When I returned to Canterlot, I discovered Day Court would begin a fourteen day Spring Holiday the upcoming weekend. I was more surprised to see many shops around town also planning to close for the occasion. I meant to query Steady about this but the rush of trying to cram three weeks of work into just one crowded such minutia out of my mind. This was not helped by the fact that Raven Inkwell had trouble concentrating the last couple of days. I noticed that despite her wearing more perfume, she smelled a bit… musky. It may have been my imagination, but I started to catch sideways glances and smirks from many of the mares in the castle, including some of the guardsponies. Even more strange was that mares started looking more appealing to me for some reason.
At the end of Day Court on Friday, Trixie told me, “I do not expect to see you for two weeks.” Then she left for her chambers without a backward glance. Well, that was rather rude.
When I arrived at my rooms, Crimson excused himself and said he would be back in twenty minutes. Inside, Steady had my clothes, brushes, shampoos and whatnot spread out on my bed and my open pannier-style saddlebags next to them. I noticed all the accessories were for my male form. He looked up. “You ready? Since you haven’t done this before, Crimson and I are going to make sure you have a great time.”
I frowned. “My first time at what, exactly? Is this some sort of enforced two-week vacation?”
He gaped at me for a moment then checked to make sure the door was closed. He waved me closer and looked me in the eyes. “Mark, the mares in Equestria go into heat in the spring. Canterlot and the West Coast towns like Vanhoover start around now, while East Coast cities such as Baltimare and Manehatten start next week.”
I made the “Oh” shape with my lips and I’m sure my eyes were wide as saucers. Hadn’t thought of that.
“Unless a couple is trying for a foal, the stallions clear out,” Steady smirked. “Now I know you are all about getting in touch with your mare side, do you want—”
“No,” I said flatly. “You go right on packing for me. Don’t let me slow you down.”
I went to my wardrobe to gather a few more items that I took on every trip: camera with extra film, magic grounding boot, emergency bag, and the pouch from Zecora. While I no longer used the poison joke, I was dying to see what it did to Crimson and Steady. I figured I wasn’t quite done getting even with them for their pranks… or maybe I wanted to get in the lead again. Who cares? Anyway, I put Zecora’s pouch at the bottom of my bags and the folded clothes and other items fit around them.
A multi-purpose tool and flint striker gave me a hunch about our destination but when my valet attached a tackle box to the cross strap connecting the bags, it became a certainty. “We’re going fishing?”
Steady looked up with a smile. “I remembered you telling me about the great times you and Phil had going fishing and camping. It turns out both Crimson and I love fish, the fresher the better. I booked the three of us a luxury cabin at the Camp Shady Brook Resort at the base of Canterlot Mountain. Giant kitchen... bay windows… full-sized bath attached to every suite…we’re gonna live like kings for a week then go out and camp at the trout-filled streams and beaver ponds in the area. Stallions only, mostly current or former guardponies or military. More fun than the Stallion’s Quarter here in town, unless you want to spend the entire two weeks drunk.”
I shook my head then paused. “I thought only pegasi liked fish?”
“Apparently Crimson developed a taste for it in survival training, or from a pegasus fishmonger’s daughter he dated—I forget which. I think he enjoys it more than we do.”
I grinned hugely and pulled Steady into a hug, slapping him on the back a few times with a wing. “Steady, my good stallion, thanks for looking out for me. I have a feeling this is going to be an unforgettable trip.”
After leaving word for Trixie and Twilight where we were headed, the next couple of days were happily spent scouting a few possible camping spots for an extended fishing hike. We hauled back our catch each evening to our cabin, where Crimson showed his impressive skills at preparing fish. Tonight I was able to add a rice pilaf side dish to his version of Cajun-style blackened trout. Steady kept the beers flowing and cleaned up after us.
After dinner, we sat around the living room, sampling a new whiskey brand that was made by Equestrian griffons living near Baltimare. Crimson was relaying his part in war game plans that were coming up next month.
“I trust both of you have the discretion not to relate this to anypony else.” He looked up to see both Steady and I nodding. “Being the ‘bad guys’, my group will have illusions on them to have the appearance of armored lizards from Saddle Arabian lore. As we close with the Equestrian ranks, the illusions on half will change to show changeling drones. The strongest pegasi in my group will have the lightest unicorns harnessed to their backs to create an aerial magic attack. Ground troops like me will have their illusions drop to show ponies that look identical to the Equestrians, right down to the unit badges.”
While Steady got a chuckle, I remembered this particular scenario and figured the description wasn’t quite done yet. “And?” I asked.
Crimson pursed his lips. “After a minute of close combat, that’s when the surprise comes out to play. Fluttershy has been trying to get a tatzelwurm to agree to come in and just scare everybody, basically causing chaos without harming anyone. Unfortunately, while the adult Fluttershy has been speaking to is, and I quote ‘an absolute dear’, the beastie is concerned she will just get too excited and end up hurting somepony.”
Steady laughed then stopped. “Wait. You’re serious?”
Crimson nodded. “Every word. I would not want to make that mare angry, especially when she counts the Element Bearers and the most terrifying creatures imaginable as her friends.” He poured himself another shot of Last Clutch. “Anyway, since we couldn’t get reservations with that terror, we settled for a gang of screaming teenage dragons with pugil sticks. Should do a similar job of mucking up anything the troops are trying to do.”
I asked, “What do you predict the outcome to be?”
“I think the Equestrians will actually win this time, but with about 60% marked as casualties, which is the same as a loss, really. Many opportunities for lessons learned in the post-scenario briefings.”
I sat back in my chair. Crimson had gotten me thinking tactically again. I knew something was bothering me but it took some time to figure out exactly what. “Wait a minute. For the next two weeks, the Equestrian armed forces are basically split. Every unit has been divided up.” For some reason, both Crimson and Steady were giving me knowing smiles. “What’s to keep an enemy from attacking now? It’s the perfect time.”
My friends fell into each other laughing, slapping each other’s backs. Eventually, they got their jollies out of their system. Crimson started. “You know, the griffons thought the same thing… about eight hundred years ago. A large group of them descended on Canterlot when it was a much smaller city. You know, steal some gold and gems, grab some food, and terrorize a thousand or so soft pony civilians. Nothing easier while Celestia and the army were out teaching a lesson to Diamond Dogs, right?”
Steady picked up the story. “Well, it went about as expected, mares running around screaming, no resistance to speak of until one griffon made the mistake of heading towards the stallion’s enclave which was at the south edge of town.”
Crimson put on his best falsetto voice. “Suddenly, a mare called out, ‘They’re trying to steal our stallions!’ ”
My valet held up his hooves dramatically. “And then there was silence… ”
I pricked my ears up. Obviously, they weren’t going to continue until I said something. “And then?”
Crimson said. “And that’s when Tartarus came to Equestria, at least for the griffons. Every mare came outside and they fought together like a well-oiled machine. Earth ponies flung themselves off of buildings to try to grab griffons on the wing, and few hollow-boned griffons are a match for an earth pony. Pegasi gathered up hundreds of clouds into a gigantic thunderhead and kicked it into spewing lightning everywhere. Of course, you can’t aim lightning so it basically blew pieces off of half the buildings and set fire to the other half, all while forcing the griffons to fly lower.”
Steady continued. “The unicorn mares acted as teams, plucking griffons out of the sky to waiting earth ponies who would tie up the males and subdue the females. Soon after the battle started in earnest, the stallions charged in to protect their mares, helping where they could and dragging the griffon hens away before they were killed. A few griffons escaped that rout, but not many. They named the battle ‘The Day of the Red Feather’.”
Crimson raised his glass. “To stallions who know to stay out of the way of their mares this time of year.” We all took a shot and sat back.
I needed to hear the rest of the story. “So what was the aftermath?”
My valet looked up. “A few things. When Celestia came back with her two gender-segregated armies, she found most of the wooden structures in the town destroyed by fire. Everypony was camped out in the still-under-construction castle. Every single mare was pregnant from the celebrations that followed. Oh, and you can’t find spirits older than that year—the royal wine cellar was sacked.”
My bodyguard said, “A few of the griffon hens who had been healed and treated very well by the stallions decided to stay and become Equestria’s first griffon citizens. The exhausted males, however, all were happy to finally be allowed to leave.”
“Exhausted?”
Crimson smiled. “Ten days and nights of spells to keep them awake and ‘useful’ to a mare. Legend has that most of them survived.”
Steady grinned. “Where else did you think hippogriffs came from, Mark?”
“And that’s why no stallion in their right mind will go into the Mares’ Quarter for the next two weeks… unless they want to risk the same thing happening to them.”
I sat back. Death by Snu-Snu. It was a real thing here.
Crimson stood up. “But no more moping about the most glorious death possible. We have midnight bowling to attend to!”
I blinked. “But it’s not midnight yet, and I’ve probably had a few too many shots to be anything but a source of amusement for you two.”
Crimson thumped his chest. “I guess you should have moderated yourself like Steady or had an earth pony constitution like me. And it’s called ‘midnight bowling’ because no matter what, the tournament has to end at midnight. That’s when the weather teams bring in the thunderclouds. Prizes for the… what?” He turned to Steady.
The pegasus smiled. “Prizes for the top four score totals from three games. And as for you being a laughing stock… why do you think we brought out the good stuff so early in the week?”
I rolled my eyes. These stallions got me again.
Not wanting to repeat my previous tactic of leading with my head, I stuck to a foal’s weight bowling ball. As it turned out, my slight buzz… OK, my significant buzz just caused me to relax and not try to force any of my shots. Despite my friends’ attempts to make me cave under the pressure, I found myself yawning at their good-natured attempts to make me nervous. I did accept the occasional bolstering shot of whiskey to try to stay at the same level of a-bit-more-than-tipsy. This proved to be a very inexact science, especially with a drink whose flavor I truly enjoyed. It didn’t hurt that many of the competitors were in much worse shape than I was—either from getting an earlier head-start on drinking today or lagging from the third day without sleep. I jumped up the leaderboard a couple of spots when one competitor turned an even greener shade than his natural color and ran off to the bathroom, never to return. A second could not be roused to complete his third game.
Back in my room, I proudly set the third-place prize fruit basket down on the nightstand just as I heard the rain start outside. I picked up the candle holder with the cool-burning safety candle already lit. I put on my nightcap before visiting the little-colts-room in my suite. In the mirror, I smirked at how much I looked like Ebenezer Scrooge.
I heard the bang of the bay windows slamming open followed by the whistling of the wind. I grumbled as I came back out and swung them shut again, this time throwing the hook latches on the bottom and top to better fasten the windows together. I studied the windows flexing slightly as they battled the wind. They were moving much more than I would like. Maybe I could find a wedge of some sort to brace them closed?
Just then, I saw the reflection in the window glass of a red light from behind me. I turned around and didn’t see anything, only then realizing that perhaps the light was from outside the cabin. I spun around and peered into the darkness. The light was not there either, and a flash of lightning showed nothing but an expanse of wet grass all the way to the forest, maybe a hundred yards away.
I frowned as I moved back into my room. Were Steady and Crimson playing mind games with me? I knew about the firefly tool that could create a point of light a few feet ahead, even through obstacles. I had seen ones that projected a point of white light, so it was feasible there was a model that created a red spot. I grabbed my candle from the bathroom and quickly moved to the door. Opening it, I looked into the hallway. It was still well lit but also empty. Hmmm.
I returned to the bathroom and washed my face. I stopped when I felt the hairs on the back of my neck rise up. I looked in the mirror, unsure what I would see, but there was nothing but the empty chamber and the sound of the wind trying to claw its way into my room. I brought the candle back into my bedroom, looking out the window at the indistinct shapes of rain washing against the glass. I checked inside and behind the wardrobe and under the bed. Nothing. Phil and I had camped through this kind of weather more than once. What was it that was spooking me so?
The feeling was getting worse. I hesitantly opened the door to the hallway again only to hear the windows slam open behind me, accompanied by the howling of the wind and crash of thunder. A chill went up my back and I froze.
My hoof shaking, I turned around to see a smiling Fluttershy. I sighed in relief. “Oh, my goodness, you scared me half to death!” I stepped closer to her. “But shouldn’t you… be…” My pace ground to a halt as it dawned on me that she didn’t look quite right. Her smile was too wide and her ears were tufted. I thought I could see light through parts of her wings, which made no sense. When the next flash of lightning struck somewhere outside, I saw fangs and a joyous, feral hunger in her slit pupils.
“Gyah!” I backed up just as my now-batpony friend leaped at me. Instinct drilled into me by hoof-to-hoof combat sessions took over and I rolled straight back, using her momentum and my rear hooves to toss her past me. I dropped the candle holder and heard it clatter away. When I got to my hooves, the now hissing Fluttershy was blocking my room’s only exit to the hallway. She spread her membranous wings, perhaps to block any attempt to get past her. I briefly considered jumping out the window, but I would be at a great disadvantage without night vision, and I had to assume nocturnes shared the mating flight tradition with pegasi. I could still do one thing, though.
“Steady! Crimson! Help!”
I dived to the side to get out of the way of her next leap, unfortunately resulting with me sprawled on my bed. In a moment, Fluttershy was on top of me and I struggled to grapple with her using what little I had learned. I’m not proud to say I landed a good punch on the side of my friend’s head, but this just caused her to grin wider. The now-batpony was also very strong in this form and her hips grinding against mine was getting very distracting.
Just as Fluttershy started to pin me, she hesitated, her nose wrinkling. The thestral looked up at my nightstand. Her tongue shot out like a chameleon’s, returning wrapped around an apple. The fruit was quickly pierced by her fangs and drained to a withered husk. She spat it on the ground.
I stopped struggling for a moment. “OK. I’m officially saying that is the least sexy thing I have ever seen in my entire life.”
Then I saw salvation arrive in the doorway.
“Mark, what are— ” Steady stopped in his tracks after he had walked a step into my room, his candleholder held high. Crimson was right behind him.
Fluttershy turned and hissed at the two for a second, then smiled and licked her fangs.
Steady backed out of the room and Crimson grabbed the doorknob as he looked me in the eyes. “Sorry, Mark. You’re on your own for this one.” With that, the door was closed behind them.
As Fluttershy looked back at me, my sense of betrayal was replaced by the need to act and act now. I knew I was down to one option. Well, two actually, but let’s not go there. I switched to my long-maned Marklestia form and used my magic to levitate her off of me with probably more force than was necessary.
She flipped over and landed face first into the closed wardrobe across the room. When she sat up in the candlelight, the fluffy batpony wore a little pout as she rubbed her nose with a hoof. It was absolutely adorable.
I couldn’t help myself as I got out of my bed. “D’awwww.”
Fluttershy looked at me and hissed. She jumped forward and slammed into the door. It wouldn’t budge, no doubt braced by two panicked stallions on the other side.
I jumped forward and spread my wings to their fullest, which practically filled the room. I yelled “Mine!” as loud as I could. I also made my matchstick spell as bright as I could muster. Apparently, huge wings and a glowing horn were an effective sign of dominance because she backed away.
I herded her towards the bay windows, ready to throw her outside if needed. She hissed one more time, then in rapid succession, used her tongue to snag three apples from my nightstand. The first two were dropped into her forehooves and the last stayed in her mouth as the thestral leaped through the open window and into the night. I watched her take flight and closed the window after I was sure she wasn’t returning.
I sighed and moved to pick up my candle holder from the floor. “You brave, strong stallions who are sworn to protect me from bodily harm can come out from hiding now.”
Hesitantly, the door opened and two eyes peered into the room. I glared back at them as they entered.
Steady couldn’t look me in the eye. “Sorry, Mark. I just couldn’t.”
Crimson was less embarrassed. “Mark, a bodyguard’s job is to protect his charge from physical harm, not pleasant exercise. As your self-defense instructor, I knew you were perfectly capable of handling the situation. Even if, once again, you hesitated to transform into your pegacorn alter-ego.”
I waved my forehooves over my head. “But she had fangs! I even got a close-up demonstration of how she uses them!”
Crimson shrugged. “Personally, I like fangs on my mares. Adds the spice of danger and some incentive not to disappoint.”
“Too much information. I think you two are just terrified of mares in heat.”
Both nodded their heads vigorously. “Guilty,” they said in unison.
“So you’re telling me that both of you would rather face off against an angry hydra or a manticore with a toothache rather than tangle with a single ovulating, feral mare.”
My valet said, “A manticore won’t nag at you to stop drinking or be back home at sundown every night.”
Crimson chimed in, “And a hydra won’t smack you upside the head if you glance at another mare just one second too long.”
Shaking my head in disappointment I said, “I had no idea bachelorhood was synonymous with cowardice.” I waved them to go out of the room. “Come on. I need to let Twilight know about Flutter-batpony and it’s too dark to write in here.”
As they retreated, I grabbed my emergency bag. “Umm, Mark?” said Steady. “Shouldn’t you change back to your stallion form now?”
“In a minute. The piece of paper I have for the note is pretty small and this form has the best handwriting.”
Ten minutes and lots of grumbling later, I had my note written. What I wouldn’t have given for a ballpoint pen right then. Twilight had promised to pass that wish along with her other communications to Sunset Shimmer. I could only hope they would show up in the next care package instead of “Rutledge’s Comprehensive Guide to Semi-Conductor Theory, 17th Edition” or whatever other pricey item was on Twilight’s list of absolute must-haves from Sunset’s world. The comments from the peanut gallery did not help either.
Crimson grinned. “Really, Mark? Did she ‘try to take advantage of you’? You know that the word ‘mate’ has fewer letters, right? I would have thought you would try to make this note concise and all that.”
Steady added, “Shouldn’t you also ask for some apple-scented cologne from Applejack? That way you and Fluttershy can bite and make up!”
I cast an ink-drying spell and folded the sheet in quarters, leaving a two inch by two inch square with the embossed name of the destination pony, Twilight Sparkle in this case, facing up. I placed a hollow glass sphere on top of it, the center a slowly moving swirl of yellow and green flame. These crisis notes were great for instant communications but the transfer mechanism had a limited shelf life. Also, their inventor Twilight said the defect rate in creating a sphere that could capture Spike’s dragonfire was very high, so I had been issued just the one. Research into more reliable instant communication systems continued.
I hesitated. “So I won’t be cut by the glass?”
Crimson shook his head. “Powder glass. Enchanted to crumble to dust as soon as it breaks.”
I pressed down hard with my hoof and was rewarded with a pop and a flash. Gray smoke snaked its way out a window we had cracked open. Lifting my hoof revealed a small amount of dust the same color. The moment the smoke had left, Steady latched the window shut and returned to the table. He shuddered. “Somehow even having the window open for that long felt like a terrible risk.”
I grinned and smothered him with one of my enormous wings, perhaps accidentally pressing his face into the table. “Awwww. Don’t be scared, little colt. Big and strong Momma Mark is going to make sure you stay single and unattached for the rest of your life.” I put on a maniacal grin. “No more looking or talking to any other mares for you. You will always be mine! Bwu-ha-ha-ha!”
Steady knocked my wing away with a glare. “Yeah, we heard what you told Fluttershy when she was trying to break down the door.”
I shrugged and pulled my wing back. “Hey, it worked, didn’t it? Frankly, I don’t think she understood a word I said. It was the alpha-mare attitude that got through to her.”
Crimson raised an eyebrow. “Speaking of that… ”
I blinked. “Oh, right.” I willed the change back to my stallion form. Nothing. Then I willed it again. Still nothing. I closed my eyes and cleared my head, focusing on exactly what I wanted my body to do.
After a full minute, I looked up at my friends. “I’m stuck.” Then I remembered. “No, wait! I’m not! I still have a dose of the poison joke cure from Zecora. Be back in a minute.”
I quickly got to my room and had to wait for what seemed like an eternity for the oversized clawfoot tub to fill to the point I could fully immerse myself. I dumped in the powder and swirled it with my hoof. I smiled as I felt the familiar tingle of the neutralizing magic. I carefully climbed into the tub. It was a tight fit, but I got all of my body under the surface of the water. I felt the expected prickling crawl all over my body… and that was it. Eventually, I had to come up for air.
Snarling, I grabbed a towel and stomped back out to the kitchen. “It’s not working.”
“Thank you, Captain Obvious,” deadpanned Crimson. I glared at my bodyguard. He crossed his hooves. “Then you have to leave. Fly to Friendship Castle. Your friends there will help. Off with you.”
“What?! I don’t think so!”
Steady spoke up. “Mares stay with mares, Mark.”
“But I feel fine! Both of you still look ugly as sin to me.”
“That’s not going to last. You are just at the beginning of your cycle. Trust me, it’s going to get bad.”
I scoffed. “That’s stupid. If I have to, I’ll just lock the door to my room.”
Crimson said “Mark... ”
“We can just play card games or something, sliding them under the door.”
“Mark... ”
“And you can feed me by sliding flat foods like pancakes the same way.”
“Mark... ”
I waved a forehoof across my body forcefully. “No, that’s it. If I have to pull rank, I will. I am not leaving this cabin, period.”
Steady sighed. “Mark, since this is your first heat, it is going to be especially intense. Being a powerful pegacorn will probably make it even worse.”
I frowned and looked away, my forelegs crossed on my chest.
Crimson leaned forward. “Ten bits to your two that the heat will overwhelm your self-control after seven days and nights without sleep. Do you want to spend the next eleven months pregnant?”
I got up. “Flight bags. Steady, can I borrow your flight bags? I didn’t think to bring the barrel cinch for mine.”
I stood impassively, letting Steady secure his flight bags onto my barrel. In practically no time at all, the cinch was tightened and I was standing by myself next to the front door of the cabin. Since all my stallion stuff was useless to me now, the bags were less than half-full. I held my head low and absolutely every part of my body drooped. My valet snapped the two halves of Ever-Dry bands around the base of each wing. I felt a tingling along their length until everything to the furthest tip of my primaries was covered in their magic field. I looked pleadingly up at my friends, now standing a safe distance away. I noticed they were both leaning backward as well.
I sniffled. “But I was so looking forward to spending time with you two. And now I’ve ruined it.” I turned away, wiping imaginary tears with my fetlock.
That got Steady to come up to me and give me a tentative wing hug. “Mark, I think the mood swings are starting to get to you. And, well, you never know. It may not be... all that bad.” He didn't sound convinced in the slightest. I sure wasn’t.
I quickly wrapped him up in a foreleg and wing hug. “You are such a great friend! I love you so, so, so much, Steady!” I gave the now slightly panicked stallion a kiss on the cheek then moved my lips next to his ear on the side away from Crimson. With my forehoof, I shoved a small bottle under Steady’s wing, whispering, “This is poison joke. You know what to do.”
I pulled away and stared meaningfully into his eyes. “I’ll be at Friendship Castle. Write to me.”
I saw comprehension dawn on my valet’s face as he pulled away from my hug. “Uh… sure thing, Mark.”
I looked longingly at Crimson who said, “I think the season is hitting you hard, Mark. You’d better go.”
I sighed, turned to reach for the door then paused.
“No.”
I sat back down and crossed my forelegs. “I am not leaving without one last drink together. If we’ve got to bring this bachelor party to a close, we’ll do it properly.”
Crimson opened his mouth to say something but Steady piped up, “I know just the thing!”
A couple of minutes later, Steady called us into the kitchen. He placed a mixed drink in our hooves, no ice. Crimson frowned. “Have I had this before?”
Steady’s delivery was perfect. “Nope. It’s a surprise. To friendship… ” He looked at me levelly. “… just friendship… ” He grinned wickedly at Crimson. “… and everything that comes with it!”
“Here, here!” I said and drained my glass. Bringing my head down, I saw that both my friends had done the same.
Steady and I looked at Crimson and waited. He frowned at the taste then noticed our stares. “What?” Then he started tapping his hooves.
I turned to Steady. “Well, that’s catchy.” I started tapping mine.
He grinned. “I’ll say. I think I’ve got the rhythm!”
Both of us started to do a reasonably decent impression of tap dancing around the room, to be followed by our bodyguard putting us to shame with his lightning-quick footwork. His face was a delightful shade of panic. “I can’t control them!”
I nodded my head in time with an imaginary beat. “Don’t try to, baby! Just let the music floooooooow through you! Steady, there’s a record player here, right? Spin us some tunes!”
“On it!”
After a particularly graceful pirouette, Crimson returned to all fours and did something similar to the Charleston. “I can’t believe this! This whole thing was a set up to get me to drink poison joke? Fluttershy? Pretending to get stuck in your Marklestia form? All to see what would happen to me?”
I grinned as I shuffled gracefully across the floor. “Nah. I’ve got no idea what happened to Fluttershy, and I really am stuck in this form.” I lowered my head, grinned evilly and paraphrased. “ ‘Sometimes you will see the pranks coming. Often times you will not.’ ” His eyes opened wide in recognition.
I took off Steady’s flight bags. “Lighten up, Crimson. Take it from me. Enjoy it while it lasts, then take a bath in my tub for the cure.”
Now how could I change up his dance steps? I tried to sing the first show tune I could think of, “There’s No Business Like Show Business”, but stopped after only getting that far. It seemed Celestia did not have a voice for the theater. It was so bad that Crimson stopped dancing for a moment to cover his ears.
A classical waltz started up. When Steady walked closer, I lifted a flap of the bags and handed him my camera. I turned to Crimson to see him already standing in ready position, waiting for his partner. If his face was any indication, he was a bit conflicted.
I gushed dramatically. “I will have this dance!” I stood up, stepped confidently into his embrace and turned my head, as was proper. We then started gliding across the floor but soon came to an uneven halt.
Crimson said with a frown, “Mark, stop leading.”
Oops.
I think Steady had more fun taking photos of us than we did dancing together. He opined that the best photos were taken after he put on a DJ Pon3 record. Still, an earth pony break dancing was not healthy for the furniture, even if it was made in the rustic, log furniture style. In any case, a couple of hours of good times later, Crimson had had enough and took his bath.
I put the camera back in Steady’s flight-bags once again and he helped fasten them around my barrel. I opened the front door and checked my wristband—that I should probably call a cannon-band, but oh well. About thirty percent. That would allow a quick sprint to Ponyville. The storm chose right then to release a lightning bolt close by. This was followed by a deafening clap of thunder a couple of seconds later. I cringed and felt my ears flatten against my skull.
“Are you sure you guys don’t want me around until the storm breaks? We had a heck of a lot of fun, and I’m not too keen on flying through all that.”
Steady shook his head. “The thunderstorm is scheduled to go through tomorrow evening. The weather control team is using the holiday to do flood control testing since there is no commerce on the roads.”
Crimson came up and gave me a clonk on the shoulder. “Mark, you’re a pegasus, even in that form. That means a lightning strike or two won’t hurt you. It’s part of your makeup. Also, you’re just a dot in the sky – the chances of that happening are a million to one.”
I sighed and lowered my head. Of course, they were right. “I’m gonna miss you guys.”
My valet smirked. “More like you’re going to miss the whiskey.”
I brightened and looked up to smile at him. “Great idea! Wrap up one of the bottles of Last Clutch for me. Use one of my shirts that I otherwise won’t be using.”
My friends grumbled. I smirked. “It’s your fault for reminding me. Now come on.”
When my flight bags had the last item loaded, I gave a hoofbump to my friends (like a proper ‘bro’), took a deep breath, and flew off into the night.
I should have insisted on staying until the storm broke. Even for a trumped-up pegasus like me, this weather was crazy difficult to deal with. For starters, the wind was in my face as I turned towards Ponyville… or at least what I hoped was the right direction. Visibility sucked big time when the only illumination aside from my glowing horn came from the frequent lightning. Of course, while that gave me light, it also had me nervous about getting struck by a bolt. It’s one thing to be told that I could cope with it and an entirely different thing to be cool with that knowledge.
I could swear that I saw several flying creatures out in the storm with me, but would even thestrals want to be out on a night like this? The rain blown into my eyes sure didn’t help despite the third eyelid protecting them. I made a mental note to add flight goggles to my ‘Must Pack’ list in the future.
Gah! Almost flew into a tree! How did I not notice how close to the ground I had gotten? Oh yeah – the storm. Helluva downdraft! Thank heavens for that lightning at the last mom—
BOOMCRASHSIZZLE!
I nearly plowed into the ground before I recovered. Holy shit! I was just struck by lightning and survived! What an experience! I hope to hell that doesn’t hap—
BOOMZAPCRACKLE!
Bucking hell! Again?! Is this storm targeting me? I tried to look at my power band but couldn’t read it in the poor light. I decided to play it safe. Perhaps my proximity to the ground was exacerbating the situation? I poured power into my wings to gain elevation fast. Unfortunately, now I was in real danger of losing my bearings because I couldn’t see any landmarks and my horn only illuminated the raindrops. Still, if the wind remained in my face, I guess I was more or less headed the right way.
Then it started hailing. Not pea-sized hail but marble-sized and bigger. I winced whenever one struck a tender spot, and when a big one struck my horn, I ended up with a blinding headache. I was seriously considering what mayhem I could inflict on my so-called buddies for forcing me out into this torture. I screamed my defiance at the storm.
It laughed back with a bone-shaking rumble and a blinding flash. The hell?! Lightning in a hailstorm? The magical land of Equestria just lost some of its luster right then.
It wasn’t any better being struck for a third time. And I think it caused a brief short in one of the Ever-Dry bands. I had to struggle to achieve lift while the field worked to get my appendage completely dry again. From that point, my experience went downhill, as impossible as that seems.
The cold and wet had pushed me into the foulest mood by the time Ponyville came into sight. My mane and tail were both sodden, heavy messes. I headed straight for the balcony entrance at the top of Friendship Castle. It was closer to my room and I didn’t feel like wasting time getting to a warm shower.
I saw the two batpony guards take notice of me as I glided to a landing at the edge of the platform. The rain bounced off the protective fields generated by their armor. Both took hold of their spears and moved in front of the balcony entrance.
I frowned as I marched up to them. The one on the right spoke up in a voice I recognized.
“Good evening, Mark Wells. Password?”
I brought my muzzle right up to hers and snarled. “I’m in heat and I’ll go nuclear on your ass if you slow me down one more second, Ebony Blade!”
She retreated a step before repeating her demand for the password in a terrified squeak.
I swear the rainwater must have started steaming off me as I felt my anger grow white hot, but I managed to throttle it down enough to realize that this was exactly what I wanted of the Royal Guards. “Persimmons,” I grated out between clenched teeth.
“Uh… OK, sir. That’s an older password but it checks out.” Ebony stepped aside. “Have a good evening, Grand Vizier.”
I pushed my way past. My sensitive ears picked up their conversation as I strode into the castle.
“Wow. The season is hitting her hard. What does ‘go nuclear’ mean?”
“No clue. I just know I don’t want to find out.”
“How many times?” Twilight asked incredulously.
I sat by the fireplace, a blanket pulled around me and the remains of a steaming mug of cocoa held in the glow of my magic. “Seven,” I repeated.
I could tell that was abnormal judging by the way she gaped at me. “Mark – pegasi can handle being hit by lightning, but they usually have to land and recover after only one or two hits at the most. Only lightning wranglers have that much resistance to harm from being zapped.” She looked at where my cutie mark would be if it wasn’t hidden by the blanket. “And you are sure you’re not overloaded with energy?”
I poked my leg out from under the blanket to show the monitoring band – still green. “I was at around 30% before I left.”
The alicorn tapped the band, read the power level, and nodded thoughtfully. “About the same. I think your cells can release excess energy now and you’re no longer in danger of blowing up. Of course, that needs to be verified.”
I got a sinking feeling. “You don’t mean…?”
Twilight grinned happily. She put a hoof on my mug and it disappeared. “Yep! Off to the laboratory!”
Damn pushy mares! It didn’t help that I was probably stuck as one for the next couple of weeks.
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