//------------------------------//
// Chapter 32 - 'Tis The Season 
// Story: Off The Mark 
// by Goldfur 
//------------------------------//

Rarity shook her head.  “Mark, Discord is not someone who is simply found.  He shows up when and if he desires to.”  She frowned in thought.  “Well, actually, since all of us now embody the aspect of Harmony that we represent, I suppose the six or seven of us could summon him, but I doubt Fluttershy is in any mood to participate right now.”

“I really would like to talk to him, for Fluttershy’s sake.”  My wings drooped a bit.  “I was hoping it would be no more complicated than saying ‘Discord, Discord, Discord’.”

“I AM NOT BETELGEUSE!” yelled a familiar voice behind me, making me jump and poomf out my wings in panic.  I spun around to see the Lord of Chaos frowning down at me. He sniffed the air a few times, looked at Rarity and me, then shrunk back slightly and slapped a black gas mask over his face.  His exaggerated inhales and exhales echoed around the room, they were so loud.  He stood up with his back straight and held out his clawed hand.  “Pinkie Pie. I am your father.”

“If I hadn’t met some of her family, I could believe that,” I deadpanned.  “Give it up, Discord.  No one else gets that reference here.  And besides, I don’t think pony mares being in heat would have any effect on you.”

The gasmask turned into a thick, black snake which quickly crawled into one of his ears and disappeared. “First of all, human, I’ll have you remember that I am a ‘draconequus,’ not a ‘dracosapien’.  I see no reason why I can’t use the time of Season to be all snippy and catty like the rest of you mares.”

“Because you’re male.”

He blinked, held up a claw as if to make a point, then seemed to think better of it. “Well, you have me there.  I forgot what gender I was in this dimension. So sue me.”

Before I could speak, his eyes narrowed and he continued.  “On to the second point.  Are you trying to tell me that you haven’t told all of your friends here the space-faring adventure that defined the youth of your entire generation?”

Rarity lifted her head and smirked.  “It sounds like you have been holding out on us, Mark.  I believe story-time will be on tonight’s list of activities.”

Discord slithered next to me and mock-whispered in my ear.  “I forgive you not mentioning the prequels… unless you changed it to have Jar Jar as the evil Sith mastermind.”

The fashionista furrowed her brow.  “Sith? Mastermind?”

I punched Discord in the neck.  “Way to go, Spoiler-King.”

He pulled back and clapped his hand and paw together.  “Sorry.”  He held out a paw.  “Look, I’ll give you an edited screenplay for the sequels if that’s any help.  But you have to promise to tell the good episodes first.”

None of this was what I called him here to talk about, but with Rarity looking on expectantly, I nodded my acquiescence.

Discord beamed. “Good show, Glen or Glenda!  Now that that is settled, I simply must get back—”

I held up a hoof.  “STOP!” When he refrained from snapping his talons, I turned to Rarity.  “Would you mind giving us some privacy, please?”

“Not at all, darling.  You boys can, of course, keep your secrets.  I don’t mind in the least.”  The alabaster mare jauntily trotted out of the room with both of us watching her go.

Discord leaned close.  “She minds. Good luck keeping anything a secret from her.”

“Don’t I know it!”  I turned to look the draconequus in the eyes.  “It’s time.”

He blinked and frowned.

“I just told Fluttershy that I was not interested in her as more than as just a friend.  She left in tears, running right out in the thunderstorm to go home.  If you were planning to do something special for her, now is the time.”

His head snapped back.  “Oh… oh, I see.”  He fidgeted a bit, looking unsure of himself.  “Well, I just have one more thing to request and then…”  He teleported away, then a rift appeared and his head poked through.  I could see the place he was in was perhaps a valley of some sort – and it was sunny there. “Thanks,” he said, then pulled his head back through as the tear in space disappeared.

A few seconds later, a stack of three-ring binders appeared from the same spot and dropped straight to the ground.  I opened the top binder and read the title page.  “Star Wars Shooting Script for Episode I With Improvements As Voted On By Alt.Fan.Starwars.”

I considered as I looked through the binders.  Each spine bore a Roman numeral from one to six.  I probably could recite most of Episodes IV through VI from memory, but it was helpful to have these so I wouldn’t be transcribing for ages.  Phil and I had watched them almost religiously during our grade school years.  We had even acted out some of the scenes with cardboard tubes, plastic models, and other cheap props with our active imaginations filling in the blanks.  I guess I was going to be the storyteller for the next six nights.  I’d have to review my memories and make notes to prepare for the first three… I wonder if Twilight would let me borrow the ballpoint pen for a while?





After stashing the binders in my saddlebags, I rejoined Rarity and we participated in the various diversions. They proved very effective and I had little trouble with the growing symptoms of my heat.  In fact, I might have been there longer except for Thorax.  Not that he was causing a problem – far from it. No, I was actually worried that he was overdosing on positive emotions again.  I had no idea what that would do for a changeling that was used to only subsistence feeding, but I felt a little caution was called for.  At an opportune moment, I got the drone’s attention and took him (or her since still in mare form) aside.

“Thorax, I think you’re getting a bit ditzy again.”

Thorax grinned from ear to ear, and believe me, that’s quite impressive on a changeling. “It’s okay – I feel great!”

“You did yesterday also, then you crashed.  By the way, what’s with the sparkling wings?  Fashion tip from one of the mares?”

Thorax craned his/her head around to look at the appendages which were actually scintillating quite a lot.  “Huh! That’s new.  I didn’t do that.”

I frowned. “All the more reason to call it quits for the day.  Better come with me back to the castle.”

“Alright. Let me say goodbye to the ladies first.”

I watched as the bug-pony went from mare to mare to say farewell and was impressed by the number of hugs received.  The speed that the inhabitants of Ponyville adapted to novel situations was enough to give me whiplash, but the results were worth it.  I briefly wondered if the Season had anything to do with it, but that would be devaluing the ponies’ genuine friendliness to the changeling. When Thorax had finished making the rounds and joined back with Rarity and me, we headed out.

When the white unicorn had arrived earlier, it did not occur to me that she had turned up completely dry despite the fact that she couldn’t teleport.  After assuring me that we did not need Twilight’s services, we stepped out into the rain.  Not a drop hit us as Rarity skillfully diverted all the rain around us with her telekinesis.  While she didn’t know very many spells, she was masterful at manipulating objects magically.  She even avoided the numerous puddles and arrived at the castle without a splash upon her.  Neither Thorax nor I had been as diligent with where we had placed our hooves, but we were otherwise nearly as dry.  I recommended that Thorax head up to his room and take a nap while digesting his food, and he cheerfully agreed.

As soon as the changeling was out of sight, Rarity turned to me with a coy smile. “Finally, a chance to be by ourselves. I can’t tell you how much I’ve been looking forward to this, darling.”

I giggled. I didn’t mean to but I did.  I think it must have been a mood swing because I was feeling a little silly.  “So, my beauteous damsel, what is your desire?”

Her laugh was like music to my ears.  “Mark, dear, you have no idea.”

That was true, but she soon taught me.





Let me tell you that a stallion cannot truly completely understand a mare without becoming one. Rarity showed me so much that afternoon and I believe I still have much to learn, but she opened my eyes to the many delights of the female gender that I would never have known but for the strange turns my life had taken.  Through it all, she remained a perfect lady and only hinted of what was to come over the next several days as my heat progressed, but it was more than enough to thrill and delight me.  I only hoped that I was a good student so that I could reciprocate adequately.

We didn’t overdo things that first time.  In fact, we spent some time just talking about ourselves until Spike knocked on the door of my room and called out that dinner was ready.  We came down to the dining room to find Twilight and my other friends barring Fluttershy already there.  We got a few knowing looks before we settled down to mundane chat about our day after explaining the yellow pegasus’ absence.  Thorax was there too and back in natural form, although his wings still sparkled.  While he got his energy needs from consuming emotions, the changeling still had to ingest water and the occasional bit of physical food to maintain his body in perfect health.  He could enjoy one of Spike’s meals almost as much as we ponies.

We discussed the evening’s entertainment and I brought up the Star Wars stories.  During our discussions, we all decided that the most entertaining way to tell the story would be to give everypony a copy of the script and have them act out the major characters.  It was agreed that we’d do one each night, starting tomorrow.  After dinner, Twilight devoured the Episode IV script in a matter of seconds and used her magic to quickly assemble action figures (they aren’t dolls!), small models of spaceships and illusions of the more important set pieces, quizzing me the whole time about the details.  Rarity, of course, asked about the wardrobe of each important character and was sketching like mad.  After we finished the first three, Twilight and I would look over the prequel trilogy of scripts and decide if they were worth the same level of effort to re-enact.  I swore that this world would never know the idiocy of midichlorians!





Discord hadn’t told me that the binders could play the full orchestral film score and special effects sounds!  I wonder if he could supply some lightsabers, too.  That would be so cool!





I awoke the next morning sweating profusely.  It was not for nothing that they called this condition being ‘in heat’. I took a long, cold shower.  I despise cold showers, but I needed it more than I hated it.  I stood under the icy flow until I was sure I was in control of my urges once more before I headed downstairs for my breakfast.

I got a lot of sympathy from Twilight but apparently, this was nothing unusual for a first-timer.  I knew I would be taking up Rarity’s offer to help cool me down again later.  The time for subtleties was past.  I was a big strong mare in the throes of estrus and I knew I needed more drastic treatment.  God knows how I was going to get through several days of this!





Rarity took me to bed that afternoon. That’s when I discovered that a mare could be a tigress too.  This time when I was confronted by a passionate female, it was because both of us wanted it.  It made an enormous difference.  She fanned my ardor but then satisfied it, or at least for that night. Whatever happened in the future, I knew things would forever be changed between us.  I think it was then that I knew that I would never be returning to Earth even if the correct universe was located.  My heart had been lost right here.





I continued to let Twilight run tests on me in an effort to keep distracted from physical needs.  We, therefore, had plenty of time to chat about many subjects. One of the surprising things that I learned was that Applejack and Rainbow Dash normally spent their Seasons together.  Considering how hyper-competitive they were and the insults they regularly let fly at each other, I found this quite puzzling and said so to Twilight.

She giggled and replied, “Don’t you realize they’re like that because they are so alike? Both are strong-willed and talented mares and it takes somepony of a similar nature to cope with them.  Those two are probably the most enthusiastic lovers in Equestria when the heat is upon them.  If one of them had been a stallion, they’d have a couple of foals by now and more if they had become friends years earlier.”

Despite that, I could not picture Dash as part of the Apple family, but it amused me thinking of a pegasus foal eagerly working beside her earth pony parent in the orchards.

I asked the purple alicorn if she had a special someone to share her Season with.  She just blushed and mumbled something about extending the boundaries of friendship before clamming up.  I had myself an extra little project to keep my mind off the urges.  

Regardless, once dinner was finished, everyone had taken care of their ‘other urges’ at some point during the day so it was showtime!





Two nights and lots of hot cocoa later, the Elements (minus Fluttershy who still had not returned) and I had just finished re-enacting our third stage play, Return of the Jedi.  Twilight’s sets had become more elaborate and Rarity’s costumes had grown more intricate each night.  We did the live retelling on a small stage in Friendship Castle with an ecstatic Thorax as the lone person in the audience.

Rainbow Dash was an outstanding Han Solo – dialing back on her brashness to exude more of her natural confidence instead.  Pinkie Pie showed great acting range to pull off the evolution of Luke Skywalker.  Rarity got into the Leia Organa character, to the point of replicating her trademark cinnamon bun earmuff hairstyle.  She may have broken character a bit during the trash compactor scene, but it was much to the enjoyment of everyone there. Twilight played Obi-Wan Kenobi and later, Emperor Palpatine.  Maybe her leadership experience and acting lessons with Trixie paid off because she was more than passable.  Applejack got tired very quickly at everypony falling all over themselves every time she belted out Chewbacca’s “lines”, so she got the roles of Lando Calrissian and Admiral “It’s A Trap!” in the later episodes. I played the two robots and Darth Vader, possibly camping it up a bit more than necessary.  Bit parts were played by whoever didn’t have a major character on stage at the moment.

My favorite and least favorite parts turned out to be the same scene.  It was somewhat surreal and cathartic picking up a screaming Twilight Sparkle and carrying her across the stage, all the while trying to ignore the stinging arcs of real lightning spewing into me from her horn. I might have gotten a bit cross at the treatment because my toss onto the mattress “pit” a few feet away was a bit strong.  She bounced off of the top with a “Yeek!” and careened onto the stage floor.  After Rainbow’s laughter died down, she called out “And the Emperor perished with a ‘Yeek’! ”

At the after-party, thrown by Pinkie, of course, we were all relaxing and discussing our favorite parts of the story and I was being peppered with questions about the prequels, which I honestly said I couldn’t answer with the multiple changes made to them by people unknown to me. We had all missed Fluttershy, but Twilight had recorded everything on her speak-and-say crystals so she could get caught up later.

Speaking of the pegasus, Fluttershy chose that moment to walk in, one foreleg holding onto Discord’s clawed hand.  As everypony crowded around the pair, I noticed that Discord looked happy but particularly subdued.  Fluttershy just looked plain happy.  In response to everyone’s queries, Fluttershy cleared her throat.  “Friends, I want you all to know that Discord is now my special somepony.”

With a different group of friends, that might have caused an uncomfortable pause, but with this bunch, everypony gave their congratulations immediately.  Both of them were obviously extremely fond of each other.  After being the last to get close enough to give the yellow mare a hug, I reached a hoof up to Discord and he obligingly gave it a bump with his closed fist.

“So why doncha tell us how all that happened, Flutters,” said Applejack.

Fluttershy squeezed up against Discord as everypony lay down to listen.  “Well, you see…  When I left the town hall a few days ago, I was very sad.”  She looked up to see lots of nodding heads.  Everypony here knew why so there was no reason to go into it again.  “And after I had been home for a while, crying to myself, Discord came into my bedroom, asking for my help.”

She looked up and gave the draconequus a proud smile. “It seemed he had made friends over the last month somewhere in the mountains outside of Equestria. He was scheduled to take care of the kirin foals while the adults tended to some ritual of theirs.”

Twilight said. “But… kirin are just creatures of legend.  They aren’t real.”

The Element of Kindness actually smirked at the alicorn.  “If you say so, Twilight.”  Oh, my. Some sass from the butter-yellow pegasus.  She was feeling better.  “Anyway, there were going to be so many foals that he needed my assistance.  But then I remembered my heat and didn’t want that to affect the whole village.  Discord said he could neutralize it for 24 hours, warning me that it would hit twice as hard after that.  So, of course, I said yes, I would help.”

Her eyes got a far-away look.  “The little dears were an absolute delight and I loved playing with them and helping them build crafts.  I also interacted with some of the adults a bit, although that was hard because none of them could speak a word or even laugh out loud.  Still, they made it clear that they appreciated me being there and could come back with Discord any time.”  Her smile stopped and she looked around at her friends.  “Honestly, the hardest part was not talking the whole time, but I think they really liked that I respected their customs.”

I looked at Discord.  He shrugged. Apparently, this was a mystery to him too or was outside his desire to know.

Fluttershy looked down.  “So after Discord brought us back, I was very, very happy and, ummm….”  She pulled Discord’s clawed hand closer and blushed. I looked up to see Discord was doing the same, suddenly finding something very interesting on the ceiling. Fluttershy continued.  “I… well… we decided to be a couple.”  I had to chortle a bit.  That had to be the gentlest way I could have imagined that news being delivered.

The two got a fresh round of congratulations and Discord gave me a wink and a smile.

The Element of Kindness blushed even more, getting pink all the way down her neck.  “So… Discord stayed with me to help me through the next few days…”

Rainbow snickered.  “Just with feeding the animals, right?”  I didn’t think it would be possible, but Fluttershy blushed even more.  Thorax, for his part, looked confused.

“Discord let me sit on his chest and watch some entertainment from Mark’s world.  He’d put these silver disks in his mouth and moving images would appear on his eyes while the sound came out of his ears. This really helped me stay distracted during my Season.”

I put my hoof over Rainbow’s mouth before she could make any more crass remarks.  “What movies did you see?”

“Oh! Some cartoons with talking animals, some nature documentaries and three of his favorites about adventures on planets far, far away.  Even though most of the characters were bipedal, the stories were really exciting!”

All eyes turned to me.  I grinned. “Well, you’re in luck. The girls and I finished acting out that trilogy and we’re just about to start the next three, which take place before the ones you saw.  Would you two like to join in?”

Discord nodded. “I can do the music and special effects.”

Fluttershy looked a bit nervous for the first time today.  “Really?  You want me to perform on stage?”

Twilight spoke up.  “The only ones here will be your special somepony, us mares…”  She looked at me with an arched eyebrow.  “…and mare wannabes.”  I rolled my eyes and ignored the laughs from around me.  The purple alicorn looked back at the pegasus mare.  “It’s just us friends, Fluttershy.  The only difference is that you’re reading from a script. Oh, and Thorax will be the audience.”

For the first time, Fluttershy seemed to notice the changeling.  “Oh, hello, Thorax.”  She came up close to him.  “I haven’t seen you since the wedding.  Your wings look different now.”

Thorax put on a huge smile and spread them fully.  “I know, right?  I thought you might like them with your cutie mark and all.  No idea why this happened, but I’m very happy with them!”

“How interesting!  Do they feel different?  Did it hurt when they came in?”

“Really, they feel the same and I can fly even better.  They transformed at the party!  I didn’t even know until Mark pointed them out.”

Fluttershy smiled at the changeling.  “May I touch them?”

“Sure!” Thorax moved forward a bit so Fluttershy could run her hoof along the length, which caused him to giggle.  “OK, maybe not exactly the same.  They tickle more!”  That got a delighted laugh out of the pegasus.

Twilight walked closer to get the mare’s attention.  “Fluttershy, would you like to join us for the next play?  And can Thorax stay in the audience?”

“Well… yes, I guess that would be fine.  Umm… what part should I play?”

I looked at Discord and he nodded.  “How about young Anakin Skywalker?”





All of us mares gathered over the script for a read-through but after an hour it finally became apparent even to me that this was going to be a gossip session.  Maybe the show would go on, but it wouldn’t be tonight.

I excused myself and wandered off to find Discord in the library, lounging in a copy of the same leather chair that brought up memories of what could have been. A Rubik’s cube floated in the air before him.  His eyes were glowing white and his hand and paw were gesturing in the air.  Each gesture was followed by a twist on one of the six faces of the puzzle.

I sat down next to him.  “Finding it to be a challenge?”

He nodded. “I’ve put my perspective inside the puzzle and remapped the inside faces to correspond to the living room of my house. The context is almost as distracting as your scent.”

I smiled and waited for him to finish.  After another few minutes, he snapped a claw and the unfinished puzzle disappeared and his eyes returned to normal.  “I’ll rearrange my room when I get back if I don’t decide I like it better this way.” He then looked at me levelly for some time.  

“You want something.”

I smiled. “Granted.  And what do you think that might be?”

“I’m not sending you back to your home.”

“I don’t want to go back.”

That got his eyes to widen.  “All these changes happening on top of one another… curious.”  He tapped his chin.  “And what brought about this change of heart, may I ask?”

I sighed. “It’s taken a long time… almost a year now… but I’ve made Equestria my home.  All but one of my friends are here.  I have a fulfilling job where I can make a difference, which is more than I can say about what I used to have.  I know that I can—”

Discord interrupted.  “You got laid.”

I cocked an eyebrow at him.  “Projecting a little, aren’t we?”

He blinked and let out a long laugh.  “Touché, Monsieur Marcus.”

I nodded and had a new thought.  “Now that that’s out of the way and no longer on the table, would you mind telling me why that was something you were unwilling or unable to do?  In simple four-dimensional terms I might be able to understand?”

He regarded me through lidded eyes.  “It is true, you know.  You do not think like a pony.  Twilight Sparkle will attack a problem from many angles, but she simply lacks your… perspective.” 

I waited, curious if he would continue but finding myself no longer emotionally invested with the answer.  

The draconequus leaned back and steepled his clawed hand and paw, which I didn’t think would be possible if I hadn’t seen it.  “At my power level, human, it may appear that I can do whatever I wish with no consequences.  I could return the entire galaxy to a state of pure Chaos – turn everything into a soup of gluon-quark plasma just like mom’s old place.” He jerked a bit than stared at me.  “You didn’t hear that.”

I cocked my head.  “Hear what?”

“Good man.” Discord nodded then resumed his far-away stare.  “But the fact of the matter is that this universe, and especially this planet requires a balance.”

“Otherwise known as Harmony,” I said.

He nodded. “I’ve been knocked down by the purveyors of Order enough times to get that through my head.  Only by maintaining a balance between Chaos and Order with my actions am I allowed to exist here.  If I sent you back, it would be putting Equestria off center again, and my happiness might be forfeit directly or indirectly.”  He looked at me with a hard stare.  “And I’ve grown rather attached to my friends and acquaintances here.  I no more want their molecules to fly apart than I desire the merciless Order of absolute zero to render them lifeless statues.”  

I nodded. “That would apply to bringing my friend Phil here too, wouldn’t it?”

He snorted. “You mean besides stealing him away from his life there?  Yes. Even if he came willingly, I cannot foresee what the ripples would be.”  He frowned.  “You may not believe it, but you have been a force for Order here in Equestria since your arrival.  Acknowledgment by the Element of Friendship, your current form, and your position in the Royal Court are no accidents.  When the Sisters were taken from us, Harmony provided a replacement.”

I stared at him for several seconds.  “You said ‘taken’.”

Discord nodded. “As much as you would like to accept all the blame for their loss, I simply can’t agree.  Celestia and Luna are resourceful and I have known them to be well prepared for many eventualities.  Also, when immortal creatures die, there are signs that can be read by those that know how.  In addition, I have consulted with entities that exist between dimensions that would likely know of their passing.  Add to that the timing of your not-very-coincidental arrival and I am increasingly convinced that their disappearance is not of their will.”

I considered this and thought of Raven’s ongoing research.  “Which unfortunately leaves most of us twiddling our non-existent thumbs until we learn something new.”

Discord cocked his head.  I decided to reciprocate his trust by sharing with him.  “Raven Inkwell is looking through Celestia’s diaries for clues.”

A huge smile split the draconequus’ face.  “Oh, ho, ho! Do let me know if our dear princess wrote about what she really thought of my roguish charm and good looks.”

I waved a hoof absently.  “You didn’t make the top hundred.”

Discord’s smile faltered.  I smirked. “Actually, since we’re not on the subject, by the ironclad rules that bind us in the Interdimensional Brotherhood of Bro’s, I am calling on you to repay the boon you now owe me by letting me talk to Phil.”

His eyes narrowed.  “I’ll have you know that the I.B.B. kicked my flank out centuries ago for exactly that reason… not trying to pay back my obligations until the debtee was dead for generations and as you know…” He winked.  “…death cancels all debts.  And I’ve already told you about how balance doesn’t allow me to just go out and do something lopsidedly sweet and nice and feel-goody, especially across dimensions.” 

I grinned. “Who said anything about being nice?”

Discord lowered his head down to my level, a smile spreading across his lips.  “Are we talking about a prank here?  If so, I just might be interested.”

I pulled my lips into a carnivorous smile.  “Oh, it’s been a while.  I’ve been saving up.”





I shuffled towards the familiar pegasus and unicorn mirror frame.  The space around me was completely featureless and black, but I could tell from my gnarled, dark hands in front of me that I was bathed in a spotlight of some sort.  Through the glass, I could see Phil’s room, with my friend asleep on his bed.  As I approached the mirror boundary, I started moaning piteously.  Gradually, I made my cries louder and louder.  Phil turned once under his sheets, but that’s it.  Discord had made it clear that I couldn’t pass anything through the portal because the glass was still in place.  Frowning, I had to settle for my backup plan.

“Valerie McPherson has your phone number.”

Phil shot out of bed, his eyes wide and scanning for threats.  His panicked breathing stopped when he caught sight of me.

Showtime.

I raised my hands, lifting some of the masses of dreadlocks that cascaded in bunches off of my head.  “Youuuuuuuu, Phillippe Martine.  Youuuuuuuu cannot see them now, man, but you carry with you the chains you forged in life, the same as I, Bob Marley.”

Phil narrowed his eyes and crossed his arms.

I continued. “I forged these bonds dread by dread, of mine own free will, man; just as you have.  Every time you listen to elevator muzak or light jazz instead of reggae and death metal, you form another ponderous weight to plague you for the rest of time.  You must understand this one and only warning!  Oooooooooo!”  I waved the dreads in my hands in a manner I hoped was threatening.

“Hi, Mark.”

I stopped moving and spoke again.  “How did you know it was me?”

“You’ve been giving me shit since seventh grade when I got Bob and Jacob Marley confused in Mr. Fessler’s English Lit class.  Besides, you look more like Cousin Itt than Rasta right now.  I’m dreaming all this, aren’t I?”

I transformed into my pegasus form and waved a hoof.  “Why don’t you find out for sure?  Go ahead and pinch yourself.  No, go ahead and slug yourself in the head as hard as you can.”

He snorted and then smiled.  “So where have you been?”

I pointed with a hoof, “Yeah, we’ll get to that, but what the hell is up with those PJ bottoms?  Pod racers? No one hates Episode I more than you.”

He laughed. “Trust you to talk about the important stuff first after being gone for eleven months.  My mom gave these to me for Christmas.”

My eyes went wide and I looked into his.  “So she’s feeling better?  I remember when she’d do stuff like that all the time.”

“Yeah. She’s got a job as a clerk at City Market.  No luck finding a new civil lawyer, but she’s come a long way.”

“I’m glad to hear that.  That’s awesome.”

Phil grinned. “Yeah, you’re Mark alright, despite the weird form.”

“Oh, that. Yep.  I see you grabbed the mirror.”  I gave him a hard look.  “Don’t sell it.  Yes, I broke the one on the other side, but if that ever gets fixed, then this is probably the only way to get between dimensions.”

I sat down. “Anyway, yes, I arrived as a green pegasus stallion, and even klutzier than I was as a human if that can be believed.”

“I believe it,” Phil said with a straight face.

I glared at him before I continued.  “So I won’t bore you with all the details, but I’ve built a life here in this land of magical flying horses, unicorns and all sorts of other mythical creatures.  I made a bunch of good friends, have a job where I make a difference, and even have a marefriend of sorts now.”  I looked at him soberly.  “Still miss my best friend though, so I called in a big favor to have this conversation.  What have you been up to?”

Phil paused for a moment then said, “I missed you too, buddy.  Well, since your sister was off doing what-the-heck-ever and didn’t want to be bothered, I was the executor of your estate.  I converted what I could to cash and put mementos, clothes, and other personal stuff in a storage unit.  You’re good for another forty years or so.”  He winced.  “I held a memorial service or whatever you want to call it when a person is MIA. Your boss and a few of your co-workers came.  Only Tina and Chris from our high school days.”

“Chris Otwell?”

“No, Chris Barry.”

“Oh, yeah! I remember him from track.  Go on.”

Phil looked directly at me.  “That’s it. Other than my mom, no one else showed up.  We still had a good time, but I’m afraid you didn’t leave much of a footprint here on Earth when you left.”

I considered that glumly.  I knew that Phil was my only social outlet in my old life, but I hadn’t realized how much that was true.  “And yourself?”

He smiled wickedly.  “Finally got offered that promotion my boss had been promising for years.  I got to tell him to stick it and turned in my two-week notice.  I’m working for a venture capital startup now.  We’re hoping to get our electric ten-passenger plane design through FAA certification in two more years.  Pays the bills and I love the people I work with.”  His expression fell.  “Uh… I mean…”

I waved off his apology.  “Dude, I’m happy for you.  Really.”

Then I remembered the other important topic to bring up.  I stood up and changed into my long-maned Celestia form.  “One other thing.  If you ever see anything resembling what I look like right now, either in horse or human form, put a sticky note on the mirror.”

He gaped at me. “Dude, I hate to be the one to tell you, but you’re a mare.”

I rolled my eyes, which given the size of them must have been impressive.  “Gee, really?  I hadn’t noticed.”  I looked at him again.  “Also, do a Google and/or deep web search for ‘Celestia Faust’, ‘Luna Faust’, or ‘Celestia and Luna’. ” He finished looking me up and down and started to smirk. “And, Phil?  Use a VPN, just in case.”

He caught the seriousness of my expression and whatever quip he was planning died before birth.  “Umm… OK, Mark.  ‘Celestia or Luna Faust.’  Got it. Can you tell me how you got that form along with your other one?”

The spotlight above me started to fade.  That was Discord’s signal to bring stuff to a close.  “I only have a little time left.  If I have a chance to talk to you again, I will.  But until then, you take care, buddy.”  I started to tear up.  Damn female hormones!

I sniffed in a very un-manly way.  “I’ll always miss you, Phil.  Take care.”

“You too, Mark.”

Phil looked so sad.  I wished I could reach out and hug him one last time, but I knew that wasn’t possible. Instead, I put a forehoof on the glass. “Tale of Two Cities quote, man.”

He smiled and put his hand opposite mine.  “Right back atcha, but neither of us is Spock this time.”

I smiled and may have had a tear or two fall from my eyes.  Then I pulled back and slowly retreated into the darkness.  “But you just can’t quite be sure it was me and not some delusion, can you?  I mean, what kind of friend would I be without leaving you something to remember me by?”

Phil went stock still and I detected a trace of fear in his eyes.  “What did you do?”

“Do you still have that colander that your mom gave you in college?”

“Yeah?”

I grinned wickedly.  “You’ll be pooping out diamonds for the next 24 hours, starting with one the size of a chicken egg.  Good luck, buddy!”

With one last glance at his delicious look of horror, I saw the mirror fade away, to be replaced with a grinning Discord.

“You were right.  That was fun. Oh, and I put some ex-lax in his gallon of milk just in case he's stressed out or dehydrated.”

“By 'some', how much do you mean?”

“Half... but he'll never taste the difference.”





Waking up with Rarity as the little spoon was delightful but short-lived as I was wracked by the burning of my heat.  On the other hoof, apparently my bed-mate had similar problems as she joined me under the shower soon after I started.  Not the best way to cool one’s ardor, but certainly a fun way to start the day.

Rarity excused herself after breakfast to head back to her home.  Between her regular commissions and the inspiration of the plays, she had given herself many projects to work on, and with her Season appeased temporarily, she was keen to get some of them done.  I, of course, had yet another round of examinations with Twilight. I had no idea how she continued to find things to test me for, but I presumed her monomania was her way of coping with the Season, so I didn’t question her.  I wasn’t the only one though.  Thorax was an enthusiastic subject of her research too – suspiciously enthusiastic.  I kept catching glances, smiles, and giggles between those two which I might have ignored as a stallion, but my mare instincts were telling me something quite mind-boggling.  Were those two becoming an item?  The mumbled reply of the other day came back to me – “extending the boundaries of friendship”, I think it was.  I hid a smirk as I realized what those boundaries might be.  And he was in his normal male form too.  I reckon inter-species fertility may have been one of Twilight’s topics of interest.

The alicorn couldn’t keep me cooped up all day in her castle though, and since the storm was long gone, I took advantage of the fair weather to get in some flying. Exercise was also a good way of distracting oneself from the incessant urges.  This afternoon, I encountered Rainbow Dash doing exactly the same thing. One glance at each other and an exchange of grins was all it took for us to begin a couple of hours of our most outrageous aerial stunts, games of tag, and races.  Eventually, we both came to a landing on the grassy banks of a lake north of the Everfree, panting and sweaty.  For once, the mare who almost never shut up was quiet.  There was nothing to be said that we hadn’t both expressed in our flight together.  Flying was the prismatic mare’s life and one of the major reasons why I enjoyed this form, and today we had expressed that joy to the utmost.  As we cooled down, we quietly watched the scenery.  Spring blossoms were on some of the trees and waterfowl dotted the lake.  The mountain range in the background made it one of the most picturesque sights I had beheld in my entire stay in this magical land.

Rainbow leaned up against me and I liked the feel of her athletic body against my own larger form.  I impulsively nuzzled her and to my surprise, she kissed me back.  I looked her in the eyes and she smiled almost shyly back at me. It was then that I learned that Dash’s interest in me was not just as a stallion or as a flying buddy.  I recalled Twilight’s words about how she and AJ were attracted to each other because they were both strong and capable mares, and here I was in exactly the same situation.  I understood completely now and I smiled back and kissed her. Then we made love.





With so many mares interested in me, I had found the Season to be an unexpected blessing. Fluttershy had been eliminated from contention, probably to her greater benefit since Discord proved to be truly enamored with her.  Twilight had been the most circumspect in her interest, but that seemed to have been diverted towards another.  I had thought that Rainbow could be crossed off the list too because of her thing with Applejack, but apparently, I was very wrong.  In fact, it was possible that I had exacerbated her feelings towards me. Would they be the same once the Season was over?

And yet, I could not regret the encounter.  This was Equestria where the mares’ attitude towards partners was literally worlds’ different from Earth, and I was definitely going native.  Rainbow Dash didn’t fascinate me as Rarity did, but her pure lustiness for life was intoxicating.  I knew that we would be spending more time together while the enforced confinement to my female form lasted, and I looked forward to it.  My sole concern was what would happen when Rarity found out what we did.  I kept forgetting that I was not on Earth anymore.  Mores and customs evolved from that world simply did not translate to Equestria in some circumstances.  I actually caught the moment when Rainbow told Rarity what we had done that afternoon. Far from being jealous, I saw the delight at learning that juicy piece of gossip, and perhaps a touch of anticipation for this evening.  I think I still had a lot to learn as a pegacorn mare.





Inevitably, not everything that happened during the Season was as positive as my times spent with the girls and Thorax.  There were days when the hormone surges nearly drove me nuts.  Then there was the morning when I was unpacking my saddlebags, looking for… hell, I can’t even remember what anymore.  I do recall wondering what Steady and Crimson were doing without me – two big strong stallions alone in that cabin for two weeks. I could almost smell my pegasus valet’s scent…

I found myself holding the saddlebags up to my nose, breathing deeply of the various aromas including the familiar muskiness of Steady’s scent.  To my horror, I realized that I had started daydreaming about what it would be like to be held in his strong hooves and wrapped in his wings, his lips close to mine…

I threw the bags away from me and galloped for the bathroom.  I spent ten minutes under the cold water trying to scrub those thoughts and images from my mind.  If ever I doubted the wisdom of sending me away to Ponyville, it was forever laid to rest that day.  I liked mares!  No matter if I was in stallion or mare form, that part of me stayed the same.  The thought that hormones could so easily override my conscious desires was frightening and another lesson burned into my memory.  I had a lifetime of Seasons ahead of me and I needed to be better prepared in the future.





Every day, before I went to breakfast, I tried to shift back to stallion form.  At the height of my heat, I knew that it was probably futile but I still tried.  As many things as I found to enjoy about being here with my friends and lovers, it was being trapped as a pegacorn that really bothered me.  Marklestia was a very gratifying alter ego that I got much pleasure in taking occasionally but my primary self was still a pegasus stallion, and I wanted to return to that normalcy.  On the thirteenth day, I succeeded.  I didn’t even bother brushing my mane or any of my usual morning preparations.  I just raced out the door, hurtled down the stairs, crashed and rolled, got up again with a laugh and resumed my charge to the dining room.

Considering how early I was, it was surprising that there was anyone there besides Spike or the castle staff, but Twilight and Thorax were already seated at the table, enjoying their morning coffee.  For Twilight, it was an essential kick-start to the day, but the changeling had picked up the habit from her.  They both looked at me curiously when I burst in.

“I’m b-a-a-c-k!” I crowed as I waved my forehooves over my head expansively.

Twilight giggled.  “I thought that might happen soon.  Even for first-timers, your heat should have been over by now.  The rest of us girls were virtually back to normal a couple of days ago.”

I grinned. “You would be hard pressed to tell judging by how Rarity and I were going at it last night.”

Twilight blushed as she glanced at Thorax.  “Well, once hormones cease to be an influence, other factors become apparent. And keep in mind that even though the Season is over, mares will still be ovulating and can get pregnant for the next several months.”

I sat down and poured myself some coffee.  “Yeah, I’m not completely dense.  I know that Rarity and I have something special going on.  Now that I’m a stallion again, we need to talk things over and figure out how we want to go from here.”

Twilight’s face settled into serious lines.  “I hope you haven’t got too many preconceptions, Mark.”

I waved a hoof dismissively.  “If there’s anything that I’ve learned over the past fortnight, it’s that I still have much to learn.  I’m trying very hard not to make assumptions and I’ve considered several ways this may go. It’s important that we take care of this as soon as possible to make sure that neither of us is hurt.”

“That’s an extremely mature approach and I’m pleased that you’ve adapted so well to our world.  Where is Rarity, by the way?”

“She was in the bathroom, getting ready for the day when I tried to change back.  She’ll probably be there a while yet.”

The alicorn nodded.  “Not surprising.  We can have breakfast while waiting for her.”

Thorax spoke up for the first time.  “I’m glad that you’re able to change again, Mark.  I know I wouldn’t like it if I wasn’t able to shape-change at will.  I do have a question though.  What did Twilight mean by adapting to our world?”

I looked at Twilight whose eyes had widened in realization of her slip.  Oops.





And that’s how Thorax became one of the few who knew about my true origins.  He actually compared it to his own situation – a changeling who openly lived among ponies.  We were both beings from one world thrust into another, but we were both enjoying our change of lifestyle.  I probably had it better than him though – there was a lot of baggage to overcome with regards to changelings, but at least one town was virtually one hundred percent behind him.  What would the average pony think of a hairless ape becoming one of them?

Rarity was delighted to see that I was a stallion once more.  After breakfast, we went back to my room for a private heart-to-heart chat. I didn’t beat around the bush though.

“So, Rares, how do we stand now?”

The ivory mare smiled and gave me a peck on the cheek.  “That’s what I like about you, Mark – so practical and straightforward. That also sums up your life and career. You’re the Grand Vizier of Canterlot, Princess Trixie’s right hoof.  That’s the place that you’ve made for yourself and where you belong.  And as for me, I am a professional fashion designer with much to accomplish still.  Neither of us can devote ourselves to a full-time relationship yet.  But whenever you’re visiting Ponyville, I hope that you will want to spend your evenings with me.”

I cupped her cheek with my hoof and gazed into her eyes.  “We have something special, Rarity, and I would never want to spoil that. Whenever you’re in Canterlot, I hope you’ll find the time to come see me too.  I’ve always been a bachelor, but I’m glad to have a special somepony in my life now. I admit that I never pictured that it would be a mare like you, but life keeps giving me wonderful twists.”

“And I’m grateful that one of those twists brought you into my life too.  But darling, don’t be blind to other opportunities. We may be wonderful part-time lovers but are we suited as life-partners?  As you said, I am not what you imagined as such, and I certainly did not dream of a stallion like you.”

“So – take it slow and easy, you’re saying?” I asked.

She nodded. “As you observed, we have something special between us, so let’s make sure we don’t ruin that.”

“That sounds good to me.  After being single for so long, I don’t want to jump in too deep on the basis of a couple of weeks of hormone-stoked lust.”

She gave me a coy smile.  “My heat ended two nights ago.  However, if it wasn’t for the risk of a potential unwanted pregnancy, I would make love to you right now.”

“And I would not stop you,” I admitted.  “I think that it’s best that we rejoin the others now while we both have some semblance of self-control.”

“I agree, darling.”  Then she nearly ruined my resolve by giving me a heartfelt kiss before making her way out of my room.

I did not join up with her and the others until after a cold shower.  Damned if I wasn’t getting used to them.





Because not all mares synched exactly to the day with their heats, I wasn’t allowed to leave the castle that day unless I changed back to being a mare.  Having been stuck that way for two weeks, there was no chance that I was going to do that, so I amused myself around the castle as best I could.  Fortunately, Twilight was also back to normal, so there wasn’t any problem being around her all day.

The girls all came around for dinner that night, including Fluttershy with Discord.  While he spiced up our mealtime, he was otherwise well-behaved, so it went smoothly enough.  We had our final social night and another play based upon a popular Star Wars fanfic this time.  As it wasn’t canon, we took a few more liberties with it than the official movies. Actually, we took it very unseriously and ended up laughing a lot at the ad-libs and screw-ups.  It was perfect.  Then came the time for everypony to go home.

Normally the one to rush off anywhere first, Rainbow Dash lingered until she was the last visitor left.  Twilight and Thorax excused themselves and just the multi-colored mare and I were all that remained.  She approached me, one forehoof rubbing the back of her head self-consciously, a slight blush of red on her blue cheek fur.  Weird how that worked.

“Umm… I guess this is goodbye.”

“Yeah, I’ll be catching the morning train to Canterlot tomorrow.”

“I… just want to say… I regret nothing and… I hope we can do this again.  Soon.”  She hesitated and then gave me a quick kiss on the lips before zooming out of the room leaving behind a rainbow trail.

As the prismatic display faded, I knew for a fact that I now had two marefriends in Ponyville, and due to the way that mares treated their stallions, neither would mind the other vying for my attention.  It just brought one thing to mind though.  I was about to return to Canterlot where a certain faux alicorn was waiting for “her” stallion.  Was I trotting into a three-way tug of war for my heart?  And how did I feel about that?


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