//------------------------------//
// Chapter 14: Spahception 
// Story: Caverns & Cutie Marks: High School, High Stakes 
// by TheColtTrio 
//------------------------------//

“You want me to what?”
“Spy,” Rainbow Dash repeated. “I want you to help Rarity and I spy on LPH.”
“...LPH?”
“Local Purple Heart.”
“Aha… Spy?! Why are we spying?!”
“Because we, as in the girls and I, want to know if the Purple Heart here is any different from you.”
“And what brought this line of thinking around?”
“Wits End is different from Witstang, according to Science Twilight.”
“...Is that some kind of Mustang pun-” Purple Heart blinked. “Ooooooh… I get it...”
“According to Sci Twi, Wits End is different from Witstang,” Rarity repeated. “Our thinking is that there are local versions of Light Patch and you as well. If Princess Twilight’s Theory of Parallel Duplication holds true. Considering there’s a version of Princess Twilight on Equestria and a version here.”
“But I’m not from Equestria. Or here in any case. Theory disproved. Moving on. SPY?!”
Rainbow Dash and Rarity shared a look. “You’re really stuck on the spying thing, aren’t you?” Rainbow Dash asked, fixing the purple teen with a deadpan stare.
“Maybe a bit,” he admitted, nodding his head.
“Well then,” Rarity sniffed, “how do you explain your ‘little brother’?” She lifted her hands and mimed air quotes.
Purple Heart lifted a finger and opened his mouth, intent on replying to the fashionista’s mocking question. A second passed and his finger drooped, his jaw clacking shut.
Rarity humphed, tossing her hair with a flounce. “As I thought,” she smirked. Purple Heart sighed, hand falling to his side while his chin dropped to his chest.
“I’m guessing,” he grumbled, voice muffled by his constricted throat, “that you want to utilize my erstwhile siblings’ assistance in this venture of spyifications?”
Rarity shrugged noncommittally. “It wouldn’t hurt to ask,” she said. Purple Heart shifted and rolled his eyes.
“I guess we could get his help,” the purple teen conceded, turning away from the pair. He walked away, heading towards the boys’ shared lodging.
Rarity and Rainbow grinned, subtly bumping fists as they moved to follow him.
The two girls were still grinning from their triumph as they followed Purple Heart up the steps and into the house on the campus. They went by room after room, stopping every time for Purple Heart to give each one a cursory glance before making a sharp sound by sucking air through his teeth and moving on.
“Your… LPH’s brother is here, right?” Rainbow asked.
“He should be,” Purple Heart replied, passing another empty bedroom. “The Cutie Mark Crusaders wanted to clean the place and he was apparently drafted into their group for some inexplicable reason.”
The two girls balked in surprise.
“Scootaloo?” Rainbow asked.
“Sweetie Belle?” Rarity asked.
“And Applebloom,” Purple Heart finished. “They roped Heart Burn into helping them get a badge.”
“What badge?”
Purple Heart mumbled, his answer unintelligible.
“Excuse me? Couldn’t hear that,” Rarity chided. “Would you speak up?”
“Hpin th Hobs,” he mumbled again.
“One more time please?” Rarity prompted.
“Helping the Hobos.”
Rainbow Dash barked a laugh and snorted. Rarity flared her nostrils, arching an eyebrow regally at the purple teen. “Really?” she drawled. “Interesting...” Purple Heart winced, looking over his shoulder at the girl.
“I’m scared now.”
Further conversation was interrupted by a young voice piping up from the room they’d stopped outside of. “Yo, onii-chan!” The trio turned around, looking into the room. The Cutie Mark Crusaders plus one were all seated around a table, cards both in their hands and in front of them. Purple Heart managed to find his voice first.
“What are you four doing?” he asked, rubbing at his eyes.
Heart Burn grinned. “Playing strip poker,” he chirped. Responses were immediate.
“WE ARE NOT!” chorused the Cutie Mark Crusaders.
“WHAT?!” cried Rarity and Rainbow Dash.
CHOP. “ITAI!”
“Bakayaro!” Purple Heart snapped, lifting his smoking hand from Heart Burn’s head. The girls all balked, staring at the brothers.
“That hurt, onii-chan!” Heart Burn whined, tears running down his face as he craned his head back to look up at Purple Heart.
“You deserved it for saying that in front of these ladies,” the purple teen snarled. “Apologize.” He grabbed the younger boy by the head and pulled him to stand before the girls.
“ACK!” Heart Burn squawked. He scrambled to follow Purple Heart’s leading hand.
“Bow!” Purple Heart ordered, bending himself as well while he put pressure on the back of Heart Burn’s Head. “Apologize!”
“Sumimasen deshita!”
“In English!”
“Please forgive my uncouth words!”
Rarity and Rainbow Dash shared a silent look and shrugged.
“You’re forgiven,” Sweetie Belle said. Eyes twitching at the young girl’s quick forgiveness, Rainbow and Rarity looked meaningfully at Purple Heart. The purple teen raised his head, meeting their combined gaze. A shudder racked his frame and elected to look everywhere but at his brother. Heart Burn’s brow furrowed, feeling the shuddering through Purple Heart’s hand. He glanced aside at the older teen.
“What’s with you?” he asked, wriggling out of Purple Heart’s grasp.
“Um...” The purple teen waffled, shaking his hands at his sides and still not looking at Heart Burn. “We were wondering… I mean, they were wondering-” he waved a hand at Rarity and Rainbow, “if they could talk to mom about… uh… what I mean is Rainbow and Rarity were wondering if...” He trailed off, looking beseechingly at the two teenage girls. “Ehm...”
Rarity sighed, rolling her eyes. “Heart Burn dear, we were wondering if we could talk to your mother about watching Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Applebloom on the weekends during school. You see, we’re all part of the committee running this year’s... event, and with our parents out of town, there’s no one to keep an eye on our siblings. Seeing as you’re a friend of theirs, we were hoping you’d be able to keep them company while we prepare for the event.”
Heart Burn scrutinized the pair, ignoring the cries of indignation from the Crusaders.
“Nah.”
“...Excuse me?”
“Onii-chan knows where home is,” Heart Burn elaborated, walking away from a severely confused Purple Heart. “He doesn’t need my permission to bring girls into our house. Though, I do think that mom should know before you waltz up the steps.”
Rainbow and Rarity flushed, throwing a glance Purple Heart’s way to see that he too was sporting a dull shade of crimson. Heart Burn took the silence as permission to continue.
“I’m almost certain you’ve forgotten your phone. So you can borrow mine to notify mom of your scheme,” Heart Burn continued, pulling his phone from a pant leg pocket. He tapped the mobile device against his chin, a thoughtful frown creasing his brow. “Now that I think about it, she’ll be pleased that you’re bringing over someone who isn’t a huge nerd or sports person. Diversity and all that tosh, eh?” He grinned at Purple Heart when the elder teen snatched the phone from his grasp.
“Little turdblossom,” swore the purple teen under his breath as he scrolled through the contacts list. After finding the right contact, he noted the address attached to it, phoned the number, and held the phone to his ear, waiting as it rung. On the third tone, the call was answered.
“Heart Burn?” came a voice. “Are you okay? You only call when there’s an emergency!”
Purple Heart blinked. Oh yeh, this is Heart Burn’s phone, not mine, he thought. Or Local Heart’s… confusing...
“Ehm, no emergency,” he assured. “And this is Purple Heart.”
“And why aren’t you using your own phone?” she snapped.
“I may have run out of battery.”
“...Really...”
“Yeh, I left an app running and it ate all my battery charge up. I just wanted to let you know that I’m bringing some friends over. They wanted some help with their homework and I offered to assist.”
“...Really…”
Crap, guess I’m not academically inclined here, Purple Heart cursed mentally.
“Well, I’m fine with your friends coming over. Make sure to remember to do your chore for today.”
“Yeh, Love you.” Shit! That slipped out! “Bye.”
“...Love you too.”
The call ended and Purple Heart’s hand dropped to his side. A frown marred his face. He returned the phone to Heart Burn. The younger teen accepted the phone without comment, much to Purple Heart’s surprise. His frown lifted long enough for him to arch a questioning eyebrow at the teen. Heart Burn, for once, looked contrite and a tad sad. The frown returned to Purple Heart’s face and he turned away.
“Let’s go,” he said stiffly, gesturing to Rarity and Rainbow Dash. “She’s expecting us.” The two girls watched him walk out, noting the stiffness in his shoulders and the frown on his face. They quickly bid goodbye to their siblings, gave Heart Burn a piercing look, then ran after Purple Heart. When they caught up with him on the sidewalk, he didn’t waste a moment.
“There’s already a difference between Local Heart and myself,” he started. “His mom seemed surprised when she answered the phone and immediately asked if anything was wrong.”
“So Local Heart doesn’t make frequent calls,” Rainbow said. “And you do?”
Purple Heart shook his head. “That’s not too concerning,” he denied. “What concerns me is what his mom said when I accidentally said ‘love you’.”
“So?” Rarity asked. “What’s so concerning about that?”
“She didn’t immediately respond,” he replied. “I don’t think Local Heart is as close to his mom as I’m close to mine...” He trailed off, eyes locked on his path. Rarity and Rainbow shared a look behind the purple youth and fell silent as the trio walked on.
“I really hope that Local Heart isn’t a jerk,” Purple Heart mumbled finally. The two girls remained silent. They continued walking as such for several blocks until Rainbow finally sighed.
“You do know where we’re going, right?” she asked.
“Home address attached to his mom’s number on Heart Burn’s phone,” Purple Heart said. “They actually live pretty close to Canterlot High.”
“That’s… a remarkable and convenient coincidence,” Rarity drawled.
Purple Heart shrugged. “Hey, you don’t have to worry about me wrecking your car getting there.” The girls grimaced.
“True,” they chorused.
It took them only several more blocks to reach the abode of the Heart Family. Purple Heart bounced up the steps of the front deck and opened the screen door, propping it open with his butt while he opened the door actual.
“Ladies first,” he prompted, gesturing the two girls inside. Rainbow snickered as she passed the threshold while Rarity sniffed.
“So you do have some manners,” she noted primly. Purple Heart allowed a snort of amusement to escape him as she shut the doors.
“I am sometimes a gentleman,” he defended. “I may not be a penguin in addition to that, but I have my moments of decorum.” He kicked his shoes off and held them in one hand as he moved further into the somewhat alien house. It bore a striking resemblance to his own, but different in some ways.
“Mom! I’m home!” he called.
“Kitchen!” came the answering reply. The trio of teens moved through the house, following the voice to its source. When they reached the kitchen, Purple Heart balked, causing the two girls to bump into his back.
“Purple Heart?” Rarity questioned, rubbing her nose. “What’s going on?” He didn’t answer. He was looking at his mother. An iteration of his mother, yes. But still his mother in some ways. She was standing at the counter with a level of poise that he hadn’t seen in a long time.
It’s before… I get it now…
He reached forward to touch her shoulder, but hesitated. Instead, he sighed. “Hi, mom,” he greeted. The woman turned, silver hair bobbing. Her purple eyes widened at the sight before her.
“Oh,” she said. “You’ve brought… girls over...”
The trio immediately flushed. “Oh, we’re just friends,” Rarity dismissed hurriedly. “Your son is amazing with words, Mrs Heart.”
The woman’s expression of confusion and surprise immediately shifted to one of bemused interest.
“Ooooh?” she elongated the vowel, looking meaningfully at Purple Heart. “In what way is my son good with words?” Rarity and Rainbow Dash blanched, jaws flapping mutely as they fumbled to save themselves.
“I’m good at language arts,” Purple Heart deadpanned. “Reading, writing, not arithmetic. Rarity and Rainbow Dash need help with an essay.”
Mrs. Heart shrugged non-committedly. “Very well,” she sighed. “Dinner will be ready in an hour or so. Make sure to clean up and do your chore before bed.”
“Yes, mom,” Purple Heart said, walking over to the silver haired woman. He gently bumped his forehead against hers and beckoned to Rarity and Rainbow Dash, leading them from the kitchen to the downstairs. They didn’t notice Local Purple Heart’s mother standing stock still, eyes wide with confusion at what her ‘son’ had just done.
Purple Heart clicked on the lights in the stairwell, illuminating the stairs themselves and the landing at the bottom just enough to traverse the stairs themselves and turn on the lights for the basement itself.  Rarity and Rainbow were still trodding down the stairs when Purple Heart reached the bottom and lit up the basement itself. He gaped, eyes wide as he stared at the illuminated room. When the pair of girls reached the landing they looked first at the purple teen, confusion clear on their faces. Then they saw the room. Understanding and surprise flooded them.
The room seemed to be split in half. On one side, there was all sorts of exercise equipment; weights, a stationary bicycle, therabands, and other such work out paraphernalia. A bag lay against one wall haphazardly as if it had been dropped there just moments before. Baseball equipment spilled from the bag in a flood of plastic, metal, and leather. There were several posters of various teams and awards tacked to the wall in addition to a small shelf lined with trophies.
That was the normal side.
On the other was the living space. Local Purple Heart’s bed, clothes dresser, and computer set up were relatively normal. Then one looked at the walls.
“So. Much. Anime,” Purple Heart said. “So. Many. Posters. And how does he even have the money for that much manga?!” An entire wall was covered with shelving for manga volumes. Scantily clad figurines, both male and female, adorned the dresser. Other such anime and manga related merchandise was scattered around that half of the room.
“Ahuh,” Rainbow grunted. “This is… interesting.” Purple Heart cringed.
“I hate it when people say that word,” he grumbled, stepping further into the room. “This is only a guess, but I’m starting to suspect that Local Heart is a weeaboo. And that doesn’t particularly thrill me.”
“What’s a weeaboo?” Rarity asked, having gathered the courage to ask.
Purple Heart shuddered. “A weeaboo,” he said, “is someone who is not a Japanese descent or ancestry that prefers the Japanese culture over one's’ indigenous culture. I sincerely hope that he just really likes anime and manga… I wasn’t this bad...”
Both girls arched an eyebrow at him. “You like this stuff?” Rarity asked. Purple Heart nodded weakly.
“I only have one shelf though,” he said. “And none of those figurines. I’m more scrupulous with my monies than Local Heart is.”
“Who?” a voice asked.
The trio turned to the voices’ source and blanched. Standing in a doorway on the sports side of the room was a partially naked figure clothed only in steam billowing from behind them and a towel.
He looked identical to the Purple Heart beside the girls.
The towel dropped.
“Carp,” the Purple Hearts chorused, one bending to cover himself and the other darting forward. The girls remained frozen in place, too stunned to do anything.
“Abort, abort, abort!” swore Purple Heart. He rushed forward, knocking Local Purple Heart over and accidentally kicking the teen across the face as he darted through the steaming doorway. Rarity and Rainbow Dash blinked at the collapsed Local Heart, dazed at the sudden encounter. They jerked when they heard a hiss from the doorway, looking up to see Purple Heart waving skittishly at them from the door.
“There’s a backdoor down the hall!” he hissed. “Time to enact the Heart Family’s Ultimate Technique passed down through GENERATIONS! BORK AWAY!” With that said, he disappeared and frantic footfalls could be heard disappearing into the distance.
Rarity shook herself and moved to go after the panicked teen. “Well,” she sniffed primly, stepping carefully over a clearly unconscious Local Heart, “that was certainly an experience.”
“Yeh,” Rainbow coughed. “I think something broke him. We should make sure he doesn’t hurt himself.”
Rarity giggled lightly. “I mean… He already has.” They both laughed, walking sedately after Purple Heart, merely following the destruction he’d left in his path of flight.
A few minutes later, Local Purple Heart awoke on the ground, wondering how he’d got there.
“Must’ve slipped on a wet spot,” he hummed, rolling to his feet. “At least I didn’t knock over Nami-swan.” His brow creased with a frown. “I could’ve sworn I saw myself… An out of body experience perhaps? Eh, probably nothing.” He toweled himself off and went about dressing in homewear. A buzzing reached his ears and he turned to where his phone lay on his bed. Local Heart draped his shirt around his neck and plucked his phone up, accepting the call.
“Moshi moshi,” he greeted.
“Onii-chan?” came Heart Burn’s voice. “You at home yet?”
“Yes. Why?”
“Meh. I wanted to play on your computer.”
Local Heart scowled. “No playing on my computer. Even if I’m not home.”
Static sounded on the other end of the line. “Damn, you’re no fun. The other one was better.” The call ended, leaving Local Heart staring at his phone. He’d never heard his brother talk like that. Ever. It really was unlike him. He shook his head, casting the strange conversation from his mind and moved over to his desk. Games wouldn’t play themselves.