knocked his opponent over by tapping them with a hoof. “It’s not my relationship, Bloody Maries came onto me and I love Fizzle to the point of doing absurd things she wouldn’t ever ask me to do. Except wear a dress…” Looking thoughtful for a second, Jade turned back to me. “You might want to set some boundaries with each other, my main boundary is that I will never be forced to wear a dress. Talk to each other about what you will and won’t be comfortable with.” “That all sounds like fairly good advice, why would you think you were bad at giving it?” This was a little confusing to me. “I fell into both my relationships. I don’t have a clue what I’m doing entirely, except for my best. Plus you remember what I did to get Fizzle to stop moping that one time right?” Everyone treated you poorly for weeks after that Jade, no one would forget. “Hey, you succeeded in getting Fizzle to stop moping and be more active.” It was a harsh plan, but the results were worthwhile I’d think. “I wouldn’t mind if Velvet did the same thing to me, if it meant she was as happy as Fizzle is nowadays with both you and Maries.” “You actually enjoy pain though.” Sighing Jade leaned back planting her hands on the ground. “I feel both lucky and a little put off about having four girlfriends.” “Look you haven’t had too many relationship hiccups since then, so you must be doing a lot of things right. It’s why I came to you…” Sending a short lived smile my way, Jade let loose a few giggles as she watched as Fortitude sat on his next opponent. “So do you think I should just up and ask Velvet out on a date point blank or should I ease her into it?” “Do whatever you feel is best for you Zone.” Getting up and walking away from Jade, I sent a few parting words over my shoulder to her. “Thanks for the talk Jade.” Now to go find an uppity reindeer and tell her just what I think of her. -Twenty minutes later- It didn’t take me long to find her or for her to start things up with me as we stood outside the Rock-a-filly center’s ice skating rink. “Boorish bovine.” Velvet muttered airily towards me. “Demented Doe.” I retorted cheekily. “Callous Cattle.” She shot back. “Dumb Deer.” We were at war with one another just like that. “Mooing Moron.” That was a good one Velvet. “Divine Doe!” Wondered if she would follow me if I changed things a little. “Beautiful Bovine!” She shouted back in my face. “Delightful Deer!” Wondered when she would catch on to what I was doing. “Cuddly Cow!” Any second now she’d realize what was happening, either that or she just like shouting at me as much as I did her. “Ravishing Reindeer!” If my words didn’t snap her out of it, then nothing will. “Cute... Cattle…” Now there was the wide eyed staring off into space as Velvet seemed to finally realize we were complementing each other in a particularly loud manner where everyone could hear us. Her face turned red and she ducked down while clearing her throat softly as she looked away from me. “You talked to Jade didn’t you?” “Is it that obvious?” Well I did hear Jade say something about the classics and this was one of them that I knew of personally. “Yes. What did she suggest you do since you obviously asked her for relationship advice… it is something I might have ended up doing sooner or later myself.” Velvet started to rub at her floof looking a little self-conscious and nervous. “You just beat me to it.” “She told me to do whatever I felt like doing.” I moved next to Velvet and dug my face into the side of her neck. “Right now I feel like cuddling up to a crazy reindeer.” “Yes, well… a strong muscular cow might get a smile in return for that.” She leaned against me and I looked up into her smiling face, her eyes stared into mine. “Only a smile?” We stayed like this for a while. “You’re evil incarnate!”