//------------------------------//
// Chapter 24: Agents of What Now? 
// Story: Caverns & Cutie Marks: High School, High Stakes 
// by TheColtTrio 
//------------------------------//

Agent Coltson quietly took a place next to the agent watching through the window at the interrogation on the other side. “How's it going?” he asked.
“Well, he had a promising start. He tried to avoid Agent Prancard’s questions and give the least useful answers as he could,” Agent Poenig began. “Like you figured though, he caved quickly and started saying everything...” The agent let his words trail off.
“I’m sensing a but here,” Coltson replied.
“He kind of got side tracked. Just listen,” the slightly rotund agent replied, leaning forward to flick a switch on the wall under the window.
“It was at that point that my comrades and I had our hands forced and we had no choice but to activate the Gamma-fourteen device,” spoke Light Patch’s voice through the speaker system.
“I thought you said it was named Gamma-thirteen?” Agent Prancard asked, looking up from the rapidly growing sheaf of notes.
“Ah. Yes. Right, sorry. I’d forgotten to mention we’d further refined the device. Anyway, we activated the device but the enemy, in an attempt to stop us, fired it and damaged the machine, throwing us through time, space, and the borders between, landing us on the outside of a small rural village wheatfield,” Light Patch said, waving his arms about to help tell his story.
“Did your Zorgs come through the rift as well?” Prancard asked.
“No. They were left behind. We can only hope that their spirit animals took control and got them to safety,” Light Patch continued.
“One can only hope,” Prancard replied, looking over his notes, “Do you mind if we go back to the battle? I’m a little confused about how you said that robots taller than the city’s tallest skyscrapers were able to ambush you in the city?”
	“Ah. Right. Well, as I’d said we were fightin-” Light Patch’s voice was cut off, leaving only his seemingly wildly flailing arms the only sign of the fantastical story being told on the other side of the window.
Coltson looked thoughtfully at the notes rapidly being scrawled out by the agent in the room. “Probably shouldn’t have put someone from the D.O.S.A. department in charge of interviews,” he finally said.
“Yeah, that might have been a small oversight. On the flipside though, we could probably sell the story to some video game or children’s tv studio,” Poenig replied, looking at Coltson.
“Yes, I’m sure he’s not related to my niece. If it was her, there'd be more aliens involved,” Coltson replied, still watching the wobbling stack of notes. “How many times has he stopped to ask for more paper and pencils?”
“None,” Poenig replied. “The bag is Agent Prancard’s. He just reaches in and pulls more out.”
“Right. Well, let me know when they’re done writing the next series of Power Scouts, I’m gonna go check in on the other interrogations,” Coltson said, turning to leave.
“You got it boss,” Poenig said, picking up a nearby bag of popcorn before turning the mic back on as Coltson left the room.


* * *


Coltson flipped idly through the pages of the portfolio already compiled by his staff as he walked over to the next interrogation chamber. His eyebrows rose every so often as he read.
“Interesting,” he hummed, opening the door to the observation room. He closed the portfolio and folded his arms as he stepped next to the agent in charge. “Any progress?”
“What kind?” Agent Poenig returned, flipping off the mics. Coltson frowned.
“What do you mean what kind?”
Poenig nodded at the one way window. “In terms of getting reliable intel, we’ve got no progress at all,” he elaborated. A crash sounded from the interrogation room, audible despite the mic silence. “In terms of progress regarding Warden’s temper, we’re getting somewhere.”
Coltson’s frown deepened. “He knows that the subject is a civilian, right?”
“Oh, he knows,” Poenig assured. “But the kid’s just pushing his buttons.”
“How?”
Poenig didn’t answer and simply turned the mics back on.
“-what do you think stops me from pulling your spleen out of your nose?!” came Warden’s crackling growl.
“Probably the fact that I’m a minor and beating me up will be seen as abuse,” Purple Heart replied nonchalantly. The teen scooched his chair back, stood, moved over to an open piece of carpet and promptly laid down on his back. “Oh, do you mind if I take a nap here? I’m a touch drowsy.”
Warden gritted his teeth and glared at Purple Heart. “Could I ask you some questions about recent events here in Canterlot?”
“I mean, you just did. But if you have more, I’ll try to answer them,” Purple Heart sighed.
Coltson thought Warden was about to snap, but remarkably, the agent managed to restrain himself.
“Have you noticed anything strange going on around Canterlot recently?”
“Define strange. There’s a lot of strange thing around here. The number of confectionary stores, the ridiculous pastel colors, Pinkie Pie, I could go on.”
Silence.
“...Why don’t you?”
“Too tired.”
Coltson winced, looking at Poenig while Warden decided on his next question. “And he hasn’t given any reliable intel during the half hour he’s been here?”
Poenig shook his head in denial. “Nothing substantial. He did mention a friend named Bael who he reconnected with a few days ago. The way he smirked when he talked about the guy made me think it’s something to look into.”
“I’ll remember that,” Coltson noted, looking back to the glass. It seemed Warden had his next question.
“What can you tell me about your two friends, Light Patch and Wits End?”
“They’re assholes,” was the prompt reply. “But we’re good friends. Most of the time we’re fairly lucid and nondescript. But during the brief spurts of irrationality, the three of us manage to concoct truly terrifying ideas or make horrifically stupid realizations. Mostly at the expense of our brains. Seriously, we do not have good ideas.”
“...What about the girls you know?”
“Fluttershy is cute, Pinkie is annoying, Rainbow is spaztastic, Applejack is suspicious, Rarity is poncy, Twilight is suspicious, Twilight is suspicious, Sunset is scary, Celestia is hot, Luna is waifu-”
Poenig cut the mic again. “He’s been spouting similar stuff for the past half hour, sir,” he sighed. “You may want to move on to the next one.”
Coltson nodded readily. “I think I will.” He patted Poenig on the shoulder and turned to leave. A slam jolted Coltson to a stop and he whirled around to see Purple Heart plastered to the window. The teen shouted, making himself heard despite the mics being off.
“HEY, COLTSON!”
Poenig stared at his SO, eyes wide with surprise as he mouth kept opening and closing silently. Coltson walked back over to Poenig and turned on the mic. “Yes?”
“TAHITI!” Colston blinked.
“It’s a Magical Place,” he said unconsciously as the teen across the glass said it at the exact same time.
Coltson blinked again. Purple Heart gave a shit-eating grin and let out a cackle. Coltson shuddered and quickly left, intent to get as far away from the strange purple kid as quickly as possible. Hopefully the next interrogatee would be more helpful.


* * *


“Let me guess,” Coltson said as he entered the next observation room. “He’s been completely unhelpful, mildly irritating, and occasionally amusing?”
“Oh, he’s been quite helpful, actually,” Poenig, the slightly rotund agent inside said, gesturing to the filled pages in this legal pad.
Coltson raised an eyebrow. “Really? That’s surprising, considering the state his friends have their respective agents.”
Poenig raised a forefinger. “Ah. Let me be more specific then. He’s been quite helpful in helping to give context to those stories you keep telling about your niece.”
“Ah. That sounds more like it.” Coltson gestured to the mint-colored teen on the other side of the two-way mirror, who was alternating between speaking rapidly and nodding in silence when the agent asked a question. “Any trouble? One’s got Agent Warden ready to chew nails and spit molten iron, and the other is working with the D.O.S.A. agent to write a new kid’s TV show.”
“Well…” Poenig flipped back to the beginning of his notes. “There was some tension at the beginning. The subject,” he motioned towards Wits End, “said, and I quote, ‘We both know how this is going to go down. You’re gonna to ask a bunch of questions, and I’m gonna give unhelpful answers. Then I’m gonna ask some questions, and you’re not gonna answer them at all. Neither of us will be happy, and we’ll have wasted several hours.’”
Coltson whistled softly. “Kid’s got a mouth on him.”
“He then said that as long as the agent inside was willing to go along with this, then he was-” Poenig made finger quotes, “-game.”
After a slow nod, Coltson pointed a finger to the other room. “Can we take a listen?” Poenig shrugged and flipped the switch, causing the speakers to come to life in the middle of Wits speaking.
“-which is why it’s really hard to give a straight answer when you ask exactly WHAT the Othersiders are. See, giving them a concrete definition using our limited human language,  which is so built on all words having mutually exclusive opposites, is nearly impossible because as soon as you try to define them as, for example, red, it instantly makes it difficult to also describe them as being blue, because our brains are not wired to comprehend those two statements being true at the same time.”
On the other side of the two-way mirror, Agent Maximillion Smart glanced back at Coltson and Poenig, as if hoping to get a hint as to whether anything the teen had said made any sense. “And what does that have to do with what happened at the Canterlot High building you and your friends were living in earlier today?”
Wits blinked. “Is that what you were asking about? I’d completely forgotten. As for what happened, I haven’t the foggiest idea. Nothing happened while I was there.”
“Do you know what the current state of that building is now?”
“I don’t even know where that building is, to be honest.”
“But you just said-”
“Sorry, did we miss something?” Wits had a look of mock worry on his face.
Agent Smart raised a hand, holding his thumb and forefinger slightly apart. “By that much.”
Wits made a beckoning motion towards the two-way mirror. “Hey, can I get something to drink in here? I can see I’m gonna have to tell this story aaaaaaall from the beginning again, and my throat is feeling mighty parched.”
Coltson leaned over and flicked the switch back, shutting off the speakers. “Has he been like that this whole time?” he asked.
Poening tapped his legal pad, now filled halfway with notes. “This is my third pad.”
Coltson let a sigh hiss out through his teeth. “Well, good luck with that. It’s about time I see if we got something resembling a straight answer out of the girls.” He turned to leave, but stopped at the door. “Agent Poenig?”
“Yes sir?”
You’ve seen the other kid who looks like that one, right?” Coltson gestured towards Wits End.
“Sure, when they were being taken for questioning.”
Coltson nodded. “Got any tips for telling them apart, aside from the hair?”
Poenig thought for a moment, then shook his head. “Sorry, sir. Can’t help there. They look identical to me.”
Coltson blinked slowly. He raised a finger and opened his mouth to respond, but decided against it. The door closed swiftly behind him.


* * *


Coltson sat, half smirking at the three teens sat across from him. They’d been like this for almost five minutes by his reckoning. Each one looked like they wanted to say something but none of them seemed willing to break the silence. All four heads turned to look at the door when it opened letting in three completely identical people each with the file held in their hands.
“Here’s the interview notes, sir,” the first one said, dropping his file followed shortly by the other two.
“Thank you, Agents Poenig,” Coltson replied, picking one of the files and paging through its contents. He repeated the action with the other two folders before stacking them in front of him and looking back at the teens. He smiled softly for a few moments before looking at Light Patch.
“I have to say, that was quite the story you told. Robots, alien invasions, ancient spirits. If I didn’t know better, I’d say you were ripping off a few seasons of Power Scouts,” he said before turning to address Purple Heart.
“And you… well, you’re lucky we didn’t have to scrape you off the walls and ceiling of the interrogation room after pushing all of Warden’s buttons. That in and of itself is impressive. Warden is highly trained and doesn’t break easily. So either you knew what buttons to press or were facetious enough to make him crack.” Coltson eyed the purple teen critically, then turned his gaze on Wits End.
“And finally you. I’ve never seen anyone talk so much without saying a single thing like that before. If you weren’t blocking our investigation, I’d be impressed,” he finished, lapsing back into silence as the three teens looked at each other. He gave them a few minutes and waited until one of them looked ready to respond before cutting them off himself.
“I’m going to give you three one chance: would you like to tell me the real story now?” he asked.
Wits looked at Light Patch and Purple Heart for a moment before he turned back to the Agent. “To be honest, I’m not gonna top the B.S. I spouted back there, so I’m afraid I’m disinclined to acquiesce your request.” He waited a beat. “That means-”
“I know what it means,” Coltson said, cutting him off.
Purple Heart raised a hand. “If we tell the truth, will you give us sushi?”
Colston blinked and his mouth responded before his brain could stop him. “No.”
The purple teen shrugged, his face set in a pout. “What is the truth then.”
Coltson looked at Light Patch with the air of someone waiting to be entertained, “I got nothing,” the grey teen replied, shrugging. “I spent all of my creative juice already.”
After a moment of looking over the three of them, Agent Coltson shook his head, making a tsking sound. “Oh, boys,” he sighed. “And here I thought the youth of today was being raised better.” He reached into a drawer in his desk and pulled out another file, this one slightly thicker than the ones the Poenigs had provided. “Then again, I can’t really speak for the upbringing of you three where you come from, can I?”
He waited for a moment, as if prompting the three teens to speak. When they didn’t, he shrugged and continued. “See, fortunately for you three, your friends told us what was really going on. Their stories even match up, unlike you three.” He chuckled, opening the file to a picture from a security camera showing the group of them fleeing the battle between Just Duty and Holdfast. “I was kind of hoping you boys would want to cooperate without needing to go through this whole ‘liar revealed’ business.” He set the folder on the table and slid it over to the three boys. “So,” Coltson said with a smug smile, “anything to say now, boys?”
“Traitors,” Light Patch muttered, glancing over the picture. “Whatever they said is probably accurate as far as their parts and what they saw,” he said more audibly.
“Bollocks,” Purple Heart swore, his head thumping onto the table. “Of course they make us look like the irresponsible plebeians. Jerks.”
“I wouldn’t speak too badly of them,” Coltson warned, motioning towards the door as the rest of the teens filed in. “After all, it’s thanks to them that you three aren’t sitting in holding cells right now. Extradimensional individuals are enough of a problem without them being extradimensional smartass teenagers.” After a pause, he turned to Sunset. “No offence, miss.”
“None taken,” Sunset replied as she took a seat. “Now, what’s going on?”
Side Track nodded, crossing her arms and leveling her best glare at the older man. “You’ve got a lot of explaining to do, Uncle Phil.”
Wits End held up a hand. “Wait, hang on. Wait just a gosh darn moment!” He pointed a finger at the Agent. “You’re Agent Phil Coltson?”
“That’s what everyone keeps telling me,” Coltson replied with a smile.
“Coltson. Phil Coltso-” Wits’ forehead hit the table with a dull thud. “Now I really wish I’d given a better delivery with that ‘Hydra agent” line…”
“I told you so.”
Purple Heart rolled his head to the side to look at Wits. “You didn’t notice? I had an inkling of what we were dealing with when I got introduced to Gran Warden.”
Coltson frowned, eyeing Purple Heart. “Indeed. What do you know about T.A.H.I.T.I.?”
Purple Heart shrugged. “It’s a magical place.”
“ANYWAYS,” Sunset stressed, rapping the table to get the guys’ attention. “What’s going on?”
“I’m an agent with S.A.D.D.L.E. and you’ve all been brought to one of its facilities to try and figure out what part you all play in what has been happening all over the world,” Coltson said, cutting off the three teens sat across from him. “Parts of our world is getting replaced by another world entirely. One populated by four-legged pony-like creatures. Given Canterlot’s previous experience with strange events,” he leveled a look at Sunset and Twilight for a moment, “it was pretty easy to trace the epicenter of those changes back to this town.”
“The changes are spreading?” Twilight asked.
“And accelerating,” Coltson replied. “I don’t know what you kids did, but in the last 24 hours we’ve gotten more reports of this pony world overwriting ours than ever before.” He steepled his fingers on the table. “Can any of you think of something that might have caused that?”
Slowly, the group’s attention turned towards Purple Heart. The teen shifted unconsciously, realizing that he was now the center of attention.
“Wot?” he asked. “You all think I know?”
“Yeah. Wits End and I dealt with our villains. You and Bael still apparently have some things to finish hammering out,” Light Patch said, sitting up straighter to look over Wits End.
“And do you see anyone else volunteering?” Sunset asked. Purple Heart frowned and crossed his arms.
“Well I didn’t volunteer,” he whined.
“By majority vote, we the people have elected you as the weak link today,” Wits End intoned. “Spill.”
With much grumbling, Purple Heart unfolded his arms and leaned on the table, hands pressed together. He was silent for a few seconds, brow furrowed as he considered his words. “Bael wasn’t as dead as I thought he was when I beat him,” he started.
“He was only MOSTLY DEAD~!” Pinkie cried in realization.
“NOT THE TIME!” Fluttershy snapped. She coughed weakly when she noticed all eyes were on her. “Ehm, sorry, I mean, continue, Purple Heart.”
The purple teen snorted and a corner of his mouth quirked up. “In any case, Bael decided to suffer from ‘Genie Question’ syndrome. Tee-ell-dee-are, he found a loophole in Discord’s command of being an antagonistic force for me. Once he’d felt that those parameters were met, he borked away. Or was it bamf’d… I mean, he did poof away in a cloud of green smoke, but it was more of a ‘whumpf’ sound like artillery fire than actual-”
“Rambling,” the girls, Wits, and Light chorused.
“Ah, yeh. Bael was still around and kicking and had all his stolen power still. So when Discord opened the arch, he decided to audi five-thousand and went through the mirror in Canterlot which led him here.”
“How does that explain the changes of our world?” Coltson pressed.
Purple Heart opened his mouth to reply, hesitated, shut his mouth, opened it again, closed it, then opened it. “Uuuuuuuuuuuuuuh...” Cobalt blue eyes fazed out of focus.
“Well,” Wits said, saving his companion from making a larger fool of himself than usual, “he’s not exactly the only thing to make its way into this world.” He turned to Purple Heart. “Also, are you sure Bael went through the mirror? I’m pretty sure the Hydra didn’t fit through that thing.”
Purple Heart’s eyes snapped back into focus and he blinked at Wits. “Well, yeh. He found a shortcut that didn’t expend his power. Explains why it took so much time for the Hydra to make the shift from game world to this one.”
Coltson jerked and stared hard at the purple teen. “Hydra? As in-”
“No relation,” Wits explained. “Surprisingly enough, we’re talking about a literal Hydra.”
Witstang raised a hand. “It c-came from the same place as B-Bael, and we’re pretty sure it’s trying to recreate the g-game world in this one.”
“It’s been working for a while,” Wits continued, “but if it’s sped up recently, it’s entirely possible that it’s because of something we did.”
“M-might have something to do with getting B-Bael involved,” Witstang followed on.
“And the fact that it wanted to capture Bael it further evidence to that,” Wits concurred.
“Do you have to do that?” Coltson asked.
“Do what?” both Witses asked in unison.
Coltson gestured at the two of them. “That.’
“Any more freaky twin thing from the two of you and I’m joining the Hydral’s team,” Light Patch said, switching his glare between the two.
“But why would it worry about Bael?” Sunset asked.
“Bael was one of the three who kind of ruined everything for it once and it might have been worried Bael would do it again,” Light Patch thought aloud. “Also, we don’t know exactly the order they absconded from the game’s world. So it’s possible that the Hydral might have been worried Bael followed him.”
“Sounds pretty logical. What I’d like to know is why is it terraforming this world in the first place?” Coltson said, leaning forward while shooting a questioning look between the different teens.
“Well, it’s probably safe to say it’s not looking to raise an army and re-invade and conquer it’s old home,” Sunset half heartedly said, with an apologetic smile.
“What if this world doesn’t match it’s habitat in some way?” Fluttershy quietly pondered.
Side Track cleared her throat. “I don’t think it’s thought that far.”
“What else would it do with all those heads?” Coltson asked. “I mean, what evil villain tries to take over the world without a plan?”
“Think about it.” Side Track paused for a moment to formulate her thoughts. “When you turn off a game, that game world doesn’t exist anymore. Now that it’s in our world, it seems like it’s trying to make an exact copy, rather than one with it in charge.” She paused again. “Rather than trying to conquer our world, I think it’s trying to save its own.”
“Since when do you have such a deep insight into the mind of a giant lizard?” Wits asked.
“Well… It did kinda try to make me go after something on main street…”
“What?” Wits asked.
“What?” Witstang echoed.
“What?” Coltson parroted. “Great, now you two have me doing it too. What do you mean it made you do something?!”
“It tried,” Side Track corrected. “It’s like it… put thoughts in my head to direct me towards investigating main street. It didn’t work ‘cause I’ve spent so long evaluating my own thoughts, I could tell something was off.”
Witstang blinked. “And somehow, th-that’s why you sent us into the forest?”
“I picked up something about the forest from it, yeah.” Side Track thought back to that moment. “If I was to guess, I’d say it’s scared that it might fail at this point.”
Coltson sighed. “Well, if it’s scared, that means we have a chance to reverse this. I’d say our agents will take care of it, but I get the strange feeling that you’ll all complain about that.” Light Patch smiled as he leaned over to pat Coltson on the shoulder.
“Good man. Looks like you might just be genre savvy about teen hero flics after all,” the grey skin teen said with a cheeky smile.