Boston, Massachusetts
Local bar, 6 p.m. EST
Dr. Frasier Crane thought something seemed a bit off as he entered Cheers. It was a dreary winter day, seemed a bit colder than normal, like rain was on the way. Or maybe it was his pending divorce with Lilith. He pushed the thoughts and concern out of his mind, planning on ordering a drink that would keep them down for at least the rest of the day.
His shoes creaked across the floor as he descended the short, hallowed steps. "Sam? Woody? You there?" he asked. He just now noticed the lights in the bar were mostly off, only the lights from the back room were on, casting the room in an eerie shadow.
He leaned to look around the bar. "Sam? Rebecca?" No one answered. "Carla? Cliff? Anybody?"
Dr. Crane was a psychologist but more than that, he was a pragmatist. Viewing the situation, his first conclusion was that this was a surprise for someone. It wasn't his birthday, and why would they do that anyway? Well, why would they do that twice? In the same month. For the same two people. Yeah, Cheers was a bit silly. But something was off here.
"The door was open. Now, what is this?" he asked in his trademark tone of exasperation. He spun around. "Where is everybody?!"
The lights at the bar suddenly turned on. Sam Malone, retired baseball player and owner of Cheers, was rubbing the already-shiny bar counter with a cloth. "Oh, hey Fras."
"Sam! Oh, thank heavens," Frasier said, hand over his chest. "For a moment, I thought the place had been robbed."
"Nah, it's fine. Power's acting weird. Siddown, lemme get ya a drink."
Frasier leaned over. "If you're trying to duck from Rebecca again, I can drink it quietly."
"It's alright, thanks," Sam batted away the offer. "She's a little tied up at the moment, she'll be along shortly." He brought out a bottle from under the counter and poured Frasier a shot of dark liquid.
"Oooh, the good stuff." He took the shot glass and examined it.
Sam smiled. "Ah Frasier, for you, the best stuff." He clinked the base of the bottle to Frasier's glass, a toast between buddies.
Frasier took a sip. "Mmm, sweet." He was about to ask what it was, when suddenly he felt like he tasted something else odd on his tongue. He was trying to decipher the rogue flavor when very quickly, he found he could not feel his face. Frasier's forehead suddenly felt very heavy, his eyeballs rolled up and the psychiatrist slumped forward and passed out. His glass spilled over and 'Sam' cleaned it with his rag, smiling. The lights in the bar turned off again.
When Frasier woke up, he found himself tied to one of the bar stools. Next to him, also bound to stools, were Norm, Cliffy, Rebecca, Sam, and everybody else from the show.
"What... what's going on?" He struggled against the restraints. "What is the meaning of this?!"
"Hey Fras."
"Hey Frasier."
"Heya, Dr. Crane."
"Hey doc."
"Yes yes, hello, everyone can anyone tell me what it is we're doing here? And who in the hell did this TO us?"
"Well, hello to you too, Dr. Crane," Rice said. He appeared from the opposite side of the room twirling a remote. "I have to say, psychiatry isn't my preferred field of study but I'd love to compare notes with you. After I'm done experimenting on you."
"I... I've... uh..."
Lilith, Frasier's now ex-wife, sighed. "If you wanted to talk to a decent psychiatrist, I'd recommend someone other than Fras."
"Really, Lilith? Now?"
"Yeah guys, don't get me wrong," Cliffy said, "but I don't think a hostage situation is the best time for marriage counseling."
"Indeed, Cliff," Rice interjected. He grinned maniacally and rolled down a projector screen. "For I have something far more captivating for your enjoyment today." Giggling to himself, the fiendish scientist quickly set up a movie projector, coincidentally the same type as those from low-budget airline flights. The kind Dan could afford.
"Oh boy," Sam swallowed, "this isn't going to be like psychological torture, is it? Because if so, I'd like to be drunk first."
"You're not going to make us watch our own embarrassing home movies are you?" Cliffy asked.
"What? No," Rice said.
"Ah, good," Cliff said, momentarily relieved. "They're not your embarrassing home movies, are they?"
"Quiet!" Rice spun around. "No no no, my dear collection of famous sitcom characters. Today, your daily routines which oddly enough revolve around the same iconic lower-class, mediocre Boston tavern will take on a new purpose. You won't be casually discussing your problems and relating to each other in a friendly manner despite the rich dichotomy of your backgrounds, uniting each other through empathy and compassion to paint a vibrant and lasting picture of the human condition and friendship today. No, you're all going to be involved in my plans to get revenge on Dan by hijacking the intro to his show!!"
"Is marriage counseling still on the table?" Dr. Crane asked.
"And do we have to be sober for this?" Sam followed up.
"Hahaha, oh, Ted Danson," Rice said, ruffling the actor's hair. "You're far too likable a personality to be involved with something like this."
"I dunno, he was on Tim and Eric."
"Just relax," Rice said calmly, "and let me irritate an aggressive, sociopathic man whom none of you have even met."
"Is it Woody Harrelson?" Woody asked.
"Heheheh," Rice chuckled at the idiot. "And people wonder why this show was canceled." Rice turned back to the screen and switched on the projector.
As the show started, they all settled into position to watch against their will.
"Also," Frasier said, as if to continue the conversation they were about to have, or had already had, "I'm moving back to Seattle."
"Oh yeah, like that'll work out, Frasier," Lilith remarked.
Dr. Crane thought about that for a moment. "Hmm." He decided it wasn't a bad idea after all.
Equestria
"What? What is this? Where am I?!" Dan woke up. He hadn't remembered falling asleep, so why was he waking up? He remembered the battle, the Rice Grip, everyone around him and... the flash. Rice snapped his fingers and... then, there was nothing. Dan couldn't remember anything else.
He was at the bottom of a spiral staircase made of stone. In fact, everything around him was made of stone- he was in some kind of cellar or something. "Hello? TWILIGHT! CHRYS?!" He looked around for his friends. "NICKY?!?!" His voice echoed off the walls, but there was no answer.
Dan suddenly started shivering. It was cold, wherever he was. Too cold to stand around contemplating it. He climbed the staircase, heading up into the pale light filtering in from above.
When he reached the top, he realized where he was- the Chamber of the Elements. Almost all of the cake pile was gone; only scraps of old, dry pastries stained the corners of the room. Someone had rebuilt it, somehow, and added steel doors in front instead of the wooden ones.
Dan opened the door to the courtyard. The reason for the cold was evident all around him- it was snowing. Flakes of it descended softly and covered the ground and ruins. The temperature was freezing. What could have caused this? It was barely into fall when they'd arrived at the castle.
"H-hell-ooooooo?" Dan called out. No answer. The snow swallowed up the sound of his voice, only the light softness of the wind blew to break what would otherwise be a silent landscape. The sky was dark, snow was covering the trees and castle ruins. He couldn't tell whether it was day or night.
An aurora covered the sky, but it was more jagged than wavy. It seemed to twist, bend and fade, like it was unstable. Far above the aurora, other colors could be seen, but Dan did not look for very long as he trudged through the snow. He had to get somewhere warm and fast.
He entered the castle. The ceiling was gone and the floor was covered in snow, but even it looked like it had been rebuilt at least partly. Banners Dan didn't recognize hung in place of the others and a new throne was in the place the original two had been. Obviously it had been occupied recently, but by who? He didn't stick around to find out, walking quickly through the throne room and out the oddly-redone entrance.
Outside was more snow. The airships and camp that the ponies and griffons and Dan's other friends had set up was gone. However, there was something new- starships. The small fighter craft Barro preferred were scattered about the castle grounds. Y-Wings, at least three of them, all shot down. A fourth one was lodged high in the side of the castle's remaining wall. Not an unfamiliar sight; in fact, Dan strangely recalled a similar situation in the Mirror Universe. Except it had been the Mirror Sand Castle and it was surrounded by fire, not ice and snow.
"Is anybody here?!" Dan yelled as loud as he could. Again, no answer. The cold was starting to get to his voice and the snow was still falling, slowly. He had to get to some place warm.
Dan hustled to one of the downed Y-Wings. It was half-buried in the snow and on its side, the pilot had likely tried to evade when he was clipped on the belly. Dan looked into the cockpit. It was already pretty full of snow, indicating it had been there for a while, more than a few days. The canopy was gone and the pilot's chair was missing- whoever they were, they had ejected before the crash.
Cold was filling his body up to the middle of his chest. All the trees in the Everfree Forest had lost their leaves. Would this be his fate? Freeze to death alone? His lungs felt like ice. Teeth were chattering now, too cold to yell. He thought about trying to use the fuselage as shelter, but the metal was cold as ice. He was already starting to feel frostbite.
And then, he looked over and he saw it. Squinting into the distance, he saw the Golden Oaks Library right where they'd left it.
"Oh thank squeeing squee." He sprinted to the treehouse with all his might, with all the energy he had, with every happy thought in his heart carrying him.
He grabbed the door and the door handle, so thankful that it wasn't a mirage. He opened the door and entered, shut it behind him.
"Heh-hehh-heh... hellloooouhh?" Dan called. The treehouse was empty, though. All the lights were off. It was also cold in here, but thankfully, not quite freezing like it was outside. Quickly, he bundled himself up with extra clothes and blankets that he could find. The Golden Oaks was mysteriously exactly how they left it, but no power.
Fire. He needed a fire or something, something to warm up the house. The fireplace was empty, though but this was a library. He could burn the books... or, there was the security system. Even though parts of it were metal and other materials, the majority of it including the hatches were all wood and not actually part of the library itself.
It was a difficult decision, but he took apart the security system and burned it. The process took a couple hours. By that time, Dan took stock of what food and water he had, bundled himself up with some heavier clothes and tried to figure out what to do next.
No Twilight, no Spike, no Chrys. He looked up. The ceiling was bare of any Fluffle Puffs. He half-expected to see Phoenix or Gary Busey appear after he opened and shut a door twice, considering the possibility of randomness bringing one of his friends back to him. But there was no one.
Fortunately, Dan did have plenty of reading material. It just so happened one book detailed the construction of the Y-Wing and similar space fighters. Thank goodness Twilight and the others were that big of a bunch of nerds that they kept sci-fi material handy. Venturing out into the snow, Dan made several trips but stripped the crashed Y-Wings of anything salvageable and eventually, was able to jury-rig the emergency generator for the house. He had heat and light.
After his last trip, he found something followed him back through the snow.
"Huh?" He looked down. A rare land lobster sniffed at one of his shoes. It looked cold. "Well, hello there. What's wrong, little buddy? You cold?" He knelt down to it, posing the question. The lobster chittered and lightly tapped its claw to his shoe.
"Ah, you just want to get warm. Alright, come on in." He opened the door for the creature. "I guess I could go for boiled lobster if I ran out of food." The lobster stood in front of the open doorway. "I was joking." The lobster then scurried inside and Dan closed the door behind it.
"Alright, I guess you're probably hungry." Dan went to the kitchen and perused what was still good. Fortunately, being the planner he was, the Golden Oaks was incredibly well-stocked with canned food. The lobster situated itself on the couch. "What do you think? Chicken noodle?"
The lobster made no noise whatsoever.
"Yeah, that's a little bland to start out with. How about some mac'n chili?" Again, the lobster made absolutely no noise. "Yeah, me too. Let's heat it up," Dan said, smiling.
Dan curled up with a bowl of chili mac, a type of chili which included macaroni noodles, and wrapped himself in a blanket. He did the same for the lobster, which picked at the chili and somehow was able to eat some of it.
"I wonder what's on." Dan turned on the t.v. The droning beep of no broadcast filled the screen, accompanied by the colored bars and the words NO SIGNAL in the center. Flipping the channels showed the same result. "Looks like they're having problems, too," Dan said.
"Hmmm..." Dan thought. "I know!" He dusted off an old VCR and plugged it in. He popped in a VHS tape and sat down to watch a movie with his new friend. "There we go. That's just what we needed, right?" The lobster chittered. "I thought so, too."
They ate their chili and the lobster apparently was still a bit cold. It made its way across the couch and curled up in Dan's lap. He stroked it while watching a movie.
"I guess you need a name, don't you, little guy?" Dan said, looking down at his new friend. "I'm gonna call you... Missus Clicky. How's that sound?"
Click-click.
"Aw, thanks. It just came to me. Anyway, I'm Dan. It's nice to meet you, too."
Click-click.
That night, Dan fell asleep in his own bed with Missus Clicky, which was in fact a male lobster. What Dan did not know was that Missus Clicky's real name was actually Rudy, a rare Siberian burrowing sand lobster and Barro's pet. What it was doing there was anyone's guess.
The burrowing lobster was a sub-breed of land lobster separate from other Equestrian crusterrrans that shared nearly identical physiology to their sea-dwelling cousins on Earth. Burrowing lobsters lived in warrens near trees and dug holes near the bases of trees, eating excess roots. It was one of the reasons why trees in Equestria didn't get overgrown, as burrowing lobsters only at the excess roots, ensuring that the tree remained healthy but didn't get too big.
The Siberian burrowing sand lobster was native to the Equestrian Saberia, but was called Siberian because it was basically the same as eastern Russia. Uniquely adapted to colder climates, it was fortunate for Dan to meet Rudy/Missus Clicky, even though the temperature was a bit too cold even for him.
A couple days passed and Dan had found none of his other friends. With Missus Clicky, he sat down at the table in the kitchen and began formulating a new plan. The next day, he would put it into action.