//------------------------------// // Lessons Learned // Story: In Somepony's Shadow // by Whammy //------------------------------// The cold evening air nipped at her wings as a gentle breeze rustled her feathers. It had almost been an hour now since Trixie had revealed her rather misfortunate decision. Luna had been contemplating about it all, having sat quietly at a little table she had prepared out in the garden overlooking the pond. She almost felt like she was being taunted by it’s stillness, her own mind wracked with thoughts. Her first thought, of course, was of Discord. Even now she could feel the rising burning in her chest as she imagined the creature having one final laugh on his way back to Ponyville about everything that had transpired. At least there was some comfort in knowing he was likely in for a scolding from Fluttershy. She was timid, but there was an inner strength in that mare that could be surprisingly forceful when she learned somepony else was wronged. Or at least, that was the impression she got from reading Twilight’s letters. The thought of such a timid being taming the might embodiment of chaos was amusing enough to calm her anger at least a little. What it couldn’t calm, however, was the anxiety. Glancing up towards the castle where Trixie’s room was, the light in the window gone, she sighed. It had not even been a week, and yet her attempt at taking on an apprentice had already gone so far off track. Just where she had gone wrong? She had known Trixie was rather… eccentric. “Bombastic,” “dramatic”, and “egotistical” had been just a few of the words Twilight had described her in. It had been clear from Trixie’s nightmares, however, that at the root of her behavior was a sensitivity towards what others thought of her. That anxiety of, course, was something she herself had known rather well. Did ponies like you enough? Did they know you existed? Did they appreciate all the hard work you did? It had been an obsession that had driven her mad once, and she had hoped to help Trixie overcome it. Instead, she drove her to make yet another dramatic decision, though it was fortunately only temporary. The question, then, was what had she done wrong? “Like you’re doing it just because you have to,” she mumbled to herself, thinking back on Discord’s words. She hated to admit it, but the draconequus may have had some bit of a point in his ramblings. It was her duty, after all, to travel the dreams of others and help them overcame that which gave them nightmares. Trixie’s case, however, seemed it would require a more direct touch to solve, which bringing her on as an apprentice had seemed the right idea. Yet, apparently a thousand years trapped as Nightmare Moon had not given her as much insight into ponies as she had thought. And with the ringing of a nearby clock tower signaling the hour was over, the possibility of a last-minute realization was gone. A moment passed, and yet Trixie was not in front of her. Trixie had arrived, of course, but she had apparently decided to stay behind a nearby hedge, the curl in her mane the only thing visible beyond the edge. Such hesitance, of course, was expected, and it had to be met with patience and delicacy. “Come here, Trixie. There is something important we have to discuss,” she said, sounding as calm and inviting as she could. “I’ve even had some tea made, if you would like some.” Trixie didn’t respond, but Luna paid it no mind. She simply began to pour two cups, allowing the sound of the mare sitting down on the cushion give her notice that Trixie was ready. “So…how screwed am I?” Luna looked up again, scanning over Trixie’s distorted form, or at least what she could see. It seemed that the mare had put her hat and cloak back on, no doubt to try and hide her new, if temporary, features. Still, there was an Ursa Major’s paw on the table, and the ruffling of the cloak suggested that the bunny rabbit tail was twitching nervously behind her. Chaos magic, for it’s supposed randomness, truly did seem to enjoy giving ironic punishments. “Trixie, you are not ‘screwed’,” she said, glad that some of the guards had given her a quick primer on some modern slang when she had first returned to Equestria. “You made a mistake, and while we can’t ignore it, a teacher has to allow their students to make mistakes.” “MISTAKE?!” Trixie said, standing up and turning sideways to show off the rabbit tail. “I can literally pull myself out of my own hat if I wanted to and you’re saying it was just a mistake?” “Trixie, there’s no need to get so excited. Please, calm down so we can…” “I made a deal with Discord and now I’m turning into a freak! How am I supposed to calm down!?” Trixie yelled back before collapsing down onto the table, covering her head with her arm and foreleg. “Look, you don’t have to sugar-coat it or anything. I messed up big-time, and I don’t deserve to be your apprentice. So just yell at me, kick me out, and get it all over with.” “I already declared that I will not be sending you away, Trixie.” “Well you should! I just got here and already messed up. It’s only a matter of time till I mess up again. I should just –” “Trixie. Lulamoon. That is enough!” Apparently calm statements of ‘It will be okay’ were not getting to Trixie. If it was force that she wanted, it was force she would get. Rising up, Luna spread her wings out, glaring down at the now startled mare. “Do you question my will, Trixie Lulamoon?” “N-no, but…” “No buts. I have already determined that you will remain here in the castle as my apprentice. Unless you wish for me to proclaim this with the full authority befitting the Royal Canterlot voice, I suggest you accept that fact. Now.” A second passed, Trixie simply looking up at her with her mouth open but no sound coming out. Just as Luna was beginning to weave the magic of the Royal Canterlot Voice into her throat, Trixie finally squeaked out a simple “Okay.” “Very well, Trixie. I am glad that is settled,” Luna said, relaxing as she sat back down. “My apologies for being so forceful with you, but anxiety is a rather torturous companion that sometimes requires a bit of force to evict. I hope that the shock has chased it away for now?” “Y-yeah, I think so,” Trixie said with a sigh as she rested her head on the table, rubbing at her forehead with her hoof. “Dear Celestia I’m a mess.” “Dear Celestia? Would talking to my sister help you?” Luna replied, glancing around for her. “No, no, it’s just a phrase.” “Do ponies say…never mind, it doesn’t matter.” Luna made a note to see if ponies had begun to use her own name in any kind of phrase. Curiosity, of course. “In any case, Trixie, now that you seem to have accepted you will not be thrown out, I believe that we have many other things to discuss. You might as well have some tea, for this may take some time,” Luna said, gently pushing the cup she had prepared over towards Trixie. “What? Oh, yeah, sure. That sounds nice,” Trixie replied, sitting up and shifting to get herself comfortable. “So…should I start talking or you? This isn’t going like my other student-teacher meetings.” “Well, this is not exactly a normal student-teacher relationship either, is it?” “Not getting yelled at for setting the stage on fire with fireworks, so it’s already an improvement over my last one.” “You set the stage on fire?” Luna just shook her head. That felt like a story for another day. “First off, Trixie, I…want to start with an apology.” Trixie had begun drinking, but for whatever reason the phrase startled her enough to spit back up some of the tea. “You, apologize? But I – “ Luna began to stand up again, and was quite amused that Trixie had already learned to be quiet when she did so. The mare was a rather fast, if impatient, learner. “Yes, I want to apologize, Trixie. You see, as much as I loath having to say this, Discord did say something to me that had the glimmer of a point. I believe I might have been coming off as too distant or aloof, which may have given you a false impression of my opinion towards you. In other words, I may have pushed you to feel as if you needed to be extraordinary in order justify your staying here.” “But I have to be extraordinary! I literally call myself ‘The Great and Powerful Trixie’.” Trixie replied, with appropriate air quotes. “And I mean, look at the other ponies who all got to be apprentices. Twilight blew up part of the castle with magic as a foal! And what do I have? Just cheap magic tricks,” Trixie said, propping her head up on the Ursa Major claw and looked away from Luna. “I know I talk up a big game, but even I know not to try and boast to a princess for too long. It was stupid, but at least chaos magic would have given me an edge…if it didn’t make me look like a total mess” Luna thought for a moment, tempted to remind her student to not put ponies on a pedestal. The tale of how Twilight had once put a spell on the entire town of Ponyville in an attempt to create a friendship problem seemed appropriate. That, however, didn’t feel like the right answer. There was, however, another story that might appeal to Trixie even more. “Trixie, are you familiar with the story of the Mare in the Moon?” Trixie tilted her head back towards the princess. “Uh, yeah, I think everyone knows it now after, well, you know.” “Please, humor me for a moment and retell it to me,” Luna said. She had faith that Trixie would get the point soon enough. “Well, there was once a powerful mare who wanted to rule Equestria and plunge it into eternal night. She was defeated by the Elements of Harmony, and then got trapped in the moon. And then it turns out that you were the Mare in the Moon and…oh, I think I know where you’re going with this?” “Pray tell, where might that be?” Luna said, a slight curve at the edge of her mouth. “Uhm, that everyone, even somepony like you, can royally screw things up?” “Well, that’s a bit coarser than I would have put it, yes, that was the point. Do you, however, know why I tried to conquer Equestria?” Luna said. There was a tightness in her chest, the memories of what she had become already starting to creep in, but she needed to face them. For Trixie’s sake. “I, uh, guess I never actually thought about that. I mean, you don’t seem like the evil ‘conquer the world type’…you didn’t make me your apprentice because you thought I’d help you take over Equestria, did you?” “No Trixie, that was not why I made you my apprentice,” Luna said. She wanted to feel insulted by that, but it was in a strange way a fair enough question to ask. “But, there is a connection between my reason for doing so and you. As I said when I asked you to be my apprentice, I see a lot of my younger self in you.” Luna’s horn began to glow as a mist of royal blue colored magical energy fell from her horn and onto the table. Two alicorn-shaped ponies formed out of the mist, one slightly taller than the other Then several more ponies began to form, all centering around the taller of the ponies. “You see, Trixie, when my sister and I were younger, being in charge of the sun naturally made it easier for her to become the center of attention. She brought warmth, light, energy for crops. The night, however, was seen as the opposite: cold, dark, lifeless, something to be feared and simply slept through.” The rest of the mist began to fade away, leaving just the one, little alicorn figure all alone. “As time went on, I became more and more bitter about my role in life. I wanted everything my sister had. The attention, the praise, the recognition. And if ponies wouldn’t give it to me, I was going to take it by force. And so, like you and the Alicorn Amulet, I sought power in dark magics, eventually transforming into the being Nightmare Moon.” The mist shifted into the form of Nightmare Moon, maniacal laughing included, before engaging in battle with a misty Princess Celestia. “I battled my sister for control of Equestria, planning on plunging the world into eternal darkness, all for my own selfish desires. So many ponies hurt, none more so than my sister, who had to suffer alone for so many years…” There was that tightness in her chest again, but she didn’t have time to focus on her own guilt, not now at least. The glow of her horn vanished as she cut off the magic, the battling forms below blowing away into the night. “The rest, of course, you should already know.” Luna watched as Trixie simply stared at the table, waiting nervously for a reaction. “…wow.” Luna debated whether she appreciated Trixie’s ability to give such a simple reaction to things that had such gravitas. “Sooo, when you said that I reminded me of a younger you, you didn’t mean in a ‘You’re absolutely amazing’ way and more a ‘I also used dark magic and tried to conquer the world’ kind of way?” “Yes, that is one way to put it. I recognized that you have the same fears that led me to make such a terrible mistake, and I wanted to help you face them. It seems, however, that I have not done a very good job of it,” she said, looking slightly downwards and away from Trixie. “If you would be willing to let me have another chance at it, I would be happy to continue to be your mentor,” she said, making eye contact once again with Trixie, forcing a gentle smile to hide her own worries. “Of course I’m not going to leave. How could the Great and Powerful Trixie let having a literal manifestation of my worst nightmares as an arm keep me from being tutored by such a kind and passionate teacher?” Trixie replied. “It’s…it’s my fault for being oversensitive to everything and thinking it a sign you actually really hated me. That, and Discord. In fact, let’s just blame the whole thing on Discord and call it a night.” A second passed, but before she knew it Luna found herself laughing, Trixie joining her soon after. It was a moment of levity that finally broke the heavy tension that had permeated the air since they had started talking. “I am partial to that idea, Trixie. Let us consider tonight a fresh start of the mentorship, then, and we shall both strive to be better at our given roles.” Luna said as she caught her breath. “The Great and Powerful Trixie accepts those terms,” Trixie replied as she calmed down as well. With them both catching their breath, it was a good chance for Luna to clear her own thoughts and pour another cup of tea. “With that said, though, there is something I want to say…” Trixie said. “Yes, Trixie?” Luna said, pouring a cup for herself and Trixie. “In the spirit of a fresh starts and what not, I kind of just wanted to say, thinking about your story and my story - knowing of course the dark magic stuff was all totally unjustified – I…still think we were kind of right.” Luna froze for a second. She had misheard that, right? “Princess? You’re kind of spilling the tea there.” “W-what? Oh, sorry,” Luna said, moving the teapot away. “I was just…startled, is all. What ever gives you the idea that we were in anyway correct in our actions?” Luna immediately began to think again, that something she said had sent Trixie down a wrong path somehow, yet another life she had messed up somehow. “No, no, the conquering world stuff was totally wrong and what not. I meant more like the feelings we had weren’t wrong, at least I don’t think so.” Luna raised an eyebrow, wondering where this mare was going. “I mean, just…I don’t know what I’m saying.” “No, no, it’s fine Trixie. If we’ve learned anything over these last few days, it is that it is best that you express your feelings fully,” Luna replied. Trixie took a deep breath and steeled herself. “Look, ponies like Twilight, Celestia, they just seem like they have it all together and just naturally get everyone to love them. And I know that obviously they got problems too and whatever, but, still, it’s hard, you know? Sitting there in your wagon, watching someone else live the life you’d want. Easy for ponies to just go ‘Oh don’t worry about it, you don’t need praise’. I mean, dear Celestia the amount of ‘just do it for the art’ I’ve heard would drive anyone mad. Yeah, easy to say when you got a full house applauding you,” Trixie said, rolling her eyes. “But anyway, point is, it sucks being ignored, and while that doesn’t excuse me throwing Ponyville’s mayor in a bird cage –” Luna couldn’t help but feel Twilight had left out some rather interesting details about Trixie’s tyrannical reign over Ponyville. “ – , I think the feelings we had were totally valid. So, uh, that’s all I wanted to say…are you okay, Princess?” Luna reached up to her muzzle, finding it had somehow gotten wet. Had…had she started crying? Why would she be crying? “I-I’m fine, Trixie. I think…I think it’s just no one has ever really told me it had been ‘okay’ to feel the way I did,” Luna said, wiping the tears away as she settled down. “Seriously? Not even Princess Celestia?” Trixie said, walking over to Princess Luna. Luna thought back to the conversations that she had had with Princess Celestia about what had conspired. She had, of course, apologized for having left her alone, of not being there for her, for not respecting her enough. Yet, at the same time, it had always felt as if it was coming more from Celestia’s guilt, which had only made Luna feel even more guilty for all that had happened. She was not alone, now, but when it came to those long-gone days, she couldn’t say she really had somepony who could really relate to those feelings. At least, not until now. “I think, my little apprentice, that when I said you reminded me of my younger self, I hadn’t fully thought of the implications of that,” she said, beginning to open the wing nearest Trixie. “I guess I just never appreciated what it would mean to hear somepony say my feelings were not wrong.” She leaned over, embracing Trixie with her wing. The showmare took the cue to get closer, leaving the two them cuddled together under the moonlight. “So…thank you, the Great and Powerful Trixie.” “No problem, Princess Luna.”