At Greta’s squawk of a dance battle, it seems as if reality itself renders and everypony in a three mile radius hears.
The front door is opened as several ponies stick their heads in. Many of them cosplayers.
“Dance Battle?”
“Dance Battle?”
“Is there a dance battle?”
“Aw sick, A.K. Yearling’s dancing with a Ahuizotl cosplayer!”
“Ooh, that food smells delightful, I’ll take an order please!”
“Me too!”
One after the other, ponies pile in and surround the makeshift dance floor that has been created and begin ordering food, much to A.K. Yearling and your confusion.
“Well that was fast,” you say as you stop mid robot.
“Eerily fast, did you plan this Ahuizotl?” A.K. accuses.
“Of course not Bruja! For if it was, I would have more of a jungle theme!”
“Dance Battles are one of the more mysterious entities of the universe, you just gotta roll with it,” Grandbuggy says as he drops to the floor in a splits before sliding back up just as fast.
“AGH! How can someone so old be so flexible?!” Blueblood shields his eyes.
“Ah heck yeah! Show him up old dude!” shouts a random pony. “By the way, I’ll take on order of that soup too.”
“R-Right away!” Saffron says with a big smile as she runs into the kitchen while her father keeps taking orders.
“What? But you shouldn’t eat this ghastly food,” Zesty starts, “I have it on good authority that,”
“Shut up skeleton! You’re ruining the music!” shouts a bystander and she is taken aback.
“Why! I never!”
“Yeah, get grooving or get the buck out!” Greta declares as she breakdances in front of the old mare who clutches her chest and falls back onto her table.
“Woohoo!” yell many in the crowd who begin taking pictures.
“No! No flash photography!” Blueblood laments. “Otherwise my aunties will see that I disobeyed them!”
This does nothing to deter the spectators who continue snapping away.
It wouldn’t even matter if there were pictures or not though…
Kichi’s Comment
Because a group of royal guards happen to be in the crowd as well.
“Well, guess that answers the mystery of where he ran off to,” says one of them with a smirk.
“And by the looks of it, he’s run his stupid gob again. At least now he’s getting his just desserts,” smiles another as Grandbuggy picks Blueblood up and spins him further onto the dance floor.
“Umm, shouldn’t we break up this commotion?” asks another guard which causes the first one to look at him with a raised brow.
“You new private?”
“Uh, yes sir,” the newbie nods.
“Well let me put you at ease. Stuff like this happens all the time like random musical numbers in the street, nobles scoffing and being annoying, and all kinds of shenanigans. Unless there’s explosions or fire then we kind of just let it ride it’s course.”
“But what about the Prince sir?” asks the newbie.
“Waaa-OOF!” Blueblood trips over his own hooves and face plants while you laugh and do a front flip over his head.
“We’ll haul him back to the castle afterwards and make a full report for the Princesses. In the mean time, let’s enjoy the moment,” says Guard number 2.
“Well said,” the leader says which causes the rookie to shrug and do as ordered.
As your audience grows and more food is passed out, you taunt Blueblood while he’s on the ground.
WARGAMES’s Comment
“Come on No Balls, I know you can do better than that!”
“That nickname is untrue! I still have one functioning testicle left!” he declares and stands back up in a huff. “Now this is getting farcical! Everypony Stop!”
As soon as he yells this, there is a lull in the music and a dark earth pony in big yellow pants jumps out of the crowd and yells
“HAMMER TIME!!!” as he starts shuffling.
“NO! Falcon Kick!” you yell as you kick the stallion in the face and send him back into the crowd.
“This is our Dance Battle!”
“Yeah! No interlopers!” Grandbuggy agrees. “Back up dancers are welcome though.”
The crowd nod and murmur at this as the music continues.
“Oi! Get back here,” Grandbuggy yells as he grabs Blueblood by the tail and drags him back onto the floor after trying to make his escape.
“Nooooo, I’ve got no moves,” he whines.
And while you chuckle at his misfortune, you look over and see that A.K. Yearling is still standing stock still as Ahuizotl dances all around her.
Kichi’s Comment
“How does it feel A.K. Yearling? To be embarrassed in front of all your adoring fans?” he asks smugly. The mare grits her teeth and looks him full in the eye.
“Of all the stupid things you’ve done Ahuizotl, this is by far the most annoying.”
“Hmmph, coming from the slanderous slop writer, that means nothing,” he says he presses her hat down over her eyes.
“OOOOOHHHH,” the crowd reacts to the scenario with enthusiasm and A.K. grits her teeth more as she pulls her hat back above her eyes.
“Ok, what’s your endgame here? What’s the purpose of this silly dancing? Is there some artifact here in the city you’re looking for?”
“Not that I know of. I was just trying to enjoy my dinner and all this happened. And even if there was, what would you even do about it? You may write about her, but you don’t even have a tenth of the skills Daring Do has.”
“What are y-Oh, right yes,” A.K. coughs into her hoof. “Clearly I don’t. Then what is it you want?”
“Oh you know what I want,” he says menacingly as he spins around and holds his tail paw, palm up, under her nose.
“You…want to kidnap me, tie me up, and use me as bait to lure Daring out?” she guesses.
“Ha! As if. As much as I’d like to see her right now, Daring is not the issue, you are!”
“Huh?”
“I want My Share!” he declares as he clasps his hand paw over and over again.
"... What?" asks the surprised writer.
“You heard me. You write all these tales about dear Daring Do, and I’m sure she gets a cut, so I want mine!”
A.K. looks around at all the crowd, who seem to be eating up the scene.
“This is so cool.”
“Do you think this is a set up for the next book?”
“I don’t know, seems too meta for my taste, implying that Ahuizotl is real.”
The ponies murmur in the crowd as others cheer for you and Grandbuggy ganging up on Blueblood.
“Why should I give you any?” A.K. demands.
“Because if you’re going to make me look like a buffoon, then the least you can do is pay me,” he says with a snort. “If you don’t give me a share then I’…”
“What? You’ll what?” A.K. asks, imagining herself in some nightmarish trap, her wings bound to her side with thick rope.
Always with the rope, even in my own imagination. Is my subconscious trying to tell me something? She wonders to herself briefly.
“I’ll sue you,” he says plainly.
“…What?!” she yelps.
“I’ll sue you for writing me as you have. Heck, I’ll make it a class action lawsuit with Caballeron and others who’ve you portrayed as fictional characters. We’re owed royalties.”
“Will you keep your voice down?!” she demands and looks back at the oblivious fans.
“Look, even if that’s true, you’re criminals! You’d never be caught dead in a court.”
“Maybe so, but with my wealth, I can afford an army of lawyers that can prove my point. You think Daring will foot the bill for you?” he smirks as he bobs his head to the music.
“H-Hey now, let’s not go throwing out the lawyer talk,” A.K. stutters nervously as she rubs the back of her neck.
“Huh, that seemed to scare her right good,” you mention as you twirl before landing on one hoof.
“And with good reason,” Grandbuggy nods as he leans forward at an unnatural angle before righting himself. “You wanna fight without throwing a punch? Ya sick the lawyers on em.”
“Very true,” Blueblood reluctantly agrees and he spastically moves. “Compared to their evil, the Hooded Offender is like unto a Breezie.”
“…OK then,” you shrug as you continue showing him up.
“Ms. Yearling?! I would be willing to help out financially if it ever comes to it in exchange for a self insert of-“
“NO SELF INSERTS!” A.K. yells back at the Prince before eyeing Ahuizotl again.
“We can talk about this in private, now can we please just end this?”
“Hmmm, maybe if you can defeat me in a dance, then perhaps I’ll consider it Bruja.”
Ello Calebero’s Comment
Narrowing her eyes, A.K. Yearling presses her eyeglasses further up her nose.
“Fine, if you insist. Just hope my fresh moves don’t take you out first!”
“Oh, that’s more like it,” Ahuizotl smirks as he begins tapping himself up onto a table where he continues his fancy foot work.
“Oh my goodness, so stylish,” Blueblood fanfillies as his favorite author and character dance together.
“Focus up No Balls, one dance fight at a time,” Grandbuggy says as he does a worm in front of him.
“So, you know Sphayniard style Ahuizotl?” A.K. grunts.
“You think I talk with this accent for fun chica?” he taunts.
“Hmmph, well try to keep up with this!”
“Oh, you want to go modern huh? Can’t beat me traditionally?” Ahuizotl mocks.
“What, are you too much of a relic to get with the times?” she taunts right back with a smirk.
“Oi! There’s nothing wrong with the classics!” you shout as you come to Ahuizotl’s defense.
“Moonwalker’s moves huh? You weren’t even alive when he was around,” she sneers.
“Yeah, we can’t all be fossils like you,” you retort.
“OOOOOHHHHH!!!” the crowd erupts at your sick burn and she grinds her teeth.
“That said,” you take your dice rolling hoof motion to grab hers, as you put a pen into it. “Can you sign this real quick?”
You then take out the stolen Pith Helmet and push it up to her, all while still dancing.
“Where did you get my-I mean, Daring’s Helmet?” she asks in befuddlement as you pull her hoof with the pen to it’s surface.
“It’s uh…just a replica. Thank you,” you say as you place it back in your bags.
“What? I…” A.K. with muscle memory signed her name as instructed. Grunting, she throws the pen away and declares,
“You thieving Rats,”
“Hrk. Dark and swanky at the same time,” you say in pain as her moves are glorious.
“Shield your eyes amiga, she’s trying to overwhelm you,” Ahuizotl warns as he covers your eyes and pulls you back, taking the full brunt of the twirls.
“Cat Bird, tag in, tag in!” you call out to Greta. Zesty Gourmand is thoroughly aghast and beaten in her chair, so Greta looks to you in your time of need and flies over.
Placing herself in front of Ahuizotl, she grimaces.
“Urgh, she’s too good. You guys get your A game ready, I’ll take the hit.”
“What? No chica!” Ahuizotl warns but it’s too late.
Tartarus Fire’s Comment
Greta begins to do the Chicken Dance. Many of the audience are flabbergasted by this move, while many others laugh. Mangle for her part tries to make it more badass than it is, but it’s a far inferior move set. Grunting through the shame and humiliation, Greta’s sacrifice has the desired effect, A.K. Yearling is caught off guard and stops her twirls.
“Are you serious with that?” she mocks as Greta falls down panting. “Did you actually think you could beat me?”
“No, but I know he could,” Greta smiles darkly and points behind A.K.
Ello Calebero’s Comment
Whipping her head around she sees Grandbuggy with a smug look while Blueblood pants on the floor with tears in his eyes.
“Mind if I cut in sweetheart?” he says with a lidded stare before he bursts forth and starts moving his body like a storm. You were decent with Michael Moonwalker moves, but Grandbuggy is a god. The crowd goes nuts and many whistles are heard. He even garners quite a few of his own back up dancers to accompany his display.
“How can you move so gracefully old timer?” she gasps as she falls to the ground besides Blueblood.
“Because I’m smooth as buck baby,” he gives her a wink, which causes her to wince.
“Gah. I’m not going down that easy,” she declares as she picks up Blueblood.
“Wah, what’s happening?” he whimpers.
“I heard you were a fan and tried to buy out the bookstore so that it was only you in line.”
“Well, I did try, but auntie wouldn’t let me and-“
“Shut up and dance and I’ll sign every piece of merch you own!”
“Deal!” he says happily as she takes him by the hooves.
“Now, follow my lead!”
“Group dancing? Oh she’s upped the ante,” Grandbuggy says wiping his brow.
“But that’s cheating isn’t it?” you ask.
“No, it’s just a power play,” Ahuizotl growls.
“Well, far be it from us to team up as well,” Grandbuggy then ushers you all forward.
“Get up soldier!” you order, pulling the panting Greta up off the ground.
“I can’t, go on without me, I’ve already embarrassed myself.”
“We never leave a bird behind!” you yell and push her forward into formation. After another music cue, you all follow Grandbuggy’s lead and start dancing in unison.
“Soooo synchronized!” Blueblood bellows and falters, ending his back up flailing. Growling, Daring Do looks to the robot fox and throws a hail mary.
“I Can Dance If I Want To!”
Mangle pauses.
“I Can Leave My Friends Behind!”
Because Your Friends Don’t Dance, and If They Don’t Dance, They’re No Friends of Mine!
“No! Not that dance! No one can resist the sweet techno goodness that is the safety dance!” Greta bemoans as the crowd starts to turn in A.K.’s favor.
“Clever girl, pulling out the big guns,” Grandbuggy pants.
“What now? How do we top that?!” you panic.
“Step back Amigos! I will finish this!” Ahuizotl says in determination as he strides forward, pushing Blueblood to the ground.
“Now what are you-Whoa!” A.K. says taken aback as Ahuizotl takes her by the hooves.
“Try to keep up,” he says as they both start doing a very fast tango. At first, they seem to keep trying to one up one another, but halfway through the dance, they appear to become in sync with one another, and you swear that both of them are enjoying it. The work like a well oiled machine, and the crowd can just not get enough.
“Wait, if they’re both doing well, who’s gonna win?” you ask hesitantly.
“Probably the one who gets seduced first,” Grandbuggy shrugs.
“And what’s that mean?” you raise a brow.
“You’ll find out when you’re older.”
“Oh Gorramnit!”
Puzzling Frost’s Comment
As the Tango reaches it’s peak, Ahuizotl takes the lead and dips Yearling in his arms, while his own face is relatively close as they stare at each other.
Ahuizotl is breathing hard, as is A.K., and you notice that her face seems a bit flush.
“Do you admit defeat?” he asks, "Or shall we go another round?"
“Ah-Ahuizotl I...I-AGH!” she cries out suddenly as her hat and glasses slide off of her head and onto the ground revealing…a familiar grey chromatic hairdo.
The crowd gasps at this and Ahuizotl’s eyes go wide.
“…Daring?” he asks in shock.
“I…uh…” she fumbles looking around at all the shocked faces, as more cameras go off.
“Oooohhh-GRAGH!” she twists out of his grip, grabs her hat and glasses, and flies out the door, leaving many stunned while the music still blares. Ahuizotl himself just has a thousand yard stare after what he witnessed.
“Huh, I always suspected Daring Do was just a self insert of herself,” one fan says aloud.
“I mean, how narcissistic can you get making yourself this great adventurer when all you do is sit and write?” says another.
“I mean, it’s kind of lame and awesome at the same time,” another exposits.
“…What are they talking about Grandbuggy?” you ask.
“They still think Daring Do’s fictional and based on Yearling’s appearance.”
“Seriously?” you deadpan.
“Gotta say, if we hadn’t met her before hand, I wouldn’t have seen that one coming,” he admits before shaking his head and pointing at the weeping Blueblood on the ground. “But we’ll worry about that later, we’ve still got a battle to win.”
“But what about Ahuizotl?” asks Greta pointing to the still as a statue cat thing.
“Lover boy’s in his own head, we can’t help him now. Let’s finish this,” you say as you, Grandbuggy and Greta face the abandoned Prince and his overwhelmed corpse friend.
In unison, all three of you open up the last of your reserves and exude pure awesomeness.
“MY EYES!!!” Blueblood cries out as his eyes literally start smoking from the awesomness of your moves. The whining Prince then proceeds to faint, right on top of the downed Gourmand who gets knocked out herself and the crowd goes nuts with confetti and air horns being blasted off and standing ovations.
You all take a bow to your audience, even Ahuizotl after he momentarily comes out of his shock.
“Thank you all, thank you,” Grandbuggy smiles. “Now, help these lovely people clean up, and get some good food in ya.”
“WWWWOOOOO!!!!” the audience cries out as…they do just that. They help push tables back into proper rows, and begin to sit down and place more orders, which Coriander and Saffron are more than ecstatic about.
“Oooooo,” Blueblood groans as his eyes blink a bit. Taking the chance, Grandbuggy walks right up to him and looks him dead in the eye.
“You just got served. Now, if you want another taste, keep acting like a jackass, I’ll come back for seconds.” The frightened prince nods in fear as Grandbuggy smirk and calls back to you all.
“Time to go.”
You, Greta and Ahuizotl nod as you all start exiting the building. As you do, you see the three royal guards that were in the crowd head over to the downed Prince.
“Alright your majesty, time to go back to your room.”
“But I never got my autograaaaphhh,” he starts sniffling.
“Uh huh, that’s interesting and stuff,” the guard says without a care in the world.
“I sure hope he gets double grounded after today,” you say as you open the front door.
“Wait!” you hear Saffron call before you all step outside. Turning around she rushes up to you all with a smile.
“Thank you all so much for all you’ve done today. After word spreads, business will boom even more so.”
“No need to thank us little lady, twas only right after all,” Grandbuggy says humbly with a tip of his hat.
“Even so…who are you four? I must know,” she says exuberantly.
“Hmm, not so big on the names after a spectacle. Let’s just call us a regular ‘ol band of Outcasts and leave it at that,” Grandbuggy smirks before turning around and leading you all away.
“Thanks for the appetizers. I know we’ll enjoy the main course your dad made us,” you wave and catch up with him.
“Sorry about the mess,” Greta apologizes and exits as well.
Ahuizotl, doesn’t say anything. He still stares straight ahead, countless thoughts on his mind as he follows.
“Thank you again Outcasts,” Saffron waves before heading back inside where many more orders are placed.
As you all walk down the street, you speak up.
“Sooo, what’s our next move after that? We still haven’t eaten the food we ordered.”
“Ah, don’t worry about that, I got a nice quiet peaceful place here in the city where we can relax.”
“Wait, really? You own a place here in Canterlot?” Greta asks impressed.
“In a manner of speaking yes,” Grandbuggy says vaguely.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” you ask.
A FEW HOURS LATER
You all are currently sitting in a crystalline cavern under the city of Canterlot on old pieces of furniture as you eat your meals.
“I should have guessed it would be something like this,” Greta sighs.
“Eh, property’s property. I’ve technically had this cave system long before even the Princesses were born,” Grandbuggy points out as he chows down on the wonderful, delicious meal.
“How? You’re not a dragon or alicorn, how can you possibly be that old?” Greta squawks.
“Time Travel,” Grandbuggy says simply.
“…What?” Greta says confused, but Grandbuggy offers no other explanation which frustrates her.
“Well it is kind of nice with the crystals and everything,” you say as you finish your heavenly meal, albeit a bit cold. “But…aren’t these the caves where Cousin Cadence was held prisoner when Daddy met her?”
“Cousin Cadence? What?” Greta bawks, but you both ignore her confusion.
“Yes and no,” Grandbuggy shrugs. “This little cavern here is all mine, any other cave path I haven’t really explored.”
You let that sink in as you look at the many different dark tunnels branching off from where you’re all sitting.
“Wow. To think, this is where it all started for Daddy. And I was born, what, a couple weeks later?”
“Sounds about right,” Grandbuggy nods.
“Wait wait wait, you’re all talking about the Changeling Invasion that happened almost four years ago right?” Greta says resting a talon on her temple.
“Darn tootin,” Grandbuggy nods.
“But…that doesn’t make sense, how could you have only been born a few weeks after that? How old are you?”
“Uh…you don’t ask a girl her age, that’s rude,” you respond.
“Oh bullspit, that’s only when a guy asks. Seriously kid, how old are you?”
“I’m…well…Oh look, there’s Ahuizotl returning, let’s focus on that instead,” you dodge the question as he comes back in after scoping out the city above.
“Oh come on, what aren't you guys telling m-“
“So, Ahuizotl, anything interesting happen? You find Daring Do again?” And as Greta groans from being ignored, Ahuizotl sighs and sits down on a rotten sofa across from you.
“No…No I didn’t find her again. She took off it seems,” he says as he puts an evening newspaper on the three legged coffee table between you.
The front page is one of the many pictures snapped during the Dance Battle. Specifically, the one of Daring Do without her hat and glasses in the dipped pose in Ahuizotl’s arms.
The headline reads,
Daring Do and the Saucy Publicity Stunt.
The article then goes on to say how A.K. Yearling seems to have made a great advertisement by organizing a dance battle with an unnamed Ahuizotl cosplayer that garnered fans’ attention, before canceling her scheduled book signing, probably to garner more media attention. The writer then theorizes that A.K. Yearling is finally admitting that Daring Do is somewhat of a self insert due to her color scheme and perhaps that the ending tango with the cosplayer is foreshadowing for romance elements in her next book, which will have Ahuizotl in it. There are then many quotes from random fans known as shippers who seem to rejoice at this news, and yet others that condemn it. At the end of the article, it adds that the dance battle occurred in a new up and coming restaurant called The Tasty Treat that seems to have blown up in popularity overnight, and that the other dancers involved were an old stallion, young earth pony filly and a female griffon who went by the moniker, The Outcasts, which is probably the name of their dance troupe.
“Oooh, The Outcasts,” you say in wonder. “That’s actually pretty cool and catchy.”
“Mmhmm, sure is,” Ahuizotl says slumping his shoulders.
“What’s wrong Ahz?” Grandbuggy asks. “You bummed she skipped town on you?”
“Yeah, a little,” he nods sadly. “I just…I just can’t believe that all this time, Daring Do and A.K. Yearling were the same pony.”
“I know, right? My mind got blown when I saw that. A lot of stupid ponies still think she’s just a “Self Insert” or whatever though,” you point out.
“Oh I don’t care what the others think, I just…I thought Daring and I had an understanding of being Arch Nemeses. I thought she respected my character, but now I find out it was her this whole time writing lies about me…”
You look nervously at Grandbuggy and Greta over how sad Ahuizotl is, though from their expressions, they don’t really know how to help either.
“Uhhh…I mean, look on the bright side, she uh…she seemed to enjoy that last dance you had,” you chuckle nervously trying to cheer him up.
This only causes him to sigh once more and lean back in rotten chair.
“I thought I knew her…”
Rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly, Grandbuggy just pats him on the shoulder a few times. Avoiding the awkwardness herself, Greta picks up the paper and reads more.
“That’s weird, there’s no mention of Prince Douchebag in the article.”
“I know right? All the pictures they used didn’t have him or that corpse lady either,” you nod.
“Hmmph, figures,” Grandbuggy rolls his eyes. “Though maybe you won’t find them on the front page,” he insinuates.
Opening the paper more, you find two smaller articles. One is of how Zesty Gourmand is retiring early due to unexplained reasons...
WARGAMES’ Comment
And the other is for a new job opening in the palace for a Royal Dance Tutor.
“Seriously? After that thrashing today, he still thinks he can improve those poor moves?” Greta grumbles.
“Heh, what do you know, the jackass actually took my advice,” Grandbuggy says impressed.
“Ugh, is it too much to hope that he gives up being a Prince and just becomes a professional dancer?” you roll your eyes.
“Yeah, but one can only hope Shade,” Grandbuggy chuckles. “Even if it’s not publicized, justice has been served this day.”
“Not to mention the ugly truth,” Ahuizotl grimaces causing you all to bite your lips again.
“Yeesh, talk about a Debbie Downer,” you mutter before coughing into your hoof and addressing Grandbuggy. “So, what’s next? We hang out here then what?”
“Hmmm,” he ponders for a moment. “Well, we can either catch a night train towards our next stop in Rainbow Falls, or we can catch one in the morning if you still want to visit somepony.”
Your eyes widen at that.
“Visit Trixie? This late?”
Grandbuggy just shrugs, “Why not? Besides, after hours in hospitals give you more privacy. It’s all up to you at this point. So, what’s the plan?”
As he says that, you begin to sweat a little seeing as how the decision making is now on your shoulders.
Dang it old bug, putting me on the spot like this. Ugh! OK, so we can either skip town tonight, or visit Trixie…Ohhh, what do I do?
Good Question, What Do You Do?
