“So, are there any other mini bosses we should know about beforehand?” Sunset asked as she walked backwards to glare at the three male teens at the rear of the group.
“Well, there was a particularly ferocious cockroach that managed to steal food after putting me in a half-nelson headlock,” Light Patch admitted as he thought. “But aside from it, that’s about as far as I ever got miniboss wise. Everything else was just boss battles”
“There was also that mare Purple Heart grammar-corrected at the party,” Wits said, shooting a glare at the purple teen. “Although, that was more like a ‘Press X to Not Die’ QTE. Which you managed to fail spectacularly. Thanks for that, by the way.”
Purple Heart tripped over air and whirled around to glare at Wits, stopping the group entirely.
“YOU-” he pointed at the smug minty-haired teen, “-are completely correct!”
Wits blinked slowly. “And handsome, but thanks for the acknowledgement anyway.”
“That has nothing to do with this!” Purple Heart continued. “I let the snark take hold and got things completely borked! Seems to be in my job description! I didn’t properly pose my demand to Discord according to ‘Genie Rules of Wishes’! And another th-”
“FOCUS!” Fluttershy snapped, glaring at the purple teen. “We have places to be, a town to save, and a world to fix. Do your bromance thing later.” Purple Heart’s mouth clacked shut under the smaller teen’s cyan gaze.
“Yes, ma’am,” he replied timidly, turning around to lead again. Wits mouthed the word ‘bromance’, the color draining from his face.
“It’s clear that you three are prone to fits of emotion that ruin any forward progress of any kind,” Rarity commented. “I mean, that quite literally was out of nowhere and solved absolutely nothing.”
“What does Fluttershy’s outburst count as then?” Rainbow asked. “A small bout of endearingly cute hostility?”
“Yes!” Pinkie cheered. “My waifu is all for the stern, yet cute reprimands!” The pink-haired girl gave Fluttershy a side-embrace and Fluttershy’s stern countenance promptly vanished to be replaced by her normal timid self.
“Hey look, guess you won’t have to explain that word again,” Light Patch chuckled, nudging Wits End in the side with his elbow.
“Fphbibble,” Wits sputtered poetically.
“Ignoring Pinkie’s randomness, and dragging us back onto topic. From what you’re saying we should be fairly clear in terms of minibosses?” Sunset asked, trying to keep her annoyance out of her voice. “At least we’ll have an easier time of getting to the Hydra, then.”
“Unless it starts throwing old bosses at us. I mean, we did already see one of them earlier,” Light Patch helpfully supplied.
“Why would you even say tha-” Twilight’s shout was cut off as the sound of a nearby gate beginning to open. One of the gates to Amber’s castle was slowly opening, but easily seen through the bars of the portcullis was a squad of guards, behind whom stood a very familiar figure to the three boys.
“When we’re done with the boss rush you just began, if you aren’t already dead, I will find a way to make it so,” Wits End said flatly as he glared at Light Patch.
“Ah thought ya said the minibosses were done,” Applejack said, eying the three boys critically.
“Well, technically-” Purple Heart was forced to swallow his next words when Applejack’s fist appeared mere inches from his nose.
“Any smart mouthin’ from you, and Ah cave in yer skull until one of ya gives a straight answer,” the blonde girl snarled. The boys all gulped.
“Eh, minibosses are done for sure,” Purple Heart coughed. “However, it seems that main bosses being rolled out.” He pointed at the ash-colored earth pony backed by several dozen bandits. “Him? He got banished by his brother the king so this guy decided to take the throne for himself. Meet-”
“So, you insufferable colts, we meet again at last,” Boomer drawled, leaning on his enchanted sword. “It has been far too lo-”
“Hey,” Purple Heart snapped, “I’m providing lore and backstory for those who don’t kn-”
“I’ve waited for this moment for a very, very, very, very, very, very-”
Purple Heart picked up a nearby dustbin and hurled it into the crowd of bandits behind Boomer. “DO NOT INTERRUPT ME WHILE I’M INTERRUPTING YOU!” the Purple Barbarian bellowed. Silence fell on the block and Purple Heart sighed, turning back to the stunned girls. “In any case, Boomer was the disgraced brother of King Bastion and was banished due to being thought guilty of killing their sister-”
Once again, Purple Heart’s anecdotal lore blurb was interrupted. “Mind if I cut in?” asked a voice from a bright light behind the group. A tall, regal-looking alicorn emerged from the light, a wry smile on her face. “I do apologise,” she said, talking over the purple teen’s grumbling. “I heard you all speaking of betrayals and sisters, and simply could not help myself.”
Wits End hissed, forming a cross with his forefingers. “Back! Bad Sol Eater! No biscuit!”
“Who’s that?” Sunset asked. “Your ex?”
“Don’t. Just don’t even joke about that.”
Boomer stepped forward, a frown on his wrinkled face as he considered Sol Eater’s appearance. “Who might you be?” he sneered. “Some pegasus who thinks she’s an alicorn? Newsflash girlie, those aren’t real.”
Sol Eater shook her head, her smile never leaving her face. “Oh, my dear, sweet, ignorant child. Did you never learn to trust your eyes when they see the rays of dawn’s first light?” She spread her wings, sending the silk that covered her armor flowing. “I am your Lady of the Sun. Your queen.” She waved a forehoof dismissively. “Feel free to kneel should you feel it necessary.”
Sunset leaned over to Wits’ shoulder. “Your ex is pretty rough,” she whispered.
Wits End shot her a look back. “Shut.”
“Rulers do not kneel to another unless forced to,” Boomer declared, drawing himself up to his full height. “I will show you what an earth pony can do against a fictional being such as yourself.” He lifted his sword and pointed it at Sol Eater in challenge. “CHA-” His words were promptly silenced by a thundering crash and a massive puff of dust and debris that blanketed the street. The teens, and Sol Eater, hacked and coughed to clear their lungs of the offending cloud, waving their appendages vigorously to clear their sight. It wasn’t long before the cloud dissipated to reveal two hulking shapes instead of Boomer and his posse.
Two suits of ornate steel armor in the shape of horses loomed over the group, each one with their helms slowly turning from the ground to look at the teens. One took a shuddering step forward, armor-clad wings unfolding as it readied a sword as large as a fully grown man. The other’s horn glinted in the light as it nocked an arrow the size of a lamppost into a greatbow, taking aim at the clustered group.
Sol Eater cleared her throat, regaining some of her lost poise. “Well, it appears that I am unnecessary in this battle,” she said calmly. “I wish you all the best of luck in your imminent demise. Especially you, my little princess.” With a wink, the Lady of the Sun retreated into the light, slightly faster than she had initially exited it, and disappeared.
After a moment, Wits sighed. “Great, even the villains don’t want to deal with Ornwatcher and Smoufender. I don’t suppose saying ‘I have Bits’ will be enough for this?” He winced as the bow was drawn taut. “That’s a no then. Alrighty. SCATTER!”
The group scattered as the two bosses charged towards them, staying close to each other while working to keep the teens disorganized. They couldn’t prevent every attack, but any time one seemed to be close to defeat, the other would quickly step in and prevent it long enough for the first to recover.
“This whole ‘whaling on them till they go down’ thing isn’t working!” Rainbow Dash shouted, working around the outskirts of the battle to try and find time to take shots. “You two suck, and are the reason I quit playing that dumb game!”
“How are they able to hold out against us like this? Mathematically we should be winning by shear damage output!” Twilight shouted in frustration before having to hastily dodge an attack by the sword-wielding Moughsy.
“It’s because they cheat!” Wits End shouted, whaling away at Bugstein in frustration before retreating back to Rainbow Dash.
“How did you beat them before?” Sunset asked, holding off a hail of giant arrows with a burst of flame. “Quickly!”
“I didn’t!” Wits shouted back. “I cheesed the game by taking advantage of an callback so they switched sides! We’re gonna have to do this the old fashioned way.”
“‘Cept they keep healin’ each other!” Applejack growled, throwing an arrow back at the giant Armoroids. “That’s gotta be cheatin’, right?”
Rarity snapped her fingers. “Get them separated! Divide and conquer, ladies! ...And… you three.”
“Great idea!” Wits turned to Purple Heart, ducking to avoid a sword swing. “Think you can punch one of them on the other side of that gate?”
Purple Heart gave a shrug and charged towards the large bow-wielding unicorn. “It won’t hurt to try,” he called over his shoulder. He struck the massive unicorn in the gut, sending it flying towards the gate. The purple teen then danced around, shaking his gauntlet hand in pain. “It hurts~! Oh piss biscuits, does it hurt!”
“Open handed doesn’t hurt as much,” Rarity commented, hurling a collection of needles at the nearby sword-wielding pegasus. Purple Heart glared at the girl as he kept shaking his throbbing hand.
“Yeh, well, guys prefer to punch instead of slap,” he retorted.
“I can imagine,” Sunset mused glibly, arching a red eyebrow at Purple Heart.
“Purple Heart, just stop talking and punch Moughsy some more, please?” Wits ordered.
“Let’s see them stay together with a wall between them,” Light Patch said, stomping a foot on the ground and causing a mass of tangled vines to rapidly grow between the armored opponents.
“Oh, well done. A mass of thorny briars the likes of which only those in heavy armor could only pass through,” Rainbow snarked.
“I’m not done yet,” Light Patch shouted, pulling flint from his pack and using the steel of his war hammer to shower the vines in sparks, causing them to erupt into flames and earning a giggle from Light Patch. “I enjoy being a fire hazard.”
“That’s very dangerous,” Fluttershy noted, shying away from the fluttering sparks and laughing flames.
“That,” Applejack stated, “is a bonfire. Yer not comin’ ta my house. Ever. At all.”
“Fire fire, burns much brighter, when oxygen, is the supplier,” sang Pinkie as she fired a Party Cannon through the flames to ignite Bugstein.
“Lovely,” Purple Heart called from where he was squashed under Moughsy. “Can I get a little help, please?”
“Well done keeping the bosses apart, but you also made it harder for us to work together as well,” Twilight shouted as she threw a pair of flasks towards the sword-wielder.
“I figured at least without working on the outside circle of the fight, we’d have a much easier time keeping them on seperate sides and switching ours as needed,” Light Patch shouted back as he used his magic to patch up Purple Heart.
“Yeah, we got them separated. Anyone have any bright ideas to finish one off so we can focus the other?”
“Hit them until it stops being funny!” Wits swung his sword, making a dent in Bugstein’s helmet. “They won’t be able to heal when they’re apart, so just make sure to keep them busy!”
Sunset sent another burst of flame at Moughsy. “Anyone who cares; now would be a very good time to get angry!”
Rainbow Dash let fly a flurry of towards Bugstein, most simply pinging off the armor with only a couple striking true. Bugstein flinched and swiftly drove forward, smacking Rainbow Dash with the flat of of its sword and causing her to fly back in an arc, landing near where Fluttershy was patching up Pinkie.
“Oh my,” the yellow teen said, turning to quickly check on Rainbow Dash, but was interrupted by a cry of pain from Applejack as she took a slash from Bugstein. Fluttershy looked towards Applejack and the battle; rather than seeing that they were turning the tides, through, her eyes picked out every scratch, every little nick and wound. “My friends are being hurt. I can’t heal them fast enough. I can’t do much of-” Her thoughts were interrupted by a yelp of pain as she looked up and saw Bugstein standing over Sunset, its sword raised high. Without a thought, her hand flashed out and snagged the first weapon it found.
“Hey wait, my hammer! I still kind of need tha-” Light Patch’s shout was cut short as thunder roared through the area when Fluttershy smashed the hammer into Bugstein’s back.
“How dare you hurt my friends!” she shouted, swinging the hammer faster than even Bugstein could block, resulting in blow after blow. “Nobody hurts my friends!” she continued, her blows striking without fail now. “Not if I have anything to say about it!” she finished with a powerful overhead blow, crushing Bugstein entirely.
Wits watched the battered helmet of Bugsy roll past him. “For the record,” he whispered to Sunset, “that is both why she is the best, and why I am terrified to ask her out.”
“And you’re afraid she’ll turn you down and think of you differently, thus ruining any chance at salvaging your former friendship,” Sunset replied.
“...Well I wasn’t before...”
“Would you kindly cease you’re chattering and help me!” Purple Heart squawked angrily, shoving Moughsy off him long enough to scoot out from under the armored pony and give it an unfriendly tap that sent it flopping onto its side.
“Oh yeah, forgot about that one,” Twilight hummed.
“Is this something the captain’s gotta do on his own?” Pinkie asked.
Purple Heart whirled around and pointed a finger at Wits. “You better get your ass over here and help or I swear by Cheerilee’s floral rump I shall ask Fluttershy out before you do!”
“That’s kind of a weird threat, isn’t-” Twilight was cut off by Wits End dashing past her, dropping his sword as he lept at Mugsy.
“Seattle Smaaaaash!” The mint-colored teen’s imitation of Purple Heart’s Jan Ken Hufu slammed into the Armoroid’s chest, sending it sliding away in a heap. “Alright, you big metal jerk! Time for you to meet my good friend, Dr. Metal Furnace, and his assistant, Mr. Jet Fuel.”
Pinkie poked at the pieces of armor that had decoupled upon hitting the ground. “I think it’s dead!”
Wits’ expression fell. “Go figure…”
“I thought you said they’d get worse when only one was left, not fold like a...” Light Patch froze. “A, uh… welp, there goes my hot streak,” he shrugged.
“I really need to pick up the Dimed Spirits games again,” Rainbow muttered, nudging around some of the armor with her foot. “So ,what horrible unspeakable things are we gonna have to fight against because of you three next?”
“It won’t be some kind of massive animal, will it?” Fluttershy asked weakly. Purple Heart winced.
“I mean, we did run into a Totoro,” he admitted. Applejack scrambled to catch Fluttershy before she collapsed.
“Was that really necessary?” she asked hotly.
“Probably not,” the purple teen grimaced, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment. “Honestly, there aren’t many villains left that we could run into.”
“So we won’t get swarmed by a horde of minor characters?” Twilight asked.
“Or surprised by a bunch of rabbits?” Pinkie added.
“What about getting crushed by a love-struck minotaur?” Rarity offered.
“Or glomped by some old ex’s?” Sunset sniffed.
“Were large spiders a problem?” Rainbow asked.
“How about a bunch of pissed off nobles?” Applejack added.
“Do we run the risk of running into anything like that?” Twilight inquired, eyeing the three boys critically. They all swallowed loudly, tugging at their collars.
“Uhm,” Purple Heart coughed, looking anywhere but at the girls. “Maaaaaaaaaybe.”
Fluttershy blinked worriedly at the three boys. “Please don’t tell me that they all guessed something along the lines of what took place in the game,” she whimpered.
Wits, Light, and Purple all closed their mouths with a clack.
Applejack groaned. “Aw, fer the love of-”
“Never mind. What would you three guess for the next set of bosses we’re most likely to face?” Sunset asked, rubbing her temples.
“Well, we went through the mini and sub-bosses. The only ones I can guess to be next would be-” Light Patch was cut off by a tendril of smoke wafting past him. Not remembering anything on fire, he turned to see a cloud of smoke that was slowly moving on the group. The rest of the group quickly lined up and readied their weapons as three shades emerged from the smoke.
“The main three bosses.” Wits gulped as flashbacks of the games world ripped through his mind, just as was happening to the other two as they watched shadows of their main foes stand across from them.
“How many of them are we gonna have to fight?” Purple Heart asked solemnly.
“I’m hoping it sticks to the rule of three myself,” Light Patch stated, his eyes locked with that of the shade representing Just Duty.
“This means we’re close to the end of the boss rush at least, yes?” Rarity asked, staring at the three shades.
“With all hope,” the three guys said.
“Unless there’s a secret boss fight we’re not expecting,” Wits muttered.
Sunset shot a glare at the teen. “Do you have some deep psychological trauma that forces you to say things that’ll cause us trouble in the future?”
“Entirely possible. Holdfast’s an odd choice, considering we just fought and beat the guys I fought for his boss battle.”
“So how do we handle this one?” Rainbow Dash asked. “Is this something the captains are gonna have to handle for themselves?”
“Somehow I feel like this is-” Light Patch was cut off as a barrier formed around the teens and the shades. “Yeah, that,” he finished, deadpan. The three teens lined up across from the shade of the villain based on them before looking at each other.
“Are you getting as sick of fighting these three as I am?” Wits End asked, motioning towards the shades.
“Considering it’s getting to the point where we almost have to fight them before we can eat, yes.” Purple Heart said, glaring at the shade of Bael.
“Trade?” Light Patch asked.
“Trade...”
“Yeah, sure, trade. y'all wanna trade too?” Wits End asked the shades. Surprised, the three shades glanced amongst each other before shrugging. With that final prompt, the two groups began shuffling around before they came to a rest.
“Huh, well this should be interesting,” Purple heart said, looking at the shadow of Holdfast across from him. “Hope you have fun getting beat up by my friends hammer,” he continued, waving cheerfully at the shadow of Bael.
“You don’t mind me cutting in on your little tête-à-tête with Light Patch do you?” Wits snarked, ignoring the purple teen. To its credit, the Just Duty shadow also ignored the remark.
“Get on with it~!” the girls snapped.
Purple Heart rolled his eyes and looked over his shoulder. “Can’t you at least let us have a little pre-battle banter?”
“You just did. Now fight,” Sunset ordered. “And as far as I can tell, they can’t talk.”
The three shades nodded mutely.
“That doesn’t prove anything!” Purple Heart whined.
Wits stretched his neck and shoulders. “That just means there’s less interruptions. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a ten minute monologue about how evil cannot win in the face of light and friendshi-” The mint-colored teen darted forward, drawing and swinging with sword in one motion—an attack that the Just Duty shade was just able to catch with the shaft of its hammer.
“Oh, we’re starting? Okay then,” Purple Heart said. He took a step towards Shade Holdfast, lifting his gauntlet and splaying his fingers. “Make sure to go for the heart.” Shade Holdfast wasted no time in unsheathing a rapier from his flank and lunging at the purple teen, blade aimed for his chest.
Light Patch hefted his hammer before looking at the shadow of Bael. “Well, I do believe it’s time for us to start our dance. I hope you don’t mind if I lead this production,” he said before charging the shade, swinging the hammer low and aiming for the feet, causing the shade to jump back before stepping back in to throw its own punches. Light Patch blocked them with the shaft before kicking the shadow of Bael back, allowing him to spin around like a ballet dancer to put more speed and force on his next swing. Bael ducked under the first swing and barely managed to jump over the second, giving him time to kick Light Patch, ending the spin and throwing Light Patch away.
Shade Holdfast’s blade was batted away by Purple Heart’s gauntlet, leaving an opening for the purple teen to dash forward and grapple with the hazy pony. He latched on to the shade’s forward most leg and threw him a dozen yards away. With barely a wince, the shade jumped back to its hooves and sprinted forward to within striking distance to harry Purple Heart with a sequence of slashes and thrusts. The Purple Barbarian himself ducked and juked around each attack, avoiding the very wicked looking blade the shade wielded with its magic.
After shoving the must lighter Wits End away, the Just Duty Shade brought its hammer down in an overhead attack. The mighty blow only hit ground, while Wits dodged to the Shade’s side. He struck the Shade’s armored foreleg with the back of his blade, sending vibrations through the heavy armor. The Shade wrenched its hammer out of the ground and swung it at the teen’s head, only the find that it passed through empty air. From his duck, Wits slide under the pony and struck at the joints of his armor, rolling out the other side as the Shade reared back. The teen looked up to see Just Duty’s hammer raised and ready to strike.
Light Patch staggered back before regaining his footing, while seeming to sway back and forth in an almost dance-like way. Bael advanced on him, every punch missing as Light Patch weaved out of the way. Suddenly, the teen ducked low before jumping back up, swinging the hammer towards Shadow Bael and forcing him back onto the defensive. Seeking to control the tempo again, the Shadow threw out a flurry of blows, only for it his hand to slam into the head of the hammer and a jolt of electricity to buzz through him. “Shocking, ain’t it?” Light Patch said with a smile, before his smile turned sinister and he jabbed the head of the hammer towards the shadow like a spear in short rapid bursts, the electricity forcing the shade to dodge rather than block before it found itself backed into the barrier. “Whup, looks like we’ve run out of stage. Guess it’s time for the lights to go out,” Light Patch said as gave one last swing, now that the shade was trapped and stunned from the electricity. With a puff of smoke, the shade vanished as the hammer slammed into it.
Purple Heart and Shade Holdfast’s bout continued with further dodging and rolling on the purple teen’s part while the shade had to skirt around heavy fists, dancing back to keep from getting pancaked. The pattern was ended with Purple Heart charging forward, closing the distance with his foe in a burst of speed. Shade Holdfast’s blade whipped up to skewer the charging teen through the chest only for Purple to slide under Shade Holdfast’s outstretched weapon and kick the shade’s legs from beneath it. With a short roll, Purple Heart was on his feet again with one of Shade Holdfast’s legs in his hand. Then he swung the hapless pony facsimile over his head and drove it into the ground. Several times.
Just Duty dropped his hammer on the still recovering Wits End, only to find one joint locked by Wits’ sword jammed into it. “Omae wa mou- Ah, whatever,” Wits said with a grin. “Powers Combined: Lucky Stars + Jan Ken Hufu.” His glowing fist impacted the Shade’s chestplate, collapsing it inwards and sending the sudo-paladin stumbling back. “And for the pièce de résistance,” he said as he snapped his fingers, “Powers Combined: Summon Familiar + Summon Greater Ponnequin.” The Just Duty Shade had just enough time to look up before a giant, wooden, Totoro-esque figure collapsed onto it, sending its smoke blasted across the ground. “I wish I had a catchphrase. Good grief.”
“That… seemed easy,” Sunset Shimmer said as the barrier dissipated. “Should we expect a second form?”
Twilight adjusted her glasses. “It seems that the three villains were specifically designed to counter a specific one of the boys. Did you see how the Holdfast shade was completely overpowered once Purple Heart closed the distance? It’s fighting style would’ve been a perfect match for Wits End’s hit-and-run tactics.”
“Tact-what?” Wits looked up from where he had been trying to get his sword unpinned from under the wooden Totoro.
“Nothing. Carry on.”
“Where you trying to make a thorough and in-depth analysis of our matchups?” Purple Heart asked as he idly whirled Shade Holdfast around and around. “Wait-” he held up his free hand to stop Twilight from answering, “-dumb question. Of course you were.”
“Can you stop spinning that around, please?” Applejack asked. “I think Pinkie’s getting dizzy.” The pink haired girl was indeed looking a little loopy as her eyes followed the spinning shade.
“Looks pretty normal to me,” Rainbow commented. Applejack glared at her and she immediately cowed. “Sorry.”
“Um, I think he’s had enough,” Rarity pointed out. Purple Heart blinked at the still spinning shade and shrugged. His arm made one more rotation and he slammed the shade into the ground one final time.
“Puny chancellor pony,” he grunted. “Don’t touch Sascha.”
“Eugh. What did I miss? I was wiping shade soot off my face.” Light Patch walked up, running his hands through his short hair. “So, think we’re finally clear of the boss rus-”
“Ah, my champion. you look good no matter what,” a voice said, cutting the teen off. Before any of the group could react, spider legs wrapped around him and yanked him around to face a large arachnid-like creature. Which kissed him immediately.