Time passed.
Time passed and I kept track of how much, to better grasp things and keep on top of my situation. Three days was how much time passed. Three days!
Twilight finished shopping me round to her friends, which didn’t take long as there were only two left. A cowboy pony and a pony that hid behind her door when we went to visit her little cottage.
I was a big fan of the hat the cowboy one had. Applejack, I think her name was. Worked on a farm that produced - funnily enough! - apples and apple-based products in abundance. I was also a fan of how straightforward she was. Applejack seemed entirely unfazed about me, taking that I was being accompanied by Twilight as sign enough that I was on the level.
We talked about apples. It got old fast, but I humoured her. At least until Twilight rescued me.
Then it was all the way way across town and out the other side and towards a big forest. I thought maybe we were going to be going into it, but we didn’t, diverting instead and ending up at the quaintest fucking cottage I could conceive of. There was even a little bridge over a babbling brook!
Fluttershy - the shy one who hid behind her door once we’d crossed the little bridge and gone and knocked - lived out here, I was told, for the quiet and also for the proximity to animals, whom she tended to.
Fair enough, I said.
And then she did the whole ‘eep’ and door hiding thing.
Okay, now, ponies are cute. I know this. Twilight is cute. Applejack and her hat are cute. Pinkie’s very cute and also kind of squishy. The ones in town are also cute! Celestia is, well, some other kind of cute I don’t want to focus on too much because it kind of confuses me.
This one though? Fluttershy? One feels she has been somehow connected to some elemental plane of cuteness and it was now flowing through raw and dangerous.
She was like Ignus if Ignus was just cute all the time and not on fire.
Wait, who? Nevermind.
The point is she was painfully fucking cute. That’s the takeaway here. She kept hiding behind her hair and averting her eyes and her fucking voice! Ye Gods!
If there was only one pony whose face I had to eat it would be her. So to speak.
Lovely lady, too. Not the most outgoing to be sure, but clearly loved what she did and was wonderfully pleasant to talk to. Even if I had to lean in to hear her half the time. She shared Rainbow’s interest in back home, though her particular questions tended more towards the fauna. Unsurprising. I did my best and she seemed plenty happy with it, though it seemed like this place had most of what we had.
That was introductions, then.
And during the evenings it was mostly just me and Twilight hanging around, shooting the shit. This was pleasant. She had a sofa and I lounged on it while she tentatively nibbled at the edges of my memory, seeing what she was able to get out of me before it all got too much.
She did pretty well, actually. When things were casual and I wasn’t trying too hard I could remember a fair amount. All of it disconnected, of course. I was like a broken trivia machine. Eiffel tower? Sure. The Supercollider? Don’t know much about it but I told her what little I did know. Getting to the moon that one time? She seemed especially impressed by that one, for whatever reasons. Masada? That kind of confused her. Confused me, too.
As ever though, all of these were entirely devoid of humans. Names I could about manage, but if I tried to pin down who the name belonged to or why I knew them I never got very far. Quickly I learnt not to bother. Just stick to stuff and things and it was all alright. Mostly, for a while.
In the midst of all this frivolity I was also introduced to the town proper, which was kind of overdue, really. That was the sort of thing that should have happened at the beginning, surely? Not the question Twilight’s judgement or anything, but once the common folk - hah - learnt about my particular circumstances they seemed a lot more relaxed about me being there.
I mean, they still stared sometimes, but more curiously now. Again, improvement! A step up!
And if I’m being completely honest with myself - which feels weird - this is probably what made the biggest difference, to me. It’s plenty easy to say that you don’t care what other people make of you, but in practise it’s kind of draining to have all the cute cartoon horses watching you like you’re about to start some shit anytime you set a foot outside.
Now when I waved, some of them waved back! Hell, some of them even smiled while they waved!
I used my newfound ability to walk around outside without feeling immensely uncomfortable to, well, walk around outside. On my own, to boot. I got a far better idea of the layout of the place and sure, I got lost a couple of times but that was part of the fun!
Twilight’s makeshift walking stick had been swapped out. The cowboy pony provided some obsolete piece of agricultural equipment that was much sturdier and about the right height to be actually useful to me, for which I was thankful.
I’d have been happier had I not needed it and for long stretches I was fairly convinced I didn’t, but then once or twice my leg would give a twinge or a twitch or would just apparently go to sleep and then having a stick that could take my weight was suddenly very useful.
Didn’t tell Twilight about those times, obviously. It wasn’t any worse than usual and if she knew she’d probably drag me back to that hospital to get prodded and tapped with a mallet again. And who needs that? It’ll all work out, I’m sure.
She told me the specialist had been informed and would be down at their earliest convenience. Ooh, spooky. Would likely turn out to be a massive anticlimax at worst or an informative episode at best. It was difficult to care as I stumped along in the sunshine, waving at ponies, being a man of leisure.
My wanderings on one of those days brought me around to Rarity’s place again, which was pretty lucky actually. I’d been meaning to gushingly lavish praise on her for the robes, seeing as it seemed a polite thing to do, so I popped in for just that.
She lapped up the praise, doing a very good job of appearing to want me to stop while also coaxing me in keeping going. I knew this game, but it was so fun watching her luxuriate in it all that I didn’t feel so bad about laying it on thick.
We then got onto the topic of actual, proper clothes. She was still firm on wanting to make some for me. I’d softened on the idea but was still a little finicky on being given so much free stuff.
Rarity countered that having only one outfit was unhygienic, and that putting one or two things together for me would hardly put a dent in her business. She regarded it as an experiment and a chance to stretch creatively.
She was very convincing. The fluttering eyelashes might have edged it out for her. Hard to say no to that. So cute. So fashionable! So generous.
This was when she took my inside leg. And outside leg, and indeed dozens of other measurements all of which seemed frightfully important. I just stood still and let it happen, as this often served me well in life.
To my immense relief she somehow already knew what trousers were. Indeed, seemed slightly insulted that I’d assumed she didn’t. Underwear seemed to be new to her though, which let me on more than I cared to know about ponies but fuckit, they’re tiny naturists what does it matter? She grasped the concept pretty quick and seemed smitten with the novelty.
So there was that to look forward to.
Fourth day was a little unusual.
Twilight wasn’t around when I got up. Without her present, Spike seemed to have decided to make the most of it was and still asleep, so I couldn’t ask him.
Figuring she probably had shit of her own to be doing - being a princess and all, right? - I decided that it wasn’t that big of a deal and, me being a big dick cool guy, I could keep myself occupied. I’d been doing it last few days after all, right?
But none of the others were around either. Pinkie and Rarity were the easy ones. Pinkie weren’t in the bakery place, and Rarity’s was all shut up and closed. First time I’d seen that happen.
They all have a day off or something?
The cowboy one and the shy one - Appledash? No, Applejack, that’s the one. And Fluttershy? Makes sense - weren’t around either, which I only learnt after schlepping all the way out to a farm and a cottage on the edge of a forest, respectively. Nice walks, yeah, but I did feel a little like an idiot for wasting my time.
Rainbow Dash I didn’t even bother about. Where was I meant to start looking? The sky? Couldn’t spot her anyway, anytime I glanced up. Clears skies all around.
What on earth could they be doing, I wondered? Group outing? They were friends. You’d think Twilight might have given me a heads up about that, though. Quite unlike her.
Should I have been worried?
Probably not.
I went back to the castle and hung around looking in rooms. This killed an hour or two, but once I lost interest I wound up in the room that me and Twilight hung around in of an evening. No idea what it was meant to be but it had a sofa and books I couldn’t read and it was better than just going to bed.
She’d left a quill lying around and I took to doodling. I couldn’t draw, but when had that ever stopped anyone?
“Heh, penis,” I said, drawing a penis. It was invigorating.
Sunlight was streaming in through one of the windows and before too long passed over me. In the warmth, I found myself thinking about Celestia again. I wondered what she was doing. I hoped she was alright.
I was still thinking about this as I dozed off.
Some time later - who knew how long? The sun had all-but gone so it must have been a while - the door banged open and I jolted upright.
Standing in the doorway was Twilight, and she looked completely wiped out. Mane a mess, eyelids drooping, swaying in place. She stared at me for a good ten seconds before actually noticing I was there.
“Hey, you alright? You look exhausted,” I said, sitting up straighter, rolling my neck. The sofa was very comfy, yes, but I had settled into the least comfy position on it to sleep, apparently.
“N’monster...friendship...long day…” Twilight said, wobbling over to me, just about managing to put one hoof in front of the other without getting tangled.
“Monster?” I asked.
“Big monster...done now…”
I was going to ask more about that, seeing as how it sounded kind of important, but Twilight wobbled forward faster and then collapsed onto me, staring snoring almost before she fell into my lap.
Took me a second to register this.
“Uh, Twilight?” I said, giving her a nudge. No response.
“Twilight?” I asked, a little louder, nudging a little louder. Frowning she groaned and proceeded to clamber further onto my lap, curling up and continuing to snore, limp wings flopping either side of her.
Whelp. Again.
I mean yeah, this was pretty great. She was warm and soft and so cute I was probably going to die on the spot, but putting all that aside it had to be a little weird, yeah? Maybe this was normal for ponies?
That said, knowing Twilight as I did - which after a handful of days I’d say was ‘reasonably well’ - I hazarded a guess that once she woke up and found herself sprawled across me she would probably be mortified. She was kind of like that, or at least this was the impression I had got of her.
Who blushed so often? It could only mean one thing! She was adorkable, that’s what, and easily-embarrassed to boot.
Picking her up would have been easy, yes, what with her being little and all but then what was I supposed to do? Take her to her room? I had no idea where that was. My room? How would that be any better than right now? If anything it would be worse!
Well, I guess I could just put her in my bed and then leave her to it. That wouldn’t be too bad, right? Or was that bad? Would that be read the wrong way? Was there a right way to read it? I had no frame of reference. I had no idea what was happening! I was paralysed by doubt and pinned by pony!
“...worse things have happened…” I said to myself, finding that I’d started idly fiddling with one of her ears and stopping myself with a curse. Twilight whined softly and kicked a little before settling down again. Guess she was dreaming.
What if I dropped her on the way to my room, hmm? Sounded like an excuse but it was an actual concern. I was hardly the steadiest on my feet these days. What if I got halfway there and then ate shit? It hardly bore thinking about!
Probably best to stay put. Safest.
Besides, she looked comfortable. And I was comfortable.
Wait. Couldn’t I just put her on the sofa next to me?
No, no. She looks far too comfortable. Don’t want to disturb her. That’d be mean. She’s had a big day! Just let her rest, yes. Not like I had anywhere to be, right?
“You’re a funny lot, you ponies,” I said quietly, running a hand over head and brushing some of the hair out of her face. She squirmed and smiled in her sleep, burbling something. I smiled too.
Probably too touchy-feely. I think they were rubbing off on me.
“You’re going to have to tell about that monster later though, you can’t just drop that on me like it’s nothing.”