The Prompt: An Apple Family reunion.
Mah Granny Smith always told me that ponies cain't change war, but war can sure change ponies. Ah always wondered why she said that. Ah reckoned that 'twas cause while she was a real special pony, she could also be wackier than a family'a ponies tryin' ta bean a bunch'a moles. Lil' did Ah know, she was right all along. Mah partners an' Ah learned that lesson on that fateful day; the day'f the Apple Family Reunion.
'Twas 'round six months ago, if'n Ah reckon correctly. Mah troop was stationed at the kids' table, on account'f we were younger than the adults. We were still big ponies...but that was neither here nor there. We had a good bunch'a ponies in that troop. Ah was the general'f our division, an' by default the brains'f the crew. Mah right-hoof mare an' second-in-command, Sweetie Belle, was on hand, on account'f her sister Rarity's married ta Applejack. Red an' Golden Delicious's son, Apple Seed, was the wild card. Nopony knew what ta expect'f him. Braeburn's lil' sister, Apple Cider, was our artillery expert. Filly had a mean arm on her, an' her applesauce grenades always found their mark. Then there was Sonya, mah niece an' AJ an' Rarity's daughter. She was the distraction, on account'f she was the youngest an' we all chose our roles already an' left that one fer her. Ah had the best ponies Ah could ask fer by mah side. Woulda been nice ta have Scootaloo on air support, but 'twasn't in the cards that day.
"Now listen up here, y'all," Ah said, unrollin' the map'f the room. "This here's where we are. Over there's the apple pie. Now, if'n we wanna get it b'fore the adults got a chance ta touch it, we gotta work as a team, cause we gotta pass right 'round the adult table, marked here, without gettin' noticed." The others all looked over the map, studyin' every corner'f it. Well, 'cept fer Sonya. She jus' kinda drooled.
"On mah word, we send Sonya out usin' the Mobility Encouragement Device," Ah continued. "That'll pull the attention'f AJ an' Rarity, an' that'll get Granny Smith an' Apple Strudel too, cause old ponies love foals." Ah drew the line that Sonya was gunna take, an' the others nodded. "Cider, yer gunna toss yer grenades over this way, an' ya gotta hit right over here, by Red an' Golden. That'll take 'em outta the picture, an' collateral damage'll pull Apple Crisp an' Apple Cinnamon away too, since they're flankin' the Deliciouses an' always gotta clean up messes." Cider saluted, pullin' out two applesauce grenades. She was always prepared.
"Whilst they're all busy, that's where Ah need you ta plant the mental distraction, Sweetie," Ah said, turnin' ta look at mah right-hoof mare. "Braeburn is located right here, at the corner'f the table. Yer gunna whisper ta him 'bout an arm-wrestlin' contest. With how loud that pony talks, ain't nopony not gunna hear him yell 'bout it. We know how Big Macintosh, Caramel Apple, an' Apple Cobbler cain't resist a good ol' arm wrestlin' contest, so that'll take those four outta the picture. Once we got them distracted, yer gunna swing over ta the right side'f the table, where Seed an' Ah'll be waitin'. Since Apple Brown Betty, Apple Tart, Apple Turnover, Apple Fritter, Apple Bumpkin, Red Gala, an' Baked Apple're gunna be facin' the other way an' have all these distractions ta worry 'bout, we can sneak 'round this here side'f the table undetected. From there, s'jus' a matter'f wheelin' that pie back ta the kids' table an' gatherin' the troops back up ta taste the fruit'f our labors." Ah looked 'round the table ta mah squad mates. Ah wouldn't trade a single one'f 'em fer anypony in the world. Well, mebbe Sonya. She kinda smelled.
"Oh mah sign!" Ah whispered. The others waited till Ah threw mah hoof forward. Sweetie tied the Mobility Encouragement Device ta Sonya's head, an' she was off. Danglin' a toy at the end'f a wire was a genius plan that only the brains'f the operation (Mahself, of course) coulda thought'f. Sure enough, AJ an' Rarity noticed her, an' the old ponies flocked over ta coddle her or do whatever silly snuggly things adults like ta do ta young ponies. Cider jumped inta action, hurlin' her grenades through the air. They landed right at their target, but what we didn't expect was Cider trippin' as she reached fer the next ones. The Deliciouses scooped her up as she whined 'bout her scraped knee, but other than that, everythin' was goin' accordin' ta plan, as Crisp an' Cinnamon got ta cleanin'. Sweetie went right on cue, pullin' Brae down ta her level an' bettin' him that he couldn't beat Big Macintosh in arm-wrestlin'. Sure as sugar, he was shoutin' at the top'f his lungs 'bout how he'd win with one hoof tied behind his back, which was already awful silly cause ya only need one arm fer arm-wrestlin'. Brae was a silly pony, but 'tweren't his fault. The grownups always got real loud an' silly (an' smelled'f those drinks that AJ always tells me Ah cain't drink) at these gatherin's. Cobbler an' Caramel got involved, an' the key ponies were all distracted.
Jus' as planned, Sweetie met up with Seed an' Ah, an' we were free ta head towards the dessert table unnoticed. Ah thanked Celestia fer mah amazin' partners as we headed towards our target. They say a general's only as good as her troop, an' mah troop...mah troop was good. But unpredictability struck at the worst possible moment.
"HEY EVERYPONY, WE'RE GUNNA GET THE PIE!!" Seed screamed. Every head turned in our direction.
"Now what didja go an' do that fer?!" Ah asked Seed, as the adults began to descend on us.
"WILD CARD, FILLIES!!" Seed shouted. Ah couldn't even get the chance ta yell at him b'fore we were swamped by the enemy.
We got our pie that day. We mighta had ta wait a few minutes longer, but we got our pie. It didn't come without a cost though. Cider's knee scrape took almost a whole day ta heal up. Sonya never came back ta the table; AJ strapped her inta her backpack carrier an' she passed right out. She wouldn't wake up fer a whole 10 hours. Seed suffered from post-traumatic noogie syndrome, jus' like anypony who tried ta take Uncle Apple Strudel on one-on-one. Sweetie's mane was ruthlessly ruffled, an' she'd complain 'bout how it looked like a mess throughout the whole dessert phase. An' me? Ah suffered the worst'f everypony. Mah cheeks were pinched like nothin' ya could ever b'lieve. Ta this day, Ah can still feel those pinches when Ah try ta fall asleep. Ah still hear the laughs'f the adults as they seized us one-by-one an' talked 'bout how...ugh...CUTE...we were. Ah still smell those weird adult drinks on their breath. Ah still see their silly smilin' faces when Ah close mah eyes ta go ta sleep.
War never changes. But war changes ponies. We all changed that day. We had our pie...but at what cost?