//------------------------------//
// Chapter 25: Central, this is Big Sky, approaching LZ 
// Story: Caverns & Cutie Marks: High School, High Stakes 
// by TheColtTrio 
//------------------------------//

“Welp,” Coltson said, re-entering the van, “it’s gonna take us a while to dig this out of the mud. Looks like this is as far you go in comfort.” 
“Figures the road would have turned to mud just as we were trying to get somewhere,” Sunset muttered.
“Yeah, something tells me it wasn’t an accident.” Side Track replied.
“Normally I wouldn’t agree, but in this case I can’t rule it out,” Coltson said, looking at the group before his smile faded. “I know you won’t, but I don’t suppose I can talk you out of this and letting skilled and trained agents handle this one?”
“Hey, we’ve saved the world at least three times,” Rainbow shot back with an annoyed glare.
“That still probably only makes it a twenty-to-one ratio between us,” Coltson replied smugly. “But I’ll take that as a no. So, I hope you’re all careful,” he said to the group as they filed out of the van and started down the dirt road through the city. “Oh wait, I almost forgot something,” he called out to the teens. “Hey, you three,” he said, pointing at the boys. “I couldn’t help but notice you three in specific seemed to be a little...” He wavered, trying to find a way to put his next words softly. “...underpowered, as it were.”
Wits pursed his lips. “I resemble that remark.”
“Eh, if anything we can just use the ‘Get Help’ play.” Purple Heart waved a hand dismissively, though he still bristled at the comment. Light Patch bristled as well for a second, before quietly sighing in resignation.
“Heh, yeah. Well still, I hate the idea of just sending ki- I mean, teens out there without trying to prepare you in some way. So, I talked to some of the D.O.S.A. agents and had them pull up some of the more powerful artifacts they’d found from the game world,” he said, opening up the rear doors of the van, and the trunk inside. “Their scanners say this is supposed to be some fairly powerful stuff. I’ll let you three make your own picks,” he said, waving them over towards the metal trunk.
The three teens approached curiously and looked into the trunk; everyone trying to ignore the short victorious tune that played as they first looked into the metal box. As the tune hit its peak and the three teens saw what was in the box, their jaws dropped. There were three items in the box: an armored gauntlet, a large warhammer that barely fit, and an intricate sword.
“*BLEEP* yes.” Light Patch muttered, staring at the warhammer.
Wits stared at Light Patch. “How did you make that sound with your mouth?”
“Forget Light’s censor, we have our weapons back!” Purple Heart crowed, grinning widely as he grabbed the gauntlet and slid it over his right hand.
Light Patch laughed evilly as he nearly effortlessly hefted the hammer over his shoulder, noting the small sparks of electricity as he’d first touched it. “Let's go find some nails.”
“Uh, what was with that laugh?” Sunset asked, glaring at the hammer-wielding teen.
“You liked it? I’ve been practicing my evil villain laughs again,” Light Patch beamed.
“Do we wanna know why you practice them?”
“They’re fun,” he replied with a shrug, causing Sunset to look away with an annoyed look and a muttered agreement.
The sound of metal sliding into place cut off Sunset, who turned back to see Wits holding the unsheathed sword, handle extended into a spear haft. “I was gonna complain about you guys interrupting my ‘weapon-getting moment’,” he said with a spreading grin, “but that was cool enough for me to forget my snarky comment.”
“I don’t know how I feel about you three being armed,” Twilight said, “but I don’t think it’s a positive emotion.”
“If it makes you feel any better,” Coltson offered, “the D.O.S.A. folks found stuff for most of you too.” He gestured towards the items that lined the inside of the van. “Bows, staffs, lassos… A cannon. Don’t know who’d use a cannon as a personal weapon, but I suppose that’s your problem now.”
“Now I’m positive it’s not a positive emotion,” Twilight grumbled.
“I’m sure it’ll be fine,” Wits said, sliding the handle of his blade back into place. “How much damage can a bunch of teens with extravagant weaponry do, anyway?”
The familiar sound of a party cannon going off and shattering glass caused them all to turn. A few yards away, Pinkie stood in front of a broken storefront window, and the ruined displays on the other side. “Sorry! I don’t know how this thing works.”
Coltson turned back to look at Wits. “I know, I know,” Wits muttered, sheathing his sword. “Keep my big mouth shut, don’t tempt fate.”
“I was going to ask if you three know how to use those things,” Coltson corrected, “but at this point I’m thinking I should just give up on asking about coincidences altogether.” 
“If you’re really so curious, we can tell you, y’know,” Purple Heart said, not looking up from his recently-acquired gauntlet. “These just so happened to be our weapons in the game world. Light’s war hammer, Wits’ stord, and my gauntlet. I’d demonstrate it’s abilities, but we’re unfortunately still in the city.”
“Unfortunately?” Applejack echoed.
Purple Heart winced. “Let’s just say that the last time I let loose with this thing, I re-routed a river. And a village. And did a fair bit of deforestation.”
“Let’s save the demonstration when when there’s something to demonstrate on,” Sunset said. She turned back to Coltson. “And you’re sure the others will be safe?”
Coltson nodded. “Side Track, Miss Pie, and the other Mister End will be safe back at base. If you need them or they need you, you can use the radio.” He gestured to the walkie-talkie-style radio clipped to Sunset’s belt. “Of course, if all goes well, we won’t hear from you until everything’s back to normal again.”
“Great.” Sunset turned to the three boys. “What’d you say? Once more unto the breach?”
“Certainty of death,” Wits mused. “Small chance of success… What’re we waiting for?”
“SPOOOOOOOON!” Light Patch shouted, charging down the road before tripping and face-planting into the mud.
Purple Heart gave a snorting laugh and hauled Light back to his feet by his shirt collar. “Since Light has already used the long-vowel movement battlecry, I’ll just settle for here… we… go.”


* * *


“You know,” Rainbow Dash whined as the group made their way through the mostly deserted town, “when you guys said we were gonna be doing RPG-style fights, I kinda expected some… ya’know… fighting?”
“Easy, girl,” Applejack replied. “From what we’ve heard, the fightin’ will be comin’ soon enough.”
“Or not at all,” Fluttershy muttered. “I mean, we can hope, right?”
“You guys have more experience with this,” Sunset said, turning back to the three boys. “What can we expect? Changelings? Wendigos? Princess Twilight’s judging stare?”
“Bandits,” Light Patch threw out immediately. “A whole lot of bandits. Also, there was this one time I worked with my villain to take down a Trapeze Death Barnacle and accidently may have unleashed a hidden army of undead.”
“I had to fight off a bunch of gladiators in the coliseum,” Purple Heart added. “We may also face armoroids. Honestly, the small-time mooks were forgettable. Nothing for us to worry about.”
Sunset arched a skeptical eyebrow at the purple teen, looking over her shoulder to see matching looks of disbelief on her friends’ faces.
“He’s right, you know,” Wits said. “The only things that were really a threat were the bosses. Even then, we’ve got a lot more people in our party than any time we fought them, and we’re at a high level. The only way they’d be a threat is if they came at us all at once.”
“Why would they do that?” Twilight asked, ignorant of Sunset’s frantic motions not to ask.
Wits shrugged, equally ignorant. “I dunno, some sort of boss rush or something?”
“WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?” Sunset exclaimed. As if on cue, a faint grid formed around them, with a familiar list of names appearing near the entrance of one of the nearby streets. “WHY? WHY WOULD YOU EVEN SAY THA-”
The sound of pavement cracking interrupted her tirade. The group turned to see the mangled, flickering pieces of the list of names scattered about. As they faded from existence, the cause became apparent: a massive greathammer with verdant green flames licking at its head, wielded by an equally large pony in black, flaming armor.
Wits End opened his mouth, but wilted under the glare Sunset shot at him. “Points for dramatic entrance?”
Sunset opened her mouth to snap at the mint colored teen only to be interrupted by a squawk from Purple Heart.
“Fudge bollocks!” the large teen swore, his body stiffening in fear. “Not good!”
“Not good indeed,” Grim Hammer intoned, his deep voice rumbling forth from beneath his helm. “I would say it was an honor to see you again, Purple Barbarian, but last we met we did not leave on the best of terms.”
“W-what does he mean by that?” Fluttershy asked, peeking from behind Applejack.
“Last time I faced him, I blew his mane out,” Purple Heart replied.
“Oh. So nothing too bad, eh?” Rainbow Dash inquired.
“Then he stomped on me. Quiet literally.”
“...Oh.”
Light Patch stepped up beside Purple Heart, holding his hammer ready for battle. “This time, Purple’s gonna have a little help,”
“Yeah, you might find it easy to take us out one-on-one,” Rainbow Dash cockily chimed in.
“But I suspect even you’ll have an issue with all of us,” Applejack continued, prepping her rope.
“So be it. Perhaps this time, the battle shall be more interesting than a one sided brawl,” Grim Hammer replied, stepping off the sidewalk and towards the middle of the road. “There shall definitely be more fighters involved.”
“Indeed!” A stallion clad in chain and plate armor, smaller than the hulking fighter, stepped up beside Grim Hammer, sword and greatshield at the ready. The eyeslit of his helmet shone with golden light, illuminating the area around him. “Never shall it be said that Wayward Sun stands down against a valiant foe!” Sparks of yellow lightning danced across Wayward’s armor as he shifted into a battle stance.
Wits blinked, and turned back to Light Patch and Purple Heart. “Didn’t you say you beat this guy in one hit?”
“That was Pinkie,” Purple Heart said. “She One Deag’d him.”
“I did?” Pinkie asked.
“Other Pinkie.”
“Aha.”
“Are these two minibosses?” Twilight asked.
“Grim Hammer was one of my gladiator fights and he completely demolished me,” Purple Heart explained. “Wayward Sun was… less than satisfactory.”
Rainbow Dash grinned. “So between the two of them, we’ve got one normal miniboss, right?”
“That’s not how that math works at a-” Twilight was cut off by Rainbow Dash’s… well, dash into combat, aiming a kick at Grim Hammer’s helmet. The massive hammer snapped up into the girl’s path. When foot met hammer, a gong-like sound echoed along the street.
“This is the game; logic was left behind when we were kidnapped by a god of chaos and forced to play tabletop RPGs,” Light Patch replied as he moved past Twilight to take his own swing at Grim Hammer.
“He ain’t exactly wrong, sugarcube,” Applejack replied with a shrug.
“That just makes it worse,” Twilight groused back.
“Fight now, chat later,” Purple Heart ordered, blitzing over to Grim Hammer with one arm pulled back. He struck Grim Hammer’s helm and met with... no resistance. The helmet pinged away and Purple Heart whirled like a top, falling on his side in confusion. “Whuh?”
“AUGH!” Pinkie screamed, pointing at Grim Hammer’s headless body. “What happened to your body?!”
Grim Hammer sighed, the sound echoing in his torso as he swung at a startled Rainbow Dash, forcing the girl to retreat. In the brief respite, he trotted over to his helm and replaced it on his armor, giving it a sharp rap to reignite the flames.
“Aaaah,” he sighed. “Much better.”
“Piss bollocks,” Purple Heart swore.
“Would you stop swearing please?!” Rarity snapped, covering Fluttershy’s ears.
“The last thing we need is for her to pass out or freeze up!” Sunset shouted as she blocked Wayward Sun’s blows with her demon claws.
“Keep thy eyes on your foe, young one!” Wayward called, forcing her back with a swing of his sword. He slammed his shield on the ground, lightning arcing from every metal surface nearby before a bolt fired straight up. “You never know what they may do.”
“At least his aim is awful,” Rarity started to say, only to be interrupted by a half-dozen identical lightning bolts slamming into the road around them, leaving sizable craters where they landed. “Is everyone alright?”
Wits looked up from his place on the ground, having leapt away from a lamp post that had been hit by lightning and burst into metal pieces. “Outside is not a good place to be right now!” he squeaked. “Bad things, not good!”
“Then we need ta get inside!” Applejack decided, ducking behind a dustbin.
“I dunno about you, but I don’t think being inside one of these buildings will be too helpful,” Rainbow called.
“Would a warehouse work?” Fluttershy asked.
“We’d be awfully close together,” Rarity commented.
“But at least we’d have cover,” Sunset pointed out.
“ARE WE GONNA HIDE OR NOT?!” the three boys snapped, fending off both Grim Hammer and Wayward Sun while the girls chatted.
Pinkie inspected the state of the battle, thought for a moment, and then nodded. “Run away!” she screamed, firing off her party cannon to create a screen of smoke and brightly colored paper bits. “Run away!”
The ten teens took off down the street in the opposite direction of the two stunned armored ponies. “Where are we going?” Rainbow shouted.
“How should I know?” Pinkie screamed back. “I just got us out of there!”
“Someplace with a roof!” Wits called from his place towards the back. “We’ve gotta minimize Wayward’s lightning, otherwise we’re gonna get Back to the Future’d!”
“I know a place,” Twilight huffed. “There’s a warehouse… where I did a lot… of my early experiments! Make a left!”
The group scrambled down the side-street just as another volley of lightning bolts rained on the intersection. The road ended with a large warehouse covered in patches of salvaged metal. The large metal door was partially ajar, and scrawled with the letters “CMC” in white spray paint.
“How convenient,” Wits mused as the teens pelted towards the cover.
“Save your snark for when we’re not getting attacked!” Sunset snapped back, ushering everyone inside. Once the stragglers—Wits and Twilight, to be specific—made it inside, she slammed the door shut with a feat of demonically-enhanced strength. “There, that’ll buy us some time.”
A large, hammerhead-shaped dent appeared in the door next to where she was standing; a few licks of green flame visible between the gaps.
“Please never say that again,” Rarity groaned.
“Do we have everyone?” Twilight asked, scanning the group. A chorus of yes’ echoed through the empty warehouse. Nodding her head in satisfaction, Twilight led the group away from the door, wincing as a shock of static buzzed through the thick steel. “Okay, planning time. How did you beat Grim Hammer and Wayward Sun in the game?”
“We didn’t,” Purple Heart said.
The girls blinked.
“You mean you personally?” Rarity clarified.
“Well, for Wayward Sun, yes,” Light admitted. “Pinkie just kind of blew him away with her party cannon.”
“No, I didn’t,” Pinkie denied. “Oh… You mean pony me. Gotcha”
“So the party cannon does bonus damage to Wayward Sun?” Twilight asked.
“More like Discord wanted to speed things along,” Wits said. “He must have debuffed Wayward so much even Spike could have beaten him. Granted, he probably wanted to get them to rescue me so the game could end before-”
“So you got lucky,” Sunset stated.
“Eeyup,” the boys chorused.
“Great. And if I remember correctly, you didn’t actually beat Grim Hammer,” Sunset recalled, arching an eyebrow at Purple Heart. The purple teen raised his hands in a defensive gesture.
“Hold on,” he said, “I did actually beat Grim Hammer. Just not when it mattered. The bellend kept reviving himself. I got him three times before he upped the steroid intake and let Bael take over.”
The girls just stared at the three boys.
“So accordin’ ta you, we gotta get a lucky shot on Wayward and just keep batterin’ away at Grim Hammer til something breaks off,” Applejack stated.
“Uh huh.”
“Yeh.”
“Seems so.”
“...What plan did you have, Twi?”
Twilight shrugged. “I was sort of depending on there being a known way to beat these two. The good news is that they don’t seem to be fighting together so much as fighting at the same time seperately. As long as someone can keep Grim Hammer occupied, the rest of us should be able to take down Wayward Sun just by keeping him from using his lightning.”
“Sounds like a plan to me,” Rainbow Dash said. “Just one question.”
Another hammer-shaped dent appeared in the door, this one larger than the last. “Make it fast,” Applejack said.
Rainbow Dash turned to the three boys. “You said Grim Hammer was fighting you, right?” she asked Purple Heart.
“Sure,” the purple teen said. “For certain definitions of fight…”
Rainbow turned to Wits End. “And you said Wayward Sun was guarding you?”
“Not my finest moment,” Wits grumbled.
Finally, Rainbow Dash turned to Light Patch. “So where’s the guy you fought in all of this?”
Light Patch opened his mouth to say he ‘didn’t really have a fight with anything like the other two did’ when a deep growl echoed through the warehouse, cutting him off. His eyes shot open with recognition, and he spun around just in time to see a large creature smash through a stack of crates as it swung down from the ceiling. Its two, purple, bloodshot eyes opened and immediately locked onto the grey teen; one tracking him while the other glanced between the other nine.
“Right there,” Light Patch said through grit teeth. He readied his hammer as the creature unfolded its long misshapen arms and grabbed onto the heavily dented door. It growled, locking both eyes on Light Patch again.
Fluttershy swallowed. “Oh my.”
Applejack looked at the girl’s bright red face. “What?”
“You don’t want to know what it just said to Light Patch,” the shy teen stammered, and then squeaked as the beast ripped the door from the wall, half-throwing, half-sliding it towards the group and forcing them to scatter. Grim Hammer and Wayward Sun stepped through the opening and raised their weapons in open challenge.
“Now, where were we?” Grim Hammer asked.
“Your unconditional surrender?” Wits squeaked.
“Negotiations?” Purple Heart offered. 
Light Patch screamed as he ran past the group, the Crypt Pendulum chasing after him.
Grim Hammer gave a snort that intensified his flames briefly. Wayward Sun summoned a number of lightning bolts.
“The time for parley has passed for thee,” Wayward intoned. “Although, tis a great shame that fate has conspired to force the death of promiscuous maidens such as these.”
The girls in the group stiffened and glared at the white-armored pony, instantly picking their target.
“You two will be fine taking on Grim Hammer,” Rarity ordered, cracking her knuckles ominously. “This crime against fashion is due for an early demise.” Purple and Wits just watched as the seven girls converged on Wayward Sun, backing him into a corner of the warehouse. This brief interlude was promptly interrupted by Grim Hammer dashing towards them, hammer raised.
“Come, Purple Barbarian and Minty Attorney! Show me what you’re made of!” the enchanted armor demanded.
“I don’t wanna!” Wits replied, dodge-rolling out of the way of the charging armor. “What I’m made of is on the inside of my squishy, vulnerable meat-parts!”
“No time for witticisms! Fight the thing!” Purple Heart cried, juking away from a hammer strike and following with a punch. Grim Hammer merely sidestepped the punch and kicked a leg into the purple teen’s stomach, sending the unfortunate boy into a stack of crates. Wits danced around behind Grim and stabbed for a joint in the armored pony’s back leg. The strike landed and stuck firm. Grim Hammer looked over his shoulder at the offending blade and jumped away, Wits flapping haplessly along behind him.
“Just let go of the sword!” Light cried, running past the duo with the Pendulum still in hot pursuit.
“Its my stord!” Wits wailed. “Mine! My own! My-”
Wits slammed into another stack of crates and immediately went quiet, his face muffled by stuffed animals. Grim Hammer stood nearby, wincing as he attempted to unsuccessfully pull the blade from his flank. After several sharp tugs with no progress, the armored pony sighed.
“Merely a nuisance to be dealt with later,” he decided. Then he was sent flying by Purple Heart’s punch. A loud series of crashes sounded throughout the warehouse as Grim Hammer flew through a truly staggering amount of crates.
“Hey! Watch it!” Rainbow snapped as she soared past after a fleeing Wayward Sun. Purple watched silently as the other girls stampeded off in pursuit, followed promptly by Light and the Pendulum. Purple Heart snorted and turned to drag Wits out of the stuffed animals.
“All this needs now is a Benny Hill theme,” the purple teen commented.
Grim Hammer pulled himself erect and turned to face Purple Heart. “You will not find your second hit as easily scor-” He was interrupted as Light Patch ran past him, lightly smacking him in the face with his palm as he passed. 
The flaming warrior quickly moved to attack the rapidly retreating form, but before he could even finish readying his swing, the Crypt Pendulum battered its way past the armored giant, using its arms to drag its body after its target.	With a low gurgle, it spat acid towards the teen, who launched himself into the air with a hammer strike against the ground. Light Patch twisted around to strike the Crypt Pendulum, but found himself not quite fast enough, and instead being the one struck by the Pendulum’s body and thrown into the far wall.
Fluttershy helped him right himself before they both turned to use their healing abilities on the wounded Rainbow nearby. “Are you managing okay?” Fluttershy asked.
“I’m not dying,” Light Patch whispered, staying below the line of crates the three were behind. “But it remembers how Just Duty and I beat it last time. It’s being a lot more careful and in control of its momentum.”
“Can you surprise it?” Rainbow asked, using her bow to take a quick shot at Wayward.
“I’ve been trying, but it locks an eye on me as much as it can. When I do manage to break its line of sight, it immediately pulls itself close to the roof and watches for me,” Light Patch quietly said, pointing at where the beast was slowly moving itself around the roof of the warehouse’s ceiling, both eyes constantly flicking between the various sources of movement happening below it.
“Why are you whispering?” Fluttershy asked.
“Oh yeah, it hears with its eyes.”
“How?” Fluttershy prompted, looking up at the creature surprised.
“Surprisingly well,” the teen responded, looking up just as the beast finally heard him, the two locking eyes before Light Patch immediately scattered.
“Augh!” Fluttershy’s attention was drawn back to their own fight by a cry of pain, or surprise, from Wayward Sun. Rarity, who had abandoned the needles she’d gotten as a weapon from Coltson, had taken to bashing the armored knight with a mannequin she’d found in the warehouse. “Ah! Cease, my lady! Cease, I say!”
“My lady this!” Rarity swung for the fences, slamming the mannequin against Wayward’s helmet with enough force to send the mannequin’s head spiralling away. “It’s bad enough dealing with boys like you at school, but at least you are a White Knight I can deal with properly!” Her next swing ran into Wayward’s shield, splintering the mannequin into pieces and leaving her holding two lower legs. “Uh oh.”
“Incomin’!” Applejack tossed a barrel at Wayward Sun, knocking him away from the fashionista. She looked down at the lasso attached to her belt and tisked. “Who in th’ hay thought these things were practical for fightin’?” she asked, hefting another barrel.
“I guess the RPG logic hasn’t taken full effect,” Twilight said. “In Caverns and Cutie Marks, these are all standard weapons, but here they’re kinda…” She tossed a flask at Wayward, tangling his shield against the ground in a mass of Tangleweed. “Underwhelming?”
Sunset stepped up, launching a fireball at Wayward Sun’s sword. The blade twisted and melted into a useless hunk of steel in moments. “Let’s just get this over with before those boys get themselves killed,” she growled, cracking the knuckles on both fists as she approached the now unarmed knight.
Wayward Sun looked around at the 7 girls surrounding him. “I… don’t suppose we could call this your victory at first blood, perhaps?”
A short distance away, Wits End had just extracted himself from the crate of stuffed animals. “Right, hopefully no-one saw that,” he mumbled to himself, dusting himself off just in time to get hit in the chest by a flying mannequin head. “Ow! Yorick, you di-” He cut himself off as he spotted the ongoing fight between Purple Heart and Grim Hammer. “Hey,” he called, holding up the piece of mannequin, “need a head’s up?”
Purple Heart balked long enough to glance over and recognize the pun. “Haha, fun-” Grim Hammer struck him in the side and sent the teen tumbling to the concrete. Grunting in pain, Purple Heart rolled back to his feet and glared, eyes flashing.
“Okay, that’s it,” he snarled tersely, clenching his gantlet covered hand. “Whoever owns this warehouse is gonna need to rebuild.” He charged forward, dodged the overhead swing from Grim’s hammer and cocked his fist back.
“BUGGER OFF!” the purple teen roared, torquing his core and shoulders to unleash a wallop of a punch into Grim Hammer’s midriff. Grim’s eyes widened as his armor shattered, revealing his gray coat for a split second before he disappeared; along with a quarter of the warehouse’s wall and ceiling.
Wits End stared at the space where Grim Hammer had been, then up at the hole in the warehouse, then down at the mannequin head, turning the head so that the face was looking back at him. “So…” he said slowly, “that’s a no on the needing help thing?” After a moment, he tossed the head over his shoulder. “Good to know I’m just as useful as ever…”
“Maybe, maybe not,” Light Patch whispered from behind Wits End.
“Gah!” Wits spun around, holding his hands up in some semblance of a fighting pose. “Don’t DO that!” He paused for a moment. “Also, where’s the swinging whatsit?”
“Listening for me above. It’s only the noise of the girls pulping Wayward that I can still get away with this,” Light Patch whispered, pointing towards the ceiling where, again, the Crypt Pendulum was agitatedly swinging back and forth, its eyes darting around. “It’s being way too guarded and controlling of itself around me, and I doubt it’ll let us just pummel it.”
“Not that I could,” Wits grumbled. “Purple Heart just launched my sword into space with Hades from Hercules. Plus, if it’s focused on you-” He stopped, looked up at the Crypt Pendulum, and then back to Light Patch. “I have a terrible idea. If I give you an opening, can you take it out in one shot?” 
Purple Heart sidled over. “I can do it in one pun-”
“Shut up. Go find my sword, ya overpowered git.”
“Mooou… okay.”
“Yeah, I think I can go for it,” Light Patch whispered before being forced to move as the Crypt Pendulum moved closer.
Wits waited a moment for Light Patch to get some distance, and took a deep breath. “This is really gonna suck,” he muttered, focusing his attention inward. Since Purple Heart had regained the strength he had from Discord’s game world, it made sense that the rest of them would have as well. “Alter Self,” he muttered, his skin turning grey.
A few seconds later, a very concerned, resigned, and unarmed Light Patch ran out in front of the Crypt Pendulum, waving his arms and stomping his feet. “Hey, you big ugly uvula! Look at me! I’m a distraction!”
A single eye twitched in the direction of the shouts and then suddenly, with a speed and grace that seemed unnatural for the creature, it whipped around to face the unarmed Light Patch. Both eyes locked on to the grey teen, eyeing him cautiously as it took in the unarmed nature. One eye twitched to find the handle of an abandoned hammer sticking out from a pile of crushed brick and wood, well out of reach even at a sprint. The creature pulled itself towards the ceiling, acid dribbling out of its mouth in anticipation.
With a roar that shook the warehouse, it launched its gumdrop shaped body at the teen, its entire bottom opening in a massive maw full of sharp, bent needle like teeth. Its anchor tentacles let go of the ceiling beams as it committed itself to this final attack to sate its revenge.
A second shout rang through the warehouse, and a single eye twisted to face the source. The beast was confused as it saw a second Light Patch launch himself at it from behind a wall of crates. Realizing in an instant it had fallen for some kind of trap again, it lashed out with its arms and tentacles, trying to recover from its full commitment to its attack. Too late, however, as with a flash of lighting and a peal of thunder, Light Patch’s hammer struck true and launched the beast upward, crashing through the roof of the warehouse where it flew in an arc, before coming back down in the street. Bereft of anything tall enough to catch itself, it splattered on the ground.
“Cleanup on aisle 3” Light Patch said from pile of stuffed animals he’d landed in.
The other Light Patch relaxed, transforming back into Wits End and collapsing onto the ground. “I’m dead,” he said from his place on the floor. “I survived, but I’m dead.”
“At least your not all dead,” Light Patch said, trying to extract himself from the pile of stuffed animals. Overbalancing the pile, it toppled over and he fell to the ground where the word ‘Critical Hit’ appeared over his head. “Are you kidding me!” the teen shouted from where he laid, just before a small jingle played and a puff of confetti showered him at the same time as a familiar punch card appeared in his hand. “And, of course, I finished the Self Crit punch card now.”
“Perfect timing,” Sunset Shimmer said, walking over to the two prone boys. “Wayward Sun’s taking a little nap,” the sound of something metal banging against a great helm echoed in what was left of the warehouse, “so I’d say we’ve got this battle taken care of. You guys ready to get back to saving the world?”
Wits sat up. “Depends. Purp, did you find my sword you sent to the I.S.S.?”
“Eeyup,” the purple teen replied as he walked over, waving a crate over his head. Embedded in the wood was Wits’ sword.
Wits blinked and held out a hand for his weapon. “Can I have it back please?” he asked.
“Ooooh, he said please,” Pinkie whispered.
Purple Heart stood at his full height, tucking the stabbed crate under his arm as he rested his free hand on his hip. “Only the short ankle biter can pull the Sword from the Crate.” He hefted the crate into both hands again and proffered the crated sword to Wits. “Your Shortness.”
Wits glared up at the purple teen. “You’re lucky you’re still useful,” he growled as he attempted to tug the sword out of the wooden box. “Talk amongst yourselves, I’ll be ready in a minute.”
Sunset rolled her eyes and turned away. “Let’s get going. We still have a Hydra to stop.”
“I said I’ll need a minute!”