Trixie rolled over in her sleep. "75 hoofsteps, dry sediment," she muttered. At once she sat bolt upright and stared across at the digital numbers on the wall opposite. It was six o'clock already. Twilight would be reprimanding her for being late for duties any second. Yawning, Trixie stumbled down the ladder, still worn from the tedium of the previous day. She blinked as Twilight's unoccupied bunk came into focus. The room was empty. "Strange". A crack of light guided her towards the half open door and out into the corridor.
Trixie yawned again. Doctor Whooves had once said something about bright lights having a stimulating effect, helping the brain to tell when it should be awake. But right now they just made her head hurt, as she slouched along the corridor, fighting the urge to collapse. Propaganda posters towered overhead. Scrawled in red spray paint underneath were the words Down with the Princess. From the end of the corridor, she heard muffled shouting. Trixie picked up the pace, her instincts kicking in from her foundation course in performance magic. She'd failed the course, but she did pick up quite a knack for overhearing gossip from her time spent in the dormitory. Rounding the corner, Trixie came to a door inscribed with the words Ministry of Friendship. She could now make out some of what was being said.
"Don't play innocent with me". Twilight slammed her hoof on the desk. "You know very well what I am talking about, and you will tell me the name of your fellow conspirator".
Derpy shrunk back in her chair, eyes squinting under the light from Twilight's horn, directed at her face. "What's a conspirator?"
"You're not fooling anyone with that act. I can see right through those eyes. You are a traitor to the crown and to the colony, and I have proof".
Twilight marched over to a projector behind Derpy and manipulated the controls. "This footage was recorded last night". The screen illuminated with an enlarged close-up of Twilight in her bunk, eyes closed, cuddling a copy of Marechiavellian Political Principles, 3rd Edition. The princess hurriedly swapped the film reels, laughing defensively. "Wrong camera".
Now an image of two shadowy figures in one of the pod's corridors appeared. "Psst," one of them was whispering.
The other looked around, checking they were alone. "What do you want? I've got cinnamon, blueberry, banana nut, cherry chip, all quality, no soggy stuff".
"No I don't want your bootleg muffins. It's about, the princess. I have, concerns".
The second mare lowered her voice even further. "You are not alone".
"There may be something we can do. If we could get her to somehow forfeit her title..."
"We should move, it's not safe to talk here. Follow me".
The two silhouettes shifted out of view.
The projector image snapped off, to be replaced by the glare of Twilight's horn once more. "It must have been you because you're the only one with access to the cargo decks, since I put you in charge of rations. Not content with abusing that position to illicitly supply, you have betrayed the colony. Now I shall give you one more opportunity to reveal the identity of the pony you were colluding with, otherwise we can move on to, other methods of persuasion".
Derpy responded with the same dumbfounded expression she'd worn so far throughout the one-sided conversation.
"Very well, you leave me no choice".
From out of nowhere Twilight produced a bubble wand.
"What are you doing?" Derpy questioned anxiously.
"Oh you'll see," Twilight laughed with a maniacal grin, raising the wand to her mouth.
Derpy gazed with wonder at the cascade of bubbles that floated above their heads, drifting down towards the desk. Then she caught sight of Twilight's small, frenzied pupils, fixed on the needle she was now levitating.
"No," Derpy gasped. She flinched as the first bubble popped.
"You will tell me".
More bubbles exploded before Derpy's eyes.
"No stop" she cried, "no more, please, I'll do anything".
"Then tell me".
The door thudded open behind them as Trixie barged in. "That's enough Twilight, you've really gone too far now. It was me, okay?"
"You?" said Twilight, caught off guard by the intrusion.
"Yes, well who else could it have been?"
"Erm, can I go now then?" said Derpy, getting up to leave.
"Yes," said Trixie.
"No," snapped Twilight.
Derpy took a seat again and stared into the bubble wand, trying to figure out where the bubbles came from.
"Listen," said Trixie, advancing on Twilight, "I know this is a difficult time for you and everything, what with all that stuff about being stuck at the end of the universe, millions of years from civilisation, with no way of ever getting back home, or being able to perform your duties as princess, or see any of your friends, and I know that gets you down a little bit sometimes".
"It used to get me down," said Twilight, squaring up to her, "you don't know anything. I used to lie awake at night trying to understand why, after everything that's happened, I'm stuck out here. But now it all makes sense. This was the role I was always destined to play in the universe, and you're trying to take it away from me".
"No, I'm not Twilight, I promise. We're just worried about you. We're trying to help".
Twilight opened her mouth to reply, then paused for a moment in thought. "They'll be a thorough investigation into this conspiracy, and the guilty parties will be brought to justice".
Before Trixie could let out another exasperated sigh, a figure burst in, fully covered from head to hoof in a yellow biohazard disaster suit.
"Now there's no need to panic," said Doctor Whooves, removing his hood.
"Nopony is panicking," replied Trixie, "is there a reason to panic?"
"I just don't want to alarm any of you".
"Why, what's wrong?"
"Nothing," he said, rubbing his neck, "well, not yet anyway".
"Doctor," Twilight groaned, "if something is wrong, we need to know".
"Well you see, I kind of mixed two chemicals I shouldn't have. By the time I realised it was too late. Derpy normally helps label them you see and..."
"So what's going to happen?"
"There's a chance, just a remote chance, things might get, a bit explodey".
Twilight fired a scrutinising stare at the Doctor. "A bit, explodey?"
"Will this effect us?" asked Trixie.
"No, not really. As long as we are not inside the pod, or within a half a mile radius of it approximately four minutes from now".
"Then we need to evacuate," cried Twilight.
"The thought did occur to me," the Doctor replied, "but I checked the scanner, in the cockpit, and it's not safe. There are toxic storms in the area".
"Oh right, yeah". Twilight paced up and down. Her eyes flinched anxiously from side to side, conflict burning behind them. At last she stopped and cleared her throat. "About that. I may have, tampered with the scanner". She muttered the last part hurriedly, lowering her head.
"You did what?" Trixie cried out.
"I fixed the display, okay," shouted Twilight, stomping her hoof, "it was so you'd all spend more time in the pod being productive, instead of lazing around out there. It was for the good of the colony".
"We don't have time for this," said the Doctor, "everypony outside, now".
The three of them sprinted for the corridor. A few moments later the Doctor returned to retrieve Derpy, still entranced by the bubble wand.
For the first ten minutes the four of them stood rigidly. Eyes glued to the pod. Not blinking. Doctor Whooves on the edge of the zone he had deemed safe from the blast wave. The others several lengths back from it, not trusting his calculations for one moment. After those ten minutes it became harder to concentrate. They discussed what the next course of action should be if the pod were to blow up, mainly for something to do. Options were limited, since in the rush to escape they had left behind all food supplies, as well as Trixie's magic cloak, which she was quick to bemoan. After another half an hour, the only consensus they could reach was that things weren't going to get explodey after all.
"Wait, I've just had a thought," snapped the Doctor with agitation. He reached into a pocket on his biohazard suit and produced something long, purple and leafy.
"I don't recall that item being declared on your rations," Twilight said sternly.
"What is it Doc?" said Derpy.
"Oh Derpy I've made a terrible mistake. I thought the danger was inside. Instead it's out here, with us".
"What do you mean?" asked Trixie.
"We don't have time for this. Everypony back inside, now".
The Doctor made a charge towards the pod, the others in close pursuit. They were so out of breath, when the airlock finally closed behind them, that it was several minutes before any of them could speak.
"You've all been, exposed to toxic fumes," gasped the Doctor, struggling out of his biohazard suit, "how are you feeling?".
"I don't understand," said Trixie, "there were no toxic fumes. I thought the display was fixed".
"Exactly".
"Oh".
An expression of realisation flashed across the faces of the others.
"Probably should have checked it was really clear?" said Trixie.
"When working with chemicals, I always carry, a stick of celery," the Doctor explained, still wheezing, "it turns purple, when there are noxious gases, in the air".
"Really, how does that work?" said Twilight.
"I don't know. I'm not a Doctor of biology".
"What are you a Doctor of?"
"Listen, this is important". The ponies' breathing rates had now almost returned to normal, all except for the Doctor's. "I have a cybernetically enhanced immune system, vastly superior, which should, protect me. But I need to know. Are you experiencing any, symptoms. They might not show right away. But they could be anything, from tiredness," he let out a big yawn, "to loss of co-ordination," his legs shook and then collapsed from beneath him, sending him tumbling to the floor.
"You need help Doc," said Derpy.
"No, I'm fine," he spluttered, "I..." He burst into a fit of coughing.
"Doctor".
The Doctor lay in a crumpled heap. "It's alright. There may be a..."
"There may be a what? A cure?"
There was no reply.
"How is he now?" asked Twilight from the doorway.
They had managed to move Doctor Whooves to the sick bay, where he now lay, still unresponsive, with Derpy in the cramped space by his bedside. Trixie turned to Twilight and shook her head.
"You're going to be alright Doctor," said Derpy, leaning over him "we'll take care of you. Please be alright".
The Doctor gave her a wink.
"It's my fault," said Twilight.
Trixie stared at her. "You know what. It is your fault".
Twilight smiled back through gritted teeth. "Oh, so now it's my fault then, is it?"
"Yes, princess".
"Don't call me princess," snapped Twilight, "I mean, do call me princess, as that's my proper title, but don't say it like that".
"Well enjoy it while it lasts. It won't be your title for much longer. If you hadn't tampered with the scanner we'd have known it wasn't safe. If you hadn't removed Derpy from her duties as the Doctor's assistant, we might not have had to evacuate in the first place. Your actions put all of us at risk. You've proven grossly irresponsible as a leader. By my rights as a citizen, under article, erm, wait I remember this, article 11, yes, article 11 of the sovereignty act, I declare you have forfeited your rulership over this colony by negligence".
"I wasn't aware you knew so much about sovereignty law".
Trixie laughed awkwardly. "Well, you know how it is. You overhear things. Bits of gossip, sovereignty laws..."
"I see how it's going to be," said Twilight lowering her head, "but as the final act of my reign, let me try out a new cure-all medicine I've been working on, which might make the Doctor better. It's the least I can do. I've been experimenting with a mixture of rubidium and dihydrogen monoxide, which I believe will..."
"What?" the Doctor cut her off, leaping out of bed, "but rubidium is an alkali metal". He ran around the room, routing behind medical equipment, then under the bed, then lifting the covers. "Where is it? Twilight, what have you done?"
"A-ha," exclaimed Twilight, levelling her hoof at Doctor Whooves. "The miracle treatment. So good it works before it has even been administered".
The Doctor turned slowly to face her, rubbing his neck anxiously. "Ah yes, it seems as though I am feeling a little better now. That'll be my superior immune system kicking in".
"Oh really?"
"I think she's onto us Doc," Derpy whispered loudly, while leaning close to the Doctor.
"You don't say," commented Trixie.
"There never was any chemical accident in the laboratory was there?" said Twilight.
The other three ponies shook their heads.
"And I suppose you reset the radar, and made sure it was really safe to evacuate?"
"Er yes, that is precisely what I did, because that would have definitely been the sensible thing to do," answered the Doctor, "but how did you figure it out?"
"Well the whole celery thing arose my suspicions for a start. I thought I could trust you Doctor," Twilight snarled, pointing an accusing hoof, "you were supposed to be my personal guard. But all of you conspired against me. This is mutiny".
Long before any of them could formulate a reply, Twilight had stormed out of the room.
"By the way, article 11 dictates the catering arrangements in the event a royal summit is postponed by bad weather," said the Doctor, "article 15 is what you were looking for".
Trixie ignored him. "I'll go talk to her".
Even window staring had lost its appeal, Twilight had to admit, gazing out at the barren land. Back in her Ponyville castle, there had always been something to look at below. The pony who used to sit by the river, deep in thought with a notepad for an hour everyday, occasionally scrawling something only to immediately tear out the page in a fury. The griffon who would stand holding up placards warning that NIGHTMARE MOON WAS A HOAX and THE PARASPRITE APOCALYPSE IS NIGH, while ponies strolled by, continuing their daily business. Twilight had grown quite adept at pony-watching in her time. She wasn't obsessive about it of course, only keeping files of observations on about a third of the local residents, if that. Since being marooned, she had tried converting to rock-watching, but found it somehow was just not as engrossing.
"It's okay, you can come in," said Twilight, spotting Trixie's reflection, standing hesitantly by the door.
"I know I haven't made a royal appointment or whatever..." she started to say, cautiously advancing.
"I'm sorry about all that" Twilight replied, "I know I went too far".
"Listen, you can keep your rulership, but I think it's only reasonable you at least apologise for... wait, what?"
"I know things got out of hoof there"
"Well yes, that's an understatement".
"It's just so hard. For the first time in months it felt like I had a purpose again, my existence had meaning. Do you know what it's like to see the same barren landscape every time I look out of this window? How do you do it Trixie? How can you be so, carefree, all the time?"
"How can you not be so carefree?" replied Trixie, "we're millions of years from civilisation here, far out in the universe. Think about it. No rules, no responsibilities. You've just got to make the most of it and take things as they come".
Twilight turned away from the window and embraced her friend. "Thank you".
"What for?"
"For helping me. I never got to say".
Was that a blush Twilight caught just for a moment? Whatever it was, Trixie quickly snapped back into her rehearsed stage manner.
"It was the least the great and powerful Trixie could do, and besides," she leaned in close to Twilight, "you were going pretty crazy".
"But how did you find out about the scanner?"
"Why I mastered how to do an invisibility spell of course," declared Trixie with a theatrical gesture, "and caught your act of sabotage".
"No really though?" laughed Twilight.
"Do you doubt Trixie?"
Twilight glared at her.
Trixie huffed. "Okay, you win, it was the Doctor and his freaky invisible ink stuff. He used it to spy on you. Most of it was his idea actually".
Twilight stepped on the podium that had been hastily erected in the midsection of the pod, with the words NEW REPUBLICAN COLONY OF EQUESTRIA chiseled into the metal. Doctor Whooves and Trixie glared at one another, punctuating their frowns with the occasional unsettling smile or demoralising smirk, while Derpy looked straight ahead obliviously, her flag held aloft, bearing the caption Let Them Eat Muffins, and an illustration of said food product.
"Before we decide our first democratically elected leader, I'd like to give an opportunity for each candidate to come forward and answer questions. Derpy, would you like to start?"
"With respect, former princess," cut in Trixie, "wouldn't it be more prudent to focus on the serious candidates, who actually have a chance of winning, like Trixie for instance".
"I think you'll find what I have to say is far more important than what you have to say," countered the Doctor.
Twilight anxiously intervened. "Well how about the two of you come up together".
Begrudgingly they made their way to the podium. Before Twilight could ask a question, the Doctor was clearing his throat.
"I stand here before you as the only candidate you can truly rely on to put my best inter- I mean your best interests first. I firmly believe the security of the colony is number one priority, and as such we must protect ourselves from any potentially hostile alien life. Some aliens, I assume, are good, but others will bring their crime, pollution and poor hygiene into this colony, which is a serious problem we cannot allow".
"This is coming from the pony who crashed this pod, irreparably damaging the time drive, and whose experiments have now directly endangered the colony on two previous occasions. Do you really want a pony like that in charge of our security, not to mention our medical care, our sanitation?"
"Because you'd be in quarantine," the Doctor retorted.
Trixie put on her best unfazed expression, though her eye twitch was hard to conceal. "There is an alternative. Vote Lunamoon, for a glorious era of great and powerful leadership".
"Thank you Trixie. If the candidates are now finished speaking..."
"I'm not finished," said Trixie.
"If the candidates are now finished speaking," Twilight repeated, you may now proceed to the polling station, which you will find in the cockpit".
The glaring match continued as one by one each of the ponies slipped behind the curtain. Once this was completed, it was Twilight's job, as the impartial fourth party, to do the counting, much to the annoyance of the others.
"What's taking so long?" said the Doctor, "there are only four of us".
"There can't afford to be any mistake," said Twilight, sifting the polling cards once more, "imagine the scandal if the results were unrepresentative".
"But you've been rechecking them for half an hour now".
"I take it you won't be demanding a recount when you lose?" Trixie teased.
"Certainly not," replied the Doctor, "I would accept defeat with dignity, not that it will be necessary".
"Okay then". Twilight stood up to podium once more. "I can now announce that first ever elected leader of New Republican Colony of Equestria will be..."
Trixie tensed her body, ready to leap up in celebration, while the Doctor cleared his throat, mentally running over the inauguration speech he'd prepared.
"Derpy Hooves, of the muffin party".
"What?!" Everypony turned to see Derpy waving her flag gleefully.