"Hey, everypony! This is so exciting I can't believe I get to teach this class to you! And I don't mean that this is not a serious situation, I mean we're in danger, but I have nooo doubt that Twilight will take care of it, and be back with us soon. But until then...Look, I don't mean to brag, but I definitely know a lot about this specific subject, as I've researched it quite extensively in the expansive archives of our schools because being close friends and Guidance Counselor to the Princess of Friendship herself Twilight Sparkle, that is the Headmare by the way, I have been able to access the royal archives and get really into the nitty-gritty of the most things that sex could have to offer, available within our given lifetime, instead of the things that we are used to in our current sexual climate. Now, Miss Sparkle didn't give me the most... specific instructions on how much of this immortality sexual royal archives information I was allowed to use, but if I know one thing about Twilight it's her thoroughness, so I'm pretty sure I've covered everything reality has to offer...."
"Is there any questions?"
"Are there?" A dragon corrects with a snort.
Starlights blows a raspberry and scoffs. "Oh, I'm sorry, yes there is! Thanks for reminding me. Bleugh, scatterbrained. Did anyone take my salad?"
The class is satisfied with remaining silent.
Starlight finishes her name in cursive on the whiteboard. She adds a heart above the 'i' in 'Ms. Glimmer." as she continues. "It was in the fridge. No? Okay, well..uh..I guess it was no one, so I guess uh...well we can start then!"
Starlight does a final scan for any raised claws then returns to setting up.
"Uhm....Okay, well then we can start. Okay, Hmmmm, AAaahhhhhI'mnervous. Ahem... Hello students. My name is Starlight Glimmer." She references the decidedly black dry-eraser. "Most of you may know me already and I know what you're thinking, 'is that the guidance counselor?' Yes! Also, I'll be serving-I mean teaching, as your Sex Ed...Teachers. Unfortunately, most of the other instructors, are indisposed. But, even though the class has been out for a few weeks on account of the earthquakes, I am optimistic and I have a lot for us to learn, and...to share." She winced, that last-minute ad-lib didn't sound so good.
The class doesn't mention but yes, they did notice. They grow responsively silent, and Starlight is pleased.
She struts to the whiteboard and magically picks up the black marker, after deciding not to use the green one.
Every creature sees this and somepony raises a hoof.
Putting down the marker she turns and addresses the class. "Okay so, who has done the assigned reading on the study about trans-iiiiinnnngggg, yes, you, who are you?"
"...a student?"
"Oh! Yes! A student has raised their hoof. Yes, student, my student."
"Dew Drop, I think only a few of those papers were actually published, are you talking about those? Cause like, we all had the same information and we couldn't get to it. Are you talking about those studies? The information was in Celestia's handwriting and it said that it was-."
A harsh shush from enthralled pegasi.
"Oh! Yes! That is correct Drop!"
"Dew."
"Sorry.. Dew. Good job..Dewd! ....
"..."
"Uhm yeah, those studies! So, you didn't get them? That's kinda weird. Anyways, would it surprise all of you to know, that those studies were obsolete by about, 5000 years?"
The class is awash with ripe confusion.
"Oh wait, I have slides."
The students tense up, they all get the feeling Starlight might not be allowed to be saying what she's saying. But they are so curious, they do not stop her.
"Today, we're going to be talking about Transing!"
The students watch in silence, wary of what they were about to see. A dragon unwraps some gum.
"Ohhhyeah, uhm, well this one is just a magic scan of the page but I've highlighted... a segment of it."
The page ingloriously shows up on the magic projector.
A Comprehensive Summarizing of The Immortality Papers of Sexual Royal Archives; - Transcendecity Rituals Within Alicorn Reason-
Penned by the Early Solstice Immortal, Celestia within 3 Cycles of the Moon's forming. Give me an A, please.
I am so bored. Today I discovered all the secrets of the universe then it was time for me to EVOLVE again, if I wasn't the god to complain to, I would complain to myself all day long, but I'm so sick of hearing my voice because I've said ALL THE THINGS five hundred times over. I'm not sure many creatures understand what it truly means to be immortal. Ick.
Here's the Summarizing, thanks to my Professor Starswirl, he's a weird-ass, pony but he knows a lot for a mortal
Transcendity - A word my sister invented to describe surpassing the utmost a being can be within what is possible in the span of their existence. That is, to say, a way around infinity and to transcend space and time, stretching your corporeal self across the cosmos in ultimate bliss.
So, a transcendity ritual, is basically the highest form of sex within any given species, that is to say beyond understanding if one is seeks to understand. Words will fall short, (And really, they do.) but it's like the sensation that your (Assuming one has a sense of self) body, soul, mind, and feelings meshing eternally in an instant, then putting itself back together, as comically as it sounds, into a gigantic fireball resembling a heart shape if the transcendity ritual is powerful enough. It gives an amusing twist to some of pony history, my sister. Some significant moments in pony timelines have been about practicing this in public because of your influence. Like for instance, the incident centuries earlier where Princess Mi Amore Cadenza and Twilight's (Twilight isn't here yet. I'll explain later) brother Shining Armor, who made a spectacle of themselves by reaching a transcendity climax, in public, in front of many ponies. Ugh, I'm just remembering sex, just...blegh. Transing, every time. Sex, not even 10,000 times, my sister, if you're reading. (Hi Luna.<3) Transing or bust! Alrighty, back to the summary. Transcendity ritual is melting and oozing yourself beyond words and feelings and eternally feeling like... Oh shoot! How do I describe transing sensation? It's like, it's the feeling of your sexual organs within the entire span of common existence, that is to say, every species (Waves hand) is melding with each other and cumming endlessly upon every molecule of sensation, at every rate you've ever had in your life, all at the same time, while you mix those two existences together with your transcendity mate (Hello Discord ;)) in every sensation and in every lifetime of existence. It's like, I don't know. Getting the universe pregnant or something like that. In short, that is the sensation of a Transcendity Ritual, I mean we're working on better things in the Lunar Logs, but it'll do for right now. Okay, so this round of ponies is evolving particularly slow, meaning they'll probably be content to not knowing anything about themselves for the rest of their life. Perfect transers. But they're just so stupid, is that mean to say? I mean, I'll probably just put it in the royal archives, so hey future me! I love ponies with all of my heart, but sometimes they're just stupid. One of the advantages of transing is the infinity of possibilities when an alicorn is exposed to that much raw magic, and we're talking Solid Magic, (I love it when Discord calls it Chocolate Milk) when an immortal within Alicorn Reason, is exposed to raw magic, the above-mentioned effects will likely topple any creatures existence. I've done it soo many times, (Luna, you might as well have an archive dedicated to your transing escapades.) We'll call it the Sexual Royal Archives. And ponies having trouble evolving do it all the time, they unleash a potential magic dead space upon the world, to make an orgasm heart. I love that they're so sentimental, so willing to break reality for just a little transing. I mean, I'm guilty. I've ended existence a couple of times for a little roll in the transcendental coil.
Section 2: Defining the parameters of Alicorn Reason
Alicorn reason is the paradox discovered by none other than Professor Starswirl of the early Equestrian Timeline (Is there something you didn't discover? I have to reference you in everything. It's either you me or Luna, we have to keep referencing each other, egh!)
Things possible within what is now known as Alicorn Reason, is the act of mapping reality so that time has meaning within the ether. The reason you called it that Mr. Bearded was because you created a time loop so that We (Us, Aetherials, You get it.) couldn't invent it, cause we didn't think about writing it down because back then writing had no meaning because language lacked cohesion. The first time an Alicorn set foot on soil, they knew about Alicorn Reason, but I guess you write it down and suddenly it's news...
"Wait, what about the part that isn't highlighted??"
"Shhhh!"
"Uh, I don't think that's important," Starlight quickly goes to the next slide. "I just wanted to show you a reference to the word. Now when we're talking about transing we're talking about a highly developed sense of-"
"It's the reading..." Someone in the back says to himself as he holds a scroll in absolute awe.
"Didn't Ms.Glimmer send that to us by Dragonfire?"
"Oh, so you've all read it! Great! Uhm, well that'll make this a whole lot easier...shall we review??"
Every Creature raises their hands, then slowly lowers them.