//------------------------------// // Chapter twenty seven, Manehattan Menageries: Udder nonsense. // Story: Airship Mauled // by Darkonshadows //------------------------------// -Arizona- Another escapade under Jade’s belt, where she once again bit off more than she could chew. Kind of wish I could temporarily turn into a griffon like that. The mare stole a wyvern egg from its nest, yada, yada, and now we’re checking into the hotel and we’ve gained a lot of attention for 'safely' subduing a bunch of wyverns. Like those winged monsters were a real problem to begin with, took mine down with a single hard yank. Sure it was the smallest, but that was no easy feat for someone of my size. So someone had better be impressed with my raw strength! Jade was needing to eat a lot of food to build up her strength, her mom was happily cooking away in the hotels kitchen to help her daughter out and I could see the dining room from my spot in the lobby. The smell of Kuril’s cooking always attracted ponies and everything else like flies. “So you actually already have an idea of what you’re going to do for the cultural festival?” Looking over to Cheerilee, she currently seemed to be expressing disbelief. I saw that she was addressing Jade who had a happy smile on her face as she stuffed it with food, apparently she was happy with Dr. Bones’ orders to eat a big meal. After swallowing Jade addressed our teacher. “Of course Cheerilee, I’ll just do the dance of my people! It’ll be something adorable and it’ll advertise my mom’s cooking at the same time.” Why did it sound like Jade was doing something easy so that she could get the time to go to the comic convention, I admit I wanted a look into the convention myself. I am a fine connoisseur of artistic literature as Velvet would say. Well… at least up until she finds out what the artistic literature actually entailed anyway, then she’d probably spout off a bunch of derisive stuff about me not being mature. After Cheerilee was done with Jade, she turned to look in my direction and started coming towards me. That wasn’t good, I didn’t have anything! “So what are you doing for the cultural festival Arizona?” What is there to do Cheerilee? My people don’t have much of a culture to think of. We’re all mostly livestock or something approaching slaves to some ponies. “Everyone except Maries seems to have an idea of what to do to show off their personal culture, though I’m a little worried about the Vibrant Vikings. I think Fizzlepop will have the easiest time of it since her culture is simply all around us for everyone to see, except her horn. She keeps hiding it. I personally don’t think she has much to be ashamed of after she took down a wyvern and disabled the other two with her magic, though it looks to have drained her quite a bit doing just that.” “What exactly am I supposed to do Teach, Stand in a field, eat grass and maybe produce milk?” I received an upset look from Cheerilee, I wasn’t capable of producing milk and my udders were tiny as to be almost invisible. “Cows aren’t notably big on culture, have you ever seen another cow doing anything interesting like go to school before? I’m an outlier among my kind and cow culture isn’t exactly a great part of my life. Also if you haven’t noticed Teach, cows are basically second class citizens or worse compared to ponies, no respect whatsoever in the world despite being the main source of cheese.” “Now that you mention it, I guess that would be a bit of a problem for you. If you can’t find anything to do then you can just enjoy the festival.” I wasn’t about to get out of this that easy Cheerilee! “I’ll just put you as having issues with coming up with something cultural to show, given the circumstances.” Velvet had something in the form of just making ice sculptures, given she’s from a clan of ice shapers. I just needed to do something more impressive than she will! I already showed that I’m strong, but would that technically be a part of cow culture? “Oh no you don’t, I’m sure I’ll come up with something interesting!” Something more than cows being lazy, nomadic beings of the plains. Maybe a grass is greener taste testing? No that would be more of Grace’s thing. “Maybe I’ll find a cow to discuss this with during the festival. I’m also not going to do something easy like Jade will.” “Yes, but Jade has a good excuse given mercantilism is actually part of Abyssinian culture and selling food is one of the ways to be a merchant. So her dancing and singing to attract customers would count as a cultural thing.” Closing her eyes to think on it for a moment she opened them and peered into mine. “Okay, but it must not be anything bad, remember that this is in the spirit of bringing people together. Otherwise, I still want you to learn some things about other cultures while you’re here.” “Yeah, yeah, I can do that Teach, stop looking so worried.” I turned and went outside, there was Velvet making a snow cones for several fillies and colts. Ugh, her cultural project was just so easy and the way she glanced at me with a smirk, she was just clearly rubbing that fact in. I grunted and turned away as I left the hotel, I knew what room I was staying in and everything. I started walking the streets looking for something to do and I only had so many bits. I wasn’t hungry and didn’t have a clue as to where to look for entertainment, maybe down by the docks? I could go find a fight, I’ve always wanted to test that throwing a chair in a bar thing. Just got to remember to pull my hits so I don’t hurt anyone too badly. “Hey Arizona, wait up!” Why was Velvet following me? Not like I cared that fluff butt wanted to. “So where are you going?” “To find a bar and start a fight or something.” More like do something with my time while I think about what I can do that’s cultural. Velvet was a fountain of her cultural origins. “Why don’t you go somewhere else and make some reindeer chocolate?” “Reindeer chocolate? But Reindeer don’t… oh you vulgar cad!” It took Velvet long enough to realize what I was talking about. “Took you long enough.” Don’t know why I kept doing it, but I really liked making Velvet mad at me. She was cute when she was angry. “Oh go milk yourself!” Oh that was crossing a rather specific line, but let it be known to all who were watching us that Velvet had started this! “You know, that’s kind of an offensive low blow coming from a flightless reindeer with ice where her heart should be.” Yeah, this has been an ongoing thing between us and we seriously never stopped. Fighting an uppity reindeer every other day is interesting when she can match you blow for blow. “Says the cretin with tiny udders.” Velvet shot back venomously. “I’d say they’re more compact, but your one to talk tiny horns.” I made her gasp and run a hoof over her horns, she glared at me. “I’m a lady of exquisite beauty and poise you gross ruffian!” That’s when Velvet and I bumped skulls while glaring at one another. “Do you want to start something frost farts?” We were just about ready to throw down in the streets right here and now. “I just have a small condition and shouldn’t eat too many beans!” Smirking at Velvet as that wasn’t an insult, she looks like she was about to make one. “You’re all muscle, except where your brain is concerned as you’ve never exercised it before. You are so braindead, it’s quite a miracle that you’re even alive!” “Are you two going to fight or kiss?” Both of us turned to the pony who walked out of the bar, he looked like a bartender. “We could use a good dust up around here and you two seem like professionals.” “Gladly, I need to think about something. So we just throw a stool or seating implement right?” The pony nodded and moved aside. As I walked in I noticed Velvet wasn’t trailing me. I turned back to her and she looked on at me as if she were stunned, but I knew she was in the midst of mocking me. “Oh my goodness, there is actually a brain cell left in that head of yours.” Where were you going with this Velvet? “Why it must be so lonely!” “Alright what chair do you want thrown that you won’t mind missing and how much damage can we do before we’re tossed out?” I was once told by Jade to always ask a bartender or the owner of the bar about it. It was always a good idea to find out what the limits are before starting a fight. “Go nuts, I’ve been meaning to replace the seating in here for a while now and the bar could use some repairs. Repair ponies around here won’t fix anything until almost everything is trashed and the stuff here is getting on in years...” The bartender said with a bright friendly smile, right before it turned serious. “Just don’t do anything permanent, stop entirely when you think you might have broken a bone, no wielding or breaking bottles to use as a weapon, otherwise I will hold charges against you for going too far. Bar fighting should be fun, so are you making any bets on yourselves or someone else?” “Us still standing at the end of the brawl, while we’re actively focused on fighting one another and tangentially everyone else at the same time.” Why did I receive such a shocked look from Velvet? She’s good for it, I’m good for it and I can get some bits to do something interesting with. Like maybe buy that book on ‘Cowhili’ that I saw in a store in passing. “Long odds for two professionals… let’s do it then. Also note, that I will not sell either of you alcohol, salt licks or adult products.” We nodded and understood him quite clearly on that. “I however do have snacks and drinks for minors. Just to sweeten the pot, if you’re still standing by then, I’ll give you both food and drink for free. Whatever you feel like as a sweet couple.” “We’re not a couple!” Velvet stated, but for some reason I didn’t speak up against that and stayed silent. “Could have fooled me with the way you two were arguing like an old married couple.” The bartender has Velvet blushing and stammering more denials and I just rolled my eyes and stared at the bartender, he winked at me. “Nice lady friend you have there.” “Oh trust me, she is no lady. She’s the most violent beast you have yet to witness.” I picked up a bar stool between my hooves and using both my confusion and anger in how I felt about Velvet. I threw it through the roof and it sailed into the distance towards the wharf, I turned to the bartender who looked at me wide eyed. “I’m quite angry, so let’s get this started shall we?” “Yes… let’s do this thing, as you like to say.” We locked eyes and glared at one another, our fight would go down in history in this bar. A lot of rough customers got up and started towards us. They never stood a chance. -One hour later- Small spheres of ice littered the floor, a few spikes of ice were sticking out of the roof and we were still wailing on each other relentlessly while surrounded by moaning and groaning ponies. Only one pony kept coming back for more and she was the only one that was still standing, she was the toughest pony in the room that used a lot of holds and throws to give us a problem. She was also a proponent of fair play despite us taking turns kicking her butt around the room numerous times, she always gave as good as she got. “Okay Velvet, I think you’ve had enough.” I wondered how she managed to stay so pretty while covered head to tail in bruises that were all quite visible through her fur. “Don’t you mean you’ve had enough, you're hardly standing Arizona!” Yeah, Velvet had got me good several times throughout the fight. My legs were bruised, but I could still ram her into the wall one more time. “You’re both quite stubborn and beat, but so am I. Let’s give it a rest and get some free food and snacks.” The third party to our over the top violent beating of one another was being the voice of reason oddly enough. We both sighed and sat down glaring at one another with the mare between us. The bartender was staring at all three of us in shock. “Whatever they want, they’ve held up pretty well against me. Name’s Cherry Blossom.” The mare kind of looked like our teacher Cheerilee, only she had a three blossoms sticking up out of a tree shaped like a question mark. “Didn’t think Sneaky Pete would go down so early though, poor guy got buried under all those ponies.” Cherry Blossom looked towards a specific pile of ponies, she shook her head with an amused smile about something. “Okay then, what’ll you have?” The bartender asked. We quickly made our orders and I continued to look at the mare, she was awesome in that fight. She had the brawn and intelligence to match us. “So what brings you two to Manehattan, you wouldn’t happen to be wrestling fans would you?” No Cherry, but I suspected you were a wrestler because you were asking that. “No, we’re here for the cultural festival as a field trip and I was trying to figure out why my boorish bovine of a friend was so upset.” Your methods to figuring that out left something to be desired Velvet. The payoff was a good fight and a bloody nose, so I wasn’t exactly filing a complaint. “It’s just kind of hard to do something cultural, when your culture tends to be so simple.” I couldn’t help but think there was some reason Velvet didn’t immediately jump on calling me a grass muncher. She just gave me a sad or upset look. She didn’t have any right to be upset, her culture was phenomenal and so literally cool! She practically lived and breathed it with her ice magic. All I had was Grace, the airheaded weirdo that she is, who decided that we should set down roots in an out of the way town in the middle of nowhere. Now I loved Airship Mauled and couldn’t think of a better place to live, but I didn’t known an ounce of cow culture that didn’t sound ultimately boring. “Well I’m sure you two will work it out, come by Madisoat Square Garden sometime in the future and I’ll teach you some wrestling moves that could get you out of a jam.” After Cherry Blossom said we could drop in on a place she apparently frequented often, we talked for a time until Velvet said something with an odd tone. “We should do something fun together.” Didn’t we just do that Velvet?