The Iron Ho-Ho-Horse: Hearth's Warming By The Numbers

by The Hat Man


Division

Turing Test went up to her room to put the gifts she’d received with her things while the others began to prepare breakfast together. 001 was already trying to learn a new song on her accordion and the music filled the house.

As she was turning to leave, however, she spotted something outside her window.

It was a tiny machine with a propeller: a drone. It was watching her with a singular camera eye. It did not retreat when she spotted it, but rather stayed there for a few moments before slowly pulling back and flying out over the orchard.

Turing’s ears lifted and her eyes constricted. Could it be…?

She grabbed something from her luggage in a small box and galloped down the stairs as quickly as she could, even running past her family.

“Turing?” Cobbler called. “Where are you going?”

“I will be back soon, Father!” she shouted back, and ran out the back door.

Using her keen sense of hearing, she followed the sound of the small drone as it led her out into the orchard. It was cold, and though it wasn’t snowing, a light fog had gathered among the trees, and soon the family mansion was no longer visible in the heavy morning mist.

Almost anything could be hiding out there, but she had her suspicions of who it could be.

She began to slow as she heard the drone humming as it hovered in the middle of a clearing among the peach trees. It wasn’t running from her, she was certain now; the drone had led her there.

The drone gently touched down and skittered away on tiny metallic legs. Just as Turing was about to follow, she heard hoofsteps sinking into the damp grass.

She could make out the shape of somepony approaching. Then, through the mist, she saw the dull glow of a singular yellow light.

And then she was sure who it was.

“002?” Turing whispered.

Her second eldest sibling strolled into view, the moisture of the mist collecting all along her slender titanium frame. She stared back at her with one unblinking yellow eye.

“Hello again, 003,” she said, her harsh, raspy voice echoing among the trees. She tossed her head back, clearing the long strands of her mane out of her face to see Turing better. “I see you followed my drone.”

“Sister!” Turing cried, rushing forward.

“No!” 002 hissed, holding up a hoof. “No hugs. I’m not here to indulge your sentimentality.”

Turing stopped in her tracks, her ears drooping. “Oh. Very well.” She paused, waiting for 002 to explain herself, but when she didn’t, she said “Then why have you come here, 002?”

“Heh. I wish I knew,” 002 said, rolling her eye. She began to march in a circle around her younger sibling. “Part of me considered that this might be an ideal opportunity to get closer to that old fool and take my revenge without the Royal Guard getting in the way… but honestly, I was perfectly content just cutting him out of my life and being done with him forever.

“Or maybe it’s just some urge leftover from that idiotic dead girl that still lives in a tiny corner of our brains that made me want to come back to this place at this time of year.

“Or… or maybe it was my best chance to see you without a bunch of organics around.”

Turing tilted her head. “You wished to see me? Did you not say that you were not here to indulge in sentimentality?”

“No, I said I wasn’t here to indulge your sentimentality. My sentimentality is a different story…”

Turing Test’s eyes shifted into upward curves to indicate that she was smiling. “I see. Then I hope you are as happy to see me as I am to see you.”

“Well, I’ve been keeping tabs on Canterlot. You’ve heard of the drones. Maybe seen a few? I’ve built quite a few in my spare time…”

There was a sudden rush of sound and suddenly Turing Test found herself surrounded. A great swarm of insectoid drones of all different shapes emerged from the trees and flew into view.

“You have been busy,” Turing remarked, looking around.

“Oh yes, very busy,” 002 said. “Thus, I needed their assistance.”

“Assistance? With what? What have you been doing, Sister?”

“Science,” 002 said curtly. “My own science. Not hindered by those meatbags back in TechQuestria. I’m no one’s assistant or flunkey anymore.”

Turing nodded. “I am glad you have found something to occupy your time.”

002 raised her head. “Yes. I have.”

The two were silent for a moment. Then, her voice strained, Turing said, “002… I… I was so worried about you.”

002 took a step back. “Me? Why?! I can take care of myself!”

“But you have been missing since the day you disappeared! I have not seen you in half a year! You gave no word or greeting, and I often wondered if perhaps something had happened to you!”

“What I do is my business! I don’t need to waste my time reassuring you!”

“But… but 002… you are my sister. And now, perhaps more than at any point in my life, I have come to appreciate how wonderful it is to have a family. I wish you could have joined us. If you would only come back to the house with me—”

“Not happening,” 002 said abruptly, shaking her head. “Maybe you can forgive the pony who tried to make slaves out of us, but I can’t. And among our siblings, you’re the only one I tolerate.”

Turing sat down heavily. “You… ‘tolerate’ me?”

002’s eye shifted. “That’s not… I mean…”

She heaved a mechanical sigh. Then she took a few steps forward and embraced her.

“Oh, fine,” 002 said softly. “If you really want me to say it, then I will… but my way.”

Turing looked up as the drones began to maneuver themselves into a new formation. The flying and crawling drones used the nearby trees to form a message out of their little skittering bodies, and this is what it said:

I ❤ U 003

“Ah… Sister…”

Turing returned the hug.

“Yes, fine… I cannot deny that I care for you, 003,” she said, pulling away. “For what it’s worth, I’m fine. I just do not wish for the company of others… especially smelly meatbags like the kind you associate with. I won’t say where I’ve been or where you can find me, but you may take comfort in knowing that I am well. And, in truth, I have realized that I miss you… to a degree. So… let me give you your Hearth’s Warming present.”

Turing Test tilted her head to the side. “A present?” she asked.

002’s eye momentarily brightened and a single drone flew down to her. It then folded up into an egg shape.

“I call this drone ‘Pigeon.’ It can record a short message if you ask it to,” 002 said. “It will then relay it to me and I can send it back to you. I would prefer it if you would keep your messages relatively free of frivolity, but at least you won’t have to worry.”

She picked it up and gave it to Turing. “There. Happy now, 003?”

Turing nodded. “Yes. Thank you, Sister.”

“Good. Now, if you don’t mind, I’ll be on my way—”

“Wait!” Turing cried.

“Oh for the love of science… what?!”

Turing held up the box she’d taken from her room.

“And that is…?” 002 asked.

“It is your Hearth’s Warming present!” Turing said. “It is a new LED eye that will allow you to express your thoughts and feelings more plainly, like I and our other siblings do!”

002 looked down at the box. “Facial expressions… like an organic.” She scoffed. “Thanks but no thanks, 003… it will be a cold day in Tartarus before I start acting like a meatbag.”

“Tartarus is not particularly warm from what I understa—”

“You know what I mean!” 002 snapped. Then she heaved an artificial sigh. “Fine, you know what? I will take this present just so you don’t feel bad. Perhaps some day I will even find a use for it.

“Now, since we’ve exchanged gifts, may I please leave?”

Turing nodded. “Of course. Happy Hearth’s Warming, Sister,” she said cheerfully. “I hope you will join us next year.”

“Tch. Right. And maybe changelings will turn pastel.” As she moved back into the mist, she paused, looking over her shoulder. “...Happy Hearth’s Warming, 003.”

Turing Test watched her go, the drones disappearing with her into the orchard, until she was once again alone.

***

Back at the house, Turing Test went to the parlor. She went up to the mantle and made a little room next to her own Hearth’s Warming doll.

I suppose it is true that we are not a traditional family. But Maud Pie is right… celebrating Hearth’s Warming with family, creating new traditions, connecting with each other even when we live far apart… it truly is the best.

She placed 002’s Hearth’s Warming doll onto the mantle. She gave a nod of approval and turned back to celebrate the day with her family as they discussed the past and looked forward to whatever the future held in the new year.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, HAPPY HEARTH’S WARMING

AND THE BEST TO YOU ALL IN THE NEW YEAR!