Cards Against Creatures

by Dawn Flower


Round 4

“What makes life worth living?” Sandbar read out the first card.

The other five immediately got to choosing their responses, already guessing that this would be a good round. As they were choosing their cards, Smolder gave a challenging grin to the changeling to her left, intent on catching up to and beating her, even though she was also behind the griffon to her right; with Ocellus, it was personal.

Once all five cards had been handed up, Sandbar quickly shuffled them and began reading them out. “What makes life worth living? Prescription pain killers.”

First card of the round and there was already laughter from the whole group.

“Dark, sad and funny all in one,” Gallus commented.

Trying to calm down his laughter, Sandbar drew the next card, but as soon as he did, he quirked an eyebrow in confusion. “What makes life worth living? Tables.”

There was complete silence from everycreature in the room.

“Well that was boring,” Smolder blurted out.

Across from her, Silverstream just scratched at her neck nervously. “Actually, that one was mine. I didn’t have a good card for this round and I just wanted to get rid of it.”

“Understandable,” Sandbar said, shrugging his shoulders. He then drew the next card. “What makes life worth living? Being inside me.”

The laughter was back again.

“Somecreature has a high opinion of themselves.”

Everyone was surprised that it was Yona that said that.

“Okay, moving on.” Sandbar continued, drawing the next card. “What makes life worth living? Being a motherbucking sorcerer.”

This card also got a good amount of laughs.

“And finally,” Sandbar began, drawing the last white card. “What makes life worth living? Some god damn peace and quiet.”

There was another round of laughter from the group.

“Also true,” Gallus added.

“Yeah,” Smolder began. “Other than Silverstream’s, I’d say this this was a good round.” She then quickly turned towards her hippogriff friend. “No offense.”

“None taken,” she replied calmly. “Still though, tables are pretty awesome. Almost as awesome as stairs!” She exclaimed.

The rest of the group just rolled their eyes playfully, as if a way to collectively and silently say ‘That’s our Silverstream’.

“Alright then,” Sandbar spoke up again. “I think I’ll give this point to prescription pain killers.”

“Yes! Yona win!”

Sandbar passed the black card to Yona, and then turned to face Gallus. “Okay, Gallus, you’re the Card Princess next.”

“Don’t worry, you don’t have to tell me. I think we’ve all got this game down by now.” He then drew a black card, and he immediately smirked. “Well, shit. My eyes ain’t so good, but I’ll eat my own boot if that ain’t blank.”

The others all laughed just from hearing him read out the prompt. They then all got to picking out their choice for this round, after they all drew another white card so that they were back up to ten.

Once everycreature had handed up their cards, Gallus quickly shuffled them before reading them out. “Well, shit. My eyes ain’t so good, but I’ll eat my own boot if that ain’t hot milk with ice cubes.”

There wasn’t any laughter for this card. “Eh, pretty lame,” Gallus said. He quickly changed expression when he looked up from the card and saw Silverstream looked downtrodden, and he blushed. “Uhhmm, moving on,” he said hastily, drawing another card. “ Well, shit. My eyes ain’t so good, but I’ll eat my own boot if that ain’t huge big balls full of jizz.”

The laughter was back again, even Silverstream joined in, quickly recovering from her downtroddeness.

Feeling much better now, Gallus drew another card and read it out much more calmly, at least until he reached the end of the card. “Well, shit. My eyes ain’t so good, but I’ll eat my own boot if that ain’t… a fetus.”

There was more looks of disgust than laughter from everycreature this time.

Gallus quickly moved on and read the next card. “Well, shit. My eyes ain’t so good, but I’ll eat my own boot if that ain’t the ol’ penis in the popcorn surprise.”

The laughter was back and louder than before, with several of the students falling down from laughing so hard.

“Well, shit. My eyes ain’t so good, but I’ll eat my own boot if that ain’t dumpster juice.” Gallus just shrugged, silently waving his talon in a so-so manner, not even looking for any hints as to who played it. “I’ll go with fetus card. It was definitely the most shocking.”

“That’s me,” Sandbar chimed in, taking the black card from his griffon friend.

“Yona’s turn; she Card Princess,” Yona said, drawing a black card. “Yona just love blank, but it make her barf every time.”

Smolder sneered to herself upon hearing the prompt. “Oh, this should be a good round.”

Everyone then drew another white card, and Silverstream immediately let out a scared scream when she read her card, but quickly placed both claws over her beak. “Nothing,” she said when everyone turned towards her, though in an obviously-not-okay-but-trying-her-best-to-hide-it tone.

“Uhhmm, okay,” Ocellus spoke up, in a worried tone, and then she and the others went back to picking their cards for this round.

Everyone then handed Yona their cards, with Silverstream handing up the card she had just drawn. Yona then quickly shuffled the cards before reading them out.

“Yona just love Fancy Feast, but it make her barf every time.”

The first card earned a good bit of laughter from the whole group.

“What is Fancy Feast, anyway,” Gallus asked.

“Cat food,” Sandbar answered. He then turned to face Yona. “You don’t actually eat Fancy Feast do you?”

“Of course not,” Yona replied, sounding slightly offended. Without letting him say anything else, she then drew the next card. “Yona just love a sticky tree hole filled wih nectar, but it make her barf every time.”

There wasn’t much laughter from that card, so Yona quickly moved on again. When she drew the next card, she snickered to herself before she read it out loud. “Yona just love having sex with your mom, but it make her barf every time.”

That card earned a huge roar of laughter from the entire group.

“Ooooooo, burn,” Smolder commented.

Suddenly coming out of her laughing fit, Yona now looked confused. “What Smolder burn?” Yona asked.

Smolder was about to say something, but she quickly brushed it aside. “Nevermind, just move on.”

“Okay,” Yona said with an oblivious smile, drawing the next card. “Yona just love drinking alone, but it make her barf every time.”

There was more laughter from this card, though a bit less from the previous card.

“Another sad one,” Gallus commented.

Yona then drew the last card, and when she did, she immediately knew both that it was Silverstream’s card and why she had screamed when she first read it. “Yona just love… running afoul of the Storm King’s army…” She couldn’t even finish reading it.

The rest of the group had similar reactions, and when they looked over towards Silverstream, she quickly looked away. “I-I just wanted to get rid of it so that I wouldn’t always be looking at it.”

Ocellus couldn’t help but feel for her friend, and almost immediately wrapped her in a comforting hug. She then non-verbally motioned for the rest of the group to join in, which they gladly did, comforting their friend through an obviously hard time.

As everycreature came out of the hug, Silverstream started to tear up, but they were happy tears this time. “Thanks, everyone.”

“Don’t mention it,” Sandbar replied. “It’s what friends are for.”

The rest of the group all replied with understanding smiles.

Yona then realised that she still needed to pick a winner. “Yona pick Silverstream,” she said, passing the card to her as she did so.

“Thank you,” Silverstream replied. “…again.” She broke out into her signature laugh, letting them all know that she was back to her normal, cheerful self.

“Well, if we’re finished with the feelings portion of the round,” Smolder began, trying to break the ice. “Let’s get back to being horrible to each other. I’m starting to fall behind.” With affirmative smiles from the rest of the group, she, as the Card Princess, then drew a black card. “What’s that sound?” She said. She then looked around the group. “For the record, that was the card prompt; not just a general inquisition.”

With another quick bout of good natured laughter, the other students started choosing their cards. When they were all done, they passed them towards Smolder, who shuffled them quickly and then drew one.

“What’s that sound? The graceful path of an Autumn leaf as it falls to its eastern cradle.”

There wasn’t much to any laughter from this card, though Ocellus gave a calm and peaceful expression. “Now that sounds calm.”

“We’re not here for calm,” Smolder retorted, drawing the next card. “What’s that sound? The rhythms of Zebrica.”

This card got a decent amount of laughter, particularly from Smolder. “I don’t know why, but I find that really funny.” She then drew the next card. “What’s that sound? Gang violence.”

The laughter from that card was more uncomfortable than genuine.

Moving on quickly, Smolder drew the next card. “What’s that sound? Playing my ass hole like a trumpet.”

The laughter was immediate and completely genuine, with several students clutching at the stomachs and falling on their sides from laughter.

Picking herself back up, Smolder tried to stifle her laughter so that she could properly read out the last card. “What’s that sound? Facillitating dialogue and deconstructing binaries.”

That card didn’t get much laughter, and the laughter from the previous card was starting to die down as well.

“Okay, okay,” Smolder began. “I’ll go with the rhythms of Zebrica. There’s just something about it that I find funny.”

“Yes! Yona win again!” Yona screamed out in triumph, quickly snatching the card out of Smolder’s claw.

The dragoness smiled good-naturedly at her Yak friend’s enthusiasm. “Well, congratulations, Yona. You earned it.”

“Yeah, now you’re ahead of Smolder,” Gallus added.

“What?!” Smolder exclaimed, her calm expression quickly fading.

That got another round of laughter from the rest of the student six. Smolder, meanwhile, grumbled to herself.

“So, what is the score at the moment,” Silverstream asked.

“Quick rundown,” Sandbar began. “Gallus and Yona are tied for second place, with four points each, and Ocellus is in the lead, with five points, and you, me and Smolder each have three points.”

Letting out a sigh, Smolder calmed back down, and with a sly grin forming once again, she playfully elbowed Ocellus to her left. “Not exactly helping the stereotypes about changelings, are you?” She joked.

“It’s not me; it’s the cards,” Ocellus defended.

“Excuses, excuses,” Smolder waved her off, playfully, which caused another small bit of laughter between the group of friends.

Ocellus puffed up her cheeks in slight annoyance, but didn’t say anything. Letting out a short breath, she then simply levitated a black card over to her and read it out loud. “What are all those whales singing about?”

The other students quickly chose their cards and passed them towards Ocellus so that she could read them out.

“What are all those whales singing about? Water.”

“Makes sense,” Gallus noted.

“And accurate,” Silverstream added.

Moving on, Ocellus drew the next card. “What are all those whales singing about? Holes.”

“Also makes sense,” Sandbar noted.

“And also accurate,” Yona added. This commentary got more laughter than the first two cards combined.

“What are all those whales singing about? Misogyny.”

That card got a good bit of laughter.

“What are all those whales singing about? Zoo animals.”

“Ehh,” Smolder motioned with a claw.

“And lastly,” Ocellus began. “What are all those whales singing about? This new documentary you just haaaaave to watch.”

That got a good bit of laughter, particularly from the way that she stretched out the word ‘have’.

“Okay, I’ll go with that one,” Ocellus spoke up, holding up the black card in her changeling magic.

“That’s me,” Sandbar replied, taking a hold of the card.

“Now it’s my turn!” Silverstream yelled out in excitement, reaching over and drawing a black card. “I get by with a little help from blank.”

Smolder smirked. “Good question. This should be a good one if you’re the one reading them out.” She said, crinkling her fingers.

“Nope, sorry,” Silverstream replied in her usual bubbly attitude. “I want you all to read out your own cards again. The Card Princess has spoken!” She said, again placing her claw over her chest, like she were giving a royal decree.

The others couldn’t help but giggle a little, finding her charm quite infectious.

“Well, you know the rules,” Sandbar began, as he adjusted his cards. “Since we’re reading out our own cards, we’ll just go in the order that we decide on our choice. So in that case, I’ll go first,” he said, picking out his chosen card. “I get by with a little help from an older woman who knows their way around the penis.”

The laughter was immediate and loud.

“So, is that confirmation that you’re straight?” Gallus asked.

“Bitch, I might be.”

His response caused yet another round of laughter.

When the laughter started to die down, Smolder decided to go next. “I get by with a little help from Hostice Care.”

“That’s pretty much how we’re all getting along right now.” Gallus added. There was a good bit of laughter following that. “Well, I guess I’ll go next. I get by with a little help from male sexuality.”

There wasn’t much laughter from that card, and from Gallus’ reaction, he wasn’t really expecting any.

Yona then stuck her hoof in the air, indicating that she wanted to go next. “Yona get by with a little help from ‘Principles of Corporate Finance’ by Filthy Rich.”

That caused another round of laughter.

Everyone then turned towards Ocellus, who was the last one to go, with Smolder taking a drink of soda while she waited. Letting out an exasperated sigh, she tried to prepare herself for their reactions to her card. “I get by with a little help from the burly mare waxing my pubes.”

Smolder immediately did a spittake, which just added to the laughter. Ocellus, however, couldn’t help but blush in embarassment.

In between his laughter, Gallus tried to form a response. “You need to stop being embarrassed of what your cards say. You’re never gonna win if you can’t even say them.”

“I don’t know. She does still have the highest score,” Sandbar interjected.

“For now!” Smolder emphasised, her competitiveness adding extra laughter from the group.

“Well, anyway,” Silverstream began. “I’ll go with Hospice Care, because it’s…”

“Yes, victory for Smolder!” The dragoness announced, leaping to her feet as she did so, snatching up the black card that was her point. Again, the other students couldn’t resist giggling at her overly-competitive attitude.

“Well,” Sandbar began, once his laughter started to die down. “That’s another round down. Should we take another break or keep going?”

Yona raised her hoof again. “Can we take bathroom break? Yona really need to go,” she asked, almost looking like she was doing a little dance as she tried to hold it in.

“Well, sure, I guess we can…”

Sandbar didn’t get a chance to finish as Yona barreled passed him and out of the room, knocking him over as she did so. Picking himself back up, he also made his way out of the room, along with the rest of the group of students.

As they were leaving, after Yona, Sandbar and Smolder had already left the room, Ocellus suddenly held her hoof out in front of Gallus to stop him. When he looked at her confusedly, she simply tilted her head in the direction of Silverstream, who still hadn’t left the room. When he looked back to Ocellus, she then whispered something in his ear, which made his eyes bulge in embarassment.

Giving her a knowing look instead of verbally responding, Ocellus merely tilted her head towards Silverstream again, this time like she was telling him instead of asking.

Gallus quickly relented and moved over towards Silverstream before she left the room. “Hey, Silver,” he started, calling her by the group’s little pet name for her. “You, uhh... still doing okay after you drew that Storm King card?” He asked, feeling nervous about the whole thing.

Silverstream suddenly looked downtrodden. “Yeah, I’m doing okay now thanks to all of you guys.” She said, again with another forced smile, and then looked away slighlty. “I guess the memories still hurt more than I thought.”

Seeing her sad, which in turn made him feel sad, Gallus decided to try what Ocellus had suggested and gave her in a comforting hug.

The sudden contact made the hippogriff return her gaze fully to Gallus.

“Better?” He asked, still sounding a bit nervous, but less so than a moment ago.

Silverstream started blushing. “I am now, yeah.” She responded, her expression changing again to reflect that.

Gallus likewise smiled when he heard that. Then his eyes once again widened when he felt her plant a kiss on his cheek.

Silverstream giggled, her usual bubbly personality returning fully. “Hey, I guess with beaks we can still kiss on the cheek. Good to know, huh?”

“Uhh, yeah, good to know,” Gallus stuttered.

Silverstream started smiling innocently once again. Once the hug ended, she then made her way out of the room, to use the bathroom like the rest of her friends.

Gallus simply stood there, watching her leave, his own blush now brighter than ever. He then suddenly remembered that Ocellus was still in the room with him when she walked up beside him, and his expression quickly became serious once again. “Not one word out of you,” he said, pointing a talon at her.

In response, Ocellus just mimed zipping her lips shut and gave him a knowing wink. She then made her way out of the room.

Gallus just grumbled to himself before leaving the room as well.