//------------------------------// // 05.1 Me Inside of Me // Story: We Killed the Dinosaurs // by Distaff Pope //------------------------------// I held a copy of Rose’s farewell letter along with the rest of the school, now packed into the cafeteria and listening to that one teacher who broke up my fight with Hoops and Score read it out loud. “I sit at my desk and weep for all I’ve failed to be. When I think about what I could have done with my time at Westercolt, the genuine friendships I could have made if I had only lifted up my fellow students instead of tearing them down, I feel an immense sense of loss.” I looked at Starlight, leaned a little heavy on the thesaurus there, I thought, but she insisted. “I cannot go another day living in this life I’ve constructed for myself, so to all of those I hurt, I say goodbye, and hope you might find peace with my absence, and hope that one day, I can find some measure of absolution.” As running away letters went, not bad. I looked at Hoops and Score and flashed back to yesterday and finding my bike trashed. We’d do better next time. Just as soon as I could get Starlight to agree to next time. “We all misjudged, Rose,” the teacher, Felcher(?), said. “We all have hidden depths, hidden pains we can’t express, and now we can see the depths of her suffering.” She reached out. “I want you all to really feel it.” I reached out to Starlight and rested my hand on hers and could see her relax almost imperceptibly. Anyone else wouldn’t have noticed. “Are you feeling her sadness?” I asked, whispering into her ear. “Really feeling it.” Starlight laughed and the teacher’s head swiveled to her. “Ms. Glimmer, is something funny to you?” she asked, stepping toward Starlight. “Tell me, what’s so funny about your friend running away?” Starlight’s laugh deepened, she bent her head down, and under the table, she sunk her fingernails into her thigh. When she looked back up she was crying. “It’s just, Rose was my friend, and she never told me any of this.” She broke down sobbing then. Damn, my girlfriend had some acting chops. “And I wish I could have been theerreee.” The teacher rested a hand on Starlight’s back. “Listen to how open you’re being. Rose would be so proud of you.” I looked out the window to roll my eyes. “We should all learn from Starlight’s example. If we were in touch with our emotions like her, Westercolt would be a much better place, and Rose would still be with us.” Please, it’s not like Rose was dead. For all they knew, she could come back tomorrow. Not that she would, but she could if I wanted her to. The bell rang, and everyone in the school except Fletcher let out a sigh of relief. “Alright, everyone, I want you to really think about what we talked about tonight. Let’s take Rose running away as the spark we need to transform Westercolt.” And half the class was already at the bus. “Damn, color me impressed,” I said to Starlight as we left the cafeteria. “Crying on command like that, well done.” “Well, I wouldn’t have had to if you hadn’t made me laugh,” she said, shoving at me. “Can you believe–” “Hi, Starlight,” some blue girl said. “I’m sorry, I know we haven’t talked much, I just wanted to say how sorry I am about Rose. All this time, I thought she was a stuck-up bitch, but who knew she was so relatable? She really was just like us, wasn’t she?” Starlight nodded, smiling. “She was, and if she could have heard you say that, I think she’d be happy.” The two of us traded a glance, and Starlight did a very good job not smirking. The other girl hugged Starlight. “Well, if you ever need anyone to talk to, I’m here for you.” And then she ran off, leaving the two of us drifting back towards my locker. “Damn, Starlight, should I be jealous?” I asked, pushing against the swarm of students. “Please.” She leaned against me as we walked, no one apparently caring. “She couldn’t hold a candle to you on her best day. It’s amazing, though. How many of these kids were at the party? And now, we’re completely forgotten about us.” “Yeah, well, Rose missing was a fucking asteroid crashing into Earth. Anything that happened before then got buried.” I wrapped my arm around her. “It’s a new age, Starlight.” We turned the corner to see my locker and a few of the dinosaurs that were still hanging around. “Oh, look, it’s Starlight and her widdle girlfriend,” Hoops said. They parted, revealing ‘Dyke’ spray painted on my locker. Lovely. A few students walking to the bus laughed when they saw it. “Uh-oh,” Score said, walking around us. “Did someone vandalize your locker? Who could’ve done it?” I sighed. “I bet it was those same jerks who vandalized your bike.” And back to Hoops. “We’re sorry.” “Hey,” Score said, laughing. “Maybe you and Starlight can come to my place and we can take care of you.” “Dude, she beat us up.” Hoops looked at his traitorous friend. I just waited for them to go away. “Yeah, but she’s still hot. Can you imagine getting sandwiched by the two of them?” Score thrusted, and I tried not to gag. “Oh, nice!” They high-fived. I just walked past them and opened my locker. “You want us to layoff? Then you know what you need to do.” Beat the shit out of them again before taking their photo? That would get them to lay off. “Could you two get any more disgusting?” Starlight asked. I opened my locker, tossing a few books in. “Yeah, we can, baby,” Hoops said, pulling my girlfriend against him. “Come over tonight, and we’ll show you how disgusting we can be.” I slammed my locker door shut and my fist clenched “Get off me,” Starlight said, shoving Hoops away before I could do anything. “Fine, be that way,” Hoops said. “Offer still stands whenever you want to see how much better it can be with a man. The two of you, the two of us, one big, sexy sandwich.” Yeah, propositioning the only two confirmed lesbians in the school. Well, maybe Starlight was bi, but still. Not like they were bringing anything to the table. “Come on Starlight, let’s get out of here.” We walked away, the two of them lingering behind us. “Can you believe them?” she asked, once they fell far enough behind. “Rose goes missing, and Hoops is propositioning us less than twenty-four hours later.” Were Hoops and Rose going out? Whatever, they could spend eternity together soon enough. “The two of them being incorrigible horn dogs?” I asked as we left the school and moved to the parking lot. “Yeah, I can buy it. Good thing we don’t have to deal with them outside of school.” “Well, I might,” she said, pulling out her keys. “There’s a vigil tonight where we’re asking Rose to come home. The remaining Flowers are supposed to attend, and…” “You’re actually going to that?” I asked. When she could be hanging out with me. “It wouldn’t be proper if I skipped.” She sighed, opening the door. I followed her. “Besides, it’s kind of fun, isn’t it? Hearing them talk about how great Rose was, when they’re just reading my words? Everything they were mourning her for, I made.” I laughed. “Damn, I didn’t think you’d be so down with us taking care of Rose.” I took my seat and buckled in as Starlight started the engine. “You said it yourself, she’s not gone for good. We’re not murderers. And if I enjoy the way getting rid of her made Westercolt a better place to be? That’s not a crime, that’s just enjoying the fruits of our labor.” We peeled out of the parking lot. Maybe getting rid of Hoops and Score would be easier than I thought. But if I handled it wrong, she’d dig in in opposition. “So, Hoops and Score, huh?” I asked. “Can you believe the two of them propositioning us? After they vandalized my bike and my locker.” Starlight turned us. “It’s what they do. They’ll settle down in a few weeks, and we can ride out the rest of the year.” “Sure,” I said, cramming as much doubt as I could into that word. “And you don’t think they’ll stop trying to coerce us? They know about us, and it’s clear they’re going to hold it over our heads if we don’t do what they want.” “And what would you propose, Sunset? Have two more students go missing?” Damn, I pushed too hard. “You’re the one who suggested that,” I said, watching her face for any tells. Tense, but not full upset. “I’m just pointing out the problem. But do you have a better solution?” “I just told it to you: We wait, they find some other target, and we move on with our lives. We got lucky once. Rose is gone, Westercolt’s being introspective for once, and no one suspects us. Two more popular kids who have every reason to hate us go missing? Someone’s going to start asking question, and then we could both go to jail.” Damn, no photos tonight. “Alright, we play it cool, then.” I shrugged. “You want to crash at my place before you go to your little vigil? Or maybe just skip the vigil entirely?” “Sure,” she said. “I guess it’s time I finally see your place. But just for a few minutes.” *** Several hours later, she was resting her head on my lap as we watched the vigil on TV. “I just hope Rose sees this outpouring of love and support and how much she means to us,” Lily said live. I rolled my eyes. “So, did she actually like Rose, or…” “Please,” she said, tossing some popcorn in her mouth. “The only person who maybe liked Rose was Daisy, and even then, I’m not convinced. But Rose’s is a lot easier to like when she’s away, I guess.” She tossed a kernel of popcorn at me, and I opened my mouth trying to catch it. Instead, it bounced off my lip and down into her purple hair. I plucked it out for her and dropped it in her mouth. “And I guess her parents. Maybe.” “Wow.” Say something better. “And now, thanks to us, everyone loves her,” Starlight said before I could think of a better response. “Whenever we send her back, she’ll be more popular than ever.” “Maybe,” I said, changing the channel. Another interview, same Lily. “Or maybe we’ll have a new Rose-less Westercolt equilibrium that she won’t be able to get back into.” We trailed off, watching the news. It would be all Rose for the next few days, probably. At least, unless a couple of jocks bumped her out of primetime. “Hey, Sunny,” Starlight said. I looked down at her. “What’s with those suitcases?” She pointed at a couple I had packed at the door. Right. Shit. “You know how I kind of move around a lot?” I asked. “I think you mentioned something about it.” She frowned seeing where I was going. “You’re not going to leave Westercolt, are you?” “Don’t really have a choice,” I said. “If my dad gets a new job somewhere else, we go there. Although I turn eighteen in March, and then I can do whatever I want.” “Hmm,” she said. “Then, hopefully he doesn’t have to go anywhere until then.” And speaking of my dad, the door slammed open and shut and I heard footsteps going to the kitchen, pausing, then falling our way. “Hey, dad,” my dad said, coming to my door and leaning heavily against the frame. “Sorry for breaking your rule and bringing a girl into the house.” “Well, Sunset,” I said, glaring at him. “You’re almost an adult, and I think you can have whoever you want over, no matter what my personal views are.” Starlight sat up, looking between us. “But I know how much you disapprove of my terrible life choices, and I’d never want to upset you.” He just fucking stood there, overgorged stomach heaving for air, open beer in his hand. “True, true, but that doesn’t change the fact this is your house as much as mine and you should have your friends over if you want.” If he scared Starlight away, I’d never forgive him. “Geeze, Dad, I’m still real sorry for not respecting your rules, and especially for not introducing my ‘friend’ to you.” I looked back at Starlight. “Starlight, this is my dad, Mirror Catch. Dad, this Starlight Glimmer.” “It’s nice to meet you,” Starlight lied, nowhere near as convincing as in the cafeteria. She offered him her hand. He just passed her his beer. “Hey, Dad, I guess it would be polite of me to invite my friend to dinner. Sorry about not doing that yet.” We both looked at Starlight. “Starlight, you want to stay for dinner?” I asked her. I could already see the answer in her eyes. “That’s ok,” she said, setting the beer down. “I just remembered Mom’s making spaghetti for dinner, and you know, that’s my favorite.” She squeezed past Dad and out into the hallway. “I’ll pick you up for school tomorrow.” And then she was gone, and the world got that much shittier. “Well, sorry, Dad, guess my girlfriend was too rude to accept my invitation. Just goes to show.” Or maybe she freaked out because he came in acting like a psychopath. Just a guess. He grabbed his beer can. “Well, you know I give you shit for being a lesbian, but I’d freak out just as much if you ever bought a guy home,” I said, stomping up to him and keeping him from going any further in my room. “Not that you ever would, because even I can see how gross and disgusting men are.” “Dad, I’m going to stop bringing this up, because I know you’re paying for my motorcycle repairs, and I’d hate to be ungrateful when you’re being so kind.” He backed up, moving to the edge of my room. I looked at the nightstand and a certain camera resting there. “You’re fine,” I said, turning back to him. Later. Maybe. “But since you’re little friend isn’t going to be staying for dinner, I hope you’re fine fending for yourself tonight. These old demolition tapes aren’t going to watch themselves.” He glared at me. I glared back, daring him to prove me wrong and actually fix a meal for once instead of leaving that to me. “Ok, Dad, but I’m going keep my door open a crack because I know how much you worry about me getting into trouble,” said the man who didn’t even know I’d gotten suspended from school last week. I cracked the door and flopped back down on my bed. As long as I didn’t kill him by March, I’d never have to see him again. I looked at the corkboard hanging over my desk and the photo of Rose hanging there. Maybe soon, she wouldn’t feel so alone.