Epic Unicorn History: The Beards of Harmony
by Present Perfect
Epic Magic
Their little company had come a long way, Star Swirl mused as they trudged through the Forest Ever Free. When they had begun this journey, they'd been a band of complete strangers, personalities in conflict more often than not. They'd stood together in the face of shared danger, to be sure, against poisonous plants and identity-stealing shapeshifters, but left to their own devices, they should have by all rights gone their separate ways by now. One of them nearly had.
"Yet just look at us," he whispered to himself.
Pinkbeard hopped along with a gay song at his lips as they made their way toward the castle wherein lay Equestria's supposed salvation. Rainbowbeard, long the biggest thorn in their collective sides, was now as fast a friend as any of them could want, trading jibes and raunchy jokes with Applebeard. Even Hushbeard was smiling, his hermitic ways no longer keeping him separate from other ponies.
"Like six peas in a hoofbasket." Star Swirl smiled, flushed with pride.
Though not all were in such high spirits.
Prancebeard, normally so concerned with appearances, had been dour, outright sullen, since the fight with King Carapace. His hoofs dragged along the dirt; his head hung low; his mane lay limp and lifeless, and his armor hadn't been polished that morning. Inquiries as to his well-being had been brushed aside with hollow pleasantries.
Star Swirl sighed, took another glance at the other four, and dropped back to match pace with the younger unicorn.
"'Tis not right," he said softly, "that you should be downtrodden when the others are joyous."
Prancebeard grunted but said nothing.
"Deny it if you will, but your ailment is plain. Tell me your troubles, friend Prancebeard."
A shrug was all he received in return.
"Are you embarrassed to have fainted upon hearing the Ursa Major's name spoken?" Star Swirl allowed himself a tiny grin.
Prancebeard snorted.
"Ah, no, of course not," said Star Swirl, unsurprised the joke had missed its target. "Prancebeard the Dashing is too confident a pony to worry over so miniscule a gaffe." He stroked his beard, watching Prancebeard stagger along the path.
Prancebeard stopped walking, as did Star Swirl a pace later. Eyes tight shut, sides quivering, Prancebeard sank to his haunches and said in a low, mournful voice, "The King..."
Star Swirl glanced at the others, quickly disappearing around a bend. He placed a hoof on Prancebeard's shoulder, drawing him into a light embrace as he began to weep.
"You hadn't meant to slay him." It wasn't a question so much as an acknowledgment of reality. "I suspect knowing that he would have had to die one way or another, that he would not listen to reason no matter what we said, won't make you feel better."
Prancebeard shook his head.
"Not even the thought of all the other monsters we've slain on this journey?"
Pulling back, Prancebeard wiped at his face with magic. "N-none of them had daughters to cry over their bodies."
Star Swirl sat back as Prancebeard tried desperately to pull himself together with an array of stylish hoofkerchiefs.
Taking a deep breath, Prancebeard finally said, "I envy you, Star Swirl the Bearded."
Star Swirl's brow knitted. "How so?"
"Ponies speak all the time of the victories you've claimed, the foes you slew." Prancebeard sucked in a deep breath and gave a short, mirthless laugh. "The pony who faced down the demon horse what's-his-name! Who fought Grogar on the shores of something or other!" He wrung his kerchief out and gave Star Swirl an unfathomable look.
"Do you know my cutie mark is a jewelled helm? That its plume matches my mane? I became an armorer to help protect ponies. For I am no warrior." He sniffed and looked at the ground. "Would that I had such stomach, to face down an enemy so great and kill him in the name of all that is right and good."
Star Swirl stroked his beard. "I've made mistakes of my own, you know. They aren't sung of, the way victories are. Nor do the tales spend time regaling how difficult victory can be to achieve. Ponies will remember you for the good you did, when this is all over. They'll likely never learn of moments like this."
Prancebeard gave another half-laugh. "I suppose they'll have to call me Prancebeard the Kingslayer now, right? Won't that be... memorable?"
"What is it that truly bothers you, Prancebeard?"
Star Swirl stared at Prancebeard until his gaze was met. They locked eyes for a long moment, then Prancebeard looked away.
"Seeing that little queen," Prancebeard said quietly. "That little changeling who, until that moment, had been a princess, with nary a care in the world. Seeing her, after all the discussion of Rainbowbeard and Hushbeard's past, I..."
His face threatened to crumple in on itself as tears leaked from the corners of his eyes. "I thought about my family. My younger brother, my parents. What will they do if I don't make it home?" He grit his teeth. "What are they doing now, with that shadowy beast running amok in Equestria?"
Star Swirl once more placed an arm around Prancebeard's shoulders. "Come, Prancebeard, let's have no more tears. Chin up, there's a good lad." He smiled.
"Those fearful thoughts, keep them close to your heart. When things look bleak, as I'm sure they will, use that worry and fear to drive you forward into great feats of valor, greater even than stopping a changeling invasion. Remember your brother, your mother and father, when you need strength. Then conquer the obstacle before you."
He thumped Prancebeard in the chest. The other unicorn rocked back on his haunches.
"You have the power to make that worry ultimately for naught." Star Swirl's eyes flashed, and he grinned as Prancebeard caught on to his enthusiasm. "It matters not whether you are a slayer of kings, a dashing armorer, or just Prancebeard the pony, the brother and son. It is well and good to be frightened, so long as you use that fear to move forward, to ensure that you return to them a hero, and not merely a legend sung by bards. The memory of killing Carapace will never leave you, Prancebeard, but you have the power to decide what you do with that memory."
Prancebeard swallowed. He turned his head to the canopy of trees, and for a long while, they both sat there, saying nothing. In time, bird flew overhead, and that seemed to rouse Prancebeard from his stupor.
"I'm a mess," he said with a light chuckle, smoothing his mane back and shaking out his armor. He stood, face filled with newfound determination. "Come, Star Swirl, the others will be wondering what's happened to us."
Star Swirl nodded and rose, and they galloped off down the trail.
"Horsefeathers and thunderation, not this again!"
It hadn't taken them long to catch up with the others. The moment Star Swirl saw the four of them, suspended in swinging cocoons from the treetops, his blood began to boil.
"Two more tasty morsels join us!"
The thick, heavy voice seemed to come from everywhere at once. With a yelp, Prancebeard was caught up in a thick strand of spider silk and dragged, struggling futilely, into the air.
"Oh, this is most unbecommmfffng!" he shouted as the strands wove over his mouth.
Scowling fit to wilt nearby foliage, Star Swirl conjured a whip made of fire. As more silken threads shot from the shadows, the whip struck out, burning them to cinders with a thought. Not a one could touch him.
"Show yourself, you confounded beast! I'll give you a good lashing!"
There was a hiss like the rustle of gargantuan leaves. A tremendous spider, its legs thick around as a pony, emerged from the shadows before him. Eight enormous eyes regarded Star Swirl from above a maw of slavering fangs dripping with poison.
"You dare issue challenge in the domain of Ahgg the Spider King?" The spider's voice rebounded off the trees, buffeting Star Swirl.
"Aye, I have!" Star Swirl shouted back. "We've beaten a bunch of giant confounded spiders already. Beating you will be no task!"
Ahgg hissed. "So it was you who slew my children! I shall make you pay for your transgressions in blood!" From the treetops came more rustling as a half-dozen slightly smaller spiders made themselves known.
Star Swirl rolled his eyes. "Look, all right, on second thought, can we just not do this?" His fire whip fizzled out. "You'll attack us, we'll defend ourselves, it'll be a big mess and you'll probably die, and we're honestly in a bit of a hurry. So if you'd kindly just let my friends go, we'll be on our way."
The spider king laughed. "Cowardly words, pony! Why should I let your friends go?"
"Well, we got rid of the changelings, so you and whatever children of yours remain can return to your real homes at long last!"
The spiders chittered in the treetops. Ahgg seemed taken aback. "How do you know this isn't our real home? You are in the domain of Ahgg, the Spider King!"
Star Swirl waved a hoof at the trees. "For one, I don't see a bloody great network of spider webs woven over decades, or however long it is you giant spiders live." He snorted. "Look, Ahg..."
The spider king frowned. "It's 'Ahgg'."
Star Swirl cocked his head. "Agh?"
"Ahgg!"
"Ach!" shouted Applebeard unhelpfully from above.
"No, no," said Hushbeard, "'tis more from the back of the throat. Ahhghg!"
"Argh!" said Rainbowbeard.
"Mmnf!" said Prancebeard.
"No," said Ahgg, "it's Ahgg!"
"Listen, Your Majesty," Star Swirl continued, sighing, "when you get to be my age, and when you've fought as many foes as I have, there comes a time when more fighting just isn't worth it. It's tiresome. It leads all involved to wrack and ruin. And for what? So if you'd kindly head back to wherever it is you once came from, we can all go about our business without any needless bloodshed."
The spiders' chittering grew in intensity, and Ahgg seemed concerned. Or possibly constipated. Star Swirl was no expert in reading spider body language.
"Erm," said Ahgg at length, "are you sure you don't want to fight? I'm not sure I believe you about the whole changeling thing."
Star Swirl shook his head.
"Not even a little fighting?"
Star Swirl snorted. "No!"
Ahgg tapped his mandibles thoughtfully with one of his front legs. "What if I told you there was a dark force within me, forcing me to fight you?" He raised two legs threateningly. "What would you do then?"
Star Swirl gave him a flat look. "Is there a dark force within you forcing you to fight us?"
Ahgg nodded, or rather he bobbed the entire front half of his body up and down.
Rolling his eyes, Star Swirl huffed. "Just give me a moment, will you?"
Dozens upon dozens of eyes watched as he slowly meandered in a circle, dragging one forehoof behind him and mumbling to himself. When he had traced a line in the dirt of the forest floor, he lit his horn.
"Is this force cthonic, umbral, oneiric, or extradimensional?"
"Uh..." Ahgg tapped his legs together. "Umbral, I believe."
Blowing a breath out through his lips, Star Swirl released the spell. The circle was filled with a seven-pointed star inscribed with intricate and complex runes. "Foal's play. All right, send it out."
The spider king seemed at a loss for a second. Then his body shuddered, and he loosed a scream. The scream took physical shape, melting from the spider's form into a huge shadow that burned with chilled fire. The shadow turned two blazing blue eyes on Star Swirl and spoke in a voice older and colder than the dark vastness of space.
YOU DARE INVOKE THE WRATH OF THE--
"No," Star Swirl said. His horn lit again, and the pattern he had carved in the dirt flared with red light. "In you go now."
WHAT? the shadow hissed. WAIT, STOP!
The forest was lit by a brilliant shaft of blinding red light, at the center of which was a mirror-like portal. The shadow clawed futilely at the ground as the portal sucked it in.
I HAD A WHOLE SPEECH PREPARED! I'D BEEN WORKING ON IT FOR CENTURIES!
"Save it for next time!"
I WILL HAVE MY RE--
The moment the shadow was fully engulfed, the light vanished. The mirror portal hung in the air for a second afterward, shattering into innumerable pieces and dissipating into the ether.
Star Swirl humphed. "You're somepony else's problem now."
As his friends cheered above, he walked over to Ahgg, who had gone comatose during the display, and rapped lightly on his head. "Wake up, Your Spideriness! The dark force is all gone!"
Ahgg blinked all eight eyes, then put a leg against his head. "Oh me, oh my! I feel so much better now!" He regarded Star Swirl, and patted him on the head gently. "Thank you, pony, for freeing me! I'd been fighting with that thing for simply ages! I am forever in your debt!"
He waved a leg, and the smaller spiders moved cut the ponies down. They even carried them down the tree trunks, to deposit them gently on the ground.
"If there is any way I can repay you ponies," Ahgg continued, "name it!"
Star Swirl supervised the release of his friends, smiling at their cheers and hearty claps on the back. When they were all freed, he turned at last to the Spider King.
"Well," he said slowly, "we are trying to find a castle..."
The castle was impossibly ancient.
It rose ten stories above the forest floor. The topmost spires had no roofs and few sides to speak of. Every stone bore at least one noticeable crack; most were covered in moss and ivy. Walls had crumbled everywhere, blocks spilling into and out of the castle at random.
"It must be older 'n anythin' ponykind e'er made," Applebeard said in an awed hush.
"Aye," said Rainbowbeard, "and we'd best be on our guard for ancient traps."
"Or regular old crumbled floors," Prancebeard added. He sneered. "To say nothing of the dust!"
"Carefully, then, fellows," said Star Swirl, leading them into the castle.
The inside had fared no better than the outside. The floors were strewn with holes, not all of them obvious. The tapestries were little more than a memory, and there were no wooden fixtures to speak of. Little spits of rust on the walls marked where sconces hadn't held a torch in centuries.
The front entrance opened into a once-grand hall that stretched down to a single, dilapidated throne. Where a carpet had surely once lain was now only a scattering of splinters and fungus. Here and there, the shoddy remains of candlesticks lined the walkway. Holes in the floor led to a cellar or dungeon below, though nothing was visible in the light of their horns
The stallions, for all their bravado, were cowed to silence in the old castle, creeping tip-toe through the ruins. It seemed as though any sound might bring the whole thing down on their heads.
Rainbowbeard, scouting ahead, found a passage behind the throne and led them through it. After a short, pitch-dark passageway filled with rusting suits of armor, they came to a set of stairs, many of them dangerously crumbled, leading up and down.
"What now?" Prancebeard whispered. "We could easily end up lost in this place in no time at all."
"I could try aerial reconnaissance," Rainbowbeard murmured, "though I fear discovering something sinister. The passageways ever shifting, perhaps." He shivered and rubbed his arm.
"Though we could cover more ground, I do not think splitting up would be wise." With a frown, Star Swirl tossed a ball of light down the stairs. "There's nothing for it but to choose a route and follow it."
The others gathered around, watching the ball descend. Through long moments, the collected stallions stared, willing the light to reveal something, anything, be it danger or otherwise. The passage remained stubbornly devoid of anything notable. Somewhere below, something seemed to sigh.
"I say!" said Pinkbeard, in a moment of cheery brightness.
The others jumped with a shout. They clamored over one another to find the best spot from which to defend themselves. After a moment spent panting at shadows which did not spew forth to attack, they groaned.
"Pinkbeard..." rumbled Hushbeard.
Pinkbeard shrugged and pointed at a hole in the ceiling, through which a tower was visible.
"Doth my imagination do me wrong, or is a light aglow up there?"
Star Swirl peered up at it. In the window of a tower more intact than the rest was, indeed, a faint glow, like a single star in the night sky.
"Huh," he said, giving Pinkbeard an appraising smile. "Well done! Upward it is, then!"
As the six stallions carefully mounted the steps, something behind them sighed again, and the shadows moved.
Though they had a destination in mind, the journey through the castle was still arduous. Falling bricks, blind corners leading to dead ends filled with rubble, and stair upon endless stair slowly drained their resolve. What had started as anxious fear was quickly becoming resolute irritation.
"Ahh," groaned Rainbowbeard as they turned back from yet another crumbled passage, "how do we even know that's where we need to get?"
"Ye could allus fly up an' check," Applebeard said. He smirked as Rainbowbeard gaped at him.
Slapping himself in the forehead, Rainbowbeard shook himself, crouched, and sprang into the air.
He was immediately battered back down to the ground, Hushbeard diving to catch him at the last moment. A portion of the shadows on the ceiling had detached and swooped down upon him, moving almost too fast to see. Rainbowbeard draw in a sharp breath and coughed the wind back into himself.
Star Swirl whirled, horn alight, to face back down the hallway. "Who goeth there?"
There was no answer. Not even wind stirred the dust. Their eyes scanned the corners and ceiling, looking for some sign of their attacker, but the shadows remained resolutely still.
"This does me grave ill," Star Swirl muttered, gaze aloft.
"Over there!" Prancebeard shouted suddenly.
The end of the hallway was obliterated in a burst of magical force as Star Swirl loosed a spell in the vague direction Prancebeard had indicated. Stones and rubble spewed out the windows and showered the courtyard below, not to mention all over the hallway the wall had once protected.
"I-I swear, I saw something standing there!" Prancebeard said, holding his hooves up.
Star Swirl shivered, and the six of them formed a tight knot, facing outward, scanning the shadows.
"There!" cried Star Swirl, loosing another bolt of magic at a wall.
"Nay, but here!" shouted Hushbeard, kicking out at the stones.
"Ach, there's another'n!" Applebeard hollered, bucking upward.
"I'll rend their stones asunder, sure as day!" Pinkbeard slapped something with his lute. He was joined by magic, hooves and stones flying left and right, battering at shadows both moving and still. In a trice, none of them could see for all the dust that had been kicked off the stonework.
"Leave off!" hollered Rainbowbeard. "That's me you're hitting, you numbskull!"
"Ach, an' who're ye callin' a numbskull, ye blinkered pillock?"
"I'll have them!" cried Star Swirl. "I'll have them all!"
"Stop!" shouted Prancebeard. He sat back, waving his hooves in the air. "Everypony stop!"
That did the trick. The fighting calmed as quickly as it had begun, Rainbowbeard and Applebeard inadvertently at each other's throats. They all heaved deep breaths, which fell to coughing and gagging on the dust as it settled.
Prancebeard's eye twitched, and he gestured shakily at the floor. "Look you there."
Star Swirl's heart dropped to his stomach as he beheld the floor, joined to the walls by a single creaking beam. They had, in fact, somehow carved most of the rocks beneath them away, leaving only a precariously balanced platform for them to stand on. As they watched, some of the stone at the edge gave way and plummeted into the darkness below.
"Nopony make any sudden moves," Star Swirl whispered.
For a moment, all was perfectly still. None of them dared even breathe.
Then Pinkbeard sneezed.
The ponies all held their breath as he wiped his nose on his fetlock. It seemed the floor would hold!
And then, with a creak, it gave way, and they fell screaming into the darkness below.
When Star Swirl awoke, it was to a splitting headache made no better by the guttering light source in the... Wherever he was.
"Is everypony all right?" he asked, his voice hollow and alien in his ears.
A chorus of groans answered him. He shoved himself to his feet, staggered, then righted himself, watching his friends do likewise. After a moment, a lance of panic shot through his chest.
"What happened? Where is Pinkbeard?"
Heads turned this way and that, and Star Swirl was forced to shield his eyes as he surveyed the place they had ended up in. It was a close space, filled with rubble, the windows looking out into the black night sky. One end of the room was simply too bright for his comfort. As he watched, the outline of a door emerged from the light. It was from this door, to perhaps nopony's surprise, that Pinkbeard appeared.
"Oh, it was just amazing, don't you think?"
Rainbowbeard squinted and stuck a hoof in his ear. "Can you cease the cheer for five minutes? I feel as though I've been at the ale all night..."
Hushbeard groaned. "What's he talking about?"
Pinkbeard spread his hooves wide and did a little dance, dramatizing while he sang.
"The floor fell down, and then we took a ride along a dark and treach'rous castle slide! It whooshed and zoomed and looped us all about! And then it sent us down, then up! Then out! Along the way, I saw all kinds of sights!" He paused, pointing behind himself. "And also there's these thingies here, with lights!"
Prancebeard clopped his hooves daintily against the floor. He shrank back as the others glared at him. "What? I liked the rhymes!"
Star Swirl rolled his eyes.
Feeling a good bit more like himself, he made his way over to Pinkbeard. "Now what are these 'thingies' of which you-- Stars!"
"What is it?" The others made for the archway, crowding in behind him.
Their breaths caught in their throats.
Before them, in a small, vaulted rotunda in far better repair than any room of the castle they'd seen till now, sat two low circular platforms. Above each hovered a globe of yellowish light, as large across as two stallions nose-to-tail. They swirled with energy, mystical patterns fading in and out of their surfaces, and they radiated a soft, gentle hum across the room.
But what really took the six ponies aback was what lay at the center of each: a tiny, sleeping foal, one white and one black.
"By the clouds and stars!" swore Hushbeard, his voice low. "Is this at last what we've searched for all this time?"
"How could it be?" said Rainbowbeard, his voice no louder. "Two foals? What sort of weapon is that?"
"I cannot deny the intensity," said Prancebeard, looking to Star Swirl. "Even from here, I can tell that, whatever these are, they are far beyond any magic I have ever understood. Star Swirl?"
Star Swirl the Bearded stepped into the room in a daze. His eyes tracked again and again the patterns roving over the surfaces of the two globes, analyzing formulae at once both familiar and foreign. He approached them with awestruck reverence, until his legs could hold him no longer and plunked his rear down in the middle of the room.
"They're amniomorphic..." he whispered. Tears tracked down his cheeks, and he started to laugh. "My hypothesis was correct! Two self-sustaining amniomorphic spell matrices!" He laughed. "I never thought I would see one, let alone two, yet here they are!" He spread his hooves wide. "And they're beautiful!"
As Star Swirl laughed and sobbed, the other stallions shared confused looks. Mostly, they just looked at Prancebeard, who could only shrug and shake his head.
"Aye," said Applebeard at length, "they're fair bonnie... thingies, but whit are we t'do wi' 'em?"
Star Swirl wiped at his eyes, turning to his compatriots with a huge grin. "My apologies. It's just... My friends, you are witnessing the culmination of a life's work! I always knew this was possible, and now I see just how close I was to proving it myself, by theory alone!"
He let out a long breath. "It will take me some time to study the spells if we are to unravel them without harming the foals within. Whether they are what we've come all this way to find or not, we cannot simply leave them to the whim of the forest. I will be as quick as I can, but..." He gave them a lopsided grin. "I'd recommend you all get some rest."
Even working quickly, Star Swirl gave the others enough time for a solid nap, and they were all feeling considerably better when he woke them.
"All right, gentlestallions," he began, "the answer is simple. Through a shifting of thaumic phase inversions, I should be able to dematerialize the outer shell matrix, whereupon I shall--"
"Eh, Star Swirl?" said Prancebeard, timidly.
"--decoupling the harmonic waveform regulators, while simultaneously expelling any magic-negative stanchions--"
"Star Swirl..." rumbled Hushbeard.
"--but if the inner core matrices are fully combinatorial, it will simply be a matter of reharmonizing and reinvigorating the low-density, cross-spectrum, fourth-dimensional--"
"Star Swirl!" Applebeard shouted.
Star Swirl fixed him with a stern glare. "Rude."
Rainbowbeard slapped his forehead. "Just tell us what you're about to do, you daft galoot! Only another egghead mage'll follow that nonsense!"
A tiny bit of heat crept into Star Swirl's cheeks, and he averted his eyes. "Yes." He cleared his throat. Several times. "Well. The short version is I should be able to safely unweave the two spells. Theoretically."
Pinkbeard leapt into the air, shouting in glee. "Well, surely you can do it very well!"
"Aye," said Applebeard, smiling. "If anypony can do whit alla them big words meant, sure'n it's you."
Star Swirl harrumphed. "Ah, well, you know, there's certainly margin for error..."
"Nonsense!" Rainbowbeard swooped up and clapped him on the shoulder. "You're not just our mage, you're Star Swirl the Bearded! 'Twill be foal's play for you to conquer this obstacle!"
"Aye!" cried Hushbeard.
"Hear, hear!" added Prancebeard.
Soon, all five of them were clamoring for Star Swirl and cheering his name. He turned from them, mostly to hide his blush, and loudly harrumphed until the hubbub subsided.
"Yes, well. Thank you all for your vote of confidence. I should warn you, though..." His voice grew somber. "There is a chance that the magical feedback will be too much for even a unicorn as experienced as myself to absorb all in one go. It could be painful. I will have to unweave both halves within a small margin of time in order to unmake the spell completely, or the results could be disastrous."
His friends looked at each other.
"What sort of disaster are we talking about?" asked Hushbeard, eyebrows knitted.
"Oh, rather the disastrous sort, I imagine." Star Swirl waved his hoof noncommittally. "Regardless, I am counting on you five to keep me on task. No matter what happens after I unweave the first spell, help me to the second, quick as you can."
He glanced back over his shoulder with a small grin. "Are you up for the challenge?"
They shared another look. Rainbowbeard elbowed Applebeard and grinned at him.
"Think we can, lads?"
"Aye!" the rest shouted.
Star Swirl smiled at them. "Very well then!"
Star Swirl approached the platforms, squinting a bit in the magic's intense glare. He looked from one to the other and the sleeping forms within. With a shrug, he turned to the globe on the right, surrounding the white filly. He took a deep breath, lit his horn, and touched it against the outer surface of the spell.
His world exploded in a fury of pain and light.
Body filled with fire, mind filled with lighting, his being shot off through the depths of space. Howling, amorphous shapes from beyond time itself tormented his very soul. He was flung against asteroids and plunged into the bottom of sulfurous seas. He spent an eternity being stretched, squashed, inflated, crushed and rent asunder before being rebuilt from his very atoms.
What amount of time had passed, he could not tell, but eventually, he toppled backward into the waiting hooves of his companions with a shout and an explosion of force.
"Are you all right?" Prancebeard shouted, slapping his face.
"Stop hitting me..." Star Swirl whined.
"Now that was quite the screamy show you made," said Pinkbeard, looking somewhat worried.
"Aye, ye looked a pure nick," said Applebeard, helping him to stand.
Dazed, Star Swirl stared stupidly ahead. "'S was awful... no words..."
"Gentlestallions."
The calm murmur caught their attentions, and soon all eyes were on Hushbeard, who held a cloth-wrapped bundle.
"Congratulations," he said, mirth pulling at the corners of his mouth. "'Tis a filly."
The other stallions crowded in to see as he peeled back a layer of the cloth to present the white head and its tiny curl of pink mane.
"Hah, and a unicorn at that!" said Rainbowbeard, a faint smile on his lips.
"A unicorn," Star Swirl muttered faintly.
Hushbeard made a rumbling noise and turned the filly on her side, peeling back more of the cloth. The others gasped.
"A horn and wings?" said Prancebeard, a hoof flying to his mouth.
"In all my years, I've never seen the like!" Pinkbeard was unusually reverent. "No doubt that this is what we came to find."
"Well done, lads!" crowed Rainbowbeard. He slapped Star Swirl on the back, who lurched forward. "Only one left, and then we can get back to Equestria to stop the monster!"
As soon as the words 'one left' emerged from Rainbowbeard's mouth, Star Swirl let out a choked cry. His eyes turned toward the second globe of swirling magic and shrank to pinpricks. A bead of sweat trickled down his neck.
"Star Swirl?" Prancebeard asked, hesitantly.
Star Swirl made a break for the door.
"Get 'im!" shouted Applebeard.
Rainbowbeard sprang into the air, flying ahead. Star Swirl gibbered and lit his horn, eyes rolling in his sockets. He teleported to the far end of the room, but Pinkbeard charged in, leaping for him, nimble as could be. Star Swirl ducked at the last moment. Pinkbeard's head rang like a bell as it impacted the stonework.
"Cut it out!" Prancebeard cried, trying and failing to grab him with magic. "Star Swirl, whatever is the matter with you?"
"No, no, no!" shouted Star Swirl, hooves scrabbling under him as he dodged and weaved past the others. "Not going back!"
"But you said we've only a limited time to get both spells unmade!" Rainbow grunted as he tried to herd Star Swirl into the rubble, but the unicorn teleported again, and it was the pegasus who ended up in the stones. "Something about a great disaster? Counting on our help? Remember that?"
"Don't want to!" Star Swirl's voice took on a petulant whine. "You can't make me!"
"Ach, fer th' love o'..." Applebeard reached into his pack, withdrew a rope, tied a quick knot in the end, and slung it around Star Swirl's rear left leg. "Gotcha!"
Try as he might, Star Swirl could not escape. Applebeard reeled him in, hogtied him swiftly and glared down at him with unmasked contempt.
"Yer blubbin' like a wee bairn, ye daft eejit!"
"Aye," said Hushbeard as they dragged Star Swirl, still raving and struggling like mad against his bonds, back into the room with the spells. "Even the foal hasn't put up as much fuss as you..."
Hushbeard cut off with a cry of alarm as he looked at the filly. "Er, and she seems to have outgrown her swaddling when we weren't looking. Hurry it up, gents, will you?"
Indeed, the filly, who had seemed a newborn just moments prior, now looked to be at least a year old. She sucked merrily on her forehoof, eyes closed, oblivious to Star Swirl's tantrum.
His thrashing and shrieking intensified as they pushed him closer to the orb, which flashed and pulsated far more violently than before. He squeezed his eyes shut and strained to keep his head away from it.
"All right," said Prancebeard at last. "Leave off, you lot, let me try and talk some sense into him."
He cleared his throat and leaned down to Star Swirl's ear.
"Why are you behaving like this, Star Swirl? Even I can see the second spell is destabilized. What is it you told me just this morn? Think of those who wait for us in Equestria, the ponies you love and care for, who are waiting for you to overcome this obstacle and free them from their torment."
Tears stung at the corners of his eyes as Star Swirl turned away from him. "Think, Star Swirl, I beg of you! Think of them! I do not know how long the pain lasted for you, but for us, it was over in a single moment! Use that pain to push through the fear, to overcome the obstacles!"
Star Swirl closed his eyes. "You weren't there... Didn't feel it..."
He glanced over to the filly, who seemed to have aged another year and was now giggling to herself as she hovered a few meters off the floor, Hushbeard trying to coax her back down.
"Star Swirl, we haven't much time! 'Tis now, or never!"
Star Swirl turned his head away.
"Very well, then." Prancebeard gritted his teeth. "If the mighty Star Swirl the Bearded cannot do it, then... I shall."
"No." The answer was immediate.
Star Swirl's body relaxed, and he turned a stern eye to Prancebeard, who took a step back.
"Untie me," he commanded, voice catching in his throat.
"You're not about to run off again, are you?" Rainbowbeard asked, looking like he was really excited for that possibility.
"Nay." Star Swirl grit his teeth, voice shaking. "If I must suffer twice an eternity of torment in but two moments, then suffer I shall. It is the least I can do for an Equestria that is suffering."
He turned his eyes to the filly, who had grown again. "Gwampa Staw Swiw no cwy now?" she asked. Hushbeard nearly dropped her.
Star Swirl laughed as the other untied him. "Yes, little done, the time for tears is over. What I must do, I do for Equestria. I do it for Clover. I do for myself!" He placed a hoof on Prancebeard's shoulder, casting a quick glance to the others. "I do it for you, my friends.
"Swiftly, now, help me up."
Prancebeard and the others positioned Star Swirl before the mad maelstrom of spellwork, stepping back once he was firmly on his hooves. He snorted and grit his teeth. Reaching far down inside himself, he loosed a war cry that shook the stones above them.
This time, he did not even have to physically touch the spell. His horn lit with a star shine flare, drawing the magic in.
Instantly, he was torn into fifteen pieces that were hurled to the very ends of reality.
One passed by ponies grazing in herds along an idyllic paradise.
Another flew over Canterlot, and a head with mismatched eyes chuckled and waved a griffon talon as it went past.
A third flew through a castle made of crystal, and he just barely heard a voice shouting, "What was--"
A fourth sailed through a void darker than black, where a shadow with burning blue eyes shouted, "THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR RUINING MY SPEECH!"
A fifth sailed across a burning, acrid wasteland, devoid of ponies, plants, or any life whatsoever.
Possibility and time ceased to have meaning. Star Swirl became one with all, and all was pain.
He pushed the pain away, roaring against the strain of the magic, until, with a pop, it exploded outward and launched the dark filly into his arms.
They slid across the floor, out the door into the outer room, Star Swirl cradling the tiny form against his chest, until they hit the wall and stopped. Smoke curled off both of them.
He panted hard as his companions caught up to him. The other filly, now old enough to walk on her own, peered curiously at Star Swirl's burden.
He laughed, looking at the tiny thing. Her soft coat glistened like the blue-black of night, and a little shock of sea blue framed the stubby horn. Wings, fragile and ephemeral, caressed her sides.
Star Swirl wiped at his eyes and held the foal up for all to see. With a smile to the other filly, he said, "'Twould seem you're a big sister, now."
After deciding their best course was to "gang awa' hame", as Applebeard had put it, all eight ponies left the castle, meeting surprisingly little resistance. The corridors led them straight to the exit, the rubble was easily bypassed, and the shadows didn't cling so much as they had. In all, their company was free of the castle in far less time than it had taken to enter.
So they kept running.
Hushbeard carried the two fillies, one in his saddlebag and the other on his broad back. Every time Star Swirl glanced back at them, it seemed they had both grown steadily older.
"Hushbeard," complained the older one, "I'm too big to be carried now!"
He had initially thought of them as "Luna" and "Sola" until the older one had informed him testily that her name was Celestia, thank you very much. He looked back to see a filly who was more young mare now, lifting herself into the air off Hushbeard's back, then pulling the younger filly from his bag to carry herself.
"You can run with me, Luna," she said.
"You'd both best stay at the front of the herd," Star Swirl said, "otherwise you may be old mares before we leave this forest!"
With that said, their progress through the forest was even easier than the castle. The trees framed a single path, free of tripping stones and roots. They forded shallow rivers without pausing. No monsters emerged to challenge them. In fact, the canopy was oddly quiet, save for the thundering of their hooves.
That is, until a manticore appeared before them without warning.
Rainbowbeard and Prancebeard shouted and threw themselves on the fillies. Star Swirl, Hushbeard and Applebeard formed a guard in front of them as the beast charged down the path. Star Swirl lit his horn, ready to cleave the beast in twain if need be, when it flapped its wings, leapt, and sailed over them, continuing its charge down the path.
"What?" was all Star Swirl could say.
"Look!" Hushbeard pointed ahead down the trail.
A pack of timberwolves rushed at them, but parted like a stream around rocks and ran past them. Moments later, a cockatrice dove into the undergrowth, emerging once again only when it had passed them. A hydra thundered down on top of on them, but stepped over without so much as licking its lips. Star Swirl eyed a swarm of paper wasps warily, but they too left the ponies unmolested.
"What in th' name o' ripe, red apples is happenin'?" Applebeard demanded, as they let the fillies up and scanned for more potential non-threats.
"THEY RETURN HOME," said an unearthly voice from seemingly all around them.
The foliage to their right parted, revealing another path, at the end of which stood something vaguely pony-like. It was thrice as tall as any of them, and even in the forest gloom, they could see it was made of bark, twigs, leaves and stones. It strode gracefully towards them, stopping a few paces away, and spoke in a voice that emerged from every tree.
"IT IS ALL THANKS TO YOU. THE FOREST IS IN YOUR DEBT."
"Who are you?" asked Prancebeard.
"I-THE-FOREST AND CROOKNECK."
"'Tis as we told the Spider King," Star Swirl said, eyes alight. "They'll torment Equestria and ponykind no longer! Am I right in thinking 'twas the changelings who drove them from their homes?"
The great forest spirit nodded.
"Wait," said Rainbowbeard, "did you say 'and Crookneck'?"
The leaves and branches surrounding the spirit's face peeled back, revealing the face of the earth pony farmer-turned-bandit. He gave them a lopsided grin.
"Hello again, stallions. Imagine it, an earth pony gettin' lost in a forest. Hah!" He shook his head. "Don't worry on my account. I was fit to die of starvation, but I called out in supplication an' the forest saved me. Offered myself in exchange for guarding the forest. Weren't no life for me in Equestria nohow. Maybe it's as I can gain some redemption for my wrongs here, eh?"
A wry smile crossed Crookneck's face, and he laughed. "Ah, but it's not so bad! How many ponies can say they ever became the avatar of an entire forest, huh? And it ain't like the forest's had an avatar in decades, it was tellin' me, and..."
A look of irritation sprouted on him as the leaves and branches began to close over his face.
"Hold off, now," he said, frowning at the sticks. "I'm talkin' to these nice gentlest--Oop, no, guess I'm done." And the leaves covered him fully once more.
No words did the stallions possess to describe the sound of an entire forest clearing its throat.
"IGNORE HIM," it said. "HE IS NEW. NOW GO, PONIES. THE WAY OUT IS CLEAR. GO, AND TAKE YOUR TREASURES OF HARMONY. YOU WILL BE REMEMBERED."
Star Swirl looked to his companions, one by one. The fillies had grown again, both now sporting sun and moon cutie marks. He turned and bowed low.
"Thank you, forest spirit. May your trees thrive."
The ponies picked themselves up and continued down the path. From behind them, the leaves rustled in a dark and unfathomable voice with the wisdom of countless ages.
THEY SHALL
At last, they emerged from the forest and squinted in the harsh light of day. Helpfully, the sun set moments later, bathing them in darkness as the moon rose. It at least kept them from seeing just how bad everything was.
"'Tis worse than ever I thought," Star Swirl muttered. "If even sun and moon ride chaotic tides..."
The others stood abreast of him, Luna climbing down from Celestia's back to gaze across the plaid-speckled land.
"What are we to do?" Prancebeard asked in quiet desperation.
"It seems a shame," said Hushbeard, turning to regard Celestia, "to place the whole world's hopes upon a pair of fillies, singular though they may be."
The stallions all turned to regard the fillies. Luna shied away from their gazes, hiding behind her sister, who gave them all a smile with the barest tinge of nervousness.
"Do not worry about us, good gentlestallions," Celestia said firmly. "Now that we have seen with our own eyes what hath transpired in this land, I sense that we are where we are meant to be. Moreover..."
Celestia began to pace, her sister watching her with as much curiosity as the stallions. In a trice, she was running down the path that had brought them to the forest in the first place.
"Yes, I feel sure of it! Follow me, friends!"
All eight ran, heedless of the danger. No questions did they ask. The sun rose and set as it desired, sometimes quickly, sometimes languidly, forever chasing its counterpart through the sky.
After some pony lengths of running down the path back to Canterlot, the air exploded with confetti, streamers and tacky, upbeat music. A large banner reading "WELCOME STAR SWIRL THE BE" sprung up in the middle of the road, followed moments later by the strangest creature any of the ponies had ever seen.
What appeared to be an amalgamation of every animal known to ponykind, and possibly a few more besides, emerged from thin air beneath the banner, clapping its mismatched hands and chortling in glee.
"Ponies, ponies!" he said, his voice mellifluous and oily. "Welcome back! It's about time you all got out of that awful, awful forest! I'd have come sooner, but you know how it is. Uprisings to put down, former rulers to keep under my hoof and all that." He grinned at them, showing a single fang and an eyeful of mirthful malice. "Like what I've done with the place?"
Celestia and Luna retreated behind the stallions, who gaped at the thing in a combination of awe, confusion, horror and anger.
"So you're behind this chaos," Star Swirl said at length. "The same shadow Clover saw in her nightmares, no doubt."
"The one and only!" cried the creature, bowing low. "Call me Discord, Ruler of Equestria! Oh, it'll be so much fun having you six around."
He disappeared in a flash of light and reappeared next to Star Swirl, dragging a claw over the latter's beard. "I've been watching you all for a donkey's age, you know. Such wonderful chaos you've created already!"
Another flash, and he appeared astride Prancebeard, along with a saddle and bridle. "I just can't wait to see what you'll do next!" He kicked his heels in, but the spurs just clanked off the armor.
"Ye've much t'answer fer, foul beastie!" cried Applebeard with a shake of his hoof.
"'Foul'?" Discord reformed in front of them, in the guise of a giant chicken. "I'll have you know that's offensive in some circles." He gave a loud "BUCK-KAWK!" and an egg smashed onto Applebeard's face from above.
"But where are my manners?" Banishing the costume, Discord pulled a pair of spectacles and a scroll from behind himself. "I've introduced myself, but I don't know a thing about you! Let's see..."
As he read off the scroll, labelled 'Ye Olde Scripte', he flashed in front of Star Swirl. "We've got the grump--" then Applebeard-- "the blowhard--" Rainbowbeard-- "the idiot--" Hushbeard-- "the recluse--" Prancebeard-- "the ponce..."
Rainbowbeard nudged Applebeard in the ribs. "Hah! He called ya a blowhard!"
He appeared above Pinkbeard, snatching the lute off his back and holding it aloft between two fingers. "That makes you the fun one, doesn't it? Where did you even get this, eugh, this thing?"
"It's mine, you know!" cried Pinkbeard, trying to jump and catch the lute, which gave a piteous little howl. "Now give it back to me!"
Pulling a face, Discord tossed the lute into the air. Pinkbeard caught it before it hit the ground, huffing at Discord, his face scrunched in anger.
"You want it, you can have it." Turning back to the scroll, he traced a claw down it, tapping a spot near the end. "Now let's see, there are supposed to be two more main characters here. Where could they be..."
Hushbeard, to his credit, was ready the instant Discord appeared behind him. "Leave the fillies be, monster," he rumbled.
"Ah yes," said Discord, his eyes narrowing dangerously. "The brats."
"W-we're not scared of you!" yelled Luna, cowering behind Hushbeard's back left. "T-tell him we're not scared of him, Celly!"
Despite her initial temerity, Celestia swallowed and strode out from behind her protector.
"My sister is right. The moment I laid eyes upon your ghastly visage, I knew, as surely as I know my own hooves, that our destiny lay with your defeat."
Discord yawned, fanning his mouth, as Celestia strode around the ponies, growing more animated with each word she spoke.
"My friends, we stand at the brink of defeat. The land you call home is in ruins, befouled by magics dark and powerful. But we brave few--" She made eye contact with each of the ponies, smiling at them in turn-- "we lucky champions, have this opportunity to set Equestria free. We can best this chaos, with the love in our hearts and the courage in our stomachs. We will rise above you, Discord the Monstrous! Discord the Terrible! For ponies are strongest when we are together, and we have banded together in the name of harmony!"
The stallions lifted their eyes to Discord. One by one, they thrust out their chests, stamped their hooves, and snorted. They formed a line, confident grins writ large across their faces, victory shining in their eyes. As Celestia finished her speech, one and all gave a loud "Huzzah," even little Luna.
Discord was sleeping in midair.
"The rotter's kipped off," said Applebeard, rubbing the side of his head.
Discord jerked awake as a small bird with a rope tied around it dropped down next to him, chirping its head off. "Huh-wha?" He stretched and used the bird's beak to scratch himself before pulling its rope, sending it zipping off into the sky.
"Sooooo boring," he moaned. "You can't blame me for nodding off." He eyed the filly coolly. "Celly, was it?"
She stuck her nose up in defiance. "That's Celestia to you, demon!"
"Whatever." He snapped his fingers. "If you ask me, you need a little Ce-less-tia of a stick up your rump."
Celestia was instantly enrobed in a brightly colored striped costume, complete with curly rainbow wig, giant shoes and red nose. Discord squeezed the latter, and it gave a loud, flatulent toot.
Pinkbeard snickered.
"Hey!" shouted Luna, stumbling out from behind Hushbeard and lighting her horn. "You do not get to treat my sister like that, bully!"
Discord rolled his eyes and snapped his fingers again. "Oh, what do you know? You're just a snot-nosed kid."
Luna sneezed violently, sailing backward off the path and landing on her rump. She let out a wail at the veritable fountain of mucus pouring from her nose. Prancebeard echoed her cry, shuddering.
"Don't lose focus, men," said Star Swirl, charging a spell.
Rainbowbeard nodded, readying himself to attack. "Any suggestions?"
Gritting his teeth, Star Swirl added a second magical overlay to the spell on his horn. "Hit him with everything you have!"
"Gladly."
With a wicked smile, Rainbowbeard bolted into the air, flying a loop around Discord fast enough to make his head literally spin. He began throwing lightning-quick punches up and down the serpentine body. Every time his hooves impacted, the flesh dented and produced the sound of a different animal's cry.
"Uh," Rainbowbeard, pausing after a few moments, "I think direct attacks aren't quite the thing!"
"Oh, really?" Discord pulled his head off, swung it around to face Rainbowbeard, and put it back on again. "Needed somepony else pulling your strings to figure that out, did you?"
He snapped his claws, and Rainbowbeard collapsed. A pair of crossed wooden sticks appeared above him, strings hanging down from them to his hooves. The sticks lifted into the air, dragging the helpless pegasus back and forth.
"What is this?" he cried, as the sticks forced his limbs into a jig. "Unhoof me, varlet! Fight -- yaah! -- fight fair!"
"In my experience, 'fair' is synonymous with boring!"
Discord chuckled as Hushbeard and Applebeard came at him, one high and one low. But no amount of synchronizing their blows could find them purchase as his sinuous form weaved and slunk around them.
"Birthing pure chaos into this reality required an equal creation of, blegh, order, but did it have to be so dull?"
At the snap of his claws, Hushbeard plowed face-first into the earth and kept right on going, his wings having been transferred to Applebeard. The wings, with a mind of their own, flapped out of sync, throwing the former earth pony up into the air at crazy angles, until he finally crashed down directly onto Pinkbeard, knocking both cold.
With a shrill warcry and a spear of pure light on his horn, Prancebeard charged Discord, head down.
"I will rip out anything you dare call a heart!"
"So pointy!" Discord tutted and snapped his fingers. "You'll put an eye out with that."
Prancebeard's armor expanded, turning transparent, until it had fused into a solid bubble around him. He loosed the spell he had been holding, but it ricocheted around the inside of the sphere, finally zapping him on the cutie mark.
"Oops!" Discord covered his mouth in feigned shock. With another snap, a large helmet appeared over Prancebeard's head, obscuring his features completely. "Can't be too careful, you know."
"HYAAAAAAH!"
With a shout that could have peeled the bark from a tree, Star Swirl released the not one, not two, but four spells he had been powering with his horn. All four were woven together precisely, meant to bolster one another's power and penetrate any defenses that might block them. Singly, any one of them would have defeated the best casters in the unicorn court. Together, they were a mighty monolith, an unmatched juggernaut of magical offense that promised sure oblivion to anything before them.
Discord produced a large novelty fork, swirled the strands of magic onto its tines, shoved the whole thing into his mouth and chewed.
"Mmm!" He smacked his lips, holding up a hand with thumb and forefinger curled together. "Exceptional presentation! My compliments to the chef. I've not had a better meal, I should think!"
Star Swirl's mouth dropped open. He sank to his knees. All he could do was watch in mute horror as Discord made a show of covering his mouth as his cheeks puffed up. After a few moments, he loosed an earth-shattering belch, along with a cloud of green gas. The instant the foul-smelling cloud overtook Star Swirl, his beard curled up into his eyes.
"Whoo!" Discord cried, pounding on his chest and coughing. "Maybe a little too much garlic, though. That stuff'll really curl your hairs!"
Laughing, he reached down and elbowed the stock-still Star Swirl. "Get it? Curl your hairs?"
Rising into the air, he slapped his knee and gazed upon his handiwork. Prancebeard flailed as his bubble floated softly through the air, unable to remove the helmet from his head. Applebeard caromed off the bubble again and again as his wings seemed determined to bash it open with his body. A dirt-covered Hushbeard tried in vain to jump and grab Rainbowbeard out of the air as the latter was forced to do the pony can-can. Celestia struggled with her wig, having been able to remove only the shoes by this point. Luna merely cried as more snot dribbled down her face. Star Swirl and Pinkbeard were insensate.
"Well, well, I can't say it hasn't been fun, because this has been an absolute smash." Discord produced a tiny mirror and broke it with an even tinier hammer. "You ponies are a real treat, you know that? I think I'll keep you around. No doubt you'll continue to entertain me!"
He pulled back the fur of his forearm, revealing a small grandfather clock. Its hands came together over the twelve, after which a small door opened, producing a platform with a tiny Discord. It rose up to the real Discord's ear and shouted, "YOU'RE LATE, IDIOT!"
"Oh, goodness, look at the time!" Discord floated on his back down the path. "I guess round two will have to wait for later. So much chaos to spread, so little time! Ta-ta!"
And in a flash of light, he was gone. A few seconds later, and all the changes to the ponies had vanished as well. Applebeard, Rainbowbeard and Prancebeard impacted the ground with shouts.
"It's impossible," Star Swirl said to himself. "We came nowhere near hurting him. We weren't even a threat to him."
Hushbeard, who had been able to rouse Pinkbeard, gave him a defeated look. Rainbowbeard turned his head away. Applebeard gazed at the ground.
"Don't fret, Star Swirl," Celestia said softly. With a sniffling Luna on her back, she moved to him, wrapped a hoof around his neck and squeezing gently. "He took us by surprise. Divided attacks won't work against a being so powerful. I'm sure, if we work together, we can come up with a--"
"Oh, before I forget..."
There was a loud zipping sound as a portal appeared in space to Star Swirl's right. Discord popped halfway out with an avuncular smile.
"I'll be taking these," he said, grabbing Celestia and Luna by the scruff of their necks. "Toodles!"
The fillies' screams were cut short as they were dragged through the portal, which sealed behind them.
The stallions could only stare, dumbfounded.
"Ach!" cried Applebeard after a moment, throwing his hooves up in the air. "We just found those!"