Chapter Thirty-Two: Snakes In The Grass
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Alright, alright, let’s get started up in this bitch, yeah? Hell yeah. So I’d just imprisoned Celestia for being a bitch and was filling out a formal complaint to the World Court when I got another note from Luna, but it was a limerick about beans and growing up noble, which was pretty fuckin’ dope, actually. She requested that we settle the matter of Celestia’s lack of tact and Twilight’s straight up muddlesome mistakes outside of court, so I invited her to the Minosian court for negotiations under the knowledge that the third try was going to be Equestria’s final attempt at making peace with Minosia. My people weren’t actually all too pleased with how I was handling the situation, but they were glad that we had Celestia in our custody; the world’s most recognizable threat safely contained within Minosian borders.
Luna appreciated the fact that I was willing to talk, even after the trespasses that I’d made her aware of and the truth she’d learned from Twilight after a handy-dandy little spell. I for one, was just glad that Luna had the mind to actually come and try to talk things out, and I didn’t doubt that she would be more receptive to making friends in low places than Celestia had proven to be. It didn’t matter much in the end since I was more than willing to kidnap Luna too, thus making Equestria a non-threat in and of itself since the Ponies are pussies without their impossibly powerful duo guarding them.
That being said, I was expecting Luna to come in with back up. What Garrison fucking neglected to tell you was that the second time he’d went to go see Luna in the month he took off like a lazy bastard was to come with her to come see me. He and Maud weren’t married at that point, so he didn’t tell me about that until sometime waaay after that little meeting. I can skip the whole week that passed before He and Luna arrived by saying that some of my wards continued trying to molest me, my Cabinet still occasionally poked fun at me, and I’d been spending my time between Diane and Hermione, sexing Diane up more often than Hermione because my Super Sanity didn’t think Death tasted all that nice. It was kind of an acquired taste, but it was one that I was becoming fond of the more I ate up Mommy’s pussy-
Ω☬ Shut the fuck up. ☬Ω
Lol. Anyway, Luna and Garrison showed up on Diane’s day to sit in court with me, so Hermione was in Cragspire taking care of her business since she couldn’t stay away from home forever. When I saw Luna, I slowly rose from my seat on the dais and started down the steps along with Diane. “Yo! Do you come in peace, or are you finna try me?”
“... What?” Luna called back.
Garrison nudged her. “I think she was asking if you were here for negotiations as you say or if we’re here to fight.”
“Oh,” She shrugged. “We are here for peace. Release our sister and negotiations-”
“Will be complete by that time, right?” I said.
She gave me a flat look. “You expect something without giving anything in turn?”
I raised a brow and folded my arms, warping through reality to stand talking distance away from her. I broke the rules to do so, but I only had to sneeze because of it. “Bless you,” Garrison said politely.
“Thanks. Yah, no, Luna? You’re forgetting that two Princesses of Equestria have attacked both members of the Minosian Royal Family at this point, so you owe me. You’re starting from a deficit and I have all the leverage here.”
She smiled. “Except for Fluttershy.”
I returned her smile with a grin of my own. “Do you really want to go there while I have your sister?”
“Celestia is far tougher than your sweet little Flower~” Luna sighed. “It would be a shame if we were to torture our prisoners to the point of breaking. Why, I don’t think Fluttershy could take it~!”
I giggled at her. “Just for saying that, I’m ripping off one of your sister’s fingers! If I find out you actually are going to touch Fluttershy, then I’ll kill ya!” I clasped my hands together in front of me and showed her my pearly whites.
Luna stopped smiling. “... By the Heavens, it’s not an act.”
“I told you not to bluff.” Garrison said drily. “Jayne-”
“You’re not my Spymaster right now, Shitbutt. It’s Your Majesty.” I grinned at him evilly.
“Shut up, Jayne.” He grunted.
“Damn, Bruh. Let a sista feel important.”
“You literally have Celestia under lock and key. And other people call you that shit.”
“But you don’t.”
“So you want my cock.” He said stupidly.
I almost managed to kick it before he closed his legs and guarded his pole. “Dammit!”
“Maybe next time. So what do you want for this whole matter to be solved?”
“Sixty-five/thirty-five Minosian Equestrian split for initial trade to be locked in for a decade and a half before negotiations reopen.”
“And if we decide to negotiate further?” Luna asked.
“Push me and I’ll drive a harder bargain. Celestia’s life means nothing to me, killing her cripples your nation, and toppling Equestria from there would just take a few allies. The Dogs, Naga, and Griffins are all races that are friendly with Minosia in the first place. Offering them chunks of conquered Equestrian land would go far in gaining the whole of Equestria and her territories as my own. I’m offering you economic boosts since it benefits both of us, but I can, and will, take Equestria over.” I blinked lazily and looked at Luna for an answer.
“... Did you just threaten me with war?”
“No, I foretold the destruction of Equestria as we know it if you don’t hurry up and sign these papers.” I picked my handbag up off of the ground, making Luna and Garrison both stare at me as I fished out a dossier with my signature already on it and a big blue ‘X’ next to where Luna was supposed to sign. “You should know what to do. Need a pen?”
Lulu had a hard time processing that. “... You teleported to get over here. You never set that down…”
“Don’t ask. It’s less scary this way.” Garrison rubbed his forehead, already accepting the headache.
“... Is this how you subdued Celestia?” Luna asked softly.
I looked her in the eye and made a face. “I overpowered her. Tacky, but it sends a message.”
The Princess of the Night; the so-called Raiser of the Moon, took the papers from me, magicked up a pen, and signed the paper. “Please don’t rip Celestia’s finger off.”
“It’s happening, Sweets.” I gave her a small apologetic smile. “It’s actually just been happening since I said it would happen. Let me go stop that.” After a quick blink to collect myself, I gave Luna a smile.
“... Where did you just go and why did you not bring Celestia?” Luna asked slowly.
“She’s having her finger sewn back on at the moment. Free of charge.”
Her fists balled up, but Garrison jabbed at me first by cheating with Wing Magic and blowing me straight onto his fist-
Ω Pfff-c-c-c-cocaaaine! Ω
That’s-
☬ I swear I could feel her guts. ☬
Nigga-
☬ I didn’t get very deep, but she took it like a proper ol’ gal- YEEEOW!. ☬
Ω This is why you shut up at a certain point. You were saying, Jayne? Ω
☬ You stabbed me with a- ☬
So Garrison cheated like a lil’ bitch and I ate his punch because I eat punch muffins for breakfast. Literally, somedays. To practice telekinesis, I’ll punch a muffin apart in mid-air and eat it as I break it apart. Like a badass. Anyway, Garrison’s punch actually kinda sucked since I was still smaller than him and Demon claws, but I had Yokai claws to back me up. I sank my fingers into his arm only to find out that his Demonflesh wasn’t Necrotic or even Humanoid. No, my claws pierced the thick outer layer of Garrison’s arm and continued into what felt like a raging hurricane, slowly getting sucked deeper into him-
☬ So it’s okay when you do it? ☬
Ω Don’t bitch. Ω
Listen to the youngest guy here. Anyway, Garrison, my dear ol’ friend, decked me in the jaw with his carapace-like fist and thankfully freed me from his freezing cold insides. I put some distance between us to look at my fingers and saw that they were severely wind-burned and had welts on them from what appeared to be pieces of awfully hard hail. Shaking my hands to get feeling other than pain back into them wasn’t really working out for me, so I shot Garrison a shitty look to get my point across and nearly started blasting him with Hornets before he shot me a flat look and extended a wing to stop Luna from coming after me herself.
“Way to be a proper cunt, Jayne.”
“You kill people for less.” I scoffed.
He shot me a darker look. “For transparent bluffs?”
I shrugged. “What can I say? I don’t like bullshit. Or Celestia. You shouldn’t like her either.”
He winked at me. “Oh, I wish I could do things to that Mare that these claws would be well suited for, but she matters to my sister, so she matters to me. Don’t fuck with what matters to me, Jayne.”
“You? You’re giving me an ultimatum?” I scoffed.
“I have gods on my side.”
“So where’d ya get them there claws from, sexigrill?” I asked huskily.
“Point Jayne, counterpoint ensuing: The wings are Mare-Magnets.”
“You look like an edgy little bitch.”
“I don’t know why looking sharp has any negative connotation to it, but thank you. I’ll continue looking sharp for as long as I please.”
I looked at his lack of armor and generally decent casual apparel. “Yeah, no, if we fight you die. Do you even know how to use Arcana?” I asked, drawing my right thumb up from my navel to my solar plexus, then curling my hand around as if pretending to grasp a stress ball. Then I grasped an invisible soddering iron.
“I can fight without the fancy Magicks, but I’m sure you’d rather end this peacefully as I do.”
I popped my neck and held up my purpling fingers. “These are going across dat face, bitch ny-uga.”
He gave me an odd look. “But why?”
“Because you low-key happen to be a piece of shit. And you threw the first,” I inhaled and breathed out my little friends as I shouted, “Punch!”
Sadly, bugs burn good and proper when you set them on fire with plenty of air to keep that fire hot as fuck, but at least Garrison went on the defensive. I called off my attack when I knew he wasn’t going to try anything and he dropped his Flame Shield with a droll look. “Really now?”
“Had to check and see if you were really just being protective of your little sister’s Mom or whatever. We cool?”
He shrugged. “I’ll let it go if you let Luna go heal her sister properly.”
“I could only lend her Magic, but I can numb the pain. Drop your wards, Jayne. It would be quite the measure of good faith after torturing a prisoner.” Luna reasoned.
I waved my hand in a fun, creative manner and sent her there myself, the Aether splitting the Ether for me easily. “You know I’m low-key pissed about that, right? That kidney shot?”
“If I didn’t do something, Celestia would tell Aria that I don’t care about her,” He answered with an apologetic smile. “If it makes you feel any better, your claws fucking hurt.”
“So do yours, prick.”
“Eat my sausage and tell me what’s going on around the Guild.”
“Right after you give me the deets on Equestria’s down-lows.”
Garrison nodded. “The Circuit and the Manehattan Markdown Mafia are coming around to the Guild, but we don’t have a steady stream of jobs from either yet. I’ve been getting in, schmoozing a little with the delegates they send to me, and the gifts I send aren’t too important. It’s enough to establish connections, but trust is hard to gain in Equestrian deep circles. More so than anywhere else, I’m told.”
“S’probably why things have been coasting and roasting over here, by which I mean shit’s mad hot. The Guild is already seventy five strong in Minosia alone, and everyone’s sworn the oaths. Nobody seems to be trying to short the Guild as far as Frieda and Dotty Inkblot are concerned. Nobody likes the fees, but a few people have already paid up enough to get out of jail if they already get caught, so it doesn’t seem like that bad of a deal anymore. What about how The Circuit’s moving?”
“My inside man is still trying to get deeper in the ranks to see what’s really going on, but from the looks of things, it looks like they’re neutral with most of our possible allies and hostile to the friends we don’t want associated with the Guild. I’m still recruiting for that position we need, but I doubt I’m going to find it in Equestrian organized crime. No one thinks big enough.”
“Damn. I mean, that’s good news since we can start changing the tides as we please, but it’s going to be a shit-brick through your window if they burn you. What about the Fruit Family Mafia?”
“Ladesa was Applejack’s lover.”
“Brick.” I droned.
“Yeah, that’s not happening. The Veggie Vindicators are a joke and the Buffalo Braves are too far from the mainland to be useful. They’d be trainers or something of the sort at best.”
“Nah, let’s not get involved with them. On the flip side, what’s the Manehattan group doing?”
“Ah, they’re making a move into the Cursed Item Dispellation business. Fake-dispel a curse and reclaim it when the curse eats whoever bought the item. Tricky business, but effective and lucrative if you know your stuff. Before you ask, we’ve already gotten a higher level of job from them, but the set was rigged. It might not be in our best interest for us to work with them after all.”
“What do you mean by ‘the set was rigged’?”
“I mean that they either would have stiffed us cold with a cursed item and nowhere to sell it or gotten one of our own laid down with it after dropping the item off. It wasn’t worth the risk of them taking us for granted and potentially killing one of our own.”
“Fair enough. Any news on the Canterlot Casing Crew?”
“They’re still elusive, but I’m sure I’ll find them eventually. Now, about Bite-Back Minosia and the Guild?”
I shrugged. “There isn’t much to say. Bite-Back loves me and the Guild’s doing great so far. They’re keeping the nobility in check and the money flowing back into the community, so it’s pretty much just been kosher, my guy.”
“Good to hear. I trust your Cabinet’s been treating you well?”
“The jokes are good, but I’m still getting tail puns.”
Garrison chuckled at that. “Yank the tail of the next fool to say something about it.”
“Does that mean you too?”
“No tail, sadly. My arse is bereft of that particular decoration.”
I snorted and Mari asked for the the controller, so I let her have it since she asked. “... Hi, Garrison.”
He gave her a gentle, pleasant smile. “Mari, I presume?”
“Eeyup… Heh-heh…” She gave him a shy smile and brush a lock of hair behind her ear.
“How are you?”
“... I’m okay. How are you?”
“I’d feel better if you hit Jayne for me, but I’m still doing well, though I’ve yet to draw water.”
She giggled at that, her smile widening. “... You’re pretty funny.”
“Funny? I never thought of myself as anything other than snarky.” He smirked at her.
She pursed our lips, giving Garrison a look. “You’re funny and pleasant most of the time…”
“I try. Whenever you decide to talk to me, I’ll be sure to put forth a little extra effort.”
She smiled at that, but the rueing was strong. “... I wish Gods weren’t so nosy…” She said softly.
“So do I, but that’s what they get for living forever. Old people are nosy.”
Mari giggled a little. “... It was nice talking to you… Kaid Cosantoir.”
I blinked from inside the Shell and Garrison blinked in a different body entirely. “... My real name…”
“I remember hearing it when Twilight killed Max… It’s a nice name.”
“Thank you. I’m rather fond of Mariana myself.”
“Thank you… It… I- Goodbye for now, Kaid,” Mari said softly.
“Anytime, Mari.” He waited for me to take control to slip his usual mask back on, which I thought was polite at least. He could have always told me to go fuck myself or something, I took the sentiment for what it was worth.
We idly chatted back and forth until Luna came back with Celestia, both sisters looking rather upset about Celestia’s bandaged hand. I waved, Garrison waved, but they didn’t wave. That was rude, so I sent all three of their asses back to Equestria because I was more pissed about that than I had any right to be. Still, it was brutal to know that the punkass-bitchass Celestia was going to walk of out of my castle without having eaten a bullet. Kinda. Depends on how you look at it, honestly. I remember multiple movies where fingers get shot off at some point in the action. And I’ve seen the Grotesque series, so a little finger-ripping didn’t strike me as too bad. I didn’t need the whole, ‘We won’t forget this offense blah blah suck our huge clits blah blah we’re strong too.’ bullshit, so I didn’t put up with it.
With my mood thoroughly soured, Diane orbited me, throwing things at me until she got my attention. She’d been quiet and pleasant throughout my entire affair with the royalty and Garrison, but now she was pelting me with fruit that grew increasingly seedy until she hit me with a pomegranate. It was tasty, but I was mostly mad that she threw a pomegranate at me. She got my attention and gave me a lecture over being hardcore about not giving a fuck, but then I proved that I gave a fuck about her by Frenching her and making the most out of the break in the ‘action’. Other than that, half of the next week passed in relative calm as compared to my first month of ruling. Things seemed to be gaining steam in a good way that I didn’t doubt would benefit the overall cause, but there were some stirrings in Serpest that had me worried.
Garrison hadn’t told me about his quest, but I’d already dispatched a few spies to go and check out what was going on in the turbulent tribal lands of the Naga. Things were heating up for apparently no real reason, and Ynuntu wasn’t addressing the infighting that was breaking out between clans at all. Smaller tribes were trying to set up territory outside of Serpestian lands and no one was trying to have that, so cries for Ynuntu to get ahold of her people came fast and frequently. Sadly, she answered them with silence, so I sent a delegate for myself to ask her to keep her prideful, scaly fucks off of my land before I chased them away with big blocks of ice. It was bullshit, but those were the exact words that I wanted to send to Ynuntu, so my lucky Ambassador got to bear the brunt of her irritation when she got the joke. I heard that the guy got quite the earful to return to me, but I’m his sovereign Queen, so he couldn’t exactly tell me off on someone else’s orders. I arranged for a meeting with Queen Bast of the Great Sands since she was having the same problem I was, but sandier.
I’ll go ahead and get to that meeting since it was actually pretty fucking cool. It happened around the same time Garrison left for Serpest, so I’ll start off by saying that Hermione was taking over for me at the Ironclad Castle and was managing business for our small empire while I fucked off to the Great Sands to meet up with Bast and a few Heads from the Grand Council of Pawsine. I took the Teleportation Station there, but the actual Palace of the capital city was a couple hours away. I’d brought Ligre, Midas, and Jorr along with me as my Honor Guard and had a normal contingent following as we traveled through the Grand city of Niple.
I shit you not.
If you don’t believe me, just look at that shit on an atlas. Anyway, Niple was supposed to have been cooler than like, most of the towns around the Great Nip River, but the sandy ass, drab ass town was as fucking baking as anywhere else. Unfortunately my body decided that then and there was a good time to tell me that I don’t sweat, so I just got to be hot as fuck without any of the adverse effects. It was nice that I was a Fire Yokai at the moment since I didn’t have to worry about dehydrating like, ever, but it did mean that I would have to start dressing for cooler weather. As it was, Ligre and Jorr shut the fuck up and kept to themselves after I damn near ripped their heads off ten minutes into the walk, loudly bitching about diving into the first spot of shade I found. Lo’ and behold, while all eyes were turned, I ditched my guards and Teleblorped to the palace to bitch at the guards until they let me past the gates.
I did an awful lot of irritable grumbling on my way to Bast’s Court only to be told to go wait in a sitting room before I got to see her, which wasn’t technically a snub. She could have been accounting for teleport lag, which I was definitely experiencing, or she might not have wanted to deal with me while I felt like bitching. Either way, the Molly I ended up following had a Calico Coat and was rather stoic in her demeanor while I grumbled about sand and heat and heat and sand. I asked her how she put up with the bullshit and she responded that everywhere was a litterbox and cacti make great scratching posts, which made me quit bitching and start giggling. Shit was so retarded that I couldn’t help but laugh, surprising the servant and making her crack more cat-related jokes, like finding Catnip in the Great Nip River and Niple being the suckiest city on the planet.
We eventually got to the sitting room while I was giggling like a madwoman, almost laughing too hard to notice that the room was significantly cooler than the rest of the everywhere I’d gone. I took a deep breath and sighed hard when the cool air coated my hot, dry skin. “Does that feel better, Your Majesty?” Krissa, the aforementioned calico, asked.
“Much~ Max Almighty, it feels great in here!” I chuckled gratefully.
“Then perhaps you wouldn’t mind revealing why you came here alone?” She inquired suspiciously.
I shrugged. “Midas smells bad and Ligre is like a fucking radiator anyway. My Honor Guard is too hot to be around, they take forever, and I really don’t need ‘em.”
“Yet you walked into a trap.” Krissa leapt at me.
Sista ducked, walked out of the room, and sealed the door with a couple quick engravings. I could hear the Cat Scratch Fever going on behind the door, so I strolled on along until I met another servant, which sounded like, “Yo! You with the fiery coat!”
The Tom stopped what he was doing and looked at me, his ears flicking. “... Yes?”
“That’s yes ‘Your Majesty’, and can you tell me why I almost got killed like, five minutes ago?”
His jaw dropped before he bowed. “I-I apologize for not recognizing you, Queen Jayne. I thought you would have been traveling with guards…”
“I was, now I’m not. Mind taking me to Bast so I can file a complaint and make her rub my back?”
“... What?”
“I’ve heard Cats are excellent massueses,” I answered loftily.
Bruhman’s brow twitched. “Oh… That makes... Sense. Yes, Your Majesty, allow me to lead you to my Queen.”
And so he lead me down some halls I’d already been down and back to the Court, where Bast was delighted to invite me and close Court for the rest of the day, oddly enough. When I got into the room itself, I learned that it was because my Honor Guard had showed up and Midas was getting ready to raise a little more than a fuss. I assumed that he had some kind of Locator Spell attuned to me that would help him find me since I could be slippery during things like dress fittings and Royal Hair Appointments.... Fuck. Those. Things. In this case it actually turned out to be useful, but never let me actually say ‘Thanks’ to that double-dickhead for it. As it was, Bast sighted me while our guards were getting ready to start a small riot and I waved to her. She waved back politely for someone who’d just tried to have me killed. Or something. I didn’t know whether or not it was her or someone who was trying to get her killed, but I was pretty sure that it was that last one.
“Yo! All Y’all just fuckin’ chill out, okay? Mommy’s here to hold your hands~” I said loudly enough to be heard, unlike Bast.
Midas turned to me with a look promising words later in the night, so I sighed on the inside and tried to look regal on the outside. Bast steered clear of my peeps and gave me a nod. “Queen Jayne, I’d been told that you were sighted in the palace-”
“Yeah, on your orders.” I said flatly.
She blinked. “... Beg pardon?”
I picked my purse up off the floor, shook it reeeaaal good, and then dumped out a dizzy, vomit covered Molly named Krissa. It made sense to my people because they’d seen me do the same thing to a couple of assassins, but no one in the Grand Litterbox knew of my Mad Trix yet. “Anyone recognize her? Or that smell?”
“It’s vomit, M’lady.” Jorr snarked.
“That’s a paddlin’, smartass.”
“Yes M’lady.”
I counted back from ten because Jorr knew what the fuck he was doing and I hated his kinky ass for abusing my own convoluted rules. “Keep calling me that and I’ll make you a eunuch this time.”
Bast’s jaw dropped but Jorr squeed. I didn’t even have time to turn around and even get ready to slap his ass before Midas clapped a hand over his mouth, Ligre hit him in the solar plexus, and he got shut down by getting shoved near the opposite end of my squad. “... I see you have some issues with… Discipline?”
I gave her a dead look. “It sucks when they start liking it. Especially if they’re halfway crazy already.”
“Your Majesty,” Midas said softly.
“You bovine bitch,” I hissed.
“I wasn’t implying anything.”
“Traitor. That’s a paddlin’.”
He let out his most weary sigh. “Yes, Your Radicoolness.”
“Thank you.” I reached over and patted his arm. “Would you like an apple?”
The pain in his eyes tickled. “Yes, Your Awesome-Sauceumness.”
I reached into the folds of my robes and produced a chilled Minosian Gold. “It’s fresh~”
“Damn.” I heard from one of my other guards.
I turned back to Krissa and punted her skull before she could get her wits about her, knocking her out cold before I turned to Bast with a smile. “I didn’t want her sprinting off or anything. Now, is this little kitty one of yours?”
Bast stared at me. “... No.”
“Ah, then let me just handle this real quick.” I whistled for the Furies to come pick up the trash and they dragged her off into the Nether. “God, I love watching them do that.”
Bast was quickly surrounded by her guards, so I folded my arms and stared them down until the other Queen in the room gave the order for her men to part. “Queen Jayne, could you tell me why you would stoop so low as to employ Demons?”
I met her judgemental look with a nonchalant one of my own. “Demons get it done, and they get it done right the first time. I don’t have to worry about anyone getting mad if I take punishment too far with a Demon, so they stay on their P’s and Q’s, y’know?”
The sandy-coated Queen’s face grew hard and flinty. Metaphorically speaking, of course. “So you use torture to see your mission through.”
“With Demons. It’s never more than something stupid or unusual with the people who actually possess souls.”
“Did you not threaten to make one of your own guards a eunuch?”
“Did you hear how happy he was?”
“Be that as it may-”
“And he was purposefully trying to get punished. I was shutting him up with a show of force, but then the kinky little fucker got waaay too into it.”
“And the citizen of my country?”
“... You know she tried to kill me, right?” I asked flatly.
Bast shut up.
“Look, my way of doing things might be rough around the edges, but you gotta realize that I’ve been royalty for maybe two months? If that. Before I was Queen, I was just some small town Artificer with a male body, a fantastic dick that I miss a lot, and a couple sweet little Mares that kept me as happy as I could get most days. I mean, life was all sorts of fucked, but it was nice, right?” I shrugged. “Shit happened, I killed Herodotus, and know I’m a shit-dickin’ dick-shittin’ Queen. You tell me how that’s fair.”
“... It would seem that I’ve cast judgement a touch too soon.” Bast admitted tenderly.
“Leave it to the Cats to actually have tact. Thank you.” I shot her a wink.
“You’re Drop-Dead Gorgeousness-” Ligre started.
“Do you want to get punched in the kidney?” I asked testily.
“That was a compliment.” Bast seemed to think I cared.
“I’m a man on the inside. Literally. I was born a man.”
“... Oh.”
“Your Prettiness-”
“You jet, ace a’ spades, pitch as the fuckin’ night sky black-ass nyugga: If you don’t shut the fuck up-”
“Perhaps I could be of assistance?” Bast offered.
“Sure, I’m game. What’s on your mind, Mrs. Magnificent?”
Bast cracked a smile and came closer, getting rid of some of the distance between us. “Well, for one, and I only say this because of the company we currently find ourselves in, I believe it would behoove you to at least attempt to act more like royalty. Your regal aura is nonexistent.”
I gave her a blank look. “... I literally killed Herodotus and stole his country.”
“And you rather act like it. It’s not a good image, my fellow Queen.”
I folded my arms and gave her a pouty look because I had a vagina and I was allowed to pout. “Well, the fuck else am I supposed to do? I’m quite literally too insane to hold up any manner of facade for more than a couple hours at a time without making something explode.”
Bast stopped nearby, our guards giving us room to talk. “Are you being honest?”
“Eeyup.”
“Well… Perhaps we could cover some-”
“Already been over it, I’m just brutally honest. I like your sarah.” I nodded at her.
“... Thank you?”
“It’s got a niche audience, but I happen to be in it. Niche. Niche. Nee-shay.”
Bast stared at me.
I smiled at her. “So who are the delegates from Pawsine?”
“... Rover and Dottie,” She sighed, “High Council Member Rover and Elder Dottie have decided to meet with the new Queen of Minosia on behalf of Pawsine. This is going to end in a war.” She sighed again, but this time with a vengeance.
“Which is exactly what Celestia wants.” I responded like it was obvious. Mostly because it was, but still. “Queen Jayne doesn’t exactly like to play proper, but she do do smart. Yeah, I said doo-doo. I probably shouldn’t in the future.”
Bast, in all her unimpressive glory, rubbed her face. “No, you shouldn’t. If you manage to not infuriate one of the two most irritable Council Members of the Grand Council, then I’ll be pleasantly surprised.”
“I’m not infuriating. I’m loveable.” I gave her a wink.
“... Sands protect us all,” Bast sighed.
“Your sands aren’t as cool as my apple trees!” I stuck my tongue out at her.
Bast gave me a look. “Please stop.”
“Right. My bad.”
“Your Majesty, Queen Bast,” Midas started, “if I may apologize on Queen Jayne’s behalf-”
“Don’t apologize yet! I haven’t even started making cat jokes!” I gave him a little whack and he bore it with patience.
The Cat Queen gave me a dull look before shaking her head and looking at Midas. “Your country is in grave danger, Minotaur.”
Midas shook his head. “Queen Jayne is a competent woman. It is simply beyond her patience to act like a normal leader anymore. If you knew of the amount of assassination attempts that we’ve yet to make public, you would find little reason to put up any kind of front.”
“I’ve seen my fair share.” Bast said flatly.
“More than fifty.” I said flatly.
She raised a brow. “That sounds about-” The thought of my reign crossed her mind. “... You’ve only lead your country for two months. Right.”
I gave her a little nod and my guards sighed for the most part. “I keep my people busy by working for the common man. Nobles don’t like me.”
“A Queen of the people.”
“A Queen with sense.” I thumbed my nose and sniffed. “If you don’t take care of your kids, they grow up to be assholes.”
She cracked a small smile. “Perhaps this is the side you should show more often?”
“Perhaps you should stop licking yourself.”
“Cats do that.”
“Everyone else doesn’t. What makes you too good for a normal bath?” I teased.
“We take normal baths as well.” Queen Bast drawled humorlessly.
“Wanna take a bath with me? We can talk more.”
“That does sound nice, but I would still like for our handmaids to be-”
“Shit! I forgot to invite Bellony!” I facepalmed.
“And you forgot to include any females in your Honor Guard, Your Capriciousness.”
I gave him a look. “The only reason you’re getting away with that is because I don’t want to have to go surf the information stream to find out what it means.”
‘It basically means shifty or given to sudden change.’ Mari informed.
“Nevermind. I just remembered what it meant and that’s a paddlin’ you cheeky bastard.”
Ligre couldn’t say shit other than, “Yes, Your Stalwartness.”
“Damn straight.” I huffed. Turning back to Bast, I asked, “Are your people ever this lippy?”
“Only the ones that know they can get away with it.” Bast admitted with a mild grin. “You may want to choose more wisely in the future.”
I shrugged. “Whether my people give me shit or not, everyone still knows who’s boss. At the end of the day, my word is law and I have the strength to make sure that law stays in order, y’know?”
“And you would think that I don’t?”
I gave Bast a little grin. “Now, when did I say that?”
“You didn’t, but you implied it.”
“Let’s just get our bath and forget about the heat of this unnecessarily sandy bastard of a country. At least, I’d like to get non-dry.”
“You mean- Oh. Yes, let us get non-dry in the bath,” Queen Bast said.
I cracked another smile and chuckled a bit. “You’re a little new to this Queen stuff
too, right?”
“Just a little. If you’d like to have one of your guards accompany you-”
“The only one I’d let go is Midas and he wouldn’t want to intrude. I can handle myself well enough for my guards to all be comfortable outside of wherever we go.”
Bast nodded and started giving orders, so I called a huddle, seperated my boys into two teams, and had the other Queen give us some rooms to rest in so that my crew could catch a break after all the commotion. She commended me for looking after my team and did the thing, so shortly after that, Midas and Ligre discussed who would attend me and Ligre won the battle, but I paddled him in front of everyone before we did anything to make sure I followed through on my promise. I just hit Jorr in the head with the wooden weapon of whoopin’s because he didn’t find that kinky, which was good.
After our bath, which included a talk about me being a man on the inside and not finding any of the races outside of the Ponies truly attractive, we dried off and went our separate ways for the night, still sending each other notes and jokes from our countries as we could think of them. It was a pleasant night, in all honesty, since I only had to deal with one half assed assassination attempt and that was thwarted easily enough. Well, it wasn’t that wasn’t exactly the most complicated plan I’d seen. That was obvious.
When I got to my room and got scolded by Midas, I had Hermione come in for a quick talk and a kiss goodnight, but the Pawsine Council Members arrived just before I could fall asleep, so I had to go greet them with Bast or appear rude as fuck for choosing to sleep instead of saying hi. When I got to the Conference Room that we were holding the meeting in, Bast was wide awake and I was nursing a cup of coffee while the Pawsine Advisors seemed to be looking at both of us in utter disdain for no apparent reason. Well, Dottie was actually looking at us with mild interest, but she seemed to be copying Rover at the moment.
When I met Dog One and Dog Two, I was courteous, but I made it clear that I’d had a full day and wanted a nap as soon as possible as politely as I could, surprising Bast by a fair bit. Dottie understood, but Rover bitched about not receiving the proper respect that a delegate should and I shut him up by saying that I was a Queen and the sole Queen of my country, most of the time. He had a lot of luxuries that I didn’t, and as such, he should have shut the fuck up, but I laid into him about just how privileged and special his job was before he shut up like the bitch he was. After that, I went to sleep and that should be about where Gauche left off.
☬ Sounds about right. ☬
Ω Cool, so we pick up with Oldboy and his misadventures? Ω
Eeyup.
✧❖☬❖✧
“You’re going to get us killed,” Amaretta whispered furiously.
“We’ll be fine.” I answered, looking around the capital of Serpest with mild interest.
For one, the buildings of Serpest were all made of mudbrick and precious little else, though I imagine that wood supports had been built in to help the country not fall the fuck apart. For two, the whole place reeked of reptiles to the point where Amaretta was donning a mask and I was tempted to do the same myself. At least the scent of cooking meat was on the air, though that may have played into why Amaretta was so quick to put on her smell-blocker. I was fine since the smell of animals rarely bothered me, but I was aware of the odd looks we kept getting as we walked down the main road to the First Longhouse. We were obviously outsiders, and no one was fond of making friends with outsiders in Serpest, apparently.
“Gauche! I don’t wanna die! Snake-Ponies don’t like fliers or Ponies in general! This is suicide!” She hissed in low tones, pulling on my arm as I dragged her along.
“Well then, you’d better stop attracting attention.”
“We do that anyway!”
“Oh, do we? I hadn’t noticed.” I answered aloofly.
She hit me. “Gauche!”
“Female! You dare strike your male!?” Some fuck called out, garnering more attention than we’d already been gathering.
I hit Amaretta back and made her stumble. “There, we’re even.”
There were a few grumbles in the crowd as Amaretta rubbed her arm and mumbled curses about sexism, which was rich coming from an Equestrian.
As we continued along, I was asked if I really could fly and I often told people that the wings were a new addition, earning myself many offers to have them cut off. I denied all offers and had to beat one particularly shiny Snakeman up to make him stop trying to clip my flappy fwappies. It was a widely well received public event that I was complimented on by the crowd, though that’s because I beat a guy with a greatsword while using a quarterstaff, and he was easily twice my size. Other than getting a share of the bets that had been levied against me, nothing happened and I even got to have a symbol painted on my forehead to show that I was apparently cool by Naga standards. More people came up to talk to me before Amaretta and I made it to the First Longhouse with most of them asking how I managed to get the Mark of the Blooded.
I fought. It was that simple.
After a nice, warm walk that wasn’t all too bad, all things considered, Amaretta and I came to the palisade of the First Longhouse and stated our business so that we could be let in. Sadly, the moat that surrounded the place was also the way in, so we either had to fly or swim across the cold, tepid water. I looked around at the shrubbery and generally flat grounds of Corule and decided that Amaretta and I weren’t going to go swimming, which got spears thrown at us until we landed. Apparently it was a Naga custom to chuck things at fliers until they didn’t fly anymore, which I found racist and very unnecessary for the sake of our relationship as a whole. Once I got into the Naga longhouse, I didn’t have to wait long to hear from Ynuntu. In fact, the three hundred year-old serpent lady was rather spry and sprightly when she heard that she had a new guest, especially one she could make do something. She had Amaretta and I sit in front of some weapons and hear some tales from a Storyweaver to keep us entertained before she herself actually showed up, but when she did, I can’t say I was terribly surprised.
When I saw that she was a python of some kind, or rather, she had the colouration of one, I assumed that she was one of the longest lived members of her species. She definitely seemed a little on the old side, but she had a youthful energy about her that made her seem younger than I’d heard. When the Storyweaver saw that his interesting liege had come to call, he bowed low on his coiled tail and slithered away, promising to tell us the rest of the terribly lovely tale another time. I rose from the floor, Amaretta having fallen asleep to the sound of the fellow’s voice and the incense hanging in the air. I’d been lulled to a decent state of calm, but nothing too inebriating as to make worry about not being at the top of my game.
“Welcome to Serpest, Garrison Varas. Are you comfortable yet?” Ynuntu asked softly, her voice sounding like a woman around my age.
“Quite, actually. It’s quite the pleasure to meet you, Your Grace.” I said pleasantly.
She giggled. “Oh, it’s far nicer to meet a dry flier for once. I don’t really get out of the longhouse much these days, so it’s always novel to see one of your kind.”
“I have to admit that it’s nicer to meet Naga who doesn’t hate me for having wings.” I gave her a smile.
“Oh, it’s just some left over racism from the Dragon wars. It’s truly nothing against you fine feathered folk.” She gave me an easy smile, her forked tongue flicking casually. “In any case, is there anything I can offer you to make you more comfortable in my home?”
I whipped out a sheathed blade from my bag and presented it to her. “If you wouldn’t mind looking this over for me, I’d appreciate it.”
She raised a scaled brow and gave me an odd look as she took the knife from me. “Is there anything you want me to do with it?”
“Can you keep it for me? I’d like it if you kept it.”
“Why would I do that?” She asked playfully.
“Because it’s a good present~”
Ynuntu stuck her tongue out at me and giggled some more, checking out the blade. “Ooo~ it is pretty. Did you get this from Minosia?”
I nodded and shrugged. “Queen Jayne is a friend and I have some connections in Minosia that make me a popular figure. Little gifts like this make their way into my hands, and then I get to pass them along to people who hopefully won’t try to stab me in the back with them.”
“Oh, I won’t stab you in the back until you give me a reason to. Until then, why don’t we delay your quest a little bit longer and not have you die a horrid death for some silly reason?”
“Lovely! Would you happen to have any tea?”
“I do not, but I do have alcohol~” She grinned deviously.
“You’re trying to rape me.” I snorted.
“It’s not rape if you’re aware of what I’m trying to do~”
“No, you getting me drunk while having this sleeping incense burning is rapey. I don’t actually have to sleep, you know.”
“Aww… Are you sure I can’t convince you for a normal romp in the hay?”
“I’m married.”
“Curses.”
“Would you like to talk some more?”
“Yes, actually.” Ynuntu the Youthful smiled some more. “Would you like to meet some of my consorts?”
“Are they going to hold me down so you can rape me?”
“They might hold you tight so I can try you~”
“Please stop.”
“I’m a very influential woman~!”
“I’m a very influential man who doesn’t want to cheat on his wife.”
“Admirable I suppose.” She sighed. “I’ll make some tea.”
“I’ll be right here.” I gave her a little smile.
Ynuntu slithered away calmly and came back a few minutes later, so I carried Amaretta over to a low sitting table that I had to kneel at to be at a decent height to use. It was a little uncomfortable, but I was fine with the pillow beneath my knees. We talked about random things for a little while as I waited for the drugs in the tea to purge themselves from my system, as evidenced by the nasty yellow sludge that I spat into the cup when I was finished with it. Ynuntu was a little abashed at her third attempt having fell through, so she offered me amnesty from athree crimes should I ever commit them in her country and offered to meet with me the next day to give me my quest since she was sure that I was tired of putting up with her advances. She was right, of course, so I got a little wigwam for myself and Amaretta for the night.
The wigwam was warm and so was the night, but for the most part I was partially trying not to pass out or succumb to the hallucinations that were taking over throughout the night as my mind weakened due to the effects of the sleeping reagents Ynuntu had tried to feed me. I mean, I kept my wits about me while pink elephants paraded around me and the Naga that were supposed to be my guards kept trying to come into the structure, so it turned into a long, anxious night filled with paranoia and more than a little bit of snuggling up to Amaretta for the sake of not feeling alone. I really must say that I’ve never understood the appeal behind hallucinations, as much as those Helix Root users tried to justify the ‘trip’. Never before have I experienced something so uncannily unpleasant as that.
After that long, unfortunate night, I saw the sun outside and Amaretta woke up along with it, so I myself tried to stop tripping before we went back to the longhouse. I didn’t and I was still quite weirded out by the world and all of the shifting shapes and colours, but I was of sound enough mind to remember what I was supposed to be doing, so I made sure that I was actually going to get my mission before anything too crazy happened. Upon re-entering the First Longhouse, I threw up and had to be escorted back outside and Ynuntu exited her longhouse to accommodate me.
“Can’t handle a little heat?” Ynuntu asked innocently.
I gave her a shitty look. “You’re effectively poisoning me at this point.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.”
“I know, which is why I’m still here. What do you even want me to do?”
Ynuntu the Youthful whipped out the dagger I’d given her yesterday and held it out to me. “Can you coat this in the blood of a Basilisk? It would be useful for a luck ritual that would go a long way in soothing my people’s weary hearts.”
“Why should I help you now that you’ve tried to rape and poison me?”
“Because the being that told you to come here told me that you have no choice.”
I shot her a shitty look. “The being told me to come here told me to sacrifice someone. I name you as my choice.”
“Aww, Sweetie~!” She crooned miserably. “Come give me some sugar, won’t you?”
“No.”
“Pleeease? I won’t have you arrested if you do~”
I stared at her before glancing at Amaretta, who nodded rapidly. Turning back to the scaly grandma with the young voice, I gave her a dead look. “If I kiss your cheek, will you tell me where to go?”
“I sure will, my little fleshy one.” She gave me a toothy smile.
I came over and gave her a kiss, getting licked in the process. “There.”
“See, that wasn’t so bad, was it?”
“I can taste you.”
“And that’s odd, but I’m not surprised. You’ll need to travel to the northern Serpestian border; the one we share with the Kappa clans. The Basilisk is said to live somewhere in the Fallen Forest, so it shouldn’t be difficult to find. Killing it, however, should prove a little more difficult.”
I sighed. “Can you tell me anything about this beast, or do you just want me to go and die while trying to kill it?”
“Oh, the Basilisks in Serpest aren’t often aggressive, but that’s because we generally kill them while young. This one seems to have been able to survive for about fifty years and make itself grow to a considerable size. It’s petrifying gaze has weakened over the time it’s taken to grow to the size it has by my people’s accounts, but it’s still supposed to be quite formidable.”
“... And you haven’t sent anyone to deal with it before now because…?”
“I haven’t felt like it. I’ve had far more pressing matters to deal with than some stony lizard.”
“Except it’s the biggest stony lizard you’ve likely ever seen and it’s terrorizing your people.”
“More pressing matters.”
“Right.”
She sighed. “Would you like a guide?”
“Yes, please.”
“Then I’ll arrange for you to be given someone to lead you to the forest. Do try and bring them back alive.”
“I don’t want people to die, so don’t worry about that.”
“I’ll choose not to and leave my daughter in your capable hands. Just know that if she breaks a claw while trying to help you, I’m ripping one of your paws off.”
“I’ll suffocate this entire longhouse and not give a fuck.” I replied flatly, giving a fuck while lying.
Ynuntu opened her mouth and closed it. “Right. You know we can just go hide underwater, no?”
“I’m sure you could until I froze it.” I countered.
“Fair point. Stop threatening me and go wait in the room I prepared for you.”
“Stop making me threaten you. Until we meet again.”
Instead of flying across the moat for a fourth time, I decided to create a water bridge and allow myself and Amaretta to walk across without fear of actually getting wet. She still got a little soggy around the tip of her tail, but it was nothing worth complaining about for more than a few minutes. Once we alighted back to our borrowed home, Amaretta switched to Shade Rose and I asked her about Basilisks, though she could only tell me to stab it in the eyes, basically. It sounded like a plan that was far worse than just suffocating it until it was dopey and slitting its throat, so I told her that I was either going to drown it or choke it with Magic. She liked my plan and tried to get me to give her some more blood, but I told her to shut up and wait for the time where she was actually hungry instead of peckish.
She coaxed a little out of me before our guide showed up, but it’s not like I let her have a lot. Shade got a mouthful and was a pleasant girl afterwards, swallowing the load I’d given her with a smile on her face. I found the fact that she grew flirty and touchy-feely after feeding to be odd, but she mostly just poked fun at me and smiled lasciviously at me until I responded to her advances one way or another. When I let her know that I wasn’t interested in the sex, she was a little disappointed, but she was glad to hear that I would give her a hug. Our guide showed up five minutes into the simple hug that had been extended faaar too long by Jayne’s new stalker and she just looked at us.
Shade stared at her until Ynuntu’s daughter said, “... Am I interrupting something?”
“Yes.” Shade said, nuzzling me.
I tried shoving Shade off of me for the thousandth time. “Can you help me out here?”
“Oh, just a little longer~” The Vampiress bargained.
“You said that five minutes ago.” I grunted.
“Aww…” She let go, sighing. “Is it a crime to want your warmth?”
“No, it’s adulterous,” I deadpanned.
“Well maybe you should divorce your wife for someone prettier?”
“My wife is a warrior. You’re a seductress. Your appeals are different.”
“Choose the warrior, fleshy one. She will prove more useful than a whorse.”
“And you might just not come back alive.” Shade said darkly.
The Naga raised a brow. “There is little in this nation that I cannot handle. You are on that list.”
“So you say now, Yellow-Belly.”
Ynuntu’s daughter drew herself up higher on her tail to make herself taller. “... I look forward to seeing you die, whorse.”
“Likewise, coil.”
“I don’t understand this pissing contest, nor do I particularly care for it. Who wants to get started on our journey so we can finish it faster?” I raised my hand.
Shade nodded. “Let’s.”
The Naga nodded. “Sense from an older male is quite worthy of listening to. We shall proceed as you say, Elder.”
Shade pointed at me. “I’m at least four thousand years older than him.”
“Three.” I corrected.
“What?”
“I’m a thousand years old.”
“And males are three times wiser than most females, so we follow the fleshy one’s lead. No Naga would ever follow a Mare.”
Shade shot her a dirty look, but I didn’t particularly care, instead preferring to head out of the wigwam and into the day for some good old fashioned walking since my traveling companions felt like arguing. My mood was fine, but Shade seemed like she could use a drink and the Naga refused to tell her name to us, so she was pretty annoying herself. I started a conversation with her about whether or not Naga cooked all the meat they ate and she said that the only meat they didn’t cook was fish. I didn’t like that since fish needed to be cooked to avoid giving one parasites, but I figured that the Snake-People probably had that problem all sorted out without my intervention being necessary.
Over the course of the next few days, my little trio made our way across the somewhat narrow width of Serpest and came to a settlement that went by the name of Fangsum. It was one of the larger places with the most of the scaly bastards swarming about. The Fallen Forest was still a full day’s travel away and the only other thing I could do at the moment other than ditch my companions and make up all the time I had lost was stay with them and stop them from killing each other at that point. Nothing I’d tried had brought the female Naga and Shade to an understanding, and it was unwise for Shade to give Amaretta control after being caught in the driver’s seat, so we were a little stuck for a move.
I had to feed Shade again when we found a nice patch of open land to set our tents up on, and much to my surprise, we weren’t bothered by anything outside of our little group. The three previous nights of camping had held a giant bird attack, a pack of coyotes (Or some dog-like creature of the sort) and a wailing ghost that had begged for each of us to come out of our tents and save it in a child’s voice. If the female Naga hadn’t identified it before I could get out of my tent, I would have had a very short, very painful fight on my hands that would not have ended well, but the night we found Fangsum was eerily uneventful for what we’d had to deal with so far in our journey.
Over the course of that silent, peaceful night, I traded a few more stories with my companions as they did their best not to make eye contact with each other, their Alpha Female thing wearing on my nerves more than ever. Things were even worse on my poor, poor old man mind since Shade had saved us from the dog-creatures and the Naga had saved us from the ghost. They owed each other their lives and would likely never acknowledge that, and it was that sort of discourtesy and ingratitude between them that made me call it an early night and head to sleep with none of their further bullshit. With them on my mind and my mission making me wonder just what the fuck I was doing with my time and life, I rolled over, tossed and turned, and eventually gave up on sleeping when I felt my stomach go a little sour.
Something was making me nauseous as Hell and it wasn’t the stew I’d helped make for dinner. No, it was some kind of danger lurking nearby, but it didn’t take a genius to know that what we were tracking had found us and was likely going to start pulling bullshit soon. Over the course of a few minutes, I waited in my tent, my weapons at the ready while nothing happened. Then, like a shadow in the night, a dark figure cast a shadow on one of the walls in my tent before passing on, my heart freezing for the split second that I saw my quarry. Hope that Shade and the Naga were okay filled my heart, but I waited until my stomach was settled to go and check up on them.
Shade was sound asleep in her tent, but the Naga’s teepee had been knocked over and she herself lay on the ground unmoving, not even the slight rise and fall of possible breathing being discernible from about fifteen or so good paces away. Instead of doing the sensible thing and rushing over to check up on her, I got into the sky and looked around in all directions for any hint of the creature, but I couldn’t find so much as a footprint anywhere. Heading back to where Ynuntu’s daughter lay let me see that she was, in fact, breathing. Sadly, she was out cold and nothing I could do, not even pouring water into her snout and nose did much more than make her sputter in her sleep.
Tangerine Breeze had only taught me a small handful of First Aid Spells that would allow me to treat things like cracked or fractured bones and small lacerations, but I didn’t know if anything I had in my limited arsenal would tell me what the fuck had crept up on the Naga and put her to sleep so solidly, but had avoided turning her to stone. My diagnostic spell took a few tries to get going, but from the weakness of the result, I could tell that my companion was dying slowly. I had days to make sure that she would live, but I would have to find whatever did the thing to her and figure out how to not let her die. That was going to prove easier said than done, but when I got Shade up and moving for the day, she guaranteed me that she could keep the Naga alive for as long as I wanted her to live if I let her feed until she was full.
What other choice did I have but to agree?
Now, I’ve always fed Shade indirectly, but she wanted to draw my blood directly from the tap, so to speak, so I let her bite my wrist to get what she wanted and tried not to let the irritating pain turn my bad day worse. It took her a good while to be fully sated, but thanks to my Demon blood and accelerated healing factor, I wasn’t exactly incapacitated from a little blood loss.
✮ Wait, didn't it feel good at all? ✮
No. Now that you mention it, that is rather odd.
Ω I guess Garrison just isn’t as kinky as you, Jayne~ Ω
✮ Fuck it, at least I’m sexy ✮
Ω Meh. Ω
Damn. Anyway, Shade drank my blood and dropped a little of hers into the Naga’s mouth to keep her alive, though she mentioned that she was going to have to do it again and again until we solved our unique little problem. With that little piece of shit on our plates, I had to fly Ynuntu’s daughter to the nearest town since she was too heavy to carry and we left her in the care of a Shaman/Witch Doctor of some kind that promised to see her through to the end of whatever ailed her, one way or another. Shade opted to let me hunt for the thing that had snuck up on us alone since she needed to be near the Naga to give her blood, and I needed to find the thing and kill it with a dagger before more bad shit happened.
I chose not to wait any longer. It seemed like a good choice and it was probably the best one I could have made, so I flew away from Fangsum with a map and a compass until I found the most obvious aerial landmark that’s ever existed: A forest of fallen trees. Instead of slowing down, I started sweeping the forest, looking for a really big fucking lizard, but I couldn’t see anything in the hours that I searched the bloody place. I eventually decided to land on one of the trees, each of them as thick as a man is wide, and some of them thicker than even Twilight’s Treebrary. It was odd to see such a collection of massive pieces of wood, especially in a country with so little of it to go around. While I stood around regaining my magic and scratching my head, I heard some steps on some wood that stopped the second I started moving.
In order to make the movement look natural, I continued in the same fluid motion and started stretching in the direction I’d been going, but the footsteps didn’t continue. In a slightly desperate attempt, I cursed in Vulpha and casually swore at my luck in Common. From behind me, I heard an excited gasp that sounded non-sapient. It wasn’t a bad thing, but it wasn’t exactly the best news I’d had all day, even considering the fact that I was about to disappoint Empress Twilight or Kauku (Whatever the fuck she wanted to be called) by getting the wrong person killed. Well, I wasn’t certain, but I was sure enough, so I grasped at the straw that had flown into my path and turned toward the skittering sound.
As it turned out, my new little friend was a Basilisk, but obviously a young one. “[Hi! Hi-Hi-Hi there!]”
I gave it a nod, looking at the top of its head instead of its eyes. “[Hello, little one. Excitable, are we?]”
It opened its mouth and hissed in staccato, laughing. “[I’ve never met a Two-Leg before! Of courssse thisss isss cool!]”
“[And I’ve never met a Basilisk, so I supposed we’ve both met a certain quota for the day, hmm?]”
“[Oh, you can never have too many friendsss! Essspecially here in the Fallen Foressst!]”
“[Are there a lot of friends to make here?]” I asked politely.
The little scamp hopped its way over to me and climbed up so that its right claw was on my knee and its chin was on my thigh. “[Well, yeah! Thisss isss hallowed ground! The Matron doessn’t really like dealing with folksss who go around killing ssstuff here… That’sss kinda why Mom patrolsss for the Naga who come here to hunt.]”
“Dammit,” I grunted. “[Does your Mum ever leave the forest?]”
“[Nope! SSShe likesss it here too much. It’s a good place to lay eggsss, apparently. I’m just glad I don’t lay eggsss.]” The little male reptile blinked slowly.
I patted his head carefully. “[Ss- Er, so am I. Do you think you could take me to this Matron person?]
“[Ooo! Ooo! Can we go in the air!?]”
“[Yes. Yes we can.]” I picked him up carefully and he giggled. “[How’s this?]”
“[I can’t wait to finally fly!]”
“[Then let’s get to it,]” I said, already taking off.
While in the air, I could barely hear his squeals of excitement, but he gave me decent directions to the place we were supposed to go, which I could have found for myself if I’d been paying a little more attention. By that I mean it was cloaked by Magic and the only reason I was able to see it this time around was because of my passenger. As the sun was setting in the horizon, the little lizard had me drop him off on the edge of a giant circle that was formed with woven trees forming a giant basket. There was a tall, gnarled tree resting in the middle of the open glade, the sight of the sun’s fading light giving it an otherworldly glow, though it may have been the fucking globe on top of the tree that gave it the quality. I didn’t know what the thing was supposed to be, but it reminded me of a feeling I’d had in the Everfree, a certain energy to it that wasn’t exactly like Verdandi’s, but close to it.
The closer I came to the tree, the more animals came out of the woodwork. I stopped near the tree and heard some low growls sound as the roots parted and a woman walked up from the ground, breathing in the air deeply with a slight smile on her face before she suddenly frowned. I put my little Basilisk buddy on the ground since the woman seemed rather upset, as evidenced by the fact that she turned toward me, adjusted her skirts and started storming her way over. I raised my hands slowly and she stopped for a moment before continuing at a more relaxed pace.
“You! Why are you here?”
I waved to her. “Hail! I’ve come to subdue the giant Basilisk that’s been bothering the Naga, to be honest with you.”
She gave me a stern look. “And you smell of Verdandi because…?”
“Her forest kind of tried to trap me inside of it. I’m surprised that you know that beautifully unpleasant woman.”
The goddess’ frown eased and she looked at me with interest. “You’re an enemy of my sister?”
“I… Well… Um…” I bit my lip. “Well, I may have helped create a fire tornado to burn down some of her forest, so…”
The woman beamed brilliantly and started walking toward me again, her beauty shining through. “Then you are a friend to me! Welcome to the Fallen Forest, friend!”
I gave her a smile in turn and watch the little Basilisk run up to a much, much larger one. I averted my gaze before it could get me in trouble and looked at the woman’s breasts because they wouldn't turn me to stone-
✮ Nah, just wood. ✮
As I was saying, I replied with, “Thank you, friend. May I ask a favour of you?”
“Of course! Friends help friends, do they not?” She gave me a warm smile.
I returned her smile. “I need you to help me get some of the big Basilisk’s blood so I can go and bamboozle an old snake. That would be nice.”
“Mmm…” She replied, pursing her lips. “So that’s going to cost you, pal.”
“I’m willing to pay a certain price.” I answered.
“The blood of a hundred-year old Basilisk is pretty hard to come by, Mr. Cosantoir. I know you’re willing to pay the price, but you don’t know what it is.”
“... What is it and how do you-”
“Know your real name? I looked into the future. My name is Skuld, and I come to know you well in the time you will spend here.” She closed her eyes and looked off to the side, making a gesture with her hand. A large bird screeched and flew off as Skuld opened her eyes and looked to me again. “I will tell you my price in the morning, and we will negotiate for as long as you would like. For tonight, you are welcome to take shelter with me in my tree if you wish.”
I looked her in the eye and took a deep breath, holding it for a moment. “You can’t tell me now?”
“I don’t tell you until the morning. You will see why then.” She offered me a rueful grin and turned, walking back to her tree.
I looked around and watched her go, but I didn’t have any clue as to what else I should do. With nothing other than following Skuld to do, I chose that option and flew over to close the distance. She barely spared me a glance and opened her tree for us, leading me down to what felt like a hobbit hole. It was a cozy place, but there was only one pile of leaves, and Skuld went over to lay on it before I could consider it. I wondered if I could make a bed out of air and nearly gave it a shot before Skuld invited me into her bed of leaves.
✮ I’m telling Maud~ ✮
Ω Don’t be a snitch. Ω
We didn’t do anything anyways. Well, anything other than talk until she fell asleep, that is. Skuld just wanted to know more about me, so I gave her as many honest answers as I could in the magically low-lit space while she told me bits and pieces about herself. It wasn’t a terribly boring time, I can say that much. Still, I would have preferred to make sure that Ynuntu’s daughter didn’t die on my watch as soon as possible, and I was hoping that Skuld was going to be a little less than careful with what she asked of me. The multiple steps of my quest pissed me off a fair bit, but it was a necessary evil. That’s what I told myself to finally get some rest.
