(Kitchen Nightmares theme plays)
Fresh off of his hit shows, Chef Gordon Ramsay has been to thousands of restaurants throughout America. He has dealt with the worst of the worst when it came to food, management, and restaurant quality. In some cases, it has included the owners themselves. He has met with only one failure throughout his entire career. It was a few months after America had created an alliance with the world of Equis in the pursuit of mutual understanding with the hopes of peace. One of the Princesses had come through the portal back to America on a rare visit with one of her emissaries to speak with Chef Ramsay. The lavender alicorn called Princess Twilight Sparkle had news organizations from around the world speculating about her, but still unsure as to why Princess Twilight had chosen Chef Gordon Ramsay. He was the first official human to meet with her and Ambassador Pinkie Pie. The Kitchen Nightmares team here hopes to be the first to get the scoop on the Princess of Friendship's odd course of action upon visiting Earth. We have been told that she will be arriving at the Nevada headquarters in downtown Las Vegas to meet with Gordon in just a few short hours.
(Twilight Sparkle's POV)
For six months now, diplomatic relations between the primary nations of Equestria have been strained. Everypony is getting severely ill and nobody is certain why. I have a theory, however. With the rise in monster attacks and invasions of hostile armies all over Equestria, the hospitality and food industries have fallen by the wayside. I've been getting a number of reports that ponies all over the country are going on strike, being mistreated by their employers, dealing with harsh conditions, or getting sick. Pinkie came to me a few weeks ago and mentioned that someone on Earth might be able to help. Some celebrity chef named Ramsey. I instantly pictured a ram wearing a cook’s uniform at the time. Kinda silly, I know, but my mind does come up with weird things sometimes. At first, I thought she was just being her normal crazy self until I decided to take a closer look at this human's qualifications. Needless to say, I'm more than impressed with his accomplishments. He was among one of the best chefs on Earth. Among his many television shows, he also doubled as an Emotional Counselor, Food Critic, Hotel Critic, Building Renovator, and Health Inspector. I looked him up and as it turns out, he's currently living in the western province or state as Americans call them; California where I first discovered Earth when I came through the portal. His main office however is a few hundred miles away in Earth's equivalent to Las Pegasus. Since Pinkie and Rarity are more knowledgeable about food than I am, I figured that bringing them along might help. What with Pinkie’s years of experience in the kitchen and Rarity’s distinction as a licensed food connoisseur; even though I had no idea that was an actual thing. She was probably just embellishing everything about herself as usual, but I didn't mind. I trusted Rarity to behave on such an important mission, but I had my doubts about Pinkie. Humans are a little less open-minded than ponies, so I was worried how Chef Ramsay would respond to her...explosive personality. I didn't think that it would have been this much of an issue though...
A few weeks after the epidemic had spread all over Equestria, Twilight and her friends' Rarity and Pinkie Pie came through a portal to Los Angeles. She was uncomfortably reminded of how much more dangerous crossing over to an alternate multiverse of reality was than simply crossing over to a parallel universe. Traveling to Canterlot High was a simple stroll compared to what they were going through.
They landed in a recreational park in the Midtown borough of Pasadena. The first sensation to hit her was the smell. The human world was markedly different than that of Equis in more ways than one. The air, while still fresh was filled with a number of aerosols and smells that overwhelmed her senses. The grass under her hooves was rough and yellowing in some spots. A playground was off to the far left filled with families and pedestrians enjoying their day. Twilight was hoping to get to Las Vegas without being seen, but no dice. A four-year-old child on the jungle gym spotted her and the other two almost immediately. The little girl was being closely watched by her mother. A brunette woman in her thirties carrying a small purse over her shoulder.
"Look, Mommy! Pretty doggies!" she exclaimed.
Not wanting to seem like she was ignoring her, the woman quickly pretended to look in the direction her daughter was pointing. Wanting to keep her eyes on the girl. What the woman didn't expect to see, was three pastel-colored ponies with oversized eyes that stared back at her like deer caught in the headlights of a car. Suddenly, the purple pony in the middle started walking towards her with a big friendly smile on its face. The mother, not being able to rely on her brain or logic, reverted to what most humans described as a primordial lizard brain and instinctively pulled out her phone and called 911, not knowing how to deal with the bizarre situation.
"911, what's your emergency?" the operator asked.
"Three... short neon-colored horses with wings and horns," the woman muttered in confusion. "I think they're the ones from the news..."
The operator was at a loss for words, she contacted her supervisor who suggested that they at least send a patrol car to the scene to make sure that this wasn't a hoax. Ten minutes later, it arrived and the two policemen met the ponies. It was an awkward meeting at first, but everyone was cordial and respectful as was expected. Twilight explained their situation and where they needed to go. The duo understood as best as they could as they made a call to their precinct to contact the local branch of the Secret Service in Los Angeles. Offering their protection, they allowed Twilight, Rarity, and Pinkie to remain in their patrol car until the feds arrived. Twilight graciously agreed as they entered and patiently awaited for their hosts to arrive.
Unfortunately, someone else had beaten them to the punch and called half a dozen news organizations to the scene. Three alien ponies from another dimension traveling to earth, including a royal would make the front page news all over the world. A crowd started to gather at the park as more cop cars were called to help protect the Princess and her fellow noble ladies until the feds arrived. News trucks showed up with cameras covering the story, bringing even more and more people. Barriers were constructed and riot control was brought out in case anyone started to get rowdy and charge at Twilight. By the time the Secret Service arrived, there was an army of excited people trying to push forward just to get a glimpse of the alien princess. Black cars drove around the park to where the patrol cars were, guided through the mob of people by the police.
Rarity and Pinkie thrived on the massive amounts of attention they were getting from the humans, but Twilight was feeling a little overwhelmed by it all.
"I knew we should have arrived in disguise," Twilight lamented.
"That's just the cost of being a celebrity Twilight dear," Rarity replied. "You'll have millions of adoring fans who will climb over each other just to look at you!"
"Some might even throw you food!" Pinkie added.
"That's not normally a good thing Pinkie..."
"It is when its cake!" the earth pony replied.
Outside they saw their new police friends speaking with men in black suits with ornate badges that they had pulled out. They shook each others hands before going up to the door and opening it, letting the roar of the people grow louder and louder.
"Sorry for the trouble your highness," one of the agents said. "We weren't aware you were arriving."
"I should have messaged your government ahead, I should be the one saying sorry," Twilight replied apologetically. "We really need to get to Las Vegas as fast as possible. Is there any way we can get some transportation there?"
"Oh, that shouldn't be too hard," the agent said.
An hour later after making their way into a new car that seemed a million times better than the cop car, the group was on their way east towards their destination. It was about afternoon by the time that the escort arrived in Nevada.
"I spy with my little eye, something that is...tan-colored," Pinkie stated innocently.
"It's sand STILL dahling," the white unicorn replied from behind her magazine.
"Ugh, Pinkie, will you give it a rest?" Twilight tiredly said as she yawned. "We've been at that game for hours."
"Never thought I'd see someone go at a game of I Spy for four hours, let alone one." one of the agents in the back seat said with a chuckle.
"You should see how bad it gets back home," Twilight chuckled. "The trip to Las Pegasus was a nightmare."
"Sorry Twilight, this is just taking a REEEEAALLY LONG time, so I thought I'd do something fun to pass the time," Pinkie replied.
"Sorry about that your highnesses. With the holiday season here, the local comic book convention in town, and the big local games going on, LAX is gonna be overbooked for a while." the agent replied.
"That's alright. Actually, this kinda reminds me of the train rides back home now that I think about it."
"Except those never had these delightful magazines with these juicy gossip articles," Rarity replied as she showed off her first issue of Vogue.
Twilight just smiled and rolled her eyes at Rarity. Upon their request, the agents bought a dozen magazines of varying genres at their last gas station for them to read. Twilight had only been casually reading a few for research on various Earth subjects. Rarity on the other hand quickly became addicted to them. Just not for the same reasons that Twilight was. She found quite a few designs within the pages of the magazines that gave her inspiration to create new lines of clothing once they had a break from their investigations back in Equestria.
"Don't worry your highness. After we see the next marker, we should be heading off of Highway 15 and into Las Vegas within the hour." the driver replied.
"Well, that's a relief. That's not to say though that I'm not enjoying the sights of your...state I believe you called it?" she asked.
The agent simply gave a nod in confirmation before going back to reading his newspaper.
"That mountainside covered in those "wind turbines" as you called them, were amazing! I don't think I've ever seen that many generators working together like that."
Twilight prattled on and on for the next half hour about all of the things that she had seen on their drive across the state and into Nevada. Only the brown-haired agent sitting with them looked interested in what she was saying. For the most part, he would just listen and only answer questions when he was directly asked about something. Soon though, their trip was just about over as they drove to the top of a hill and saw the city of Las Vegas in the distance. They were quite pleased that they had finally reached the city, now it was just a matter of searching for the man they were looking for in a large city. Luckily, their escorts seemed to know exactly where they were going.
They came to the Vegas Strip where they were assaulted by a manner of sights, sounds, and several unpleasant smells. From car exhaust to several uncouth scents that led them to understand why humans had taken to nicknaming this large, bright town "Sin City". Even some of the names of the businesses made her nervous. A restaurant called the Heart attack Grill disturbed her deeply. One of the agents mentioned a few of the more civilized sights that he liked taking his kids to on occasion. One of the places he mentioned was something called the "Gold and Silver Pawn Shop" and another he called "Count's Customs".
The car drove up to a large white building with a sign near the top that said "Caesar's Palace" in gold lettering. Twilight made the connection to a similar hotel-casino back in Las Pegasus called Haaflinger's Palace. Instead of right towards the building though, they drove towards an adjacent three-story building with an unusual large fountain in front. in the middle of the fountain were large metal letters spelling out an initial: H.K. In between the letters was what looked like a trident sticking out from in between the two of them.
They parked and the three ponies exited the car with the two agents who helped escort them into the building. The agents were forced to dissuade any curious onlooker who had tried to approach Twilight and her friends more than a few times.
The inside of the restaurant was nothing like what they were expecting. The interior was a mix of metal plating and colored glass with elegant furniture and glossed wooden floors. The entire floor was busy with diners and servers who were going about their business. On the far side was a large open kitchen for all of the diners to see how their food was being made. Little kids who were with their parents went up to the girls and asked them if they could brush their hair. To which Twilight felt mildly offended for a reason she couldn't fathom.
More than a few reporters were there that pelted them with countless questions, ranging from harmless to ludicrous. Twilight would have blasted them out of the building with her magic if the agents hadn't intervened.
Trying to avoid the people and the stares they were getting, they moved to a side room and up a flight of stairs where they eventually came to an office complex on the second floor. The agents escorted them to the end of the hall where they found a silver door that seemed to be different than the rest of them. Twilight could hear a heated discussion going on on the other side of the door with a lot of shouting that seemed to be occurring.
"Oh, dear. I hope we aren't intruding upon anything important he might be doing", Rarity thought aloud.
"Uh oh, it sounds like he forgot his morning mocha," Pinkie said humorously.
"Well, there's only one way to find out," Twilight concluded as one of the agents opened the door for the three of them.
"OH THAT'S FANTASTIC YOU STUPID LITTLE SHIT! DO YOU TAKE PRIDE IN BEING A SPOILED LITTLE BITCH?"
"Uhhhh," was all the three girls were able to get out of their wide-eyed slack-jawed expressions. Their eyes turned to the size of pinheads the further they overheard more of the conversation.
"GET THIS THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL. EVERYTHING WAS FUCKING RAW AND RANCID. YOUR FOOD IS SHIT! DON'T SEND ONE OF YOUR LITTLE LAWYERS AFTER ME BECAUSE PEOPLE JUST HATE YOUR FOOD!"
To say that Twilight was stunned at the sight before her was an understatement.
"YOU ARE SELLING ROTTEN FOOD TO YOUR CUSTOMERS YOU DUMB FUCK!"
The man who they assumed to be the chef, was having a shouting match with somebody over the phone. He was clearly in a tense state from behind his desk. His blonde hair seemed to be ragged and his eyes bloodshot from whatever debacle he was currently facing and his ice-blue eyes were seething with an unquenchable rage. Twilight had never felt anger this intense from a person in her entire life save for Fluttershy's when she had seen Opalescence smack a baby mouse around. They watched him and whoever he was talking to shout at each other for about five minutes before it ended abruptly.
"YOU NEED SOME FUCKING PROZAC YOU STUPID LITTLE PISS ANT!"
The chef slammed the phone so hard back into its charger and ended the call that they all thought that he was really going to break it by accident. It even broke Twilight, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie out of their dumbfounded states. He then tried to breathe in deeply to calm himself down as he began rubbing his eyes with his hand.
"Just like Fieri told you, Gordon, it isn't worth it. It isn't worth it," he said to himself as he was breathing in and breathing out deeply.
Twilight tried clearing her throat to get his attention as he seemed to not have noticed them yet, and it appeared to have worked. He looked up at them from his desk and his entire demeanor instantly changed. He got up and walked over to the three of them with a small gentle smile now adorning his face.
"Hello there. I'm assuming you three are the Equestrians?" he asked cheerfully. "My apologies for you hearing all of that. I had a bit of a bad business experience recently, and I'm trying my best to work it out."
"Uh, ahem, yes. I am Princess Twilight Sparkle. And these are my friends and fellow ambassadors Rarity Belle and Pinkamina Diane Pie," she said as she introduced the three of them.
"Just call me Rarity dahling," Rarity replied.
"And me Pinkie," Pinkie said as she giggled.
"A pleasure to meet you your highnesses. Call me Gordon," he replied. "Or Chef Ramsay. Whatever you prefer."
"Alright then Gordon, thank you for meeting with us. I realize this must be strange for you to be meeting us like this," she said considerately.
"Getting a call late at night that a pony princess wanted to meet with me, I did check my glass of water to see if it was laced with something but I've been through weirder things," Gordon replied while remembering an incident involving red spandex wearing mercenary with an obsession for tacos. "Although, I would like to know what this is about".
Twilight went on to explain everything that had happened in Equestria for the past few months and how they had come up empty with any answers. The explanation took about roughly fifteen minutes as Twilight insisted on going into exquisite detail about their problem. Chef Ramsay found himself thinking that Twilight could probably write a multitude of books talking specifically about their calamity.
"I must admit that we are kind of at a loss here. None of my magic can seem to detect how these ponies are getting deathly sick or why. It's happening at every major restaurant and hotel in Equestria. So when Pinkie came to me and mentioned you, I was more than skeptical at first, but your credentials impressed me when I look you up."
"That does sound like a major problem. And basically, you want me and my team to go with you: an alien princess I've just met, to a world I've never seen, to fix the problems of hotels and restaurants I know nothing about?"
Twilight began to laugh nervously. She was obviously not liking how this meeting was turning out.
"Yupper dupper Gordy," Pinkie replied cheerfully.
"That's pretty much the full story Mr. Ramsay," Rarity replied.
"The problems with all of this are multi-fold," Gordon stated concerned.
"I, unfortunately, want to keep human government officials away from Equestria for the time being, so I figured you and your team would be less of a risk if you crossed over with us."
"And you want me and my team to be the first humans to go to this...Equestria?"
The three of them nodded vigorously.
"Oh, what the heck? I don't have anything else big on the itinerary at the moment. When do we get started?"
Next Time:
Episode 0.5 - The Brit meets the Pastel Colored Ponies