“Why do we have to write them cards?” Trixie whined. “This is giving me a headache and the Great and Lovely Trixie needs her beauty sleep.”
Starlight groaned and sighed. She scratched her chin with the feathery side of her pen, and after a deep breath and a quick count to ten she turned back to her marefriend. “Because it shows that we care about our friends and shows how much we know them on a much more personal level.”
“I think the gifts that we got them shows that,” Trixie responded.
“You mean the gifts you ordered yesterday,” Starlight deadpanned.
“Yeah.”
“You mean the gifts that I told you to order a week in advance,” Starlight said as she leaned closer.”
“They could have changed their minds on what they wanted. Trixie was being cautious.”
“You mean the gifts that won’t arrive until January because that’s shipping works every Hearth’s Warming!?” Starlight pressed her snout against Trixie’s.
Trixie backed away and cried “Starlight! I’m the victim here! How was I supposed to know that the calendar in the wagon was off by a couple years?”
“It’s your wagon! You should update your calendars in your wagon! It’s not even the right month!”
“Well duh, Trixie was only Miss June for the calendar photoshoot.” She stopped to admire her stunning beauty in the 4 year old calendar. The bright, sunny pinks and oranges and vibrant palm trees contrasted poorly with the snow speckled window and the dark moonlit sky.
Starlight was not happy.
She took another deep breath and slowly counted to ten again.
Trixie crossed off June on the calendar and wrote December on top of it. She turned to Starlight and nodded approvingly at her brilliant work.
Starlight continued counting to twenty just to be safe.
After she finished counting, she looked back to the very empty parchment. It was filled with many things, like potential, possibilities and other awe inspiring things that was not a Hearth’s Warming card. She filled the parchment and her desk with her face.
Starlight righted herself back up and inspected the paper and her horn. Fortunately, no holes were created, but the absence of holes did not alleviate the absence of cheery holiday sentiments.
“Trixie, please just work with me-”
Trixie paused mid-step out the door way with her warm scarf wrapping around her and hat partially on her head.
“Trixie!”
“I was hungry and was going to get us some dessert.”
“All the stores in Ponyville close after six on Hearth’s Warming Eve.”
“What?!”
“How do you not know this?”
“I haven’t spent a Hearth’s Warming in Ponyville before! Oooh, and I really wanted a hot cocoa with mint marshmallows and chunks of fudge mixed with peanut butter. This is a crime!”
“I think it’s the law...or at least something endorsed by Mayor Mare.”
“Mayor Mare will rue the day she crossed The Great and Powerful Trixie…”
“Trixie-” Starlight closed the door with her magic “-please stay focused. I’ll make the hot cocoa just the way you like it. All you have to do is just help me write a little Hearth’s Warming card for each of our friends.”
“You know how to make mint marshmallows and peanut butter fudge?”
“Yeeee-no, but Spike does! And I’m pretty sure I can convince him to help me make it.”
“Fine, the Great and Powerful Trixie will assist her Beautiful and Amazing marefriend in creating the greatest Hearth’s Warming Cards in Equestria!” Trixie cheered followed by a very unnecessary explosion of pyrotechnics spelling her name above her and a simple cartoon of her face winking at both ends.
“Okay, let’s just start with something simple. Just brainstorming what our friends mean to us and we can make a list.”
“You’ve been hanging around Twilight too much.”
“Speaking of which, let’s start with her. She’s an excellent leader.”
“She’s a total nerd.”
“Trixie!”
“She totally is.”
“I mean, yeah, but this is a card where we talk about their good qualities...or at least say it in a nice way.”
“Her being a nerd is fine! And her being a little fat is fine! And the way she gets really excited about stupid books is fine! And the way her eyes light up when she talks about her science experiments is fine!”
“Trixie, are you okay?” Starlight asked.
“I’m fine.” Trixie huffed.
“Okay, so, a leader, smart, contagious excitement, cute, plenty of things to write a little Hearth’s Warming card about there. How about someone else?”
“Sure, what was the blue loud one’s name again?”
“Haha, very funny Trixie.”
“Yes, a hilarious joke…”
“You didn’t seriously forget Rainbow Dash’s name, did you?”
“How could The Great and Good at Remembering Things Trixie forget lesbian carwash’s name?”
“W-who?!”
“Rainbow Flash.”
“This isn’t funny, Trixie.”
“Look, I don’t care about her, she’s a total bitch.”
“Trixie! You can’t just say that!”
“Tell me I’m wrong!”
“...hmm…”
“I knew it!”
“She’s not that bad! She can be quick to jump down your throat and a total show off, but she really cares about her friends and does a lot of good!”
“I heard she nearly blew up the Cloudsdale snow factory just so her turtle wouldn’t sleep for the winter.”
“I know that sounds really bad...because it is. But! That just shows how much she cares for the people that’s important to her. I know she would move mountains to help us, when we needed it.”
Trixie paused and thought about it. “Fine, but someone needs to serve her some humble pie.”
“So, Rainbow Dash, a larger than life hero that can’t be stopped.”
“And a bitch.”
“I’m not writing that.”
“Only sometimes.”
“So how about Rarity?”
“Also a bitch.”
“Trixie, none of our friends are bitches...except sort of Rainbow Dash.”
“She said Trixie’s cape was ugly!” Trixie grabbed her cape and hugged it tight.
“Rarity said that?”
“Well, she said it could use a wash…”
“Was it after a show?”
“Y-yeah…”
“It probably needed a wash. Your smoke bombs leave the worst stench after a show. I bet she even offered to dry clean it for you.”
“It felt insulting in the moment!” Trixie hugged her cape even tighter, lightly stroking the silky fabric and whispering, “Trixie’s cape is perfect in every way.”
“Right, so Rarity is very generous and not a bitch in anyway.”
“She kinda sounds like she’d be a really snooty one though.”
“Well, that’s why it’s important to not judge a book by it’s cover or an album by it’s sound.”
“Don’t think that one works.”
“No, but let’s keep movin-”
“What’s the deal with her running a clothing store in Ponyville?”
“Huh? She’s really good at it. All the Gala dresses she makes are incredible.”
“Sure, whatever, a creative tour de force, how often do you see ponies around here with clothes?”
“Uhh, a lot of scarves and hats in the winter.”
“Yeah, but she doesn’t sell scarves and hats.”
“She totally sells hats.”
“Okay, sure, but not functional hats that normal ponies wear. Look, I’m just wondering, how does she have enough money to open up a shop in Canterlot? She rarely sells anything and she’s always giving things away for free. I’m thinking she’s doing something on the side-”
“I’m going to stop this before it reaches its natural conclusion and say, Rarity is a genius with making money work and working for money. She’s networked with all sorts of industry leaders and the nobles in Canterlot. Girl knows how to get what she wants and I don’t want you to imply that she’s doing something like sex work or something.”
“I wasn’t going to say she was a prostitute! I thought she was selling drugs.”
“How is that any better?!” Starlight yelled.
“Well, first off, sex workers are fine ponies-”
“I didn’t mean it like that!” Starlight tried to interrupt.
“-Second off! Selling drugs to rich, elite, Canterlot snobs brings in loads of bits! It would totally explain how she got a shop in one of the most expensive cities in Equestria.”
“Trixie, could you please just try to stick to positive things?”
“I am! If no one tells them their faults, how are they going to improve themselves? It’s positive in the long run because they improve themselves!”
“Auugh, fine! I’m not going to get Spike to make that hot cocoa.”
“W-wait! Uh, she’s super hot!”
Starlight paused again, “That’s not exactly something I can write for the Hearth’s Warming card, but at least it’s positive and true.”
“She looks like she’d be an escort only the richest Canterlot snobs could afford.”
“Celestia damn it, Trixie.”
“What?! I’m trying!”
“Applejack! We’re writing about our honest friend Applejack.”
“The country hick?”
“C’mon Trixie!”
“No, no! I love her! She’s the strong, hot one, right?”
“Yeah, can you think of something that isn’t how much you want to get in bed with them?”
“Of course! She helped fix my wagon when I was heading out of town for a show a year ago.”
“Oh that was nice of her.”
“Yeah, one of the stupid wheels broke.”
“Wait, was that the day I told you to replace that cracked wheel before you headed out?”
“Maybe? Doesn’t matter! She had a spare in her barn and fixed it all by herself. What an amazing mare. I had to repay her in some way. So I kindly invited her into my wagon and showed her a lot of gratitude,” Trixie giggled.
“So not much you want to get in bed, but how much you’ve already gotten, great.”
“Trixie has a way with mares.”
“Wait, Trixie. You had sex with Applejack.”
“I prefer more innuendo, but to put it bluntly, yes.”
“But Applejack is in a monogamous relationship with Rainbow Dash.”
“W-what?”
“Guess that explains why Dash hates you so much.”
“Who the hell is in a monogamous relationship in this day and age?!”
“They’re one of the few,” Starlight said while rummaging through Trixie’s desk.
“Damn it...I swear I didn’t know!”
“I know, Trixie. You’re just a very fast and convincing mare. Probably too fast for Applejack.”
“Oh no, I feel absolutely awful…”
“Well, you should, but Applejack and Rainbow are okay and still together.”
“I really didn’t mean to hurt anypony. This is the last thing I want for anyone.”
“Sounds like you have an apology to write to Rainbow and Applejack then,” Starlight withdrew another pen an another page of parchment from Trixie’s desk and floated them to Trixie.
“More writing?”
“Well telling me how sorry you feel isn’t helping either of them out.”
“R-right…”
“I guess I’ll just brainstorm the rest and write the cards while you do that.”
“Okay…” Trixie said as she scratched at the page
“Fluttershy, Fluttershy, Fluttershy…” Starlight muttered.
“She’s so nice to everyone.”
“Yep, no doubt the element of kindness.”
“She hired me to put on a show for her animals once when I really needed money.”
“Aww, that’s both cute and nice.”
“One of her birds accidentally ripped my cape and I yelled at the bird.”
“Oh no.”
“Then I yelled at Fluttershy and made her cry…” Trixie interrupted. “She paid in full, upfront, so I just left.”
“Oh.”
“I’m a bad pony, Starlight.”
“Trixie, no you’re not,” Starlight trotted to Trixie’s hunched over form and embraced her.
“I just keep messing up and I can’t stop.”
“We all make mistakes, Trixie.”
“Yeah, but I make the worst ones.”
“I think I’ve made some worse choices.”
“But you’ve done such a good job of making up for them! You keep trying and now you’re a guidance counselor for a friendship school! That’s how good you are at it. Pinkie Pie invites me to a party just for me, and I don’t go because I think she’s annoying!”
“Well, I didn’t start out good at making up for my messes, but I learned a lot from Twilight and her friends. If it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t be here with you right now.” Starlight tightened her embrace. “That’s why they mean so much to me and why I want to write these cards for them.”
“Do you think if I became their friends, I’d stop being a terrible pony?”
“First, you’re not a terrible pony,” Starlight said softly. She lifts Trixie’s chin so their eyes can meet and continues, “Second, I don’t think being their friends alone would change you. Only you can change you, but maybe being their friends would help convince you to change. Afterall, they already think you’re their friends...well except maybe AJ and Dash.”
Trixie winced.
“But I’ll help every step of the way, because I’m your friend and because I love you.”
“I love you too, Starlight. I’m sorry I’m ruining your Hearth’s Warming.”
“It’s okay. It’s not Hearth’s Warming yet anyway,”
Starlight pecks Trixie’s forehead lightly with her lips and drags her to bed. They lie down together snuggled close and cozy under the blankets. Starlight floats the pen and paper above them and they work together to finish the Hearth’s Warming cards and then the apology letters.