It has been two weeks since the day Aunty Celestia visited. Two weeks since I learned just how much Twilight has suffered due to my condition. Two weeks since I had asked if Celestia could help me talk to her.
And now, it's finally happening.
Celestia sent word yesterday that she, along with the filly's parents, have finally convinced her to talk to me, and detailed where I would meet her. I don't know why I simply couldn't go to her house instead of going to the castle, but I don't really care. Mom and Dad were fine with taking Bluey and me, even if he's been in a sour mood the entire trip.
"Do you really have to sulk?" I ask in a whisper from Mom's back, staring across to the passenger on my father's back. "Twilight's my friend, and I want to see her."
"I'm not sulking," Blueblood counters with a huff. "I just don't think it's safe. That filly blew up a room, remember?"
I roll my eyes. "Yeah, I was there. It's kinda hard to forget."
This just makes the colt frown deeper. "What if it happens again? You could end up like before." he bites his lip and looks away. "I don't want to see you in a hospital bed again..."
"None of us want that, son," Dad suddenly speaks up, looking over his shoulder with a soft smile. "And your mother and I certainly wouldn't be allowing Pureblood to do this if we thought there was a chance of that happening."
"That's right," Mom pitches in, though her smile seems a little more forced. "Your Aunty Celestia is going to be there, and you can trust that she won't let your sister come to harm."
"Exactly!" I chirp, smiling reassuringly. "Aunty Celestia is the princess of the whole kingdom, after all. Making sure nothing bad happens between Twilight and me is going to be easy compared to that."
Bluey looks like he might argue, but that would mean doubting his aunt, and he can't bring himself to do that. Just then, our group is halted by the guards at the Castle's front entrance. Really, that walk from the gate to the door is even longer than the one back at our house.
"Sir Blueblood, Lady Garden, you're expected," says one guard, mirroring his partner as he steps aside. "Princess Celestia awaits you in her personal study."
"Thank you, gentlestallions," Dad says with an easy smile as Mom gives her own quick thanks.
"Hi, Mister Guards," I say as we pass, waving while Bluey sends a sloppy salute. One guard waves while the other salutes back, a smirk tugging at his lips before he smooths his expression back to a stern, forward facing glare. I giggle and Bluey puffs up proudly.
Boys are so silly.
Despite being far from recovered from my ordeal, I feel much better than I did when I first woke up, and happily wave at all the ponies we pass. After spending so much time stuck at home with only my family and the occasional visit from my friends to break up the monotony, I try to savor this little bit of socializing and time outside the house while I can.
Still, there's one disadvantage to being out and about, and I experience it multiple times as we walk through the castle halls. Every time we pass a pony with magic on their horn, I flinch. Ponies pushing carts and those sweeping unknowingly send spikes of pain down my horn.
Mom is frowning worriedly, but remains quiet. The same thing had happened on the way here more than a few times, and I had told my parents that I could handle it. It really wasn't that bad, feeling sort of like rubber band snaps in my head. I've felt worse training with Grandpa.
Luckily, it doesn't take too long to get to Celestia's personal study, and we enter to see the mare herself, her mane already draping to the floor and pink. Instantly, she looks up and smiles. "Nephew, Ornate, I'm so glad to see you both," she says, standing and walking towards us. As she does, she tilts her head to the side, and her smile widens as she sees Bluey and me, the former now standing with a front leg propped on dad's head while the other waves frantically.
"Hi, Aunty!" the colt shouts, reaching out as soon as the tall mare is within range. Celestia obliges and picks him up, much to Dad's relief as he brings a hoof up to smooth his mane and massage his scalp.
As the princess turns to look at me, I reach out as well, though not as enthusiastically. It takes a moment to arrange us into the crook of her foreleg, especially without magic, but soon, we're comfy and receiving nuzzles, which we happily return. "And if it isn't two of my favorite little ponies. How have you been? Read any new books since my visit?"
"Yeah," I answer with a nod. "We finished all my new stuff, but Mommy says we can go out to get more. Maybe even today before we go home!"
The excitement must have been clear in my voice as Celestia giggles. "Oh, that does sound fun." She looks suddenly thoughtful. "You know, I just so happen to have gone book shopping myself and picked up some new reading material." As she's saying this, she walks back towards her desk, and once she's behind it, she pulls open a drawer. "Maybe we can read them together next time I come to visit."
There in the drawer, are three thin books, and I gasp. "You have new books?!"
"Mhm." She gestures to the shelves around the room and frowns. "But wouldn't you know it, I'm all out of shelf space and have nowhere to put them. Good books shouldn't be stuck in a dusty old drawer. If only I knew some responsible ponies who could take care of them for me."
Even knowing what she's up to, I still wave a hoof eagerly. "Bluey and I can do it! I have plenty of space on my shelves!"
"Yeah, and I can guard them!" my brother chimes in. "I won't let any bad ponies steal your books! I bet they'd want them 'cause they belong to you, and you're the most important pony in Equestria."
"That would certainly put my mind at ease," the alicorn muses. "But are you sure?"
"Of course," I answer without hesitation. "We'll even wait until you can come over before we read them so we can do it together."
"Aha! You can count on us, Aunty!" Blueblood adds, giving another sloppy salute. "Your books will be safe and ready to read for when you come over."
"That certainly is a relief," she answers, giving us each another nuzzle. "I gratefully accept your offer. I'm so glad I have such wonderful ponies like you to help me in my time of need."
"Any time, Aunty," Bluey says seriously. "You just call, and me and Pure will be ready to help, no matter what."
I agree wholeheartedly, then look down at the books in the drawer. For a moment, I'm tempted to pull them out and study their covers, but I bite my lip and force my eyes back up to Celestia. "Um, Aunty, as much as I really want to look at the books, and I really want to, where's Twilight?"
Her smile dims while Blueblood's drops completely. Even Mom and Dad seem to tense. "She's currently in her tower - I offered it to her as her private study for when she's at the castle and I'm not with her." She takes a deep breath and tries to sound jovial. "It's a library in itself, so you can imagine she's taken quite a liking to it. She spends practically all of her free time there, reading... alone."
"Oh," is all I manage. "Can I go talk to her."
"That is why you're here," Celestia says, looking to my parents. "She's shy around strangers, though, so if I could ask... Do you two mind staying here while Pureblood and I go to see my student."
"I don't really know if that's a good idea," Mom says hesitantly, getting Dad to place a hoof gently on her shoulder.
"I'm sure it'll be fine," he says. "There's no safer place for our daughter to be than with Aunty Celestia. She won't let a repeat of... the incident happen again, right?"
"Of course," Celestia says seriously. "This is merely a talk, not a magic test. I've already made it clear to Twilight to not use magic around Pureblood, and she listens very well."
"I'm coming, too," Bluey pipes in. "I'm not gonna leave Pure's side."
"I suppose, since you're classmates, she probably already knows you," Celestia muses, looking down to me.
There's a question in her eyes, and I have the same on my mind. "Bluey," I say. "Twilight is my friend, remember, and I'm here to talk to her so we can keep being friends..."
"I won't yell at her," the colt grumps, crossing his hooves and adding under his breath, "Even if she deserves it."
I ignore the last part and try to smile. "Thanks. It really means a lot to me."
With that settled, Mom and Dad give us each a quick peck on the forehead before helping Celestia put us on her back. Then we're off through the halls. I'm not really interested in the path we take, instead trying to think of what I'm going to say to Twilight when I finally see her, but I do notice when we end up outside.
Blinking against the bright sunlight, I look around to see a part of the castle grounds I haven't been, and spot a large spire in the direction we're heading. Sure enough, that ends up being our destination as Aunt Celestia walks up the steps, taking extra care to go it slow as to not bounce my brother or me off her back.
I expect for her to simply open the doors and enter, seeing as how it is technically part of her castle, but instead, the Princess of Equestria knocks and waits patiently. Leaning out over Celestia's left shoulder to look past her neck as Blueblood does the same over her right, I flick my ears forward and listen. I can just barely hear voices, and am confused by the sound of a boy speaking.
They get louder, harsh whispers coming through the door, until finally, it opens part way and a head pops out. It's certainly not Twilight, this pony being a white colt with a blue mane and eyes. He looks like he's a fair bit older than me and Bluey, but still a long way off from being an adult. Maybe Cadance's age.
"Princess Celestia!" he starts, voice cracking. He clears his throat and continues, "I mean, Princess." He looks over at us, then back to Celestia. "Um, is Twilight's guest here?"
She smiles down at him and nods, gesturing to her left towards me. "Yes, This is Twilight's friend, Pureblood, who's come to talk to your sister. May we come in?"
"Uh, just a sec," he answers, shutting the door. The whispering starts back up, and after a minute, he pops his head back out, looking sheepish. "Twily... doesn't think that's a good idea."
Celestia raises a brow. "What do you mean, Shining Armor? I thought young Twilight had already agreed to this."
"She did!" he quickly assures. "She just doesn't think it's a good idea to, you know... be in the same room as Pureblood." He looks over his shoulder, expression becoming sad. "She says she might accidentally hurt her."
"So what?" Bluey pipes up irritably. "We just go home after coming all the way here?" He seems to mull this over for second, then smiles. "Okay! Let's go home, Pure! You can come, too, Aunty, and we can read those new books!"
"Bluey!" I say, indignant.
"Shining, can you ask Twilight to reconsider, please?" Celestia asks. "I believe it would be good for her if she had a talk with Pureblood."
"Er, yeah, just a sec," he answers, ducking back inside. Blueblood huffs while I glare at him and Shining resumes talking to his sister behind the door.
It's so frustrating, especially knowing Twilight is right there with just some wood between us. I can even recognize her voice now that I realize who it is the new colt is talking to. In fact...
"Twilight!" I call. "I know you're right behind the door! If you're afraid of me coming in, then I'll stay outside and we can talk right here!"
The two other siblings cease their arguing, and then, "A door didn't keep you safe last time," a shaky voice calls out.
"This isn't like last time!" I counter, peeking over Celestia's side and shuffling my hooves. The alicorn must have realized my intent, because she gently uses a wing and hoof to pick me up and lower me to the stone ground. Stepping up to the door so that I don't have to yell, I continue, "You aren't doing a test and you're not going to use your magic, right?"
"No..."
"Then it's perfectly safe for us to talk," I conclude. "And besides, doors help a lot. Magic doesn't hurt as much when it's behind doors and walls."
"... Really?" is the hesitant response.
"Yep," I chirp. "So can we talk?"
It's quiet for a second, then the colt speaks up, urging her to agree, and finally, Twilight answers, "I... I guess."
"Great!" I cheer.
"But you have to stay out there," she affirms. "It's safer."
"That's fine. It's very nice out today."
"Shining," Celestia calls. "Would you like to join Blueblood and me out here? I think it's for the best if we step away to allow the girls some privacy. I believe that would make Twilight more comfortable, right, my student?"
"... If you don't mind, Princess."
"Of course not," she says over my brother's protests. "We'll be just at the bottom of the steps if you need us."
The door opens, the older colt stepping out after a reassuring hug to his sister. As he passes me, he smiles, but it doesn't reach his worried eyes. I try to smile, but I can't keep the hesitance out of my expression. I look down just in time to see Twilight's face, and my heart stutters.
Her mane is full of split ends and there are bags under her bloodshot eyes that should never be on a pony so young. She meets my gaze for a moment, then winces and pushes the door shut with a bang. I flinch at the sound and gulp, but when Celestia asks if I'm alright, I just smile and nod.
I wait until the other three ponies are down the stairs, all of them staring up at me, before I speak. "Hey, Twilight," I start lamely. "So... Aunty Celestia's student, huh? That must be cool."
It's silent for nearly ten seconds, then, "It is. She's a really good teacher."
"You're pretty lucky," I say, relaxing a little. "She's super nice and knows a lot. Plus you get to spend a lot of time with her. She's busy most of the time, so Bluey and I don't get to see her a whole lot."
"I'm sorry," she squeaks through the door, instantly making me tense again. "I didn't mean to- I don't want to take her from you, o-or anything like that."
"No, no," I say hurriedly. "I wasn't saying I was mad. I'm fine with you being her student! Happy even! She's teaching you control, right?" She's sniffling now, and I resist the urge to smack my head against the barrier between us. "I'm not saying that's good because of what happened at the exam. I just mean, it's good to learn as much as you can, right? I'm sure you'll have that down in no time and you'll start on, I don't know, fire magic or something." There's a hiccup, and I step closer, speaking in the gentlest voice I can. "Please don't cry, Twilight. I'm not mad."
"B-but why not?" she replies, choking down on a sob. "You came here to yell at me, right? B-because I hurt you real bad and put you in the hospital. You have to be mad."
"Twilight," I begin, trying to convey how much I mean these next words through my voice alone. "I am not mad, and I didn't come to yell at you."
"...How?" she whispers, my ears barely able to pick it up. "How aren't you mad?"
"I'm not mad, because you didn't mean for me to get hurt," I explain. "It was an accident, right? You didn't mean for it to happen."
"O-of course I didn't, but it still happened," she answers. "A-and you don't know the worst part still, 'cause if you did, you'd hate me for sure."
My brow furrows as I work through what she said. "What do you mean? What else is there to know? You had a magic surge on accident, it... put me to sleep for a while, and now I'm awake."
"When it happened," she starts. "I was so scared that I ruined everything, that Princess Celestia was going to lock me in the dungeons for sure, and when I found out somepony got hurt, I was even more sure. Then Princess Celestia came to me, and I learned it was you who got hurt, her family, and I cried so hard, b-because my life was over.
"But I wasn't in trouble. Instead, she was going to make me her student, and that's why I'm a bad pony. I was so... happy. Happy that I wasn't going to be banished. Happy that I was going to be Princess Celestia's student... When she told me, all I could be was happy for myself, and you were in the hospital." She snorts wetly, then continues. "I even got my cutie mark! And I was happy for that, too! I got my cutie mark hurting another pony, and at first, all I could think is how great it was! It wasn't until night time, when I was in bed, that I finally thought about you. Really thought. I had hurt you, I didn't know how bad. I didn't ask. A-and I remembered the princess' face, and how she wasn't smiling. She looked sad, but I didn't even notice.
"I'm a horrible pony," she concludes in a despairing whisper that causes my heart to clench. There's nothing but the sound of barely restrained crying for nearly two minutes as I work my mouth fruitlessly. I don't know what I can say but I know I have to say something.
"You're not a bad pony," I decide, because it's what I believe.
"How can you still say that?"
"You were scared and confused. It makes sense that it took you awhile to work everything out in your head," I try to explain. "Sometimes, when things happen, big things that you never thought could happen, you just don't know what to feel. I think- I know that's what happened to you. It doesn't make you bad."
"I'm pretty sure it does," she counters. "Only the bad ponies in my story books feel happy when they hurt others."
"But you weren't happy that night," I quickly point out. "And you aren't happy now, right? You wouldn't use your magic right now because you know it would hurt me, and you don't want that, right?"
"Of course not!" she yells.
I press my hoof to the door and do the same with my advantage. "See?! You don't want to hurt me!"
"That's different!"
"It is, because the first time around, it was an accident... Or maybe that makes it the same, because you didn't want to hurt me then, either?" I breathe in deep and try to calm myself and the thoughts spinning around in my head. It's certainly not helping the ache behind my eyes from all the magic I felt today.
We're going in circles, and I know I need to try something different. "Listen, Twilight, what is it you do want? Do you want me to forgive you? Because I do, but it sounds like maybe that's not what you want."
"I... I just want to learn more," she says.
I blink a few times. "That's all?"
"When I'm studying, things make sense. I just read the words, and I remember them. I don't make anypony mad or hurt them. It's safe... Safe for everypony." Her voice is steadier now, almost resigned. "When the others came to my house and wanted to talk to me, I was afraid. I thought they were going to hate me and yell at me. Shiny said they wouldn't and that they just wanted to be good friends, but... then I was afraid for another reason. I don't know how to be a good friend. I hurt you, right? Even if I didn't mean to, I thought that I would just do it again.
"I don't know enough to be good, and that's why Princess Celestia made me her student. It's because I'm bad, but she wants to help me by teaching me. She's the most good pony in Equestria, right? If any pony knows how to make me good, make me safe, it's her, r-right?"
There's a desperation in her voice that I don't know how respond to, and I'm starting to realize that we're both really confused and lost in all of this. It should be simple. She says she's sorry for hurting me, and I tell her it's okay, and then we go back to being friends. Maybe even better friends if she didn't ignore us as much.
That's how these things are supposed to go, but it's not happening, and I don't know why. "Yeah," I finally manage. "That's right. Aunty Celestia can help." I hope with all my heart that she can, because I'm starting to think that I can't. "Twilight... Even if you think you're bad, even if you think I should hate you for what happened, I really, really don't. Just... remember that, okay? I'll always be your friend, and I'm sure the other girls will be too, so when you're ready, we'll be waiting."
"... Okay."
I smile weakly. "Hey, Twilight?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I write you letters?" I ask. "I can tell you what we're all doing and stuff, so when you're ready to spend time with us again, you'll know what's been going on."
"That's... fine."
"Good, good," I manage. "And... maybe you can write some letters, too? Tell me how your studies are going. What kind of stuff you're learning."
"Why?"
I shrug, rubbing one foreleg with the other. "I'm sure you're going to learn all sorts of cool stuff, and it'll be cool to read about." Really, I just want her to have an avenue to stay connected with me in the hopes that maybe, just maybe she'll end up writing in a letter that she wants to see each other again. It might be a long shot, but it's all I can think of at the moment.
"I guess I can try," she answers uncertainly.
"That's fine," I assure her, then I look behind me. The others are still there, watching with worry in the case of Blueblood, hope from Shining, and a combination of both on Aunty Celestia's face. "I guess... this is it, then."
"Sorry," she says again.
"For what?"
"You sound sad."
I sigh softly. "I am sad, but it's alright as long as we can still be friends."
"Maybe, when Princess Celestia teaches me enough to be good, we can read together like you do with Moondancer?"
I can't help but smile at that, the first real sign that I'm not the only one reaching out right now. "I'd like that, and I bet Moondancer would, too." The filly hums noncommittally, and I take a step back. "Bye for now, Twilight."
"Bye, Pure."
Without another word, I move to the edge of the stairs, and see Celestia already making her way up to greet me. "Are you two finished talking?" she asks.
"Yeah," I answer glancing over my shoulder before looking to meet the older colt's stare. "Um, I think she really needs her big brother right now... I kind of need mine, too."
Bluey almost falls off of Celestia's back before she manages to get him down, and he's hugging me as Shining rushes past us to comfort his sister. "Did she hurt you?" my brother asks angrily. "If she did, I'll-"
"I'm fine, Bluey," I tell him, wrapping my arms around him and squeezing. "I'm just really tired." I look up at Celestia. "Twilight needs a lot of help, and I'm not sure I can give it to her."
Celestia closes her eyes. "Yes, I thought as much," she says sadly. She opens her eyes and gives a small smile. "And I'll do my best to provide her with it. Don't worry, Pureblood."
"I know you will." I bury my muzzle against Blueblood's neck so my next words are muffled. "Can we go back to Mom and Dad, now? I'm tired."