//------------------------------// // Nº 9: MERCY // Story: Life In Boxes // by CoffeeBean //------------------------------// Cirrus looked up at the freshly brewed cup of tea held before her by a familiar blue aura of magic. Tiredly, she accepted the mug with her hooves, holding it inches away from her lips and gently blowing to cool it down. “You speak little tonight,” commented Luna as she sat down at her usual place before the coffee table and couch, her own cup of tea floating before her within a blue aura. All Cirrus offered in reply after a sip of her brew was a silent nod. Humming, Luna too sipped at her hot tea and took a sweeping glance over the little, dimly lit apartment around her. A single bulb above the range in the kitchen served as the only point of light, which was certainly an improvement over the candles Cirrus lit previously. The space was still in the same state of semi-disarray since her last visit; things haphazardly left in corners, books stacked below shelved rather than being set upon them, papers scattered across the writing desk near the bedroom door, a little pile of laundry sitting beside the bathroom door awaiting a wash, and so on. The bedroom door stood ajar, allowing Luna to peek in at the disheveled sheets sprawled halfway between the bed and the floor. Too, was the bathroom open, but the limited view she had from where she sat only allowed her to see a towel sitting on the tile beside the bathtub. It was a lack of cleanliness brought on by a total lack of motivation and energy, not disregard for self-hygiene or laziness as one might expect. When the simple task of sliding one's self from the confines of their sheets and blankets seems to be an insurmountable peak, the remainder of the world is simply unreachable. “How have you fared, Cirrus?” inquired Luna as she, unbeknownst to Cirrus, took up the sheets and comforter of her bed with a spell and began sorting them out. A long pause of silence was the initial response as she continued staring off into the mug. “I haven’t…” she sighed, shutting her eyes, “haven’t slept more than a few hours since you left last night.” Luna held her tongue for a moment. "Nigh impossible to find slumber, aye?" Cirrus nodded, her eyes still closed and head hung low. "Venture to your job, did you?" A quick, almost lifeless shake of the head was her reply. Luna hummed, sipping from her honey-sweetened tea as she took another glance around the room, this time her eyes falling upon the books and papers near the writing desk. “I-I’m not taking advantage of you,” Cirrus suddenly exclaimed, drawing Luna’s attention to the worried look upon her tired face. “Never did I say you were.” “N-No, I mean… t-the fact I didn’t work today. I went and said I was sick, a-and that I couldn’t.” Luna sat in silent deliberation, her silence seeming to worry Cirrus further. “You gave me those bits…” began Cirrus, “to help pay my rent, and… I… I’m not using that as an excuse to not work.” Luna chuckled gently. “Your fears are quite misplaced, dear Cirrus. Lifting burden from your shoulders was the purpose behind my gift, and so you have done that with it.” Cirrus' ears went flat, her head falling shamefully. “O-Okay… I just feel guilty having to get help from you.” “Pray tell," stated Luna as her gaze returned to the books, her magic beginning to file them away upon the shelf above the writing desk. “I'm an adult, I-I shouldn't have to take handouts just to keep my head above water...” “Age matters not, Cirrus,” Luna paused as she read the far-off cover of one of the books within her magic, her brow raising at it, “situation is the defining factor.” Cirrus sighed, holding her silence as Luna hovered the book to herself, noticing the unremoved price tag of 12 bits still stuck to the bottom of the front cover. “Understanding Troubled Minds,” Luna read aloud, her words perking Cirrus' ears and drawing her gaze, “when did such a text come into your possession?” With a mortified expression plastered over her face, Cirrus did a double take between Luna and the book within her blue magic. “I-I, uh, earlier today. I needed to get out of here, so I went for a walk, and there's a bookstore near here...” Luna flipped through the pages, a smile pulling at the corners of her lips. “Down the right path, you do walk, dear Cirrus.” “I do?” “Purposeful was my decision to allot more bits than necessary for the debt to the landlord, for I knew this surplus would be put to good utility. Spend this on some frivolous trinket? Nay; purchase a book which shall aid your ailment. Know, Cirrus, I am quite proud of this decision.” Cirrus turned her eyes away, a little blush coming through on her sandy blonde cheeks. “T-Thanks, Princess Luna.” “Nay, the thanks must go to you!” Luna chimed, closing the cover of the book and setting it atop the coffee table before her. “Has this helped in any way?” Cirrus shrugged. “Sort of... it-“ her words cut off, Luna able to see the pause hadn't been her doing. The almost invisible, inky aura pulsed around her horn for a mere second, cutting through the barriers of the physical plane and dream world to bridge the gap and allow her to hear the emotionless voice of the beast within opposing ‘the name'. As the spell ceased, so too did Cirrus' pause, her gaze refocusing as she looked back to Luna. “It's helped a little.” “In what way?” “Well…” she fell silent, looking off to the side and never finishing the thought; an act of her own volition this time. “Something once without a name now does bear one, hm?" Cirrus' gaze shot back, her eyes wide. She sighed and let her head droop once she remembered why the assertion had been so accurate. “The… the book didn't name something, I-I did. The book-“ again, the pause struck, this one far shorter, “the book gave me an idea." “And what idea did it plant?” “I na-“ she flinched, squeezing her eyes shut, “I named it!” "Named 'it'." Cirrus tapped the side of her head with her hoof. "It! That... stupid voice that, as I'm sure you probably know, hadn't shut up!" Luna's posture straightened, her ears perking attentively. “Separation.” “W-What?” “Recognize, you have, that this creature is not of your being. As ponies, we give name to what exists beyond the confines of our mind. This thing knows that well.” Cirrus offered a silent nod in return. Luna studied her a moment. “And what name did you see fit?” “It's… really silly.” “You shall face no judgment from me, dear Cirrus.” Still avoiding eye-contact she took a breath as if steeling herself for an impact. “B… Batty. I named it Batty.” Cirrus peaked up at Luna, expecting to see her snickering or jeering her way, but only found the usual stoic yet attentive look she always seemed to wear. “Brought this name forth from the stuffed bat sitting with the pillows, aye?” Cirrus stammered a moment. “I-I… I did. How'd you know about her?” The smallest smile cracked Luna's lips as her horn ignited and floated the aforementioned stuffed bat in from the bedroom and placed it – or rather, her – atop the book before Luna upon the coffee table. “The night I made your acquaintance, too, did I make hers." For a moment, Cirrus thought. “Oh… right. You put me in bed that night… I think..." She shook her head. “Everything since then has just… felt like a dream. It's so hard to tell what's real from what isn't anymore.” “Stricken with hallucinations?” “I… I don't know. I remember falling asleep once today, but I remember waking up like three times. Things will just… change. At least I know for sure I went to the bookstore today,” she laid down across the couch, resting her head upon the armrest, “my… my dad visited earlier, b-but now I don't think he did. I'll… be glad if he didn't. I remember leaving in the morning to tell my boss I couldn't come in today, but I don't remember coming back here. I just… don't know anymore.” Luna held her peace, looking on as Cirrus cozied into the couch as if she were getting ready to fall asleep. Looking away, Luna's attention went back to the remaining books and papers by the writing desk, and a few quick flicks of magic put the remaining texts upon their shelf and tapped the papers into a uniform stack before placing them atop the desk. “Are you familiar with this area of the city?” Cirrus stayed quiet, seemingly deaf to the inquiry. “Cirrus?” Her eyes blinked open. “W-What?” “Do you know this area of the city well?” She nodded. “Know of establishments doing business at this hour?” Cirrus' expression showed her slight confusion. “I… don't even know what time it is.” “Nearly midnight.” Cirrus raised a brow. “You don't have a clock.” “My moon and I are one; I feel where she rests in the sky. Worry not; tis nearly midnight.” Cirrus nodded along in concurrence. “Uh, I guess that would make sense,” she rubbed her face, sitting upright, “I think there's a café a few blocks from here that stays open all night. I… I think it's only on weekends, though. What day even is it?” “Sunday.” Cirrus shrugged. “They're open, then.” “Shall we make our way there?” “W-What?” “Your mind needs escape from itself. While sleep is much needed, in this case, it should seem it does more harm than good. To top that, I wish for a hot coffee.” Looking quite worried, Cirrus again began avoiding eye contact. “I-I have coffee here; can't you brew some?” “I discovered the tin when gathering the tea. Tis empty.” Cirrus' ears went flat. “I'm out of coffee, then.” “In the day you ventured into the world beyond to clear your mind. Pray tell; why oppose the idea now?” She rubbed her leg nervously. “I felt like I was suffocating in here at the time! G-Going outside today was the hardest thing I've done in a while… i-it's bad enough going to work most days and being around all those ponies. It already felt like everypony was watching me, b-but if I'm with you, then everypony will be watching me…” Luna put on a gentle smile. “At the highest point of the night how many ponies do you truly believe shall occupy the café?” Thinking a moment, Cirrus conceded. “Probably not many, but still…” “I understand the anxiety chaining you to the indoors, but too do I understand the chains shall only break if they are fought against.” Cirrus paused for thought and looked away as she mulled over the situation at her hooves. “I'm kind of hungry… I haven't eaten anything all day,” she let out a defeated sigh, returning her gaze to Luna, “fine, I'll go.” With a smile, Luna got to her hooves. “Delightful! Let us make haste, then!” “And for you, miss?” Cirrus blinked a few times, her heart skipping a beat as her mind returned to reality. “I'm sorry?” she inquired nervously, looking down from the menu to the genial mare behind the counter of the café. “Have you made your decision?” “O-Oh… I, uh,” she looked up again, eyes rapidly scanning the menu, “the cranberry toast, please,” she squeaked, feeling like a thousand eyes pushed down on her despite the fact only the cashier looked onward. A few clacks came from the keyboard of the register before the pink coated mare. “Anything else?” “Um… coffee.” “What sort?” “J-Just coffee.” Again, a few more clacks. “Cream and sugar?” “Sure.” A single clack. “4 bits, please!” she chimed with a smile. Cirrus' face went pale, her breath catching as she patted around on her black jacket with a panicked hoof. Not a single bit had been brought along. Mere seconds later 4 bits stacked perfectly atop one another in a fine gold tower were set upon the counter by a familiar blue aura. “Worry not,” spoke Luna with a gentle smile, the hood of her dark gray cloak down, “I shall take the bill.” Nodding, the cashier scooped up the funds with a hoof and dropped them into the register drawer. “Well, thank you both, and we'll have your orders ready soon!” Cirrus watched as Luna nodded to the mare and turned away, beginning off into the well-occupied dining area of the so aptly named Weekend Warrior café. Luna's assumption that the place wouldn't have many patrons hadn't been the most accurate statement; it was certainly less occupied than when Cirrus had passed the place during the day, but a lot more occupied than one would expect on a Sunday night. Luckily, every pony in the cozy, dimly lit café focused their attention on the mysterious, cloak-adorned Princess rather than Cirrus in her plain black jacket. Realizing she was still standing at the register, Cirrus flipped her head around and gave the cashier a nervous smile before trotting off after the Princess, who had found a seat against the windows facing out into the midnight streets of Fillydelphia. She kept her eyes down as she carved a winding path through the somewhat small area, doing her best to put the most distance between herself and other ponies. As she approached the table, the chair opposite of Luna was pulled out by a blue spell, beckoning Cirrus forth. Quickly, she accepted the seat and looked out at the dark street rather than either the other patrons or the Princess. “You only wish for jellied toast?” Cirrus looked over, trying to ignore the on-looking faces which she could see in her peripheral. “I thought I was paying for my food,” she replied quietly. “Then I insist you return to the counter and place a second order, for I shall bear the cost.” “I-I'm fine, really…” Luna remained silent, her gaze making Cirrus a little nervous. “You do not want to face the staff once more, aye?” Cirrus blinked. “Were… were you reading my mind again?” Chuckling, Luna shook her head. “Reading your expression, nothing more.” Offering no reply, Cirrus looked back out the window, this time her gaze falling upon the ornate, sleek chariot they two had arrived in and the two strange bat-like guards waiting patiently and attentively by it. Their orange eyes seemed to glimmer in the light of a nearby street lamp, their slit pupils wide thanks to the dark. Her heart skipped a beat as the rightmost guard looked right at her; instantly, she turned away. Her surprise had only just begun as she discovered Luna no longer sat before her, and in a slight panic, she perked her posture and darted her eyes around to find the cloaked Princess was back at the counter having a word with the pink-furred mare. She let out a relieved sigh and sunk back into her chair, again keeping her eyes low so as to not catch the gaze of anypony. There was at least one thing she could enjoy about the cafe; its relaxed and casual atmosphere. She felt almost blasphemous sitting in such a temple of placidity with anxieties and worries gnawing at her thoughts. She flinched as a shadow hit the corner of her eye, and she spun her head to find Luna returning. “Do you enjoy cherry turnovers?” she inquired as she took her seat before Cirrus. Letting out a sigh from her spike of fright, Cirrus nodded. “Yeah, they're pretty good.” “Then I hope the offerings of this place are up to par.” “R-Really, you shouldn't have, Princess.” “Luna,” she corrected with a smile, “and I should have. T'would be rude of me to let you sit in hunger.” Cirrus gave a conceded chuckle as she looked down to the table, tracing shapes with her hoof. “Right; Luna. Well, thank you. I appreciate it. I… appreciate everything.” “You are most welcome, dear Cirrus.” Cirrus set her half-empty cup of coffee down to the table after a drink, the act seemingly prompting Luna to lift her own cup to her lips. “A very smooth brew, do they make,” she noted after a sip. Cirrus nodded. “Yeah, they make real good coffee here. It's not bitter.” “Indeed. Quite the quality roast.” The conversation fell flat, and Cirrus turned her gaze to the window as she had finished her toast and turnover quite some time ago; the two items hadn't lasted very long once the order was called. “Does Batty speak to you now?” There passed a long moment of still silence from Cirrus, her eyes remaining fixed with the world beyond. “Yeah… it hadn't been a moment ago, but it does now.” “What does it say?” She closed her eyes. “Just… complaining about the name.” “And what complaints does Batty make?” Cirrus' eyes opened as she looked to Luna. “You can hear it talk; why don't you just listen?” “Because doing so is of no help to you. When you speak against Batty, telling of its harming words, you further the divide. Every word spoken against it is a victory in of itself.” Happy enough with the reply, Cirrus nodded and let her gaze wander to the wayside once more. Eventually she re-met the eyes of Luna's two guards posted by the chariot; still they stood, unmoving and attentive as ever. She blinked, and the next second both guards suddenly stood right outside the window, their gazes bearing down upon her. She let out a horrified yelp, almost falling from her seat as she got to her hooves, but after one more blink the two had disappeared and returned to their place at the chariot. “Cirrus?” Luna called with worry, not yet standing but poised to do so. Cirrus' gaze shot to her, her breaths heavy and panicked. “T-The guards! They… t-they,” she let out a shuddering breath as she glared out the window, “they were r-right there…” Luna held her tongue, looking on as Cirrus' wings slowly furled back to their places and her head turned side to side as she took several worried glances about the café. “You see phantoms, Cirrus. Illusions to frighten and dishearten.” “That's…” she quickly slid back into her seat, keeping her eyes down to hide from the glances and looks she had drawn, “that's all I've seen all day.” “This is not the first time?” She buried her face in her hooves. “N-No. No, it's not. I didn't want to come here b-because I knew something would happen. J-Just like in the bookstore.” “If thi-“ “I want to leave,” Cirrus injected, looking up and clearly on the brink of tears, “I-I just want to go home now.” Luna's brow furrowed. “Then you will admit defeat. It does these things to force pain upon you, Cirrus. To force you into dark solitude.” Cirrus grit her teeth. “I'm tired of everypony looking at me!” she hissed. “Their gazes carry no leverage!” Her lips parted as she prepared a rebuttal, but before the words could be spoken she let out a shocked gasp and spun her head back as if somepony had tapped her shoulder. There was a long pause as Cirrus frantically searched behind herself for something which was not there. “What now did you see?” Inquired Luna, leaning forward and keeping her voice low. “I… thought somepony was behind me…” sighing, she turned forward and kept her eyes low, “it's just like the bookstore. E-Everypony's watching me… t-they all know I'm crazy.” “Indeed, you are crazy.” Cirrus' heart skipped a beat as her eyes darted up to Luna, who frowned down at her. “W-What?” “Only a crazy pony would name the voice in their head, and only you could be crazy enough to tell others about it.” A gripping sense of panic tied a knot in her stomach and put an unmovable lump in her throat as she looked away from the Princess' glare and out into the dining area. Every pair of eyes was locked onto her. “L-Luna, I want to leave!” she squeaked, tears beginning to well in her eyes. Silence was all the stoic Princess offered as she bore down upon Cirrus with her slit pupils that seemed to widen the longer she looked into them. “Typical for you to seek escape rather than deal with your life head-on.” Staring into those azure eyes, Cirrus had an epiphany. Those words weren't natural; Luna would never speak so venomously. “It's happening again,” she mumbled in a panic, swiftly slewing her gaze around at the faces of the ponies glaring her direction. In a terror she shut her eyes as tightly as she could, the straining of her muscles putting a deep rumble in her ears, “none of this is real, none of this is real…” she rambled quietly, a few fresh tears rolling down her cheeks. “You may wish this to be a dream, but it is far from it.” Cirrus clenched her teeth and glared back at Luna, fiery defiance burning in her eyes. “I know what you're doing. You did it earlier. It's not working this time, and you know it isn't.” To her surprise, Luna was silent, however; her disapproving look remained. Between the two there hung a long silence before Cirrus slowly turned to face the ponies of the cafe, their eyes still bearing down upon her. Like a cold knife, that feeling of inadequacy and anguish jabbed at her chest, and for a split second she wanted to turn away and close her eyes, but she held fast and locked her eyes onto a gray-furred stallion sitting across the room, ignoring the others and staring right back at him. “They can't hurt me. Like Luna said; you're just an illusion. Nothing more, nothing less.” Silence reigned supreme for the time being as the two stared one another down. “Cirrus.” She grit her teeth again. “If you've got nothing nice to say, why don't you try being quiet.” After blinking, Cirrus found herself glaring at the side of that same stallion's head as he chatted with the mare before him. A little bewildered, Cirrus blinked repeatedly as she studied the now careless patrons spread across the chairs and tables of the cafe. Fearful she would find the same angered Princess as before, Cirrus slowly turned back to face Luna. Her confusion grew when she found the polar opposite of anger and disapproval; plastered across Luna's face was a wide smile. “Cirrus…” began Luna as she leaned forward and outstretched a hoof, placing it upon her shoulder, “you hear mine words for what they are, aye?” Cirrus remained silent, unsure if the hallucinations had finally ended. “I… I guess so,” she cautioned. The tiniest of laughs left Luna as she fell back into her seat, wings spread excitedly. “So, a once mighty grip weakens!” to Cirrus' bewilderment, Luna now hopped onto her hooves, “quick, make haste and give chase; we must speak outside!” The blue blur of a Princess passed Cirrus, leaving her where she sat for a fair few seconds before she finally gained her bearings and trotted out of the café to find Luna a short ways away from the door. “Mark this night, for greater progress than ever has been made!” chimed Luna as she knelt before Cirrus. “What in the world are you talking about?!” Bolting upright, Luna put both front hooves on Cirrus's shoulders. “You have broken the illusion! Stood in the face of falsehood and seen the truth beneath! You, Cirrus, defied the being within!” Her brow raised again. “I-I did? I… did, didn't I…?” Luna nodded along. “Quite so!” “Does that… mean that Batty is… gone?” “If only it were that simple. You have begun the end, however. Maintain your persistence, fear not the things which shall not harm you, and the grip Batty holds shall only weaken.” Finally fully realizing the potential of everything Cirrus slowly began smiling along. “So… all of this is finally starting to go somewhere?” “Since our first meeting, progress has been made, Cirrus. The simple act of acknowledging this directing, controlling voice within is not of your natural body and mind has been a great stride. Batty is defensive; clawing at ground it once held, trying to reaffirm its grasp. When the enemy is faltering, what shall you never do?” A little nervous from Luna's intensity, Cirrus leaned her head back. “I… I don't know.” “Show mercy.”